And shall I then the Fact deny?
I was,—thou know’st,—I was begone,
Like him who fill’d the Eastern Throne,
To whom the Watcher cried aloud[16];
That royal Wretch of Babylon,
Who was so guilty and so proud.
Like him with haughty, stubborn Mind,
I, in my State, my Comforts sought;
Delight and Praise I hop’d to find,
In what I builded, planted, bought!
Oh! Arrogance! by Misery taught—
Soon came a Voice! I felt it come;
“Full be his Cup, with Evil fraught,
“Dæmons his Guides, and Death his Doom!”
Then was I cast from out my State;
Two Fiends of Darkness led my Way;
They wak’d me early, watch’d me late,
My Dread by Night, my Plague by Day!
Oh! I was made their Sport, their Play,
Through many a stormy troubled Year,
And how they us’d their passive Prey,
Is sad to tell: but you shall hear.
And first, before they sent me forth,
Through this unpitying World to run,
They robb’d Sir Eustace of his Worth,
Lands, Manors, Lordships, every one;
So was that gracious Man undone,
Was spurn’d as vile, was scorn’d as poor,
Whom every former Friend would shun,
And Menials drove from every Door.
Then those ill-favour’d Ones[17], whom none
But my unhappy Eyes could view,
Led me, with wild Emotion on,
And, with resistless Terror, drew.
Through Lands we fled, o’er Seas we flew,
And halted on a boundless Plain;
Where nothing fed, nor breath’d nor grew,
But Silence rul’d the still Domain.
Upon that boundless Plain, below,
The setting Sun’s last Rays were shed,
And gave a mild and sober Glow,
Where all were still, asleep or dead;
Vast Ruins in the midst were spread,
Pillars and Pediments sublime,
Where the grey Moss had form’d a Bed,
And cloth’d the crumbling Spoils of Time.
There was I fix’d, I know not how,
Condemn’d for untold Years to stay;
Yet Years were not;—one dreadful Now,
Endur’d no Change of Night or Day;
The same mild Evening’s sleeping Ray,
Shone softly-solemn and serene.
And all that time, I gaz’d away,
The setting Sun’s sad Rays were seen.
At length a Moment’s Sleep stole on,—
Again came my commission’d Foes;
Again through Sea and Land we’re gone,
No Peace, no Respite, no Repose;
Above the dark broad Sea we rose,
We ran through bleak and frozen Land;
I had no Strength, their Strength t’ oppose,
An Infant in a Giant’s hand.
They plac’d me where those Streamers play,
Those nimble Beams of brilliant Light;
It would the stoutest Heart dismay,
To see, to feel, that dreadful Sight:
So swift, so pure, so cold, so bright,
They pierc’d my Frame with icy Wound,
And all that half-year’s polar Night,
Those dancing Streamers wrapt me round.
Slowly that Darkness pass’d away,
When down upon the Earth I fell,—
Some hurried Sleep, was mine by day;
But soon as toll’d the Evening Bell,
They forc’d me on, where-ever dwell
Far-distant Men in Cities fair,
Cities of whom no Travellers tell,
Nor Feet but mine were Wanderers there.
Their Watchmen stare, and stand aghast,
As on we hurry through the dark;
The Watch-light blinks, as we go past,
The Watch-dog shrinks and fears to bark;
The Watch-tower’s Bell sounds shrill; and, hark!
The free Wind blows—we’ve left the Town—
A wide Sepulchral Ground I mark,
And on a Tomb-stone place me down.
What Monuments of mighty Dead!
What Tombs of various kinds are found!
And Stones erect, their Shadows shed,
On humble Graves, with Wickers bound;
Some risen fresh, above the Ground,
Some level with the native Clay,
What sleeping Millions wait the Sound,
“Arise, ye Dead, and come away!”
Alas! they stay not for that Call;
Spare me this Woe! ye Dæmons, spare!—
They come! the shrowded Shadows all,—
’Tis more than mortal Brain can bear!
Rustling they rise, they sternly glare
At Man upheld by vital Breath;
Who led by wicked Fiends should dare
To join the shadowy Troops of Death!
Yes! I have felt all Man can feel,
Till he shall pay his Nature’s Debt;
Ills that no Hope has Strength to heal,
No Mind the Comfort to forget:
Whatever Cares the Heart can fret,
The Spirits wear, the Temper gall;
Woe, Want, Dread, Anguish, all beset
My sinful Soul!—together all!
Those Fiends, upon a shaking Fen,
Fix’d me, in dark tempestuous Night;
There never trod the Foot of Men,
There flock’d the Fowl in wint’ry Flight;
There danc’d the Moor’s deceitful Light,
Above the Pool where Sedges grow;
And when the Morning-Sun shone bright,
It shone upon a Field of Snow.
They hung me on a Bough, so small,
The Rook could build her Nest no higher;
They fix’d me on the trembling Ball,
That crowns the Steeple’s quiv’ring Spire;
They set me where the Seas retire,
But drown with their returning Tide;
And made me flee the Mountain’s Fire,
When rolling from its burning Side.
I’ve hung upon the ridgy Steep
Of Cliffs, and held the rambling Brier;
I’ve plung’d below the billowy Deep,
Where Air was sent me to respire;
I’ve been where hungry Wolves retire;
And (to complete my Woes) I’ve ran,
Where Bedlam’s crazy Crew conspire
Against the Life of reasoning Man.
I’ve furl’d in Storms the flapping Sail,
By banging from the Top-mast-head;
I’ve serv’d the vilest Slaves in Jail,
And pick’d the Dunghill’s Spoil for Bread;
I’ve made the Badger’s Hole my Bed,
I’ve wander’d with a Gipsey Crew,
I’ve dreaded all the Guilty dread,
And done what they would fear to do.
On Sand where ebbs and flows the Flood,
Midway they plac’d and bade me die;
Propt on my Staff, I stoutly stood
When the swift Waves came rolling by;
And high they rose, and still more high,
Till my Lips drank the bitter Brine;
I sobb’d convuls’d, then cast mine Eye
And saw the Tide’s re-flowing Sign.
And then, my Dreams were such as nought
Could yield but my unhappy Case;
I’ve been of thousand Devils caught,
And thrust into that horrid Place,
Where reign Dismay, Despair, Disgrace;
Furies with iron Fangs were there,
To torture that accursed Race,
Doom’d to Dismay, Disgrace, Despair.
Harmless I was; yet hunted down
For Treasons, to my Soul unfit;
I’ve been pursued through many a Town,
For Crimes that petty Knaves commit:
I’ve been adjudg’d t’ have lost my Wit,
Because I preach’d so loud and well,
And thrown into the Dungeon’s Pit,
For trampling on the Pit of Hell.
Such were the Evils, Man of Sin,
That I was fated to sustain;
And add to all, without—within,
A Soul defil’d with every Stain,
That Man’s reflecting Mind can pain;
That Pride, Wrong, Rage, Despair can make;
In fact, they’d nearly touch’d my Brain,
And Reason on her Throne would shake.
But Pity will the vilest seek,
If punish’d Guilt will not repine,—
I heard an heavenly Teacher speak,
And felt the Sun of Mercy shine:
I hail’d the Light! the Birth divine!
And then was seal’d among the few;
Those angry Fiends beheld the Sign;
And from me in an instant flew.
Come hear how thus, the Charmers cry,
To wandering Sheep the Strays of Sin;
While some the Wicket-gate pass by,
And some will knock and enter in;
Full joyful ’tis a Soul to win,
For he that winneth Souls is wise;
Now hark! the holy Strains begin,
And thus the sainted Preacher cries[18]:—
“Pilgrim burthen’d with thy Sin,
“Come the way to Zion’s Gate,
“There, till Mercy lets thee in,
“Knock and weep and watch and wait.
“Knock!—He knows the Sinner’s Cry;
“Weep!—He loves the Mourner’s Tears:
“Watch!—for, saving Grace is nigh:
“Wait,—till heavenly Light appears.”
“Hark! it is the Bridegroom’s Voice:
“Welcome, Pilgrim, to thy Rest;
“Now within the Gate rejoice,
“Safe and seal’d and bought and blest!
“Safe—from all the Lures of Vice,
“Seal’d—by Signs the Chosen know,
“Bought by Love and Life the Price,
“Blest—the mighty Debt to owe.
“Holy Pilgrim! what for thee,
“In a World like this remain?
“From thy guarded Breast shall flee,
“Fear and Shame, and Doubt and Pain.
“Fear—the Hope of Heaven shall fly,
“Shame—from Glory’s View retire,
“Doubt—in certain Rapture die,
“Pain—in endless Bliss expire.”
But though my Day of Grace was come,
Yet still my Days of Grief I find;
The former Clouds’ collected Gloom,
Still sadden the reflecting Mind;
The Soul to evil Things consign’d,
Will of their Evil some retain;
The Man will seem to Earth inclin’d,
And will not look erect again.
Thus, though elect, I feel it hard,
To lose what I possess’d before,
To be from all my Wealth debarr’d,—
The brave Sir Eustace is no more;
But old I wax and passing poor,
Stern, rugged Men my Conduct view;
They chide my Wish, they bar my Door,
’Tis hard—I weep—you see I do.—
Must you, my Friends, no longer stay?
Thus quickly all my Pleasures end?
But I’ll remember, when I pray,
My kind Physician and his Friend;
And those sad Hours, you deign to spend
With me, I shall requite them all;
Sir Eustace for his Friends shall send,
And thank their Love at Greyling Hall.