It was a sad moment when we heard that Nagorny and Sidniev had been taken away. Without any notice they were ordered to get ready in a few moments time. Dr. Botkin told us that both men wanted to see us before they left. Nagorny said, “I am employed by my Emperor and I am going to see him.” But he was rudely pushed toward the stairway. Poor Leonid lost his only relative, his uncle Sidniev, who had devoted his life to this little orphaned boy. Now Leonid, the scullery boy, took the responsibility of taking care of our dogs. It was a great treat not only to Alexei but to the family to see someone who had been with us in Tobolsk. Leonid’s smiling face brought some diversion to Alexei, but Leonid too was a prisoner in the house, like the rest of us. The two boys played navy games with toy boats and so were able momentarily to forget the existing conditions surrounding us. Since Leonid was an orphan, Alexei’s ambition was to give him the best possible education and care for him as long as he would be in need.
Now that Nagorny was gone, Father himself carried Alexei down into the courtyard for his daily airing of thirty minutes. Father’s tenderness choked us afresh each time. All the time it was evident to us that Father was buckling under the weight of his own injured back. We had little heart to go out at all into a cheerful courtyard full of heartless men. The thirty minutes airing was hardly worth the strain on Father, but the fresh air was medicine to Alexei, until God would answer our prayers.
We did not take the wheel chair down into the garden. Mother wanted Alexei to walk a little each day. We took turns holding him under the arms; his legs were so weak they would have collapsed under him without support. Dr. Botkin thought that braces on both legs would help. The rubber had gone to pieces on the braces he had been using. Olga and Tatiana took stays, hooks, and other parts of our corsets and made two braces that hooked in front. Not having any rubber, they padded these with cotton placed between two pieces of cloth. These proved to be effective and Alexei was able to go outdoors wearing these braces under his trousers.
Once when we walked around the courtyard some birds made a commotion. In my mind I wondered if they came from the Crimea. One little fellow warbled on so eternally that we were lifted as by a religious service. From then on we listened hungrily, each songster seeming a harbinger of that world so shut away from us.
Now our walks were cut down to fifteen minutes. The time was so short that it seemed we were back in the house at the moment of leaving! Olga used to say, “Back into the vault.”
Mother seldom went out with us but, on our return, she eagerly drank in the sweet air that still clung to our clothes. There were a few ways left for us to amuse ourselves but these had grown monotonous. Our books, which had been taken away from us on our arrival, were now restored and we read them but our thoughts were far away.
Father read the Bible aloud, often starting on the page at which he opened the book. We girls had our tapestries, but the lack of yarn and the bad light caused us to give up working on them. Mother no longer sewed, her eyes being bad from the inadequate light of our lone candle. It was too much of a strain.
Alexei no longer had his toy soldiers, the guards having seized them some time earlier. Now he passed many hours cutting out paper soldiers with his little friend Leonid—lining them up in formation on the squares of a chessboard. We sisters helped to design different uniforms and color them. Anything to help the boys forget the dreary hours. The guards leaned over the boys’ shoulders commenting on the play.
Father wrote Yurovsky requesting a priest to come and hold a service. After a long debate with Dr. Botkin, one of the Commissars came at last to inform us that, on the next day, a priest would come to hold a service in the house, the first one in Ekaterinburg. Mother was ecstatic. We selected our choice icons and, with the help of our friends, we put up in the sitting room a small altar, a table covered with a hand-embroidered cloth. With the coming of the priest and the service a little light crept into the Ipatiev House.
Just before the service began, Alexei’s bed was brought into the room. He had been suffering from the cold as well as from swollen hands and legs partially paralyzed from his knees down. Yurovsky leered at us from one corner of the room but we ignored him. The priest’s voice trembled. He was upset for fear of making a mistake, probably knowing the fate of Father Vassiliev in Tobolsk.
It was an inspirational day; the simple ritual, the chanting, the Communion and its consummation, our lips kissed the cross, and our souls feasted on the Blessed Bread. Exaltation swept through us and we soared to an enveloping oneness with God. Father read the Holy Scripture and we all sang. What a day it was!
After the service Mother said: “The priest and the deacon seemed so sad. Priests are in great danger these days. I pray they get into no trouble for coming to the house.”
Did the guards feel as we felt that day? They did not interfere with our taking Holy Communion. God’s hand was upon us and we felt safer. The world of prison and persecution was not real. We had glimpsed the real world, that world where our souls were filled and a new life flowed into our withering flesh. Mother kept repeating: “The Communion has been such a healer.”
Perhaps it was the influence of this Communion service which gave us an inspiration. We girls put our heads together and wrote a prayer of seven verses, one for each member of the family. We memorized each verse completely so that we could destroy the written copy in order to keep the prayer to ourselves. We agreed that if we were ever separated, we could communicate with each other by using one or more of the verses as a sort of unwritten code. We were delighted with the idea and worked on its composition, each member contributing. Olga put the prayer together in its final form. Then we memorized it verse by verse. When everyone had mastered the prayer we tore into the tiniest bits the paper on which the prayer was written and disposed of them, a little at a time, every day. Six verses of the prayer follow: