Opinions differ as to whether married life can be generally considered as a source of happiness; some there are who say it is the acme of happiness, while others do not agree that it is exactly a heaven on earth.
Personally we possess positive evidence in favor of the view that marriage can make people very happy; for we know of a number of cases of suicide following the loss of husband or wife, and we have a clear recollection of seeing many widows or widowers break down at the mere mention of their departed, years after the bond of matrimony had been thus severed.
Certainly agencies that can make people happy, such as marriage, ought to be able to lengthen existence and remove petty cares, worry, and sorrow that are so prevalent in this life, and which, in the long run, tend to induce premature old age. As the Germans say, “Getheiltes Leid ist halbes Leid” (“a sorrow shared is but half a sorrow”), and the man who can share his misfortunes with a beloved wife does not carry his burden alone.
This is of the greatest importance, for, as we shall show in the next chapter, the body is governed by the mind, and thus mental emotions of a depressing nature assist in the development of disease and the symptoms of premature old age, in combating which a single man is always at a great disadvantage.
We shall also show that, as a rule, our mishaps and disappointments are due to our own fault of omission or commission, to want of foresight, etc. It is a positive fact that many a man, famous in history, owed his position and success to the advice and assistance of a clever and sympathetic better half; this term is, indeed, not devoid of foundation, for a man does not so seldom become perfect through his better half, the woman. The female character is so essentially different to the male, because of her different anatomical and physiological constitution, that by the uniting of the female to the male some deficiency in the character in the latter may be supplied, and vice versâ, with equal benefit to both. Thus the uniting of the woman to the man is most desirable, if only for this reason.
It would lead us too far to insist on the enormous advantage of married life for public morality, for the prevention and repression of crime, and even for the welfare of the State, the soundest foundation of which is family life. Each family is a little community in itself, with the father at the head as king, and the mother as queen. And as the State wants subjects, so the family wants children; for the great pleasures connected with the various stages of a child’s growth from the cradle to the altar, serve as the key to a lengthened and the longest possible existence. Cornaro gives us a very instructive example in his saying “in the society of the young we become young again;” and so children restore youth.
Not only because of the favorable mental influence exercised by marriage must this be recommended as one of the most efficient means for attaining a long life, but also because of various other advantages induced by the improved hygienic conditions of various organs. Thus, marriage is able to satisfy the sexual desires,—the complete suppression of which is so injurious to most healthy men and women,—without there being any risk of contracting diseases of the sexual organs with their terrible consequences. For this reason alone married persons have the best chances for preserving their youth, provided they exercise moderation and do not indulge in the pleasures of matrimonial life beyond the physiological limits.
It is much easier to observe the rules of hygiene for the various organs, as outlined previously, in married than in single life; for in the latter condition one is concerned for himself alone, whereas in the former, four eyes instead of two are on the watch. Thus the first symptoms of disease are often visible to the eyes of a loving wife, and, as prevention is better than cure, such a disease may then be checked by promptly applied treatment. Most diseases could be cured if treatment could be administered at the very beginning, whereas curable diseases often terminate fatally from neglect of a sufficienctly early treatment. There can be no doubt about it, but that as a rule, a married man is far better nursed, in case of sickness, than is a single man; and we all know that a good nurse can often do just as much good, sometimes even more, than the most skilful physician. It is certain that the therapeutic results in the English and American hospitals would be inferior to those obtained at present if there were not such excellent nurses, of whom these countries may indeed well be proud. Marriage, through the regular habits it causes, can also favorably influence certain chronic diseases; thus, according to Rénon, even heart affections can be favorably influenced by married life.
As a rule married life also implies the possession of a home, whereas a single man or woman most often have no real home. They are obliged to frequent restaurants for their meals, where there is great likelihood of their damaging their stomach or intestines by irregularities in food or drink—at least in the case of men, who also have no reason to stay indoors in the evening, and are thus more exposed to the life-shortening influences of an irregular life.
As we have already seen, the best means for attaining a very long life is moderation in everything; and there is no doubt that this can be much better observed in married than in single life.
For all the foregoing reasons we must emphatically advise all who desire long life and the preservation of youthfulness as long as possible, to marry, and if they become bereaved, to marry again. Celibacy is a condition unknown to uncivilized nations; the ancient Hindoos considered it a crime that should be punished; and, according to Du Perron, the Parsees of the present time, who still follow the religion of Zoroaster, regard celibacy as a deadly sin. According to Tsen-ki-tong,[341] an old maid is a phenomenal rarity in China.
The best proof of the supposition that marriage is conducive to long life is the example given us by the long-lived patriarchs mentioned in another chapter, nearly all of whom were married; for if they became widowers, even though over 100 years in age, they soon married again.
It is one of the saddest sights on earth to see an old bachelor alone in the world; and we consider that the happiest beings are those who, in their green old age, are surrounded by numerous children and grandchildren. According to Schopenhauer, such persons never die, for their flesh and blood survive in their descendants.
Being still a bachelor we may incur the reproach that we speak of marriage as the blind man speaks of color, and particularly by seeming blind to the evils that may be present in the married state. We cannot deny the fact that some people are most unhappy; but it is our firm belief that all the ills that befall us on this earth are due to ourselves. If we select our nuptial mate with care and sound judgment, paying more attention to the internal rather than the external qualities, treating her with the utmost consideration of character, first studying and then adapting ourselves to them, we shall not find sharp edges but smooth sides, and we shall never come into collision with them. Everywhere and anywhere, everyone is the author of his own luck.