Serv. My Lord?

Luc. Secretary, fetch the Gown I use to read Petitions in, and the Standish I answer French Letters with: and call in the Gentleman that attends: [Exit Serv.

Sir, but that I do presume upon your secresie, I would not have appear'd to you thus ignorantly attir'd without a tooth-pick in a ribbond, or a Ring in my bandstring[s].

Gent. Your Lordship sen[t] for me?

Luc. I did: Sir, your long practice in the State, under a great man, hath led you to much experience.

Gent. My Lord.

Luc. Suffer not your modesty to excuse it: in short, and in private, I desire your direction, I take my study already to be furnisht after a grave and wise method.

Gent. What will this Lord do?

Luc. My Book-strings are sutable, and of a reaching colour.

Gent. How's this?

Luc. My Standish of Wood, strange and sweet, and my fore-flap hangs in the right place, and as near Machiavel's, as can be gathered by tradition.

Gent. Are there such men as will say nothing abroad, and play the fools in their Lodgings? this Lord must be followed: and hath your Lordship some new made words to scatter in your speeches in publick, to gain note, that the hearers may carry them away, and dispute of them at dinner?

Luc. I have Sir: and besides, my several Gowns and Caps agreeable to my several occasions.

Gent. 'Tis well, and you have learn'd to write a bad hand, that the Readers may take pains for it.

Luc. Yes Sir, and I give out I have the palsie.

Gent. Good, 'twere better though, if you had it: your Lordship hath a Secretary, that can write fair, when you purpose to be understood.

Luc. 'Faith Sir I have one, there he stands, he hath been my Secretary these seven years, but he hath forgotten to write.

Gen. If he can make a writing face, it is not amiss, so he keep his own counsel: your Lordship hath no hope of the Gout?

Luc. Uh, little Sir, since the pain in my right foot left me.

Gent. 'Twill be some scandal to your wisdom, though I see your Lordship knows enough in publick business.

Luc. I am not imploy'd (though to my desert) in occasions forreign, nor frequented for matters domestical.

Gent. Not frequented? what course takes your Lordship?

Luc. The readiest way, my door stands wi[de], my Secretary knows I am not denied to any.

Gent. In this (give me leave) your Lordship is out of the way: make a back door to let out Intelligencers; seem to be ever busie, and put your door under keepers, and you shall have a troop of Clients sweating to come at you.

Luc. I have a back door already, I will henceforth be busie, Secretary, run and keep the door. [Exit Secretary.

Gent. This will fetch 'um?

Luc. I hope so.

Secr. My Lord, there are some require access to you, about weighty affairs of State.

Luc. Already?

Gent. I told you so.

Luc. How weighty is the business?

Secr. Treason my Lord.

Luc. Sir, my debts to you for this are great.

Gent. I will leave your Lordship now.

Luc. Sir, my death must be suddain, if I requite you not: at the back door good Sir.

Gent. I will be your Lordships Intelligencer for once. [Exit Gentleman.

Secr. My Lord.

Luc. Let 'em in, and say I am at my study.

1 Int. Where is your Lord?

Secr. At his study, but he will have you brought in.

Laza. Why Gentlemen, what will you charge me withal?

2 Int. Treason, horrible treason, I hope to have the leading of thee to prison, and prick thee on i'th' arse with a Halbert: to have him hang'd that salutes thee, and call all those in question that spit not upon thee.

Laz. My thred is spun, yet might I but call for this dish of meat at the gallows, instead of a Psalm, it were to be endur'd: the Curtain opens, now my end draws on.

Luc. Gentlemen, I am not empty of weighty occasions at this time; I pray you your business.

1 Int. My Lord, I think we have discover'd one of the most bloudy Traitors, that ever the world held.

Luc. Signior Lazarillo, I am glad ye are one of this discovery, give me your hand.

2 Int. My Lord, that is the Traitor.

Luc. Keep him off, I would not for my whole estate have touchd him.

Laz. My Lord.

Luc. Peace Sir, I know the devil is at your tongue's end, to furnish you with speeches: what are the particulars you charge him with?

Both Int. We [have] conferr'd our Notes, and have extracted that, which we will justifie upon our oaths.

Luc. That he would be greater than the Duke, that he had cast plots for this, and meant to corrupt some to betray him, that he would burn the City, kill the Duke, and poison the Privy Council; and lastly kill himself. Though thou deserv'st justly to be hang'd with silence, yet I allow thee to speak, be short.

Luc. Peace, such hath ever been the clemency of my gracious Master the Duke, in all his proceedings, that I had thought, and thought I had thought rightly; that malice would long e'r this have hid her self in her Den, a[n]d have turn'd her own sting against her own heart: but I well [now] perceive, that so froward is the disposition of a deprav'd nature, that it doth not only seek revenge, where it hath receiv'd injury, but many times thirst after their destruction, where it hath met with benefits.

Laz. But my good Lord—

2 Int. Let's gagg him.

Luc. Peace again, but many times thirst after destruction, where it hath met with benefits; there I left: Such, and no better are the business that we have now in hand.

1 Int. He's excellently spoken.

[2] Int. He'll wind a Traitor I warrant him.

Luc. But surely methinks, setting aside the touch of conscience, and all [other] inward convulsions.

2 Int. He'll be hang'd, I know by that word.

Laz. Your Lordship may consider—

Luc. Hold thy peace: thou canst not answer this speech: no Traitor can answer it: but because you cannot answer this speech, I take it you have confess'd the Treason.

1 Int. The Count Valore was the first that discover'd him, and can witness it; but he left the matter to your Lordship's grave consideration.

Luc. I thank his Lordship, carry him away speedily to the Duke.

Luc. Away with him, I'll follow you, look you pinion him, and take his money from him, lest he swallow a shilling, and kill himself.

2 Int. Get thou on before. [Exeunt.

Gond. Count, I dare yet pronounce again, thy Sister is not honest.

Count. You are your self my Lord, I like your setledness.

Gond. Count, thou art young, and unexperienc'd in the dark, hidden ways of Women: Thou dar'st affirm with confidence, a Lady of fifteen may be a Maid.

Count. Sir, if it were not so, I have a Sister would set near my heart.

Gond. Let her sit near her shame, it better fits her: call back the bloud that made our stream in nearness, and turn the Current to a better use; 'tis too much mudded, I do grieve to know it.

Duke. Dar'st thou make up again, dar'st thou turn face, knowing we know thee, hast thou not been discover'd openly? did not our ears hear her deny thy courtings? did we not see her blush with modest anger, to be so overtaken by a trick; can ye deny this Lord?

Duke. Sir, Sir, these are but words and tricks, give me the proof.

Gond. I have confest it Sir.

Duke. I dare not give thee credit without witness.

Gond. Does your grace think we carry seconds with us, to search us, and see fair play: your Grace hath been ill tutor'd in the business; but if you hope to try her truly, and satisfy your self what frailty is, give her the Test: do not remember Count she is your Sister; nor let my Lord the Duke believe she is fair; but put her to it without hope or pity, then ye shall see that golde[n] form flie off, that all eyes wonder at for pure and fixt, and under't base blushing Copper; metall not worth the meanest honor: you shall behold her then my Lord transparent, look through her heart, and view the spirits how they leap, and tell me then I did belie the Lady.

2 Int. So please your Grace we have discover'd a villain and a Traitor: the Lord Lucio hath examin'd him, and sent him to your Grace for Judgement.

Count. My Lord, I dare absolve him from all sin of Treason: I know his most ambition is but a dish of meat; which he hath hunted with so true a scent, that he deserveth the Collar not the Halter.

Duke. Why do they bring him thus bound up? the poor man had more need [of] some warm meat, to comfort his cold stomach.

Count. Your Grace shall have the cause hereafter, when you [may] laugh more freely:

Duke. Would there were no heavier prodigies hung over us, than this poor fellow, I durst redeem all perils ready to pour themselves upon this State, with a cold Custard.

Count. Your Grace might do it without danger to your person.

Laz. My Lord, if ever I intended treason against your Person, or the State, unless it were by wishing from your Table some dish of meat, which I must needs confess, was not a subjects part: or coveting by stealth, sups from those noble bottles, that no mouth, keeping allegiance true, should dare to taste: I must confess, with more than covetous eye, I have beheld those dear conceal'd dishes, that have been brought in by cunning equipage, to wait upon your Graces pallat: I do confesse, out of this present heat, I have had Stratagems and Ambuscado's; but God be thank'd they have never took.

Duke. Count, this business is your own; when you have done, repair to us. [Exit Duke.

Count. I will attend your Grace: Lazarello, you are at liberty, be your own man again; and if you can be master of your wishes, I wish it may be so.

Laz. I humbly thank your Lordship: I must be unmannerly, I have some present business, once more I heartily thank your Lordship. [Exit Lazarillo.

Count. Now even a word or two to you, and so farewell; you think you have deserv'd much of this State by this discovery: y'are a slavish people, grown subject to the common course of all men. How much unhappy were that noble spirit, could work by such baser gains? what misery would not a knowing man put on with willingness, e'r he see himself grown fat and full fed, by fall of those you rise by? I do discharge ye my attendance; our healthful State needs no such Leeches to suck out her bloud.

1 Int. I do beseech your Lordship.

2 Int. Good my Lord.

Count. Go learn to be more honest, [when] I see you work your means from honest industry, [Exeunt Informers.

I must dispatch him too. Now Lord Lucio, what business [bring] you hither?

Luc. Faith Sir, I am discovering what will become of that notable piece of treason, intended by that Varlet Lazarillo; I have sent him to the Duke for judgement.

Count. Sir, you have perform'd the part of a most careful Statesman, and let me say it to your face, Sir, of a Father to this State: I would wish you to retire, and insconce your self in study: for such is your daily labour, and our fear, that our loss of an hour may breed our overthrow.

Luc. Sir, I will be commanded by your judgement, and though I find it a trouble scant to be waded through, by these weak years: yet for the dear care of the Commonwealth, I will bruise my brains, and confine my self to much vexation.

Count. Go, and maist thou knock down Treason like an Ox.

Luc. Amen.

Mer. Have I spoke thus much in the honor of Learning? learn'd the names of the seven liberal Sciences, before my marriage; and since, have in haste written Epistles congratulatory, to the Nine Muses, and is she prov'd a Whore and a Begger?

Pan. 'Tis true, you are not now to be taught, that no man can be learn'd of a suddain; let not your first project discourage you, what you have lost in this, you may get again in Alchumie.

Fran. Fear not Husband, I hope to make as good a wife, as the best of your neighbors have, and as honest.

Mer. I will goe home; good Sir, do not publish this, as long as it runs amongst our selves; 'tis good honest mirth: you'll come home to supper; I mean to have all her friends, and mine, as ill as it goes.

Pan. Do wisely Sir, and bid your own friends, your whole wealth will scarce feast all hers, neither is it for your credit, to walk the streets with a woman so noted; get you home and provide her cloaths: let her come an hour hence with an Hand-basket, and shift her self, she'll serve to sit at the upper end of the Table, and drink to your customers.

Mer. Art is just, and will make me amends.

Pan. No doubt Sir.

Mer. The chief note of a Scholar you say, is to govern his passions; wherefore I do take all patiently; in sign of which, my [most] dear Wife, I do kiss thee, make haste home after me, I shall be in my study.

Pan. Go, avaunt, my new City Dame, send me what you promis'd me for consideration; and may'st thou prove a Lady.

Fran. Thou shalt have it, his Silks shall flie for it. [Exeunt.

Laz. How sweet is a Calm after a Tempest, what is there now that can stand betwixt me and felicity? I have gone through all my crosses constantly; have confounded my enemies, and know where to have my longing[s] satisfied: I have my way before me, there's the door, and I may freely walk into my delights: knock boy.

Jul. Who's there? [Within.

Laz. Madona, my Love, not guilty, not guilty, open the door.

Jul. Art thou come sweet-heart?

Laz. Yes, to [thy] soft embraces, and the rest of my over-flowing blisses; come, let us in and swim in our delights: a short Grace as we go, and so to meat.

Jul. Nay my dear Love, you must bear with me in this; we'll to the Church first.

Laz. Shall I be sure of it then?

Jul. By my love you shall.

Laz. I am content, for I do now wish to hold off longer, to whet my appetite, and do desire to meet with more troubles, so I might conquer them:

Jul. Come Mouse will you walk?

Laz. I pray thee let me be deliver'd of the joy I am so big with, I do feel that high heat within me, that I begin to doubt whether I be mortal:

Boy. When that is done, you'll begin to repent upon a full stomach; but I see, 'tis but a form in destiny, not to be alter'd. [Exeunt.

Oria. Sir, what may be the current of your business, that thus you single out your time and place?

Arri. Madam, the business now impos'd upon me, concerns you nearly, I wish some worser man might finish it.

Ori. Why are ye chang'd so? are ye not well Sir?

Arr. Yes Madam, I am well, wo'd you were so.

Oria. Why Sir, I feel my self in perfect health.

Arri. And yet ye cannot live long, Madam.

Oria. Why good Arrigo?

Arr. Why? ye must dye.

Oria. I know I must, but yet my fate calls not upon me.

Arr. It does; this hand the Duke commands shall give you death.

Oria. Heaven, and the powers Divine, guard well the innocent.

More Virgin than I have; Tell him Lord Gondarino's Plot, I suffer for, and willingly: tell him it had been a greater honor, to have sav'd than kill'd: but I have done: strike, I am arm'd for heaven. Why, stay you? is there any hope?

Arri. I would not strike.

Orian. Have you the power to save?

Arri. With hazard of my life, if it should be known.

Orian. You will not venture that?

Arri. I will Lady: there is that means yet to escape your death, if you can wisely apprehend [it].

Orian. Ye dare not be so kind?

Arri. I dare, and will, if you dare but deserve't.

Ori. If I should slight my life, I were [to] blame.

Arri. Then Madam, this is the means, or else you die: I love you.

Orian. I shall believe it, if you save my life.

Arri. And you must lie with me.

Orian. I dare not buy my life so.

Arri. Come, ye must resolve, say yea or no.

Orian. Then no; nay, look not ruggedly upon me, I am made up too strong to fear such looks: Come, do your Butchers part: before I would wish life, with the dear loss of honour, I dare find means to free my self.

Arr. Speak, will ye yield?

Orian. Villain, I will not; Murtherer, do thy worst, thy base unnoble thoughts dare prompt thee to; I am above thee slave.

Arri. Wilt thou not be drawn to yield by fair perswasions?

Orian. No, nor by—

Arri. Peace, know your doom then; your Ladyship must remember, you are not now at home, where you dare [jeast at] all that come about you: but you are fallen under my mercy, which shall be but small; if thou refuse to yield: hear what I have sworn unto my self; I will enjoy thee, though it be between the parting of thy soul and body; yield yet and live.

Orian. I'll guard the one, let Heaven guard the other.

Arri. Are you so resolute then?

[Duke from above. Hold, hold I say.]

Orian. What [have] I? yet more terror to my tragedy?

Arri. Lady, the Scene of bloud is done; ye are now as free from scandal, as from death.

Gond. I do begin a little to love this woman; I could endure her already twelve miles off.

Count. Sister, I am glad you have brought your honor off so fairly, without loss: you have done a work above your sex, the Duke admires it: give him fair encounter.

Duke. Best of all comforts, may I take this hand, and call it mine?

Ori. I am your Graces handmaid.

Duke. Would ye had sed my self: might it not be so Lady?

Count. Sister, say I, I know you can afford it.

Ori. My Lord, I am your subject, you may command me, provided still, your thoughts be fair and good.

Ori. My Lord, I am no more mine own.

Count. So, this bargain was well driven.

Gond. Duke, thou hast sold away thy self to all perdition; thou art this present hour becomming Cuckold: methinks I see thy gaul grate through thy veins, and jealousie seize thee with her talons: I know that womans nose must be cut off, she cannot scape it.

Duke. Sir, we have punishment for you.

Orian. I do beseech your Lordship, for the wrongs this man hath done me, let me pronounce his punishment.

Duke. Lady, I give't to you, he is your own.

Gond. I do beseech your Grace, let me be banisht with all the speed that may be.

Count. Stay still, you shall attend her sentence.

Orian. Lord Gondarino, you have wrong'd me highly; yet since it sprung from no peculiar hate to me, but from a general dislike unto all women, you shall thus suffer for it; Arrigo, call in some Ladies to assist us; will your Grace [t]ake your State?

Gond. My Lord, I do beseech your Grace for any punishment saving this woman, let me be sent upon discovery of some Island; I do desire but a small Gondela, with ten Holland Cheeses, and I'll undertake it.

Oria. Sir, ye must be content, will ye sit down? nay, do it willingly: Arrigo, tie his Arms close to the chair, I dare not trust his patience.

[G]ond. Mayst thou be quickly old and painted; mayst thou dote upon some sturdy Yeoman of the Wood-yard, and he be honest; mayst thou be barr'd the lawful lechery of thy Coach, for want of instruments; and last, be thy womb unopen'd.

Duke. This fellow hath a pretty gaul.

Count. My Lord, I hope to see him purg'd e'r he part.

Oria. Your Ladyships are welcome: I must desire your helps, though you are no Physitians, to do a strange cure upon this Gentleman.

Ladies. In what we can assist you Madam, ye may command us.

Gond. Now do I sit like a Conjurer within my circle, and these the Devils that are rais'd about me, I will pray that they may have no power upon me.

Oria. Ladies, fall off in couples, then with a [s]oft still march, with low demeanors, charge this Gentleman, I'll be your Leader.

Gond. Let me be quarter'd Duke quickly, I can endure it: these women long for Mans flesh, let them have it.

Duke. Count, have you ever seen so strange a passion? what would this fellow do, if he should find himself in bed with a young Lady?

Count. 'Faith my Lord, if he could get a knife, sure he wou'd cut her throat, or else he wou'd do as Hercules did by Lycas, swing out her soul: h'as the true hate of a woman in him.

Oria. Low with your Cursies Ladies.

Gond. Come not too near me, I have a breath will poison ye, my lungs are rotten, and my stomach is raw: I am given much to belching: hold off, as you love sweet airs; Ladies, by your first nights pleasure, I conjure you, as you wou'd have your Husbands proper men, strong backs, and little legs, as you would have 'em hate your Waiting-women.

Oria. Sir, we must court ye, till we have obtain'd some little favour from those gracious eyes, 'tis but a kiss a piece.

Gond. I pronounce perdition to ye all; ye are a parcel of that damned crew that fell down with Lucifer, and here ye staid on earth to plague poor men; vanish, avaunt, I am fortified against your charms; heaven grant me breath and patience.

1 Lady. Shall we not kiss then?

Gond. No sear my lips with hot irons first, or stitch them up like a Ferrets: oh that this brunt were over!

2 Lady. Come, come, little rogue, thou art too maidenly by my troth, I think I must box thee till thou be'st bolder; the more bold, the more welcome: I prethee kiss me, be not afraid. [She sits on his knee.

Gond. If there be any here, that yet have so much of the fool left in them, as to love their mothers, let them [looke] on her, and loath them too.

2 Lady. What a slovenly little villain art thou, why dost thou not stroke up thy hair? I think thou ne'er comb'st it: I must have it lie in better order; so, so, so, let me see thy hands, are they wash'd?

Gond. I would th[e]y were loose for thy sake.

Duke. She tortures him admirably.

Count. The best that ever was.

2 Lady. Alas, how cold they are, poor golls, why dost thee not get thee a Muff?

Arri. Madam, here's an old Countrey Gentlewoman at the door, that came nodding up for justice, she was with the Lord Gondarino to day, and would now again come to the speech of him, she says.

Oria. Let her in, for sports sake, let her in.

Gond. Mercy, oh Duke, I do appeal to thee: plant Canons there, and discharge them against my breast rather: nay, first let this she-fury sit still where she does, and with her nimble fingers stroke my hair, play with my fingers ends, or any thing, until my panting heart have broke my breast.

Duke. You must abide her censure. [The Lady rises from his knee.

Gond. I see her come, unbutton me, for she will speak.

Gentlew. Where is he Sir?

Gond. Save me, I hear her.

Ar. There he is in state to give you audience.

Gentlew. How does your [good] Lordship?

Gond. Sick of the spleen.

Gentlew. How?

Gond. Sick.

Gentlew. Will you chew a Nutmeg, you shall not refuse it, it is very comfortable.

Duke. No Sir, you must endure.

Gentlew. For my petition, I hope your Lordship hath remembred me.

Oria. 'Faith I begin to pity him, Arrigo, take her off, bear her away, say her petition is granted.

Gentlew. Wh[i]ther do you draw me Sir? I know it is not my Lords pleasure I should be thus used, before my business be dispatched?

Arr. You shall know more of that without.

Oria. Unbind him Ladies, but before he go, this he shall promise; for the love I bear to our own sex, I would have them still hated by thee, and injoyn thee as a punishment, never hereafter willingly to come in the presence, or sight of any woman, nor never to seek wrongfully the publick disgrace of any.

Gond. 'Tis that I would have sworn, and do: when I [meddle] with them, for their good, or their bad; may Time [call] back this day again, and when I come in their companies, may I catch the pox, by their breath, and have no other pleasure for it.

Duke. Ye are [too] merciful.

Oria. My Lord, I shew'd my sex the better.

Gond. All is over-blown Sister: y'are like to have a fair night of it, and a Prince in your Arms: let's goe my Lord.

Duke. Thus through the doubtful streams of joy and grief, True Love doth wade, and finds at last relief. [Exeunt omnes.