The Works of William Shakespeare [Cambridge Edition] [Vol. 4 of 9]

Fal. Peace, good Doll! do not speak like a death's-head;[3752]
do not bid me remember mine end.

Dol. Sirrah, what humour's the prince of?[3753]220

Fal. A good shallow young fellow: a' would have [3754]
made a good pantler, a' would ha' chipped bread well.[3754][3755]

Dol. They say Poins has a good wit.[3756]

Fal. He a good wit? hang him, baboon! his wit's as[3753]
thick as Tewksbury mustard; there's no more conceit in[3753]225
him than is in a mallet.

Dol. Why does the prince love him so, then?[3757]

Fal. Because their legs are both of a bigness; and a'
plays at quoits well; and eats conger and fennel; and
drinks off candles' ends for flap-dragons; and rides the230
wild-mare with the boys; and jumps upon joined-stools;
and swears with a good grace; and wears his boots very [3758]
smooth, like unto the sign of the leg; and breeds no bate
with telling of discreet stories; and such other gambol [3759]
faculties a' has, that show a weak mind and an able body,[3760]235
for the which the prince admits him: for the prince himself
is such another; the weight of a hair will turn the scales [3761]
between their avoirdupois.[3762]

Prince. Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears
cut off?240

Poins. Let's beat him before his whore.[3763]

Prince. Look, whether the withered elder hath not [3764]
his poll clawed like a parrot.

Poins. Is it not strange that desire should so many
years outlive performance?245

Fal. Kiss me, Doll.

Prince. Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction!
what says the almanac to that?

Poins. And, look, whether the fiery Trigon, his man,[3765]
be not lisping to his master's old tables, his note-book,[3766]250
his counsel-keeper.

Fal. Thou dost give me flattering busses.

Dol. By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.[3767]

Fal. I am old, I am old.

Dol. I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young255
boy of them all.

Fal. What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive [3768]
money o' Thursday: shalt have a cap to-morrow. A [3769]
merry song, come: it grows late; we'll to bed. Thou'lt [3770][3771]
forget me when I am gone.260

Dol. By my troth, thou'lt set me a-weeping, an thou[3771][3772]
sayest so: prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy
return: well, hearken at the end.[3773]

Fal. Some sack, Francis.

Prince. } Anon, anon, sir. [Coming forward.[3774]265
Poins. }

Fal. Ha! a bastard son of the king's? And art not
thou Poins his brother?[3775]

Prince. Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what
a life dost thou lead!

Fal. A better than thou: I am a gentleman; thou270
art a drawer.

Prince. Very true, sir; and I come to draw you out
by the ears.

Host. O, the Lord preserve thy good grace! by my [3776][3777]
troth, welcome to London. Now, the Lord bless that[3777][3778]275
sweet face of thine! O Jesu, are you come from Wales?[3779]

Fal. Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, by [3780]
this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.[3781]

Dol. How, you fat fool! I scorn you.

Poins. My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge280
and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat.

Prince. You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely
did you speak of me even now before this honest, virtuous,[3782]
civil gentlewoman!

Host. God's blessing of your good heart! and so she [3783]285
is, by my troth.[3784]

Fal. Didst thou hear me?

Prince. Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you [3785]
ran away by Gad's-hill: you knew I was at your back, and
spoke it on purpose to try my patience.290

Fal. No, no, no; not so; I did not think thou wast
within hearing.

Prince. I shall drive you then to confess the wilful
abuse; and then I know how to handle you.

Fal. No abuse, Hal, o' mine honour; no abuse.[3786]295

Prince. Not to dispraise me, and call me pantler and [3787]
bread-chipper and I know not what?[3788]

Fal. No abuse, Hal.

Poins. No abuse?

Fal. No abuse, Ned, i' the world; honest Ned, none.300
I dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked might
not fall in love with him; in which doing, I have done the [3789]
part of a careful friend and a true subject, and thy father is [3790]
to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal: none, Ned, none:
no, faith, boys, none.[3791]305

Prince. See now, whether pure fear and entire cowardice
doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close [3792]
with us? is she of the wicked? is thine hostess here of the
wicked? or is thy boy of the wicked? or honest Bardolph,[3793]
whose zeal burns in his nose, of the wicked?310

Poins. Answer, thou dead elm, answer.

Fal. The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable;
and his face is Lucifer's privy-kitchen, where he doth
nothing but roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a
good angel about him; but the devil outbids him too.[3794]315

Prince. For the women?

Fal. For one of them, she is in hell already, and burns [3795][3796]
poor souls. For the other, I owe her money; and whether[3796]
she be damned for that, I know not.

Host. No, I warrant you.320

Fal. No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit
for that. Marry, there is another indictment upon thee, for
suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the
law; for the which I think thou wilt howl.

Host. All victuallers do so: what's a joint of mutton [3797]325
or two in a whole Lent?

Prince. You, gentlewoman,—

Dol. What says your grace?

Fal. His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.