Enter Longaville and Dubois.
Enter Laverdine and La-poope.
La-p. Slander is sharper than the sword. I have fed this three dayes upon leaf Tobacco, for want of other Victuals.
Lav. You have liv'd the honester Captain; but be not so dejected, but hold up thy head, and meat will sooner fall i'thy mouth.
La-p. I care not so much for meat, so I had but good liquor, for which my guts croak like so many Frogs for rain.
Lav. It seems, you are troubled with the wind-Collick, Captain, swallow a bullet: 'tis present remedy I'll assure you.
La-p. A bullet? I'll tell you Sir, my panch is nothing but a pile of bullets; when I was in any service I stood between my Generall and the shot, like a mud-wall; I am all lead, from the crown of the head to the soal of the foot, not a sound bone about me.
La[v]. It seems you have bin in terrible hot service Captain.
La-p. It has ever bin the fate of the low Country wars to spoil many a man, I ha' not bin the first nor shall not be the last: but I'll tell you Sir, (hunger has brought it in to mind) I served once at the Siege of Braste, 'tis memorable to this day, where we were in great distress for victuals, whole troops fainted more for want of food then for blood, and died, yet we were resolved to stand it out; I my self was but then Gentleman of a Company, and had as much need as any man, and indeed I had perished had not a miraculous providence preserved me.
Lav. As how good Captain?
La-p. Marry Sir, e'en as I was fainting and falling down for want of sustenance, the enemy made a shot at me, and struck me full ith' paunch with a penny loaf.
Lav. Instead of a bullet!
La-p. In stead of a bullet.
Lav. That was miraculous indeed; and that loaf sustained you.
La-p. Nourished me or I had famished with the rest.
Lav. You have done worthy acts being a soldier, and now you shall give me leave to requite your tale, and to acquaint you with the most notorious deeds that I have done being a Courtier. I protest Captain I will lie no more than you have done.
La-p. I can indure no lies.
Lav. I know you cannot Captain, therefore I'll only tell you of strange things: I did once a deed of charity for it self; I assisted a poor widow in a sute, and obtained it, yet I protest I took not a penny for my labor.
La-p. 'Tis no such strange thing.
Lav. By Mars Captain, but it is, and a very strange thing too in a Courtier, it may take the upper hand of your penny loaf for a miracle. I could ha' told you how many Ladyes have languished for my love, and how I was once sollicited by the mother, the daughter, and grand-mother; out of the least of which I might have digg'd my self a fortune; they were all great Ladyes, for two of them were so big I could hardly embrace them: but I was sluggish in my rising courses, and therefore let them pass; what means I had is spent upon such as had the wit to cheat me; That wealth being gone, I have only bought experience with it, with a strong hope to cheat others; but see here comes the much declined Montague, who had all the Manor houses, which were the body of his estate, overthrowen by a great wind.
Enter Montague, Mallicorne.
La-p. How by a great wind? was he not overthrown by law?
Lav. Yes, marry was he: but there was terrible puffing and blowing before he was overthrown, if you observ'd, and believe it Captain, there's no wind so dangerous to a building as a lawyers breath.
La-p. What's he with him?
Lav. An eminent Citizen, Mounsier Mallicorne, let's stand a side and listen their design.
Mal. Sir, profit is the Crown of labor, it is the life, the soul of the industrious Merchant, in it he makes his paradise, and for it neglects Wife, Children, Friends, Parents, nay all the world, and delivers up himself to the violence of storms, and to be tos'd into unknown ayrs; as there is no faculty so perillous, so there's none so worthy profitable.
Mont. Sir, I am very well possest of it, and what of my poore fortunes remaines, I would gladly hazard upon the Sea: it cannot deal worse with me than the Land, though it sink or throw it in the hands of Pirats. I have yet five hundred pounds left, and your honest and worthy acquaintance may make me a young Merchant; th'one moity of what I have I would gladly adventure.
Mal. How adventure? you shall hazard nothing: you shall only joyn with me in certain commodities that are safe arrived unto the Key; you shall neither be in doubt of danger nor dammage; But so much money disburst, so much receive; Sir, I would have you conceive I pursue it not for any good your money will do me, but meerly out of mine own freeness and courtesie to pleasure you.
Mont. I can believe no less, and you express a noble nature, seeking to build up a man so ruin'd as my self.
Lav. Captain here is subject for us to work upon if we have wit; you hear that there is money yet left, and it is going to be layd out in Rattels, Bels, Hobby-Horses, brown paper, or some such like sale commodities; now it would do better in our purses, upon our backs in good Gold-lace, and Scarlat, and then we might pursue our projects, and our devices towards my Lady Annabella; go to, there's a conceit newly landed, heark I stand in good reputation with him, and therefore may the better cheat him: Captain, take a few instructions from me.
Mont. What monies I have is at your disposing, and upon twelve I will meet you at the Pallace with it.
Mal. I will there expect you, and so I take my leave. [Exit.
Lav. You apprehend me?
La-p. Why do ye think I am a dunce?
Lav. Not a dunce Captain, but you might give me leave to misdoubt that pregnancy in a Soldier, which is proper and hereditary to a Courtier; but prosecute it, I will both second, and give credit to it. Good Mounsier Montague, I would your whole revenues lay within the circuit of mine armes, that I might as easily bestow, or restore it unto you as my curtesie.
La-p. My zealous wishes Sir, do accompany his for your good fortunes.
Lav. Believe it Sir, our affection towards you is a strong band of friendship.
Mont. To which I shall most willingly seal. But believe me Gentlemen in a broken estate, the bond of friendship oft is forfeited, but that it is your free and ingenuous nature to renew it.
Lav. Sir, I will amply extend my self to your use, and am very zealously afflicted as not one of your least friends for your crooked fate; But let it not seise you with any dejection, you have as I hear a sufficient competency left, which well disposed may erect you as high in the worlds account as ever.
Mont. I cannot live to hope it, much less injoy it, nor is it any part of my endeavor; my study is to render every man his own, and to contain my self within the limits of a Gentleman.
Lav. I have the grant of an Office given me by some noble favorites of mine in Court, there stands but a small matter between me and it, if your ability be such to lay down the present summ, out of the love I bear you, before any other man, it shall be confirmed yours.
Mont. I have heard you often speak of such a thing; If it be assur'd to you I will gladly deal in it: that portion I have, I would not hazard upon one course, for I see the most certain is incertain.
La-p. Having money Sir, you could not light upon men that could give better direction; there is at this time a friend of mine upon the Seas; to be plain with you, he is a pyrate, that hath wrote to me to work his fredom, and by this Gentlemans means, whose acquaintance is not small at Court; we have the word of a worthy man for it, only there is some money to be suddainly disburst, and if your happiness be such to make it up you shall receive treble gain by it, and good assurance for it.
Mont. Gentlemen, out of the weakness of my estate you seem (to have some knowledge of my brest) that wou'd if it were possible advance my declined fortunes, to satisfie all men of whom I have had credit, and I know no way better than these which you propose; I have some money ready under my command, some part of it is already promis'd, but the remainder is yours to such uses as are propounded.
Lav. Appoint some certain place of meeting, for these affaires require expedition.
Mount. I will make it my present business: at twelve, I am to meet Mallicorne, the Marchant at the Pallace, you know him Sir, about some negotiation of the same nature, there I will be ready to tender you that money, upon such conditions as we shall conclude of.
Lav. The care of it be yours, so much as the affair concerns you.
Mont. Your caution is effectuall, and till then I take my leave.
Lav. Good Mr Montague. [Exit.
W[i]thin a clamor, down with their weapons.
Enter Longavile, and Dubois, their swords drawn, servants and others between them.
Ser. Nay Gentlemen what mean you? pray be quiet, have some respect unto the house.
Long. A treacherous slave.
Du. Thou dost revile thy self base Longavile.
Long. I say thou art a villain, and a corrupt one, that hast some seven years fed on thy masters trencher, yet never bredst good blood towards him: for if thou hadst, thou'dst have a sounder heart.
Du. So Sir, you can use your tongue something nimbler than your sword.
Long. Wou'd you cou'd use your tongue well of your Master, friend you might have better imployment for your sword.
Du. I say again, and I will speak it loud and often, that Orleans is a noble Gentleman with whom Amiens is too light to poyse the scale.
Long. He is the weaker for taking of a prayse out of thy mouth.
Du. This hand shall seal his merit at thy heart.
Lav. Part them my masters, part them.
Ser. Part them Sir, why do you not part them, you stand by with your sword in your hand, and cry part 'em.
Lav. Why you must know my friend my cloaths are better than yours, and in a good suit, I do never use to part any body.
La-p. And it is discretion.
Lav. I marry is it Captain.
Long. Dubois though this place priviledge thee, know where next we meet, the blood which at thy heart flows drops at thy feet.
Enter Amience in haste, his sword drawn.
Du. I would not spend it better than in this quarrell, and on such a hazard.
Ami. What uprore's this, must my name here be question'd in Tavern brawls, and by affected Ruffins?
Lav. Not we indeed Sir.
Du. Fear cannot make me shrink out of your fury, though you were greater than your name doth make you, I am one, and the opposer; if your swoln rage have ought in malice to inforce express it.
Lav. That way Sir, I wou'd you wou'd after; for I do fear we shall have some more scuffling.
Ami. [I]'ll follow him, and if my speed o'er take him, I shall ill thank him, for his forwardness. [Exit.
Lav. I am glad he's gone, for I doe not love to see a sword drawn in the hand of a man that lookes so furious, there's no jesting with edge tooles, how say you Captain?
Cap. I say 'tis better jesting than to be in earnest with them.
Enter Orleance.
Orl. How now? what's the difference? they say there have bin swords drawn, and in my quarrell: let me know that man, whose love is so sincere to spend his blood for my sake, I will bounteously requite him.
Lav. We were all of your side, but there he stands begun it.
Orl. What's thy name?
Dub. Duboyes.
Orl. Give me thy hand, [thou] hast received no hurt?
Dub. Not any, nor were this body stuck full of wounds, I should not count them hurts, being taken in so honorable a cause as the defence of my most worthy Lord.
Orl. The dedication of thy love to me requires my ample bounty, thou art mine, for I do find thee made unto my purposes: Mounsieur Laverdine, pardon my neglect I not observed you, and how runs rumour?
Lav. Why, it runs my Lord like a foot-man without a cloak, to show that what's once rumour'd it cannot be hid.
Or[l]. And what say the rable, am not I the subject of their talk?
Lav. Troth my Lord the common mouth speaks foul words.
Orl. Of me, for turning away my wife, do they not?
Lav. Faith the men do a little murmure at it and say, 'tis an ill president in so great a man, marry the women they rayl out right.
Orl. Out upon them rampallions. I'll keep my self safe enough out of their fingers, but what say my pritty jolly composed gallants that censure every thing more desperate than it is dangerous; what say they?
Lav. Marry they are laying wagers, what death you shall die; one offers to lay five hundred pounds; And yet he had but a groat about him, & that was in two twopences too to any man that wou'd make it up a shilling; that you were kil'd with a Pistoll charg'd with white Powder; another offerd to pawn his soul for five shillings, and yet no body wou'd take him, that you were stab'd to death, and shou'd die with more wounds than Cæsar.
Orl. And who shou'd be the Butchers that shou'd do it? Montague and his associates?
Lav. So 'tis conjectured.
La-p. And believe it, sweet Prince, it is to be feared, and therefore prevented.
Orl. By turning his purpose on himself, were not that the way?
Lav. The most direct path for your safety. For where doth danger sit more furious than in a desperate man?
La-p. And being you have declined his means, you have increast his malice.
Lav. Besides the generall report that steems in every mans breath, and stains you all over with infamy, that Time the devourer of all things cannot eat out.
La-p. I, for that former familiarity, which he had with your Lady.
Lav. Men speak it as boldly as words of compliment; good morrow, good even, or [God] save you Sir, are not more usuall; if the word cuckold had been written upon your forehead in great Capitall Letters, it could not have been dilated with more confidence.
Orl. He shall not sleep another night, I will have his blood, though it be required at my hands again.
Lav. Your Lordship may, and without hazarding your own person; here's a Gentleman in whose looks I see a resolution to perform it.
Dub. Let his Lordship give me but his honorable word for my life, I'll kill him as he walks.
Lav. Or pistoll him as he sits at meat.
La-p. Or at game.
Lav. Or as he is drinking.
Dub. Any way.
Orl. Wou't thou? call what is mine thine own, thy reputation shall not be brought in question for it, much less thy life; it shall be nam'd a deed of valour in thee, not murder: Farewell. [Exit.
Dub. I need no more encouragement, it is a work I will persuade my self that I was born to.
Laver. And you may persuade your self too that you shall be sav'd by it, being that it is for his honorable Lordship.
Dub. But you must yield me means, how, when and where.
Enter Longaville, Amiens following him.
Ami. Stay Sir, I have took some pains to overtake you.—Your name is Longaville.
Long. I have the word of many honest men for't, I crave your Lordships pardon, your sudden apprehension on my steps made me to frame an answer unwitting and unworthy your respect.
Ami. Doe you know me?
Long. Yes, my Lord.
Ami. I know not you; nor am I well pleased to make this time, as the affair now stands, the induction of your acquaintance; you are a fighting fellow.
Long. How my Lord?
Ami. I think I too much grace you; rather you are a fellow dares not fight, but spit and puffe and make a noyse, whilst your trembling hand draws out your Sword, to lay it upon andirons, stools or tables, rather than on a man.
Long. Your honor may best speak this; yet —— with little safety, if I thought it serious.
Ami. Come, you are a verie braggart, and you have given me cause to tell you so: what weakness have you ever seen in me to prompt your self, that I could need you help; or what other reason[s] could induce you to it? you never yet had a meals meat from my Table, nor as I remember from my Wardrop any cast Suit.
Lon. 'Tis true, I never durst yet have such a servile spirit, to be the minion of a full swoln Lord; but alwaies did detest such slavery: a meals meat, or a cast Suit? I wou'd first eat the stones, and from such rags the dunghils doe afford, pick me a garment.
Long. Your own desert, and with it was joyn'd the unfained friendship that I judged you ever held unto my former Lord.
Ami. The noble Montague?
Long. Yes, the noble and much injured Montague.
Enter Duboys.
Enter Laverdine, and La-poope, with disguises.
Lav. Duboys, most prosperously met.
Dub. How now? will he come this way?
La. This way, immediately; therefore thy assistance, dear Duboys.
Dub. What have you cheated him of the money you spoke of?
Lav. Fough, as easily as a silly Countrey wench of her maydenhead; we had it in a twinkling.
Dub. 'Tis well Captain, let me help you, you must be our leader in this action.
La-p. Tut, fear not, I'll warrant you if my Sword hold, we'll make no sweating sickness of it.
Dub. Why that's well said, but let's retire a little, that we may come on the more bravely; this way, this way. [Exeunt.
Enter Montague in the hands of three Officers, and three Creditors.
1 Cre. Officers look to him, and be sure you take good security before he part from you.
Mont. Why but my friends, you take a strange course with me; the sums I owe you are rather forgetfulness, they are so slight, than want of will or honesty to pay you.
1 Cred. I Sir, it may be so; but we must be paid, and we will be paid before you scape: we have wife and children, and a charge, and you are going down the wind, as a man may say; and therefore it behooves us to look to't in time.
2 Cred. Your cloak here wou'd satisfie me, mine's not above a three pound matter, besides the arrest.
3 Cred. 'Faith and mine is much about that matter too; your Girdle and Hangers, and your Beaver, shall be sufficient bail for't.
1 Cred. If you have ever a plain black sute at home, this Silken one, with your Silke-stockings, Garters, and Roses shall pacifie me too; for I take no delight, if I have a sufficient pawn, to cast any Gentleman in prison; therefore 'tis but an untrussing matter: and you are free, we are no unreasonable creatures you see; for mine own part, I protest I am loth to put you to any trouble for security.
Mont. Is there no more of you? he wou'd next demand my skin.
1 Cred. No Sir, here's no more of us, nor do any of us demand your skin, we know not what to do with it: but it may be if you ow'd your Glover any money, he knew what use to make of it.
1 Cred. You do us wrong Sir, we tyre no generous spirits, we tyre nothing but our hackneys.
Enter Mallicorne.
Mal. Why Sir, what's the matter?
1 Cre. Why Sir the matter is, that we must have our money, which if we cannot have, we'll satisfie our selves with his carcass, and be payd that wayes: you had as good Sir, not have been so peremptory. Officer, hold fast.
1 Offi. The strenuous fist of vengeance now is clutcht; therefore fear nothing.
Mal. What may be the debt in gross?
Mont. Some forty Crowns, nay rather not so much, 'tis quickly cast.
Mal. 'Tis strange to me, that your estate shou'd have so low an ebb, to stick at such sleight sums: why my friends, you are too strict in your accounts, and call too sudden on this Gentleman, he has hopes left yet to pay you all.
1 Cred. Hopes? I marry; bid him pay his friends with hopes, and pay us with currant Coyn: I knew a gallant once that fed his creditors still with hopes, and bid 'em they shou'd fear nothing, for he had 'em tyed in a string; and trust me so he had indeed, for at last he and all his hopes hopt in a halter.
Mont. Good Sir, with what speed you may, free me out of the company of these slaves, that have nothing but their names to show 'em men.
Mal. What wou'd you wish me do Sir? I protest I ha' not the present sum (small as it is) to lay down for you; and for giving my word, my friends no later than yesternight made me take bread and eat it, that I shou'd not do it for any man breathing i'th' world; therefore I pray hold me excused.
Mont. You do not speak this seriously?
Mal. As ever I said my prayers, I protest to you.
Mont. What may I think of this?
Mal. Troth Sir thought is free for any man; we abuse our betters in it, I have done it my self.
Mont. Trust me, this speech of yours doth much amaze me; pray leave this language, and out of that same sum you lately did receive of me, lay down as much as may discharge me.
Mal. You are a merry man Sir, and I am glad you take your crosses so temperately; fare you well Sir, and yet I have something more to say to ye, a word in your ear I pray; to be plain with you I did lay this plot to arrest you to enjoy this money I have of yours, with the more safety. I am a fool to tel[l] you this now; but in good faith I could not keep it in. And the money wou'd a done me little good else. An honest Citizen cannot wholly enjoy his own wife for you, they grow old before they have true use of them, which is a lamentable thing, and truely much hardens the hearts of us Citizens against you: I can say no more, but am heartily sorry for your heaviness, and so I take my leave. [Exit Mallycorne.
1 Cred. Officers take hold on him again, for Mounsier Mallycorne will do nothing for him I perceive.
Enter Duboys, Lapoope, and Laverdine.
Dub. Nay come my masters, leave dancing of the old measures, and let's assault him bravely.
Lav. By no means; for it goes against my stomach to kill a man in an unjust quarrell.
La-p. It must needs be a clog to a mans conscience all his life time.
Lav. It must indeed Captain: besides doe ye not see he has gotten a guard of friends about him, as if he had some knowledge of our purpose?
Dub. Had he a guard of Devils, as I think them little better, my Sword should doe the message that it came for.
Lav. If you will be so desperate, the blood lie upon your own neck, for we'll not meddle in't.
Duboys runs upon Montague, and strugling yields him his Sword; the Officers draw, Laverdine and La-poope in the scuffling retire, Montague chaseth them off the Stage, himself wounded.
1 Offic. Udsprecious, we have lost a brother, pursue the Gentleman.
2 Offic. I'll not meddle with him: you see what comes on't; besides I know he will be hang'd ere he be taken.
1 Offic. I tell thee yeoman he must be taken ere he be hanged; he is hurt in the guts, run afore therefore and know how his wife will rate his Sawsages a pound.
3 Offic. Stay brother, I may live, for surely I find I'm but hurt in the leg, a dangerous kick on the shin-bone. [Exeunt.