Teresa was confounded; and her daughter no less astonished, exclaimed, ‘I’ll be hanged if our master Don Quixote be not at the bottom of all this; and surely must have given my father that same government or countship, which he promised him so often!’—‘You are certainly in the right,’ answered the page; ‘for it is entirely on Signior Don Quixote’s account, that Signior Sancho is now governor of the island Barataria, as will appear in this letter.’—‘Pray, good gentleman, read it,’ said Teresa; ‘for though I can spin, I cannot read so much as a crumb.’—‘Nor I, neither,’ added Sanchica; ‘but stay a moment, I’ll go and fetch one that shall read it, either the curate himself, or the batchelor Sampson Carrasco, who will come with pleasure to hear news of my father.’—‘There is no occasion to fetch any person whatever,’ said the page; ‘for though I cannot spin, I can read; and read it I shall.’ He accordingly read Sancho’s letter from beginning to end; but as it hath been already recited, we shall not repeat it in this place. Then he rehearsed the other, which came from the duchess, in these words—
‘FRIEND TERESA,
‘The great talents, and excellent disposition of your husband Sancho, induced and obliged me to beg of the duke my husband, that he would confer upon him the government of one, among many islands that are in his possession; and I understand he governs like any jerfaulcon; a circumstance that affords great pleasure to me, and of consequence to my Lord Duke; and I thank Heaven heartily, that I have not been deceived in chusing him for that same government: for, Madam Teresa must know, it is a very hard matter to find a good governor in this world, and God make me as good a woman as Sancho is a governor. I have sent you, my dear friend, a coral necklace set in gold; and I wish, for your sake, it had been of oriental pearls; but, He that gives, though it were but an egg, would be sorry to see thee lame of a leg. The time will come when we shall be better acquainted, and carry on a closer correspondence, and Heaven knows what may come to pass. Commend me to your daughter Sanchica, and tell her from me, to keep herself in readiness; for I mean to match her very high, when perhaps she thinks least of the matter. I am told your town is famous for fine large acorns; pray send me two dozen, which I shall greatly esteem as coming from your hand. Write me a long letter, giving an account of your health and welfare; and if you should want any thing, you have nothing to do but open your mouth, and it shall be measured. That God would protect you, is the prayer of your-loving friend,
‘The Duchess.’
‘La! now,’ cried Teresa, when she heard the contents of the letter, ‘what a kind, and plain, and humble lady! would I might live, and die, and be buried among such ladies, and not your gentlewomen of this town, who think, forsooth, because they are gentlefolks, the wind must not touch them, and go to church in such finery as if they were perfect queens; nay, they seem to think it a disgrace to look at a poor body; and see here now, how this worthy lady, even though no less than a duchess, calls me friend, and treats me as if I were her own equal; and equal may she be to the highest steeple in all La Mancha. As to what concerns the acorns, kind Sir, I’ll send her a whole peck, so fair and large, that people shall come far and near to see and admire them.—For the present, Sanchica, we must look to the entertainment of this gentleman; let his horse be taken care of; fetch some eggs from the stable, and cut some rashers of bacon, and let us treat him like a prince; for the good news he has brought, and his own good countenance, deserves every thing at our hands. In the mean time I’ll go out, and give an account of our good fortune to my neighbours, especially our father the curate, and Master Nicholas the barber, who are, and always were, such friends to your father.’—‘I will do as you desire, mother,’ answered Sanchica; ‘but remember, you shall give me one half of the string of coral; for I don’t take my lady duchess to be such a ninny as to send the whole for your use.’—‘It is all thy own, daughter,’ replied Teresa; ‘but thou must let me wear it a few days about my neck; for in faith and troth, it will rejoice my poor heart.’—‘It will be still more rejoiced,’ said the page, ‘when you see the bundle in that portmanteau, consisting of a suit of superfine cloth, which was never wore but one day at the hunting, by the governor, who sends it for the sole use of Miss Sanchica.’—‘May he live a thousand years!’ cried Sanchica, ‘as well as he that brings it, neither more nor less; and even two thousand, if there should be occasion.’
Now Teresa going out with the letters, and the string about her neck, went along playing with her fingers upon the paper, as if it had been a cymbal; and casually meeting the curate and Sampson Carrasco, she began to caper about, saying, ‘In good faith, we have no poor kindred now; we have caught the governorship: aye, aye, pick me up the best gentlewoman of them all, ifack! I’ll look upon her as an upstart.’—‘What is the matter, Teresa Panza?’ said the curate; ‘What is the meaning of this rhapsody? and what papers are these?’—‘No rhapsody at all,’ replied Teresa, ‘but only these letters are from duchesses and governors, and these here upon my neck are true corals; the Ave Marias and Paternosters are of beaten gold, and I am a governess!’—‘God shield us, Teresa,’ cried the curate, ‘as we do not understand a word of what you say!’—‘Seeing is believing,’ answered the good woman, putting the letters into his hand; which he having read, in the hearing of Sampson Carrasco, they looked at one another with astonishment. When the batchelor asked who brought those letters, Teresa desired they would go along with her to her house, and they would see the messenger, who was a comely youth, like a perfect golden pine-tree, and had brought another present worth twice as much. The curate taking the string of coral from her neck, viewed and reviewed it with great deliberation; and, being satisfied the beads were real fine coral, was again struck with admiration, and exclaimed, ‘Now, by the habit which I wear! I know not what to say, or what to think of these letters and presents: on one side I see, and even feel, the worth of these corals; and on the other, I read a letter from a duchess, who begs two dozen of acorns!’—‘Reconcile these things if you can,’ said Carrasco; ‘but now let us go and see the bearer of this packet, whose information will solve all these difficulties.’
They accordingly accompanied Teresa, and found the page winnowing a little barley for his beast, while Sanchica was employed in cutting rashers to fry with the eggs, for the entertainment of their guest, whose appearance and equipage gave great satisfaction to the new-comers. After the compliments of salutation had courteously passed between them, Sampson intreated him to tell them news of Don Quixote, as well as of Sancho Panza; for although they had perused the letters of this last, and of my lady duchess, they were still overwhelmed with confusion, and could by no means comprehend the meaning of that government, especially of an island, seeing all, or the greatest part of the islands in the Mediterranean, belonged to his majesty. To this remonstrance the page replied, ‘That Signior Sancho Panza is a governor, there is no sort of doubt; but whether of an island or not, I do not pretend to decide: let it suffice, however, that he governs a place of above a thousand inhabitants; and with respect to the acorns, I can affirm, my Lady Duchess is of such a frank and humble disposition, that her sending for acorns to a countrywoman is not to be wondered at; nay, I once knew her send and borrow a comb of one of her neighbours; for you must know, gentlemen, the ladies of Arragon, although as noble, are not so ceremonious and superb, as the quality of Castile, but treat their inferiors with more frankness and familiarity.’
In the midst of this conversation, Sanchica coming in with her lap full of eggs, addressed herself to the page, saying, ‘Pray, tell me, Signior, does my honoured father wear trunk-hose since he was a governor?’—‘I have not observed that particular,’ replied the page; ‘but certainly he must.’—‘My God!’ cried Sanchica, ‘how glad I should be to see my father with trunk hose! let me never thrive, but I have, ever since I was born, longed to see father in laced trunk-breeches.’—‘Laced hose!’ said the page; ‘Lord, Madam, if he lives, and his government should hold but two months, he is in a fair way of travelling with a hood to his riding-coat.’ The curate and batchelor could easily perceive the page made a jest of his entertainers; but the worth of the coral beads, and the hunting-suit which Sancho had sent, destroyed all their conjectures; for Teresa had shewn them the green garment: nor did they fail to laugh at the ambition of Sanchica; and their mirth was not extinguished, when Teresa accosting the priest, ‘Mr. Curate,’ said she, ‘do pray cast your eyes about a little, and see if any body be going to Madrid or Toledo, that I may have an opportunity to purchase a round farthing-gale, right and tight, fashionable and of the best sort; for truly and truly, I am resolved to honour my spouse’s government as much as lies in my power; aye, and if they vex me, I’ll go to court, and ride in my coach, like all the rest, and the best of them; for she who is married to a governor, may very well procure and maintain such a convenience.’—‘Yea, forsooth,’ replied Sanchica; ‘and would to God it were to-day rather than to-morrow, although those who saw me seated with my lady mother in the coach, should say, Look, at such a one, daughter of such a garlick-eater, how she sits and lolls in a coach, like the pope’s lady; but let them trudge in the dirt, so I ride in my coach, with my feet lifted off the ground: An ill year, and worse month, betide all the envious grumblers upon earth; and, So I am warm, without and within, the mob may laugh, and the malicious grin. Speak I to the purpose, mother?’—‘To the purpose! yes, to be sure, daughter; and all this good luck, and even more, was prophesied by my good man Sancho, and thou shalt see, daughter, it will not stop until I am a countess; for good fortune wants only a beginning, as I have often heard it observed by thy worthy father, who is likewise the father of proverbs; When they bring thee a heifer, be ready with the halter; When they give thee a government, seize it a-God’s name; When they bestow a countship, lay thy clutches upon it; and, When they throw thee some good beneficial bone, wag thy tail, and snap at the favour; if not, sleep on, and never answer to good fortune and preferment, when they knock at thy door.’—‘And what do I care?’ said Sanchica, ‘let them say what they will, when they see me exalted in all my finery, and cry, There goes Mrs. Ape, with her buttocks cased in crape: and all the rest of that stuff.’
The curate hearing her remark, ‘I cannot believe,’ said he, ‘but that all the family of the Panzas are born with a bag of proverbs in their bowels; for I have never seen one of them, who does not scatter about old saws, at all times, and in all conversations.’—‘Your observation is very just,’ said the page; ‘for my Lord Governor Sancho utters them at every step; and although many of his proverbs are not much to the purpose, they nevertheless give great pleasure, and are much extolled by my lady duchess and the duke.’—‘What! and do you still, my good Sir,’ said the batchelor, ‘affirm the truth of that government of Sancho; and that there is actually a duchess who sends letters and presents to his wife? For our parts, although we handle the presents, and have perused the letters, we cannot believe the evidence of our senses, and imagine this is one of those things which our townsman Don Quixote supposed to have been effected by inchantment; and therefore, I own, I have an inclination to touch and feel your person, that I may know whether you are a fantastical ambassador, or really a man of flesh and blood.’—‘Gentlemen,’ replied the page, ‘all that I know of the matter is, that I am a real ambassador; that Signior Sancho Panza is effectually a governor; and that my lord duke, and lady duchess, not only could, but actually did, invest him with that government, in which I hear the said Sancho Panza behaves with vast ability. Whether or not there is any inchantment in the case, I leave you, gentlemen, to dispute and decide among yourselves; that this is all I know of the matter, I swear by the life of my parents, who are still alive, and whom I love and honour with the utmost reverence of affection.’—‘What you say may be true,’ answered the batchelor: ‘but, Dubitat Augustinus.’—‘Doubt as much as you please,’ resumed the page: ‘what I have said is the naked truth, which will always swim above falshood, like oil above water; but, Operibus credite & non verbis: let one of you, gentlemen, go along with me, and he shall see with his eyes what he will not believe upon hearsay.’—‘I am for that jaunt,’ cried Sanchica: ‘good Sir, if you will take me up behind you, I shall be glad to go and see my father’s worship.’—‘The daughters of governors,’ said the page, ‘never travel alone; but always accompanied by coaches, and litters, and a great number of attendants.’—‘’Fore God,’ replied Sanchica, ‘I can travel upon a she-ass as well as in a coach: you won’t find me shy or fearful.’—‘Hold your tongue, wench,’ said Teresa: ‘you know not what you say. The gentleman is in the right; for, Every season has its reason. When it was plain Sancho, it was plain Sancha; but now, being governor, my Lady——I know not if what I say be to the purpose.’—‘Madam Teresa has said more than she is aware of,’ replied the page: ‘but, pray, let me have some victuals, and dispatch me immediately; for I intend to return this evening.’ To this remonstrance the curate answered, ‘Sir, you shall come and do penance with me; for Madam Teresa has more inclination than ability to entertain such a worthy guest.’ The page, at first, declined the invitation; but, at length, found it was his interest to consent; and the curate conducted him to his parsonage, with great pleasure, that he might have an opportunity to enquire at leisure about Don Quixote and his exploits.
The batchelor offered to write answers to Teresa’s letters; but she did not chuse that he should intermeddle in her affairs; for she looked upon him as a wag. She therefore gave a roll of bread, and a couple of eggs, to a noviciate monk who could write; and he penned two letters, one for her husband, and another for the duchess, indited by Teresa’s own noddle, which are not the least entertaining that occur in this sublime history, as will be seen in the sequel.
At length arrived the morning that succeeded the night of the governor’s round, which the gentleman-sewer passed without sleep, so much were his thoughts engrossed by the face, the air, and beauty of the disguised damsel; while the steward employed the time in writing an account of Sancho’s conduct to his lord and lady, equally astonished at his words and actions, in which folly and discretion were strangely blended.
At last my lord governor arose, and by direction of Doctor Pedro Positive, he was fain to break his fast with a little conserve, and four gulps of cold water, which Sancho would have gladly exchanged for a luncheon of bread and a bunch of grapes; but, finding himself under compulsion, he bore his fate with grief of soul and anxiety of stomach; Pedro Positive giving him to understand, that your slight and delicate dishes animate the genius, consequently were most proper for persons appointed to posts and offices of importance, in which corporal strength cannot avail so much as the vigour of the understanding. By this sort of sophistry Sancho was subjected to such severe hunger, that he in secret cursed the government; aye, and him who conferred it: nevertheless, in despight of hunger, and upon the strength of the conserve, he, that day, sat in judgment; and the first case that occurred, was a question put by a stranger, in presence of the steward and the rest of the assistants: ‘My lord,’ said he, ‘a certain manor is divided by a large river—I beg your honour will be attentive; for the case is of great consequence, and some difficulty. I say, then, upon this river is a bridge, and at one end of it the gibbet, together with a sort of court-hall, in which four judges usually sit, to execute the law enacted by the lord of the river, bridge, and manor, which runs to this effect: “Whosoever shall pass over this bridge, must first swear whence he comes, and whither he goes: if he swears the truth, he shall be allowed to pass; but if he forswears himself, he shall die upon the gallows, without mercy or respite.”
‘This law, together with the rigorous penalty, being known, numbers passed, and as it appeared they swore nothing but the truth, the judges permitted them to pass freely, and without controul. It happened, however, that one man’s oath being taken, he affirmed, and swore by his deposition, that he was going to be hanged on that gibbet, and had no other errand or intention. The judges having considered this oath, observed, if we allow the man to pass freely, he swore to a lye, and therefore ought to be hanged according to law; and if we order him to be hanged, after he hath sworn he was going to be suspended on that gibbet, he will have sworn the truth, and by the same law ought to be acquitted. I beg, therefore, to know of your honour, my lord governor, what the judges must do with this man: for hitherto they are doubtful and in suspense; and having heard of your lordship’s acute and elevated understanding, they have sent me to intreat your honour, in their names, to favour them with your opinion in a case of such doubt and intricacy.’ To this address Sancho replied, ‘Assuredly, those judges who sent you to me, might have spared themselves the trouble; for I am a man that may be said to be rather blunt than acute: nevertheless, repeat the business so that I may understand it fully, and who knows but I may chance to hit the nail on the head.’ The interrogator having repeated his story again and again, Sancho said, ‘I think I can now explain the case in the twinkling of two balls: and this it is: A man swears he is going to be hanged on such a gibbet; if he actually suffers upon that gibbet, he swore the truth, and by the enacted law ought to be allowed freely to pass the bridge; but if he is not hanged, he swore false, and for that reason ought to suffer upon the gibbet.’
‘The case is exactly as my lord governor conceives it,’ said the messenger: ‘and with respect to the scope, and understanding of the matter, there is no farther room for doubt or interrogation,’—‘I say, then,’ replied Sancho, ‘that part of the man which swore truth, ought to be allowed to pass; and that which told a lye, ought to be hanged; and in this manner the terms or condition of passing will be literally fulfilled.’
‘But, my lord governor,’ replied the questioner, ‘in that case it will be necessary to divide the man into two parts, namely, the false and the true; and if he is so divided, he must certainly die: therefore, the intent of the law will be frustrated, whereas, there is an express necessity for its being accomplished.’—‘Come hither, honest friend,’ said Sancho; ‘either I am a blockhead, or this passenger you mention has an equal title to be hanged, and to live and pass over the bridge; for, if the truth saves him on one side, his falshood condemns him equally on the other. Now, this being the case, as it certainly is, I think you must tell the gentleman who sent you hither, that as the reasons for condemning and for acquitting the culprit are equally balanced, they shall let him freely pass; for it is always more laudable to do good than harm; and to this opinion I would subscribe if I could write my name. Nor, indeed, have I spoken my own sentiment on this occasion: but I have recollected one, among the many precepts I received from my master Don Quixote, the night before I set out for the government of this island; he said, that when justice was doubtful, I should chuse and lean towards mercy; and it pleased God that I should now remember this maxim, which falls so pat to the present purpose.’—‘So it does,’ said the steward; ‘and I firmly believe, that Lycurgus himself, who gave laws to the Lacedemonians could not have uttered a more sagacious decision than that which the great Panza has pronounced. Now, let the audience end for this morning, and I will give orders that my lord governor shall dine to his heart’s content.’—‘That is my request,’ cried Sancho: ‘nothing but fair play; give me plenty of victuals, and let them load me with cases and doubts, I will soon make them vanish into smoke.’
The steward kept his word; for he had a scruple of conscience in famishing such a discreet governor; especially as he intended that night to conclude the farce with the last joke he had a commission to execute.
Well, then, Sancho having dined that day, contrary to all the rules and aphorisms of Doctor Snatchaway, the cloth was no sooner removed than a courier entered with a letter from Don Quixote to the governor, who desired the secretary to read it by himself; and then, if there was nothing in it which required to be kept secret, to rehearse it in an audible voice. The secretary, in obedience to his command, having perused it in secret, ‘It may be very safely read aloud,’ said he; ‘what Signior Don Quixote writes to your lordship, deserves to be printed, and even displayed in golden letters. This is the purport of the letter.’
THE LETTER FROM DON QUIXOTE DE LA MANCHA TO SANCHO PANZA, GOVERNOR OF THE ISLAND BARATARIA.
‘FRIEND SANCHO,
‘When I expected to hear of thy negligence and impertinence, I was informed of thy discretion, for which I have returned particular thanks to Heaven, that can raise the poor from the dunghill, and extract wisdom from the heart of the fool. I am told thou hast governed like a man, and that thou art a man as if thou wert a beast; such is the humility of thy deportment. Take notice, Sancho, it is often convenient and necessary, for the authority of office, to refill the humility of the heart; for the ornament of the person invested with charges of dignity, ought to be conformable to what these require, and not measured according to the will of an humble disposition. Appear always well-dressed; for a maypole when decorated loses its original appearance: not that I advise thee to wear jewels and finery; or, as thou art a judge, to go in the habit of a soldier; but to adorn thyself with that garb which thine office requires, and to be always clean, and neatly dressed. In order to acquire the good will of the people over whom thou art set, among other things, remember two particulars; one is to be affable to every body—but this I have mentioned upon another occasion; the other is to procure plenty of provision; for there is nothing that gives such vexation to the poor as hunger and dearth.
‘Do not issue a great number of ordinances, but take care that those which are published be good; and, above all things, see they are maintained and put in execution; for those ordinances which are not observed, might as well be annulled, as they serve to demonstrate that the prince who had discretion and authority to enact them, wanted power to enforce obedience; and those laws which only intimidate, without being put in execution, resemble the King Log of the frogs, which at first terrified his subjects, by whom, however, at the long run, he was despised and insulted. Be thou a father to the virtuous, and a stepfather to the wicked. Thou must not be always rigorous, nor always gentle; but chuse the medium between these two extremities, in which lies the point of discretion. Visit the prisons, the slaughter-houses, and the markets; for in such places the presence of the governor will be of great importance. Console the prisoners with hope of being speedily dispatched. Be a bug-bear to butchers, for then they will use honest weights; and a terror to market-women, for the same reason. Beware of shewing thyself (though thou really shouldst be so, and yet I believe thou art not) a miser, a letcher, or a glutton; for thy people, and those who have concerns with thee, knowing the bias of thine inclination, will batter thee from that quarter, until thou art overthrown into the profundity of perdition. Consider and reconsider, peruse and re-peruse, the advices and instructions which I gave thee in writing before thy departure for thy government; and, if thou observest the contents, thou wilt find in them a precious aid, that will alleviate the toils and difficulties which every moment occur to governors. Write to thy noble patrons, to evince thy gratitude; for ingratitude is the daughter of pride, and one of the vilest sins that can be committed; and the person who is grateful to his benefactor gives indication that he is also grateful to God, whose benefits are so manifold and incessant. My lady duchess dispatched a messenger with thy hunting-suit, and another present to thy wife Teresa, and we expect her answer every moment.
‘I have been somewhat indisposed, in consequence of a certain cat-clawing adventure, which I lately atchieved with some discomfiture of my nose; but that was of no consequence; for if I am maltreated by one set of inchanters, I am protected by another. Let me know if the steward, who is with thee, had any concern in the adventure of the Countess Trifaldi, as thou once seemedst to suspect; and give me an account of every thing that betides thee, seeing the distance between us is so small. I think of leaving, in a little time, this idle life, for which I was never designed. I am like to be engaged in an affair, which, I believe, will bring me into disgrace with the duke and duchess; but, although this affects my mind, it shall not influence my conduct; for, in a word, I am resolved to comply with the duties of my profession, rather than with the dictates of their pleasure; in conformity with the old saying, “Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas.” I write this sentence in Latin, because I apprehend thou hast learned that language since thou wast a governor. I commit thee to the protection of God, who is the fountain of all good; and am thy friend,
‘Don Quixote de La Mancha.’
Sancho listened with great attention to the letter, which was applauded, for the good sense it contained, by all the hearers; then the governor rising from table, shut himself up in his apartment with the secretary, in order to compose an answer to his master, without loss of time. He desired the scribe to write what he should dictate, without the least addition or diminution. The secretary obeyed his command, and the answer was to this effect—
SANCHO PANZA’S LETTER TO DON QUIXOTE DE LA MANCHA.
‘The employment of my office is so severe, that I have not time to scratch my head, or even to pair my nails, which I, therefore, wear so long, that God must find some remedy. This I observe, dear master of my soul, that your worship need not be confounded because I have not hitherto given you an account of my well or ill-being in this government; where, by the bye, I suffer more pinching hunger than when we two used to travel through woods and desarts.
‘My lord duke gave me notice the other day, in a letter, that certain spies had entered the island, in order to murder me; but, as yet, I have, discovered none, except a doctor, who has a salary in the place, for killing all the governors that come hither. They call him Doctor Pedro Positive, and he is a native of Snatchaway; so that your worship may see by his name, what reason I have to fear I shall perish by his hands. This very doctor frankly owns, that he does not cure the distempers which are already formed, but only prevents their formation; and the medicine he prescribes, is fasting upon fasting, until the patient is clean skin and bone, as if a consumption was not worse than a fever. Finally, he is killing me by inches with hunger; and I find myself dying of pure vexation; for I thought, in coming to this government, I should have hot meals and cool liquor, and regale my body in Holland sheets, upon beds of down; whereas, I am come to penance like a hermit; and as I cannot even do that, I believe, at the long run, the devil will fly away with me.
‘Hitherto I have neither touched fee nor fingered bribe; nor can I conceive the reason of such proceeding; for I have been told, that the governors who used to come to this island, even before their entrance, always received a good sum of money, either by way of present or loan, from the inhabitants; a custom observed in other governments as well as in this.
‘In going the round last night, I found a very beautiful damsel in man’s cloaths, and her brother in the dress of a woman: my gentleman-sewer is in love with the girl, and, as he says, hath fixed his fancy on her for a wife, and I have chosen the youth for my son-in-law; to-day we two will communicate our thoughts to the father of this young pair, who is one Diego de Llana, a gentleman, and as old a Christian as one would desire.
‘I visit the markets, according to your worship’s advice; and yesterday seeing a huckster selling new nuts, I discovered that she had mixed with a bushel of the new, the same quantity of old nuts that were empty and rotten; upon which I gave the whole to the charity boys, who know very well how to separate the good from the bad, and forbade her to enter the market for fifteen days: I was told I had done gallantly. What I can assure your worship is, that according to the report of this town, there is not a more wicked set of people than those market-women; for they are all without shame, conscience, and moderation; and, indeed, I believe the report, from what I have seen in other corporations.
‘It gives me great satisfaction to hear that my lady duchess has written to my wife Teresa Panza, and sent the present your worship mentions; and I will endeavour to shew my gratitude in due season. I beg your worship will kiss her grace’s hand, in my name, and tell her I say, she has not thrown her favour into a rotten sack, as our deeds shall declare. I should be sorry that your worship came to any reckonings of disgust with my lord duke and lady duchess; for should there be any breach between you, it is very plain the whole would redound to my loss; and, considering the advice you gave me to be always grateful, it would not look well in your worship to be otherwise to those who have done you such favours, and treated you so nobly in their castle.
‘The story of the cat-clawing I do not understand; but do suppose it must have been one of those unlucky frays in which your worship is often engaged with wicked inchanters; but I shall know when we meet.
‘I would fain present your worship with something, but I know not what to send, except some clyster-pipes, which are very curiously turned and mounted in this island; though, if my office holds, it shall go hard but I will find something to send, either by hook or crook. If my wife Teresa Panza should write to me, I beg your worship will pay the postage, and forward the letter; for I am extremely desirous to know the state of my family, my wife, and children. And, now, the Lord deliver your worship from evil-designing inchanters, and safely and peaceably quit me of this government; which I very much doubt; for I believe I shall leave my bones in it, so cruelly am I treated by Doctor Pedro Positive. Your worship’s humble servant,
‘Sancho Panza the Governor.’
The secretary having sealed this letter, dispatched it with the courier; and those who executed the jokes upon Sancho, laying their heads together, contrived a scheme for dismissing him from the administration. The evening his excellency spent in making some wholesome regulations touching the government of what he imagined to be an island. Among other things, he ordained that there should be no monopolizers of provisions in the commonwealth: that wine should be imported from all parts indifferently, at the pleasure of the merchant; with this addition, that he should declare the place from whence it came, so as that a price might be set upon it, according to its worth, fame, and estimation: and he who should be detected in dashing it with water, or falsifying its name, should suffer death for the offence. He moderated the price of all kinds of hose, and particularly that of shoes, which he looked upon as exorbitant; he rated the wages of servants who went at full gallop in the road of interest; he laid severe penalties upon those who should sing lewd and lascivious ballads, by night or by day; he ordered that no blind man should sing his miracle in couplets, without an authentick testimony of the truth; it appearing that the greatest part of those sung by blind persons, are false and feigned, to the prejudice of those which are true; he made and appointed an overseer of the poor, not to persecute, but to examine whether or not they were real objects; for sturdy thieves and hale drunkards often screen themselves in the shade of feigned lameness, and counterfeit sores. In a word, he made so many good regulations, that they are hitherto preserved in the place, and called, The Constitutions of the Great Governor Sancho Panza.
Cid Hamet recounts, that Don Quixote being now cured of his scratches, began to think the life he led in the castle was altogether contrary to the order of chivalry which he professed; and therefore he determined to beg leave of the duke and duchess to set out for Saragossa, as the time of the tournament approached; for there he laid his account with winning the armour which is the reward of the victor. Accordingly, while he one day sat at table with the duke and duchess, he began to execute his resolution in asking leave; when behold, all of a sudden, two women, as it afterwards appeared, entered the dining-room, covered with mourning from head to foot. One of them approaching Don Quixote, prostrated herself before him, and with her mouth close to his feet, uttered such melancholy, profound, and doleful groans, as overwhelmed all the spectators with confusion: for, although the duke and duchess imagined it was some joke which the servants intended to perpetrate upon the knight; yet, seeing how violently the woman sighed, groaned, and wept, they remained doubtful and in suspense, until the compassionate Don Quixote raised her from the ground, and intreated her to discover herself, by taking away the veil that concealed her rueful face. She complied with his request, and shewed herself to be what nobody believed she was; for she displayed the individual countenance of Donna Rodriguez, the duenna of the house, and the other mourner was her daughter, who had been seduced by the rich farmer’s son. All who knew her were struck with admiration, and the duke and duchess more than any body; for, although they took her to be a fool, and a person of a soft disposition, they did not think her folly could have risen to such acts of extravagance. In fine, Donna Rodriguez addressing herself to the duke and duchess, ‘I hope,’ said she, ‘your excellencies will give me leave to communicate a little with this knight: for it is necessary I should confer with him, that I may be safely extricated from the dilemma in which I am involved by the presumption of an evil-minded clown.’
The duke having assured her she was at full liberty to confer with Signior Don Quixote as much as she pleased, she directed her voice and her countenance to the knight, saying, ‘Some days are elapsed, most valiant knight, since I gave you an account of the wrong and treachery which a wicked peasant has done my dearly-beloved daughter, who is this unfortunate creature now standing before you; and you promised, in her behalf, to redress the wrong she had suffered: but now I am informed that you are going to depart from this castle, in quest of the happy adventures God shall throw in your way; and therefore I could wish that before you begin your career through those paths, you would defy this inflexible rustick, and compel him to marry my daughter, and so fulfil the promise he made of being her spouse, before he first yoked with her in the way of love; for, to think my lord duke will do me justice, is the same as to look for pears upon an elm, for the reason which I explained to your worship in private. And upon these terms, the Lord preserve your worship’s health, and grant us his protection.’
To this address, Don Quixote, with great gravity and stateliness of deportment, replied, ‘Worthy duenna, moderate, or rather dry up your tears, and spare your sighs; for here I undertake to redress the grievances of your daughter: though it would have been better for her, had not she so easily believed the protestations of lovers, who, for the most part, are very ready and alert to promise, but very heavy and backward in the performance; nevertheless, with the good leave of my lord duke, I will forthwith set out in quest of this perfidious youth, and having found him, defy and slay him, whensoe’er and wheresoe’er he shall refuse to perform his promise; for the principal aim of my profession is, to pardon the humble, and chastize the haughty; that is, to succour the wretched, and destroy the cruel.’—‘Your worship,’ replied the duke, ‘need not give yourself the trouble to go in quest of the rustick who is the subject of this worthy duenna’s complaint; nor is there any occasion for your worship’s asking my leave to challenge him to single combat; I consider the challenge as already given; I undertake for its being conveyed to the party, and even for its acceptance; and promise that he shall come to answer for himself in person at this castle, where I will furnish both with a listed field, and observe all the conditions that are wont and ought to be observed in such encounters; for justice shall be equally done to each, according to the obligation that lies on all those princes who furnish lists for combatants within the limits of their territories.’—‘With this security, then, and the good leave of your grace,’ replied Don Quixote, ‘I now, for once, renounce my gentility, humble and adjust myself to the level of the delinquent, making myself equal with him, that he may be entitled and enabled to fight with me: I therefore, though in his absence, challenge and defy him, for his wickedness in seducing this poor creature, who was a maid, and now, through his fault, is deprived of her maidenhead; and he shall either perform the promise he made of being her lawful spouse, or die in default of the performance.’
So saying, he pulled off one of his gloves, and threw it into the middle of the hall; this was taken up by the duke, who said he accepted the challenge in the name of his vassal: he likewise appointed the time at the distance of six days, and pitched upon the courtyard of the castle as the field of action: then they agreed to wear the usual arms of knights; namely, the lance, the shield, the plaited coat of mail, and all other pieces, without the least fraud, treachery, or superstition, to be viewed and examined by the judges of the lists.—‘But, before we proceed,’ said the duke, ‘it will be necessary that this good duenna, and this mistaken maid, should put the justice of their cause into the hands of Signior Don Quixote; otherwise nothing to the purpose will be done, nor will the challenge ever come to due execution.’
‘I do put my cause into his hands,’ replied the duenna. ‘And I too,’ cried the daughter; all in tears, and overwhelmed with shame and confusion. The particulars of this affair being adjusted, and the duke having determined with himself what was to be done in the family, the mourners retired, and the duchess ordered that for the future they should not be treated as her servants, but as ladies adventurers come to her house to demand justice: she therefore allotted a separate apartment to themselves, and they were attended as strangers, not without the amazement of other servants, who could not conceive what would be the issue of the folly and effrontery of Donna Rodriguez and her indiscreet and unhappy daughter.
At this instant, in order to compleat the mirth of the company, and finish their meal with more enjoyment, who should enter the hall but the page who carried the letters and presents to Teresa Panza, the wife of Governor Sancho Panza! The duke and duchess were extremely pleased at his arrival, and desirous to know the particulars of his journey, about which he was questioned accordingly. The page answered that he could not describe them in publick, or in a few words; but begged their excellencies would be pleased to reserve the account for their private ear; and, in the mean time entertain themselves with these letters. So saying, he produced two letters, and gave them to the duchess, one superscribed in these words: ‘To my Lady Duchess of I know not what nor where.’ And the other directed, ‘To my husband Sancho Panza, governor of the island Barataria, whom God prosper many more years than myself.’
The duchess would not toast her cake, as the saying is, until she had read her letter, which having opened and perused by herself, when she perceived it might be recited aloud for the benefit of the duke and the company, she rehearsed it with an audible voice, to this effect.
TERESA PANZA’S LETTER TO THE DUCHESS.
‘I received great satisfaction, my lady, from the letter your grace was pleased to write to me; for, in truth, it was what I greatly desired; the string of coral is very good, and my husband’s hunting-suit comes not short of it. Your ladyship’s having made my spouse Sancho a governor, has given great pleasure to all our town, although there are some who cannot believe it, especially the curate Mr. Nicholas, the barber, and the batchelor Sampson Carrasco; but that gives me no trouble; for seeing it be so, as it certainly is, let people say what they will: though, if the truth must be told, had not the string of coral and the hunting-suit come, I should not have believed it myself; for in our town, every body takes my husband for a noodle, and taken as he was, from governing an herd of goats, they cannot conceive what other government he can be good for. The Lord make him fit for his office, and conduct him in that way which will be most for the advantage of his children!
‘For my own part, dear lady of my soul, I am resolved, with your honour’s leave, to bring this happy day home to my own house, and hie me to the court, where I will loll in my coach, and burst the eyes of a thousand people who envy my good fortune: I beg, therefore, your excellency will tell my husband to send me money, and let it be a round sum; for it is very expensive living at court, where bread sells for a rial, and meat for thirty maravedis a pound; and that is an unconscionable price. If he does not chuse that I should go, let him give me notice in time, for my feet itch to be a travelling; and my neighbours and gossips tell me, if I and my daughter go to court, and appear in pomp and grandeur, my husband will come to be known by me, more than I by him; because, when people ask, “Who are these ladies in that coach?” one of my servants will answer, “These are the wife and daughter of Sancho Panza, governor of the island Barataria.” And in this manner Sancho will be known, I shall be respected, and to Rome for every thing.
‘I was vexed to the heart that this year there was no acorn harvest in our town; nevertheless I send your highness about half a peck, which I gathered one by one upon the mountain, and went thither on purpose: I could find none larger, though I wish they were as big as ostrich eggs.
‘I hope your pomposity will not forget to write to me, and I will take care to send an answer, giving an account of my own health, and of every thing that may be worth mentioning from this place, where I remain praying to our Lord that he will preserve your grace, without forgetting me. My daughter Sanchica and my son kiss your honour’s hand: and this is all at present from her who had much rather see your grace, than subscribe herself, your humble servant,
‘Teresa Panza.’
Great was the satisfaction which all the hearers received from this letter of Teresa Panza, though the greatest share fell to the duke and duchess; and her grace asked Don Quixote, whether or not he thought it would be proper to open the letter directed for the governor, which she imagined must be excellent in its kind. The knight said he would open it, to oblige her grace; and having done so, found the contents to this purpose.
TERESA PANZA’S LETTER TO HER HUSBAND SANCHO PANZA.
‘I received thy letter, dear Sancho of my soul, and I promise and swear to thee, on the faith of a catholick christian, I was within two fingers breadth of running mad with joy; and take notice, brother, when I heard thou wast a governor, I had like to have dropped down dead with pure pleasure; for thou knowest they say, sudden joy kills as well as deadly sorrow: thy daughter Sanchica scattered her water about insensibly, out of mere satisfaction: thy hunting-suit lay before me, the string of corals sent by my lady duchess was tied round my neck, the letters were in my hand, and the messenger in my presence; and yet, I imagined and believed, that all I saw and handled was a dream; for who could conceive that a goatherd should come to be governor of islands? Thou know’st, my friend, that my mother said, One must live long to see a great deal: this I mention, because I hope to see more if I live longer; for I do not intend to stop, until I see thee a farmer, or collector of the revenue; offices which, though they carry those who abuse them to the devil, are, in short, always bringing in the penny.
‘My lady duchess will tell thee how desirous I am of going to court: consider of it, and let me know thy pleasure; for I will endeavour to do thee honour there, by riding in my coach.
‘The curate, barber, batchelor, and even the sexton, cannot believe thou art a governor, and say the whole is a deception or matter of inchantment, like all the affairs of thy master Don Quixote. Sampson vows he will go in quest of thee, and drive this government out of thy head, as well as the madness out of Don Quixote’s scull: I say nothing, but laugh in my own sleeve, look at my beads, and contrive how to make thy hunting-suit into a gown and petticoat for our daughter. I have sent some acorns to my lady duchess, and I wish they were of gold: send me some strings of pearl, if they are in fashion in thy island. The news of our town are these: the widow of the hill has matched her daughter with a bungling painter, who came here and undertook all sorts of brush-work; the corporation employed him to paint his majesty’s arms over the door of the town house; he demanded two ducats for the job, and they paid him beforehand; but after he had laboured eight whole days, he produced nothing, and saying he could not hit upon such trifles, returned the money; and yet for all that, he married with the character of a good workman; true it is, he hath already laid aside the pencil, and taken up the spade, and goes to the field like a gentleman. Pedro de Lobo’s son has taken orders, and shaved his head, with intention to become a priest; and this circumstance being known by Minguilla, niece of Mingo Silvato, she is going to sue him upon promise of marriage: evil tongues scruple not to say she is with child by him; but this he positively denies. This year there are no olives, nor a drop of vinegar in the whole town. A company of soldiers marching this way, carried off three girls belonging to the village; but I will not tell thee who they are, because perhaps they will return, and then there will not be wanting husbands who will take them with all their faults. Sanchica, by making bone-lace, clears eight maravedis a day, which she keeps in a pipkin, to be a stock to her when she grows up: but now, that she is a governor’s daughter, thou wilt give her a portion without her working for it. The publick fountain is dried up. A thunder-bolt fell upon the pillory, and there may they always light! I expect an answer to this epistle, and thy resolution about my going to court: and so, God preserve thee more years than I have to live, or as many; for I should not chuse to leave thee behind me in this world. Thy faithful spouse,
‘Teresa Panza.’
The letters were read with admiration, esteem, laughter, and applause; and the entertainment was crowned by the arrival of the courier who brought Sancho’s epistle to Don Quixote, which, being likewise recited in publick, rendered the governor’s folly extremely doubtful. The duchess retired, in order to be informed by the page of what had happened to him in Sancho’s village; and he recounted the particulars at large, without leaving one circumstance untold: he delivered the acorns, together with a cheese, which Teresa vouched for excellent, and even preferred to those of Tronchon. This the duchess received with excessive pleasure, in the enjoyment of which we will leave her grace, and relate in what manner concluded the government of the great Sancho Panza, the flower and mirrour of all insulary governors.
END OF BOOK III. PART II.