Where are discovered Primero, Courtesans, Novice, Goldstone, Pursenet, Frippery, Tailby, Bungler, Fulk, Arthur, Boy, and Servant.
Pri. Where be your liveries?
First C. They attend without.
Pri. Go, call the coach. [Exit Servant.]—Gentlemen, you have excelled in kindness as we in boldness.
Tai. So you think amiss, sir.
Pur. O, here’s master Bouser now.
Fit. Save you, sweet gentlemen.
Tai. Sweet master Bouser, welcome.
Pur. When come these dice?
[Within.] Anon, anon, sir.
Pur. Yet anon, anon, sir!
Gol. Hast thou shewn art in ’em?
Fulk. You shall be judge, sir; here be the tavern-beakers, and here peep out the fine alchemy[539] knaves, looking like well, sir, most of our gallants, that seem what they are not.
Gol. Peace, villain, am not I in presence?
Fulk. Why, that puts me in mind of the jest, sir.
Gol. Again, you chatterer?[540]
Fulk. Nay, compare ’em, and spare ’em not.
Gol. The bigness of the bore, just the same size; the marks, no difference. Away, put money in thy pocket, and offer to draw in upon the least occasion.
Fulk. I am no babe, sir.
Gol. Hist!
Fulk. What’s the matter now?
Gol. Give me a pair of false dice ere you go.
Fulk. Pax[541] on’t, you’re so troublesome too, you cannot remember a thing before! If I stay a little longer, I shall be staid anon.
Vin. Here be dice for your worships.
Pur. O, come, come!
Vin. Master Goldstone——
Gol. How now, you conjuring rascal?
Vin. Bless your good worship; you’re in humours, methinks.
Gol. Humours? say that again.
Vin. I said no such word, sir.—Would I had my beakers out on’s fingers! [Aside.
Gol. What’s thy name, vintner?
Vin. Jack, and[543] please your worship.
Gol. Turn knight, like thy companions, scoundrel, live upon usury, wear thy gilt spurs at thy girdle for fear of slubbering.
Vin. O no, I hope I shall have more grace than so, sir! Pray, let me help your worship.
Gol. Cannot I push ’em together without your help?
Vin. O, I beseech your worship! they’re the two standards of my house.
Gol. Standards? there lie your standards.
Vin. Good your worship.—I am glad they are out of his fingers: my wife shall lock ’em up presently; they shall see no sun this twelvemonth’s day for this trick. [Aside.
Gol. Let me come to the sight of your standards again.
Vin. Your worship shall pardon me.—Now you shall not see ’em in haste, I warrant ye. [Aside.
Gol. I do not desire’t. Ha, ha!
Fit. Why, master Goldstone!
Gol. I am for you, gallants.—Master Bouser, cry you mercy, sir: why supped you from us?
Fit. Faith, sir, I met with a couple of my fellow-pupils at university, and so we renewed our acquaintance and supped together.
Gol. Fie, that’s none of the newest fashion, I must tell you that, master Bouser: you must never take acquaintance of any a’ th’ university when you are at London; nor any of London when you’re at university: you must be more forgetful, i’faith; every place ministers his acquaintance abundantly.
Bun. He tells you true, sir.
Gol. I warrant you here’s a gentleman will ne’er commit such an absurdity.
Bun. Who, I? no: ’tis well known, if I be disposed, I’ll forget any man in a seven-night, and yet look him in the face: nay, let him ride but ten mile from me, and come home again, it shall be at my choice whether I’ll remember him or no: I have tried that.
Gol. This is strange, sir.
Bun. ’Tis as a man gives his mind to’t, sir: and now you bring me in, I remember ’twas once my fortune to be cozened of all my clothes, and with my clothes my money; a poor shepherd, pitying me, took me in and relieved me.
Gol. ’Twas kindly done of him, i’faith.
Bun. Nay, you shall see now: ’twas his fortune likewise, not long after, to come to me in much distress, i’faith, and with weeping eyes; and do you think I remembered him?
Gol. You could not choose.
Bun. By my troth, not I; I forgot him quite, and never remembered him to this hour.
Gol. And yet knew who he was?
Bun. As well as I know you, i’faith: ’tis a gift given to some above others.
Fit.[545] To fools and knaves; they never miss on’t. [Aside.
Bun. Does any make such a wonder at this? why, alas, ’tis nothing to forget others! what say you to those that forget themselves?
Fri. I am very well here, I thank you, sir: I had rather be telling my money myself than have others count it for me; ’tis the scurviest music in the world, methinks, to hear my money gingle in other men’s pockets; I never had any mind to’t, i’faith.
Fulk. Rather than you should be destitute, gentlemen, I’ll play my ten pound, if my master’s worship will give me leave.
Pur. Come.
Tai. He shall, he shall.
Gol. Pray, excuse me, gentlemen.—’Sfoot, how now, goodman rascal? what! because you served my grandfather when he went ambassador, and got some ten pound by th’ hand, has that put such spirit in you to offer to draw in among gentlemen of worship, knave?
Tai. Pray, sir, let’s entreat so much for once.
Bun. Ay, and with their maids too, i’faith.
Pur. Good sir, give him leave.
Gol. Yes, come, and[552] you be weary on’t; I pray draw near, sir.
Fulk. Not so, sir.
Tai. Come, fool, fear nothing; I warrant ’t ye has given thee leave: stand here by me.—Come now, set round, gentlemen, set.
Pur. How the poor fellow shakes!—Throw lustily, man.
Fulk. At all, gentlemen!
Tai. Well said, i’faith.
Pur. They’re all thine.[553]
Tai. By my troth, I am glad the fellow has such luck, ’twill encourage him well.
Fulk. At my master’s worship alone!
Gol. Now, sir slave?
Fulk. At my master’s worship alone!
Gol. So, saucy rascal!
Fulk. At my master’s worship alone!
Gol. You’re a rogue, and will be ever one![554]
Fulk. By my troth, gentlemen, at all again for once!
Tai. Take ’em to thee, boy, take ’em to thee; thou’rt worthy of ’em, i’faith.
Gol. Gentlemen, faith I am angry with you: go and suborn my knave again[555] me here, to make him proud and peremptory!
Tai. Troth, that’s but your conceit, sir; the fellow’s an honest fellow, and knows his duty, I dare swear for him.
Pur. Heart, I am sick already!
Gol. Whither goes master [Pursenet]?
Pur. Play on; I’ll take my turn, sir.—Boy.
Boy. Master?
Pur. Hist![556] a supply;—carry’t closely, my little fooker,—how much?
Boy. Three pound, sir.
Pur. Good boy! take out another lesson.—How now, gentlemen?
Tai. Devil’s in’t, did you e’er see such a hand?
Pur. I set you these three angels.[557]
Boy. My master may set high, for all his stakes are drawn out of other men’s pockets. [Aside.
Fulk. As I said, gentlemen.
Pur. Deuce, ace!
Fulk. At all your right worshipful worships!
Pur. &c.[558] Death and vengeance!
Gol. Hell, darkness!
Tai. Hold, sir.
Pur. Master Goldstone——
Gol. Hinder me not, sweet gentlemen.—You rascal, I banish thee the board.
Tai. I’faith, but you shall not, sir.
Gol. Touch a die, and[559] thou darest! come you in with your lousy ten pound, you slave, among gentlemen of worship, and win thirty at a hand?
Tai. Why, will you kick again[560] luck, sir?
Bun. As long as the poor fellow ventures the loss of his own money, who can be offended at his fortunes?
Fulk. I have a master here! many a gentleman would be glad to see his man come forward, aha.
Pur. Pray, be persuaded, sir.
Bun. Methinks his luck’s good enough, sir.
Gol. Upon condition, gentlemen, that I may ever bar him from the board hereafter, I am content to wink at him.
Pur. Faith, use your own pleasure hereafter; has won our money now.—Come to th’ table, sir; your master’s friends with you.
Fulk. Pray, gentlemen——
Tai. The fiend’s in’t, I think: I left a fair chain of pearl at my lodging too, like an ass, and ne’er remembered it; that would ha’ been a good pawn now.—Speak, what do you lend upon these, master Frip? [Offering his weapons, with girdle and hangers] I care not much if you take my beaver hat too, for I perceive ’tis dark enough already, and it does but trouble me here.
Fri. Very well, sir; why, now I can lend you three pound, sir.
Tai. Prithee, do’t quickly then.
Fri. There ’tis, in six angels.[561]
Tai. Very compendiously.
Fri. Here, Arthur, run away with these presently; I’ll enter ’em into th’ shop-book to-morrow. [Exit Arthur with weapons, &c.] [Writing] Item, one gilt hatcht[562] rapier and dagger, with a fair embroidered girdle and hangers,[563] with which came also a beaver hat with a correspondent band.
Tai. Push![564] i’faith, sir, you’re to blame; you have snibbed[565] the poor fellow too much; he can scarce speak, he cleaves his words with sobbing.
Fulk. Haff,[566] haff, haff, haff at all, gentlemen.
Gol. Ah, rogue, I’ll make you know yourself!
Fulk. At the fairest!
Pur. Out, i’faith! two aces.
Gol. I am glad of that; come, pay me all these, goodman cloak-bag.
Pur. Why, are you the fairest, sir?
Gol. You need not doubt of that, sir.—Five angels, you scoundrel!
Tai. Fie[567] a’ these dice! not one hand to-night!—There they go, gentlemen, at all, i’faith!
Pur. Pay all with two treys and a quater.
Tai. All curses follow ’em! pay yourselves withal.—I’ll pawn myself to’t, but I’ll see a hand to-night: not once hold in!—Here, master Frip, lend me your hand, quick, quick; so.
Fri. What do you borrow of this doublet now?
Tai. Ne’er saw the world three days.
Fri. Go to; in regard you’re a continual customer I’ll use you well, and pleasure you with five angels[568] upon’t.
Tai. Let me not stand too long i’ th’ cold for them.
Bun. Had ever country gentleman such fortune? All swoopt away! I’d need repair to th’ broker’s.
Tai. If you be in that mind, sir, there sits a gentleman will furnish you upon any pawn as well as the publickst broker of ’em all.
Bun. Say you so, sir? there’s comfort in that, i’faith.
Fri. [Writing] Item, upon his orange-tawny satin doublet five angels.
Bun. But, by your leave, sir, next come[569] the breeches.
Fri. O, I have tongue fit for any thing.
Bun. Saving your tale, sir; ’tis given me to understand that you are a gentleman i’ th’ hundred, and deal in the premises aforesaid.
Fri. Master Bungler, master Bungler, you’re mightily mistook: I am content to do a gentleman a pleasure for once, so his pawn be neat and sufficient.
Bun. Why, what say you to my grandfather’s seal-ring here?
Fri. Ay, marry, sir, this is somewhat like.
Bun. Nay, view it well; an ancient arms, I can tell you.
Fri. What’s this, sir?
Bun. The great cod-piece, with nothing in’t.
Fri. How!
Bun. The word[570] about it, Parturiunt montes.
Fri. What’s that, I pray, sir?
Bun. You promise to mount us.
Fri. And belike he was not so good as his word?
Bun. So it should seem by the story, for so our names came to be Bunglers.
Fri. A lamentable hearing, that so great a house should shrink and fall to ruin!
Pur. Two quaters, and yet lose it? heart!—Boy!—i’faith, what is’t?
Boy. Five pound, sir.
Pur. By my troth, this boy goes forward well; ye shall see him come to his preferment i’ th’ end!
Gol. Why, how now? who’s that, gentlemen? a bargeman?
Tai. I never have any luck, gallants, till my doublet’s off; Pm not half nimble enough. At this old cinque-quater drivel-beard!
Gol.[571] Your worship must pay me all these, sir.
Tai. There, and feast the devil with ’em!
Pur. Hell gnaw these dice!
Gol. What, do you give over, gallants?
Fit.[572] Is’t not time?
Tai. I protest I have but one angel left to guide me home to my lodging.
Gol. How much, thinkest?
Fulk. Some fourscore angels, sir.
Gol. Peace, we’ll join powers anon, and see how strong we are in the whole number. Mass, yon gilt goblet stands so full in mine eye, the whorson tempts me; it comes like cheese after a great feast, to disgest[573] the rest: he will hardly ’scape me, i’faith, I see that by him already: back for a parting blow now.—Boy!
Vin. Anon, anon, sir.
Gol. Fetch a pennyworth of soft wax to seal letters.
Vin. I will, sir. [Exit.
Tai. Nay, had not I strange casting? thrice together two quaters and a deuce!
Pur. Why, was not I as often haunted with two treys and a quater?
Vin. There’s wax for your worship.—Anon, anon, sir. [Exit.
Gol. Screen me a little, you whorson old cross-biter.[574]
Fulk. Why, what’s the business? filch it on hob goblet!
Pur. And what has master Bouser lost?
Fit. Faith, not very deeply, sir; enough for a scholar, some half a score royals.
Pur. ’Sfoot, I have lost as many with spurs[575] at their heels.
Gol. Come, gallants, shall we stumble?
Tai. What’s a’ clock?
First D. Here’s none on’t, Dick; the goblet’s carried down.
Gol. Nay, ’tis upon the point of three, boy.
Sec. D. What’s[576] to be done, sirs?
Vin. All’s paid, and your worships are welcome; only there’s a goblet missing, gentlemen, and cannot be found about house.
Gol. How, a goblet?
Pur. What manner a’ one?
Vin. A gilt goblet, sir, of an indifferent size.
Gol. ’Sfoot, I saw such a one lately.
Vin. It cannot be found now, sir.
Gol. Came there no strangers here?
Vin. No, sir.
Gol. This [is] a marvellous matter, that a goblet should be gone, and none but we in the room; the loss is near all,[577] here as we are; keep the door, vintner.
Vin. No, I beseech your worship.
Gol. By my troth, vintner, we’ll have a privy search for this. What! we are not all one woman’s children.
Vin. I beseech ye, gentlemen, have not that conceit of me, that I suspect your worships.
Gol. Tut, you are an ass; do you know every man’s nature? there’s a broker i’ th’ company.
Pur. ’Slife, you have not stole the goblet, boy, have you?
Boy. Not I, sir.
Pur. I was afraid.—’Tis a good cause, i’faith, let each man search his fellow: we’ll begin with you.
Tai. I shall save somebody a labour, gentlemen, for I’m half searched already.
Pur. I thought the goblet had hung here, i’faith; none here, nor here.
Gol. Seek about floor.—What was the goblet worth, vintner?
Vin. Three pound ten shillings, sir; no more.
Gol. Pox on’t, gentlemen, ’tis but angels[578] a-piece: it shall be a brace of mine, rather than I would have our reputations breathed upon by all comers; for you must think they’ll talk on’t in all companies—such a night, in such a company, such a goblet: ’sfoot, it may grow to a gangrene in our credits, and be incurable.
Tai. Faith, I am content.
Fri. So am I.
Pur. There’s my angel too.
Gol. So, and mine.—I’ll tell thee what, the missing of this goblet has dismayed the gentlemen much.
Vin. I am sorry for that, sir.
Gol. Yet they send thee this comfort by me; if they see thee but rest satisfied, and depart away contented, which will appear in thy countenance, not three times thrice the worth of the goblet shall hang between them and thee, both in their continual custom and all their acquaintances’.
Vin. I thank their worships all; I am satisfied.
Gol. Say it again.—Do you hear, gentlemen?
Vin. I thank your worships all; I am satisfied.
Gol. Why, la, was not this better than hazarding our reputations upon trifles, and in such public as a tavern, such a questionable place?
Tai. True.
Pur. Faith,[579] it was well thought on.
Gol. Nay, keep your way, gentlemen: I have sworn, master Bouser, I will be last, i’faith. [Exeunt all except Goldstone and Fulk.]—Rascal, the goblet!
Fulk. Where, sir?
Gol. Peep yon,[580] sir, under.
Fulk. Here, sir.[581] [Exeunt.
Tai. [reads] My husband is rode from home: make no delay; I know, if your will be as free as your horse, you will see me yet ere dinner. From Kingston, this eleventh of November.—Hah! these women are such creatures, such importunate, sweet souls, they’ll scarce give a man leave to be ready;[583] that’s their only fault, i’faith: if they be once set upon a thing, why, there’s no removing of ’em, till their pretty wills be fulfilled. O, pity thy poor oppressed client here, sweet Cupid, that has scarce six hours’ vacation in a month, his causes hang in so many courts! yet never suffer my French adversary, nor his big swoln confederates, to overthrow me,