At the time when the two ladies had so happily and sagaciously decided this very complication, the Imperial Procurator, with his always impassible countenance, heavy eyebrows, and winking eyes, entered the reception-room, and was immediately ushered into the presence of the two intimate friends. Both ladies, as if for a wager, endeavoured to explain to him, at the same time, all the particulars of Tchichikoff's conspiracy; they spoke to him of the sale and purchase of dead serfs, of the projected elopement with the Lord-Lieutenant's daughter, so that they completely confused his judgment; he stood there as if riveted to the spot, winking his left eye more than his right, and passing his pocket-handkerchief across his face and nose, wiping off the snuff; but he could understand absolutely nothing.
The two ladies left the Imperial Procurator thus standing, and went to carry the news, and create a revolution in the ancient town of Smolensk. This enterprise they succeeded in carrying out in no less than half-an-hour. The town was soon in a perfect uproar; every one was soon revolutionised, but nobody could understand anything about the cause. The two ladies spread such a mist over the eyes of all, that all, especially the civilians, became, as it were, petrified for some time.
Their position, in the first moments, was similar to that of a sleepy schoolboy, whose comrades, taking advantage of his somnolence, had risen earlier, and placed an hussar in his nose, namely, a small paper cornet, containing snuff. Whilst fast asleep, he inhales all the snuff through his nostrils with the ease of a snorer; he awakens suddenly, jumps from his bed, looks about like a fool, rubs his eyes repeatedly, and cannot make out where he is, and what has happened to him; he then only perceives that it is late, and that the rays of the sun are shining brightly on the wall of his room; he hears the laughter of his school-fellows, hiding themselves in the corners, the daylight entering his window, shining over the dark forest in the distance—hears the thousand voices of birds gaily humming in the garden—sees the silvery stream beneath, with its pleasant footpaths, planted on either side with their tall poplars—beholds numerous other little children playing about, and ready to plunge into the water for a bath; and then only, and at last, he feels convinced that he has had a hussar placed in his nose.
Such was exactly, at first, the position of all the inhabitants of any note in the town of Smolensk on that eventful morning. Every one of them stopped suddenly short like sheep, and opened their eyes widely. Dead serfs, the Lord-Lieutenant's daughter, and Tchichikoff were continually buzzing round them, and confusing their heads in a most extraordinary manner; and, later only, after the first stupefaction was over, they seemed to distinguish and separate the one from the other. They began to question themselves and feel angry, because they saw that they could not explain the affair to themselves any way.
"What does this parable really mean? what parable are these dead serfs? there is no logic in dead serfs, how could any one think of buying dead serfs? where could such a fool be met with, and for what speculation could he purchase them and thus invest his capital? and to what end and for what purpose could dead serfs be made available? and why is the Lord-Lieutenant's daughter mixed up in the affair? If he intended eloping with his Excellency's daughter, why can he have bought these dead serfs? and if he wanted only to purchase dead serfs, why should he want to run away with his Excellency's daughter? surely, he did not intend to present her with dead serfs at their nuptials! But what is the nonsense they have now spread all over the town? what is the meaning for all this? for scarcely has a person had time to turn and look about, when they already concoct a whole history on his account; well and good if there was any sense in it—however, they have spread the news, and certainly there must be something at the bottom of it. But what cause, what reason can there be for these dead serfs? I really cannot see any reason or cause for them whatever. It is really bewildering! maddening!"
In a word, there was a talk about it all over the town, a regular round of talking, about the dead serfs and his Excellency's daughter, about Tchichikoff and the dead serfs, about his Excellency's daughter and Tchichikoff, and all was soon in a maze. It seemed that the hitherto slumbering town rose like a buoyant whirlpool. All the old home-keeping men and women, who had not divested themselves of their morning-gowns nor had been in the streets, heaven knows for how long time, now suddenly began to stir about and swear, the one at the tailor for having made his coat too narrow, the other at the bootmaker for having made his boots too tight, a third at the neglect and drunkenness of his servants, and so forth.
All those who had long ceased to receive or go into company, and were known only accidentally to each other, now suddenly made their appearance again in the world, as if they had risen from the dead; in fact, all those who could not even be enticed with turtle soup or a sturgeon feast, or with any other dainties that melted in the mouth; in a word, it was now proved beyond a doubt that the ancient town of Smolensk was a large and well populated town. The streets were crowded with old-fashioned droschkies of every description—in a word, the porridge began to boil over.
At another time, and under different circumstances, similar reports would not have attracted the least attention; but the town of Smolensk had been, as it was for some time, deprived of any novelty. Three months had passed away without the occurrence of anything like commérage, which, as it is well-known, is to a town as necessary as supplies to an army. In the circles of the gossips of Smolensk, there arose suddenly two perfectly distinct opinions, and in consequence two perfectly distinct parties were formed; the party of the men and the party of the women.
The party of the men, the most foolish of the two, turned their attention to the dead serfs. The party of the women again, busied themselves exclusively with the elopement of the Lord-Lieutenant's daughter. In the party formed by the women, we must observe to the credit of the ladies, that there was considerably more order, regularity, and perspicuity. They seem to have been born to be excellent and careful managers. All soon assumed with them a lively and orderly appearance, presented itself in distinct and visible forms, explained itself, freed itself from every doubt; in a word, all seemed as perfect as a picture.
It was proved that Tchichikoff had already been in love with the fair girl for some time, and that they had met by appointment on several occasions at night in the garden by moonlight, and that his Excellency himself would have consented to their marriage, because Tchichikoff was as rich as a Jewish banker, if it had not been for Tchichikoff's wife, whom he had deserted (how they had managed to find out that our hero was married, no one could tell), and that his wife, who was tormented by an unreciprocated passion for him, had addressed the most entreating letter to the Lord-Lieutenant, and that Tchichikoff, finding that the father and mother would never consent to their union, determined upon an elopement.
In some other circles, the same affair was commented upon with a few slight deviations. It was said that Tchichikoff had no wife at all, but that he, as a clever man of the world, and determined to carry his object, undertook, with the object in view, of obtaining the hand of the daughter, to make the beginning with the mother, and that there existed between them a secret sentimental liaison, and after this success with the mother, he had stepped forward to demand the hand of the daughter; but the mother, fearing or alarmed lest an offence against religious principles might be committed, and feeling within her own heart the pangs of remorse, refused his demand peremptorily, and that in consequence of this refusal, Tchichikoff had determined upon an elopement. To all this, were added many explanations and improvements as the reports spread by degrees, until at last they were known and commented upon, even in the narrowest streets of Smolensk.
The lower classes of society, in Russia at least, are very fond of talking of the affairs of the more elevated classes, and for that reason, the same subject was even discussed in such houses where the inhabitants had never heard, or seen anything of Tchichikoff before, and of course they made new additions and improvements. The subject became every moment more and more embellished, and every new day added considerably to the perfections of its forms, until at last it was transmitted with all its perfections to the ears of her Excellency, the wife of the Lord-Lieutenant of Smolensk.
Her Excellency, as a mother of a family, as the first lady in the town, ultimately as a lady who never suspected or anticipated anything similar, felt perfectly insulted by these rumours, and legitimately flew into a passion.
The unhappy blondine had to submit to a very unpleasant tête-à-tête, indeed such a one as perhaps a young girl of sixteen years of age, never underwent before. Streams of questions rapidly flowed from the lips of the angry mother, followed in succession by strict examination, reproaches, threats and exhortations, so that the poor young girl began to cry bitterly without being able to understand a word of the real causes of her mother's anger and indignation.
The porter at the lodge also received positive instructions never to admit for the future, under any circumstances or pretences, the gentleman calling himself Tchichikoff.
Having, as it were, finished their affair with her Excellency, the ladies felt inclined to join the party of the gentlemen, with the view of bringing them round to their own opinion, and they continued to affirm that the alleged purchase of dead serfs was nothing else but a scheme to divert attention from his real intentions, and thus more successfully to accomplish the projected elopement.
Many of the gentlemen were even gained over, and persuaded to join the female party, notwithstanding the bitter reproaches that were addressed to them by their own party and comrades, who called them old women and petticoat worshippers, which allegations, as is well known, are very offensive to any gentleman.
But, however strong and obstinate the remaining coalition of the men was, their party was far from being so well organised as that of the ladies. With them all was somehow irregular, rough, loose, not well at all; their heads were full of confusion, partiality, contradiction; their thoughts tormented by doubts and suspicions—in a word, the, in every respect, empty nature of the men appeared to be in the greatest disorder, a naturel, at the same time rough and heavy, unfit for household matters, nor for the more tender impressions of the heart, suspicious, indolent, full of continual doubts and eternal apprehensions.
They maintained most obstinately that all was stuff and nonsense, that the elopement with his Excellency's daughter was more likely to be undertaken by a dashing hussar, but not by a peaceable civilian; and that Tchichikoff was not the man to carry out such a plan, so full of madness; that the women were all silly, and had got up a false alarm; that the real object upon which they had to turn their exclusive attention were the dead serfs themselves, for it was with them that the secret lay buried; but what this secret was, the devil alone knew, at any rate in their opinion, it was something awful. Why it was so dreadful, so awful, in' the opinion of the gentlemen, we shall know at once.
By a decree of his Majesty the Emperor Nicholas I, another Lord-Lieutenant, or Governor had been appointed for the province of Smolensk, and the present one recalled to St. Petersburgh; such an ukase causes in Russia a thorough change of administration and appointments, and for this reason it had the most alarming effect upon the nervous and moral system of the Imperial employés; Courts of Inquiries would be held in all branches of administration, many of them had the prospect before them of being dismissed, whilst others ran the risk of seeing themselves utterly stripped of their little profits under the new head of administration.
And really, some of them thought, "if the new Governor was to know all our little trespasses, it would be quite sufficient to effect our complete disgrace, and perhaps even banishment would be the consequence." The Superintendent of the Imperial Hospitals grew suddenly pale; heaven knows what thoughts flashed across his mind; did these dead serfs mean, perhaps, that all those people who died lately in great numbers from cholera and various fevers in the Imperial Hospitals and other places, for want of proper and careful sanitary measures, and was Tchichikoff, by chance, an Imperial Attorney, or Commissioner sent by the Governor-General to hold a secret Court of Inquiry.
He communicated this opinion to the President of the Council. The President answered that this supposition was absurd, and then immediately grew pale himself as he put to himself the following question:
"But if these serfs whom Tchichikoff has been purchasing were really dead, he has caused us all to legalise the transaction, and has obliged me to sign the contract of sale as Pluschkin's agent, and if the whole transaction is reported with all its particulars to the Governor-General, how then? And if the Governor-General lays all the particulars of this transaction before His Majesty the Emperor? I shudder at the thought."
He communicated these apprehensions to the one and to the other, and immediately after, the one and the other grew pale as death. Fear is like a contagious disorder; it communicates itself in an instant. All the Imperial employés suddenly discovered in themselves such transgressions as did not even exist in reality. The words "dead serfs" spread fear and terror all around, which were instantaneously communicated to all who were even in the slightest degree compromised in the transaction; they began also to suspect that it might be an allusion to some recent occurrences in which a few peasants died suddenly, and were buried hurriedly without an inquest being held on their bodies.
The first occurrence was an encounter between some tradesmen from Great Novgorod and some men of the same calling from Little or Nishni-Novogorod, who had come to visit the fair held at that time in Smolensk. After having done a good business in town, the Great Novogorodians gave a regular Russian feast to their friends the little Novogorodians, seasoned with all the foreign improvements of kitchen and cellar. The feast, however, ended in a regular fight The petty jealousies existing between these two very important towns determined the Little Novogorodians to resent an old quarrel which had been brought again on the tapis as regarded the pre-eminence of the two towns, in a commercial sense. They rushed upon the Great Novogorodians, determined to have their lives; but the result was, that they got fearfully ill-used by the Great Novogorodians, who disfigured their heads, faces and sides in a most merciless manner, and proved that the fists of some of the defunct Great Novogorodians were of an extraordinary size and hardness.
One of the defeated combatants had fared very badly indeed, and narrowly escaped losing his life; however, he had got off only after having had his nose flattened like a crumpet, so much so indeed that there remained but a vestige of a nose on his face. The merchants confessed to the authorities that they had been only jesting; but it was rumoured about that in this serious conflict, four of the Imperial peacemongers had lost their lives. However, the real loss of life was kept in the dark, and the inquiries that were held by the proper authorities went to show that the deceased Novogorodians had died from the effects of suffocation and they were at once buried as suffocated people.
The other occurrence, which happened nearly at the same time, was the following: Some crown serfs (property of the Emperor) of the not unimportant village of Vladomirsk, had joined their brethren and neighbours in the adjoining village of Volkonsk, for the purpose of taking revenge upon an imperial steward, who resided between the two villages, and who not only ill-treated them in the most barbarous manner, but even seduced by threats and intimidation, their wives and daughters. This same imperial steward, Drobriaschkin by name, had been observed to pay too frequent visits in both villages, and at unusual hours, which was thought highly improper by the peasants for an imperial manager, and head of the country police. It, therefore, seemed to them that their magistrate had too many weaknesses for their wives and daughters.
However, nothing positive could be proved against him, although the imperial serfs had stated in their depositions, that they had seen their magistrate roaming about in the neighbourhood like a cat, and that they had more than once given him fair warning, and that on one occasion they had even beaten and driven him out of the hut of one of their worthiest elders, where he had stealthily entered, Heaven knows for what purpose. The magistrate merited, of course, chastisement for the weaknesses of his heart, and ought not to have imagined, that because he was an imperial manager, he could presume to trample upon the affections of imperial serfs; on the other hand again, the peasants of the imperial villages of Vladomirsk and Volkonsk, could also not have been justified in murdering their magistrate for his weaknesses of the heart, provided the charge could have been proved against one or all of them.
However, this occurrence also remained in the dark, because all matters in which the police and people of high rank are interested, remain in Russia usually enveloped in darkness; nevertheless, the country magistrate, the imperial manager, was found murdered on the high road, his official coat was torn into rags, and as for his face and body, it was perfectly impossible to identify them as having once harboured the haughty and tyrannical soul of a Dobriaschkin.
The whole occurrence, with all its particulars, was thrown into the proper courts of justice, and ultimately transmitted to Smolensk, where the high justices of the Crown came to the following conclusion:
"Whereas it cannot be proved who of the imperial serfs are the actual murderers of the dead man, and as there are many peasants compromised in the crime, and whereas Dobriaschkin was now a dead man, there could arise not the least advantage to him, in having judgement given in his favour.
"And, whereas all the peasants compromised in the deed were still alive, it was of the greatest importance to them, that judgment should be given in their favour; it was therefore decided that the following judgment or verdict should be returned;
"That the imperial manager and magistrate, Dobriaschkin, was himself the cause of his death, in making unjustifiable pretensions upon the imperial serfs of the villages of Vladomirsk and Volkonsk, and that he died suddenly from an apoplectic stroke, whilst returning home in his sledge."
The imperial men who had thus settled these and similar occurrences, thought at the time that their decisions were just and right, but now, and it is incomprehensible why, they thought that the present dead souls had some reference to these past occurrences. To these past events which seemed to them now more serious than ever before, additional difficulties could arise, for, if it was to happen, that just at this time when all the employés of the Crown seemed so seriously embarrassed, the new Governor-General was to receive at once two more informations in the shape of the following documents.
The first, containing a report of investigations and proofs that a manufacturer of false bank-notes was residing in Smolensk, hiding himself under different assumed names, and that a strict investigation should be made at once to bring the culprit to light; the greatest discredit would be thrown at once upon the employés whose duty it would have been to prevent the occurrence.
The other document, again might contain the following communication from the Governor-General of the adjoining province; whereas a murderer has escaped the hands of justice, and taken refuge in the Government of Smolensk, It devolves upon the Imperial employés of the Province of Smolensk to take at once the necessary steps for his immediate apprehension, and stop all such persons who cannot legitimate themselves with the necessary documents and passports.
These two imaginary, or perhaps, true documents, completely bewildered all. Their former apprehensions were completely lost sight of. Of course, it was perfectly impossible for them to suspect for a moment that these documents could have any reference, whatever, to their friend Tchichikoff, however, as they at last began to reason a little each for himself, it struck them at last that they could not positively tell, who and what Tchichikoff really was, and that he had given them a very indistinct account of himself, though he had told them, that he had suffered much for the just cause whilst in active service.
All this seemed to them now, not at all dear, or explicit at all, and especially when they recollected that he had told them also, that he had many enemies ready to feed on his very life's blood, it was then that they became still more thoughtful and pre-occupied; it must therefore be that his life was in danger, consequently he must have been doing something to put himself into such a jeopardy—and now the question arose among them, who was Tchichikoff really?
Of course, he could not be a manufacturer of false bank notes, nor could he be a murderer, because his appearance was in every respect that of a gentleman; nevertheless, who and what is he? And now only it was that the imperial employés of Smolensk addressed themselves the question, which they ought to have asked immediately in the beginning of their acquaintance with our hero. It was resolved upon, that some more inquiries should be made about him, from those persons from whom he had bought those dead serfs, thus to ascertain, if possible, what the nearer particulars of these purchases were, and what they would have to understand by the term of dead serfs, to know whether he had not inadvertently perhaps allowed a few remarks, or hints to slip from his tongue, of what his real intentions were, and if some of the contracting parties did not know something more positive about him.
First of all they applied to Lady Korobotchka, but from her they did not learn much; he had purchased her dead serfs for the paltry sum of fifteen silver roubles, had promised to buy some feathers and honey from her, and had stated that he was a contractor for the supply of tallow and grease, and for that reason was no doubt an impostor, for she had had already dealings with a man, who bought feathers and honey, and contracted for the supply of tallow and grease, and that that man had taken them in one and all, and cheated the wife of the proto-pope of two hundred silver roubles. Whatever else she said on the subject, was nothing but a repetition of her first statement, and the employés came to the conclusion that Lady Korobotchka, was nothing but a stupid, gossiping old woman.
Maniloff declared, that for his friend, Pavel Ivanovitch, he was ready to be as responsible as for himself, that he would sacrifice all his property if he could but possess the hundredth part of the good qualities of his friend Pavel Ivanovitch, in fact, he spoke of him in the most flattering terms, adding a few of his opinions on friendship and intimacy; this he did of course while shutting gently his sweet eyes. These expressions, of course, convinced the employés of the tenderness of Maniloff's heart, but were not at all calculated to enlighten them on the subject in question.
Sobakevitch affirmed, that Tchichikoff was a honest man, and that the serfs he had sold him were picked men, and in every respect perfectly alive; but that he could not be held responsible for what might happen in the course of time, that if they were to die in consequence of their emigration, which would be fraught with difficulties and dangers, that this would not be his fault, but the decrees of Providence; and as for fever and other mortal diseases, they were prevalent all over the world, and he knew of instances where such diseases had devastated a whole village in three days.
The imperial gentlemen had recourse to one last resource, though, we must confess, not a very gentlemanly act; though there are instances when it is done through the medium of an acquaintance with the servants of the persons interested; they, therefore, hit upon the idea of questioning Tchichikoff's attendants, asking them indirectly what they know of the former life, habits, and fortune, of their lord and master; but even with them they found themselves disappointed.
Petruschka communicated to them only the peculiar perfume of his bed-chamber; as for Selifan, he confided to them that his master had been in the imperial service, and had done his duty in the excise; but this is all they could learn from him. This latter class of people, namely, servants, have very peculiar habits, and might, in some degrees, stand a comparison with Irishmen. If you ask them a direct question, they are sure to give an indirect answer—never recollect anything—their mind is so much confused that they will simply answer, 'that they knows nothing about anything;' but if you happen to deviate from your original question, and speak of something else, they are sure to return to the original question; and, whether you like it or not, they will give you all the desired particulars, even such as you do not care to listen to.
All the researches and inquiries of the imperial men, proved in the end, that they had no positive information about Tchichikoff; nevertheless, they came to the conclusion that he must be something. They decided, at last, upon talking the matter over once more, and settle, definitely, how to act in this very complicated affair—what measures they would have to take in order to ascertain, positively, who Tchichikoff really was; whether he was a man who ought to be apprehended at once as a malefactor, or whether he was a man who had the power and authority to seize and apprehend them as malefactors.
For this purpose it was agreed upon, that they should assemble all the next day at the house of the Commissioner of the Police, who, as is well known to our readers, was the father and benefactor of all the inhabitants of the town of Smolensk.
The next day the employés or officers of the crown, holding various appointments in the public offices of Smolensk, mustered in great numbers at the house of the Commissioner of Police, who was, as we have said before, the father and benefactor of all the inhabitants of the town. These gentlemen had now an opportunity of making the observation, that they had considerably changed in appearance since the preceding day, and that they looked pale and discomfited in consequence of their mental exertions.
And really, the appointment of a new Governor-General, the two documents containing such very serious information, coupled with the present occurrence and the widely-spread reports about those dead serfs, were sufficient in themselves to effect such changes in their countenance and bodily appearance, for the coats of some of them fitted them by far too comfortably.
All had given way: the President of the Council was changed, and the Inspector of the Imperial and other hospitals seemed no longer the same man, and the unflinching Procurator even had undergone an alteration, nor could a certain Semen Ivanovitch, whose real family name never transpired, be called the same man; he had the mania of showing off most cleverly a large finger ring which he wore on his first finger, both to ladies and gentlemen, but now he seemed not even to be aware of its being still on the same finger.
Of course, there were some few, as there always will be, stout-hearted men among them; but their number was very limited indeed. The Postmaster-General seemed the only one who had not given way to the prevalent panic, which was evident in the countenances of all the others present. He alone had not undergone the least change in his continually even character, and continued to behave as he was wont to do on similar occasions, by repeating his customary phrases.
"We know you, know you well, and what you are, you new Governor-General! Men of your description are changed and appointed three and four times in the course of a few years, but as for me Sirs, I have been sitting for these last thirty years in the same place."
To this and similar observations, the others invariably used to reply:
"'Tis all very fine for you to sprechen sie deutsch, Ivan Andreitch; your duty is a posting one; to receive and dispatch letters is your department, the only chance you have, is perhaps to close your office an hour sooner than you have a right, and extract late postages from our tradesmen, making them believe that you have a half-holiday, and that if you forward their letters, it is a favour you show them, or you send off a letter-bag which you ought to have kept back. Certainly with such easy tasks anybody could be a saint. And besides, though you are a married man, you have but one son and heir, but look upon me and my Praskovia Fedorovna, Heaven has blessed us uncommonly, for with every year our family increases, and it is either another Praskovia or another Fedor, we have to welcome to this world. No, no, Procurator, if you were in our position, you would sing another tune."
Thus the others spoke to the Postmaster-General.
In the council assembled, at the present moment, it was very remarkable that there was a total absence of that indispensable requirement which is usually called common sense and order. And here, in this instance the author feels himself called upon to pass the observation, that somehow or another, we Russians are not fit for public meetings, and have no talent for public speaking. In all our public assemblies, beginning from the peasants' peaceful gatherings, up to the most scientific and learned committees, if there is not one leading head among them to guide them all, it is sure to happen that confusion occupies the chair. It is very difficult for us to say why it is thus; no doubt, such is the character of the nation, and the only successful assemblies which we know of, are those, which are called together for the purposes of general enjoyment, such as eating, drinking, and dancing, as is customary in club-houses, and Vauxhalls—a foreign introduction.
But as for readiness and disposition, we are always ready, feel always ready for anything that is new. We are always ready, and at the first hint given, rush forward to establish benevolent institutions; institutions for the promotion of industry, agriculture, and heaven knows what description of institutions we are not ready to support. The object in view seems sublime, but there is this evil, the object remains in view, en perspective. It might perhaps be attributed to our sanguine beginning which makes us fancy that the object in view is accomplished by its beginning.
As an example we may here allude to a committee that was formed in the very town of Smolensk for the speedy relief of the peasantry suffering from famine. This committee had the laudable intention of affording considerable and immediate relief to the poor sufferers, and for that reason large subscriptions were made by the principal inhabitants. The gentlemen who had promoted this laudable undertaking resolved at once, that a grand dinner should be given to the subscribers, and in honour of the promoters, including the high notables of the town; this public dinner absorbed the half of the money subscribed for the poor sufferers; for the remainder of the money, a splendidly furnished house was hired for the exclusive use of the gentlemen forming the committee, including fire and attendance for their lordships, and the result of the munificent subscriptions showed that there were about five roubles and a half to be divided among a few hundred hungry sufferers, and in the division of this sum, there were a few of the gentlemen forming the benevolent committee who could not agree, and every one gave his reason why! The committee at present assembled had met for quite a different purpose; it was formed in consequence of unavoidable necessity. No starving sufferers were here the object. The question concerned every man present personally; the question was one threatening woe to all, it was therefore indispensable that unanimity should reign predominant.
The result was far from being satisfactory. Saying nothing about the difference of opinions, which is natural to any assembly; in the opinion of the council thus assembled, there was an undefinable inconsistency prevalent, and loudly expressed: the one said "that Tchichikoff was the manufacturer of the false bank notes," and then immediately added, "however, I might be mistaken;" another insisted upon it "that Tchichikoff was the private secretary, and the right-hand of the new Governor-General," and then concluded with the observation—"however, I could not swear to it, for it is not stamped on his forehead, that he is the man I take him to be."
As to the supposition that he might be the murderer in disguise, all pronounced unanimously their disbelief; because they found, that excepting his personal appearance, which bespoke him to be a well disposed gentleman, there had been nothing in his manners or language to justify them in suspecting him of being such a mean and criminal offender.
Suddenly, the Postmaster-General, after having remained for several minutes buried in his usual musings and reflexions, whether in consequence of a sudden inspiration that seemed to overcome him, or from any other cause, exclaimed quite unexpectedly—"do you know, gentleman, who this man is?"
The voice in which he pronounced these words had something of a terrifying tone, for it made all present startle, and shout at the same time—"who is he?"
"Gentlemen, this man is—it is nobody else but Capitan Kopeikin himself!"
And when all in one voice asked again—"but who is the Capitan Kopeikin?" the Postmaster General said:
"So you do not know who the Capitan Kopeikin is?"
All answered at once "that they did not know who the Capitan Kopeikin was, nor had they ever heard of him before."
"Capitan Kopeikin," continued the Postmaster General, as he opened his snuff-box only half-way for fear, lest one or the other of his neighbours should venture to put his fingers in it, the cleanliness of which he very much suspected. "Capitan Kopeikin," said the Postmaster, after having had already his pinch of snuff, "if I was to tell you who he is, it would be long and interesting enough for a novel."
All present expressed a wish to know the history of the Capitan, because they took it for granted it would be that of Tchichikoff himself; and the Postmaster-General announced his readiness to comply with their request, and began in the following terms;—
"Capitan Kopeikin was, at the time I am speaking of, one of the most valiant officers in the Russian service. In his last campaign against the Turks he stood, with his brave company, before the very gates of Adrianople, where he lost an arm and a leg, swearing at the same time that it was a shame on the part of the commanding generals to prevent them entering Adrianople as conquerors, and proceeding at once to Constantinople, which would have been a mere joke for them, and which they would have eventually to do. However, peace was proclaimed at Adrianople, and with one leg and one arm less he proceeded."....
"But pardon me, Ivan Andreitch," the Commissioner of Police, interrupted him, "before you proceed any farther with the history of your Capitan Kopeikin, allow me to observe to you that our stranger, Tchichikoff, boasts of very strong and healthy-looking legs and arms, and, according to your own words, Capitan Kopeikin, lost of each one, before the very gates of Adrianople."....
Here the Postmaster-General shouted out, and struck himself a violent blow at his forehead, calling himself in public, and in the presence of all assembled, "a stupid old ass." He could not explain it to himself, how a similar circumstance did not strike his attention at the very beginning, and he confessed that the old proverb was perfectly true, that a Russian was very strong in after-thoughts.
However, a few minutes later, he tried immediately to amend his blunder, and if possible to get out of the scrape in which he had placed himself, saying, that at the last Universal Exhibition in England, where mechanism had been carried to the highest perfection, a certain Mr. Brown had invented a pair of mechanical legs, which, if touched in a particular place, where an invisible spring was fixed, would carry a man, Heaven knows how far, so far indeed, that it would be perfectly impossible to find him again anywhere.
However, this explanation was not sufficient to make them believe that Capitan Kopeikin and Tchichikoff were the same person; and they agreed that the Postmaster-General's explanations were too far fetched.
After this last suggestion it will not seem surprising at all that the gentlemen assembled began to reflect more seriously on the subject; however, after a little while they began to rally again, finding that their imagination was at a loss for something more probable.
Thinking, and thinking again, and after mature reflections, they came to the conclusion, that it would be advisable to question Nosdrieff on the subject; as he had been the first to bring the dead serfs on the tapis, and as he seemed to be in every respect on very intimate terms with Tchichikoff, it was consequently clear to them, that he was the most likely person to give them some more positive information regarding Tchichikoff's past life; they therefore decided on seeing and questioning Nosdrieff without any further delay.
This resolution, the last they had come to, was a very strange one indeed, because they knew perfectly well that Nosdrieff was a professed story-teller, and it was impossible to believe a word of what he said, and that he could in no way be depended upon even in the merest trifle; nevertheless, and perhaps for that very reason, they rushed away to have recourse to him. Humanity is strange indeed! Many a man doubts Providence, but believes steadfastly that if the bridge of his nose itches, he is sure to die soon; he will leave unnoticed the creation of a genius, dear as noon-day, full of consistencies, perfect in its simplicity and truth, to throw himself upon the humbug invented or advanced by a charlatan, and believe and trust in it blindly, and exclaim at the same time, "This is the real representative of the secrets of the heart!" or, having never paid in his life a copek to a physician, he will in the extremest case apply to an old woman-quack, who cures with simples and incantations like a witch, or who boils down some drugs, which, heaven knows why, he fancies to be the very remedy for his complaint.
Of course, and in some degree the imperial employés might in many respects be excused, for they really were in one of the most unpleasant and embarrassing positions, as regarded their character and reputation. The drowning man, it is said, catches even at a straw, because at the time of his danger he has not the faculty of judging that a fly only could perhaps save its life on a straw, and that, as for himself, he weighed at least his twelve to sixteen stone, if not more; however, this reflection seems not to occur to the drowning man, and for that reason he catches at a straw.
Thus it was also with our gentlemen assembled; they at last resolved on catching at Nosdrieff. The Commissioner of Police dropped him a line instantly, inviting him to pass the evening with them, and his assistant courier in his long top-boots and rosy cheeks, rushed immediately out into the street, to take the message to Nosdrieff. Nosdrieff was engaged on very important business; for four consecutive days he had not left his room; he permitted no one to quit the house, and received his dinner through the window; in a word, he had grown feeble and emaciated.
His business demanded the most persevering attention; it consisted in the selection of from more than ten dozen packs of cards, of one select pack, upon which he might be able to depend as upon his most intimate friend. The work he had before him was sufficient to last him yet for two weeks longer; for the course of this time, Porphir had received instructions to take particular care of the young dog, and to wash him three times a day with a peculiar brush and plenty of soap.
Nosdrieff was very angry indeed that any one should have come to disturb his solitude; at first he refused to listen at all to the Commissioner's messenger, but when he read the P.S. which informed him, that it was more than likely that the evening party would be attended by a novice, and that there would be a little gambling, he dressed himself immediately, and left his solitude to comply with the invitation.
The appearance, testimony, and suppositions of Nosdrieff presented such contradictory evidence that the gentlemen of the council were completely thrown out of their latest conclusion on the subject of their important investigations. Nosdrieff was one of those men for whom suppositions and doubts did not exist, and whatever extent of indecision and timidity was perceptible in their conjectures, it was met by him with as much perseverance and conviction, and he answered every one of their inquiries without stammering even once, nor feeling in the least embarrassed.
He affirmed that Tchichikoff had bought dead serfs for a considerable amount, and that he himself had sold him some, because he could not see any harm in doing so. Upon the question, whether he did not believe him to be a spy sent from St. Petersburgh to collect secret information regarding the administration of Smolensk, Nosdrieff answered, that he was confident that his friend Tchichikoff was a spy in the pay of the government, because, said he, when we were school-fellows we used to call him the fiscal, but at the same time, he got many a sound thrashing for it from us, and from myself in particular.
"I now remember a circumstance when we had so very much ill-used him that he was obliged to go home, and have immediately two hundred and forty leeches applied to his temples"—that is to say, he intended to make it forty, but the two hundred additional slipped from his tongue in spite of himself.
When he was asked whether he did not think that Tchichikoff was the manufacturer of false bank notes, he answered in the affirmative, and at the same time told them an anecdote of the great cleverness of Tchichikoff, saying, that it once so happened that he, Tchichikoff, being positively traced as the imitator of bank notes, and that he had about two millions worth in his possession, his house was immediately surrounded by a detachment of soldiers, each of the doors being sealed and guarded by two men, but during the same night Tchichikoff managed to change the two millions worth of spurious notes into genuine imperial bank bills.
To the direct question, whether Tchichikoff had really the intention of carrying out his elopement with the Governor-General's daughter, and whether it was true that he had undertaken to assist them in their flight, Nosdrieff replied, that he must confess, that he had particularly helped and assisted him, and that without him, they would not have had the least chance of success.
Here he perceived, but too late, that he had compromised himself by this statement, without, however, being able to stop the fluency of the tongue. However, it was also difficult to stop his talkativeness, because the subject in itself was one that presented so many interesting incidents, and he could not resist the temptation of inventing them; he even gave the name of the particular village, where the church stood on a hill surrounded by a small wood, through which they had to pass in order to proceed to the nuptial ceremony, the name of the pope who had to wed them before the altar, was father Sidor; for his services and discretion he was to receive a hundred roubles, but he at first declined to accede to their request, but that he, Nosdrieff, reminded the holy father that he had married lately his peasant Michael to his cousin, Katinka, and which was an act contrary to the laws of the Greek church, and that if he refused to marry his friend and his lovely bride, he would at once inform against him, that he had put at their disposal his own carriage and horses, and that he had gone on horseback, from station to station to provide re-lay horses for the fugitives. He went even so far in his particulars as regarded the elopement, that he begun to call out the names of every one of the jamtchicks who drove the carriage.
The Imperial men remained now in a worse position than they were in the beginning of their investigations, and the meeting was broken up, after they had fully agreed upon the fact, it was impossible to them to discover who Tchichikoff was.
All these reports, conjectures and gossips on account of Tchichikoff had, for some incomprehensible reasons, had the most fatal effect upon the constitution of the poor Imperial Procurator. They had acted upon him to such a degree, that he, on his return home from the meeting, from some cause or another fell down and was found to be dead. Whether it was a paralytic stroke or any other that put a term to his existence is difficult to say, but the fact is, that when he sat down upon his chair, he had done so to rise no more.
But this is incredible, altogether inconsistent! it is impossible that the Imperial employés could so foolishly alarm themselves; imagine all such nonsense, thus deviate from the truth, when even a child could comprehend the matter. Thus will many of our readers think and reproach us with having advanced an incredible occurrence, or call the imperial employés stupid fellows, because men are liberal in words like, fool and ass, and are ready and willing to apply them even twenty times a day, if their fellow creatures give them but a chance.
It is very easy for a reader to pass a judgment, considering that he has the whole plot before him, and is seated in his snug corner, occupying thus a perfectly independent position, from which he has the whole horizon at a glance before him, and sees, as it were, what is going on below him, where the creeping men see but that which is close before them.
As for Pavel Ivanovitch Tchichikoff, he had not the slightest idea of the reports that were circulating on his account, and, as if misfortunes never come alone, it so happened, that at this very time he was suffering from a severe cold in his face, and an influenza in his throat, both indispositions to which we are very subject in our larger towns. In order to avoid any danger to his life by this indisposition, from which Heaven preserve him! and the fear that he might perhaps die in consequence without leaving any descendants behind him, he resolved upon staying at home for a few days.
During the course of these days, he kept continually using ointments, and rinsing his throat with warm milk and figs in it, the latter fruit he always used to eat when he had used the lotion, he also wore a small pillow on his face, filled with herbs and camphor. Wishing to occupy his leisure time as pleasantly as possible, he began to write over again the various lists of the dead serfs he had been purchasing, read a little of the "Wandering Jew," translated from the French, which he happened to find in his portmanteau, he reviewed and glanced over all the contents of his dressing-case, such as notes, visiting cards and invitations to weddings and funerals, some of them he even had the courage to read over twice, nevertheless, he soon got tired of continually doing the same thing.
He could not at all account for the fact, how it happened that he did not see a single visitor, when but a few days ago the droschkies and carriages of the imperial employés were continually standing and waiting in a line before the inn, among his most frequent visitors he was accustomed to see the carriage of the Postmaster General, the Procurator's, or the President of the Council.
He shrugged his shoulders at the thought of it as he was walking up and down his room, applying the poultice to his swollen cheek. At last, however, he felt considerably better, and was rejoiced, Heaven knows to what extent, when he saw a possibility before him of leaving the house and walking out into the fresh air. Without any further delay, he betook himself immediately to the process of dressing, opened his toilette case, poured some hot water into a glass, took his shaving brush and soap, and prepared to shave himself, for which process it had been long ago the highest time; because, feeling his beard with his hand, and then looking at it in the looking-glass before him, he could not help exclaiming: "What a forest-like beard I have got in a few days, to be sure." And really, though it could not have been called a forest, yet his cheeks and chin were thickly covered with what might be termed a neglected growth.
After having shaved carefully, he began to dress so quickly and lively, so that he nearly jumped out of his trowsers again. At last, he was perfectly dressed, he took up his Eau de Cologne, with which he sprinkled himself all over, and after putting on a warmer over-coat, and wrapping his cheek carefully in a silk handkerchief, he went out into the street.
His first walk out was like that of every person recovering from an indisposition; he felt cheerful and well-disposed. All that his sight met, seemed gay and pleasant to look at, the houses, the passing multitude, the carriages and horses and even the running dogs.
His first morning visit he intended to pay to his Excellency the Governor-General of Smolensk. On his road to the house of the Lord-Lieutenant, many a thought crossed his mind. The fair blondine kept continually turning about in his head; his fancy for her even began to roam, so much so that he could at last not help smiling at it himself. In such a pleasant disposition he arrived at the house of the Governor-General. He was on the point of taking off his over-coat in the hall, when the porter surprised him with the following unexpected information.
"I have orders not to receive you, Sir."
"What, how, surely you don't recognise me again. You had better look me well in the face," said Tchichikoff to the man.
"How should I not know you again, Sir? It is not the first time I have seen you in this house. But the instructions I have received are very positive indeed; they refer to you alone; all other visitors are to be admitted as before."
"You don't mean that! Why me alone? what for?"
"Such are my orders, and I dare say it must be all right," said the porter, and added finally the words, "yes." After saying this, he remained coolly standing before Tchichikoff, showing no signs of his usual servility to hasten forward and help the guest of his master to take off his over-coat. It seemed, as he looked upon the stranger, that he thought, "Oho! if my master does not wish to receive you any more under his roof, you must have behaved badly, and be an impostor."
"Incomprehensible!" thought Tchichikoff to himself, and went immediately to wait upon his friend the President; but the President became so confused at the sight of our hero, that he could not speak two words intelligibly and uttered such nonsense that both felt at last perfectly ashamed of one another.' As he left the house, Tchichikoff tried to explain to himself, on his road, what the President's words were meant to express, and especially a few insinuations that had dropped in the course of their conversation, however he could explain nothing.
He then went to pay his visits to a few more, to the Commissioner of Police, to the Vice-Governor, to the Postmaster-General, but they either did not receive him, or if they did, at least, all spoke in such a strange manner, and in such incomprehensible terms, and seemed in his opinion at such a loss for anything reasonable to say, that he left them under the impression that they were wrong in their minds. He called upon a few more on his road home, thinking that he would at last be able to find out a real cause for their unwarrantable conduct; however he could not discover any cause whatever.
Like a somnambulist he continued to wander about for some time in the streets of the town, perfectly incapable of deciding, whether it was he or the Imperial employés who had lost their senses.
It was already late in the evening when he returned to his hotel, which he had left in the early day, in such an excellent disposition, to chase away the annoyance he felt, he immediately ordered some tea. Engaged with melancholy reflections on his suddenly changed position vis-à-vis his acquaintance in town, he began to pour out his tea, when the door of his room was suddenly opened, and he beheld Nosdrieff standing unexpectedly before him.
"The proverb says, 'for a friend seven miles even are no distance,'" said Nosdrieff as he entered the room and took off his hat. "I was just passing the inn, saw a light in your room, thought to myself, I'll call upon him, he is surely not in bed yet, and here I am. Ah, delightful! you have yet your tea on the table; I shall have great pleasure to take a cup with you. I have made a very indifferent dinner to-day, and feel the consequences even now, just give orders to your servant to bring me a pipe. Where is your pipe?"
"I don't smoke," said Tchichikoff, dryly.
"Nonsense! as if I did not know that you are an inveterate smoker. Halloa! what's that fellow's name? Halloa, Vachramei, where are you?"
"His name is not Vachramei, but Petruschka."
"How is this? but you used to have a servant of the name of Vachramei formerly."
"I never had a servant of that name in my life."
"Just so, my friend Derebischkin has a Vachramei. By the bye, imagine only what a lucky fellow that Derebischkin is. An aunt of his, having quarrelled with her own son for marrying the daughter of one of her serfs, has disinherited him, and left the whole of her property to my friend Derebischkin. When I heard of it, I could not help wishing for a couple of such aunts. But what is the matter with you, my dear fellow, why have you become a stranger, and are no more seen among us? Of course I know that you are sometimes engaged on scientific subjects, and like to play the original, and read and study, (why Nosdrieff came to the conclusion that our hero was fond of reading, and studying scientific subjects, is impossible for us to tell, and still less for Tchichikoff himself). "Ah, my dear fellow Tchichikoff, if you could but have witnessed it—it would have been excellent food for your satirical wit, (why Tchichikoff was possessed of satirical wit, it was also impossible to say.) Imagine only, my dear fellow, we were gambling a little the other evening at Lichatcheff's house, we had such a lark there! My friend Perependeiff, who was with me, said what a pity that our Tchichikoff is not with us, he would have heartily enjoyed the fun—(meanwhile it must be observed that Tchichikoff never in his whole life knew a man of the name of Perependeiff.) However, I hope, my dear fellow, you will agree with me, that you acted very ungentlemanly to me on the last occasion, when we played that game of draughts, in which I was the winner. Yes, my dear fellow, I cannot help saying, you regularly did me out of it. However, the devil knows I cannot get angry on any account. It is but recently, that I and the President...."
"Halloa! and by the bye, I must tell you, my dear fellow, that the whole town is against you, they are under the impression that you are a manufacturer of spurious bank notes, they pressed hard upon me, but I defended you like a brother, I made them believe we were school-fellows, and that I knew your father; you may depend upon it, my dear fellow, I made them swallow a regular blue pill."
"What do you say, I am suspected of making false bank notes?" exclaimed Tchichikoff in a fit of amazement, as he rose from his chair.
"But what pleasure could you also find in frightening them nearly out of their senses?" continued Nosdrieff. "I can assure you, my dear fellow, they are nearly all mad from fear; they believe you also to be a highwayman, and an imperial spy. As for the Procurator, the poor fellow died in consequence of your reputation, and is to be buried to-morrow. Will you attend the funeral? To speak the truth, they are horribly alarmed at the new Governor-General, who has been appointed by the Emperor. However, my dear fellow, I cannot help making the observation; but you play a hazardous game."
"What hazardous game do you mean?" Tchichikoff again asked, rather alarmed.
"Well, I mean your projected elopement with the present Governor-General's daughter. For my part, I must confess, I expected as much of you, by heavens I thought you would do it! The first time I saw you both together at the ball, I thought to myself, I'm sure Tchichikoff is not the fellow to take so much trouble for nothing. However, allow me to tell you, that I do not exactly approve of your choice, I cannot find anything particularly attractive in that fair girl. I would have liked her cousin, Anastasia Bikousova better, she is a charming little thing!"
"But stop, stop, what nonsense are you talking there? What did you say—I was going to elope with the Lord Lieutenant's daughter?" Tchichikoff stammered, opening his eyes widely.
"Well, my dear fellow, now don't you presume to be so very mysterious about the matter. I must confess, I came here with an intention. I am ready to assist you in the speculation. Be it so: I am willing to hold the nuptial crown over your head, I am ready to place my carriage and the relay horses at your disposal, but you must lend me a sum of five thousand roubles. I want them, I want them desperately, my dear fellow!"
During the whole time the prattling of Nosdrieff lasted, Tchichikoff continued to rub his eyes, wishing to convince himself whether he was under the impression of a dream, or whether he was listening to something in reality. Manufacturer of false bank notes, the elopement with the Governor-General's daughter, the death of the Imperial Procurator, which he was given to understand was caused by him, the appointment and speedy arrival of a new Lord-Lieutenant, all this was calculated to alarm him considerably. If matters have come to this point, he thought to himself, I have no reason to tarry any longer here, and it is the highest time for me to leave town immediately.
He tried to rid himself as soon as possible of Nosdrieff's company, in which he at last succeeded, but not without some considerable difficulty. He then called in his servant Selifan, and gave him instructions to be ready by the break of day, in order that they should have no impediments in leaving Smolensk by six o'clock in the morning, everything should be packed and ready, the britchka well greased, the horses cleaned, &c., &c.
Selifan answered: "very well, Pavel Ivanovitch," but remained nevertheless for a few moments immoveable at the door. Tchichikoff ordered Petruschka to draw forward from under the bed his portmanteau, which was covered with a thick layer of dust, he began to assist his servant in the packing of all his property indiscriminately into it, such as stockings, shirts, and other clean and unwashed linen, boot-jacks, an almanack—all these effects were placed into the portmanteau as they happened to come under their hands; he intended to have everything absolutely ready in the evening, so that nothing should prevent or delay his departure in the morning.
Selifan who had, as we before said, remained silently standing at the door, when he saw the preparation for his master's departure carried on so vigorously, at last left the room in a hurry.
Hurriedly, as hurriedly as it is possible to imagine it, he descended the staircase, imprinting the marks of his wet footsteps on the stairs, on arriving below he stopped short, and began to scratch the back of his head for a considerable rime.
What this scratching of his head meant, or what it in general was meant for, is difficult to say, but it is a characteristic trait of persons in his condition. Was it the disappointment, that he would not be able to go the next evening once more with his brother servant across the street to the cellar like imperial dram-shop, or had it, perhaps, happened that he had already succeeded during their protracted sojourn in Smolensk, in forming a tender attachment of the heart with some neighbour's kitchen-maid, and that he would have to bid farewell to his fair girl, and that there would be an end to their tender conversation before the gate, where with his balalaika in his hand he used to give her an evening song.
Or, again was he simply sorry to leave a place to which he had just begun to accustom himself, and feel cozy and comfortable near the kitchen fire wrapped in his greasy sheep-skin, eating porridge and sour cabbage soup with fat meat-pies; leave all these comforts for the purpose of travelling again in rain and storm, and be tossed about on his master's britchka?
Heaven alone knows what it meant, but it has many and innumerable meanings with the Russian people, when they begin to scratch the back of their head.
Nothing, however, of all that Tchichikoff had projected on the preceding evening, so happened on the following morning. In the first instance, he awoke considerably later than he wished; this was the first annoyance. Scarcely had he risen from his couch, when he sent immediately to inquire whether the horses were harnessed and before the britchka, and whether all was ready for his departure, but he was informed that neither the horses nor the britchka, nor anything was ready for his immediate departure. This was the second annoyance.
He flew into a violent passion, and had first, the intention of treating our friend Selifan to something in the Russian fashion, for the disregard thus shown to his orders, however he preferred waiting impatiently to hear first what excuse he would come to offer. Soon after, Selifan made his appearance in the room, and his lord and master had the gratification of listening to the same language which is usually spoken by servants on similar occasions, when their masters are in a hurry to start on their journey without delay.
"Your glory, I must inform you that the horses will require to be shod."
"Oh, you pig! you stupid blockhead! and why have you hot told me of this before? Had you no time to do it?"
"As for time, I cannot complain of—But allow me also to tell you, Pavel Ivanovitch, that one of the wheels wants a new tyre very sadly indeed, the roads have become very bad during these last few rainy days. And will your glory allow me also to observe, that the driving-box of the britchka is altogether out of repair and shaky, so much so that I fear it will not hold together for more than two or three stations."
"You rascal, you!" shouted Tchichikoff, raising his arms, and clapping his hands together, and approaching Selifan so closely, that he, prompted by fear of receiving an unpleasant treat, stepped hastily backwards, and remained at a respectful distance.
"Do you want to kill me? aye? do you wish to cut my throat? Have you formed a conspiracy to slaughter me on the high road? you robber, you infernal pig you, you marine monster, you! For three weeks and more you have been sitting here at your ease, but the thought could never come into your blockhead to think of this before? ah? but now at the eleventh hour you put your nose at last upon it! how am I now to get in and drive off? eh? such is always the case with you, you rascal, and now you have let me again in a mess! ah? ah? But you ought to have known all this before? didn't you know it? ah? eh? Answer me. Did you know it? ah? eh?"
"I knew it, your glory," answered Selifan, bending down his head.
"And why didn't you tell me of it before? ah? eh?"
To this question Selifan gave no answer at all, but bending down his head still lower, he seemed to say to himself: "Look here, how strangely all this has happened, to be sure: I knew all about it but said nothing!"
"And now, Sir, you go instantly, bring me a blacksmith, and mind that everything requisite is done and attended to in two hours. Do you hear and understand me? absolutely in two hours, and if you are not ready, then you know what the result will be. I shall drive you into a bull's horn, and tie you up with a knot." Our hero's anger had risen to a considerable pitch.
Selifan turned round to the door, as if with the intention of leaving the room, and executing his master's instructions; however, he stopped short, and said:
"I have forgotten to mention to your glory, that it would be a good plan to sell the tiger-spotted horse, because he is—I can assure you, Pavel Ivanovitch, the greatest idler and rascal I ever had to do with, he is such a horse, as I would pray Heaven to deliver me from."
"Well, I'm sure! you don't mean to say, Sir, that I am going to run to the marketplace, and sell a horse to please you?"
"I invoke my patron saint as a witness, Pavel Ivanovitch, but that horse has only the appearance of a good horse, but at work he is the greatest rogue and idler. Such a horse—"
"Stupid donkey, I shall sell my horses when I choose. Do not presume to argue with me, but mind what I am telling you now; if you don't go instantly to fetch me a blacksmith, and if everything is not ready within two hours, you may depend upon such a combing—such a combing that you will have every difficulty in recognizing your own face again! Leave me! be off!"
Selifan left the room.
Tchichikoff had now lost even the slightest vestige of good temper, and kept thumping his old rusty sword on the ground, which travelled with him wherever he went, for the purpose of inspiring with due respect all those whom it concerned. He spent more than a quarter of an hour with the blacksmith before he could agree as to the terms for his job, because the blacksmith as is customary with them, was an impudent fellow, who perceiving that the gentleman was in a hurry, demanded of him six times his due.
It was of no use for Tchichikoff to reason with the man, to call him a scoundrel, robber, preying upon the unwary traveller, notwithstanding even his allusion to the day of judgment, he could produce no impression upon the hardened blacksmith; he maintained his iron character to the last; he not only insisted upon his own price, but even continued to job about his work exactly five hours and a half, instead of two hours.
During the whole of this time, Tchichikoff had the advantage of experiencing all the pleasant sensations, so very familiar to every traveller who has his portmanteaus ready packed, and useless papers and strings lying strewn about in the room, when a man does not yet deserve to be called a traveller, and when he also may not be called a fixed resident; in such a position let us imagine him standing before the window in his room, looking down into the street, where he beholds a busy crowd passing along, talking of their grievances, and with a meaningless curiosity lifting their eyes to look upon him, and then again continuing their conversation, and passing on their way, which still more annoys the disappointed, not yet journeying traveller. Whatever it may be, and whatever he may see, whether a little shop on the other side of the street, or the head of an old woman living in the opposite house, as she approaches the window, ornamented with old fashioned curtains, the sight of all this displeases and annoys him considerably, but still, and for all that, he will not leave his position. He continues to stand there fixedly, soon forgetting, then again looking steadfastly at everything before him, whether animate or inanimate; and out of pure vexation kills a poor fly, which had been already for some time buzzing and beating against the window pane.
However, there is an end to everything, and the long wished for moment has at last arrived; all was ready, the driving seat of the britchka was repaired most carefully, a new iron tyre fixed around the wheel, the horses led forward from their draining cup, and the impudent blacksmith, after receiving his pay, and counting the silver roubles, wished smilingly a pleasant journey to the traveller he had so shamelessly provoked.
At last the britchka was ready to start, and two hot cakes just brought were immediately placed into it by Petruschka, whilst Selifan stocked the leather pockets of his seat with similar eatables, at last our hero himself escorted, and received by the flourish of numerous caps, and the ever attentive head waiter, in the same demi-cotton jacket and napkin across his shoulder, made his appearance before his travelling carriage, where he was greeted by a number of waiters, coachmen and idlers, who like to be always present on similar occasions; the gentleman traveller took possession of his high seat, and the britchka, that particular travelling carriage, to which bachelors and retired Stabz-capitäns give the preference, and which had been standing under a shed for so long a time in the town of Smolensk; and whose inactivity may have already begun to fatigue our reader, at last drove out through the gates of the inn.
"I praise thee, O Lord!" said Tchichikoff to himself, while making a devout sign of the cross, which is customary among the faithful believers in the Greek church. Selifan made his whip crack, and used it immediately upon all three horses in succession; Petruschka kept running for awhile close to the carriage, and then jumping cleverly upon the wheel step, he took his seat next to his brother servant; and our hero, seating himself still more comfortably upon his small Persian carpet, and carefully placing a leather cushion behind his back, unconsciously flattened the two hot cakes, and the light carriage began to roll and shake again quickly over the wretched pavement, which had the effect of tossing the occupant considerably about.
It was with an indefinable feeling that Tchichikoff now began to look round him, at the houses, walls, gardens and streets, which on their part seemed also to be tossing about, until at last they disappeared before his sight, and which, Heaven knows he will perhaps never have the chance of seeing again during his life. At the turning of one of the streets, the britchka was suddenly obliged to stop, because of a funeral procession, which was just slowly bending its way across the street; it was headed as usual by a dozen mourners in deep black, carrying burning torches in their hands, and followed by the bearers of the military and civil orders, worn by the deceased, and then by the funeral car and its followers.
Tchichikoff leaning forward ordered Petruschka to inquire who it was whom they were thus leading to his grave, and he received the answer that it was the right honorable the Imperial Procurator. Overwhelmed with unpleasant sensations and recollections, he immediately lent back into the farthest corner of his carriage, and covered himself with the carriage apron, and drew down the leather curtains.
At the time when the britchka was thus stopped, Selifan and Petruschka took their caps off with great fervour, and made the usual sign of the cross, and began to gape about and see who were present, and how they were following the mournful and exceedingly long procession, trying to count the number of those that were walking, and those that were driving in their own carriages behind the funeral car; their master, after having cautioned them not to recognise nor salute any of the servants with whom they might have made acquaintance, also begun to look, or rather peep attentively through the small glass square fixed in the leather curtains; he beheld nearly all the Imperial employés of his acquaintance forming the majority of the chief mourners. He began to feel alarmed lest they should accidentally recognise his carriage, however this was but a false alarm, their minds were differently pre-occupied.
They were even not occupied with any worldly talk, such as is usually carried on between persons that follow a funeral. All their thoughts, at that time, were principally concentrated upon themselves; they were thinking and asking themselves the question—what kind of a man the newly-appointed Governor-general would be, with what energy he would undertake his duties, and how he would receive them.
Behind the Imperial employés, who followed all walking, came the carriages from which ladies in mourning gowns were putting out their heads to look about them. By the movements of their lips and hands, it could easily be conjectured that they were engaged in lively conversation; very likely they also spoke of the arrival of the new Governor-general, and tried to imagine what kind of balls and routs he would be likely to give on the occasion of his new appointment; and they seemed very anxious about their new dresses with the recent fashionable improvement of festoons and ornaments all over.