[Exeunt.

ACT IV.

Dumb Show.[461]

Enter Gentlemen, Vermandero meeting them with action of wonderment at the disappearance of Piracquo. Enter Alsemero, with Jasperino and gallants: Vermandero points to him, the gentlemen seeming to applaud the choice. Alsemero, Vermandero, Jasperino, and the others, pass over the stage with much pomp, Beatrice as bride following in great state, attended by Diaphanta, Isabella, and other gentlewomen; De Flores after all, smiling at the accident:[462] Alonzo’s ghost appears to him in the midst of his smile, and startles him, shewing the hand whose finger he had cut off.

SCENE I.

Alsemero’s apartment in the castle.
Enter Beatrice.
Beat. This fellow has undone me endlessly;
Never was bride so fearfully distress’d:
The more I think upon th' ensuing night,
And whom I am to cope with in embraces,
One who’s[463] ennobled both in blood and mind,
So clear in understanding,—that’s my plague now,—
Before whose judgment will my fault appear
Like malefactors' crimes before tribunals;
There is no hiding on’t, the more I dive
Into my own distress: how a wise man
Stands for a great calamity! there’s no venturing
Into his bed, what course soe’er I light upon,
Without my shame, which may grow up to danger;
He cannot but in justice strangle me
As I lie by him, as a cheater use me;
’Tis a precious craft to play with a false die
Before a cunning gamester. Here’s his closet;
The key left in’t, and he abroad i' th' park?
Sure ’twas forgot; I'll be so bold as look in’t.
[Opens closet.
Bless me! a right physician’s closet ’tis,
Set round with vials; every one her mark too:
Sure he does practise physic for his own use,
Which may be safely call’d your great man’s wisdom.
What manuscript lies here?

[reads] The Book of Experiment, called Secrets in Nature:[464]

So ’tis, ’tis so;

[reads] How to know whether a woman be with child or no:

I hope I am not yet; if he should try though!
Let me see, [reads] folio forty-five, here ’tis,
The leaf tuck’d down upon’t, the place suspicious:

[reads] If you would know whether a woman be with child or not, give her two spoonfuls of the white water in glass C—

Where’s that glass C? O yonder, I see’t now—

[reads] and if she be with child, she sleeps full twelve hours after; if not, not:

None of that water comes into my belly;
I'll know you from a hundred; I could break you now,
Or turn you into milk, and so beguile
The master of the mystery; but I'll look to you.
Ha! that which is next is ten times worse:

[reads] How to know whether a woman be a maid or not:

If that should be applied, what would become of me?
Belike he has a strong faith of my purity,
That never yet made proof; but this he calls

[reads] A merry slight,[465] but true experiment; the author Antonius Mizaldus. Give the party you suspect the quantity of a spoonful of the water in the glass M, which, upon her that is a maid, makes three several effects; twill make her incontinently[466] gape, then fall into a sudden sneezing, last into a violent laughing; else, dull, heavy, and lumpish.

Where had I been?
I fear it, yet ’tis seven hours to bed-time.
Enter Diaphanta.
Dia. Cuds, madam, are you here?
Beat. Seeing that wench now,
A trick comes in my mind; ’tis a nice piece
Gold cannot purchase. [Aside.]—I come hither, wench,
To look my lord.
Dia. Would I had such a cause
To look him too! [Aside.]—Why, he’s i' th' park, madam.
Beat. There let him be.
Dia. Ay, madam, let him compass
Whole parks and forests, as great rangers do,
At roosting-time a little lodge can hold ’em:
Earth-conquering Alexander, that thought the world
Too narrow for him, in th' end had but his pit-hole.
Beat. I fear thou art not modest, Diaphanta.
Dia. Your thoughts are so unwilling to be known, madam!
’Tis ever the bride’s fashion, towards bed-time,
To set light by her joys, as if she ow’d ’em not.[467]
Beat. Her joys? her fears thou wouldst say.
Dia. Fear of what?
Beat. Art thou a maid, and talk’st so to a maid?
You leave a blushing business behind;
Beshrew your heart for’t!
Dia. Do you mean good sooth, madam?
Beat. Well, if I'd thought upon the fear at first,
Man should have been unknown.
Dia. Is’t possible?
Beat. I'd[468] give a thousand ducats to that woman
Would try what my fear were, and tell me true
To-morrow, when she gets from’t; as she likes,
I might perhaps be drawn to’t.
Dia. Are you in earnest?
Beat. Do you get the woman, then challenge me,
And see if I'll fly from’t; but I must tell you
This by the way, she must be a true maid,
Else there’s no trial, my fears are not her’s else.
Dia. Nay, she that I would put into your hands, madam,
Shall be a maid.
Beat. You know I should be sham’d else,
Because she lies for me.
Dia. ’Tis a strange humour!
But are you serious still? would you resign
Your first night’s pleasure, and give money too?
Beat. As willingly as live.—Alas, the gold
Is but a by-bet to wedge in the honour! [Aside.
Dia. I do not know how the world goes abroad
For faith or honesty; there’s both requir’d in this.
Madam, what say you to me, and stray no further;
I've a good mind, in troth, to earn your money.
Beat. You are too quick, I fear, to be a maid.
Dia. How? not a maid? nay, then you urge me, madam;
Your honourable self is not a truer,
With all your fears upon you——
Beat. Bad enough then. [Aside.
Dia. Than I with all my lightsome joys about me.
Beat. I'm glad to hear’t; then you dare put your honesty
Upon an easy trial.
Dia. Easy? any thing.
Beat. I'll come to you straight.
[Goes to the closet.
Dia. She will not search me, will she,
Like the forewoman of a female jury?
Beat. Glass M: ay, this is it. [Brings vial.]— Look, Diaphanta,
You take no worse than I do. [Drinks.
Dia. And in so doing,
I will not question what it is, but take it. [Drinks.
Beat. Now if th' experiment be true, ’twill praise itself,
And give me noble ease: begins already;
[Diaphanta gapes.
There’s the first symptom; and what haste it makes
To fall into the second, there by this time!
[Diaphanta sneezes.
Most admirable secret! on the contrary,
It stirs not me a whit, which most concerns it.
[Aside.
Dia. Ha, ha, ha!
Beat. Just in all things, and in order
As if ’twere circumscrib’d; one accident
Gives way unto another. [Aside.
Dia. Ha, ha, ha!
Beat. How now, wench?
Dia. Ha, ha, ha! I'm so, so light
At heart—ha, ha, ha!—so pleasurable!
But one swig more, sweet madam.
Beat. Ay, to-morrow,
We shall have time to sit by’t.
Dia. Now I'm sad again.
Beat. It lays itself so gently too! [Aside.]—Come, wench,
Most honest Diaphanta I dare call thee now.
Dia. Pray, tell me, madam, what trick call you this?
Beat. I'll tell thee all hereafter; we must study
The carriage of this business.
Dia. I shall carry’t well,
Because I love the burthen.
Beat. About midnight
You must not fail to steal forth gently,
That I may use the place.
Dia. O, fear not, madam,
I shall be cool by that time: the bride’s place,
And with a thousand ducats! I'm for a justice now,
I bring a portion with me; I scorn small fools.
[Exeunt.

SCENE II.

Another apartment in the castle.
Enter Vermandero and Servant.
Ver. I tell thee, knave, mine honour is in question,
A thing till now free from suspicion,
Nor ever was there cause. Who of my gentlemen
Are absent?
Tell me, and truly, how many, and who?
Ser. Antonio, sir, and Franciscus.
Ver. When did they leave the castle?

Ser. Some ten days since, sir; the one intending to Briamata,[469] th' other for Valencia.

Ver. The time accuses ’em; a charge of murder
Is brought within my castle-gate, Piracquo’s murder;
I dare not answer faithfully their absence:
A strict command of apprehension
Shall pursue ’em suddenly, and either wipe
The stain off clear, or openly discover it.
Provide me wingèd warrants for the purpose.
[Exit Servant.
See, I am set on again.
Enter Tomaso.
Tom. I claim a brother of you.
Ver. You’re too hot;
Seek him not here.
Tom. Yes, ’mongst your dearest bloods,
If my peace find no fairer satisfaction:
This is the place must yield account for him,
For here I left him; and the hasty tie
Of this snatch’d marriage gives strong testimony
Of his most certain ruin.
Ver. Certain falsehood!
This is the place indeed; his breach of faith
Has too much marr’d both my abusèd love,
The honourable love I reserv’d for him,
And mock’d my daughter’s joy; the prepar’d morning
Blush’d at his infidelity; he left
Contempt and scorn to throw upon those friends
Whose belief hurt ’em: O, ’twas most ignoble
To take his flight so unexpectedly,
And throw such public wrongs on those that lov’d him!
Tom. Then this is all your answer?s
Ver. ’Tis too fair
For one of his alliance; and I warn you
That this place no more see you. [Exit.
Enter De Flores.
Tom. The best is,
There is more ground to meet a man’s revenge on.—
Honest De Flores?
De F. That’s my name, indeed.
Saw you the bride? good sweet sir, which way took she?
Tom. I've bless’d mine eyes from seeing such a false one.
De F. I'd fain get off, this man’s not for my company,
I smell his brother’s blood when I come near him.
[Aside.
Tom. Come hither, kind and true one; I remember
My brother lov’d thee well.
De F. O, purely, dear sir!—
Methinks I'm now again a-killing on him,
He brings it so fresh to me. [Aside.
Tom. Thou canst guess, sirrah—
An[470] honest friend has an instinct of jealousy—
At some foul guilty person.
De F. Alas, sir,
I am so charitable, I think none
Worse than myself! you did not see the bride then?
Tom. I prithee, name her not: is she not wicked?
De F. No, no; a pretty, easy, round-pack’d[471] sinner,
As your most ladies are, else you might think
I flatter’d her; but, sir, at no hand wicked,
Till they’re so old their sins and vices[472] meet,
And they salute witches. I'm call’d, I think, sir.—
His company even overlays my conscience.
[Aside, and exit.
Tom. That De Flores has a wondrous honest heart;
He’ll bring it out in time, I'm assur’d on’t.
O, here’s the glorious master of the day’s joy!
'Twill[473] not be long till he and I do reckon.
Enter Alsemero.
Sir.
Als. You’re most welcome.
Tom. You may call that word back,
I do not think I am, nor wish to be.
Als. ’Tis strange you found the way to this house then.
Tom. Would I'd ne’er known the cause! I'm none of those, sir,
That come to give you joy, and swill your wine;
’Tis a more precious liquor that must lay
The fiery thirst I bring.
Als. Your words and you
Appear to me great strangers.
Tom. Time and our swords
May make us more acquainted; this the business.
I should have [had] a brother in your place;
How treachery and malice have dispos’d of him,
I'm bound to inquire of him which holds his right,
Which never could come fairly.
Als. You must look
To answer for that word, sir.
Tom. Fear you not,
I'll have it ready drawn at our next meeting.
Keep your day solemn; farewell, I disturb it not;
I'll bear the smart with patience for a time. [Exit.
Als. ’Tis somewhat ominous this; a quarrel enter’d
Upon this day; my innocence relieves me,
Enter Jasperino.
I should be wondrous sad else.—Jasperino,
I've news to tell thee, strange news.
Jasp. I ha' some too,
I think as strange as yours: would I might keep
Mine, so my faith and friendship might be kept in’t!
Faith, sir, dispense a little with my zeal,
And let it cool in this.
Als. This puts me on,
And blames thee for thy slowness.
Jas. All may prove nothing,
Only a friendly fear that leapt from me, sir.
Als. No question, ’t may prove nothing; let’s partake it though.
Jas. ’Twas Diaphanta’s chance—for to that wench
I pretend[474] honest love, and she deserves it—
To leave me in a back part of the house,
A place we chose for private conference;
She was no sooner gone, but instantly
I heard your bride’s voice in the next room to me;
And lending more attention, found De Flores
Louder than she.
Als. De Flores! thou art out now.
Jas. You’ll tell me more anon.
Als. Still I'll prevent[475] thee,
The very sight of him is poison to her.
Jas. That made me stagger too; but Diaphanta
At her return confirm’d it.
Als. Diaphanta!
Jas. Then fell we both to listen, and words pass’d
Like those that challenge interest in a woman.
Als. Peace; quench thy zeal, ’tis dangerous to thy bosom.
Jas. Then truth is full of peril.
Als. Such truths are.
O, were she the sole glory of the earth,
Had eyes that could shoot fire into kings' breasts,
And touch’d,[476] she sleeps not here! yet I have time,
Though night be near, to be resolv’d[477] hereof;
And, prithee, do not weigh me by my passions.
Jas. I never weigh’d friend so.
Als. Done charitably!
That key will lead thee to a pretty secret,
[Giving key.
By a Chaldean taught me, and I have
My study upon some: bring from my closet
A glass inscrib’d there with the letter M,
And question not my purpose.
Jas. It shall be done, sir. [Exit.
Als. How can this hang together? not an hour since
Her woman came pleading her lady’s fears,
Deliver’d her for the most timorous virgin
That ever shrunk at man’s name, and so modest,
She charg’d her weep out her request to me,
That she might come obscurely to my bosom.
Enter Beatrice.
Beat. All things go well; my woman’s preparing yonder
For her sweet voyage, which grieves me to lose;
Necessity compels it; I lose all else. [Aside.
Als. Push![478] modesty’s shrine is set in yonder forehead:
I cannot be too sure though. [Aside.]—My Joanna!
Beat. Sir, I was bold to weep a message to you;
Pardon my modest fears.
Als. The dove’s not meeker;
She’s abus’d, questionless. [Aside.
Re-enter Jasperino with vial.
O, are you come, sir?
Beat. The glass, upon my life! I see the letter.
[Aside.
Jas. Sir, this is M. [Giving vial.
Als. ’Tis it.
Beat. I am suspected. [Aside.
Als. How fitly our bride comes to partake with us!
Beat. What is’t, my lord?
Als. No hurt.
Beat. Sir, pardon me,
I seldom taste of any composition.
Als. But this, upon my warrant, you shall venture on.
Beat. I fear ’twill make me ill.
Als. Heaven forbid that!
Beat. I'm put now to my cunning: th' effects I know,
If I can now but feign ’em handsomely.
[Aside, then drinks.
Als. It has that secret virtue, it ne’er miss’d, sir,
Upon a virgin.
Jas. Treble-qualitied?
[Beatrice gapes and sneezes.
Als. By all that’s virtuous, it takes there! proceeds!
Jas. This is the strangest trick to know a maid by.
Beat. Ha, ha, ha!
You have given me joy of heart to drink, my lord.
Als. No, thou hast given me such joy of heart,
That never can be blasted.
Beat. What’s the matter, sir?
Als. See, now ’tis settled in a melancholy;
Keep[s] both the time and method. [Aside.]—My Joanna,
Chaste as the breath of heaven, or morning’s womb,
That brings the day forth! thus my love encloses thee.
[Exeunt.

SCENE III.

A room in the house of Alibius.
Enter Isabella and Lollio.
Isa. O heaven! is this the waning[479] moon?
Does love turn fool, run mad, and all at once?
Sirrah, here’s a madman, a-kin to the fool too,
A lunatic lover.
Lol. No, no, not he I brought the letter from.
Isa. Compare his inside with his out, and tell me.

Lol. The out’s mad, I'm sure of that; I had a taste on’t.

Isa. [reads letter] To the bright[480] Andromeda, chief chambermaid to the Knight of the Sun, at the sign of Scorpio, in the middle region, sent by the bellows-mender of Æolus. Pay the post.

Lol. This is stark madness!

Isa. Now mark the inside.

[reads] Sweet lady, having now cast off this counterfeit cover of a madman, I appear to your best judgment a true and faithful lover of your beauty.

Lol. He is mad still!

Isa. [reads] If any fault you find, chide those perfections in you which have made me imperfect; ’tis the same sun that causeth to grow and enforceth to wither——

Lol. O rogue!

Isa. [reads] Shapes and transhapes, destroys and builds again: I come in winter to you, dismantled of my proper ornaments; by the sweet splendour of your cheerful smiles, I spring and live a lover.

Lol. Mad rascal still!

Isa. [reads] Tread him not under foot, that shall appear an honour to your bounties. I remain—mad till I speak with you, from whom I expect my cure, yours all, or one beside himself, Franciscus.

Lol. You are like to have a fine time on’t; my master and I may give over our professions; I do not think but you can cure fools and madmen faster than we, with little pains too.

Isa. Very likely.

Lol. One thing I must tell you, mistress; you perceive that I am privy to your skill; if I find you minister once, and set up the trade, I put in for my thirds; I shall be mad or fool else.

Isa. The first place is thine, believe it, Lollio,
If I do fall.
Lol. I fall upon you.
Isa. So.
Lol. Well, I stand to my venture.
Isa. But thy counsel now; how shall I deal with ’em?
Lol. Why,[481] do you mean to deal with ’em?
Isa. Nay, the fair[482] understanding, how to use ’em.

Lol. Abuse ’em! that’s the way to mad the fool, and make a fool of the madman, and then you use ’em kindly.

Isa. ’Tis easy, I'll practise; do thou observe it:
The key of thy wardrobe.
Lol. There [gives key]; fit yourself for ’em, and
I'll fit ’em both for you.
Isa. Take thou no further notice than the outside.

Lol. Not an inch [Exit Isabella]; I'll put you to the inside.

Enter Alibius.
Alib. Lollio, art there? will all be perfect, think’st thou?
To-morrow night, as if to close up the
Solemnity, Vermandero expects us.

Lol. I mistrust the madmen most; the fools will do well enough, I have taken pains with them.

Alib. Tush! they cannot miss; the more absurdity,
The more commends it, so no rough behaviours
Affright the ladies; they’re nice things, thou knowest.

Lol. You need not fear, sir; so long as we are there with our commanding pizzles, they’ll be as tame as the ladies themselves.

Alib. I'll see them once more rehearse before they go.

Lol. I was about it, sir: look you to the madmen’s morris, and let me alone with the other: there is one or two that I mistrust their fooling; I'll instruct them, and then they shall rehearse the whole measure.

Alib. Do so; I'll see the music prepar’d: but, Lollio,
By the way, how does my wife brook her restraint?
Does she not grudge at it?

Lol. So, so; she takes some pleasure in the house, she would abroad else; you must allow her a little more length, she’s kept too short.

Alib. She shall along to Vermandero’s with us,
That will serve her for a month’s liberty.

Lol. What’s that on your face, sir?

Alib. Where, Lollio? I see nothing.

Lol. Cry you mercy, sir, ’tis your nose; it shewed like the trunk of a young elephant.

Alib. Away, rascal! I'll prepare the music, Lollio.
Lol. Do, sir, and I'll dance the whilst. [Exit
Alibius.]—Tony, where art thou, Tony?
Enter Antonio.

Ant. Here, cousin; where art thou?

Lol. Come, Tony, the footmanship I taught you.

Ant. I had rather ride, cousin.

Lol. Ay, a whip take you! but I'll keep you out; vault in: look you, Tony; fa, la, la, la, la.

[Dances.

Ant. Fa, la, la, la, la. [Sings and dances.

Lol. There, an honour.

Ant. Is this an honour, coz?

Lol. Yes, and[483] it please your worship.

Ant. Does honour bend in the hams, coz?

Lol. Marry does it, as low as worship, squireship, nay, yeomanry itself sometimes, from whence it first stiffened: there rise, a caper.

Ant. Caper after an honour, coz?

Lol. Very proper, for honour is but a caper, rise[s] as fast and high, has a knee or two, and falls to th' ground again: you can remember your figure, Tony?

Ant. Yes, cousin; when I see thy figure, I can remember mine. [Exit Lollio.