WOMEN BEWARE WOMEN.

Women Beware Women. A Tragedy, By Tho. Middleton, Gent. London: Printed for Humphrey Moseley, 1657—is the second of Two New Playes, originally published together in 8vo: see vol. iii. p. 553.

It has been reprinted in the 5th vol. of A Continuation of Dodsley’s Old Plays, 1816.

“The Foundation of this Play,” says Langbaine, “is borrow’d from a Romance called Hyppolito and Isabella, octavo.” Acc. of Engl. Dram. Poets, p. 374.

UPON THE TRAGEDY OF MY FAMILIAR

ACQUAINTANCE, THO. MIDDLETON.

Women beware Women; ’tis a true text
Never to be forgot; drabs of state vext
Have plots, poisons, mischiefs that seldom miss,
To murder virtue with a venom-kiss.
Witness this worthy tragedy, exprest
By him that well deserv’d among the best
Of poets in his time: he knew the rage,
Madness of women cross’d, and for the stage
Fitted their humours; hell-bred malice, strife
Acted in state, presented to the life.
I that have seen’t can say, having just cause,
Never came tragedy off with more applause.
Nath. Richards.[1008]

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.

Scene, Florence.
WOMEN BEWARE WOMEN.

ACT I. SCENE I.

An outer room in the house of Leantio’s Mother.
Enter Leantio, Bianca, and Mother.
Moth. Thy sight was never yet more precious to me;
Welcome, with all th' affection of a mother,
That comfort can express from natural love!
Since thy birth-joy—a mother’s chiefest gladness,
After sh’as undergone her curse of sorrows—
Thou wast not more dear to me than this hour
Presents thee to my heart: welcome again!
Lean. ’Las, poor affectionate soul, how her joys speak to me!
I have observ’d it often, and I know it is
The fortune commonly of knavish children
To have the loving’st mothers. [Aside.
Moth. What’s this gentlewoman?
Lean. O, you have nam’d the most unvalu’dst[1010] purchase
That youth of man had ever knowledge of!
As often as I look upon that treasure,
And know it to be mine—there lies the blessing—
It joys me that I ever was ordain’d
To have a being, and to live ’mongst men;
Which is a fearful living, and a poor one,
Let a man truly think on’t:
To have the toil and griefs of fourscore years
Put up in a white sheet, tied with two knots;
Methinks it should strike earthquakes in adulterers,
When even the very sheets they commit sin in
May prove, for aught they know, all their last garments.
O what a mark were there for women then!
But beauty, able to content a conqueror
Whom earth could scarce content, keeps me in compass:
I find no wish in me bent sinfully
To this man’s sister, or to that man’s wife;
In love’s name let ’em keep their honesties,
And cleave to their own husbands,—tis their duties:
Now when I go to church I can pray handsomely,
Nor come like gallants only to see faces,
As if lust went to market still on Sundays.
I must confess I'm guilty of one sin, mother,
More than I brought into the world with me,
But that I glory in; ’tis theft, but noble
As ever greatness yet shot up withal.
Moth. How’s that?
Lean. Never to be repented, mother,
Though sin be death; I had died, if I had not sinn’d;
And here’s my masterpiece; do you now behold her!
Look on her well, she’s mine; look on her better;
Now say if’t be not the best piece of theft
That ever was committed? and I've my pardon for’t,—
’Tis seal’d from heaven by marriage.
Moth. Married to her!
Lean. You must keep counsel, mother, I'm undone else;
If it be known, I've lost her; do but think now
What that loss is,—life’s but a trifle to’t.
From Venice, her consent and I have brought her
From parents great in wealth, more now in rage;
But let storms spend their furies; now we’ve got
A shelter o’er our quiet innocent loves,
We are contented: little money sh’as brought me;
View but her face, you may see all her dowry,
Save that which lies lock’d up in hidden virtues,
Like jewels kept in cabinets.
Moth. You’re to blame,
If your obedience will give way to a check,
To wrong such a perfection.
Lean. How?
Moth. Such a creature,
To draw her from her fortune, which, no doubt,
At the full time might have prov’d rich and noble;
You know not what you’ve done; my life can give you
But little helps, and my death lesser hopes;
And hitherto your own means has but made shift
To keep you single, and that hardly too:
What ableness have you to do her right then
In maintenance fitting her birth and virtues?
Which every woman of necessity looks for,
And most to go above it, not confin’d
By their conditions, virtues, bloods, or births,
But flowing to affections, wills, and humours.
Lean. Speak low, sweet mother; you’re able to spoil as many
As come within the hearing; if it be not
Your fortune to mar all, I have much marvel.
I pray do not you teach her to rebel,
When she is in a good way to obedience;
To rise with other women in commotion
Against their husbands for six gowns a-year,
And so maintain their cause, when they’re once up,
In all things else that require cost enough.
They’re all of ’em a kind of spirits soon rais’d,
But not so soon laid, mother; as, for example,
A woman’s belly is got up in a trice,—
A simple charge ere’t be laid down again:
So ever in all their quarrels and their courses;
And I'm a proud man I hear nothing of ’em,
They’re very still, I thank my happiness,
And sound asleep, pray let not your tongue wake ’em:
If you can but rest quiet, she’s contented
With all conditions that my fortunes bring her to;
To keep close, as a wife that loves her husband;
To go after the rate of my ability,
Not the licentious swing of her own will,
Like some of her old school-fellows; she intends
To take out other works in a new sampler,
And frame the fashion of an honest love,
Which knows no wants, but, mocking poverty,
Brings forth more children, to make rich men wonder
At divine providence, that feeds mouths of infants,
And sends them none to feed, but stuffs their rooms
With fruitful bags, their beds with barren wombs.
Good mother, make not you things worse than they are
Out of your too much openness; pray take heed on’t,
Nor imitate the envy of old people,
That strive to mar good sport because they’re perfect:
I would have you more pitiful to youth,
Especially to your own flesh and blood.
I'll prove an excellent husband, here’s my hand,
Lay in provision, follow my business roundly,
And make you a grandmother in forty weeks.
Go, pray salute her, bid her welcome cheerfully.
Moth. [saluting Bianca] Gentlewoman, thus much is a debt of courtesy,
Which fashionable strangers pay each other
At a kind meeting: then there’s more than one
Due to the knowledge I have of your nearness;
I'm bold to come again, and now salute you
By the name of daughter, which may challenge more
Than ordinary respect.
Lean. Why, this is well now,
And I think few mothers of threescore will mend it. [Aside.
Moth. What I can bid you welcome to, is mean,
But make it all your own; we’re full of wants,
And cannot welcome worth.
Lean. Now this is scurvy,
And spoke[1011] as if a woman lack’d her teeth;
These old folks talk of nothing but defects,
Because they grow so full of ’em themselves. [Aside.
Bian. Kind mother, there is nothing can be wanting
To her that does enjoy all her desires:
Heaven send a quiet peace with this man’s love,
And I'm as rich as virtue can be poor,
Which were enough after the rate of mind
To erect temples for content plac’d here.
I have forsook friends, fortunes, and my country,
And hourly I rejoice in’t. Here’s my friends,
And few is the good number.—Thy successes,
Howe’er they look, I will still name my fortunes;
Hopeful or spiteful, they shall all be welcome:
Who invites many guests has of all sorts,
As he that traffics much drinks of all fortunes,
Yet they must all be welcome, and us’d well.
I'll call this place the place of my birth now,
And rightly too, for here my love was born,
And that’s the birthday of a woman’s joys.
You have not bid me welcome since I came.
Lean. That I did questionless.
Bian. No, sure—how was’t?
I've quite forgot it.
Lean. Thus. [Kisses her.
Bian. O, sir,’tis true,
Now I remember well; I've done thee wrong,
Pray take’t again, sir. [Kisses him.
Lean. How many of these wrongs
Could I put up in an hour, and turn up the glass
For twice as many more!
Moth. Will’t please you to walk in, daughter?
Bian. Thanks, sweet mother;
The voice of her that bare me is not more pleasing.
[Exit with Mother.
Lean. Though my own care and my rich master’s trust
Lay their commands both on my factorship,
This day and night I'll know no other business
But her and her dear welcome. ’Tis a bitterness
To think upon to-morrow! that I must leave
Her still to the sweet hopes of the week’s end;
That pleasure should be so restrain’d and curb’d
After the course of a rich work-master,
That never pays till Saturday night! marry,
It comes together in a round sum then,
And does more good, you’ll say. O fair-ey’d Florence,
Didst thou but know what a most matchless jewel
Thou now art mistress of, a pride would take thee,
Able to shoot destruction through the bloods
Of all thy youthful sons! but ’tis great policy
To keep choice treasures in obscurest places;
Should we shew thieves our wealth, ’twould make ’em bolder;
Temptation is a devil will not stick
To fasten upon a saint; take heed of that:
The jewel is cas’d up from all men’s eyes;
Who could imagine now a gem were kept
Of that great value under this plain roof?
But how in times of absence? what assurance
Of this restraint then? Yes, yes, there’s one with her:
Old mothers know the world; and such as these,
When sons lock chests, are good to look to keys.
[Exit.

SCENE II.

A garden attached to Fabricio’s house.
Enter Guardiano, Fabricio, and Livia.
Guar. What, has your daughter seen him yet? know you that?
Fab. No matter, she shall love him.
Guar. Nay, let’s have fair play;
He has been now my ward some fifteen year,
And ’tis my purpose, as time calls upon me,
By custom seconded and such moral virtues,
To tender him a wife. Now, sir, this wife
I'd fain elect out of a daughter of yours;
You see my meaning’s fair: if now this daughter
So tender’d,—let me come to your own phrase, sir,—
Should offer to refuse him, I were hansell’d.—
Thus am I fain to calculate all my words
For the meridian of a foolish old man,
To take his understanding. [Aside.]—What do you answer, sir?
Fab. I say still, she shall love him.
Guar. Yet again?
And shall she have no reason for this love?
Fab. Why, do you think that women love with reason?
Guar. I perceive fools are not at all hours foolish,
No more than wise men wise. [Aside.
Fab. I had a wife,
She ran mad for me; she had no reason for’t,
For aught I could perceive.—What think you, lady sister?
Guar. ’Twas a fit match that, being both out of their wits;
A loving wife, it seem’d
She strove to come as near you as she could. [Aside.
Fab. And if her daughter prove not mad for love too,
She takes not after her; nor after me,
If she prefer reason before my pleasure.—
You’re an experienc’d widow, lady sister,
I pray, let your opinion come amongst us.
Liv. I must offend you then, if truth will do’t,
And take my niece’s part, and call’t injustice
To force her love to one she never saw:
Maids should both see and like, all little enough;
If they love truly after that, ’tis well.
Counting the time, she takes one man till death;
That’s a hard task, I tell you; but one may
Inquire at three years' end amongst young wives,
And mark how the game goes.
Fab. Why, is not man
Tied to the same observance, lady sister,
And in one woman?
Liv. ’Tis enough for him;
Besides, he tastes of many sundry dishes
That we poor wretches never lay our lips to,
As obedience forsooth, subjection, duty, and such kickshaws,
All of our making, but serv’d in to them;
And if we lick a finger then sometimes,
We’re not to blame, your best cooks [often] use it.
Fab. Thou’rt a sweet lady, sister, and a witty.
Liv. A witty! O the bud of commendation,
Fit for a girl of sixteen! I am blown, man;
I should be wise by this time; and, for instance,
I've buried my two husbands in good fashion,
And never mean more to marry.
Guar. No! why so, lady?
Liv. Because the third shall never bury me:
I think I'm more than witty. How think you, sir?'
Fab. I have paid often fees to a counsellor
Has had a weaker brain.
Liv. Then I must tell you
Your money was soon parted.
Guar. Light her now, brother.[1012]
Liv. Where is my niece? let her be sent for straight,
If you have any hope ’twill prove a wedding;
’Tis fit, i’faith, she should have one sight of him,
And stop upon’t, and not be join’d in haste,
As if they went to stock a new-found land.
Fab. Look out her uncle, and you’re sure of her,
Those two are ne’er asunder; they’ve been heard
In argument at midnight; moonshine nights
Are noondays with them; they walk out their sleeps,
Or rather at those hours appear like those
That walk in ’em, for so they did to me.
Look you, I told you truth; they’re like a chain,—
Draw but one link, all follows.
Enter Hippolito and Isabella.
Guar. O affinity,
What piece of excellent workmanship art thou!
’Tis work clean wrought, for there’s no lust but love in’t,
And that abundantly; when in stranger things
There is no love at all but what lust brings.
Fab. On with your mask! for ’tis your part to see now,
And not be seen: go to, make use of your time;
See what you mean to like; nay, and I charge you,
Like what you see: do you hear me? there’s no dallying;
The gentleman’s almost twenty, and ’tis time
He were getting lawful heirs, and you a-breeding on ’em.
Isa. Good father——
Fab. Tell not me of tongues and rumours:
You’ll say the gentleman is somewhat simple;
The better for a husband, were you wise,
For those that marry fools live ladies' lives.
On with the mask! I'll hear no more: he’s rich;
The fool’s hid under bushels.
Liv. Not so hid neither
But here’s a foul great piece of him, methinks;
What will he be when he comes altogether?
Enter the Ward with a trap-stick, and Sordido.
Ward. Beat him?
I beat him out o' the field with his own cat-stick,
Yet gave him the first hand.
Sor. O strange!
Ward. I did it;
Then he set jacks[1013] on me.
Sor. What, my lady’s tailor?
Ward. Ay, and I beat him too.
Sor. Nay, that’s no wonder,
He’s us’d to beating.
Ward. Nay, I tickled him
When I came once to my tippings.
Sor. Now you talk on ’em,
There was a poulterer’s wife made a great complaint
Of you last night to your guardianer, that you struck
A bump in her child’s head as big as an egg.
Ward. An egg may prove a chicken, then in time
The poulterer’s wife will get by’t: when I am
In game, I'm furious; came my mother’s eyes
In my way, I would not lose a fair end; no,
Were she alive, but with one tooth in her head,
I should venture the striking out of that:
I think of nobody when I'm in play,
I am so earnest. Coads me, my guardianer!
Prithee, lay up my cat and cat-stick[1014] safe.
Sor. Where, sir? i' the chimney-corner?
Ward. Chimney-corner!
Sor. Yes, sir; your cats are always safe i' the chimney-corner,
Unless they burn their coats.
Ward. Marry, that I am afraid on!
Sor. Why, then, I will bestow your cat i' the gutter,
And there she’s safe, I'm sure.
Ward. If I but live
To keep a house, I'll make thee a great man,
If meat and drink can do’t. I can stoop gallantly,
And pitch out when I list; I'm dog at a hole:
I mar’l[1015] my guardianer does not seek a wife for me;
I protest I'll have a bout with the maids else,
Or contract myself at midnight to the larder-woman,
In presence of a fool or a sack-posset.
Guar. Ward!
Ward. I feel myself after any exercise
Horribly prone: let me but ride, I'm lusty;
A cock-horse, straight, i’faith!
Guar. Why, Ward, I say!
Ward. I'll forswear eating eggs in moonshine nights;
There’s ne’er a one I eat but turns into a cock
In four-and-twenty hours; if my hot blood
Be not took down in time, sure ’twill crow shortly.
Guar. Do you hear, sir? follow me, I must new-school you.
Ward. School me? I scorn that now, I am past schooling:
I'm not so base to learn to write and read;
I was born to better fortunes in my cradle.
[Exeunt. Guardiano, the Ward, and Sordido.
Fab. How do you like him, girl? this is your husband:
Like him, or like him not, wench, you shall have him,
And you shall love him.
Liv. O, soft there, brother! though you be a justice,
Your warrant cannot be serv’d out of your liberty;
You may compel, out of the power of father,
Things merely harsh to a maid’s flesh and blood;
But when you come to love, there the soil alters,
You’re in another country, where your laws
Are no more set by than the cacklings
Of geese in Rome’s great Capitol.
Fab. Marry him she shall then,
Let her agree upon love afterwards. [Exit.
Liv. You speak now, brother, like an honest mortal
That walks upon th' earth with a staff; you were up
I' the clouds before; you would command love,
And so do most old folks that go without it.—
My best and dearest brother, I could dwell here;
There is not such another seat on earth,
Where all good parts better express themselves.
Hip. You’ll make me blush anon.
Liv. ’Tis but like saying grace before a feast then,
And that’s most comely; thou art all a feast,
And she that has thee a most happy guest.
Prithee, cheer up thy[1016] niece with special counsel. [Exit.
Hip. I would ’twere fit to speak to her what I would; but
’Twas not a thing ordain’d, heaven has forbid it;
And ’tis most meet that I should rather perish
Than the decree divine receive least blemish.
Feed inward, you my sorrows, make no noise,
Consume me silent, let me be stark dead
Ere the world know I'm sick. You see my honesty;
If you befriend me, so. [Aside.
Isa. Marry a fool!
Can there be greater misery to a woman
That means to keep her days true to her husband,
And know no other man? so virtue wills it.
Why, how can I obey and honour him,
But I must needs commit idolatry?
A fool is but the image of a man,
And that but ill made neither. O the heartbreakings
Of miserable maids, where love’s enforc’d!
The best condition is but bad enough;
When women have their choices, commonly
They do but buy their thraldoms, and bring great portions
To men to keep ’em in subjection;
As if a fearful prisoner should bribe
The keeper to be good to him, yet lies in still,
And glad of a good usage, a good look sometimes.
Byrlady,[1017] no misery surmounts a woman’s;
Men buy their slaves, but women buy their masters;
Yet honesty and love make[1018] all this happy,
And, next to angels', the most bless’d estate.
That providence, that has made every poison
Good for some use, and sets four warring elements
At peace in man, can make a harmony
In things that are most strange to human reason.
O, but this marriage! [Aside.]—What, are you sad too, uncle?
Faith, then there’s a whole household down together:
Where shall I go to seek my comfort now,
When my best friend’s distress’d? what is’t afflicts you, sir?
Hip. Faith, nothing but one grief, that will not leave me,
And now ’tis welcome; every man has something
To bring him to his end, and this will serve,
Join’d with your father’s cruelty to you,—
That helps it forward.
Isa. O, be cheer’d, sweet uncle!
How long has ’t been upon you? I ne’er spied it;
What a dull sight have I! how long, I pray, sir?
Hip. Since I first saw you, niece, and left Bologna.
Isa. And could you deal so unkindly with my heart,
To keep it up so long hid from my pity?
Alas! how shall I trust your love hereafter?
Have we pass’d through so many arguments,
And miss’d of that still, the most needful one?
Walk’d[1019] out whole nights together in discourses,
And the main point forgot? we’re to blame both;
This is an obstinate, wilful forgetfulness,
And faulty on both parts: let’s lose no time now;
Begin, good uncle, you that feel ’t; what is it?
Hip. You of all creatures, niece, must never hear on’t,
’Tis not a thing ordain’d for you to know.
Isa. Not I, sir? all my joys that word cuts off;
You made profession once you lov’d me best,
’Twas but profession.
Hip. Yes, I do’t too truly,
And fear I shall be chid for’t. Know the worst then;
I love thee dearlier than an uncle can.
Isa. Why, so you ever said, and I believ’d it.
Hip. So simple is the goodness of her thoughts,
They understand not yet th' unhallow’d language
Of a near sinner; I must yet be forc’d,
Though blushes be my venture, to come nearer.—
[Aside.
As a man loves his wife, so love I thee.
Isa. What’s that?
Methought I heard ill news come toward me,
Which commonly we understand too soon,
Then over-quick at hearing; I'll prevent it,
Though my joys fare the harder, welcome it:
It shall ne’er come so near mine ear again.
Farewell all friendly solaces and discourses;
I'll learn to live without ye, for your dangers
Are greater than your comforts. What’s become
Of truth in love, if such we cannot trust,
When blood, that should be love, is mix’d with lust?
[Exit.
Hip. The worst can be but death, and let it come;
He that lives joyless, every day’s his doom. [Exit.

SCENE III.

Street before the house of Leantio’s Mother.
Enter Leantio.
Lean. Methinks I'm even as dull now at departure,
As men observe great gallants the next day
After a revel;[1020] you shall see ’em look
Much of my fashion, if you mark ’em well.
’Tis even a second hell to part from pleasure
When man has got a smack on’t: as many holydays
Coming together make[1021] your poor heads idle
A great while after, and are said to stick
Fast in their fingers' ends,—even so does game
In a new-married couple; for the time
It spoils all thrift, and indeed lies a-bed
T' invent all the new ways for great expenses.
[Bianca and Mother appear above.
See, and[1022] she be not got on purpose now
Into the window to look after me!
I've no power to go now, and[1022] I should be hang’d;
Farewell all business; I desire no more
Than I see yonder: let the goods at key
Look to themselves; why should I toil my youth out?
It is but begging two or three year sooner,
And stay with her continually: is’t a match?
O, fie, what a religion have I leap’d into!
Get out again, for shame! the man loves best
When his care’s most, that shews his zeal to love:
Fondness is but the idiot to[1023] affection,
That plays at hot-cockles with rich merchants' wives,
Good to make sport withal when the chest’s full,
And the long warehouse cracks. ’Tis time of day
For us to be more wise; ’tis early with us;
And if they lose the morning of their affairs,
They commonly lose the best part of the day:
Those that are wealthy, and have got enough,
’Tis after sunset with ’em; they may rest,
Grow fat with ease, banquet, and toy, and play,
When such as I enter the heat o' the day,
And I'll do’t cheerfully.
Bian. I perceive, sir,
You’re not gone yet; I've good hope you’ll stay now.
Lean. Farewell; I must not.
Bian. Come, come, pray return;
To-morrow, adding but a little care more,
Will despatch all as well, believe me ’twill, sir.
Lean. I could well wish myself where you would have me;
But love that’s wanton must be rul’d awhile
By that that’s careful, or all goes to ruin:
As fitting is a government in love
As in a kingdom; where ’tis all mere lust,
’Tis like an insurrection in the people,
That, rais’d in self-will, wars against all reason;
But love that is respective for increase
Is like a good king, that keeps all in peace.
Once more, farewell.
Bian. But this one night, I prithee!
Lean. Alas, I'm in for twenty, if I stay,
And then for forty more! I've such luck to flesh,
I never bought a horse but he bore double.
If I stay any longer, I shall turn
An everlasting spendthrift: as you love
To be maintain’d well, do not call me again,
For then I shall not care which end goes forward.
Again, farewell to thee.
Bian. Since it must, farewell too. [Exit Leantio.
Moth. Faith, daughter, you’re to blame; you take the course
To make him an ill husband, troth you do;
And that disease is catching, I can tell you,
Ay, and soon taken by a young man’s blood,
And that with little urging. Nay, fie, see now,
What cause have you to weep? would I had no more,
That have liv’d threescore years! there were a cause,
And[1024] ’twere well thought on. Trust me, you’re to blame;
His absence cannot last five days at utmost:
Why should those tears be fetch’d forth? cannot love
Be even as well express’d in a good look,
But it must see her face still in a fountain?
It shews like a country maid dressing her head
By a dish of water: come, ’tis an old custom
To weep for love.