| PAGE | |
| Editor’s Note | vii |
| Author’s Preface | xv |
| How Mark Would Safeguard England | 25 |
| Mark Philosophized on Willie | 33 |
| Mark—Regicide | 34 |
| The Funniest Speech Mark Ever Heard | 36 |
| Monarchical Atavism | 42 |
| Democratic Mark and the Austrian Aristocracy | 43 |
| Phil Sheridan’s Friend | 45 |
| “Elizabeth Was a He,” Said Mark | 47 |
| Mark, the Sleight-of-hand Man | 55 |
| Mark and the Imperial Mistress | 57 |
| Mark on Lynch Law | 59 |
| Recollections of King Charles and Grant | 62 |
| Mark Missed Gallows-land | 64 |
| Think of Her Sorrows | 66 |
| Breaking the News Gently | 67 |
| Dukes and Unborn Car Horses | 69 |
| “Pa Used to Be a Terrible Man” | 70 |
| Mark on the Berlin Cops | 71 |
| The Sausage Room | 74 |
| Mark’s Glimpse of Schopenhauer | 77 |
| “Murderer” Blucher in Oxford | 86 |
| Mark’s Human Side | 88 |
| An Australian Surprise | 90 |
| Mark in France and Italy | 92 |
| Why Mark Wouldn’t Like to Die Abroad | 93 |
| The Left Hand Didn’t Know | 95 |
| American Humorists | 96 |
| Telepathy or Suggestion | 97 |
| Trying to Be Serious Didn’t Work | 99 |
| Assorted Beauties | 100 |
| Mark’s Children Knew Him | 101 |
| Mark, Dogs, Dagoes, and Cats | 102 |
| The Tragedy of Genius | 103 |
| Kilties and the Lassie | 105 |
| A Wise Provision of Providence | 107 |
| The Awful German Language | 108 |
| Artist or Photographer | 110 |
| Mark Interviewed the Barber about Harry Thaw | 112 |
| His Portrait—a Mirror | 115 |
| Mark, Bismarck, Lincoln, and Darwin | 116 |
| Mark at the Stock Exchange, Vienna | 120 |
| Mark and the Prussian Lieutenant | 121 |
| Mark Studies the Costermonger Language | 123 |
| That Beautiful Funeral | 125 |
| Ada’s Beast of a Man | 126 |
| Jealousy in Lowland | 127 |
| The Troubles of Liz | 128 |
| The French Madame | 130 |
| The Great Disappointment | 134 |
| Rheumatism and Prodding | 137 |
| On Literary Friendships | 138 |
| Bayard Taylor’s German | 139 |
| Genius in Extremis | 140 |
| What May Happen to You after You Are Dead | 143 |
| Kings in Their Birthday Suits | 146 |
| Mark on Lincoln’s Humanity | 147 |
| An English Lover of Kings and a Hater | 150 |
| Mark Got Arrested in Berlin | 154 |
| Books that Weren’t Written | 157 |
| Mark Enjoyed Other Humorists | 160 |
| Mark and the English Hack-writer | 162 |
| Mark Thought Joan of Arc Was Slandered | 164 |
| Running Amuck—Almost | 166 |
| Mark’s Idiomatic Gems | 167 |
| Mark and the Girls that Love a Lord | 168 |
| Mark’s Martyrdom | 173 |
| Slang Not in Mark’s Dictionary | 175 |
| Mark “No Gentleman” | 177 |
| Mark, Poetry, and Art | 178 |
| Mark Sheds Light on English History | 179 |
| Mark Explains Dean Swift | 183 |
| Mark in Tragedy and Comedy | 185 |
| “Ambition Is a Jade that More Than One Man Can Ride” | 190 |
| Mark as a Translator | 192 |
| Mark in England | 194 |
| Why Mark Was Uncomfortable in the King of Sweden’s Presence | 196 |
| Mark’s Idea of High Art | 197 |
| Mark Meets King Leopold—Almost | 199 |
| Sizing Up of Aristocracy by Mark | 201 |
| The Bald-headed Woman | 204 |
| When a Publisher Dines and Wines You | 205 |
| Mark in Politics | 208 |
| Mark on “Royal Honors” | 209 |
| American Women the Prettiest | 212 |
| Where Tay Pay Isn’t Tay Pay | 213 |
| The Man Who Didn’t Get Used to Hanging | 214 |
| Stray Sayings of Mark | 218 |
| Eugene Field and His Troubles in Chicago | 223 |
| More of Eugene Field’s Trials in London | 227 |
| Gene, a “Success of Curiosity” | 230 |
| Dire Consequences of American Horseplay | 233 |
| Field’s Library of Humor | 240 |
| Those German Professors | 241 |
| Eugene Field and Northern Lore | 243 |
| Little Boy Blue | 246 |