A Flourish.[279] Enter Evander and Cratilus.
First[280] Court. Peace, the duke!
Evan. Nay, back t’ your seats:[281] who’s that?
Second Court. May’t please your highness, it is old Lysander.[282]
Evan. And brought in by his wife! a worthy precedent
Of one that no way would offend the law,
And should not pass away without remark.
You have been look’d for long.
Lys. But never fit
To die till now, my lord. My sins and I
Have been but newly parted; much ado
I had to get them leave me, or be taught
That difficult lesson, how to learn to die.
I never thought there had been such an act,
And ’tis the only discipline we are born for:
All studies else[283] are but as circular lines,
And death the centre where they must all meet.
I now can look upon thee, erring woman,Cro
And not be vex’d with jealousy; on young men,
Pleasure, and strength; all which were once mine own,
And mine must be theirs one day.
Evan. You have tam’d him.
Sim. And know how to dispose him; that, my liege,
Hath been before determin’d. You confess
Yourself of full age?
Lys. Yes, and prepar’d to inherit——
Eug. Your place above.[284]
Sim. Of which the hangman’s strength
Shall put him in possession.
Lys. ’Tis still car’d[285]
To take me willing and in mind to die;
And such are, when the earth grows weary of them,
Most fit for heaven.
Sim. The court shall make his mittimus,
And send him thither presently: i’th’ mean time——
Evan. Away[286] to death with him.
[Exit Cratilus with Lysander.
Enter Guard with Cleanthes, Hippolita following, weeping.
Sim. So! see another person brought to the bar.
First Court. The arch-malefactor.
Second Court. The grand offender,[287] the most refractory
To all good order;[288] ’tis Cleanthes, he——
Sim. That would have sons grave fathers, ere their fathers
Be sent unto their graves.
Evan. There will be expectation
In your severe proceedings against him;
His act being so capital.
Sim. Fearful and bloody;
Therefore we charge these women leave the court,
Lest they should swoon[289] to hear it.
Eug. I, in expectation
Of a most happy freedom. [Exit.
Hip. I, with the apprehension
Of a most sad and desolate widowhood. [Exit.
First Court. We bring him to the bar——
Second Court. Hold up your hand, sir.
Clean. More reverence to the place than to the persons:
To the one I offer up a [spreading][290] palm
Of duty and obedience, [a]s to heaven,
Imploring justice, which was never wanting
Upon that bench whilst their own fathers sat;
But unto you, my hands contracted thus,
As threatening vengeance against murderers,
For they that kill in thought shed innocent blood.—
With pardon of[291] your highness, too much passion
Made me forget your presence, and the place
I now am call’d to.
Evan. All our[292] majesty
And power we have to pardon or condemn
Is now conferr’d on them.
Sim. And these we’ll use
Little to thine advantage.
Clean. I expect it:
And as to these, I look no mercy from [them],
And much less mean[293] to entreat it. I thus now
Submit me [to] the emblems of your power,
The sword and bench: but, my most reverend judges,
Ere you proceed to sentence, (for I know
You have given me lost,) will you resolve me one thing?
First Court. So it be briefly question’d.
Second Court. Shew your humour;[294]
Day spends itself apace.
Clean. My lords, it shall.[295]
Resolve me, then, where are your filial tears,
Your mourning habits, and sad hearts become,
That should attend your fathers’ funeral[s]?
Though the stric[t] law (which I will not accuse,
Because a subject) snatch’d away their lives,
It doth not bar you[296] to lament their deaths:
Or if you cannot spare one sad suspire,
It doth not bid you laugh them to their graves,
Lay subtle trains to antedate their years,
To be the sooner seis’d of their estates.
O, time of age! where’s that Æneas now,
Who letting all his jewels to the flames;
Forgetting country, kindred, treasure, friends,
Fortunes, and all things, save the name of son,
Which you so much forget, godlike[297] Æneas,
Who took his bedrid father on his back,
And with that sacred load (to him no burthen)
Hew’d out his way through blood, through fire, through [arms],
Even all the arm’d streets of bright-burning Troy,
Only to save a father?
Sim. We’ve[298] no leisure now
To hear lessons read from Virgil; we’re[299] past school,
And all this time thy judges.
Second Court. It is[300] fit
That we proceed to sentence.
First Court. You are the mouth,
And now ’tis fit to open.
Sim. Justice, indeed,
Should ever be close-ear’d and open-mouth’d;
That is, to hear a[301] little, and speak much.
Know then, Cleanthes, there is none can be
A good son and bad[302] subject; for, if princes
Be call’d the people’s fathers, then the subjects
Are all his sons, and he that flouts the prince
Doth disobey his father: there you’re[303] gone.
First Court. And not to be recover’d.
Sim. And again—
Second Court. If he be gone once, call him not again.
Sim. I say again, this act of thine expresses
A double disobedience: as our princes
Are fathers, so they are our sovereigns too;
And he that doth rebel ’gainst[304] sovereignty
Doth commit treason in the height of degree:
And now thou art quite gone.
First Court. Our brother in commission
Hath spoke his mind both learnedly and neatly,
And I can add but little; howsoever,
It shall send him packing.
He that begins a fault that wants example
Ought to be made example for the fault.
Clean. A fault! no longer can I hold myself
To hear vice upheld and virtue thrown down.
A fault! judge, I desire, then,[305] where it lieth,
In those that are my judges, or in me:
Heaven stand[s] on my side, pity, love, and duty.
Sim. Where are they, sir? who sees them but yourself?
Clean. Not you; and I am sure
You never had the gracious eyes to see them.
You think [that] you arraign me, but I hope
To sentence you at the bar.
Second Court. That would shew brave.
Clean. This were the judgment-seat we [stand at] now![306]
[Of] the heaviest crimes that ever made up [sin],
Unnaturalness and inhumanity,
You are found foul and guilty, by a jury
Made of your fathers’ curses, which have brought
Vengeance impending on you; and I, now,
Am forc’d to pronounce judgment on my judges.
The common laws of reason and of nature
Condemn you, ipso facto; you are parricides,
And if you marry, will beget the like,[307]
Who, when they’re[308] grown to full maturity,
Will hurry you, their fathers, to their graves.
Like traitors, you take council from the living,
Of upright judgment you would rob the bench,
(Experience and discretion snatch’d away
From the earth’s face,) turn all into disorder,
Imprison virtue, and infranchise vice,
And put the sword of justice into the hands
Of boys and madmen.
Sim. Well, well, have you done, sir?
Clean. I have spoke my thoughts.
Sim. Then I’ll begin and end.
Evan. ’Tis time I now begin—
Here[309] your commission ends.
Cleanthes, come you[310] from the bar. Because
I know you are[311] severally disposed, I here
Invite you to an object will, no doubt,
Work in you contrary effects.—Music!
Loud Music. Enter Leonides, Creon, Lysander,
and other old men.
Clean. Pray, heaven, I dream not! sure he moves, talks comfortably,
As joy can wish a man. If he be chang’d
(Far above from me), he’s[312] not ill entreated;
His face doth promise fulness of content,
And glory hath a part in’t.
Leon. O my son!
Evan. You that can claim acquaintance with these lads,
Talk freely.
Sim. I can see none there that’s worth
One hand to you from me.
Evan. These are thy judges, and by their grave law
I find thee clear, but these delinquents guilty.
You must change places, for ’tis so decreed:
Such just pre-eminence hath thy goodness gain’d,
Thou art the judge now, they the men arraign’d.
[To Cleanthes.
First Court. Here’s fine dancing, gentlemen.
Second Court. Is thy father amongst them?
Sim.[313] O, pox![314] I saw him the first thing I look’d on.
Alive again! ’slight, I believe now a father
Hath as many lives as a mother.
Clean.[315] ’Tis full as blessed as ’tis wonderful.
O, bring me back to the same law again!
I am fouler than all these; seize on me, officers,
And bring me to new sentence.
Sim.[316] What’s all this?
Clean. A fault not to be pardon’d,
Unnaturalness is but sin’s shadow to it.
Sim. I am glad of that; I hope the case may alter,
And I turn judge again.
Evan. Name your offence.
Clean. That I should be so vild[317]
As once to think you cruel.
Evan. Is that all?
’Twas pardon’d ere confess’d: you that have sons,
If they be worthy, here may challenge them.[318]
Creon.[319] I should have one amongst them, had he had grace
To have retain’d that name.
Sim. I pray you, father. [Kneels.
Creon.[320] That name, I know, hath been long since forgot.
Sim. I find but small comfort in remembering it now.
Evan. Cleanthes, take your place[321] with these grave father[s],
And read what in that table is inscrib’d.
[Gives him a paper.
Now set these at the bar,
And read, Cleanthes, to the dread and terror
Of disobedience and unnatural blood.

Clean. [reads.] It is decreed by the grave and learned council of Epire, that no son and heir shall be held capable of his inheritance at the age of one and twenty, unless he be at that time as mature[322] in obedience, manners, and goodness.

Sim. Sure I shall never be at full age, then, though I live to an hundred years; and that’s nearer by twenty than the last statute allowed.

First Court. A terrible act!

Clean.[323] Moreover, [it] is enacted that all sons aforesaid, whom either this law, or their own grace, shall[324] reduce into the true method of duty, virtue, and affection, [shall appear before us][325] and relate their trial and approbation from Cleanthes, the son of Leonides—from me, my lord!

Evan. From none but you, as fullest. Proceed, sir.

Clean. Whom, for his manifest virtues, we make such judge and censor of youth, and the absolute reference of life and manners.

Sim. This is a brave world! when a man should be selling land, he must be learning manners. Is’t not, my masters?

Re-enter Eugenia.
Eug. What’s here to do? my suitors at the bar!
The old band[326] shines again: O miserable! [She swoons.

Evan. Read the law over to her, ’twill awake her: ’Tis on deserves small pity.

Clean. Lastly, it is ordained, that all such wives now whatsoever, that shall design the[ir] husbands’ death, to be soon rid of them, and entertain suitors in their husbands’ lifetime—

Sim. You had best read that a little louder; for, if any thing, that will bring her to herself again, and find her tongue.

Clean. Shall not presume, on the penalty of our heavy displeasure, to marry within ten years after.

Eug. That law’s too long by nine years and a half, I’ll take my death upon’t, so shall most women.

Clean. And those incontinent women so offending, to be judge[d] and censured by Hippolita, wife to Cleanthes.

Eug. Of all the rest, I’ll not be judg[’d] by her.

Re-enter Hippolita.
Clean. Ah! here she comes. Let me prevent thy joys,
Prevent them but in part, and hide the rest;
Thou hast not strength enough to bear them, else.
Hip. Leonides! [She faints.
Clean. I fear’d it all this while;
I knew ’twas past thy power. Hippolita!—
What contrariety is in women’s blood!
One faints for spleen and anger, she for grace.
Evan. Of sons and wives we see the worst and best.
May[327] future ages yield Hippolitas
Many; but few like thee, Eugenia!
Let no Simonides henceforth have a fame,
But all blest sons live in Cleanthes’ name—
[Harsh music within.
Ha! what strange kind of melody was that?
Yet give it entrance, whatsoe’er it be,
This day is all devote to liberty.

Enter Fiddlers, Gnotho, Courtezan, Cook, Butler, &c. with the old Women, Agatha, and one bearing a bridecake for the wedding.

Gnoth. Fiddlers, crowd on, crowd on;[328] let no man lay a block in your way.—Crowd on, I say.

Evan. Stay the crowd awhile; let’s know the reason of this jollity.

Clean. Sirrah, do you know where you are?

Gnoth. Yes, sir; I am here, now here, and now here again, sir.

Lys. Your hat[329] is too high crown’d, the duke in presence.

Gnoth. The duke! as he is my sovereign, I do give him two crowns for it,[330] and that’s equal change all the world over: as I am lord of the day (being my marriage-day the second) I do advance [my] bonnet. Crowd on afore.

Leon. Good sir, a few words, if you will[331] vouchsafe ’em;
Or will you be forc’d?
Gnoth. Forced! I would the duke himself would say so.
Evan. I think he dares, sir, and does; if you stay not,
You shall be forc’d.

Gnoth. I think so, my lord, and good reason too; shall not I stay, when your grace says I shall? I were unworthy to be a bridegroom in any part of your highness’s dominions, then: will it please you to taste of the wedlock-courtesy?

Evan. O, by no means, sir; you shall not deface
So fair an ornament for me.

Gnoth. If your grace please to be cakated, say so.

Evan. And which might be your fair bride, sir?

Gnoth. This is my two for one that must be, [the] uxor uxoris, the remedy doloris, and the very syceum amoris.

Evan. And hast thou any else?

Gnoth. I have an older, my lord, for other uses.

Clean. My lord,
I do observe a strange decorum here:
These that do lead this day of jollity
Do march with music and most mirthful cheeks;
Those that do follow, sad and wofully,
Nearer the haviour of a funeral
Than [of] a wedding.
Evan. ’Tis true: pray expound that, sir.

Gnoth. As the destiny of the day falls out, my lord, one goes[332] to wedding, another goes to hanging; and your grace, in the due consideration, shall find ’em much alike; the one hath the ring upon her finger, the other the[333] halter about her neck. I take thee, Beatrice, says the bridegroom; I take thee, Agatha, says the hangman; and both say together, to have and to hold, till death do part us.

Evan. This is not yet plain enough to my understanding.

Gnoth. If further your grace examine it, you shall find I shew myself a dutiful subject, and obedient to the law, myself, with these my good friends, and your good subjects, our old wives, whose days are ripe, and their lives forfeit to the law: only myself, more forward than the rest, am already provided of my second choice.

Evan. O, take heed, sir, you’ll run yourself into danger!
If the law finds you with two wives at once,
There’s a shrewd premunire.

Gnoth. I have taken leave of the old, my lord. I have nothing to say to her; she’s going to sea, your grace knows whither, better than I do: she has a strong wind with her, it stands full in her poop; when you please, let her disembogue.

Cook. And the rest of her neighbours with her, whom we present to the satisfaction of your highness’ law.

Gnoth. And so we take our leaves, and leave them to your highness.—Crowd on.[334]

Evan. Stay, stay, you are too forward. Will you marry,
And your wife yet living?

Gnoth. Alas! she’ll be dead before we can get to church. If your grace would set her in the way, I would despatch her: I have a venture on’t, which would return me, if your highness would make a little more haste, two for one.

Evan. Come, my lords, we must sit again; here’s a case
Craves a most serious censure.

Cook. Now they shall be despatch’d out of the way.

Gnoth. I would they were gone once; the time goes away.

Evan. Which is the wife unto the forward bridegroom?

Aga. I am, and[335] it please your grace.

Evan. Trust me, a lusty woman, able-bodied,
And well-blooded cheeks.

Gnoth. O, she paints, my lord; she was a chambermaid once, and learnt it of her lady.

Evan. Sure I think she cannot be so old.

Aga. Truly I think so too, and please your grace.

Gnoth. Two to one with your grace of that! she’s threescore by the book.

Leon. Peace, sirrah, you’re too loud.

Cook. Take heed, Gnotho;[336] if you move the duke’s patience, ’tis an edge-tool; but a word and a blow; he cuts off your head.

Gnoth. Cut off my head! away, ignorant! he knows it cost more in the hair; he does not use to cut off many such heads as mine: I will talk to him too; if he cut off my head, I’ll give him my ears. I say my wife is at full age for the law; the clerk shall take his oath, and the church-book shall be sworn too.

Evan. My lords, I leave this censure to you.
Leon. Then first, this fellow does deserve punishment,
For offering up a lusty able woman,
Which may do service to the commonwealth,
Where the law craves one impotent and useless.
Creon. Therefore to be severely punish’d,
For thus attempting a second marriage,
His wife yet living.
Lys. Nay, to have it trebled;
That even the day and instant when he should mourn,
As a kind husband, at[337] her funeral,
He leads a triumph to the scorn of it;
Which unseasonable joy ought to be punish’d
With all severity.
But. The fiddles will be in a foul case too, by and by.
Leon. Nay, further; it seems he has a venture
Of two for one at his second marriage,
Which cannot be but a conspiracy
Against the former.

Gnoth. A mess of wise old men!

Lys. Sirrah, what can you answer to all these?

Gnoth. Ye are good old men, and talk as age will give you leave. I would speak with the youthful duke himself; he and I may speak of things that shall be thirty or forty years after you are dead and rotten. Alas! you are here to-day, and gone to sea to-morrow.

Evan. In troth, sir, then I must be plain with you.
The law that should take away your old wife from you,
The which I do perceive was your desire,
Is void and frustrate; so for the rest:
There has been since another parliament
Has cut it off.

Gnoth. I see your grace is disposed to be pleasant.

Evan. Yes, you might perceive that; I had not else
Thus dallied with your follies.

Gnoth. I’ll talk further with your grace when I come back from church; in the mean time, you know what to do with the old women.

Evan. Stay, sir, unless in the mean time you mean
I cause a gibbet to be set up in your way,
And hang you at your return.

Aga. O gracious prince!

Evan. Your old wives cannot die to-day by any
Law of mine; for aught I can say to ’em,
They may, by a new edict, bury you,
And then, perhaps, you[’ll] pay a new fine too.
Gnoth. This is fine, indeed!
Aga. O gracious prince! may he live a hundred years more.

Cook. Your venture is not like to come in today, Gnotho.[338]

Gnoth. Give me the principal back.

Cook. Nay, by my troth we’ll venture still—and I’m sure we have as ill a venture of it as you; for we have taken old wives of purpose, that[339] we had thought to have put away at this market, and now we cannot utter a pennyworth.

Evan. Well, sirrah, you were best to discharge your new charge, and take your old one to you.

Gnoth. O music! no music, but prove most doleful trumpet;[340]
O bride! no bride, but thou mayst prove a strumpet;
O venture! no venture, I have, for one, now none;
O wife! thy life is sav’d when I hop’d it had[341] been gone.
Case up your fruitless strings; no penny, no wedding;
Case up thy maidenhead; no priest, no bedding:
Avaunt, my venture! it can ne’er be restor’d,
Till Ag, my old wife, be thrown overboard:
Then come again, old Ag, since it must be so;
Let bride and venture with woful music go.

Cook. What for the bridecake, Gnotho?[342]

Gnoth. Let it be mouldy, now ’tis out of season,
Let it grow out of date, currant, and reason;
Let it be chipt and chopt, and given to chickens.
No more is got by that than William Dickins
Got by his wooden dishes.
Put up your plums, as fiddlers put up pipes,
The wedding dash’d, the bridegroom weeps and wipes.
Fiddlers, farewell! and now, without perhaps,
Put up your fiddles as you put up scraps.

Lys. This passion[343] has given some satisfaction yet. My lord, I think you’ll pardon him now, with all the rest, so they live honestly with the wives they have.

Evan. O, most freely; free pardon to all.

Cook. Ay, we have deserved our pardons, if we can live honestly with such reverend wives, that have no motion in ’em but their tongues.

Aga. Heaven bless your grace! you’re a just prince.