Soldier getting too much gear a piece at a time; on the field, the drops it all and just runs off with his rifle
“Gadgets”
Two men looking at line of trees on horizonthat look like a row of people with their hands in the air
NATURE’S TACTLESS MIMICRY.
Curious attitude assumed by Trees in a district occupied
by the Germans.
men in trenches
“Here, stick your head down, Charlie.”
“What—is there an order come round about it?”
man running from cowboys
Unpleasant nightmare of Hans, the ex-cinema attendant, after
learning of the American Declaration of War.
Two Scot soldiers looking at a restaurant named Cafe d'Edimbourg
“We’ll no gang in there, Jock.”
“For why, Donal’?”
“Man, it’s got an awfu’ Gerrman-like name, yon.”
Soldier arrives to huge crowd and parade and runs all the way back to the front
The Bashful V.C.’s Welcome Home
two men sittind in trench surrounded by flies
New Hand: “Flies seem pretty awful out here, Corporal.”
Hardened Campaigner: “Wot flies?”
two men approaching each other in blinding rain
Both together: “Now, my man, why don’t you salute when you
Pass an Officer?”
man looking at shadow of possible hun in dark
THE BRIBE.
“Who goes there?”
“K-Kamerad—mit souvenirs.”
Soldier at door of bunker talking to man inside door
“Hear the latest rumour up from the back, George?
War’s going to be over next week.”
“Ho. Well, I hope it don’t upset my going on leave next
Tuesday.”
man leaning over trench in dark and holding hand up to soldier in trench
Boche (suddenly appearing over the top): “Kamerad!
Kamerad!”
Briton: “Lor’, my son, you DID give me a turn. I
thought you was an enemy.”
two soldiers sitting in blown out window
“Here, listen to this. It says the Gov’ment have
bought up all the strawberries to make jam for the
troops.”
“Go on, George! How can they make plum-and-apple
out o’ strawberries?”
two men outside foxholem, one holding hand grenade
Tommy (“Mopping-up” captured trench): “Is there anyone
down there?”
Voice from dug-out: “Ja! Ja! Kamerad!”
Tommy: “Then come out here and fraternise.”
two soldiers sitting and talking
Sociable Escort (to Boche prisoner, after several ineffectual attempts to start
a conversation): “Ahem!—er—no trouble at home, I hope?”
two men looking at third man
The Wit: “Ah, now you’re for it, Albert.”
Tractor-Driver: “Wot’s the matter?”
The Wit: “Why, you’ve been and gone and come on parade without
your spurs.”
two soldiers looking at lanscape
First Contemptible: “D’you remember halting here on the retreat, George?”
Second ditto: “Can’t call it to mind, somehow. Was it that little village in the wood down by the river, or was it
that place with the Cathedral and all them factories?”
men walking on large railroad bridge
THE RIGHT SPIRIT.
Corporal in charge (on arrival at bridge): “De—tachment, break—step!”
[“When crossing a military bridge Infantry will break step.”—Extract from
“Regulations.”]
golfer looking forlornly at ball in water trap
cricket team one by one handing their jumpers et al., to bystander to hold until he is buried under their clothes
OUR TREACHEROUS CLIMATE
man walking down street in coat that looks like it was cut down from a winter one
“Well, anyhow, no one could tell that this
was once a British warm.”
tall man following short caddy who is carrying his clubs
many old men sitting around a table
The young firebrands’ art club holds its fiftieth annual dinner.
man speakign to salesman in store
PATHOS
“I want to choose a Christmas present—one suitable for a
short, dark, middle-aged bachelor with retiring disposition
and no near relatives—to give to himself.”
man speaking to two children out of doors
Wee Donald Angus: “Please, Sirr, what time will it be?”
Literal Gentleman: “When?”
man in field talking ot neighbour over the fence
“Hullo, George—not demobbed yet?”
“No—signed on again.”
“How long for?”
“Just for duration of the Peace.”
husband in robe speaking to wife in evening gown
Husband (on visit to Country House): “I say, someone’s forgotten to
pack my evening clothes.”
Wife: “Well, it wasn’t me, dear. If anyone didn’t, you must have
yourself.”
man in antique shop
“Bed, Sir? Here is a genuine Jacobean, for which we are asking only two hundred and fifty guineas.”
“Well, to tell you the truth I wasn’t wanting to BUY one. But I can’t get a bed anywhere in London, and I was
just wondering if you could let me sleep in it to-night.”
man speaking to another in a very crowded lift
“Hullo, Brown! Fancy running up against you. How small the world is,
to be sure!”
“Y-Yes. Terribly small, isn’t it?”
two men meeting on walk and ending up fighting like and with their dogs
THE DOG FIGHT
woman speaking to waitress and pointing downward in crowded auditorium
“Could we have two teas, please?”
“Why, didn’t I bring you two just now?”
“Oh, yes. But we’ve let a gentleman in the stalls have those.”
two gentlemen talking in street
The Pugnacious Gentleman: “But ’e bin an’ called me a ’Un.’”
The Peacemaker: “Well, he may have meant it quite kindly-like, Bill. It ain’t as if we was still at war with the
dirty ’ounds.”
Man speaking to workman working across street in hole in pavement across the street from a theater
“I trust you’ll excuse me mentioning it, my good fellow, but that is the right entrance—on the opposite side of
the road.”
man hears street musician out side his home and invites him in and feeds and pays him, after he leaves thousands of musicians appear outside his home playing
THE BROTHERHOOD OF MUSIC
professor sitting at desk under umrella, wife stands nearby holding her skirts up from flooded floor, water pours from ceiling like steady rain
Professor’s Wife: “Septimus, the thaw has burst the pipes.”
Professor: “No, no, Marie. As I’ve Had occasion to explain to you
every year since I Can remember, it’s the frost that bursts the
pipes—NOT the thaw.”
man on shore surrounded by midges speaks to man in center of creek up to his neck and still his face is surrounded by midges
“My dear fellow, you’ll never catch anything like that.”
“No—dare say not—get away from most of the midges, though.”
two golfers shouting at each other over the lay of their two golfballs next to each other
two men talking at club with another group of men listening to someone tell a story
“Have you heard Brown’s story of how he scored off a taxi-driver this morning?”
“Yes. I told him it last night.”
man and woman talking at dinner table
Fair Partner: “One always meets so many interesting people here that I get quite confused. Now tell me,
which Mr. Jones are you?”
Jones: “Me? Oh, I’m only the Jones who’s invited to brighten up a dull party.”
man has field full of crows, visits a modern scuplture gallery and then uses the sculptures to great success as scarecrows
A USE FOR MODERN ART
One golfer 's pipe smoke drifts into another golfer's face
woman has inadvertently snagged a great deal of merchandise with her umbrella handle's hook
Tactful Shopwalker (to lady who seems to have got into the rough with her umbrella): “Excuse me, Madam, but would
you not prefer to have them sent for you?”
Doctor wearing forgotten party hat looks in at patient in consulting room
Unfortunate oversight on the part of a practitioner called away from his children’s party to attend a patient in
his consulting-room.
Printed in Great Britain by Jarrold & Sons, Ltd., Norwich, England.