Treat all girls as you would have boys treat your sister.—Until girls are sixteen and boys are eighteen, when thrown together, it is wisest and best for them to engage in plays and games as children without any thought of being sweethearts. Small boys should learn that it is not manly for them to squeeze the hand of a girl, tease, pinch or pull a girl’s hair and he should not think of such an ungentlemanly thing as to try to kiss a girl. The reason for this advice is, these relations tend to create in the mind thoughts that a true knight will not entertain. You would not want a boy to treat your sister in this way. A boy who would treat another boy’s sister as he would not want her brother to treat his sister, is not a true knight. Nature and God teach that man is woman’s protector.
The truest bravery.—The boy who would expose himself to danger and death to save a girl from drowning or being crushed by a street car, is brave and deserves much praise. But he is not as brave and does not deserve as much praise, as does the boy who defends the honor and purity of a girl, not his sister. To positively refuse to allow a boy to talk about a girl in your presence in a way that you would not allow him to speak to your sister, is the courage of a knight. The good name of a girl is worth more to her than money, houses and lands. It is so easy for boys, who engage in obscene language about girls, to invent and tell some story about some girl who is perfectly innocent, and, in this way, start others to talking about her. This is called slander. It is one of the most unmanly and cowardly deeds a boy can be guilty of. This is a very common sin among a class of boys. A boy cannot become a true knight who allows himself to have wrong thoughts about girls, much less to talk about them. All vulgar men were once vulgar boys. If you will cultivate a hatred for vulgarity while you are a boy, you will hate it when you are a man.
Bad company.—When hundreds of prisoners were asked, “What brought you to this?” they replied, “Bad company brought us to this.” No doubt that more boys go wrong through bad company than through any other agency. When a boy keeps bad company, it will be very hard for him not to do as they do. Many times he will do wrong rather than be called “baby.” A true knight will be interested in helping a bad boy to overcome his temptations, but he cannot run the risk of being injured by making a bad boy his companion. If he associates with the rude, listens to vulgarity long, he will become rude and vulgar.
Boys should protect girls.—The very thought of a boy’s insulting your sister causes a feeling of great hatred to rise in your breast. Why is this? Girls are not as strong as boys. They need protection. That feeling comes to you because you know that you are your sister’s protector. This is bravery. But the knightliest young knight, is the boy who will not speak an unmanly word about another boy’s sister and will bravely and kindly rebuke the boy who does.
The true knight has one standard of morals.—No young knight would play and associate with a girl who uses cigarettes, vulgarity or swears. Then, if he is a brave, true knight, he will not ask for better company than he is willing to give. The true knight of the twentieth century will have but one standard of morals. Ever since the days of savagery, when man could swap, exchange or sell his daughters in the same way that he could his property, society has been accustomed to a double standard of morals—purity and temperance for woman, do as you please for boys and men. In the days of savagery, the value of a girl on the marriage market was determined by her being pure. If she had been impure, no man wanted to buy her to become his wife, but she was stoned to death or forced to become a slave. Man was free. No one owned him. He could live just as he pleased. Woman could not do as she pleased. Her very life, the privilege of becoming a wife and a mother all depended on her being pure. Is it not strange that people have allowed this relic of savagery to pass down the centuries without correcting it. People take what is customary to be right. They do not try to decide whether a custom is fair, just and right or not. It is hard to rid our minds of this old custom. If you should see a girl or woman walking along the street of a city smoking you would condemn her as a bad woman. But there goes a man doing the same thing. Is he as bad as the woman? We judge that he is not. Unless we know him to be a bad man, we regard and treat him as a gentleman. On a street corner or in a hotel you hear a girl or woman swearing and using the most obscene language. You do not hesitate to believe that she is bad. You would frown upon her in society. You would scorn her association. Even the guilty man would not respect such a woman. This is because custom has biased our very thinking. The very best people are unfair to the girl and the woman. They forgive in man what they condemn in the girl and woman.
Will you enlist in the new knighthood?—There was never an organized effort to break down and destroy the double standard of morals until some twenty years ago. In England there are several hundred organizations of young men, in some of these there are several hundred members, and they have pledged themselves to live as pure lives as the girls they expect some day to marry. Every one of these boys and young men is a knight. These organizations are being formed throughout Canada, and there are some being formed in the United States. The world has never offered such a grand and great opportunity for boys to become knights as it does in this century. In the days of chivalry, the young man who gave his life to protect the honor of a lady was a truer knight than the man who gave his life on the battlefield to protect his country. It takes a higher form of bravery and manhood to protect the virtue of girlhood and womanhood than it does to face whizzing bullets, booming cannons, and exploding shells. The great purity movement of this age, with its ever-increasing army of brave, determined and self-sacrificing authors and lecturers, is enlisting and marshalling an army of knights destined to overthrow this monster of savagery. All over this country thousands of brave boys and men are enlisting. This great twentieth century crusade against vice is summoning to its ranks every chivalrous boy and man and every good girl and woman. Here is the chance to be a true knight. Will you enlist? We invite you. We welcome you to become a true knight.
Views of the past.—In the past, sex has been regarded as vitally a part of our physical organism. We are now learning that sex is vitally and substantially a part of our psychic nature—physical, mental and moral life. In the male, this sex life may become chemicalized and find expression on a purely physical plane, but this is not its true or highest function. Its highest function in relation to the individual, male or female, is the creation of new life—physical, mental and moral. Its highest function in relation to society is that of reproduction.
The unsexed male horse.—If the male horse be deprived of certain sexual glands when he is a year old, at maturity he will not have the sparkling eye; the high arched muscular neck; the heavy flowing mane and tail; the deep hip and chest muscles, and the elastic bearing of the stallion.
The caponized male bird.—If a male bird be caponized, he will not grow a large comb, ear-lobes and wattles, long glossy, flowing neck and tail feathers, or strong sharp spurs on his legs; he will be without gallantry, courage and energy.
The eunuch.—If a boy be made a eunuch, when he is twenty-five he will have no beard, unless it be a few short scattering hairs; his voice will be devoid of the deep bass tones of a man; his shoulders will be round and drooped like a girl’s; he will be without bravery, gallantry, ambition, energy and will be very limited in mental capacity.
The unsexed girl.—If the ovaries and breasts of a small girl should be removed, when she is twenty she would not have the graceful outlines of limbs, body, shoulders, neck and face; her skin would not become thin and fair; her cheeks would not have the ruddy glow; her eyes would not be bright and expressive; her hair would not be long, heavy and glossy; her voice would not be rich and tender, sympathetic and musical; she would not take a keen interest in intellectual, moral and social questions; she would be a woman devoid of many of the physical, mental and moral characteristics belonging to attractive, beautiful womanhood.
Without these organs of sex it would not be possible for a girl to develop into attractive normal womanhood. Should these organs be removed after she has attained maturity, she and her friends would notice a gradual loss in her physical, mental and moral tone.
The two functions of the sexual glands.—These easily recognized and well established facts show that these organs perform an involuntary and continuous function that is vitally related to the attainment and maintenance of perfect womanhood. We know that whatever interferes with this function will prevent the attainment and maintenance of these ideals. What is the nature of this function? The monthly creation of the ovum and the monthly period do not answer the question, for both represent a sacrifice. The function of becoming a mother does not explain it, for the reason that perfect womanhood may be attained and maintained in the single life. The explanation lies in the fact that the sexual glands of a woman, breasts and ovaries, each have two functions—a periodic and special function and a continuous involuntary function. After the dawning of puberty the ovaries, once every twenty-eight days, produce an egg or ovum. This is their periodic function. Should she become a mother and nurse her child, this function of lactation would be the periodic function of the breasts.
The continuous function.—Day and night, asleep and awake, both the breasts and the ovaries are generating an internal secretion that is being absorbed and used by every organ of the body, faculty of the mind and attribute of the moral nature. This continuous function, not only aids in the attainment and maintenance of perfect womanhood, but enables her to perform perfectly the periodic functions of motherhood and lactation.
The generation, absorption, distribution and assimilation of the sex life in the development and normal functions of womanhood are controlled by natural laws, but these laws may be aided or interfered with by the individual. As a result of morbid sex heredity, ignorance of sex laws and a false education, most people misdirect their sex life. When we learn to plan intelligently for the creation of children, to respect their prenatal rights, to give them a warm and loving welcome into our homes and wisely to instruct them in regard to their sex natures, the sex life will then be intelligently directed towards the development of a more perfect manhood and womanhood.
The relation of the mind to the salivary glands.—It is quite important for one to understand the relation of the mind to the functions of the sexual system. The mind has the power to stimulate many of the glands of the body to unusual activity. In the presence of delicious fruit, or a table spread with tempting food, the mind stimulates the salivary glands to increased activity. The blood flows freely to the glands and they secrete saliva many times as fast as they would when the mind is engaged in other things. If, when the saliva is being secreted so rapidly the mind should be suddenly directed to something else the unusual flow of saliva would cease.
The relation of the mind to the organs of generation.—The mind can awaken, intensify, and prolong a desire for food. This causes a rush of blood to the salivary glands, stimulating them to unusual activity in the secretion of saliva. In the same way the mind can awaken, intensify and prolong sexual excitement. This causes a rush of blood to the genital glands and stimulates them to unusual activity. In the male, this results in the dissipation of the vital energy by voluntary or involuntary discharges of the vital fluid. In the female, the internal secretions or vital energy does not become chemicalized as in the male, but is directed to wrong channels or is dissipated by radiation.
There are some authors who hold that the injuries sustained by the female, due to impure habits of thinking, the secret sin, or sexual excesses, are not caused by dissipated sexual life, but are due to the strain upon the nervous system. We have already observed that the development of the feminine physical and mental characteristics during adolescence and the maintenance of womanhood are due to the generation of an internal secretion of the genital glands. The nerves, as well as all other organs of the body, faculties of the mind and powers of the soul, are injured by the dissipation of this energy.
What produces impure thoughts.—Whatever leads the mind to entertain lascivious thoughts about matters of sex will cause an excess of blood to flow to the genital organs, resulting in sex consciousness and passion. The reading of novels tainted with immoral suggestions, admiring obscene pictures, engaging in the public round dance or waltz, kissing, caressing, teasing, fondling, or what modern society calls “spooning” if indulged in by the sexes, will produce these results. Self-pollution, or the secret sin, is more common among the females than was formerly believed. These indulgences lead to abnormal sexual desire, weaken the will and make it possible for the girl to surrender the priceless gem of virtue.
Effects of impure thinking.—The dissipation of the sex life in any one or more of these ways will slowly undermine the physical, mental and moral health. The victim loses the snap and luster of the eye, the ruddy glow of health, plumpness of features, and becomes conscious of bodily lassitude, nervousness, loss of mental and moral tone. Dissipation of the sex life will explain many a nervous invalid and consumptive patient. It is for you to decide.—The continuous involuntary function of the creative organs is to generate this creative force, this life principle. It is for you to decide what use you will make of it. If you keep your mind pure, eat only wholesome food, take plenty of exercise, breathe deeply, sleep in properly ventilated rooms, spend much time in God’s out-of-doors, this creative life will vitalize the blood, give elasticity and strength to the muscles, and will express itself in physical health, strength and beauty. By keeping your mind pure, following the forgotten physical directions, taking plenty of mental exercise in reading books of high mental and moral tone, hearing good speakers and indulging in independent thought, this vital principle will be directed to the brain, where it will be converted into intellectual brilliancy and mental vigor. If you keep your mind pure and follow the physical directions given, cultivate an unselfish interest in the well-being of others, sympathize with the sorrowing, boost the discouraged, love the unlovely, help to bear the burdens of others, recognize your need of Christ, surrender your life to Him, this God-given creative life will be directed to the moral nature. This is Perfect Womanhood.
The introduction.—Since you were a very small girl I have very carefully selected the stories told you and the books and papers read to you. What we read very largely determines our thoughts, words, actions and character. In the past I have told you many stories of my childhood, stories I had heard, stories found in the Bible and good books, besides reading many good books to you. During these years I have selected many simple interesting books for you to read. I made the selection for you because I knew what books were too difficult for you; what books would interest you; what books would do you good and what books would do you harm. Then you enjoyed those stories which most appealed to a child.
Why girls are fond of novels.—Usually the novel craze comes on a girl when she is about fifteen years of age. This is because of certain changes that are taking place. God has made her a social being. About this time in a girl’s life the developing sex nature is stimulating and awakening the social nature. Thoughts of a lover, courtship, marriage, wifehood and motherhood are occasionally entertained by her. This is perfectly natural. The reason she wants to read novels is because they deal with the social experiences and this appeals to and satisfies her developing social life.
She is in a period of transition.—Wonderful changes are now taking place, not only in the delicate curves of bust and hips, in the dainty coloring and superb vitality of body, but also in the thoughts, feelings and emotions. At this time a girl is passing from girlhood to womanhood. It is the developing sex life that is producing all of these new changes. With this new life and new experiences come new dangers. Prior to this time there has been but little difference between her mind and that of her brother’s. But, now, this new life is developing the woman in her. In this transition period, she is conscious of the girl she was and partly is, and of the woman she is to be and partly is. This is rather a mixed experience. This accounts for the girl’s changeable states of mind, emotions, feelings and sentiments. If this new life is properly directed, it will contribute much to the joy, charm, and beauty of an ideal womanhood.
The difference between a good novel and a bad novel.—The world is being flooded with novels, good and bad. They are very popular because they are light reading and appeal to the social nature. Their authors write largely about courtship and marriage. Some of these books are good and some dangerously bad. A good novel is one that is high in literary and moral tone, true to life and gives one a natural and true idea of noble manhood and pure womanhood; of their social relations in courtship, marriage and parentage. A good novel can be read by a girl to her parents or before a company of young people without embarrassment. A bad novel is one that is either highly sensational, intensely romantic, untrue to life, tainted with immorality, or in some way gives one a perverted vision of all the sacred relations of life. A novel that a girl would be ashamed to read before her parents, or a group of friends, belongs to that class of literature that should be tabooed.
The effects of the vicious novel.—If the girl reads the questionable or vicious novels, fancies them, admires their heroes and heroines, and in her mind condones their indiscretions, excuses their sins,—as the author does,—the influence cannot be otherwise than bad. Such novels must give an unnatural tone to her thoughts, feelings and sentiments. Cause and effect are always inseparably related. The outward life is the enfolding of the inner life of feelings, sentiments and emotions. This inner life is affected by what we read. If a girl delights in reading novels that condone, excuse, or advocate a girl receiving caresses, kisses and keeping late hours at night with a beau, she will not likely greet her prince at the marriage altar with the rare queenly gift of unkissed lips. If she delights to read the novels whose heroine was angelic in all things, except in the insignificant item of personal purity, she too will be in danger of lacking that same element of character when she marries, should she be so fortunate as to become a wife. If she delights in reading novels, whose married heroines lived “double lives,” she too, one day may be guilty of imitating the heroines she worshiped.
Novels which are untrue to life, tainted with immorality, certainly account for many girls going astray, many who overtrust their lovers, and many uncongenial marriages and many divorces. The title of a novel usually indicates its contents. Novels with sensational titles or titles suggesting unnatural and immoral thoughts, appealing to the morbid and baser feelings should be avoided.
How to direct and conserve the creative life.—This new life, the sex life of a girl, if rightly retained and directed will give strength, health, beauty and perfection of the body; alertness, strength and brilliancy of every faculty of the mind and power of the soul. The sex life is three-fold in its nature, being related to the physical, mental and soul life.
It is a law of human biology that the direction of this energy is very largely under the direction of the mind. If one desires bodily development and will take regular and systematic physical training, this energy can be built into the muscles giving them the body of an athlete. If one desires intellectual development and will regularly and systematically exercise every faculty of the mind, this energy will be directed to the brain, resulting in intellectual brilliancy. The same law applies with equal force to the development of the feelings, sentiments and emotions of the moral nature. If we take normal physical, mental and moral exercise, this energy will be conserved in the blood, which is the life, and directed so as to produce a perfect development. Sin alone has brought conflict and inharmony into our three-fold nature and prevents perfect happiness and perfect development. This is an appalling fact. We are hereditarily degenerate. God’s grace and the right exercise of the will in relation to perfect self-control are necessary conditions of individual and race improvement. If lascivious thoughts are allowed control of the will, this creative life will be misdirected, the generative system will become abnormal, resulting in sexual weakness and depriving the entire being of the benefits of this energy.
The relation of reading to the disposition of the sex life.—A fondness for reading highly romantic, intensely sensational, untrue and immoral novels is abnormal and lead to a misdirection of this creative life. There is the romantic element in our nature which should be developed, but it should not be over-developed. We should have a balanced development. The degenerate elements in our nature, inherited or acquired, should be suppressed and eliminated. The vicious novel increases the creation of the sex life and at the same time misdirects it. This intensifies our degeneracy.
Reading good literature, facts or fiction, or both, is normal and leads to a natural generation of and distribution of this energy. Girls should read a general line of good literature. The romantic nature is especially active in youth. It is for this reason that the youth is inclined to read only fiction. If in young life we would develop properly, we should choose a general line of reading, embracing some of the standard books of fiction, history, travel, poetry, biography, essays and religion.
Advice concerning books.—Every young person should possess some good books of his own, even if but few. They should read good books. Time is too valuable to be wasted in reading bad or even mediocre books. In this way they keep company with the great men and women of this day and of the past. In this way they become heirs to the intellectual and spiritual wealth of the past and are intimately associated with and related to the mental and spiritual aristocracy of the present. They may not be recognized in their community as belonging to the “upper tens,” but they can keep company with the best men and women of the ages by reading good books.
Just as we have read and talked together about good books and stories in the past, so I trust we shall find it pleasant and profitable to be companionable in our reading in the future. I will be glad to aid you in the selection of such books and magazines as will be pleasant and profitable for you to read in the near future. I will always appreciate the privilege of hearing you read a book that you like, of discussing the merits of a book with you, or of giving you the best advice that I am capable of giving with reference to any book that you may desire to read.
Why attractive.—Dancing is one of the social temptations that come to young girls when they are fifteen and older. The gliding, swaying movements of the dance, the brilliantly lighted halls, the intoxicating strains of fast music, the gay and jovial throng and the display of dress appeal strongly to the feelings of young people.
Dancing in itself is not sinful or objectionable.—There is nothing intrinsically wrong in the act of dancing. There is nothing sinful in the act of bathing the entire body. But the act can be performed under social conditions when it would not be only a sin but a crime. There could be no moral objection to the dancing together of young men, neither could there be any moral objection to the dancing of young ladies with each other. Individuals could dance alone, brothers and sisters and near relatives from homes of culture, refinement and good morals could dance together without committing a moral wrong. Or if society had remained satisfied with the old “Virginia reel” or the “square dance” little harm would come of it. Dancing with these restrictions, is seldom engaged in to-day for the reason that the pleasure found in the waltz and round dance is so largely diminished.
The secret of the dance’s hold on society.—If modern dancing were restricted to the chaste and pure, and limited to the parlors of the best homes and safeguarded by the presence of the heads of that home, dancing would lose much of its attractive hold upon society. If the dancing of the sexes together were prohibited by law and should the government provide well equipped dance halls in every village and city to be used free of charge, with the one restriction that the sexes dance separate, there would be little temptation to dance. This reveals the true secret of the public dance. Here is about the relation assumed by young people in executing the dance as we have it to-day. The young man places his right arm around the waist of the young lady; she places her head against his left shoulder, her heaving breasts are against his, her right hand is held in his left, he places his foot, sometimes his leg, between hers. To this must be added, the young lady, if properly attired, must wear a sleeveless, low-necked dress exposing, in part, her secondary sexual charms, the breasts; wine, ale and beer are often indulged in freely by many of the young men and occasionally by some of the young women.
The public dance a menace to society.—From this description you will easily see that the public dance, as we have it to-day, appears to have been especially contrived, in all of its appointments, to awaken and arouse the sex nature. It is for this reason almost all truly religious people and churches condemn the public dance. In almost all communities the public dance has been relegated by the best classes of society to a lower class. There are some communities where the dance is encouraged in homes of wealth, culture and refinement. For a few years at least, they pride themselves in the fact that only the best are invited. Here, of course, the harm would be reduced to some degree. Many erring women attribute their fall in part, or entirely to the public dance. Many vicious young men use the dance as their most successful means of accomplishing the ruin of young girls. When the young woman assumes for the first time the relation of the dance, her sense of womanly modesty is greatly shocked. If she continues to dance, this relation becomes less embarrassing. If she becomes very fond of dancing, this will usually be due to her passions being aroused by the magnetic, amorous influence of her partner in the dance. She will not enjoy dancing with men who fail to excite in her those agreeable feelings. She will be popular with this class of men to the extent that she is able to respond to their amorous nature. She will not fully realize that the pleasure she enjoys, while dancing, is inseparable from her sex nature; she may never fall, but constant sexual excitement caused by the dance will produce all the evil effects of the secret sin.
Other objections.—Aside from this main objection, there are a number of other objections. The flimsy dress, late hours at night, over-exertion and poorly ventilated halls are in violation of the simple laws of health. It fosters unfortunate social distinctions, leads many young people to violate the wishes of their parents and their church vows, keeps many from Christ, and interferes with the spiritual life of others. It is responsible for not a few life-long invalids, premature deaths from heart trouble and consumption, ruined marriages and cursed children with illegitimacy. It has broken the hearts, bowed the heads, carved lines of sorrow on the face and silvered the hair of loving devoted parents.
Right information needed.—Few young people understand the nature of the dance. Those who have condemned it have rarely done so in the right spirit or given a satisfactory reason why the public dance is wrong. Owing to the relation of the modern dance to the sex nature it would usually be wiser to discuss it before single sex audiences. If young people, who are interested in developing a perfect manhood and womanhood, understood how the modern dance complicates each other’s sex problems, they would discard the dance from their social programmes. I am sure they would arrange for other forms of diversions and entertainment. The cold-blooded facts are, few, if any, vigorous young men and women can persist long in the modern dance and maintain perfectly chaste thoughts and emotions. It is a sad thought that many young people are not interested in developing perfect manhood and perfect womanhood. They are not likely to heed the advice of this talk. By all who understand the value of the creative life, the importance of keeping the mind pure, this advice will be appreciated and heeded.
Girlhood.—We have talked with each other about a small girl’s ethics, the proper social relations of girls with boys. Your girlhood has been one of innocence, playfulness and unbounded joy. I have noticed with real pleasure that you have not been in a hurry to leave the period of girlhood. Although you will soon be seventeen, and you are quite as large as your mother, you will not be a mature woman until you are about twenty.
Occasional association with young men.—You have had one or two schoolroom flirtations, of small consequence, a few times you have been escorted home from school or church by youths who had but recently reached the dignity of “long pants,” but you are now of an age when you will be thrown more in company with young men. Many will call to see you whom you will entertain no thought of marrying. For several years your social relation with young men will be only that of friendship. To associate occasionally with young men who are socially, intellectually
and morally, your equal is natural, enjoyable and in many ways very helpful.
Girls should demand a single standard of morals.—You should treat young men as you would wish young women to treat your brother. Many young men will want to call, whose habits and character are such that you cannot associate with them, without injury to your social and moral standing. If you do not know a young man’s record, who seeks your company, have your papa or brother look it up. Be frank, kind and positive in your explanation that you cannot encourage his attentions because of his evil habits and his bad record. Assure him that you will gladly assist him to reform and to step up to the standard you hold for a young man, but that you cannot and will not approve of his life by stepping down to his plane. If all girls would demand a “white life” of young men, fewer would sow their “wild oats.” If all sensible and moral girls would frankly and kindly express their disapproval of the filthy, expensive and injurious habits of using tobacco and drink, there would be fewer “boozers” and unfortunate appendixes to the wet end of cigarettes.
Many young men are indiscreet or immoral.—In your association with young men be natural, be yourself, be frank, use good sense, guard against any indiscretion in yourself or in young men. It is a custom with many young men to try to hold the girl’s hand, to play with her hair, to pinch her arms, to pat her cheeks, to drop carelessly their hands in her lap, or to place their arms about her neck or waist. Unless densely ignorant, such young men are vicious. All the males among the lower animals, at certain seasons, make a peculiar noise recognized by the females as a “sex call,” and the males have their peculiar methods of teasing the females inviting their consent to the sexual act. Whether young people put this sex interpretation on pinching, caressing, hugging and kissing or not, it is, in its final analysis, a sex call. These are the methods used by the seducer. These are the indiscretions into which uninformed youths easily drift to their ruin.
If a young man appears to be ignorant of the real nature of these indiscretions, he is to be pitied and helped. If he persists in these indiscretions, he should not be extended the courtesy of an invitation to make another call. If you allow one young man to kiss you, he believes that you allow others the same privilege, whether you do or not. Young men who possess one spark of manhood will admire and respect you more than the girls they may kiss.
Be sensible.—In your conversation with young men, have something sensible and interesting to say. Have some charming story to read or tell them. Have them read or tell you a story. This will enable you to help them cultivate an interest in intellectual matters. Many young people get into the habit of indulging in the most insane and ridiculous conversation.
“Hands off.”—Moonlight walks along unfrequented streets or roads, night buggy rides, late hours in the parlor, low-necked dresses and suggestive post cards, photos and pictures are unnecessary sources of temptation. When young women permit these social privileges and conditions, young men naturally conclude that they are easy victims. The clear-eyed, frank, pure, common-sense girl will have but little trouble in letting young men know her disapproval of that which is questionable, indiscreet or undignified. They will soon learn to respect her convictions. She will seldom find it necessary to enforce her ideals in an aggressive way. She will kindly, tactfully and positively enforce the rule, “hands off”; she will keep ever in her mind the ideal of manhood she hopes one day to realize in her king. She will never do or say anything while entertaining young men that would displease the mental image of her future prince.
Letter writing.—If you should correspond with a young man, be interesting, sensible, cautious and sincere. You should never put in a letter to a young man, what you would object to your mother’s reading. You would be surprised to know how many young men compare their letters from young women. If you will remember this and consider the possible consequence, you will be cautious what you put in a letter.
Ethics of the engaged.—Thus far we have studied the ethics of young women in their relation to young men, as friends only. Friendship may assume a more serious nature and ripen into love. Love is the strongest and at the same time the weakest, the most fickle; the most far-sighted and the blindest; the wisest and sometimes the most foolish, of human attributes. Love should listen to the voice of reason, judgment and will. That experience, called love, that makes courtship so delightful and beautiful, marriage desirable and sacred, that harmonizes differences, blends personalities, and makes the two one, is the child of the sex life. When the sex life is normal, the two having lived virtuous lives, love will be pure and intense. If one, or both have misused their sex life, lust, the child of sensuality, may be easily mistaken for love. Harmony, happiness and heaven will reign in the home where both have been pure before marriage and remain true to each other after marriage. Where one or both break their marriage vows the bond of love is broken. The deed may never be confessed, but the estrangement will be felt. Lust is responsible for most unfortunate marriages, domestic inharmonies and divorces. Lust on the part of one, and love on the part of the other, can never make a happy marriage. Pure love on the part of both is the only thing that can stand the inevitable tests of marriage.
Some advice.—Shun sudden emotions, cultivate sincerity, covet neither beauty nor wealth, be true to the best that is within you; don’t be in a hurry to become engaged; the first chance may not be the best; wait for the coming of your prince. Until he comes, don’t trifle with your affections or the affections of a gentleman friend by making marriage engagements. This is dangerous, as well as a very great sin. When you have found your prince, you should not postpone marriage by a long engagement. It is not necessary or wise to wait until you are as well equipped for housekeeping as your parents now are.
Long engagements.—If your prince is healthy, industrious, economical and has a few hundred ahead; or if he has a good education and a good position, with the other qualities, he can make a living for his family. If either of these conditions exists, a long engagement should be avoided. If either of these conditions does not exist a definite engagement with a man would be unwise.
Hasty marriages.—The other extreme of hasty marriage is to be condemned. If marriage takes place when one or both are immature, the offspring must suffer. If an engagement follows a very brief acquaintance, disagreeable qualities may be discovered later, to be followed by a broken engagement. Hasty and brief engagements often terminate in the divorce courts.
Closing advice.—When friendship has ripened into love, the vital question being asked and answered; fraternal relations established between the families; and the engagement is a blissful reality, what then should be the rules governing the young woman’s ethics? Inflexible rules would be difficult to give. Much depends upon the man to whom she is engaged and the length of the engagement. During the pending engagement both should remember that they are not married, and hence there are liberties in the married life that are not theirs until the civil phase of marriage has completed their oneness. All embracing and sitting in each other’s lap should be entirely avoided. Pictures, showbills and post cards have taught in recent years some very vicious lessons to the youth. An occasional good-by kiss between the engaged, at the close of a call, just before parting, unaccompanied by an embrace should result in no harm to either.
She should be frank, sincere and earnest, versatile, entertaining and affectionate, but very discreet. If she follows these simple and essential rules, she and her prince will be all the happier during their pending engagement and will respect and love each other all the more through life.
Why most girls go wrong.—In my talk on a young woman’s ethics, I endeavored to give you such information and advice, regarding your association with young men, as would safeguard your character. Few girls have been as well informed by their mothers in these matters as they should have been. As a result of ignorance, many girls, even out of our best homes, annually fall. Were all girls taught by their mothers along this important line and could they see the tragic consequence of going wrong, it is evident that very few young women would ever go astray.
Few women go wrong from choice.—It should be said, in justice to fallen women, that but few would have gone wrong, had it not been for the seductive wiles of designing men. Man is woman’s natural protector. Women naturally trust men, and look to them for protection. The young man who lives a pure life, maintained by noble, pure ideas, is a safe guardian of a young woman’s virtue. Unfortunately such young men are the exceptions and not the rule. Most young men receive their first lessons in matters of sex from ignorant, sinful men. From their early teens their highest ideas of manhood involve the ruin of some girl. The training that most boys and young men receive leads naturally to these perverted ideas. As a result of this false training the natural feelings of being a friend, a champion, a protector of a girl’s honor and virtue are gradually transformed into the sentiments of a libertine. Such young men are found in all grades of society. They cultivate the acquaintance of innocent, unsuspecting girls, make love to them, win their confidence and affections, set dates for early marriage, then practice their seductive methods with vows of marriage oft repeated, pluck the lily of virtue and leave their victims to suffer endless remorse, while they gloat over their successes, go unwhipped and lose no social prestige.
If motherhood does not expose her sin.—If this betrayal does not result in her becoming a mother, and her betrayer does not expose her sin to the public, her problems will be much more easily solved. But, even if she is so fortunate as to escape motherhood and her betrayer does not boast to others of what he has done, yet no pen can portray, no rhetoric can describe and no imagination can conceive her fearful dreams, her fevered memories and her agonies of remorse.
If motherhood does expose her sin.—The gravest problems arise where the girl is to become a mother. To shield herself and to save her family from disgrace, her first thought will be to use some means to rid herself of the unborn life. In this awful hour of conscious guilt, mental bewilderment and soul agony the girl would gladly welcome death in any form rather than face the inevitable exposure that awaits her. God only knows how many girls commit suicide and how many mysterious deaths might be explained by this cause. Where they succeed in destroying the unwelcome life, physical health is often wrecked. But suppose that death or ill health does not follow, what must be the effects on the mind and soul that follow this cold-blooded act of willful prenatal murder.
If her lover refuses marriage, she should confess to her mother.—It is not to be wondered at that so many girls, when deceived in a love affair, rather than face unforgiving parents, a cold and heartless world, a social condition that excuses in man what is an unpardonable sin in woman, choose a life of immorality in a house of shame. This unkindness, this injustice, this down-right cruelty toward woman is a relic of savagery that clings on to civilization with a tenacity that even Christianity has thus far failed to eradicate. Until the truth of a “White life for two” frees us from this monster of injustice, what should the wronged girl do? To commit suicide, to murder her unborn child, to run away from home and give herself over to an immoral life only adds greater sins to the one already committed. Poor, weak, ignorant, confiding girl, her lot is now a hard one. If there were anything remotely akin to manhood in her betrayer, he would now do the only thing he can do that is right—marry her. If he refuses, then she should at once go to her parents and make the most humiliating confession a human being can make. It may require more effort to do this than to try to solve the problem in any other way, but usually this is best. Sometimes the parents will pity and forgive, sometimes they will cast her out. The last should never be true. Could the parents only realize how much of her fall was due to their lack of proper education, how much was due to passion they may have bequeathed her, they would not cast her out from home at such a time.
Homes for the unfortunate girls.—Her parents, brothers and sisters have social rights that must be respected. For her to remain at home during her sickness would attract unnecessary attention to the event and subject innocent members of the family to needless humiliation due to the ridicule and scorn of the neighbors. There are homes in all our large cities for the unfortunate girl where she can spend a few months before and after the birth of her child. Should the child be still-born, or die soon after birth, by going away from home, she and her family may be shielded from the curiosity and scorn of the friends and neighbors.
She should be true to her child.—New problems arise if her child lives. Most young illegitimate mothers give their children over to some “Home Finders Institution.” Circumstances may sometimes justify, or seem to justify, this disposition of the child. The child is bone of her bone, blood of her blood, life of her life. She is largely responsible for bringing the innocent, helpless child into the world; she should not add to her personal sin and to her sin against the child by deserting and leaving it to the cold mercies of a selfish, unsympathetic world. If her parents sympathize with and forgive her, they will most likely have her return to their home with the child. The women of the community will circulate the scandal on her return until they wear all the reports thread-bare. But the girl must make up her mind to face this, live an ideal life and endure the sneers until she lives it down. This will be a severe trial, but she will have a chance to show the world what a beautiful life a wronged woman can live when given a half chance.
If driven from home.—If her parents drive her from home, her experience becomes the bitterest known to a human being. But she should not despair. He who said to the woman, “caught in the act,” “go and sin no more” is ever ready to help bear her burdens and speak to her the same words of forgiveness and cheer. In all large cities there are “Homes for the Friendless,” where friendless girls may go without charge until after they recover from confinement.
A real living incident.—I will tell you a real, living incident which is only one among many of the human tragedies, with shifting variations, occurring annually in nearly every community, enacted upon the dramatic stage of modern society’s double standard of morals. A young lady of twenty-four years, a teacher in a city high school, during a revival became deeply concerned about her spiritual interests. After seeking Christ for some four days, she said to her spiritual adviser: “I am in great trouble. I can’t get to God in the condition I am in. Since the death of my father and only brother, you are the only person to whom I have felt that I could confide matters of such a personal and delicate nature as I feel compelled to relate to you. Since I came to your city four years ago, I have assumed the title of ‘Mrs,’ allowing widowhood to be inferred. I have never been married. I am wearing the name of the man, who by every possible moral right should have married me and been a true husband to me. I am a mother and my little girl of six summers is wearing the name of her father, which civil law says she has no right to wear. My mother, sisters, relatives and former friends all are under the impression that I am divorced.
“If I become a Christian, I want to unite with the church. If I give the name I am now wearing to be placed on the church register, I shall be living and practicing a lie. If I give my maiden name, I shall expose my mistake, bring disgrace upon my family, brand my child with illegitimacy, and lose my position as a teacher, whereby I make my living, support my child and am able to live a pure life. What must I do?”
The person to whom she related this story was greatly perplexed for an answer. Though a godly man, a minister, the double standard of morals had so biased his thinking that he was not prepared to give her a fair and just answer.
Hoping that additional light might help him out of his dilemma, he asked her to tell him what led to her fall.
She replied, “After the death of father and brother, our bread winners and protectors, mother, sisters and I made our living by keeping student boarders from a church college. One of our boarders, a young law student, made love to me, won my affections and complete confidence. We were engaged to be married on the day of his graduation. Only a few months before this event he asked for privileges that belonged only to the married. I was perfectly shocked and dazed. I resented the request as an insult. He insisted that he meant no offense, that he considered that we loved and trusted each other as much as we possibly could after we were married. He insisted that we were as truly one as if we were married, that the mere legal phase was only a custom and had no moral significance and that it was very common for the engaged to enjoy this privilege. After many days of entreaty, promise of marriage oft repeated, and loving caresses, I made the profound mistake of my life.
“Some weeks before the commencement, I discovered that I was to be a mother. I pleaded with him for immediate marriage. He insisted that marriage would interfere seriously with his examination work and that he was to begin his legal profession in a distant state and that marriage could be safely delayed until commencement. On the gay day of his graduation he suggested that he had our future home in a distant state rented and furnished awaiting our arrival. He suggested that marriage there would be rather romantic. I accepted the idea. We arrived in the town, on a late night train, where he was to practice law. A hackman conveyed us to our new home. I found it as he had described it. We spent the night as husband and wife. The next morning he suggested that we had thoughtlessly made a very serious mistake, that to get married there would ruin me socially and him in his profession. He suggested a plan that appeared wise to me, viz.: after a few weeks to take a train to some distant state and there be married. Later he suggested that we had better wait until the baby was born. Not until the child was two years old did I ever doubt his purpose of marriage.
“One day a doubt took possession of me. I grew desperate in my determination. On his return home, I faced him and demanded immediate marriage, refusing to live with him longer unless he took immediate steps to correct the mistakes of the past. I pleaded for the rights of his child, for my rights. Once more he renewed his fidelity and promised to arrange immediately his business so we could make the trip in a week or ten days. Meanwhile he secretly dissolved partnership, disposed of almost all his property, took a midnight train, without a good-by kiss, and left for parts unknown.
“I sold off our furniture, wrote mother that husband and I had disagreed and had separated, that I would send her my little girl and would help support the family by teaching.”
The minister’s mistake.—Then she said to the minister, “I never meant to be a sinner, I am living a pure life. What must I do?” The minister advised her to confess to the church what she had done and said that he would plead with the church to forgive and stand by her. If this woman had followed the minister’s advice she would have lost her position as a teacher, she would have lost her social standing, she would not have been given a sympathetic and loving welcome into the church, she would have brought disgrace upon her home and placed society’s stigma of illegitimacy upon her child. The minister would not have demanded a similar confession from the man who was far more guilty than she. That conscientious minister would insist upon restitution’s being made for stolen property, as a condition of divine forgiveness, but a libertine may pluck the lily of purity from a maiden’s brow, and rob his child of sacred birth, allow mother and child to die in poverty, their grocer’s and doctor’s bills to go unpaid, the public to bury them in the potter’s field, while he revels in luxury and enjoys social distinction, and no restitution is required in his case, as a condition of divine favor, membership in the church, or a triumphant entrance into endless bliss.
Blinded by the double standard.—She could not meet the minister’s condition. He was conscientious and could not make what to him would have been a compromise with sin. Not fully appreciating that moral law is higher than civil law; that what is sometimes civilly wrong is morally right; that centuries of submission to the double standard of morals has so biased the public mind that even the best of society are incapable of always giving the wronged girl a square deal; she at last postponed her decision for the Christ. The meeting closed, later the school closed and then she left the city and her whereabouts became unknown to the minister.
Was she scarlet or was she white.—You will observe that this girl is not to be classed in character with the girls who purposely give themselves to a life of shame. This girl never meant to be bad. She over-loved and over-trusted the man to whom she was engaged. She had no father or brother to advise and protect her. She was not informed as to the seductive wiles of the libertine. Hers was a profound mistake.
Suppose that her chum across the street had made the same mistake and her lover had kept his promise of marriage, would her chum’s sin have been less than hers? Certainly not. Of the two women and their children, the first deserves more sympathy, mercy and love.
She and her child had a moral right to his name.—When the world’s purity movement shall have relegated the double standard of morals back to the dark ages of savagery where it originated, and shall have established in the hearts of men the Christ standard, the “single standard,” a “white life for two,” then civil law will be made to harmonize with the moral law and the wronged girl and her child will be given the legal right to the name of the man who ought to be to them a husband and father, with all the legal rights of support and a division of his property at his death.
Her deceiver was under absolute moral obligation to give them his legal name. Then she and her child had an absolute moral right to wear his name.
Is it ever right for a wronged woman to choose the title Mrs.?—If to avoid the scorn, sneers and jeers of an unChrist-like social condition, and as an aid in securing honorable employment while she supports her child and struggles to live a pure life, who would dare blame a wronged girl, if she would choose to call herself “Mrs.,” and let widowhood be inferred? If a wronged girl becomes a mother, if she is turned away from her home, if she desires to be a true mother to her own child, she will find it impossible to find honorable employment as a single girl with a baby and to avoid immoral solicitations from vicious men, unless she assumes the title of “Mrs.”
When she will find it necessary to tell her child.—When her child is old enough to understand and appreciate her misfortune, she will find it necessary to make an explanation to her child. This will be a very difficult thing to do. But if she has been a true mother, she will not lose the confidence and love of her child.
Tell her story to her lover.—If an opportunity of marriage comes, she should tell her story to her lover. If he is noble, and his love for her is genuine, and her character is all he believes it to be, he will likely forgive and marry her. If her mistake is publicly known, or she is a mother, her lover will very likely find it out, and it will be easier to forgive before marriage than after.
When not necessary to confess the wrong.—If her sin has not been made public and she has not been a mother, I would not advise that she make confession to her lover. Men who have been even more guilty do not confess their sins. She will, all her life, shed many bitter tears and suffer many heart agonies because of her mistake. These sad experiences may make her all the more patient, kind and loving.
I have told you these sad, sad tragedies that come to many girls who over-love and over-trust, that you may more perfectly sympathize with and help the erring ones and be safeguarded against the wiles of men.
Sublime miracle of motherhood.—My talks to you would not be complete without a study of the sublime miracle of motherhood, the creation of a new life. It is no wonder that motherhood, in all ages and by the great of all nations, has been treated with due respect and reverence.
Ovulation.—In this talk we shall begin with the beginning of life and trace life’s development up to birth. The formation of an egg, or ovum, by one of the ovaries once every twenty-eight days is called ovulation. When the ovum matures it breaks through the membrane of the ovary and the little muscular fingers of the oviduct, on that side, take up the ovum and convey it to the womb. This usually takes place during menstruation and the egg enters the womb near the cessation of the flow. Sometimes the egg may reach the womb before menstruation begins. It is possible for an egg to form at any time between periods of menstruation, but this is of unusual occurrence.
Impregnation.—If, in either of these events, the husband and wife, being both of matured age, vigorous,