CHAPTER XXX.

INVASION SQUIBS, CONTINUED—BONAPARTE’S TEN COMMANDMENTS, ETC.

THE NEW MOSES
OR
Bonaparte’s Ten Commandments.

Translated from a French Manuscript,
By Soliman the Traveller.

And when the great man came from Egypt, he used cunning, and force, to subject the people. The good, as well as the wicked, of the land trembled before him, because he had won the hearts of all the fighting men; and, after he had succeeded in many of his schemes, his heart swelled with pride, and he sought how to ensnare the people more and more, to be the greatest man under the Sun.

The Multitude of the people were of four kinds; some resembled blind men, that cannot see; some were fearful, who trembled before him; others courageous, and for the good of the people, but too weak in number; and others yet, who were as wicked as the great man himself. And when he was at the head of the deluded nation, he gave strict laws, and the following commandments, which were read before a multitude of people, and in a full congregation of all his priests:

1. Ye Frenchmen, ye shall have no other commander above me, for I, Bonaparte, am the supreme head of the nation, and will make all nations bow down to you, and obey me, as your Lord, and Commander.

2. Ye shall not have any graven images upon your coin, in marble, wood, or metal, which might represent any person above me; nor shall ye acknowledge any person to excel me, whether he be among the living or the dead; whether he be in the happy land of the enlightened French, or in the cursed island of the dull English; for I, the Chief Consul of France, am a jealous hero, and visit disobedience of an individual upon a whole nation, and of a father upon the children, and upon the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; and shew mercy unto those that love me, and humble themselves.

3. Ye shall not trifle with my name, nor take it in vain; nor shall you suffer that any other nation treat it disrespectfully, for I will be the sole commander upon earth, and make you triumph over your enemies.

4. Remember, that ye keep the days of prayers, and pray for me as the head of the Nation and the future Conqueror of the base English. Ye shall pray fervently, with your faces cast upon the ground, and not look at the priest when he pronounces my name; for I am a jealous hero, and delight in my priests, because they are humble, and I have regarded the lowliness of their hearts, and forgiven them all their past iniquities. And ye priests, remember the power of him, who made you his creatures, and do your duty.

5. Respect and honour all French heroes, that ye may find mercy in mine eyes for all your iniquities, and that ye may live in the land, in which I, the Lord, your Commander, live.

6. Ye shall not murder each other, save it be by my own commands, for purposes that may be known to me alone; but of your enemies, and all those nations that will not acknowledge your, and my, greatness, ye may kill an infinite number; for that is a pleasing sight in the eyes of your supreme commander.

7. Ye shall not commit adultery at home, whatever ye may do in the land of infidels, and the stiff-necked people; for they are an abomination to the Lord, your Commander.

8. Ye shall not steal at home, but suppress your covetousness, and insatiable desire of plunder, until ye may arrive in the land of our enemies. Ye shall neither steal from them with indiscretion, but seem to give with the left hand, when the right taketh.

9. Ye shall not bear false witness against your neighbour, if he should distinguish himself in the land of the enemies.

10. Ye shall not covet any thing of your neighbour, but everything of your enemies; his jewels, his gold, his silver, his horse or ass, his maid, his daughter, his wife, or anything in which your hearts find delight; and ye may take it, but still with cunning; for the Lord, your Commander, loveth mildness, more than strength, to please the people when he plunders.—Use the sword in battle, cunning after it, look for plunder, but subject the people to me;—herein lie all my commandments, and those who keep them shall be protected by my power and prosper in all my undertakings.

MASTER BONEY’S
HEARTY WELCOME TO ENGLAND.

Being the Song of Songs, and worth all the Songs in the World put together.

To be sung, or said, by every Jovial Fellow, who is a
True Lover of our good King and most happy
Constitution.

Should Boney come hither, our Britons declare,
 They’d flog the dog well—you may surely guess where:
 While others have vow’d, they would hang him as high,
 As Haman the Jew—’twixt the earth and the sky.
 Boney down, down, down, Boney down.
Some say they will treat him no better than fleas,
 And ’twixt thumb and finger they’ll give him a squeeze;
 Whilst some by the ears, the vile Ruffian they’ll lug,
 And others will give him a good Cornish hug.
 Boney down, &c.
Nay, many would clap him in cage for a show,
 At two pence a piece, Sirs—the price is too low:
 Whilst others would drive him post haste to the Tower,
 A tit-bit for tygers and wolves to devour.
 Boney down, &c.
Stand by, says young Snip, don’t you see my bold shears?
 For the least I will have, is his nose or his ears;
 Says the Cook, I will baste him, and humble his pride,
 Cries the Tanner, Pox take him, I’ll tan his vile hide.
 Boney down, &c.
Says the Butcher, I’ll knock down the dog like an ox,
 Cries the Constable bold—put the knave in the Stocks;
 Says the Chandler, when once to the Pill’ry he hies,
 Rotten eggs will I furnish to bung up his eyes.
 Boney down, &c.
Says the Doctor, I’m ready to give him a pill,
 For the doctors, like Boney, they know how to kill;
 Says the Lawyer, I’ll make the cur presently mute,
 When once I shall bring him the cost of his suit.
 Boney down, &c.
Cries the Huntsman, I long on his shoulders to ride,
 I warrant a good pair of spurs I’ll provide.
 Says the Welchman, I’ll toast him as I would toast cheese;
 Says Paddy, I’ll whack him, as long as you plase.
 Boney down, &c.
Cries a brave bonny Scot, Mon, gee mee his lug,
 And I’ll squeeze him as flat as a bonnock or bug;
 Says old Suds, I will shave him with razor so notch’d,
 As shall leave his black muzzle most famously scotch’d.
 Boney down, &c.
Says the Dust-man, I’ll dust him—you know what I mean,
 I’ll give him a hide, all black, blue and green;
 Says the Mason, I’ll case him in good bricks and mortar,
 No, no, says Jack Ketch—don’t you see this nice halter?
 Boney down, &c.
Says the Baker, the Rogue in my oven I’ll poke;
 Cries young Sweep—in the chimney I’ll give him a smoke;
 The Cobler will give him a stitch in the heel,
 And here’s Moll, who would skin him as clean as an eel.
 Boney down, &c.
But here’s Tom the Miller, who swears he’ll have Boney,
 And grind him as close as—Old Hunks keeps his money.
 Nay, stop, cries the Joiner, I’ll saw off his head,
 Cries the Surgeon, we’ll have him as soon as he’s dead.
 Boney down, &c.
Then stretch the Dog out, and when flat on his back,
 We’ll cut out his heart to see if it’s black;
 For sure such another, no mortal e’er saw,
 Unless vomited forth, from old Belzebub’s maw.
 Boney down, &c.
But now for his flesh—we must lay bare his bones,
 And then let him stand clear of Old Davy Jones,77
 But Davy will have him, as sure as a gun,
 So now Master Boney, here ends all your fun.
 Boney down, &c.
The Soldiers will stick him—the Sailor he cries,
 He’ll never come hither, the Rascal’s too wise;
 He knows that the Tars of Old England ne’er shrink,
 But him, and his flat-bottom’d boats they will sink.
 Boney down, &c.
’Twou’d weary your patience to hear folks repeat,
 How Boney the Pigmy they’re anxious to treat;
 So let him come hither, we’ll soon make a ring,
 Then fight till we die, for our Country and King.
 Boney down, &c.

Among the caricatures, West gives us (July 1803) ‘A British Chymist Analizing a Corsican Earth Worm!!’ Bonaparte is in a retort, being distilled, and George the Third is examining a cup of his extract, with a magnifying glass, saying, ‘I think I can now pretty well ascertain the ingredients of which this insect is composed—viz.—Ambition and self sufficiency, two parts—Forgetfulness—one part—some light Invasion Froth, on the surface, and a prodigious quantity of fretful passion, and conceited Arrogance is the residue!!’

‘Little Ships, or John Bull very Inquisitive’ (artist unknown, July 1803), shews us Napoleon employed in cutting toy ships out of bits of wood; he has already filled a large basket with them, and has two or three before him, on a table. John Bull, with a terrific oaken cudgel, comes suddenly upon him, saying, ‘I ax Pardon for coming in with my hat on, without knocking—but, hearing a nation thumping in your workshop—thought I may as well step up stairs, and see what the youngster is about.’ Napoleon replies, ‘Don’t be alarm’d Johnny—I am only making a few little Ships, for my own Private Amusement.’

The following broadside was printed with different headings, so as to sell in different counties—

TWENTY THOUSAND POUNDS
REWARD.

Middlesex (to wit)

To all Constables, Head boroughs, Tithing Men, and other Officers of the County of Middlesex, and to every of whom it may concern,

Whereas a certain ill disposed Vagrant, and common disturber, commonly called, or known by the name of Napoleon Bonaparte, alias Jaffa Bonaparte, alias Opium Bonaparte, alias Whitworth Bonaparte, alias Acre Bonaparte, still continues to go about swindling and defrauding divers Countries, Cities, Towns, and Villages, under divers, various, and many false and wicked pretences, out of their Rights, Comforts, Conveniences, and Cash; And whereas the said Napoleon Bonaparte, alias Jaffa Bonaparte, alias Opium Bonaparte, alias Whitworth Bonaparte, alias Acre Bonaparte, hath been guilty of divers Outrages, Rapes, and Murders, at Jaffa, Rosetta, and elsewhere; And whereas It is strongly suspected that the said Napoleon Bonaparte, alias Jaffa Bonaparte, alias Opium Bonaparte, alias Whitworth Bonaparte, alias Acre Bonaparte, hath in contemplation at the Day of the Date of these presents, to land in some, (but in what, part is not yet known) of Great Britain or Ireland: We do hereby will and require, that in case the said Napoleon Bonaparte, alias Jaffa Bonaparte, alias Opium Bonaparte, alias Whitworth Bonaparte, alias Acre Bonaparte, shall be found to lurk, and wander up and down your Bailiwick, that you bring before us the body of the said Napoleon Bonaparte, alias Jaffa Bonaparte, alias Opium Bonaparte, alias Whitworth Bonaparte, alias Acre Bonaparte, on or before the Morrow78 of All Souls, that he may be forthwith sent to our Jail for Wild Beasts, situate, standing, and being, over Exeter ‘Change in the Strand, without Bail or Mainprize; and that he be there placed in a certain Iron Cage, with the Ouran Outang, or some other ferocious and voracious animal like himself, for the purpose of being tamed, or until a warrant shall issue to our beloved subject Jack Ketch, to deal with him according to Law and the Virtue of his Office; and this in no-wise omit at your peril. Witness our hands

John Doe and Richard Roe.

The said Napoleon Bonaparte, alias Jaffa Bonaparte, alias Opium Bonaparte, alias Whitworth Bonaparte, alias Acre Bonaparte, is a Corsican by birth, about five feet four inches in height of a swarthy black complexion, dark hair and eye brows, and resembles a great deal in person, a Bear-leader, or one of the Savoyards who play on the reeds at Vauxhall: he is remarkable for walking fast, and taking long strides, and has been thought to squint, though it is, in fact, no more than a cast in the left eye, with looking too much at one object—Old England—to which over application, he also owes being afflicted with the Jaundice.

The above reward will be paid by the County immediately on apprehension.