ACT II
SCENE Gardens in Castle Adamant. A river runs across the
back of the stage, crossed by a rustic bridge. Castle
Adamant in the distance.
Girl Graduates discovered seated at the feet of Lady
Psyche
CHORUS OF GIRLS & SOLOS (Lady Psyche, Melissa and
Sacharissa)
"Towards the empyrean heights"
Chorus: Towards the empyrean heights
Of ev'ry kind of lore,
We've taken several easy flights,
And mean to take some more.
In trying to achieve success
No envy racks our heart,
And all the knowledge we possess,
We mutually impart.
SOLO — Melissa
Pray, what authors should she read
Who in Classics would succeed?
SOLO — Psyche
If you'd climb the Helicon,
You should read Anacreon,
Ovid's Metamorphoses,
Likewise Aristophanes,
And the works of Juvenal:
These are worth attention, all;
But, if you will be advised,
You will get them Bowdlerized!
Chorus: Ah! we will get them Bowdlerized!
SOLO — Sacharissa
Pray you, tell us, if you can,
What's the thing that's known as Man?
SOLO — Psyche
Man will swear and man will storm—
Man is not at all good form—
Is of no kind of use—
Man's a donkey — Man's a goose—
Man is coarse and Man is plain—
Man is more or less insane—
Man's a ribald — Man's a rake,
Man is Nature's sole mistake!
Chorus: We'll a memorandum make—
Man is Nature's sole mistake!
And thus to empyrean height
Of ev'ry kind of lore,
In search of wisdom's pure delight,
Ambitiously we soar.
In trying to achieve success
No envy racks our heart,
For all we know and all we guess
We mutually impart!
And all the knowledge we possess,
We mutually impart,
We mutually impart, impart.
(Enter Lady Blanche. All stand up demurely)
Blanche: Attention, ladies, while I read to you
The Princess Ida's list of punishments.
The first is Sacharissa. She's expelled!
All: Expelled!
Blan.: Expelled, because although she knew
No man of any kind may pass our walls,
She dared to bring a set of chessmen here!
Sach.: (Crying) I meant no harm; they're only men of wood!
Blan.: They're men with whom you give each other mate,
And that's enough! The next is Chloe.
Chloe: Ah!
Blan.: Chloe will lose three terms, for yesterday,
When looking through her drawing-book, I found
A sketch of a perambulator!
All: (Horrified) Oh!
Blan.: Double perambulator...
All: Oh, oh!
Blan.: ...shameless girl!
That's all at present. Now, attention, pray;
Your Principal the Princess comes to give
Her usual inaugural address
To those young ladies who joined yesterday.
CHORUS OF GIRLS
"Mighty maiden with a mission"
Girls: Mighty maiden with a mission,
Paragon of common sense,
Running fount of erudition,
Miracle of eloquence,
Altos: We are blind and we
would see;
Sops: We are bound, and would be free;
Girls: We are dumb, and we would talk;
We are lame, and we would walk.
(Enter
the Princess)
Mighty maiden with a mission—
Paragon of common sense;
Running found of erudition—
Miracle of eloquence, of eloquence!
RECITATIVE & ARIA (Princess)
"Minerva! Oh, hear Me"
Princess: Minerva! Minerva!
Oh, hear me:
Oh, goddess wise
That lovest light
Endow with sight
Their unillumin'd eyes.
At this my call,
A fervent few
Have come to woo
The rays that from thee fall,
That from thee fall.
Oh, goddess wise
That lovest light,
That lovest light,
Let fervent words and fervent thoughts be mine,
That I may lead them to thy sacred shrine!
Let fervent words and fervent thoughts be mine,
That I may lead them to thy sacred shrine,
I may lead them to thy sacred shrine, thy sacred
shrine!
Princess: Women of Adamant, fair Neophytes—
Who thirst for such instruction as we give,
Attend, while I unfold a parable.
The elephant is mightier than Man,
Yet Man subdues him. Why? The elephant
Is elephantine everywhere but here (tapping her
forehead),
And Man, whose brain is to the elephant's
As Woman's brain to Man's - (that's rule of three),—
Conquers the foolish giant of the woods,
As Woman, in her turn, shall conquer Man.
In Mathematics, Woman leads the way;
The narrow-minded pedant still believes
That two and two make four! Why, we can prove,
We women — household drudges as we are—
That two and two make five — or three — or seven;
Or five and twenty, if the case demands!
Diplomacy? The wiliest diplomat
Is absolutely helpless in our hands.
He wheedles monarchs — Woman wheedles him!
Logic? Why, tyrant Man himself admits
It's a waste of time to argue with a woman!
Then we excel in social qualities:
Though man professes that he holds our sex
In utter scorn, I venture to believe
He'd rather pass the day with one of you,
Than with five hundred of his fellow-men!
In all things we excel. Believing this,
A hundred maidens here have sworn to place
Their feet upon his neck. If we succeed,
We'll treat him better than he treated us:
But if we fail, why, then let hope fail too!
Let no one care a penny how she looks—
Let red be worn with yellow — blue with green—
Crimson with scarlet — violet with blue!
Let all your things misfit, and you yourselves
At inconvenient moments come undone!
Let hair-pins lose their virtue: let the hook
Disdain the fascination of the eye—
The bashful button modestly evade
The soft embraces of the button-hole!
Let old associations all dissolve,
Let Swan secede from Edgar — Gask from Gask,
Sewell from Cross — Lewis from Allenby!
In other words, let Chaos come again!
(Coming down) Who lectures in the Hall of Arts to-day?
Blanche: I, madam, on Abstract Philosophy.
There I propose considering, at length,
Three points — The Is, the Might Be, and the Must.
Whether the Is, from being actual fact,
Is more important than the vague Might Be,
Or the Might Be, from taking wider scope,
Is for that reason greater than the Is:
And lastly, how the Is and Might Be stand
Compared with the inevitable Must!
Princess: The subject's deep — how do you treat it, pray?
Blan.: Madam, I take three possibilities,
And strike a balance then between the three:
As thus: The Princess Ida Is our head,
the Lady Psyche Might Be, — Lady Blanche,
Neglected Blanche, inevitably Must.
Given these three hypotheses — to find
The actual betting against each of them!
Princess: Your theme's ambitious: pray you bear in mind
Who highest soar fall farthest. Fare you well,
You and your pupils! Maidens, follow me.
[Exeunt Princess
and maidens.
Manet
Lady Blanche.
EXEUNT FOR PRINCESS IDA & GIRLS
"And thus to Empyrean Height"
Chorus: And thus to empyrean height
Of ev'ry kind of lore,
In search of wisdom's pure delight,
Ambitiously we soar.
In trying to achieve success
No envy racks our heart,
For all we know and all we guess
We mutually impart!
And all the knowledge we possess,
We mutually impart,
We mutually impart, impart.
Blan.: I should command here — I was born to rule,
But do I rule? I don't. Why? I don't know.
I shall some day. Not yet, I bide my time.
I once was Some One — and the Was Will Be.
The Present as we speak becomes the Past,
The Past repeats itself, and so is Future!
This sounds involved. It's not. It's right enough.
(Since 1935 the following song has been usually omitted)
SONG (Lady Blanche)
"Come, mighty Must!"
Blanche: Come mighty Must!
Inevitable Shall!
In thee I trust.
Time weaves my coronal!
Go, mocking Is!
Go, disappointing Was!
That I am this
Ye are the cursed cause!
Ye are the cursed cause!
Yet humble second shall be first,
I wean
And dead and buried be the curst
Has Been!
Oh, weak Might Be!
Oh, May, Might, Could, Would, Should!
How pow'rless ye
For evil or for good!
In ev'ry sense
Your moods I cheerless call.
Whate'er your tense
Ye are imperfect all.
Ye have deceiv'd the trust I've shown
In ye!
Ye have deceiv'd the trust I've shown
In ye!
I've shown in ye!
Away! The Mighty Must alone
Shall be!
[Exit
Lady Blanche
[Enter Hilarion, Cyril, and Florian, climbing over wall, and creep-
ing cautiously among the trees and rocks at the back
of
the stage.]
TRIO (Cyril, Hilarion and Florian)
"Gently, gently"
All: Gently, gently,
Evidently
We are safe so far,
After scaling
Fence and paling,
Here, at last, we are!
Florian: In this college,
Useful knowledge
Ev'rywhere one finds,
And already,
Growing steady,
We've enlarged our minds
Cyril: We learnt that prickly cactus
Has power to attract us
When we fall.
All: When we fall!
Hilarion: That nothing man unsettles
Like a bed of stinging nettles,
Short or tall.
All: Short or tall!
Florian: That bull-dogs feed on throttles—
That we don't like broken bottles
On a wall.
All: On a wall!
Hilarion: That spring-guns breathe defiance!
And that burglary's a science
After all!
All: After all!
Florian: A Woman's college! maddest folly going!
What can girls learn within its walls worth
knowing?
I'll lay a crown (the Princess shall decide it)
I'll teach them twice as much in half-an-hour
outside it.
Hilarion: Hush, scoffer; ere you sound your puny thunder,
List to their aims, and bow your head in wonder!
They intend to send a wire
To the moon
Cyril &
Florian: To the moon;
Hilarion: And they'll set the Thames on fire
Very soon
Cyril &
Florian: Very soon;
Hilarion: Then they'll learn to make silk purses
With their rigs
Cyril &
Florian: With their rigs.
Hilarion: From the ears of Lady Circe's
Piggy-wigs
Cyril &
Florian: Piggy-wigs.
Hilarion: And weasels at their slumbers
They trepan
Cyril &
Florian: They trepan;
Hilarion: To get sunbeams from cucumbers
They've a plan
Cyril
& Florian: They've a plan.
Hilarion: They've a firmly rooted notion
They can cross the Polar Ocean,
And they'll find Perpetual Motion,
If they can
All: If they can.
These are the phenomena
That ev'ry pretty domina
Is hoping at her Universitee we shall see.
These are the phenomena
That ev'ry pretty domina
Is hoping at her Universitee we shall see!
Cyril: As for fashion, they forswear it,
So they say
Hilarion &
Florian: So they say;
Cyril: And the circle — they will square it
Some fine day
Hilarion &
Florian: Some fine day;
Cyril: Then the little pigs they're teaching
For to fly
Hilarion &
Florian: For to fly;
Cyril: And the niggers they'll be bleaching,
By and by
Hilarion &
Florian: By and by!
Cyril: Each newly joined aspirant
To the clan
Hilarion &
Florian: To the clan
Cyril: Must repudiate the tyrant
Known as Man
Hilarion &
Florian: Known as Man.
Cyril: They'll mock at him and flout him,
For they do not care about him
And they're "going to do without him"
If they can
All: If they can!
These are the phenomena
That ev'ry pretty domina
Is hoping at her Universitee we shall see.
These are the phenomena
That ev'ry pretty domina
Is hoping at her Universitee we shall see!
Hilarion: So that's the Princess Ida's castle! Well,
They must be lovely girls, indeed, if it requires
Such walls as those to keep intruders off!
Cyril: To keep men off is only half their charge,
And that the easier half. I much suspect
The object of these walls is not so much
To keep men off as keep the maidens in!
Florian: But what are these? (Examining some Collegiate robes)
Hilarion: (looking at them) Why, Academic robes,
Worn by the lady undergraduates
When they matriculate. Let's try them on. (They do
so.)
Why, see — we're covered to the very toes.
Three lovely lady undergraduates
Who, weary of the world and all its wooing — (pose)
Florian: And penitent for deeds there's no undoing — (pose)
Cyril: Looked at askance by well-conducted maids — (pose)
All: Seek sanctuary in these classic shades!
TRIO (Cyril, Hilarion and Florian)
"I am a maiden"
Hilarion: I am a maiden, cold and stately,
Heartless I, with face divine.
What do I want with a heart, innately?
Every heart I meet is mine!
Every heart I meet is mine, is mine!
All: Haughty, humble, coy, or free,
Little care I what maid may be.
So that a maid is fair to see,
Ev'ry maid is the maid for me!
(Dance)
Cyril: I am a maiden, frank and simple,
Brimming with joyous roguery;
Merriment lurks in ev'ry dimple
Nobody breaks more hearts than I!
Nobody breaks more hearts, more hearts than
I
All: Haughty, humble, coy, or free,
Little care I what maid may be.
So that a maid is fair to see,
Ev'ry maid is the maid for me!
(Dance)
Florian: I am a maiden coyly blushing,
Timid am I as a startled hind;
Every suitor sets me flushing,
Every suitor sets me flushing:
I am the maid that wins mankind!
All: Haughty, humble, coy, or free,
Little care I what maid may be.
So that a maid is fair to see,
Ev'ry maid is the maid for me!
Haughty, humble, coy, or free,
Little care I what maid may be.
So that a maid is fair to see,
Ev'ry maid is the maid for me!
[Enter the Princess, reading. She does not
see them.)
Florian: But who comes here? The Princess, as I live!
What shall we do?
Hilarion: (Aside) Why, we must brave it out!
(Aloud) Madam, accept our humblest reverence.
(They bow, then suddenly recollecting
themselves, curtsey.)
Princess: (Surprised) We greet you, ladies. What would you
with us?
Hilarion: (Aside to Cyril)
What shall I say? (Aloud) We are three students,
ma'am,
Three well-born maids of liberal estate,
Who wish to join this University.
(Hilarion and Florian curtsey again. Cyril bows
extravagantly,
then, being recalled to himself by Florian,
curtseys.)
Princess: If, as you say, you wish to join our ranks,
And will subscribe to all our rules, 'tis well.
Florian: To all your rules we cheerfully subscribe.
Princess: You say you're noblewomen. Well, you'll find
No sham degrees for noblewomen here.
You'll find no sizars here, or servitors,
Or other cruel distinctions, meant to draw
A line 'twixt rich and poor; you'll find no tufts
To mark nobility, except such tufts
As indicate nobility of brain.
As for your fellow-students, mark me well:
There are a hundred maids within these walls,
All good, all learned, and all beautiful:
They are prepared to love you: will you swear
To give the fullness of your love to them?
Hilarion: Upon our words and honours, Ma'am, we will!
Princess: But we go further: Will you undertake
That you will never marry any man?
Florian: Indeed we never will!
Princess: Consider well,
You must prefer our maids to all mankind!
Hilarion: To all mankind we much prefer your maids!
Cyril: We should be dolts indeed, if we did not, seeing how
fair —
Hilarion: (Aside to Cyril) Take care — that's rather strong!
Princess: But have you left no lovers at your home
Who may pursue you here?
Hilarion: No, madam, none.
We're homely ladies, as no doubt you see,
And we have never fished for lover's love.
We smile at girls who deck themselves with gems,
False hair and meretricious ornament,
To chain the fleeting fancy of a man,
But do not imitate them. What we have
Of hair, is all our own. Our colour, too,
Unladylike, but not unwomanly,
Is Nature's handiwork, and man has learnt
To reckon Nature an impertinence.
Princess: Well, beauty counts for naught within these walls;
If all you say is true, you'll pass with us
A happy, happy time!
Cyril: If, as you say,
A hundred lovely maidens wait within,
To welcome us with smiles and open arms,
I think there's very little doubt we shall!
QUARTET (Princess, Cyril, Hilarion and Florian)
"The World is But a Broken Toy"
Princess: The world is but a broken toy,
Its pleasure hollow — false its joy,
Unreal its loveliest hue,
Alas!
Its pains alone are true,
Alas!
Its pains alone are true.
Hilarion: The world is ev'rything you say,
The world we think has had its day.
Its merriment is slow.
Alas!
We've tried it, and we know,
Alas!
We've tried it and we know.
All: Unreal its loveliest hue,
Its pains alone are true,
Princess: Alas!
All: The world is but a broken toy,
Its pleasure hollow — false its joy,
Unreal its loveliest hue,
Alas!
Its pains alone are true,
Alas!
Its pains alone are true!
Florian: Unreal its loveliest hue,
3 Men: Unreal its loveliest hue,
Princess: Cyr. & Flor: A- Hilarion: Un-
Un- las! real its
loveliest hue
real—- Alas! Alas!
——-
—— its loveliest hue
All: Alas!
Alas!
Its pains alone are true.
(Exit Princess. The three Gentlemen
watch her off.
Lady Psyche enters, and regards them with
amazement)
Hilarion: I'faith, the plunge is taken, gentlemen!
For, willy-nilly, we are maidens now,
And maids against our will we must remain.
[All laugh
heartily.]
Psyche: (Aside) These ladies are unseemly in their mirth.
(The gentlemen see her, and, in confusion,
resume their
modest
demeanour.)
Florian: (Aside) Here's a catastrophe, Hilarion!
This is my sister! She'll remember me,
Though years have passed since she and I have met!
Hilarion: (Aside to Florian) Then make a virtue of necessity,
And trust our secret to her gentle care.
Florian: (To Psyche, who has watched Cyril in amazement)
Psyche! Why, don't you know me? Florian!
Psyche: (Amazed) Why, Florian!
Florian: My sister! (Embraces her)
Psyche: Oh, my dear! What are you doing here — and who are
these?
Hilarion: I am that Prince Hilarion to whom
Your Princess is betrothed. I come to claim
Her plighted love. Your brother Florian
And Cyril came to see me safely through.
Psyche: The Prince Hilarion? Cyril too? How strange!
My earliest playfellows!
Hilarion: Why, let me look!
Are you that learned little Psyche who
At school alarmed her mates because she called
A buttercup "ranunculus bulbosus"?
Cyril: Are you indeed that Lady Psyche, who
At children's parties, drove the conjuror wild,
Explaining all his tricks before he did them?
Hilarion: Are you that learned little Psyche, who
At dinner parties, brought in to dessert,
Would tackle visitors with "You don't know
Who first determined longitude — I do —
Hipparchus 'twas — B. C. one sixty-three!"
Are you indeed that small phenomenon?
Psyche: That small phenomenon indeed am I!
But gentlemen, 'tis death to enter here:
We have all promised to renounce mankind!
Florian: Renounce mankind!? On what ground do you base
This senseless resolution?
Psyche: Senseless? No.
We are all taught, and, being taught, believe
That Man, sprung from an Ape, is Ape at heart.
Cyril: That's rather strong.
Psyche: The truth is always strong!
SONG (Lady Psyche, with Cyril, Hilarion and Florian)
"A Lady Fair, of Lineage High"
Psyche: A Lady fair, of lineage high,
Was loved by an Ape, in the days gone by.
The Maid was radiant as the sun,
The Ape was a most unsightly one,
The Ape was a most unsightly one—
So it would not do—
His scheme fell through,
For the Maid, when his love took formal shape,
Express'd such terror
At his monstrous error,
That he stammer'd an apology and made his 'scape,
The picture of a disconcerted Ape.
With a view to rise in the social scale,
He shaved his bristles and he docked his tail,
He grew mustachios, and he took his tub,
And he paid a guinea to a toilet club,
He paid a guinea to a toilet club—
But it would not do,
The scheme fell through—
For the Maid was Beauty's fairest Queen,
With golden tresses,
Like a real princess's,
While the Ape, despite his razor keen,
Was the apiest Ape that ever was seen!
He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits,
He crammed his feet into bright tight boots—
And to start in life on a brand-new plan,
He christen'd himself Darwinian Man!
But it would not do,
The scheme fell through—
For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey crav'd,
Was a radiant Being,
With brain far-seeing—
While Darwinian Man, though well-behav'd,
At best is only a monkey shav'd!
3 Men: For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey crav'd,
All: Was a radiant being,
With a brain far-seeing—
While Darwinian Man, though well-behav'd,
At best is only a monkey shav'd!
(During this, Melissa has entered
unobserved;
she looks on in
amazement.)
Melissa: (Coming down) Oh, Lady Psyche!
Psyche: (Terrified) What! You heard us then?
Oh, all is lost!
Melissa: Not so! I'll breathe no word!
(Advancing in astonishment to Florian)
How marvelously strange! and are you then
Indeed young men?
Florian: Well, yes, just now we are—
But hope by dint of study to become,
In course of time, young women.
Melissa: (Eagerly) No, no, no —
Oh, don't do that! Is this indeed a man?
I've often heard of them, but, till to-day,
Never set eyes on one. They told me men
Were hideous, idiotic, and deformed!
They are quite as beautiful as women are!
As beautiful, they're infinitely more so!
Their cheeks have not that pulpy softness which
One gets so weary of in womankind:
Their features are more marked — and — oh, their
chins!
(Feeling Florian's chin)
How curious!
Florian: I fear it's rather rough.
Melissa: (Eagerly) Oh, don't apologize — I like it so!
QUINTET (Psyche, Melissa, Cyril, Hilarion and Florian)
"The Woman of the Wisest Wit"
Psyche: The woman of the wisest win
May sometimes be mistaken, O!
In Ida's views, I must admit,
My faith is somewhat shaken O!
Cyril: On every other point than this
Her learning is untainted, O!
But Man's a theme with which she is
Entirely unacquainted, O!
—acquainted, O!
—acquainted, O!
Entirely unacquainted, O!
All: Then jump for joy and gaily bound,
The truth is found — the truth is found!
Set bells a-ringing through the air—
Ring here and there and ev'rywhere—
3 Men: And echo forth the joyous sound,
All: The truth is found — the truth is found!
3 Men: And echo forth the joyous sound,
All: The truth is found — the truth is found!
And echo forth the joyous sound,
The truth is found — the truth is found!
(Dance)
Melissa: My natural instinct teaches me
(And instinct is important, O!)
You're ev'rything you ought to be,
And nothing that you oughtn't, O!
Hilarion: That fact was seen at once by you
In casual conversation, O!
Which is most creditable to
Your powers of observation, O!
-servation, O!
-servation, O!
Your powers of observation, O!
All: Then jump for joy and gaily bound,
The truth is found, the truth is found!
Set bells a-ringing through the air,
Ring here and there and ev'rywhere.
3 Men: And echo forth the joyous sound,
All: The truth is found — the truth is found!
3 Men: And echo forth the joyous sound,
All: The truth is found — the truth is found!
And echo forth the joyous sound,
The truth is found — the truth is found!
(Exeunt Psyche, Hilarion, Cyril
and Florian,
Melissa going.)
(Enter
Lady Blanche.
Blanche: Melissa!
Melissa: (Returning) Mother!
Blanche: Here — a word with you.
Those are the three new students?
Melissa: (Confused) Yes, they are.
They're charming girls.
Blanche: Particularly so.
So graceful, and so very womanly!
So skilled in all a girl's accomplishments!
Melissa: (Confused) Yes — very skilled.
Blanche: They sing so nicely too!
Melissa: They do sing nicely!
Blanche: Humph! It's very odd.
Two are tenors, one is a baritone!
Melissa: (Much agitated) They've all got colds!
Blanche: Colds! Bah! D'ye think I'm blind?
These "girls" are men disguised!
Melissa: Oh no — indeed!
You wrong these gentlemen — I mean — why, see,
Here is an etui dropped by one of them (picking up an
etui).
Containing scissors, needles, and —
Blanche: (Opening it) Cigars!
Why, these are men! And you knew this, you minx!
Melissa: Oh, spare them — they are gentlemen indeed.
The Prince Hilarion (married years ago
To Princess Ida) with two trusted friends!
Consider, mother, he's her husband now,
And has been, twenty years! Consider, too,
You're only second here — you should be first.
Assist the Prince's plan, and when he gains
The Princess Ida, why, you will be first.
You will design the fashions — think of that—
And always serve out all the punishments!
The scheme is harmless, mother — wink at it!
Blanche: (Aside) The prospect's tempting! Well, well, well,
I'll try —
Though I've not winked at anything for years!
'Tis but one step towards my destiny—
The mighty Must! the inevitable Shall!
DUET (Melissa and Lady Blanche)
"Now Wouldn't you like to Rule the Roast"
Melissa: Now wouldn't you like to rule the roast
And guide this University?
Blanche: I must agree,
'Twould pleasant be,
(Sing hey, a Proper Pride!)
Melissa: And wouldn't you like to clear the coast,
Of malice and perversity?
Blanche: Without a doubt,
I'll bundle 'em out,
(Sing hey, when I preside!)
Both: Sing hey!
Sing hoity toity! Sorry for some!
Sing marry, come up, and (my) her day will come!
Sing Proper Pride
Is the horse to ride,
And Happy-go-lucky, my Lady, O!
Blanche: For years I've writhed beneath her sneers,
Although a born Plantagenet!
Melissa: You're much too meek,
Or you would speak
(Sing hey, I'll say no more!)
Blanche: Her elder I, by several years,
Although you'd ne'er imagine it.
Melissa: Sing, so I've heard
But never a word
Have I e'er believ'd before!
Both: Sing hey!
Sing hoity toity! Sorry for some!
Sing marry, come up, and her (my) day will come!
Sing, she shall learn
That a worm will turn.
Sing Happy-go-lucky, my Lady, O!
(Exit
Lady Blanche)
Melissa: Saved for a time, at least!
(Enter Florian,
on tiptoe)
Florian: (Whispering) Melissa — come!
Melissa: Oh, sir! you must away from this at once—
My mother guessed your sex! It was my fault—
I blushed and stammered so that she exclaimed,
"Can these be men?" Then, seeing this, "Why these—"
"Are men", she would have added, but "are men"
Stuck in her throat! She keeps your secret, sir,
For reasons of her own — but fly from this
And take me with you — that is — no — not that!
Florian: I'll go, but not without you! (Bell) Why, what's
that?
Melissa: The luncheon bell.
Florian: I'll wait for luncheon then!
(Enter Hilarion with Princess,
Cyril with
Psyche, Lady Blanche and
ladies. Also
"Daughters of the Plough" bearing
luncheon.)
CHORUS OF GIRLS & SOLOS (Blanche and Cyril)
"Merrily Ring the Luncheon Bell"
Chorus: Merrily ring the luncheon bell!
Merrily ring the luncheon bell!
Here in meadow of asphodel,
Feast we body and mind as well,
Merrily ring the luncheon
1st Sops: 2nd Sops:
bell! - - - —- bell! Oh merrily
Ring - - - —- ring the luncheon
oh, —- bell, Oh
ring, - - - —- merrily, merrily,
merrily,
Oh, —- merrily
Chorus: Merrily ring the luncheon bell, the luncheon
bell!
Blanche: Hunger, I beg to state,
Is highly indelicate.
This is a fact profoundly true,
So learn your appetites to subdue.
All: Yes, yes,
We'll learn our appetites to subdue!
Cyril: Madam, your words so wise,
Nobody should despise,
Curs'd with appetite keen I am
And I'll subdue it—
And I'll subdue it—
I'll subdue it with cold roast lamb!
All: Yes — yes—
We'll subdue it with cold roast lamb!
Merrily ring the luncheon bell!
Merrily ring the luncheon bell!
Oh
1st Sops: ring! - - - —- 2nd Sophs: merrily,
merrily,
Oh, merrily,
merrily
Chorus: Merrily ring the luncheon bell, the luncheon
bell!
Princess: You say you know the court of Hildebrand?
There is a Prince there — I forget his name —
Hilarion: Hilarion?
Princess: Exactly — is he well?
Hilarion: If it be well to droop and pine and mope,
To sigh "Oh, Ida! Ida!" all day long,
"Ida! my love! my life! Oh, come to me!"
If it be well, I say, to do all this,
Then Prince Hilarion is very well.
Princess: He breathes our name? Well, it's a common one!
And is the booby comely?
Hilarion: Pretty well.
I've heard it said that if I dressed myself
In Prince Hilarion's clothes (supposing this
Consisted with my maiden modesty),
I might be taken for Hilarion's self.
But what is this to you or me, who think
Of all mankind with undisguised contempt?
Princess: Contempt? Why, damsel, when I think of man,
Contempt is not the word.
Cyril: (Getting tipsy) I'm sure of that,
Or if it is, it surely should not be!
Hilarion: (Aside to Cyril) Be quiet, idiot, or they'll find us
out.
Cyril: The Prince Hilarion's a goodly lad!
Princess: You know him then?
Cyril: (Tipsily) I rather think I do!
We are inseparables!
Princess: Why, what's this?
You love him then?
Cyril: We do indeed — all
three!
Hilarion: Madam, she jests! (Aside to Cyril) Remember where
you
are!
Cyril: Jests? Not at all! Why, bless my heart alive,
You and Hilarion, when at the Court,
Rode the same horse!
Princess: (Horrified) Astride?
Cyril: Of course! Why not?
Wore the same clothes — and once or twice, I think,
Got tipsy in the same good company!
Princess: Well, these are nice young ladies, on my word!
Cyril: (Tipsy) Don't you remember that old kissing-song
He'd sing to blushing Mistress Lalage,
The hostess of the Pigeons? Thus it ran:
SONG (Cyril)
"Would you know the Kind of Maid"
(During symphony Hilarion and
Florian try to
stop Cyril. He shakes them
off angrily.)
Cyril: Would you know the kind of maid
Sets my heart aflame-a?
Eyes must be downcast and staid,
Cheeks must flush for shame-a!
She may neither dance nor sing,
But, demure in everything,
Hang her head in modest way,
With pouting lips, with pouting lips
that
seem to say,
"Oh kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,
Though I die of shame-a!"
Please you, that's the kind of maid
Sets my heart aflame-a!
"Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,
Though I die of shame-a!"
Please you, that's the kind of maid
Sets my heart aflame-a!
When a maid is bold and gay,
With a tongue goes clang-a,
Flaunting it in brave array,
Maiden may go hang-a
Sunflow'r gay and holly-hock
Never shall my garden stock;
Mine the blushing rose of May,
With pouting lips, with pouting lips
that
seem to say,
"Oh kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,
Though I die for shame-a!"
Please you, that's the kind of maid
Sets my heart aflame-a!
"Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,
Though I die of shame-a!"
Please you, that's the kind of maid
Sets my heart aflame-a!
Princess: Infamous creature, get you hence away!
(Hilarion, Who has been with difficulty
restrained by
Florian during this song, breaks from him
and strikes
Cyril furiously on
the breast.)
Hilarion: Dog! There is something more to sing about!
Cyril: (Sobered) Hilarion, are you mad?
Princess: (Horrified) Hilarion? Help!
Why, these are men! Lost! lost! betrayed, undone!
(Running on
to bridge)
Girls, get you hence! Man-monsters, if you dare
Approach one step, I —- Ah!
(Loses her balance and falls into
the stream)
Psyche: Oh! Save her, sir!
Blanche: It's useless, sir — you'll only catch your death!
(Hilarion
springs in.)
Sach.: He catches her!
Melissa: And now he lets her go!
Again she's in his grasp—
Psyche: And now she's not,
He seizes her back hair!
Blanche: (Not looking) And it comes off!
Psyche: No, no! She's saved!—she's saved! she's
saved!—she's
saved!
FINALE, ACT II
(Princess, Hildebrand, Melissa, Lady Psyche, Blanche,
Cyril, Hilarion, Florian, Arac, Guron, Scynthius and
Chorus of Girls and Men )
"Oh Joy! our Chief is Sav'd"
Girls: Oh joy! our chief is sav'd
And by Hillarion's hand;
The torrent fierce he brav'd,
And brought her safe to land!
For his intrusion we must own
This doughty deed may well atone!
Princess: Stand forth ye three,
Who-e'er ye be,
And hearken to our stern decree!
Cyril, &
Florian: Have mercy, O Lady Hilarion:
Have
disregard your Mer—
oaths! cy!
Princess: I know no mercy, men in women's clothes!
The man whose sacrilegious eyes
Invade our strict seclusion, dies.
Arrest the coarse intruding spies!
(They are arrested by the "Daughters of
the Plough")
Girls: Have mercy, O lady — disregard your oaths.
Princess: I know not mercy, men in women's clothes!
(Cyril & Florian
are bound)
SONG — Hilarion
Hilarion: Whom thou has chain'd must wear his chain,
Thou canst not set him free,
He wrestles with his bonds in vain
Who lives by loving thee!
If heart of stone for heart of fire,
Be all thou hast to give,
If dead to my heart's desire,
Why should I wish to live?
Cyr & Flo: Have Girls: Have
mercy, O Mer-
lady! cy!
Hilarion: No word of thine — no stern command
Can teach my heart to rove,
Then rather perish by thy hand,
Than live without thy love!
A loveless life apart from thee
Were hopeless slavery,
Were hopeless slavery,
If kindly death will set me free,
Why should I fear to die?
Girls: Have mercy!
Hilarion: If kindly death
Girls: Have mercy!
Hilarion: will set me free,
If kindly death will set me free,
Why should I fear,
Why should I fear to die?
(He is bound by two of the attendants, the three gentlemen are
marched off.)
(Enter Melissa)
Melissa: Madam, without the castle walls
An armed band
Demand admittance to our halls
For Hildebrand!
All: Oh, horror!
Princess: Defy them!
We will defy them!
All: Too late — too late!
The castle gate
Is battered by them!
(The gate yields. Soldiers rush in. Arac, Guron, and Scynthius are
with them, but with their hands handcuffed.
Men: Walls and fences scaling,
Promptly we appear;
Walls are unavailing,
We have enter'd here.
Female exaceration.
Stifle if you're wise.
Stop your lamentations,
Dry your pretty, pretty
Girls: Rend the air with wailing. Men: eyes!
Shed the shameful tear!
Man has enter'd here.
Walls are unavailing.
Girls: Rend the Men: Walls and
air fences
with scaling,
wail——— Promptly we appear;
————— Walls are unavailing.
ing. We have enter'd here.
Shed Female exe-
the cration.
shame- Stifle if
ful tear! you're wise.
Man Stop your lament-
has ation,
en- Dry your pret-
ter'd ty
here! eyes. O
Walls are stop your
un- lament-
a- ation,
vail- Dry your pretty pretty
ing. eyes! Female exe-
Man cration. Stifle
has if you're
en- wise. Stop your lament-
ter'd ation, Dry your pretty
here! eyes.
(Enter Hildebrand)
RECITATIVE
Princess: Audacious tyrant, do you dare
To beard a maiden in her lair?
Hildebd: Since you inquire,
We've no desire
To beard a maiden here, or anywhere!
Soldiers: No, no. We've no desire
To beard a maiden here or anywhere!
SOLO — Hildebrand
Hildebd: Some years ago,
No doubt you know
(And if you don't I'll tell you so)
You gave your troth
Upon your oath
To Hilarion my son.
A vow you make
You must not break,
(If you think you may, it's a great mistake),
For a bride's a bride
Though the knot were tied
At the early age of one!
And I'm a peppery kind of King,
Whose indisposed for parleying
To fit the wit of a bit of chit,
And that's the long and the short of
it!
Soldiers: For he's a peppery kind of King,
Whose indisposed for parleying
To fit the wit of a bit of chit,
And that's the long and the short of it!
Hildebd: If you decide
To pocket your pride
And let Hilarion claim his bride,
Why, well and good,
It's understood
We'll let bygones go by—
But if you choose
To sulk in the blues
I'll make the whole of you shake in your shoes.
I'll storm your walls,
And level your halls,
In the winking of an eye!
For I'm a peppery Potentate,
Who's little inclined his claim to
bate,
To fit the wit of a bit of a chit,
And thats the long and the short of
it!
Soldiers: For he's a peppery Potentate,
Whose indisposed for parleying,
To fit the wit of a bit of chit,
And that's the long and the short of it!
TRIO — Arac, Guron & Scynthius
All 3: We may remark, though nothing can
Dismay us,
That if you thwart this gentleman,
He'll slay us.
We don't fear death, of course — we're taught
To shame it;
But still upon the whole we thought
We'd name it.
(To each other)
Scynthius: Yes!
Guron: Yes!
Arac: Yes!
All 3: Better p'r'aps to name it.
Our interests we would not press
With chatter,
Three hulking brothers more or less
Don't matter;
If you'd pooh-pooh this monarch's plan
Pooh-pooh it,
But when he says he'll hang a man,
He'll do it.
(To each other)
Scynthius: Yes!
Guron: Yes!
Arac: Yes!
All 3: Devil doubt he'll do it.
Princess: Be reassured, nor fear his anger blind,
His menaces are idle as the wind.
He dares not kill you — vengeance lurks behind!
3 Knights: We rather think he dares, but never mind!
Hildebd: I 3 Knights:
rather No!
think I No!
dare, but No!
never, never mind! never never mind!
Enough of
No,
parley no,
never nev-
as a er
spe- mind!
cial
No!
boon. no! never, never mind!
We give you till tomorrow
afternoon;