Thus ended my gallantries at Toledo; and to complete my misfortunes, when I arrived at my inn, I met an Alguazil there, who, I was informed, had just arrived from Madrid, and had been making very particular inquiries of the landlord for a certain quidam, of whom he was in search. I did not hear this without uneasiness; nevertheless, alarmed as I was, I managed to put a bold face on the matter; but I was so agitated the whole of the night that I could not get a wink of sleep. I rose early the next morning, still thinking of this cursed Alguazil, and went out to walk in the Zocodover. I had not gone once round the square, before I heard a man crying, Two mules returning to Almagro.
I determined to avail myself of this opportunity, and resolved in a moment to hire these two mules, as though I had foreseen that I should find a company of soldiers at Almagro on the point of departure for Italy. I spoke to the crier, and we soon agreed; after which I sent my lackey to pay my landlord, and to fetch my baggage, which consisted of a portmanteau, in which was my fashionable dress, some fine linen, and what remained of my money. As soon as he rejoined me, I gave him one of the mules, mounted myself on the other, and rejoiced at having found so favourable an opportunity of leaving Toledo, where I could no longer remain in peace, I took the route towards Orgas, where I slept that night.
At the inn where we stopped there chanced to be a very pretty servant-maid, who, from her wit and obliging manners, seemed so superior to her condition that I commenced a conversation with her, in the course of which I could not refrain from plainly expressing the amorous desires I felt towards her. So far from being startled at this declaration, she anticipated my wishes, and went so far as to promise that she would steal into my chamber in the night. “But, my darling,” said I, “can I be sure that you will not deceive me? Can I rely upon this promise?” “Certainly,” answered she; “you are too handsome a young gentleman for me to wish to impose on; rely on it, I will keep my word.”
I slept that night in a chamber in which there were some oats kept, the door of which I took care to leave open, that my damsel might come in at what hour she pleased. I fell asleep while I lay waiting for her, though it is not very usual to think of sleeping on such occasions; but the uneasiness caused by the Alguazil the preceding night not having permitted me to take any repose, I felt more inclined to rest than to make love. I was soon awoke, however, by hearing a slight noise in the room, which I did not doubt was my fair one; and anxious to receive her with the attention that her punctual observance of her promise seemed to deserve, “Approach, my charmer,” said I, in a low voice, “I have been waiting impatiently for you.” No one answered. I thought the jade behaved thus to provoke my desires the more, and with this conviction I leant half my body out of bed, and stretched out my arms to seize her; and my hands lighted on something exceedingly soft, but of such a softness as revolted against my ideas. In fact, it was the ear of an ass, who had left his stable and entered my chamber, attracted by the smell of the oats that were kept there. This animal, whose head was almost as low as the floor when I touched him, raised it on a sudden, as a punishment for my sins, and gave me so violent a blow on the chin, that it loosened all my teeth, and filled my mouth with blood. I rose from my bed swearing, and with the intention of running my sword through this accursed beast, who, fortunately, however, for him, was frightened at the noise I made, and took to his heels. I was content, therefore, to lie down again, with curses against love, and renewing the oath I had already made, to be more cautious of its snares.
A few moments before day-light I was just beginning to doze again, when the muleteer entered my chamber to give me notice that breakfast was ready, and that if I wished to reach Malagon at any reasonable hour that day, I had no time to lose. I was soon up and dressed; and after having eaten a good breakfast of what the host chose to provide for me, I was just going to mount my mule, when she directed a violent kick at me, which would certainly have crippled me for the remainder of my days had I been at a greater distance; but I was luckily so close to the plaguy beast that she could not do me much harm. “The devil take all females!” cried I; “I was born to be ill-treated by them.” To divert the companions of my journey, and to amuse myself, I related to them on the road the particulars of my late adventure with the ass. This recital seemed particularly diverting and interesting to the muleteer, who told us, after having laughed his bellyful, that Luzia, which was the servant’s name, had been more faithful to him: that she had passed the greater part of the night with him, and he gave me this piece of information for my guidance in future: that the servants in inns were always considered the right of the muleteers, as a recompence for the service they do the landlord in bringing travellers to his house.
We arrived at Malagon at night, whence I set out again the next day, without any other scurvy trick of fortune except having lost one bottle of wine, which I missed when we had got about three or four leagues from the town. “As I live,” quoth I, “this theft brings to my recollection, and verifies the old proverb which declares, that in Malagon there is a thief in every house, but in that of the Alcaid two, the father and the son. Upon this the muleteer asked me if I knew the origin of this proverb. I answered that I did not, and that I should be glad to hear it. If I may believe an old man from whom I had it, replied he, this is the story.
“In the year 1236, when Don Fernando, surnamed the Holy, King of Castile and Leon, was one day at Beneventum, news was brought him that the Christian troops had entered Cordova, having already possessed themselves of the suburbs called Axarquia; but that the Moors, to whom the place belonged, and who were very superior in numbers, were preparing to repulse them. This monarch, animated by his zeal for his religion, resolved to fly to the relief of the Christians, and sent notice of his design to Don Alvaro Perez de Castro, and Don Ordonis Alvaroz, who were both at Marts. These two lords, who were at that time the most illustrious cavaliers in Castile, instantly repaired to the King, who immediately set out as he had determined. As he was only accompanied by about a hundred men, he issued orders to all his warriors and vassals, who might be dispersed in the different towns and villages under his dominion, to follow him to Cordova. These orders would have been executed willingly, and without delay, had it been practicable; but it was then just in the middle of the month of January, and the heavy snow and rains had fallen in such abundance as to cause all the rivers and springs to overflow: so that the troops were not able to advance, but were obliged to halt at every place they came to.
“So great a number of them were under the necessity of stopping at Malagon, that one soldier was obliged to be quartered in every house, and two in those of the more opulent citizens. The commander of these troops, and his son, who was also an officer, chanced to fall to the lot of the Alcaid. Though this was a very considerable town, yet there were now so many people in it, and the times were so hard, that provisions became extremely scarce and dear, and as the soldiers were not able to procure them at such excessive rates, they began to steal, to prevent their dying with hunger. While these things were going on, a merry conceited peasant who had just passed through the town in his way to Toledo, met a troop of cavaliers on the road near Orgas, who asked him whence he came. “From Malagon,” replied he; “and what news from thence?” inquired one of the cavaliers. The peasant made this answer, which has since become a proverb, “at Malagon there is a thief in every house, and in that of the Alcaid two, the father and the son.”
“It is most unfair,” continued the muleteer, “that this proverb should be applied to the inhabitants of Malagon, since they were the persons robbed, and not those that robbed others. On the contrary, I will maintain to their credit, that from Madrid to Seville there is no inn where travellers are better treated and less imposed on than at Malagon. I do not pretend to say that there are not knaves in that place, as well as elsewhere; but I assure you there are many worse in this country.”
Just as the muleteer ended his discourse, another muleteer of his acquaintance came up to us, of whom I asked what was going on at Almagro, whence he had just come, and he informed me that there was a company of soldiers there, newly raised, and destined, he believed, for Italy. I was enraptured at this news, and felt disposed to forgive fortune, now that she presented me with so favourable an opportunity of gratifying my violent desire to go to Genoa, for all the hardships that she had hitherto made me endure.
All my fear was, that the muleteer had been misinformed; but on entering Almagro, I was soon convinced that he had told the truth. I perceived a flag suspended from a window of one of the houses where I supposed the Captain had taken up his residence.
I proceeded, therefore, to an inn in the neighbourhood, where I took up my lodging for that night; and in the morning I dressed myself in my best suit of clothes, and finest linen, and went to church, where I heard mass, and from thence to wait upon the Captain, whom I saluted with an air calculated to make him believe me a young man of quality, telling him that I had come express to Almagro to have the honour of serving the King by joining his company. My behaviour and appearance had the desired effect of casting a mist before the eyes of this officer, who was an extremely well-bred man. He received me, therefore, in the most polite manner, testifying his joy at finding me disposed to enter so early in the career of glory. He then thanked me for the preference I gave his company, which would be proud to receive among them a cavalier of noble race, which he could easily perceive I was. “All I regret,” added he, “is, that all the posts are filled up; but, though I cannot, therefore, offer you a commission, you shall at least share mine with me, and we will live together as though you were Captain as well as myself.”
To convince me that these excessive civilities were not mere compliments, he insisted on my staying to dinner, and regaled me in good style. He did not, however, forget to charge one of his servants, in private, to inquire of mine who I was. My page, who had frequently heard me style myself Don Juan de Guzman of the house of Toral, answered this question by saying that this was the name I bore, and that was all he knew of me. This was reported to the Captain, who most firmly believed that I was certainly one of the younger branches of that illustrious house. The next day I invited him, in my turn, to dine with me at my inn, and spared no expense to render the entertainment as complete as if I had been in reality the cavalier my valet had represented me to be. I did not stop here, but gave so many other dinners to the Captain and the principal officers of the company, that it is no wonder they all esteemed me, and considered me an honour to their corps. The Captain, in particular, was so extremely attentive to me, that I was frequently quite confused at his kind professions of regard. It is true, that to secure a continuance of his friendship, I sent him, almost every day, some little present by my page, which he was so kind as to accept of as a mark of my affection.
In the mean time my purse, having no flux and reflux like the sea, began to empty itself visibly, without any prospect of being filled again. What with my clothes, my gallantries, and my travelling expenses, in addition to these entertainments and presents, I had already squandered away more than half of my reals, without reckoning what I had lost at play with the officers, the majority of whom knew better than myself how to take advantage in gaming of every turn of fortune in their favour. I had still, however, a sufficient sum remaining to support my assumed character for some time longer, when orders were given for marching, and I followed the company, in quality of a volunteer, to the coast, where we had orders to wait until the galleys which were to transport us into Italy, with other troops, arrived at Barcelona, where we were to embark. But it was God’s pleasure that this embarkment should not take place till three months afterwards. This completed my ruin; for being willing to continue to live with the Captain and other officers as I had begun, I was soon compelled to make use of my corps de reserve; I mean my thirty pistoles, which were yet untouched, and which I soon ran through with as little frugality as my reals. When I found my resources thus at an end, I was obliged to sell my fine clothes and linen, and to get rid of my valet, who went to seek his fortune elsewhere; and having no money to game with, I ceased to associate with the officers, who guessed but too rightly the reasons that obliged me thus to alter my conduct towards them.
Reflections now came thick upon the prodigal child; and though I had not given way to them while my money lasted, now that it was gone, at least a million presented themselves to my imagination. I recalled to mind all my past follies, and reproached myself as severely as a professed pedagogue could have done, resolving to manage better for the future, as though I had still several bags of reals in my portmanteau. I chiefly repented of having given such fine entertainments to the Captain, who no longer invited me to dinner as usual, now that all my money was gone. The other officers, thinking that I had nothing more to lose, turned their backs upon me. The serjeants, who had before been in the habit of visiting me as a second Captain, and who had considered themselves honoured by my condescending to converse with them, no longer came near me. There was not a single soldier but avoided me; and I question if even the blackguards that followed them would have deigned to associate with me, had I been inclined to have been their comrade. But it was but just, after such useless extravagance, that I was punished as I deserved. If there was any thing that could console me in my unfortunate situation it was, that during the whole course of my prosperity I had not committed the least knavery. This gave my Captain a good opinion of me, who, believing as firmly as ever that I was a young man of high birth, still retained some esteem for me in my misery. He had himself too well profited by my foolish conduct not to forgive me from the bottom of his soul; and when I called upon him one evening he received me much as usual, without taking any notice of the situation of my affairs, though he was in reality much affected; and he could not avoid saying, to me, one day that I was more melancholy than usual, “My dear Guzman, I should indeed be hard-hearted and ungrateful were I insensible to your troubles, after the many proofs you have given me of your friendship. But you have yet to learn that my fortune is but little better than your own; and I am sincerely afflicted that I am utterly incapable of convincing you of my good wishes by my actions. All I can pretend to offer you in your present distress is a lodging in my house, and the table of my servants; for myself, I am obliged to dine out, from my utter incapacity to receive my friends at home.”
This proposal, which he did not make without a blush, was tendered in so obliging a manner that I accepted it. Pride becomes nobody, but still less a man who has no money, and knows not where to lay his head; it is a cameleon, which lives only on the wind. From his companion I was now become his servant. But I owe him this piece of justice: instead of treating me like a common servant, he behaved in the most considerate manner towards me. When he wished me to do any thing for him, he requested instead of commanding it; and, on my side, I was always more anxious than the other domestics to make myself useful to him, that I might preserve his friendship, and not eat the bread of idleness; and I so completely succeeded in my desire to please him, by anticipating his every wish, that, believing me to be faithful, and even prudent, though I had sufficiently proved myself the reverse by my former dissipations, he resolved to make me acquainted with the present state of his affairs, to convince me that he placed entire confidence in me.
He confessed to me then that he was so much reduced, that a few jewels which he possessed were his only resource. “Can you guess,” added he, “what has reduced me to this extremity?”—the time that was consumed in soliciting my employment, and the great presents I was obliged to make to obtain it. Yes, were I to begin life afresh, I would renounce such a profession, notwithstanding the desire that every Spanish gentleman naturally has to acquire glory in the army. I cannot reflect on what I have submitted to without blushing; for, besides the money that I have expended, how many whole days have I passed with my hat in my hand, soliciting, flattering, bowing to the ground, kicking my heels at levees, sometimes to speak to one person, sometimes to meet with another, cringing, acting a servant’s part, and a thousand other meannesses of which I am ashamed! But the most provoking treatment that I met with, and which I felt most sensibly, was on the day preceding that on which I had been promised my commission. After having consumed more than eight months in solicitations in the manner I have just described to you, I accompanied my patron as he came out of the palace, and conducted him, with the most profound respect, to the steps of his carriage, which was in waiting for him, but unfortunately put my hat on a moment before the carriage drove off. The Minister noticed this, darted a haughty look at me, and soon convinced me that this accident had offended him, for my commission was not delivered to me for above four months after. I even ran the risk of losing both my trouble and my money by not obtaining it at all.
“God deliver every honest man,” continued he, raising his eyes towards Heaven, “from persons who possess power and bad dispositions united! How blind are these idols of the Court, who expect to be adored like deities! They must surely have forgotten that they are but miserable comedians, appointed to play principal characters, and that at the end of the piece, that is to say, of their lives, they must leave the stage like ourselves, and be thought of no more.”
I was so affected by this relation, that I felt more interested in my Captain’s misfortunes than my own; and assured him, in the most impressive terms my heart could dictate, that there was nothing I would not undertake for him, and that I would willingly expose my life to be of service to him. He thanked me for my good wishes. “But what assistance,” added he, smiling, “can I expect from you in your present condition?” “That we shall see,” answered I; “for though I am young, necessity inspires wit, and may supply my deficiency of experience. Leave it to me to find you the means of living at ease until we embark.” The Captain smiled again at these words, and, without making any reply, shook his head, to shew me that he placed but little reliance on professions dictated by my inconsiderate zeal to serve him. Had he known my talents he would have formed a different opinion; but I soon obliged him to do me justice.
As the galleys were a long while ere they arrived, we were obliged to be billeted, upon short allowance, in the different villages, and frequently moved our quarters. At every house I left a dozen billets, which brought us in at least twelve reals each, and from some of the more opulent inhabitants fifty. For my own part, I gained admittance into every house at free cost, without quartering myself on any in particular; and I never failed to leave proofs at each that I had the perfect use of my hands. I really think that I would even have carried off water from their wells, rather than have gone away empty-handed. By these means I so completely re-established my Captain’s finances, that he was enabled to keep open table again as before; and the dexterity of my hands supplied him abundantly with good cheer, at a cheap rate: fowls, capons, geese, pullets, and pigeons, fell as thick as hail into the kitchen, and hams were not wanting to complete the larder.
If by chance the master of a house happened to catch me in the fact, in case it were but a small theft I made a jest of it, and though a greater, the worst that could happen to me was to be carried before my Captain, who reprimanded me in a severe manner, and sometimes caused me to be imprisoned in a chamber, where I received by his orders a hundred lashes which I never felt at all, though I always made the room ring with cries as if I were being torn in pieces, though I was never so much as touched all the while. This satisfied the injured parties, and saved the honour of the officer. Sometimes the complainants themselves would intercede with the Captain on my behalf, conjuring him out of pity to forgive me.
Jests like these, however, generally grow serious. After these petty thefts, I was not content until I ventured upon greater. For this purpose, I selected five or six of the most resolute fellows in our company; we all disguised ourselves, and went on the highway, where we stopped several travellers, who, by immediately surrendering their money, prevented the crimes which their resistance might have caused us to commit. Our Captain was no sooner informed of these dangerous proceedings, than, dreading the consequences both to himself and me, he positively forbade my carrying on this game any longer, desiring me to confine myself to more innocent amusement for the future, such as finding false musters, in which science I was a perfect adept. By a false beard, or a patch on the eye, I could easily make the same soldier receive pay three times over, without detection. In short, I became so useful to the Captain, that he confessed to me that my industry alone was worth much more to him than the whole income that he derived from his Company.
The galleys at length arrived at Barcelona. As soon as we received this intelligence, we marched thither to embark; but as the wind was not favourable, we were obliged to remain a considerable time in that city, where something more than my usual address was necessary to enable us to live in plenty at so cheap a rate as before. I soon remarked that my Captain was relapsing into his former despondency, and I easily guessed the cause: well might I know the nature of his complaint, since I was the physician who had already cured him of it.
For this once, however, I felt at a loss how to prescribe, being entirely unacquainted with the map of Barcelona, and the disposition of its inhabitants. I did not, however, forget to tender my exertions as a specific to my patient, who replied, in a serious manner, that we had no longer peasants to deal with, and that I must be very cautious what I did. Difficulties tended only to quicken my apprehension, and an idea occurred to me which I resolved to follow. I have already told you that the Captain had some jewels which he reserved for a rainy day. Amongst these jewels was a gold Reliquary, set round with diamonds, which he intended to dispose of for subsistence until we embarked. I requested him to shew it me, and asked if he could place so much confidence in me as to entrust it to me for a day or two, adding that I would return it to him with usury. “Oh! Oh! my little Guzman,” answered he with a smile, “what piece of roguery have you now in contemplation?” “You have only,” replied I, “to let me have the Reliquary, and keep up your spirits. If, notwithstanding all the precautions that I can take to perform safely the trick that I have in my head, I should be so unfortunate as to meet with any check from justice, I can at least pledge myself to save your honor, and to bear all the ill consequences of it myself.”
My Captain could hold out no longer, but gave me the Reliquary, saying, that he wished me success in my enterprize, whatever it might be. Nobody, indeed, had more interest in it than himself, to whom all the profit would accrue. I put the jewel into a purse which I hid in my bosom, the string of which I tied to the buttons of my doublet; after which I went to the first Jeweller’s I could meet, who, fortunately for me, was well known in the city as a noted usurer. I asked him if he was inclined to purchase a fine Reliquary. I shewed it him, and could easily perceive that he liked it very well, although he pretended not to think much of it. I did not wait until he asked me the usual questions, but told him that I was a soldier in a company newly raised, and that was destined for Italy; that I had spent all my money, and having no other resource, found myself reduced to dispose of this jewel, that I might not be entirely destitute. “You are at liberty,” added I, “to go and ascertain from my Captain, from the other officers, and even soldiers, who I am; they will inform you that I am styled Don Juan de Guzman: upon their report of me, you can make up your mind whether you will buy the Reliquary or not. While you are making these inquiries I will go and wait for you on the quay, where I have a little business to settle.”
The Jeweller, who was not willing to allow this jewel to escape him, took his cloak immediately, and hastened to the place where I told him we lodged, and did not fail to question several of the officers and soldiers, as to the character of a certain Don Juan de Guzman who described himself as belonging to their company. Every man of them (for I was generally beloved) assured him I was a young man of quality, who intended to pass over to Italy with them, and that they had known me make a most brilliant figure. In short, they spoke so well of me, that he soon returned to look for me on the quay, where he had no great difficulty to find me, for I had no other business there but to wait for and entrap him. He requested me, as soon as he came up, to allow him to see the Reliquary again, which he was come to treat for. “Willingly,” replied I, “but let us retire a little, as I have no wish to have a crowd assembled about us.”
I then drew the jewel out of my purse and handed it to him: he looked at it on all sides, and after having examined it minutely, asked me what I would have for it. I told him two hundred crowns; and though that was not half its value, the old usurer pretended to be quite astonished at such a price, and began to tell me that the gold was by no means of the finest quality. Besides which he found great fault with the workmanship, as well as with the diamonds: nevertheless, he offered me one half, and I was surprised in my turn. “That will not do,” cried I, “you take advantage of my situation; but distressed as I am for money, I declare that you shall not have it for less than a hundred and fifty crowns.”
He still continued to make so many objections, that I was at last contented to conclude the bargain at a hundred and twenty, and he requested me to accompany him to his shop to receive the money. This I refused, telling him that I expected a person to meet me on the quay, and, therefore, could not leave it; that if he would return home and procure the sum agreed on, he would find me again in the same place. The Jeweller, finding that I could not be prevailed on to accompany him, and being apprehensive that the person whom I expected might be another Jeweller, whom I had appointed to meet on the same subject, ran home with great haste, lest he should be deprived of his bargain before his return.
The old rogue soon returned to me again, quite out of breath, bringing with him in a small bag the hundred and twenty crowns, which he counted into my hand. I requested the bag of him in which I put the money, and offered him in exchange the purse that the Reliquary was kept in; but affecting to find great difficulty in untying the strings, which I had purposely well fastened, I snatched, as though from impatience, a knife which I observed in a sheath at his girdle, and cut them asunder. Although this action seemed to surprise him a little, he was so far from guessing the cause, that he departed and walked towards home, well satisfied with his purchase, and very far from suspecting the snare that I had laid for him.
After having allowed him to proceed a few steps, I beckoned to one of my comrades, as great a rogue as myself, whom I had stationed near at hand so as to be ready when called for, and desired him to carry the crowns to our Captain. Then I ran as fast as I could after my Jeweller, for I had not lost sight of him, and overtook him at a part where the roads met, where there happened to be some soldiers assembled, to whom I pointed him out, crying aloud, “stop thief, fellow soldiers, stop thief! for God’s sake stop that old rascal there, who has just robbed me; let him not escape!” The soldiers, some of whom belonged to our own company, stopped the poor Jeweller immediately, asking him how he had given me cause to complain thus of him. He was at first so bewildered with fear and astonishment, that he had not the power of uttering a word. Had he spoken, however, it would not have availed him, for his voice would have been drowned by that of his accuser: nobody was to be heard but myself, who kept up a continued roar; and to make more impression on the soldiers, I fell down on my knees before them, and forcing some tears into my eyes, implored their assistance.
“Gentlemen,” said I, “you see before you in that old rogue one of the greatest hypocrites in Spain. I chanced just now to be standing by him on the quay, where he remarked that I had a purse in my bosom, and asked me what was in it? a Reliquary, answered I, which my master the Captain accidentally left at the bed’s-head this morning, and that I have taken care of to give it to him again; upon this, the old rascal whom you have secured requested me in a civil manner to shew it him, telling me that he was a Goldsmith, and was curious in jewels. I satisfied his curiosity, and he asked me if I would dispose of this Reliquary. That cannot be, said I, for it is my master’s; at the same time I replaced it in my purse which was tied to my button; whereupon my thief, while he amused me with words, drew forth a knife which he had in a sheath at his girdle, and suddenly cut the strings, the ends of which are still to be seen. Take the trouble. Gentlemen, of searching him, I beg of you,” added I, “and you will find the purse containing the jewel somewhere about his person, for I have followed him so closely, that he has not had an opportunity of otherwise disposing of it.”
The soldiers instantly began to search him: they drew forth the purse containing the Reliquary from his bosom where he had placed it, and perceiving that the strings had really been cut, they no longer doubted the Goldsmith’s guilt: in vain did he protest and swear that I had sold it him; they would not believe him, it being so extremely improbable that an old and experienced Jeweller could consent to purchase so rich a Reliquary of a young soldier, without suspecting that it must have been stolen. “Once more,” cried the accused, “I assure you that I paid this young man for the Reliquary a hundred and twenty crowns in gold, which I reckoned into his hand, and which he must now have about him: you have only to search him also to find these gold coins, which I paid him only a few minutes since.” The soldiers, to satisfy him, rummaged my pockets out; and finding no money about me, they began to revile him most unmercifully, and even to beat him. Nevertheless, as he insisted on being conducted to a Judge, they carried us both before one.
Here I related my case in the same manner as I had reported it to the soldiers, who, upon being interrogated by the Judge, said more than was sufficient to convince him that the Jeweller had really seized this Reliquary from me by force; in addition to which, this citizen being so well known as a covetous man who would not scruple at a trifle, they were the more disposed to think him guilty. The Magistrate, however, out of consideration for his family, which consisted of some of the first persons in the city, was content to reprimand him severely, and delivered the jewel into my hands again, desiring me to carry it to my master, which I did immediately.
When I related this adventure to the Captain, he returned thanks to Heaven that it had ended so well: he had feared, and with some reason, that I should have come but scurvily off in so slippery an affair, and my boldness made him tremble. Although he was the only person that profited by my rogueries, yet he resolved to get rid of the rogue, fearing that I should at last ruin him as well as myself by some unlucky adventure. He was impatient for the day when we should embark, which at length arrived. The galleys left the harbour of Barcelona, and transported us in safety to Genoa, where we were no sooner landed, than my Captain said to me in private, “my dear Guzman, we are now in the country whither you have been so extremely anxious to come,” for I had communicated to him my intentions of visiting my kindred; “we must now, with your leave, begin to think of parting, for I am not more afraid of all the devils together than of the consequences of these legerdemain tricks of yours: farewell, my friend,” added he, putting a pistole into my hand, “I much regret that I am not in a situation to make you a better acknowledgment for your services.” Thus saying, he departed, leaving me so thunderstruck with his compliment, that I could not utter a word. But what could I have said to him? was it necessary to represent to him all the dangers I had faced on his account? he was well aware of them, for what else was it that caused my dismissal. I could not be surprised at his behaviour. I had only the common fate of rogues, who, like vipers and scorpions, are made use of, while any thing useful can be extracted from them, and afterwards thrown to the dogs.
As soon as I had quitted the captain, or rather when I found myself abandoned by him, my only thought was how to console myself under this misfortune, and I soon forgot it, when I reflected that I was now at Genoa, where I had so long desired to be. I inquired in the city about my relations, and was informed that they were the most rich and powerful persons in that republic. I was overjoyed at this news, for I did not doubt that I should receive the greatest assistance from them, when they knew that I was a branch of their noble family.
I looked about for another inn where I could live thriftily, until I should be rather a more decent figure to visit my relations. My pistole could not do much for me, part of which I was obliged to expend in procuring a pair of shoes which I was sadly in want of; my clothes were also much worn as well as my stockings and hat, so that my whole dress was in a ruinous condition. “So much the better,” said I: “my relations can never suffer me to remain long in such a state to be a disgrace to them. Let me quickly, therefore, make myself known to them, that I may the sooner be relieved from my misery.”
I then immediately set forward with this intention, and asked the way to their house, boasting to every one I spoke to that I had the honour to be of their family, which was soon reported to them by some of their enemies, who, thinking that the sight of a lad so wretchedly equipped would afford them no great pleasure, were the more anxious to communicate to them the agreeable news. My generous relations were almost desperate. They looked upon my poverty as an infamous disgrace to them; and I verily believe, that could they, without danger to themselves, have caused me to be poniarded, they would not have hesitated a moment, for such practices were but too common in that country. But, as I was already talked of all over the city, where my father had been so well known, if I had disappeared all of a sudden, the cause would have been easily guessed.
Do not be surprised, reader, at my ill opinion of my relations; had you been in their place I do not think that you would have behaved much better towards me. Suppose yourself for a moment as rich as they were, and tell me candidly how you would have received a beggar, who comes up to you as suddenly as if he had just fallen from the clouds, and salutes you in the middle of the street saying, good morrow, uncle, or brother, I am a son of your brother, or of your mother; would you not be extremely mortified? and yet I was so imprudent as to address them in this public manner: thus I never saluted one of them that did not treat me with the titles of rascal and impostor, accompanying these epithets with threats; “take our advice,” said they, “and do not remain much longer at Genoa, lest you pass but an unpleasant time here.” In vain did I name my father, protesting that he ranked among the noble Genoese; they seemed all to have forgotten that there had ever been such a person in existence.
One evening I met a venerable looking old man, who accosted me in a polite and insinuating manner: “my son,” said he, “is it not you who have reason to complain of certain titled personages who have not chosen to acknowledge you for one of their noble blood?” I answered in the affirmative, and told him who was my father. “I recollect him well,” replied the old man, “and there are certainly in this city several of the principal nobles who are his relations. I can even introduce you to a banker who must have been a most intimate friend of your father’s, and who to-morrow, for it is too late to-day, will, I doubt not, be happy to satisfy you in every particular concerning your family. In the mean time,” continued he, “come and take up your lodging at my house: I feel quite indignant at the behaviour of your cousins towards you, who ought rather to have received you with the greatest affection: but follow me, and be assured that the banker will put it in your power to be fully avenged of them for their hard-heartedness.”
I accepted the old man’s offer of a lodging in his house by returning thanks to heaven by so fortunate a rencounter. His appearance was such that I did not in the least mistrust him. He had a good natured serious air, his bald head and white beard rendering his appearance truly venerable; he walked with a staff, and wore a long robe; in fact I looked upon him as another St. Paul. When we arrived at his house, which appeared to me like a magnificent hotel, a servant came to meet him to take off his long robe; but the old gentleman from an excess of politeness would not part with it, but sent the servant away, after having communicated something to him in Italian, which was so much Hebrew to me. He then conducted me into a large parlour, where we conversed concerning the affairs of Spain for above an hour, and from them proceeded insensibly to those of our own family, respecting which he seemed extremely curious, questioning me more particularly concerning my mother; and I answered him in the most cautious manner. This discourse was beginning to grow tedious, when the servant returned; they had another short conversation together in Italian, which I understood no better than the former. But immediately afterwards, the good old man addressed himself to me in Spanish: “I suppose,” said he, “you have of course supped, you must be weary, and it is time to be a bed. We shall meet again in the morning.” Then turning to his servant, “Antonio,” continued he, “shew this gentleman to the finest chamber in the house.”
I had much more inclination to eat than to sleep, for I was literally half dying with hunger; having unfortunately dined very sparingly at my inn that day; for my pistole was just at an end. That I might not, however, presume upon the goodness of an host who seemed so disposed to be of service to me, I followed his servant, as if I had a good bellyful, and was carried through an enfilade of seven or eight rooms paved with alabaster, each vying with the others in magnificence. From thence we entered a gallery which led into a fine chamber in which there was a very rich bed with superb tapestry. “You see your chamber,” said Antonio, “and the bed that is destined for you: none are allowed to sleep here but princes and some few of my master’s nearest relatives.”
After having allowed me to admire the richness of the furniture for a while, this servant offered to undress me, but I declined his assistance for very good reasons; my ragged shirt was by no means in a state to be exhibited; and in addition to this, the rest of my clothes were now of so very fine a texture, that they required a hand more interested in their welfare than his was, to take them off delicately. Either through malice, however, or that he thought I declined his good natured offer merely from politeness, he returned to the charge, and seeming determined to assist me in spite of my teeth, he caught hold of me, and drew off one of my sleeves so suddenly, that had I not prevented him with my other hand, he would undoubtedly have torn it to pieces. I then entreated him in a peevish tone to leave me to my rest, and he prevented my further anger by desisting as I desired. I retired to the side of the bed, threw off my rags which were held together only by a few laces, and jumped into bed, the sheets of which were clean and completely perfumed. This done, I told the servant he might take away the candle. “I am not so inconsiderate,” replied he: “it would be the means of causing you to pass a very uneasy night; for it is very common for large bats, which are very numerous in this country, to conceal themselves in chambers with so lofty a ceiling, and you will be much disturbed by them if you remain without light. Add to this,” continued he, “there are certain evil spirits that frequent the principal houses in this city, by whom you will infallibly be tormented, if you neglect to keep lighted candles in the room, the brightness of which, it is said, they are afraid of.” He told me all this tale with an ingenuous air, and I listened to him with all the credulity of an infant, instead of mistrusting this Antonio, whose knavish countenance ought to have been sufficient to have excited my suspicions.
No sooner had he left the chamber, than I got out of bed and bolted the door, less from fear of being robbed, than in the hope of thus securing myself from the persecution of the aforesaid spirits. Considering myself then in perfect safety, I lay down again, and reflected on the benevolence of my venerable landlord. So far from suspecting him of any bad design, which, had I possessed a little more experience, I should not have failed to have done, I represented to myself that he could be no other than one of my nearest relatives, who had not chosen to make himself known to me over night, that he might surprise me the more agreeably in the morning. “I would lay a good wager,” said I to myself, “that when I wake to-morrow morning, I shall find a tailor in waiting to take measure of me for a fine suit of clothes. I may rest assured that in future I shall never want for any thing, and that I have not lost my labour in coming to Italy.” Flattered by these agreeable thoughts, my senses were beguiled by degrees into a most profound sleep.
Although Antonio had told me that the evil spirits were so averse to light, my candles did not secure me from the persecution of four figures in the shape of so many devils who entered my chamber. It was some time before I heard the noise created by these demons; but as it was very far from their intention to respect my repose, they advanced towards the bed, drew the curtains, two of them seized me by the arms, and the other two by the legs, and dragged me out of bed. At length I awoke; and finding myself thus dangling in the air in the clutches of four devils, I was so terribly frightened that I was more dead than alive. They were each habited exactly as the devil is represented; with huge long tails, frightful vizards, and horns on their heads. I had just sufficient sense remaining in me to invoke the assistance of some Saint whose name occurred to me at the moment. But had I offered up prayers, they would have been equally unavailing. These apparitions were not to be driven from their purpose; exorcisms even would have been useless, for the devils that I had to deal with had been baptized. They placed me in one of my blankets, and each taking a corner, began to toss me in the air with such violence, that they threw me to the ceiling at every toss, against which I expected every moment that either my head or one of my arms would have been broken. But they contented themselves with only bruising me, though they did not cease to make me vault in this manner until they were completely fatigued, or rather until their noses informed them that my fear grew laxative. They then placed me in bed again, covered me over as they found me, extinguished the light, and vanished the same way as they had entered.
In this pitiable condition I remained until day-break; and with the most dreadful sensation of fear still on my mind, I made an effort to get up, with the intention of hastening as quickly as possible out of a house where the duties of hospitality had been so scurvily fulfilled. But I could not rise, or dress myself without the greatest difficulty and pain, the cause of which I could not remember without bestowing a thousand curses on the old rascal who had caused me to be thus cruelly treated. He no longer seemed to me that personage so worthy of veneration, no longer that benevolent character the meeting with whom had so much delighted me, but an old sorcerer, destined to be damned from the creation of the world.
Before I quitted the chamber, I was curious to know how these malignant spirits could have entered it. I first examined the door, and finding it still bolted as I had left it before I fell asleep, I could not reasonably imagine that they had found their way to me by that means. But having lifted up the hangings, I perceived a large window covered by them, which opened into the gallery. This was still open, the apparitions not having taken the trouble to close it after them. I made not the least noise, lest there should be something still in reserve for me, and thought of nothing but how to extricate myself from this cursed place. I had already left the room with this view, when I met Antonio in the gallery, who informed me that his master was waiting for me at the nearest church. All the answer I made was to request him to shew me to the street-door, which he did with as much sang-froid as if he had not been one of the goblins who had amused themselves so much at my expence. I no sooner got out of doors, than I scampered off as if I had not a bruise about me. What wonderful strength is imparted by fear! I ran as fast as my legs would carry me.
As soon as I considered myself in perfect safety, my hunger, which had been suspended for a while by fear, became such, that I was obliged to satisfy it by buying some baked meat and a slice of bread, which I amused myself with eating as I walked along. I did not stop till I had got quite out of the city, and then seeing a tavern before me, I went in and drank a glass of good wine. This so completely reanimated my courage, that after a slight repast, I was able to set out again, taking the road towards Rome, reflecting on the affectionate reception I had met with from my relations, and especially from my old friend. I made a solemn oath never to forget the detestable night that this grey bearded old wolf had allured me under his roof, for which I resolved to be fully avenged on him the very first opportunity.
I travelled some distance from Genoa, without so much as turning my head once towards that city, as though I feared that the sight of it would have petrified me. I resembled one of those who escaped from the battle of Roncesvalles; I walked on without having any determined route, though it was my wish to go to Rome. At length I reached a town about ten miles from Genoa, where I stopped some hours to rest myself, and spent what remained of my pistole. Then resigning myself entirely into the hands of Providence, I resumed my journey.
It was well for me that I had been accustomed to misfortunes, and that I had already made some progress in the art of begging. What would have become of me without this resource? I should have been much to be pitied. Any one that possesses the talent of exciting his neighbour’s charity may travel all over Italy without money. I must render this justice to Italy, that no nation in the world has more charity in it. In proof of which assertion, I reached Rome without spending a single sous of all the money that I was able to collect on the road, and which I carefully reserved. In the different villages through which I passed I had more meat and bread given me than I could possibly consume. Mendicity in that country is a fine resource for persons of spirit in bad circumstances who cannot make up their minds to be industrious. For my own part, I was so naturally inclined to that trade that I wished for no better. I must confess that when I found myself in the capital of the Catholic World with money enough in my pocket to buy a new suit of clothes, I was at first somewhat tempted to employ it that way, with design to offer my services to some nobleman; but I had courage enough to resist this desire, which I considered in no other light than as a temptation of the devil.
“Oh! Oh! Guzman,” said I to myself, “do you wish to give yourself the same airs here as at Toledo; suppose, when you have expended all your little hoard in dress, you should be so unlucky as to find no one willing to employ you, who do you think will feed you, my friend? do you imagine that a fine new coat is likely to excite charity? undeceive yourself. You will be more likely to fare better in your present dress. Be wise, and rather endeavour to profit by your old follies than to seek after new ones. Be contented as you are, and do not resume your former vanities.” Reasoning with myself in this manner, I tied up my purse with a double knot, and addressing myself to the money within it: “Remain thus secure,” said I, “until I find a better opportunity of making thee useful.”
I began then to traverse the streets of Rome in my rags, soliciting alms like one who believed himself a master in the art, but who was in reality a mere apprentice in comparison with the professors of that country. Among these was a young fellow, who remarking the manner of begging that I adopted, found that I required a few lessons, which he was kind enough to give me. We associated together; and to render me useful to the society, he taught me the different manners and the several tones in which alms should be asked of different people, and that the same speech would not always do. “Men,” said he, “are not in the least affected by the plaintive and lamentable tones adopted by most beggars. They will be much more likely to put their hands in their pockets, when you implore their assistance boldly for God’s sake.” “As for women,” continued he, “as some pay their devotions to the Holy Virgin, and others to our lady of the Rosary, it is by one of these that we wheedle them. It has frequently a good effect also to pray that they may be preserved from all mortal sin, from false witnesses, the power of traitors, and from slanderous tongues: such wishes as these, pronounced in energetic terms, and in an impressive tone of voice, will almost always make their purses fly open to assist you.”
He taught me moreover how to excite the compassion of the rich; and what is still more difficult of professed devotees. In a word, he gave me such good instructions, and I made so good a use of them, that I soon received more money than I could spend. I was already perfectly acquainted with Rome, from the Pope down to the very lowest scullion in the city. For fear of troubling my customers too often, I divided the city into seven parts, allotting one for every day in the week. I never failed to present myself at the several churches on holidays, where I was sure to pick up something. As to the pieces of bread that were usually given at doors of private houses, I sold what I did not want to distressed objects who were ashamed to beg, but who, by being relieved in private by the faithful, were well able to pay for what they bought of me. Country people and others, who made it their business to fatten fowls and hogs, were also frequent purchasers; but the spicecake makers were my best customers. I likewise made something considerable by the old rags which were given me by charitable persons who could not without pity see a lad of my age almost naked, especially in winter.
Having by this time become acquainted with the first professors in the art of begging, I was now perfect master of the trade, by following their directions and example. It happened one day that about thirty of our fraternity were collected before the door of the Ambassador of France, where I heard one of my comrades behind me cry, “Look at that Spanish glutton there, he’ll certainly spoil our trade. When once his guts are well filled with the soup or meat that is given him, he declines taking any more; this it is that ruins our business. By these means, people will be apt to think that poor people like us have too much given them.” One of our veterans, who knew me, overhearing this, said to the beggar who uttered this complaint, “Peace, comrade, do you not see that this novice is a stranger who is not yet acquainted with our regulations. Leave him to me, and I will undertake to instruct him. He is a pretty apt scholar, I assure you, and will in a very short time be a match for any of us.”
After having thus taken my part, he called me aside in a low voice, and asked me several questions; as, in what part of Spain I was born? what was my name, and how long I had been at Rome? When I had answered all these queries in a very laconic style, he proceeded to represent to me, but in a very mild manner, the mutual feeling that beggars were bound to observe towards each other, that a proper decorum might be supported among them; that they ought to be so united as to play into each other’s hands like brother pick-pockets in a fair. From thence entering into a long detail, he revealed so many secrets to me as soon convinced me how inferior I was to these great men. Amongst other things which I had never yet heard of, he taught me how to enlarge my stomach, so as to be able to eat four times as much as usual, without incommoding myself; not forgetting to recommend me, never to eat before people, without effecting extreme greediness, for he assured me, it was most essential to persuade them that beggars are dying with hunger. He concluded by informing me at what hours I should be sure to be at such and such places: that in some houses I might venture to enter the kitchen, and even as far as the parlour; but that in others I must not dare to enter the door.
I now thought that he had completely exhausted the subject, but all these things were nothing in comparison with the begging-laws, which he made me read at his own house, whither he led me, as soon as the alms of the French Ambassador were distributed. He did not content himself by allowing me merely to read these admirable regulations, but insisted on my taking a copy of them, that by being well acquainted with them, I might never again infringe them in so shameful a manner. I have not thought myself bound, friendly reader, to withhold these statutes, which I shall communicate to you as they were presented to me. If there be any who have no wish to have the manners of low life depicted to them, is it just that I should accommodate myself to their excessive delicacy, and withdraw a picture which may afford much pleasure to others?
As beggars of every nation are distinguished from each other by their different modes of imploring alms; as the Germans beg by singing, and in troops, the French by their praying, the Flemings by their respectful bowings, the Bohemians by fortune telling, the Portuguese by their crying, the Italians by long harangues, the English by abusing, and the Spaniards by their haughty growlings: we hereby command them all to observe the following Statutes under pain of our heavy displeasure.
1. We forbid any lame or wounded beggar, of whatever nation he be, to appear in the quarters frequented by others full of health and vigour, on account of the advantage they will have over the latter. We also ordain, that all such as are in perfect health, form no manner of connexion with blind men, field-preachers, mountebanks, poets, musicians, redeemed captives, nor even with old soldiers that have escaped from a rout, or seamen saved from a shipwreck. For although it is generally allowed, that all these must subsist by imploring charity, their manners of begging being different, it is necessary that each society keep to its own particular rules.
2. We ordain that beggars have certain taverns assigned them in every country, where shall preside three or four of their ancients with staves in their hands as emblems of their authority. Which said ancients are hereby empowered to canvass, in the aforesaid taverns, all the affairs of the world, and to give their opinions as freely as they please. At the same time, we permit the other beggars to relate their own heroic exploits, as well as those of their ancestors, and even to illustrate the conversation by boasting of battles they were never in.
3. We command, that every beggar carry a good cudgel in his hand, with a spike at the end of it if possible, to be provided against emergencies, lest they repent of their neglect.
4. That each beggar take especial care never to presume to wear any thing new; that all his clothes be worn out, torn, or patched; nothing bringing more scandal on our profession than begging in good clothes. Be it, however, well understood, that if in the exercise of his professional duties, a beggar chance to obtain some new garment, he is at liberty to deck himself out in it for that day, but no longer. We positively will, and command, that he dispose of it the following morning.
5. To prevent any dispute that may arise between comrades for certain posts, we ordain that the more ancient possessor prevail and take precedence, without regard to persons.
6. It is permitted that two infirm or sick persons beg in company, if they please, and call each other brothers; provided they beg by turns and in a different tone, the one beginning where the other leaves off. They are to keep opposite each other on different sides of the street, each singing his own misfortunes; they may afterwards divide their profits as they please.
7. It is permitted that a beggar wear an old dish-clout round his head in winter instead of a bonnet, that while he is protected from the cold, he may at the same time appear an invalid. He is likewise at liberty to walk with crutches, or to have one leg tied up behind him.
8. Every beggar may have a purse and a pocket, but must receive alms in their hats only.
9. We command, that no beggar be so indiscreet as to divulge any of the mysteries of our trade to any but such as belong to our Society.
10. Should any beggar be so fortunate as to discover any new trick in the art of begging, he shall be obliged to communicate the same to the company, which ought to enjoy in common the benefit arising from the genius of any of its members. As a recompence, however, to the inventor, and to stimulate his genius to new discoveries, we decree that he have an exclusive privilege to make the most of his device for three months; during which time we peremptorily forbid any other belonging to our fraternity from interfering with his practice, under pain of confiscating to his use all the profits that may be derived therefrom.
11. We exhort the members of this Society freely and faithfully to make known to each other all the houses where they know that either private or public alms are likely to be dispensed; especially those in which gaming or courting is going forward, for in such places large receipts are certain.
12. We command, that no beggar presume to keep or lead about with him any hunting, setting, or other dogs; blind men only being allowed to be conducted by a little cur with a string round its neck. This prohibition is not meant to extend to such of our fraternity as may chance to possess dogs of talent. These may be allowed to exhibit their performances as usual, by making their dogs dance or jump through hoops; but they must not presume to take their station at a church-door, where other beggars of the Society may be assembled, on account of the great advantage they will have over them.
13. We command, that no beggar venture to buy meat or fish in the market on his own account, except in a case of extreme necessity, as very ill consequences may arise from so doing.
14. We permit all such beggars as have no children of their own to hire as many as four to lead about with them into the churches on festivals; these should not be above five years old, and, if possible, should appear to be twins. If a female conduct them, she should never fail to have one always at her breast; and if a man, he must be sure to carry one on his arm, and lead the other by the hand.
15. We command, that those beggars who have any children, instruct them, up to the age of six years, in the best mode of making collections in churches; that, after having taught them to ask charity for their father and mother who lie on their beds at home most dangerously ill, they allow them to go alone, though it were better not entirely to lose sight of them. As soon, however, as these children shall have attained their seventh year, we command that they be left to shift for themselves, as being already majors, and that their parents be content to restrict and compel them to return home at stipulated hours.
16. Beggars of the old stamp, who consider it a point of honor to walk in the footsteps of their ancestors who have trained them to the profession of begging, will never allow their children to take any other trade than their own, nor to degrade themselves by entering into the service of any one; and if these children wish to be thought worthy of their parents, they will hold every other condition in abhorrence.
17. Although Idleness be the principal divinity worshipped by us beggars, we, nevertheless, think proper to prescribe certain hours of rising. Every one should dress and turn out by seven o’clock in winter, and by five in summer, or even sooner, if he feel so disposed; and should be in bed again by the same hour in the evening, except on extraordinary occasions, and according to the directions of the veterans of the Society.
18. Be for ever declared infamous, and banished from our Society, all such as shall presume to steal, harbour stolen goods, strip little children, or commit any such villanies.
19. As it is our wish that all young persons who embark in our profession be treated favorably, we will and ordain, that, for the future, any brother who shall have attained the age of twelve years shall be obliged to pass a noviciate of three years only instead of five; and we insist that after the said term of three years he be considered a graduate in the profession, and as a subject who has duly complied with and fulfilled all the laws of our institution.
20. At the same time we require of the said brother that he make oath never to desert our Society, but continue attached to it, and never think of withdrawing himself from our service without our especial leave; promising to pay due submission and obedience to our statutes, under pain of our highest displeasure.