Actus Tertius. Scæna Prima.
Enter Madam Lamira, Madam le Orleans, Veramour.
Lam. You see Lady
What harmless sports ou[r] Countrey life affords;
And though you meet not here with City dainties,
Or Courtly entertainment, what you have
Is free and hearty.
L. Orl. Madam, I find here
What is a stranger to the Court, content,
And receive curtesies done for themselves,
Without an expectation of return,
Which binds me to your service.
Lam. Oh your love;
My homely house built more for use than shew
Observes the Golden mean equally distant
From glittering pomp, and sordid avarice;
For Maskes, we will observe the works of nature,
And in the place of visitation, read:
Our Physick shall be wholsome walks, our viands,
Nourishing, not provoking: for I find
Pleasures are tortures that leave stings behind.
L. Orl. You have a great estate.
Lam. A competency
Sufficient to maintain me and my rank,
Nor am I, I thank Heaven, so Courtly bred
As to imploy the utmost of my Rents
In paying Tailors for phantastick Robes;
Or rather than be second in the fashion,
Eat out my Officers and my Revenues
With grating usury; my back shall not
Be the base on which your soothing Citizen
Erects his Summer-houses; nor on th' other side
Will I be so penuriously wise,
As to make money (that's my slave) my Idoll,
Which yet to wrong, merits as much reproof,
As to abuse our servant.
L. Orl. Yet with your pardon
I think you want the Crown of all contentment.
Lam. In what good Madam?
L. Orl. In a worthy husband.
Lam. —— It is strange the galley-slave should praise
His Oar, or stroaks; or you, that have made shipwrack
Of all delight upon this Rock, cal'd marriage,
Should sing Encomions on't.
L. Orl. Madam, though one fall
From his horse and break his neck, will you
Conclude from that it is unfit to ride?
Or must it follow, because Orleans
My Lord's pleased to make his passionate triall
Of my suspected patience, that my brother,
(Were he not so, I might say, worthy Amiens)
Will imitate his ills, that cannot fancy
What's truely Noble in him?
Lam. I must grant
There's as much worth in him as can be lookt for
From a young Lord, but not enough to make
Me change my golden liberty and consent
To be a servant to it, as wives are
To the Imperious humors of their Lords:
Me thinks I'm well, I rise and goe to bed
When I think fit, eat what my appetite
Desires without controle, my servants study
Is my contentment, and to make me merry
Their farthest ayms; my sleeps are enquired after,
My rising up saluted with respect:
Command and liberty now wait upon
My Virgin state; what would I more; change all,
And for a husband? no; these freedoms die,
In which they live with my Virginity;
'Tis in their choice that's rich to be a wife,
But not being yoakt to chuse the single life.
Ver. Madam.
Lam. How like you the Countrey?
Ver. I like the ayr of it well Madam, and the rather because,
as on Irish Timber your Spider will not make his web,
so for ought I see yet your Cheater, Pander, and Informer
being in their dispositions too foggy for this piercing climate,
shun it, and chose rather to walk in mists in the City.
Lam. Who did you serve first boy?
Ver. A rich Merchants widow, and was by her preferred
to a young Court-Lady.
L. Orl. And what difference found you in their service?
Ver. Very much: for look how much my old City Madam
gave to her young visitants, so much my Lady received from
her hoary Court-servants.
Lam. And what made you to leave her?
Ver. My father (Madam) had a desire to have me a tall-man,
took me from thence.
Lam. Well, I perceive you inherit the wag, from your
father.
Ver. Doves beget Doves; and Eagles, Eagles, Madam:
A Citizen here, tho left never so rich, seldome at the best
proves a Gentleman: the son of an Advocate, tho dub'd like
his father, will shew a relish of his descent, and the fathers
thriving practice, as I have heard: she that of a Chambermayd
is metamorphosed into a Madam, will yet remember how oft
her daughter by her mother ventured to lie upon the rushes
before she could get in that which makes many Ladyes.
L. Orl. But what think you of your late Master?
Ver. Oh Madam— [Sighs.
Lam. Why doe you sigh? you are sorry that you left him,
He made a wanton of you.
Ver. Not for that:
Or if he did, for that my youth must love him.
Oh pardon me, if I say liberty
Is bondage, if compar'd with his kind service;
And but to have power now to speak his worth
To its desert; I should be well content
To be an old man when his praise were ended:
And yet, if at this instant you were pleased,
I should begin, the livery of age
Would take his lodging upon this head
Ere I should bring it to a period.
In brief he is a man (for [God] forbid
That I should ever live to say he was
Of such a shape as would make one beloved,
That never had good thought;) and to his body
He hath a mind of such a constant temper
In which virtues throng to have a room:
Yet 'gainst this noble Gentleman, this Montague,
For in that name I comprehend all goodness,
Wrong, and the wrested law, false witnesses,
And envy sent from hell, have rose in Armes,
And though not pierc'd, batter'd his honor'd shield.
What shall I say? I hope you will forgive me,
That if you were but pleas'd to love,
I know no Juno worthy such a Jove.
Enter Charlot with a letter.
Lam. 'Tis well yet that I have the second place
In your affection: From whence?
Charl. From the Lord Amiens, Madam.
Lam. 'Tis wellcome, though it bear his usual language:
I thought so much, his love-suit speaks his health.
What's he that brought it?
Charl. A Gentleman of good rank, it seems.
Lam. Where is he?
Charl. Receiving entertainment in your house
Sorting with his degree.
Lam. 'Tis well.
Charl. He waits your Ladyships pleasure.
Lam. He shall not wait long:
I'll leave you for a while; nay stay you boy,
Attend the Lady. [Exeunt Lam. Charl.
Vir. Would I might live once
To wait on my poor Master.
L. Orl. That's a good boy:
This thankfulness looks lovely on thy forehead,
And in it, as a book, me thinks I read
Instructions for my self, that am his debtor,
And wou'd do much that I might be so happy
To repair that which to our grief is ruin'd.
Vir. It were a work a King might glory in,
If he saw with my eyes: If you please Madam,
For sure to me you seem unapt to walk,
To sit, although the churlish Birds deny
To give us musick in this grove, where they
Are prodigall to others: I'll strain my voyce
For a sad Song, the place is safe and private.
L. Orl. 'Twas my desire; begin good Viramour.
Musick, a Song, at the end of it enter Montague,
fainting, his Sword drawn.
L. Orl. What's he Viramour?
Vir. A goodly personage.
Mont. Am I yet safe? or is my flight a dream?
My wounds and hunger tell me that I wake:
Whither have my fears born me? no matter where,
Who hath no place to goe to, cannot err:
What shall I do? cunning calamity!
That others gross wits uses to refine,
When I most need it duls the edg of mine.
L. Orl. Is not this Montagues voyce?
Vir. My Masters? fie.
Mont. What sound was that, 'pish,
Fear makes the wretch think every leaf oth' Jury:
What course to live, 'beg? better men have done it,
But in another kind: steal? Alexander
Though stil'd a Conqueror, was a proud thief,
Though he rob'd with an Army; fie how idle
These meditations are: though thou art worse
Than sorrows tongue can speak thee, thou art still,
Or shouldst be, honest Montague.
L. Orl. 'Tis too true.
Vir. 'Tis he: what villains hands did this? oh that my flesh
Were Balm; in faith Sir, I would pluck it off
As readily as this; pray you accept
My will to do you service: I have heard
The Mouse once sav'd the Lyon in his need,
As the poor Scarab spild the Eagles seed.
L. Orl. How do you?
L. Orl. Do not say so, take comfort,
For your misfortunes have been kind in this,
To cast you on a hospitable shoar,
Where dwels a Lady—
Vir. She to whom, good Master,
You prefer'd me.
L. Orl. In whose house, whatsoere
Your dangers are, I'll undertake your safety.
Mont. I fear that I am pursued, and doubt that I,
In my defence have kild an Officer.
Vir. Is that all? there's no law under the Sun
But will I hope confess, one drop of blood
Shed from this arme is recompence enough
Though you had cut the throats of all the Catchpoles
In France, nay in the world.
Mont. I would be loth
To be a burthen, or feed like a drone
On the industrious labor of a Bee,
And baser far I hold it to owe for
The bread I eat, what's not in me to pay;
Then since my full fortunes are declin'd,
To their low ebb I'll fashion my high mind.
It was no shame to Hecuba, to serve
When Troy was fir'd: if't be in your power
To be a means to make her entertainment,
And far from that I was; but to supply
My want with habit fit for him that serves,
I shall owe much to you.
L. Orl. Leave that care to me.
Vir. Good Sir, lean on my shoulder; help good Madam:
oh that I were a horse for half an hour, that I might carry you
home on my back: I hope you w[i]ll love me still?
Mont. Thou dost deserve it boy, that I should live
To be thus troublesome.
L. Orl. Good Sir, 'tis none.
Vir. Trouble? most willingly I would be chang'd
Like Apuleius, weare his Asses ears,
Provided I might still this burthen bear.
L. Orl. 'Tis a kind boy.
Mont. I find true proof of it. [Exeunt.
Enter Amiens, and Longeville, with a Paper.
Ami. You'll carry it.
Long. As I live although my packet were like Bellerophon's,
what have you seen in me or my behavior since your favors
so plentifully showr'd upon my wants, that may beget distrust
of my p[er]formance?
Ami. Nay, be not angry, if I entertained
But the least scruple of your love, or courage,
I would make choyce of one which my estate
Should do me right in this, nor can you blame me
If in a matter of such consequence
I am so importunate.
Long. Good my Lord let me prevent your farther conjurations
To rayse my spirit, I know this is a challenge
To be delivered unto Orlean[c]e hand,
And that my undertaking ends not there,
But I must be your second, and in that
Not alone search your enemy, measure weapons,
But stand in all your hazards, as our blouds
Ran in the self-same veins, in which if I
Better not your opinion, as a limb
That's putrifi'd and useless, cut me off,
And underneath the Gallows bury it.
Ami. At full you understand me, and in this
Bind me, and what's mine to you and yours,
I will not so much wrong you as to add
One syllable more, let it suffice I leave
My honor to your guard: and in that prove,
You hold the first place in my heart and love. [Ex. Ami.
Long. The first place in a Lords affection? very good;
and how long doth that last? perhaps the changing of some
three shirts in the Tennis-Court; well, it were very necessary
that an order were taken (if it were possible,) that younger
brothers might have more wit, or more money: for now, however
the fool hath long been put upon him that inherits, his
revenue hath bought him a spunge, and wip't off the imputation,
and for the understanding of the younger, let him get as
much Rhetorick as he can, to grace his language.
Enter Dubois.
They will see, he shall have gloss little enough to set out his
Bark; stand Dubois, look about, 's all safe?
Dub. Approach not near me but with reverence
Lawrel and adorations, I have done more than deserves a
hundred thanks.
Long. How now, what's the matter?
Dub. With this hand, only aided by this brain,
Without an Orpheus Harp redeem'd from Hells
Three headed Porter, our Euridice.
Long. Nay, prethee speak sence, this is like the stale
bragart in a Play.
Dub. Then in plain Prose thus, and with as little action
as thou canst desire, the three headed Porter, were three unexorable
Catch-poles, out of whose jaws without the help of
Orpheus Harp, bait or bribe; for those two strings make the
Musick, that molifies those flinty furies, I rescued our Euridice,
I mean my old Master Montague.
Long. And is this all? a poor rescue; I thought thou
hadst revers'd the judgement for his overthrow in his sute,
or wrought upon his adversary Orleance, taken the shape of
a Ghost, frighted his mind into distraction, and for the appeasing
of his conscience, forc'd him to make restitution of
Montague's Lands, or such like rescue; S'light I would have
hired Acrocheture for two Cardekues, to have done so much
with his whip.
Dub. You wood Sir, and yet 'tis more than three on their
foot-cloaths durst do for a sworn Brother, in a Coach.
Long. Besides, what proof's of it? for ought I know, this
may be a trick, I had rather have him a prisoner, where I
might visit him, and do him service, than not at all, or I know
not where.
Dub. Well Sir, the end will shew it, what's that, a challenge?
Long. Yes, where's Orleance? though we fight in jest, he
must meet with Amiens in earnest,—fall off, we are discovered;
my horse garson; ha!
Dub. Were it not in a house, and in his presence,
To whom I owe all duty—
Long. What would it do? prate as it does? but be as far
from striking, as he that owes it Orleance.
Dub. How?
Long. I think thou art his Porter,
Set here to answer creditors, that his Lordship
Is not within, or takes the diet: I am sent,
And will grow here until I have an answer,
Not to demand a debt of money, but
To call him to a strict account for wrong
Done to the honors of a Gentleman,
Which nothing but his heart-bloud shall wash off.
Dub. Shall I hear this?
Long. And more, that if [I] may not
Have access to him, I will fix this here
To his disgrace and thine.
Dub. And thy life with it.
Long. Then have the copies of it pasted on posts,
Like Pamphlet Titles, that sue to be sold;
Have his disgrace talk for Tobacco-shops,
His picture baffled.
Dub. All respect away, wer't in a Church— [draw both.
Long. This is the Book I pray with.
Enter Orleance.
Orl. Forbear upon your lives.
Long. What are you rouz'd? I hope your Lordship can
read (though he stain not his birth with Scholar-ship) doth it
not please you now? if you are a right Mounsieur, muster up
the rest of your attendance, which is a Page, a Cook, a Pander,
Coach-man, and a Footman, in these days a great Lords train,
pretending I am unworthy to bring you a challenge, instead
of answering it, have me kick'd.
Dub. If he does, thou deserv'st it.
Long. I dare you all to touch me, I'll not stand still,
What answer?
Orl. That thou hast done to Amiens
The office of a faithful friend, which I
Would cherish in thee, were he not my foe,
How ever since on honourable terms
He calls me forth, say I will meet with him,
And by Dubois e'r Sun-set make him know
The time and place, my swords length, and what ever
Scruple of circumstance he can expect.
Long. This answer comes unlookt for, fare you well,
Finding your temper thus, wou'd I had said less. [Exit.
Orl. Now comes thy love to the test.
Dub. My Lord, 'twill hold,
And in all dangers prove it self true Gold. [Exeunt.
Enter Laverdine, La-poop, Malicorn, servant.
Ser. I will acquaint my Lady with your coming.
Please you repose your selves here.
Mal. There's a Tester, nay, now I am a wooer, I must
be bountiful.
Ser. If you would have two three-pences for it Sir,
To give some of your kindred as you ride, I'll see if I can get
them; we use not (tho servants) to take bribes. [Ex.
Lav. Then thou art unfit to be in office, either in Court
or City.
La-p. Indeed, corruption is a Tree, whose branches are
of an unmeasurable length, they spread every where, and the
dew, that drops from thence, hath infected some chairs and
stools of authority.
Mal. Ah Captain! lay not all the fault upon Officers,
you know you can shark, tho you be out of action, witness
Montague.
Lav. Hang him, he's safe enough; you had a hand in it
too, and have gained by him; but I wonder you Citizens, that
keep so many books, and take such strict accounts for every
farthing due to you from others, reserve not so much as a
memorandum for the courtesies you receive.
Mal. Would you have a Citizen book those? thankfulness
is a thing, we are not sworn to in our Indentures: you
may as well urge conscience.
Lav. Talk no more of such vanities, Mountague is irrecoverably
sunk, I would we had twenty more to send after
him; the Snake that would be a Dragon, and have wings,
must eat; and what implies that, but this, that in this
Cannibal age, he that would have the sute of wealth, must
not care —— whom he feeds on? and as I have heard, no
flesh battens better, then that of a profest friend; and he that
would mount to honor, must not make dainty to use the head
of his mother, back of his Father, or neck of his Brother, for
ladders to his preferment; for, but observe, and you shall find
for the most part, cunning villany sit at a Feast as principal
guest, and innocent honesty wait as a contemn'd servant with
a trencher.
La-p. The Ladies.
Enter Montague bare-headed, Lamira, Lady
Orleance, Charlotte a[n]d V[e]ramour.
Mont. Do ye smell nothing?
Char. Not I Sir.
Mont. The carrion of knaves is very strong in my nostrils.
Lav. We came to admire, and find Fame was a niggard,
Which we thought prodigal in our report
Before we saw you.
Lam. Tush Sir, this Courtship's old.
La-p. I'll fight for thee, sweet wench,
This is my tongue, and woes for me.
Lam. Good man of War,
Hands off; if you take me, it must be by siege,
Not by an onset; and for your valour, I
Think that I have de[ser]ved few enemies,
And therefore need it not.
Mal. Thou need'st nothing, sweet Lady, but an obsequious
husband, and where wilt thou find him, if not in
the City? We are true Muscovites to our Wives, and are
never better pleased, than when they use us as slaves, bridle
and Saddle us; Have me, thou shalt command all my wealth
as thine own, thou shalt sit like a Queen in my Ware-house;
And my Factors at the return with my ships, shall pay thee
tribute of all the rarities of the earth; thou shalt wear gold,
feed on delicates, the first Peascods, Strawberries, Grapes,
Cherries shall—
Lam. Be mine; I apprehend what you would say,
Those dainties which the City pays so dear for,
The Countrey yields for nothing, and as early;
And, credit me, your far-fet viands please not
My appetite better than those that are near hand.
Then for your promis'd service and subjection
To all my humors, when I am your wife,
Which [as] it seems, is frequent in the City,
I cannot find what pleasure they receive
In using their fond Husbands like their Maids;
But of this, more hereafter: I accept
Your proffer kindly, and yours; my house stands open
To entertain you, take your pleasure in it,
And ease after your journey.
La. Orl. Do you note the boldness of the fellows?
Lam. Alas Madam, a Virgin must in this be like a Lawyer,
And as he takes all Fees; she must hear all suitors; the
One for gain, the other for her mirth; stay with the
Gentlemen, we'll to the Orchards.
[Exeunt Lamira, Lady Orleance, Vera. and Charl.
La-p. —— What art thou?
Mont. An honest man, though poor;
And look they like to monsters, are they so rare?
Lav. Rose from the dead.
Mal. Do you hear Monsieur Serviture, didst thou never
hear of one Montague, a prodigal gull, that lives about Paris?
Mont. So Sir.
Lav. One that after the loss of his main estate in a Lawsute,
bought an Office in the Court.
La-p. And should have Letters of Mart, to have the
Spanish treasure as it came from the Indies; were not thou
and he twins? put off thy Hat, let me see thy Fore-head.
Mont. Though you take priviledge to use your tongue[s],
I pray you hold your fingers,
'Twas your base cozenag[e] made me as I am:
And were you somewhere else, I would take off
This proud film from your eyes, that will not let you,
Know I am Montague.
Enter Lamira behind the Arras.
Lam. I will observe this better.
Lav. And art thou he? I will do thee grace; give me
thy hand: I am glad thou hast taken so good a course; serve
God, and please thy Mistriss; if I prove to be thy Master, as
I am very like[l]y, I will do for thee.
Mal. Faith the fellow's well made for a Serving-man, and
will no doubt, carry a chine of Beef with a good grace.
La-p. Prethee be careful of me in my chamber, I will
remember thee at my departure.
Mont. All this I can endure under this roof,
And so much owe I her, whose now I am,
That no wrong shall incense me to molest,
Her quiet house, while you continue here,
I will not be ashamed to do you service
More than to her, because such is her pleasure.
But you that have broke thrice, and fourteen times
Compounded for two shillings in the pound,
Know I dare kick you in your shop; do you hear?
If ever I see Paris, though an Army
Of musty Murrions, rusty brown Bills and Clubs,
Stand for your guard—I have heard of your tricks,
And you that smell of Amber at my charge,
And triumph in your cheat; well, I may live
To meet thee, be it among a troop of such
That are upon the fair face of the Court
Like running Ulcers, and before thy whore
Trampel upon thee.
La-p. This a language for a Livery? take heed, I am
a Captain.
Mont. A Coxcomb are you not? that thou and I,
To give proof, which of us dares most, were now
In midst of a rough Sea, upon a piece
Of a split Ship, where only one might ride,
[Lamira from the Arras.
I would—but foolish anger makes me talk
Like a Player.
Lam. Indeed you act a part
Doth ill become you my servant; is this your duty?
Mont. I crave your pardon, and will hereafter be more
circumspect.
Lav. Oh the power of a Womans tongue: it hath done
more than we three with our swords durst undertake; put
a mad man to silence.
Lam. Why sirrah, these are none of your comrades
To drink with in the Cellar; one of them
For ought you know, may live to be your Master.
La-p. There's some comfort yet.
Lam. Here's choice of three, a wealthy Merchant.
Mal. Hem, she's taken, she hath spy'd my good Calf,
And many Ladies chuse their Husbands by that.
Lam. A Courtier that's in grace, a valiant Captain,
And are these mates for you, away, begone.
Mont. I humbly pray you will be pleased to pardon,
And to give satisfaction to you Madam,
(Although I break my heart) I will confess
That I have wrong'd them too, and make submission.
Lam. No I'll spare that; go bid the Cook haste supper. [Exit Mont.
La-p. Oh brave Lady, thou art worthy to have servants,
to be commandress of a Family, that knowest how to use and
govern it.
Lav. You shall have many Mistresses that will so mistake,
as to take their Horse-keepers, and Footmen instead of
their Husbands, thou art none of those.
Mal. But she that can make distinction of men, and
knows when she hath gallants, and fellows of rank and
quality in her house—
Lam. Gallants indeed, if it be the Gallants fashion
To triumph in the miseries of a man,
Of which they are the cause: one that transcends
(In spight of all that fortune hath, or can be done)
A million of such things as you, my doors
Stand open to receive all such as wear
The shape of Gentlemen, and my gentl[i]er nature
(I might say weaker) weighs not the expence
Of entertainment; think you I'll forget yet
What's due unto my self? do not I know,
That you have dealt with poor Montague, but like
Needy Commanders, cheating Citizens,
And perjur'd Courtiers? I am much mov'd, else use not
To say so much, if you will bear your selves
As fits such, you would make me think you are,
You may stay; if not, the way lies before you. [Exit.
Mal. What think you of this Captain?
La-p. That this is a bawdy-house, with Pinacles and
Turrets, in which this disguised Montague goes to Rut gratis,
and that this is a landed pandress, and makes her house a
brothel for charity.
Mal. Come, that's no miracle; but from whence derive
you the supposition?
Lav. Observe but the circumstance; you all know that
in the height of Mountagues prosperity, he did affect, and had
his love return'd by this Lady Orleans; since her divorcement,
and his decay of estate, it is known they have met,
not so much as his boy [is] wanting; and that this can
be any thing else than a meer plot for their night-work, is
above my imagination to conceive.
Mal. Nay, it carries probability, let us observe it better,
but yet with such caution, as our prying be not discovered;
here's all things to be had without cost, and therefore good
staying here.
La-p. Nay, that's true, I would we might wooe her twenty
years, like Penelopes sutors; come Laverdine.
[Exeunt Malli. La Poop.
Lav. I follow instantly, yonder he is.
Enter Viramor.
The thought of this boy hath much cool'd my affection to
his Lady, and by all conjectures, this is a disguised whore;
I will try if I can search this Mine, Page—
Ver. Your pleasure, Sir?
Lav. Thou art a pretty boy.
Ver. And you a brave man: now I am out of your debt.
Lav. Nay, prethee stay.
Ver. I am in haste, Sir.
Lav. By the faith of a Courtier.
Ver. Take heed what you say, you have taken a strange
oath.
Lav. I have not seen a youth that hath pleased me
better; I would thou couldst li[k]e me, so far as to leave thy
Lady and wait on me, I would maintain thee in the bravest
cloaths.
Ver. Though you took them up on trust, or bought 'em
at the Brokers.
Lav. Or any way: then thy imployments should be so
neat and cleanly, thou shouldst not touch a pair of pantables
in a month, and thy lodging—
Ver. Should be in a brothel.
Lav. No, but in mine arms.
Ver. That may be the circle of a Bawdy-house, or worse.
Lav. I mean thou should'st lye with me.
Ver. Lie with you? I had rather lye with my Ladies
Monkey; 'twas never a good world, since our French Lords
learned of the Neapolitans, to make their Pages their Bed-fellows,
doth more hurt to the Suburb Ladies, than twenty
dead vacations; 'Tis supper time, Sir. [Exit Veram.
Lav. I thought so, I know by that 'tis a woman, for because,
peradventure she hath made trial of the Monkey, she
prefers him before me, as one unknown; well, these are
standing creatures, and have strange desires; and men must
use strange means to quenc[h] strange fires. [Exit.