Py. No less than forty pound in fair gold at one lift! the next shall swoon and swoon again till the devil fetch him, ere I set hand to him. Heart, nothing vexes me so much, but that I paid the goldsmith[652] for the change too not an hour before: had I let it alone in the chain of silver as it was at first, it might have given me some notice at his departure: ’sfoot, I could fight with a windmill now. Sure ’twas some unlucky villain: why should he come and salute me wrongfully too, mistake me at noonday? Now I think on’t in cold blood, it could not be but an induction to some villanous purpose: well, I shall meet him——
Pur. This forty pound came fortunately to redeem my chain of pearl from mortgage: I would not care how often I swooned[653] to have such a good caudle[654] to comfort me; gold and pearl are[655] very restorative.
Py. See, yonder’s the rogue I suspect for foul play! I’ll walk muffled by him, offer some offence or cause of a quarrel, only to try his temper; if he be a coward, he’s the likelier to be a rogue, an infallible note.
Pur. What a pox ail you, sir? would I had been aware of you!
Py. Sir, speak you to me?
Pur. Not I, sir: pray, keep on your way; I have nothing to say to you.
Py. You’re a rascal!
Pur. You may say your pleasure, sir; but I hope I go not like a rascal.
Py. Are you fain to fly to your clothes because you’re gallant? why, there’s no rascal like your gallant rascal, believe that.
Pur. You have took me at such an hour, faith, you may call me e’en what you please; nothing will move me.
Py. No? I’ll make somewhat move you. Draw! I suspected you were a rogue, and you have purst it up well with a coward!
Pur. Who, my patron?
Py. Keep out, you rascal!
Pur. The guest that did me the kindness in Paul’s? Hold! as you are a gentleman; you’ll give me breath, sir?
Py. Are you there with me? a vengeance stop you! You have found breath enough to run away from me. I will never meet this slave hereafter in a morning but I will breathe myself upon him; since I can have no other satisfaction, he shall save me that forty pound in fence-school. [Exit.
O monsieur Primero, signior Frip; is it you, gallants?'
Tai. Every bawd exceeds me in fortune: master Primero was robbed of a carkanet[659] upon Monday last; laid[660] the goldsmiths, and found it. I ha’ laid goldsmith,[661] jeweller, burnisher, broker, and the devil and all, I think, yet could never so much as hear of that chain of pearl: he was a notable thief; he works close. Peace, who be these? ha, let me see. By this light, there it is! Back, lest they see thee: a happy minute! Goldstone? What an age do we breathe in! who that saw him now would think he were maintained by purses? so, who that meets me would think I were maintained by wenches? As far as I can see, ’tis all one case, and holds both in one court; we are both maintained by the common roadway! Keep thou thine own heart, thou livest unsuspected. I leese[662] you again now.
Pri. Faith, we saw none, sir.
Tai. Good officers, upon suspicion of felony.
S. Con. Very good, sir.
F. Con. What call you the thief’s name you do suspect?
Tai. Master Justinian Goldstone.
F. Con. Remember, master Justice Goldstone; a terrible world the whilst, my masters!
Tai. Look you, that’s he: upon him, officers!
F. Con. I see him not yet; which is he, sir?
Tai. Why, that.
F. Con. He a thief, sir? who, that gentleman i’ th’ satin?
Tai. E’en he.
F. Con. Farewell, sir; you’re a merry gentleman.
Tai. As you will answer it, officers! I’ll bear you out, I’ll be your warrant.
F. Con. Nay, and[663] you say so—what’s his name then?
Tai. Justinian Goldstone.
F. Con. Master Justinian Goldstone, we apprehend you, sir, upon suspicion of felony.
Gol. Me?
Tai. You, sir.
S. Con. I charge you, in the king’s name, gentlemen, to assist us.
Gol. Master Tailby!
Tai. The same man, sir.
Gol. Life, what’s the news?
Tai. Ha’ you forgot Combe Park?
Gol. Combe Park? no, ’tis in Kingston way.
Tai. I believe you’ll find it so.
Gol. I not deny it.
F. Con. Bear witness, has confessed.
Gol. What have I confessed? Pair of coxcombs indubitable!
Gol. Pox on’t, that e’er I saw’t!
Fri. Can you but swear ’tis he? do but that, and you tickle him, i’faith.
Tai. Nay, and[666] it come once to swearing, let me alone.
Fri. Say, and hold; he called my jewels counterfeit, and so cheated the poor wench of ’em.
F. Con. Come, bring him away, come.
Gol. ’Twill call my state in question.
Gol. The chain of pearl?
Pur. By my troth, it’s mine.
Gol. By my troth, much good do’t you, sir.
Fri. I’m glad in my soul, sir.[668]
F. Con. Deliver your weapons.
Pur. How?
F. Con. You’re apprehended upon suspicion of felony.
Pur. Felony? what’s that?
Tai. Was it you, i’faith, sir, all this while, that did me that kindness to ease both my pockets at Combe Park?
Pur. I, sir? Pray, gentlemen, draw near; let’s talk among ourselves.—Stand apart, scoundrel.—Must every gentleman be upbraided in public that flies out now and then upon necessity, to be themes for pedlars and weavers? This should not be; ’twas never seen among the Romans, nor read we of it in the time of Brute: are we more brutish now? Did I list to blab, do not I know your course of life, master Tailby, to be as base as the basest, maintained by me, by him, by all of us, and ’a second-hand from mistresses? I’ve their letters here to shew.
Pray, what moves you, sir? why should you shake your head? you’re clear; sure I should know you, sir: pray, are not you sometimes a pander, and oftener a bawd, sir? have I never sinned in your banqueting boxes, your bowers and towers? You slave, that keeps fornication upon the tops of trees! the very birds cannot engender in quiet for you: why, rogue, that goes in good clothes made out of wenches’ cast gowns——
Pri. Nothing goes so near my heart as that.
Pur. Do you shake your slave’s noddle?
Tai. And here’s a rascal, look, a’ ’s way[670] too—saving the presence of master Goldstone—a filthy-slimy-lousy-nittical broker, pricked up in pawns from the hat-band to the shoe-string; a necessary hook to hang gentlemen’s suits out i’ th’ air, lest they should grow musty with long lying, which his pawns seldom are guilty of; a fellow of several scents and steams, French, Dutch, Italian, English, and therefore his lice must needs be mongrels: why, bill-money——
Gol. I am sorry to hear this among you: you’ve all deceived me; truly I took you for other spirits. You must pardon me henceforward; I have a reputation to look to; I must be no more seen in your companies.
Fri. Nay, nay, nay, nay, master Goldstone, you must not ’scape so, i’faith; one word before you go, sir.
Gol. Pray, despatch then; I would not for half my revenues, i’faith, now, that any gallants should pass by in the meantime, and find me in your companies; nay, as quick as you can, sir.
Fri. You did not take away master Bouser’s cloak t’other morning, pawned it to me, and borrowed five pound upon’t?
Gol. Ha!
Fri. ’Twas not you neither that finely cheated my little novice at master Primero’s house of a diamond and sapphire, and swore they were counterfeit, both glass, mere glass, as you were a right gentleman?
Gol. ’Slife, why were we strangers all this while? ’Sfoot, I perceive we are all natural brothers! A pox on’s all, are we found, i’faith?
Fri. A cheater!
Gol. A thief, a lecher, a bawd, and a broker!
F. Con. What mean they to be so merry? I’m afraid they laugh at us, and make fools on’s.
Gol. Push,[671] leave it to me.—How now, who would you speak withal?
F. Con. Speak withal! Have we waited all this while for a suspected thief?
Gol. How? You’re scarce awake yet, I think: look well, does any appear like a thief in this company? Away, you slaves! you stand loitering when you should look to the commonwealth: you catch knaves apace now, do you not? they may walk by your nose, you rascals!
All. Sweet master Goldstone!
Gol. You lacked spirit in your company till I came among you: here be five on’s; let’s but glue together, why now the world shall not come between us.
Pur. If we be true among ourselves.
Gol. Why, true; we cannot lack to be rich, for we cannot lack riches, nor can our wenches want, nor we want wenches.
Gol. Last man we spoke on, master Bouser.
Pur. Little master Bouser.[676]
Tai. Sweet master Bouser——
Fri. Welcome, i’faith.
Fit. Are your fathers dead, gentlemen, you’re so merry?
Gol. By my troth, a good jest! Did not I commend his wit to you, gentlemen? Hark, sirrah Ralph Bouser, cousin Bouser, i’faith, there’s a kind of portion in town, a girl of fifteen hundred, whom we all powerfully affect, and determine to present our parts to her in a masque.
Fit. In a masque?
Gol. Right, sir: now, a little of thy brain for a device to present us firm, which we shall never be able to do ourselves, thou knowest that; and with a kind of speech wherein thou mayst express what gallants are, bravely.
Pur. Could not a boy supply it?
Fit. Why, none better.
Pur. I have a boy shall put down all the Mercuries i’ th’ town; ’a will play a Mercury naturally, at his fingers’ end[s], i’faith.
Fit. Why then we are suited: for torch-bearers and shield-boys, those are always the writer’s properties;[677] you’re not troubled with them.
Gol. Come, my little Bouser, do’t finely now, to the life.
Fit. I warrant you, gentlemen.
Fri. Hist; give me a little touch above the rest, and[678] you can possible, for I mean to present this chain of pearl to her.
Fit. Now I know that, let me alone to fit you.
First C. Come forth, you wary, private-whispering strumpet! Have we found your close haunts, your private watch-towers, and your subtle means?
Mis. N. How then?
Sec. C. You can steal secretly hither, you mystical quean you, at twilight, twitter-lights![680]
Mis. N. Have you done yet?
Sec. C. You broke the back of one husband already; and now th’ other’s dead with grief at sea, with your secret expenses, close stealths, cunning filches, and continued banquets in corners. Then, forsooth, you must have your milk-baths to white you, your rose-leaves to sweeten you, your bean-flour bags[682] to sleek you, and make you soft, smooth, and delicate, for lascivious entertainment!
Mis. N. So, and you think all this while you dance like a thief in a mist, you’re safe, nobody can find you! Pray, were not you a feltmonger’s daughter at first, that run away with a new courtier for the love of gentlewomen’s clothes, and bought the fashion at a dear rate, with the loss of your name and credit? Why, what are all of you but rustical insides and city flesh, the blood of yeomen, and the bum of gentlewomen?
Sec. C. What, shall we suffer a changeable forepart to out-tongue us? Take that! [Attacking her.
Mis. N. Murder, murder!
Fit. How now! Why, ladies, a retreat! come, you have shewn your spirits sufficiently: you’re all land-captains; and so they shall find that come in your quarters; but have you the law free now to fight and scratch among yourselves, and let your gallants run away with others?[683]
First C. How!
Sec. C. Good——
First C. Sweet master Bouser!
Mis. N. Another? [Aside.
Fit. Why, then, I perceive you know nothing: why, they are in the way of marriage; a knight’s daughter here in town makes her election among ’em this night.
First C. This night?
Fit. This very night; and they all present themselves in a masque before her: know you not this?
Sec. C. O traitor master Goldstone!
Third C.[684] Perjured master Tailby!
Mis. N. Without soul? [Aside.
First C. She will chase him!
Sec. G. We’ll furnish you.
Bun.[689] Are these our gallants?
Fit. Are our gallants these?
Pai. Here be five shields, sir.
Fit. Finished already? that’s well: I’ll see thy master shortly.
Pai. I’m satisfied. [Exit.
Py. Prithee, let’s see, master Fitsgrave.
Fit. I have blazed them.
First G. What’s this?
Sec. G. Fooh,[690] you should be a gallant too, for you’re no university scholar.
Fit. Look, this is Pursenet; the device, a purse wide open, and the mouth downward: the word,[691] Alienis ecce crumenis!
First G. What’s that?
Fit. One that lives out of other men’s pockets.
Py. That’s right!
Fit. Here’s Goldstone’s, three silver dice.
First G. They run high, two cinques and a quater!
Fit. They’re high-men,[692] fit for his purpose: the word, Fratremque patremque.
Sec. G. Nay, he will cheat his own brother; nay, his own father, i’faith!
Fit. So much the word imports.—Master Primero—
Bun.[693] Pox, what says he now?
Fit. The device, an unvalued[694] pearl hid in a cave; the word, Occultos vendit honores.
First G. What’s that?
Fit. One that sells maidenheads by wholesale.
Sec. G. Excellently proper!
Fit. Master Frip——
Sec. G. That Pythagorical rascal![695] in a gentleman’s suit to-day, in a knight’s to-morrow.
Fit. The device for him, a cuckoo sitting on a tree; the word, En avis ex avibus! one bird made of many; for you know as the sparrow hatches the cuckoo, so the gentleman feathers the broker.
First G. Let me admire thee, master Fitsgrave!
Fit. They will scorn gentlemen; and to assist them the better, Pursenet’s boy, that little precious pickpocket, has a compendious speech in Latin, and, like a Mercury, presents their dispositions more liberally.
First G. Never were poor gallants so abused.