CHAPTER V
AT THE THEATER AND THE OPERA
DRESS AT THE THEATER AND OPERA
For a matinee a simple street dress of a dark material is appropriate except during the summer months when one may wear dainty fabrics and light colors.
In the evening if one is to sit in a box one should wear evening dress, not so elaborate, however, as that worn at a ball or dance. If one is to sit in the orchestra full or semi-evening attire is appropriate but in the cheaper seats such attire is out of order. Plain street dress should be worn.
ENTERING THE THEATER
There is one law of good conduct that cannot be over-emphasized—and that is the law of making oneself inconspicuous. A man or woman who is the "center of attraction" when the occasion does not merit it, cannot claim the distinction of being entirely well-bred. There seems to be a certain dignified simplicity and modesty in dress, speech and behavior that distinguishes well-bred people and enables them to move with ease and unconscious grace among people of every status and position.
ARRIVING LATE
Whether it be the theater, opera, lecture or some other public entertainment, it is exceedingly bad form to arrive late. People who are considerate always make it a point to arrive five or ten minutes before the hour set for the performance.
When one is unavoidably detained and reaches the theater after the curtain has been raised, it is polite to remain at the rear of the auditorium until the first intermission. It is permissible to take one's place quickly and quietly while the audience is applauding; but it is rude and inconsiderate to attempt to find your place while the performers are on the stage and the attention of the audience has been fixed.
It is good form for the man or woman who arrives late to excuse himself or herself to the people who are disturbed while the vacant place is being reached. One may say, "I am sorry to disturb you," or, "Pardon me." Those who are seated should rise to allow passage if the place is very narrow, but if there is sufficient room for them to pass without stumbling it is better for those who are already seated to keep their places, drawing aside to facilitate matters for the new-comers.
ABOUT WRAPS
It is customary for a woman to slip off her wrap in the lobby and carry it on her arm to her place, where it may either be placed over the back of her chair or folded in her lap. Some big theaters now have checking rooms for women, where wraps may be left until after the performance. Other theaters arrange for a wrap-checking service in the ladies' dressing-room. Individual preference must decide whether the wrap shall be checked or kept with one. But to stand up after the play has begun, and leisurely divest oneself of one's wraps, is a breach of good manners. If her wrap is a light one a woman may keep it on until she is seated and then slip it off her shoulders and let it fall over the back of her chair.
Hat and veil are usually removed after one has been comfortably seated. Or, if one prefers, they may be checked in the dressing-room. In the evening, when décolleté is worn with an evening veil and no hat, the veil may be dropped over the shoulders and kept throughout the evening.
A very common fault is to begin to put on wraps and hats before the performance is over. This is rude to the performers and unjust to the people around you. Wraps should not be touched until the curtain has fallen for the last time, even though one is anxious to leave. Politeness is a vital law of good conduct, and certainly nothing could be more impolite than to interrupt an actor or lecturer by fussing with clothing.
Gentlemen usually check their hats and coats in the lobby; otherwise they remove them both before taking their places. The hat is deposited under the chair, and the coat may either be folded and placed over the knees, or over the back of the seat.
ORDER OF PRECEDENCE
There seems to be some doubt as to the correct order of precedence upon entering and leaving the theater or concert hall. Some authorities on etiquette claim that the correct order is for the usher to lead the way to the seats, the lady following immediately behind him, and after the lady, her escort. But more modern usage has changed this order of precedence.
To-day it is correct for the usher to lead the way, a few feet ahead of the gentleman. Immediately behind the gentleman follows the lady. The reason for this change is that it enables the gentleman to stop before their places and hand the lady to her seat. Otherwise this duty devolves upon the usher. However, as the lady precedes the gentleman in almost everything else, it is safe to assume that both methods of precedence given above are correct.
One thing is certain—it is absolutely incorrect for lady and gentleman to walk down the aisle together, arm in arm.
BEFORE THE PLAY
Upon entering a theater or concert hall a few moments before the curtain is drawn, one becomes immediately conscious of the gentle buzz of voices throughout the audience. While it is entirely permissible to carry on a conversation before the play begins, it is most offensive to those who are sitting near for one to act in a noisy, conspicuous manner. Low tones are a mark of cultivation. As a matter of fact, loud noise of any kind is an exhibition of thoughtlessness, and it can be so easily avoided by a little caution.
Another reprehensible habit often indulged in before the play is that of standing up and glancing around one in the search of a familiar face, then nodding and smiling conspicuously to a friend in some other part of the auditorium. After having once been seated one should remain so, instead of rising and disturbing others. It is merely a form of vanity to search for friends among the audience and endeavor to attract their attention.
A certain gayety of manner is, of course, in harmony with the occasion, but it should be the kind of gayety that is under control. It is commendable to be smiling and cheerful—but be careful that you do not laugh boisterously or talk loudly.
WHEN THE CURTAIN IS DRAWN
The first chord of the orchestra should be the sign for absolute quiet in the theater. There can be nothing quite as rude as continuing a conversation while the musicians are doing their best to entertain you.
Usually, when the orchestra begins, programs are hastily opened and scanned. This causes an unpleasant rustling sound that mars the effect of the music and is sometimes very disturbing to music-lovers who are sitting near you. The time to glance through the program is while you are waiting for the play to begin, and before the musicians have taken their places. Then it should not be referred to again until during intermission.
People who arrive while the orchestra is playing should be particularly quiet. Care should be taken that chairs are not clattered or allowed to drop noisily.
DURING THE PERFORMANCE
It hardly seems necessary to say that talking or continued whispering during a performance is ill-bred and rude. Young people are most at fault in this matter. They must learn to curb their enthusiasms and criticisms until after the performance or during the intermissions.
"The intelligent listener never interrupts" declares an eminent authority. Complete quiet should be maintained during a performance or concert; all talking or whispering is interruption. Beating time to the music, whistling or rustling programs are also unmannerly.
If anyone near you is inconsiderate enough to talk or hum during the performance, it is entirely proper to turn and in quiet tones request that he or she be more quiet. It is necessary, though that you do not speak in a curt or offensive manner that will cause antagonism on the part of the stranger. A kind request always meets with an immediate response. You might say, "Pardon me. Do you mind speaking a little lower?" or "Would you mind speaking more quietly?" It is polite, also, to offer a reason, as "I cannot hear very well. Will you please speak more softly?" If the person thus addressed complies with your request and answers you politely, you should acknowledge it with a very courteous "Thank you." But there should be no further conversation during the performance.
THE OFFENDING HAT
The polite woman removes her hat as soon as she is comfortably seated. To wear a hat that obstructs the view of the people behind is inconsiderate—and anything that is inconsiderate is also ill-bred.
If you find that it is necessary to ask the woman sitting before you to remove her hat, be sure that you couch your request in terms of careful politeness. This is very important. The cultured man or woman is polite at all times, and especially so when reminding someone of a politeness that has been overlooked. It should be remembered that a hearty smile and a friendly manner go a long way in winning a similar response.
"Pardon me, madam, but may I ask that you remove your hat?" is the form usually used. But a better way is to offer some explanation, as, "I am sorry to disturb you, but your hat is in my way. Will you kindly remove it?" The simple form "Will you please remove your hat?" is sufficient if it is accompanied by a pleasant smile. But under no circumstances is a curt, "Take off your hat" permissible. If one hesitates to speak to a stranger he or she may call the usher and request him to ask the offender to remove her hat.
The woman thus addressed may, upon complying with the request, either smile and remain silent, or say simply, "Yes, indeed." Other forms frequently used are "Certainly," "I am sorry," or, "Pardon me." The two latter forms are perhaps the best, for they indicate that the offender realizes her lack of politeness and is sorry.
APPLAUSE
Clapping hands is a natural language of delight. Very young infants clap their hands when they are happy. Children clap their hands to express their pleasure. And older people clap their hands to show appreciation and enjoyment.
But stamping of feet, whistling, or noisy acclamation of any kind is bad form. This may seem superfluous in a book of etiquette, but it is surprising how many otherwise cultured men stamp noisily or whistle when something said or done upon the stage particularly pleases them.
Ill-timed or continual applause is disturbing to performers and audience alike. Indiscriminate hand-clapping is not only annoying, but reflects poor judgment upon the offender. When you feel that an actor or lecturer merits applause, give him a short and hearty hand-clapping, but do not make the mistake of clapping noisily and excessively each time the opportunity presents itself.
It should be particularly remembered that ill-timed applause hinders the progress of the performers.
DURING INTERMISSION
At a theater party, when there are several men and women in the party, the men may take advantage of the intermission to leave their places for a few moments. But they must not indulge in this privilege more than once during a performance, if they wish to be polite and considerate to the ladies. And they should not go without excusing themselves to the ladies whom they are escorting.
When a young man and woman are together, it is the height of ill-breeding for him to leave her alone during intermission. If he wishes water or candy or programs, the usher will attend to it for him. He must not leave the lady alone unless she requests him to get something for her. A gentleman alone may, of course, come and go as he pleases during intermission.
If one must walk past strangers to leave one's seat for intermission, or if one wishes to leave before the performance is over, a courteous apology must be made to the people who are disturbed. "I beg your pardon," or, "May I trouble you to pass?" are the forms most frequently used. When the aisle is reached, it is polite to acknowledge the obligation by smiling and saying, "Thank you."
Photo by George H. Davis, Jr. Courtesy of the Woman's Home Companion.
THE BUFFET LUNCH
The informality of the buffet lunch permits the use of paper napkins but
the hostess may use linen ones if she prefers
During intermission it is permissible to step across the aisle or into another box to greet a friend. Often introductions are made, but they are not formal and need not gain future recognition. As soon as the curtain begins to rise, the caller must return to his own place.
LEAVING THE THEATER
If you wish your acquaintances to recognize your charm and cultivation, you should conduct yourself at the conclusion of the performance with the same quiet dignity that you observed when you entered the theater and while you were waiting for it to begin. Speak in low tones, smile but do not laugh, discuss the play but do it in so quiet a manner that no one but your companion will hear you. It is bad form to gather in small groups and discuss the play in loud tones. Leave the theater as quickly as possible. The attendants are waiting to close it.
It usually takes a long time for a large theater to be emptied because many inconsiderate people block the aisles and loiter at the rear of the auditorium. As soon as the curtain has fallen for the last time, gather your wraps together, slip them on if it is convenient and move quickly down the aisle to the rear. Then pass quickly out of the theater and out of the way. But if you still carry your wraps, you may either go to the dressing-room or remain a moment or two in the lobby until you have arranged them.
Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage." If this is true, do we not owe the stage the same courtesy, respect and honor that we owe the world of fellow-men? Be as well-mannered and courteous at the theater and opera as you would in the most fastidious drawing-room.
CHAPTER VI
HOTEL ETIQUETTE
AT THE HOTEL
There is a very distinct code of ethics by which the lady and gentleman must be governed when stopping at a hotel. It is a mistaken idea that one may act as one pleases, merely because the hotel is public. But it is as important to remember one's social obligations as it is in the home of a friend.
Indeed, the hotel is one place where men and women are most likely to make embarrassing blunders and commit humiliating mistakes. This is especially true of the man or woman from a small town who stops for a day or two at a big hotel in the city. Only by knowing thoroughly the laws of good conduct, as adapted to hotel life, can one expect to move smoothly and with ease through its often puzzling social intricacies.
At home, or even when visiting at a friend's home, a boor may remain undetected. But how quickly the truth appears after he has registered at a hotel! There are numerous little tests of good breeding that betray him; the servants themselves soon discover whether or not he is cultivated, well-bred. And they invariably treat him accordingly.
The definite rules will be given in the following paragraphs. But for one's general conduct it should be remembered solely that the hospitality of a hotel is no less worthy of courtesy and consideration than the hospitality extended by a friend.
THE WOMAN GUEST
To-day women stop at hotels much more frequently than they did a decade ago. The war brought with it a widened horizon for the women of America, and they travel all over the country on political, professional and business enterprises as well as for pleasure. It is, consequently, necessary for them to stop often at hotels; thus they must know exactly how to conduct themselves.
Some hotels, in smaller towns, have ladies' entrances. The woman visitor should first ascertain whether or not there are such entrances, and if so should govern her actions accordingly. But in large cities, hotels generally have but one large entrance where the woman may enter without embarrassment. Business often takes the modern woman into strange towns, and there is no reason why she should feel the least hesitancy in stopping at a hotel—providing she knows how to conduct herself.
Hand baggage should be relinquished at the door to attendants of the hotel. The woman should make her way immediately to the desk-clerk, register, and then follow the page assigned to her, to her room. It is not good form to loiter in the lobby before going to one's room after one has registered. A wise plan is to call the hotel on the telephone beforehand, requesting them to reserve a room or suite of rooms as the case may be. This will eliminate any possibility of having to leave the hotel because there is no room. It is always a wise plan for a woman to reserve a room in advance, especially if she is to arrive late at night since certain hostelries refuse to admit women after a certain hour.
The day of the chaperon is practically over, except in the cases of very young girls. But women to-day travel very often in the company of their maids. Whether one double room or two single rooms adjoining each other are chosen, depends upon the degree of intimacy between mistress and maid, and also upon convenience and accommodation at the hotel. The usual form is to reserve two adjoining rooms.
A woman never stops at a hotel without baggage. Even though she intends to stay only over-night, she should carry a small handbag with her. A woman traveling across country with a great deal of baggage may have her trunks sent on ahead to the hotel if she reserves rooms previously. On no occasion should the woman approach the clerk's desk laden with valises and bags. A hotel attendant should take them from the car and deposit them on the floor near the desk; or the guest's chauffeur should deposit them at the entrance of the hotel, to be attended to by one of the hotel attendants.
RECEIVING MASCULINE GUESTS
A gentleman calling upon a lady who is stopping at a hotel, gives his name to the desk clerk. It is not necessary to offer a card. The form in most common usage is, "Mr. Roberts to see Miss Nelson." The clerk will call Miss Nelson on the telephone or will direct him to one of the telephones in the lobby, and advise her of the visitor. If she is ill and does not wish to see him, she will say, "Please tell Mr. Roberts I am indisposed and I am sorry that I cannot see him to-day." But she should not refuse to see a visitor without offering some sort of legitimate excuse. If she is not ready to greet visitors, she may say to the clerk, "Tell Mr. Roberts I shall be downstairs in a half-hour." That is the maximum amount of time it is permissible to keep a visitor waiting.
Ladies receive the gentlemen who call on them in the parlor or reception room of the hotel. They may be hatless and gloveless, if they wish, observing the same rules of etiquette that they would observe in their drawing-room at home. But if the visits are entirely of a business nature, it is always advisable for the woman to wear a hat.
To welcome a man in one's room is to break a convention that has many years of strict practice to uphold it. It is a serious blunder in hotel etiquette.
If a gentleman calls upon a lady at a hotel, whether it be in a business or social capacity, and finds that she is not in, he may leave his card with the desk clerk to be forwarded to her. It is necessary, however, that he write on the back of the card for whom it is intended; for the memories of desk clerks are not quite as retentive as some of us think they are, and there is a possibility of the card being sent to the wrong guest.
MAKING FRIENDS AT THE HOTEL
Hotels have the alarming propensity of making one feel extremely lonely, especially if one is stopping there all by oneself. And there is the very strong temptation to forget all about conventionalities and speak to the friendly-looking old gentleman at the next table, or the charming young woman in the dressing-room. But everyone, and the woman especially, should be extremely careful in making friends and acquaintances at the hotel.
Self-introductions are not unusual at the hotel. In the dining-room, in the lobby, in the rest-rooms, conversations are often started that result in self-introductions and subsequent acquaintanceships. But one should be prudent. It is not wise to go beyond the usual civilities of greetings and casual conversations or to take anyone into your confidence.
While conducting yourself with all due courtesy and consideration for the hospitality extended by the hotel, it is important to remember that after all the hotel is not a private home, but a temporary one for travelers—for the public. The conventions you observe in public must therefore also be observed at the hotel. Strangers still remain strangers, even though you sleep under the same roof with them.
If a gentleman becomes interested in another gentleman, either in the hotel lobby or the dining-room, and he wishes to become acquainted with him either for business or social reasons, he may request the manager of the hotel to make the necessary introduction. He may also indulge in the self-introduction, but it is never as effective as the introduction made by a third person.
HOW TO REGISTER
It is not considered dignified for a woman traveling alone to sign herself in the hotel register without the title of "Mrs." or "Miss." A married woman should register as "Mrs. Harris K. Jennings," an unmarried woman as "Miss Mildred Jennings." It is decidedly bad form to sign oneself "Millie Jennings," or "Flossie Jennings" for Florence. The full first and last name should be written out and preceded by the correct title of "Miss" or "Mrs." Only the eldest daughter, or only daughter, of a family may sign herself, "Miss Jennings."
When traveling together, a mother and daughter register as "Mrs. Harris K. Jennings, Miss Mildred Jennings." Even a very young girl is registered in this manner. A small boy's name appears in the register as "Master Edward Jennings." A husband and wife register as "Mr. and Mrs. Harris K. Jennings." To use the expression "Mr. Harris K. Jennings and wife" is considered very bad form indeed. Only those who are ignorant of the best rules of hotel etiquette make this blunder.
After the name, the town and state from which the visitors have come should be written in the register. Thus the complete entry of a young lady would be, "Miss Mildred Jennings, Cambridge, Mass." A gentleman would register in this manner, "Mr. Harris K. Jennings, 681 Fifth Ave., New York." Even if he lives in New York and stops at a hotel in that city, he must write "New York" after his name. Nor is it correct for him to omit the "Mr." from before his name.
Deep flourishes and illegible handwriting should be avoided. The well-bred man or woman registers neatly in a clear, small, legible script.
IN THE PUBLIC DINING-ROOM
"A gentleman is known by the way he eats," declared a well-known writer recently in one of his newspaper articles. And this is particularly true in the hotel dining-room, where one is judged—or misjudged—by one's table manners; and one should remember to make them as gracefully correct as if the dinner were a most formal one in a private home.
If you drop a fork or other part of the table service, do not stoop to pick it up. Simply ignore the incident and leave it to the waiter to attend to. A most reprehensible habit is to pick up a knife or fork that has been dropped, wipe it carefully with the napkin, and proceed to use it. The correct thing to do is to leave the fork or knife on the floor where it has fallen and request another one from the waiter in charge.
It is optional with the ladies whether or not they wear their hats to dinner. In the dining-rooms of the larger hotels, however, women generally do not appear hatless. Even though one is a permanent guest and a special table is reserved for one each evening, it is better to wear a hat to dinner at the hotel.
Loud laughing and talking reflect ill-manners. And this applies not only to the dining-room, but to the private rooms as well. As a rule, the partitions in hotels are thin and talking that is the least bit loud can be heard in the next room. For this reason, it is also discourteous to play any musical instrument at such times of the day when it would be likely to disturb those whose rooms adjoin. At the table, conversation may be conducted only when low, natural tones of voice are used. Loud talking should be avoided.
Guests who wish to eat in their rooms should request that a waiter be sent to the room with a menu. The order is given, and the waiter will see that it is satisfactorily filled. For this service he should receive an extra fee from the guest.
HOTEL STATIONERY
Hotels invariably place a supply of writing paper in the room. This is meant for the business or social correspondence of the guest. More of this paper is usually found in the writing-room.
Do not waste the hotel stationery. Use it only if you have to. You would not waste the stationery provided for your use at the home of your friend. Then why take advantage of the courtesies extended by your hotel? Just as one adapts oneself to the routine at the home of a friend, so should one accustom and adapt oneself to the rules and regulations of the hotel.
Never take any of the hotel stationery away with you. It is as wrong in principle as carrying away one of the Turkish towels. Use only as much as you need for your correspondence, and leave the rest behind you.
REGARDING THE SERVANTS
Arrogance is only another form of selfish pride. The man or woman who is cultured is never arrogant. After all, isn't it sham—sham adopted to cover the defects of manner and bearing?
If you are dissatisfied with some service performed by one of the hotel attendants, if one of them is inattentive to your wants or negligible in his duties, complain to the manager. Do not scold the servants themselves, or order them in a peremptory manner to do such and such a thing correctly. The greatest vulgarity—and you will do well to remember this—is to look down upon a person as inferior merely because he or she has to earn his or her own living. There is nothing to be ashamed of in good, honest, faithful toil. But the person who ridicules it has a great deal to be ashamed of.
Be considerate to the hotel attendants. Do not expect the maid to come hurrying to your room when you ring at one o'clock in the morning. The guest who is kind and thoughtful will receive twice as much service as the person who is constantly complaining and scolding.
LEAVING THE HOTEL
When you are ready to leave the hotel, call an attendant to carry your baggage down to the entrance. Do not attempt to carry it down yourself, whether you are a man or woman, unless you have only one or two small valises.
Different hotels have different rules with regard to keys. Some require that the key be returned to the desk clerk. Others require that it be left in the room. When in doubt, the best form is to return the key at the desk before asking the cashier for one's bill. After this is paid, ring for a servant to call a car; never do this yourself.
Tipping, though an entirely un-American custom, is still widely practiced. When leaving the hotel, it is necessary to tip, or fee, those hotel attendants who have been of service.
CHAPTER VII
TRAVEL ETIQUETTE
THE RESTLESS URGE OF TRAVEL
Man is essentially a restless being. Ever since the world began, men and women have found themselves growing impatient, eager for new scenes, new faces, new experiences. First they packed up their few belongings and moved by foot to another place a few miles away. Then they took down their tents and put them up in some other place. Soon we find them building houses, and at different periods moving to other houses. Gradually, through the ages, as man's desire for wider experiences and a wider radius for travel and exploration developed, the horse-drawn carriage appeared, then the steamboat, then the locomotive, the surface car, the subway, the automobile and airplane.
Diogenes with his lantern could not find an honest man, and he would have just as difficult a task to-day to find a man, woman or child who does not love to travel. Everyone likes to see new scenes, meet new people, enjoy new experiences; and the easiest way to accomplish this is through traveling.
THE CUSTOMS OF COUNTRIES
In America, where almost everyone is something of a tourist, the etiquette of travel must not be neglected. And it is particularly important that the customs of foreign countries be respected, especially now that the world is becoming one great family and intercourse among the nations is increasing every day.
Somehow, we Americans feel that there is no other country in the world quite as wonderful as our dear United States. There is, of course, no reason why we should not believe this; but it is bad form and poor judgment to show by action and speech in other countries that you believe it. The man or woman who affects a supercilious disdain of all foreign countries and their forms and customs, is not impressing the natives with his vast superiority, but is really convincing them that he or she is an ill-bred simpleton. And even our beloved America is hardly perfect enough to warrant a great deal of boasting.
In traveling abroad, every national prejudice, every custom of every little town or village, should be observed as nearly as possible. "When in Rome do as the Romans do" is the truest courtesy that can be observed by those who travel. Well-bred and polite people conform to native customs no matter how strange they may appear. And they do it gracefully, with a smile of friendliness rather than one of disdain.
In her book "Fear and Conventionality," Elsie Parsons relates an incident during her visit to Tokyo. She and her companions were the guests of Japan. As they were on their way to the station, the natives stole up furtively and placed cards in their carriages. Realizing that it must be some native custom, the occupants of the carriages merely smiled and allowed the cards to remain. Perhaps if they had been haughty individuals they might have scowled at the seeming intrusion, thrown aside the cards, and won the everlasting hate of the natives not only for themselves but for all future American tourists. For one ill-bred traveler makes it hard for the next people who pass along the same route, however courteous they may be. The best way to make a pleasant journey is to adapt oneself graciously and courteously to varying circumstances and conditions.
THE TRAVELER'S WARDROBE
It is not wise to overburden oneself with numerous clothes when traveling. Wardrobes can always be replenished if the necessity arises, in other countries, and there is really no need to impede one's journey with numerous trunks and handbags that must be constantly checked, looked after and traced. Many people have journeyed happily all over Europe with only a suit case or two.
Women should dress quietly and inconspicuously when traveling. A dark, tailored suit with light blouses is in excellent taste, especially when worn with a small dark turban or toque. In her wardrobe should be simple, but smart frocks for the afternoon, an evening gown, numerous fresh blouses and perhaps a sport outfit or two. An abundant supply of fresh undergarments is essential, but even these can be bought during the trip if the supply does not hold out. Remember that it is a wise rule to take too little rather than too much. An experienced traveler can usually be distinguished by the small amount of luggage he carries.
The wardrobe of the gentleman traveling should also be as small as possible. Of course the number of suits and the quantity of linen he takes with him depends upon the length of his trip and the social activities he expects to indulge in.
If the trip is to be one of long duration the porter will provide a paper bag in which the hat may be placed. On a trip of this kind it is permissible to make oneself at ease by removing hat and wraps and leaning against a pillow which the porter will furnish upon request.
IN THE TRAIN
An ill-bred person is always known by his selfishness and discourtesy in the train. He will claim more service and comfort than he is entitled to. He will scold the attendants and make himself generally a nuisance. He will encroach upon the rights of others, assume an air of importance, and make himself conspicuous by his actions and manners.
When in the train, be as solicitous of the passenger's comforts as you would be of your dearest friend's, if he or she were traveling with you. Do not keep your window open if you know that it is causing discomfort to others. Do not spread your hand-luggage into the aisles where other passengers will be likely to trip over it. It is good nature, courtesy and an affable adaptation to unexpected circumstances that mark the lady and gentleman in traveling.
If someone opens a window that places you in a draught or exposes you to flying cinders or other discomforts, it is permissible to request politely that the window be lowered again. The courteous man or woman will do so immediately without impatience or annoyance.
All boisterous behavior, loud laughing and talking, are as reprehensible in the train as they are in the drawing-room. Composure of manner and a calm, easy grace distinguish the cultured traveler. He who is restless, excitable, fidgety, who talks in loud tones, walks back and forth to the water cooler many times, arranges and rearranges his belongings, is merely advertising to the other passengers in the train that he is traveling for the first time, and that he does not know how to conduct himself.
It should be remembered that the railroad train is a public place, and therefore it is not correct to discuss family affairs or converse loudly about people who are absent while you are traveling on it. This habit of talking about people who are absent is most uncivil. How often do we overhear conversations in which some unfortunate man or woman is "picked to pieces" by inconsiderate friends or acquaintances who mean no harm and bear no malice but having nothing else to talk about, choose their friend as the subject of their conversation. It is unkind, and it is certainly bad form.
IN THE SLEEPING CAR
In traveling on the sleeping car the person who has the lower berth is entitled to the seat facing forward while the one with the upper berth has the seat facing backward. If a lady was unable to procure a lower berth and the gentleman beneath her offers to exchange she may at discretion accept the offer.
When one is ready to go to bed he rings for the porter to prepare the berth. In crowded trains it may be some time before this can be done and the owner of the berth must be patient until his turn comes. It is courteous to consult one's seat mate before asking to have the beds made for the night, and if one wishes to go to bed early because of fatigue or slight illness, he may politely beg of his partner to allow him to do so.
The person who is to spend the night on the train should provide himself with a dressing gown, a traveling toilette case containing the necessary accessories such as brushes, soap, tooth-paste, pins, etc. One may dress and undress in the regular dressing room but many people prefer to accomplish the greater part of their toilette in their berths. It is not permissible to take exclusive possession of the dressing-room or to spread one's belongings out so as to be in the way of the other travelers.
TRAIN COURTESY
A gentleman always steps aside to permit a woman to enter a train first. He does not rush ahead of her for a choice seat, nor does he open a window near her without having first requested and obtained her permission to do so.
Civility of the highest sort is possible when traveling in a train. One may be courteous to the gruff ticket collector and polite to the bustling expressman. A "soft answer turneth away wrath"—and we usually find that a curt, peremptory order receives response that is no less curt; but a kind and courteous request invariably receives an immediate friendly response. "Thank you" is never superfluous, and it is only the exceedingly impolite man who fails to say it when some service, no matter how trivial, has been performed for him.
When a gentleman sees that a woman passenger is having difficulty in raising a window, he need feel no hesitancy in offering to assist her. However, the courtesy ends when the window has been raised; he resumes his seat and the incident is closed. It is incorrect for him to attempt a conversation with her or to intrude upon her in any way. The gentleman should also offer his seat to a woman standing in an overcrowded train, or to a man very much older than himself. A man or woman carrying a child should never be permitted to remain standing.
A gentleman never allows a woman to feel incumbent upon him for monetary assistance. For instance, if a young and inexperienced woman is traveling alone and seems to be in doubt as to where she will be able to get something to eat, the gentleman may offer to send a porter to take her order. Or if no porter can be found, he may himself get her a sandwich and a glass of milk. But he must absolutely accept the money expended for these articles, otherwise the young woman will undoubtedly feel embarrassed.
THE WOMAN TRAVELER
Women travel about much more independently to-day than ever before. We find young and elderly women traveling across country for business purposes, for relaxation, and for pleasure. And though conventions are no less strict than they were twenty-five years ago, these women who travel are enjoying a much wider and more untrammeled freedom than their grandmothers ever enjoyed.
Women who have not had much experience in traveling, who are ignorant of the laws of good conduct while en route, are prone to expect a great many courtesies and much attention from the train officials and from the gentlemen passengers. Very often they make themselves appear rude and ill-bred by their assumed manner of haughtiness. It is the quiet, dignified manner that commands respect; not the exacting, fault-finding and imperious one that so many women like to affect.
The woman on a train should never sacrifice the comfort of the people around her for her own. It is exceedingly discourteous to insist upon having a window open, when you know that others around you object, even though they are all men. And it is just as discourteous to accept a seat that a gentleman has kindly relinquished, or to accept any other courtesy, without offering polite thanks.
It is bad form to get excited over every little thing that happens. A two-minute delay, a brief unexplained stop, is enough to make some women fret and fume.
The woman who travels alone should maintain a great deal of dignity and reserve. She should not make an acquaintance of any fellow-passengers of either sex, and she should not accept courtesies from anyone without cordial thanks. But beyond those few conventional words of thanks, there should be no conversation with a man or woman she does not know. And yet, when the journey is a very long one, lasting perhaps more than a day, what harm can it be for a woman to chat a bit about the scenery or the newest "best-seller" with the motherly looking woman beside her? Common-sense is often the better part of etiquette.
THE WOMAN WHO TRAVELS WITH AN ESCORT
When a man serves as escort to a woman who is traveling by train, he incurs all expenses. He buys her ticket at the station, attends to the checking and directing of her luggage, carries her hand-bags and sees that she is comfortably seated. He pays for all magazines and newspapers that she wishes and fees the porter that has helped her. He also buys and pays for all refreshments taken during the trip.
A lady invariably precedes her escort down the aisle of the train. She takes the inside seat and leaves the arranging of the luggage and wraps to the gentleman. He may, if he excuses himself, spend part of the trip in the smoking car, but it is exceedingly rude of him to leave the lady by herself throughout the trip. In fact, it is wise after the first few hours of travel, to leave the lady to her own devices for she may want to nap or to read a book. Even one's dearest friend, or one's favorite brother can become monotonous and tiresome after four or five hours of continuous conversation on a noisy train.
IN THE DINING-CAR
When a man meets a woman on a train, and after a brief conversation, invites her into the dining-car, she may assume that he wishes to be the host and that he would be offended if she refused to allow him to pay for her meal. However, the woman who travels alone must be extremely circumspect in her conduct, and she must not incur monetary obligations from men who are almost strangers to her.
For instance, if a man and woman who have met just once before and who are not really friends but slight acquaintances, find that they are traveling to the same place at the same time, they may for mutual pleasure's sake, elect to travel together. This is especially true when the journey is one of four or five hours' duration, when a bit of conversation would enliven the monotony of the trip. In this case, if both decide to go into the dining-room together, the woman must by no means allow the man to pay her bill. He may pay the tip, if he wishes, but he must accept the money that she offers him to pay for her share of the bill. A considerate woman will wait until they are back at their seats before venturing to reimburse her companion. It is better to have the waiter present separate bills. This does away with all awkwardness and embarrassment.
A gentleman who is escorting a lady on a trip should not be expected to pay for her meals on the train, unless there is only one and he feels that it would be a pleasure for him to serve as host on that occasion. But if the trip lasts several days, the woman should insist that she pay her own expenses. This is especially important if the escort is a friend and not a relative; she should by no means allow him to pay her bills.
CHILDREN ON THE TRAIN
Very often it is necessary for parents to travel with their children. The mother must see that her youngsters observe the most careful order while they are in the train and that they do not disturb the other passengers.
It is not very pleasant for young children to sit quietly for three or four hours, and the wise mother will see that they have something to amuse themselves with. A big picture book for the boy, a doll for the girl or some other equally interesting diversion will keep the child from becoming impatient and restless.
It is very wrong to permit children to race up and down the aisles, to climb over the backs of the seats, to play noisy games or in any other manner disturb the other passengers. Nor is it proper for them to eat continually, crumbling cake and dropping fruit stones upon the floor of the train. Correct, well-bred little boys and girls will remain quietly seated in their places, watching the scenery or looking at the pictures in the book; and if they converse at all, it will be in a low tone that does not annoy the man or woman in front who is reading. It is never too early to teach children the golden rule of courtesy and respect.
If a child is addressed by a kindly neighbor, he should answer politely; but he must not leave his place and go over to that neighbor to be flattered and indulged, and perhaps plied with sweets that will do him more harm than good. Courtesies extended children should be gratefully acknowledged both by the child himself and by his mother.
IN THE TAXI CAB
When one arrives at a station one usually has to summon a taxi to the hotel. It is hardly safe for a young woman traveling alone at night to ride in a taxi by herself especially if the ride is to be a long one. The best way to avoid it is for her if possible to time her trip so as to arrive in the day time. If this cannot be done she must perforce accept the alternative.
If a man and woman are traveling together he helps her in before getting in himself. At the end of the ride he first helps her out and then pays and tips the driver. Ten per cent. of the amount of the fare is the usual rate. Unless a man is acting as a woman's escort he should not pay her fare.
BON VOYAGE GIFTS
Many people like to send their friends bon voyage gifts of flowers, books, fruit or candy when they are going away. Steamer letters are always acceptable and if they are arranged in some novel way they may be most delightful. A series of letters or small packages, one to be opened each day, go a long way toward relieving the tedium of the journey. Similar gifts may be sent to friends who are going on a long railway trip. The address of packages sent to steamers should include the name of the vessel and of the line to which it belongs and the number of the pier.
ON BOARD THE SHIP
The only place where formal introductions are not necessary is at sea. Life on shipboard is more or less free from conventionality, fortunately, especially for those who are making the voyage alone. The days would be long and tedious if one refused to speak to any of the other passengers because they had not been formally presented. It is quite permissible, if one feels so inclined, to speak to the person whose steamer chair is near or to the people who share one's table in the ship's dining-room.
COURTESY ON THE SHIP
Although the barriers of social etiquette are let down on board the ship to the extent of permitting passengers to talk to one another without formal introductions, there is no excuse for lack of courtesy. The man or woman who encroaches upon the rights of other passengers, who is discourteous or rude, will undoubtedly be shunned and avoided by the others.
It is, for instance, very bad form to use someone else's pillow, deck-chair or book, without having first requested permission to do so. It is also impolite to speak in loud tones, or to read aloud, where it would disturb others who are trying to nap or to read. Noisy conduct of any kind is an evidence of ill-breeding, and it is only the extremely ill-bred people who will sit in little groups and discuss and comment upon each passenger on board the ship.
Passengers are never permitted to interfere with the mechanisms of the ship. Not only is it very incorrect to do so, but it may be criminal or unsafe. To inspect certain parts of the ship barred to all but employees is to risk one's own life and the lives of the other passengers. Remain in your stateroom or on deck, but do not wander into places where ship-ethics forbid you.
THE WOMAN CROSSING THE OCEAN
It is not usual for a woman to travel across the ocean alone. But very often a young woman correspondent or journalist, or perhaps a woman buyer for some large fashion establishment, finds that business takes her abroad. She need feel no hesitancy or embarrassment in attempting the trip, if she knows and understands all the little rules of good conduct that govern railroad, steamship and hotel etiquette.
The young lady who is alone, should be careful that she does not make haphazard acquaintances among the gentlemen on board the ship. It is much wiser for her to find companions among the women passengers, and later they will undoubtedly introduce her to their gentleman acquaintances. She must never allow a man whose acquaintance she made only on board the ship, to assume any of her expenses. Nor should she sit up on the deck after eleven o'clock with one of her new acquaintances. She must be extremely careful of her conduct, and she must not give anyone the opportunity to talk about her and comment upon the fact that she is traveling without a chaperon.
When there is a dance on board the ship, the woman who is traveling alone may accept an invitation to dance from a gentleman she has not formally met; but it is always wiser to find some excuse to avoid dancing with a man who is a total stranger.
A CONCERT AT SEA
Very often, as the sea voyage draws near an end, a concert or entertainment is held for the benefit of some special charity fund, or merely for the amusement of the passengers. All those who are accomplished in any way—who can sing, dance, recite or play a musical instrument, are expected to volunteer their services for the occasion. Those who are specially requested to do so, should consent amiably; it is very rude, indeed, to refuse without some very good reason.
The passenger who absents himself from the concert which all other passengers attend, is both impolite and ill-bred. Whether he cares to or not, he should attend for the sake of courtesy. And everyone should contribute to the fund if one is raised after the concert. Only a very selfish and unkind person will refuse to contribute to a fund of this kind.
AT THE JOURNEY'S END
In the excitement of reaching terra firma once again, a few people are inclined to forget the courtesies due the other passengers.
A little while before the ship reaches the dock, cordial farewells should be made to all those with whom one has been friendly. Hand-shaking is in order, and a polite phrase, such as, "Good-by, Mrs. Jones, I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you again," is most appropriate. If it is desired, an exchange of cards may accompany this leave-taking, especially if one really wishes to continue the friendship.
Farewells on board a ship should be brief but cordial. Long, sentimental farewells should never be indulged in for, at the most, they cause only sorrow at the parting of a brief friendship that may perhaps never be resumed. A warm handclasp, a sincere word or two of farewell—and it should be over.
AT HOTEL AND RESTAURANT
When arriving in a strange city, a traveler immediately asks to be driven to whatever hotel he has previously decided upon. Here he registers, using the same form that appears on his visiting card but adding to it the name of the city from which he has come.
The woman who is traveling alone does well to wire or phone ahead to the hotel and request that they reserve a room for her. While at the hotel, her conduct must be unimpeachable. She must not entertain masculine visitors in her private rooms, but only in the public reception room of the hotel. She must not return to the hotel after midnight, and she should not dine alone in the hotel dining-room after eight o'clock.
When a large party is to dine at a hotel, the table should be reserved and the dishes chosen in advance. This will save a great deal of confusion and waste of time. If the dinner is not arranged for in advance, the host or hostess should do all the ordering, subjecting it, of course, to the approval of the guests.
AT TEA-ROOM AND ROOF GARDEN
There seems to be something about a tea-room, whether it be at home or in some strange city or town, that is conducive to quiet and peacefulness. Loud talking and boisterous laughter is entirely out of place, and those who are guilty of indulging in these two improprieties condemn themselves as ill-bred.
At the tea-room the lady always retains her hat. Gloves are removed and wraps may either be slipped off the shoulders or completely removed. At the roof garden, hats are also worn, except in the evening when full evening dress is worn. Here also, it is important that a quiet reserve of manner characterize the lady and the gentleman. No amount of frivolity and gayety in the atmosphere of one's environment can excuse noisy, ill-mannered conduct.
TO THOSE WHO LOVE TO TRAVEL
Almost everyone enjoys traveling, but there are comparatively few people who really appreciate it. To those who love to travel, who find it an inspiration and a delight, the following bits of information may be of interest.
If you want to enjoy a trip to a foreign country—let us say France,—spend a week or two reading about the history and literature of that country. Make notes while you are reading, give your imagination full rein, and absorb just as much knowledge as you can of the habits and customs of the French people. The cultivation of the imagination is especially important; while you read about France, picture the tiny villages and big cities to yourself, try to visualize the people and their homes. And when you do arrive in France, you will find keen enjoyment in seeing the people and places that lived first in your imagination. We promise that you will enjoy your trip a great deal more than if you neglected to devote a little time to the reading up of the important facts about the country you intended to visit.
Another very good plan is to buy a French-and-English or a Spanish-and-English dictionary before or as soon as reaching those countries. Whether one knows the language or not, it is always safest to have one of these little volumes handy. They are absolutely indispensable to those who expect to travel in a country the language of which is entirely unknown to them.
Wise tourists carry a map of the countries they intend visiting. It saves them much time, and often prevents mistakes. These maps may be obtained of most reliable stationers, and they take up very little space. There are times, during the journey, when their help is well nigh invaluable; and a map is nearly always a safer guide than a native.
A camera is a splendid thing to have along on one's trips abroad. No matter how vivid an impression a certain scene makes upon one's mind, it is bound to fade with the passing of a year or so. But a clear snap-shot taken of that scene will keep it fresh indefinitely, for one needs only to glance at the picture to have all associations with the scene recalled. The latest cameras have a device for writing the date and name of the place on the negative, to be printed with the picture. It is most convenient for the tourist.
There are too many of us who rush through the world seeing nothing. We race through one country after another, hustling and bustling, feeling important and acting the part—and we feel that we have traveled. But that is not travel. True travel is when a man or woman visits a strange country and carries back with him, or her, to be remembered forever, impressions of the people and customs of that country—valuable impressions that make his or her life fuller, wider, more in sympathy with the great world of fellow-men. Better stay at home and read good books about foreign countries, than rush through them with unseeing eyes, merely to be able to tell those at home that you have "been abroad."
CHAPTER VIII
TIPPING
AN UN-AMERICAN CUSTOM
Everyone knows that tipping is a European custom and is entirely un-American in principle. But while the custom is observed as widely in this country as it is to-day, it is both inconsiderate and bad form to ignore it. The wages of waiters end waitresses, porters and hotel servants are outrageously small, for the reason that they receive tips for each service they perform for individual guests and travelers. If the tipping custom were abolished, the wages of these people would be correspondingly increased; but as things are now, it is inconsiderate to deprive them of the tips that both they and their employers expect that they will receive.
In a little tea shop in Fifth Avenue in New York, the following is printed on the back of each menu: "Tipping is an un-American custom. Help us abolish it by adding 10c to the amount of your bill. At the end of the week, the waiter will receive the entire amount added to his wages." Patrons have greeted this plan enthusiastically. They feel that it presages the ultimate abolition of a custom that has long been in disrepute because it is so distinctly un-American. The waiters in this progressive little tea-room serve each patron with the same degree of courtesy and respect; there is no fawning servility, no unfair dividing of service between two patrons.
Let us hope that before long all restaurants and hotels will follow the lead of the little tea-shop that revolts against the undemocratic custom of tipping. But for the present, while it remains a national custom, we must know when to tip and how to tip, and the correct amounts.
In certain states, as in South Carolina, tipping is illegal. In this case as in all others of a like nature, the rules of etiquette are set aside in favor of the statutes of the law.
LAVISH TIPPING
The man or woman who gives a waiter or a porter a tip that is entirely incommensurate with that individual's services, is not impressing by his generosity, but is earning the derision of the servants for his lack of savoir faire. Extravagance in tipping is like extravagance in any other form—it is decidedly vulgar.
A servant should be tipped according to the amount of service rendered. The hall-boy who brings you a pitcher of ice-water should not receive the same amount as the waiter who serves a full course dinner. Nor should the maid who cares for your room be forgotten while the porter who carries your trunks is handsomely rewarded for his few minutes' service.
IN DINING-ROOM OR DINING-CAR
At a hotel, when a guest expects to stay for a long time, he may reward the waiter in the dining-room for his services at the end of each week. One dollar is considered the correct amount for a woman guest for a week's service in the dining-room, and one dollar and a half for the gentleman guest. Individual tips should amount to ten per cent. of the bill.
In the dining-car a tip of twenty-five cents is sufficient for the services rendered a man or woman. The woman who travels alone may leave twenty-five cents for the waiter in the dining-car. The man who travels alone should leave ten per cent. of the bill, or more according to the services received.
The woman who travels with children and stops at a hotel dining-room or a restaurant along the route, for dinner, should remember that children always require extra service and trouble, and the waiter or waitress should be tipped accordingly. A woman with one child should leave a twenty-five cent tip; and when there are more children the tip should be increased so as to be commensurate with the services received.
AT THE HOTEL
Women are never expected to tip as generously as men. At a hotel, the woman should remember the hall-boy, the chamber-maid, the porter, and the waiter in the dining-room. When her stay is a short one, twenty-five cents apiece is sufficient for each one, except the hall-boy, who is given a tip of ten cents whenever he performs an individual service. If her stay is longer, she should tip according to the amount of service received from each servant.
The man at the hotel is not expected to tip the chamber-maid unless she performs some very special service for him. But he tips all others who serve him in any way. The porter should receive ten cents for each trunk that he carries to the room, and more if he performs additional service. Ten cents is adequate compensation for the bell-boy whenever he performs some service, and it should be forthcoming immediately upon the completion of that service.
Both men and women guests are expected to tip a hotel employee whom they send out on an errand in proportion to the services rendered. If the trip to be taken is a long one, and entails a great deal of trouble. The tip should be a generous one.
THE TAXI-DRIVER
In large cities where taxicabs are fitted with meters that give the exact amount of ground covered and the corresponding cost, the traveler has nothing to fear. He may pay the amount with full confidence that he is not being over-charged. His tip should be fifteen or twenty-five cents, according to the length of the trip; or if the taxi-driver has been specially requested to make the trip in the shortest possible time, and if the distance covered is unusually long, a tip of fifty cents should be forthcoming.
But in some small towns where taxicabs have no meters, unsuspecting strangers are often forced to pay twice or even three times as much as the trip is actually worth. For this reason, it is always wise to know exactly the values of certain trips, and the careful man or woman will know when it is worth one dollar and when it is worth three. To remonstrate with the driver when you feel that he has excessively overcharged is to discourage his future attempts to do the same thing to others. A distance of twenty city blocks—or one mile—should never amount to more than fifty cents; from this figure it should be easy to compute what longer trips should cost.
There is no more reason why exorbitant tips should be paid the taxi-driver than the waiter. He performs no greater service, except in unusual cases, such as catching a train in time or getting you to a physician quickly. The amount of the tip should be in proportion to the amount of the bill, if the trip is just an ordinary one.
ON THE TRAIN
The man in the baggage room who gathers together and checks the trunks will expect a tip of at least twenty-five cents. A woman may offer less than this—but never less than ten cents. To the porter who carries the hand luggage aboard the train and finds a comfortable seat for the traveler, a tip of fifteen or twenty-five cents should be given, and the parlor car porter who performs many little services during the trip should be similarly tipped.
When the railroad journey is longer than twenty-four hours, the man and woman will find that they have several people to tip in the sleeper. The porter who makes the beds and blackens the boots will expect nothing less than twenty-five cents, and for extra service he is entitled to extra compensation. Others who perform services are tipped in amounts that are commensurate with the services rendered, and immediately upon the performance of those services.
CROSSING THE OCEAN
It was on a German steamship that the custom of raising a contribution for the band of musicians originated. Some steamships to-day still observe this custom, but on better ships, where the musicians are of a high order, it has been abolished. If the collection is made, at the end of the journey, each passenger should feel it incumbent upon him to contribute at least twenty-five cents. Fifty cents is not too much, and some people who have particularly enjoyed the music, offer one dollar or even more. It is very bad form, indeed, to refuse to contribute to this fund.
The servants to be remembered on the steamship are the bedroom steward, the table, deck and bathroom stewards, the stewardess, and the boy who blackens the boots. Masculine passengers do not tip the stewardess unless she has rendered them special service. Tips to the servants mentioned above should be governed by the amount of service rendered. For instance, if a woman passenger has been ill all the way across, she is expected to give a generous tip to the stewardess who has nursed her. Five dollars would not be considered extravagant in this case. The man who has been ill should be just as generous with the bedroom steward and all others who have attended him.
When leaving the ship, no one who has been of any service whatever should be forgotten. The porter who helps you with your hand luggage and sees you safely down the gang plank should be rewarded with no less than twenty-five cents.
TIPS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES
Americans in Germany, England or France should learn at once the values of German, English and French money. Otherwise they may make mistakes that will cost them quite a bit. For instance, an American woman in England recently gave a crown to a hotel maid, thinking that it was equivalent to our quarter. The maid realized that the woman did not know the value of it, and she explained it to her. But the traveler must remember that not all servants are so scrupulous.
Tips in foreign countries should be given on the same basis as the ones given to those who serve us here in America. Extravagance is bad form, and not to give at all is niggardly. The amount of the tip should always be commensurate with the service performed. Americans have every right to expect respectful and courteous treatment wherever they chance to be, and they must not feel that they are expected to pay exorbitant fees to obtain it.
CHAPTER IX
ETIQUETTE ABROAD
THE AMERICAN IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES
The American who goes abroad and expects to learn in a few days the customs, manners and even the language of the countries he visits, is like the proverbial Irishman who comes to America and expects to find the streets paved with gold. Both are doomed to disappointment.
One of the most undesirable features of travel abroad is to be forced to depend upon the half-incorrect interpretations of guides for one's comfort and pleasure. How much better it is to be able to talk to the natives of the country themselves, and to understand them and their ways! A little preliminary preparation before the trip, or while one is on the way, serves as an excellent foundation upon which to build one's knowledge of the language and customs of a foreign country.
Good manners are, of course, universal; and the man who is well-bred in America is sure to be correctly-mannered when he is in France or England. And yet there are slight differences between the etiquette of America and the etiquette of foreign countries. They do not affect one's courtesy or kindliness of manner, but they do affect those daily little conventionalities, such as greetings, farewells, table etiquette, addressing clergy and royalty, etc. To be ignorant of these rules is to be susceptible to embarrassment and uncertainty, and to incur the displeasure and unfriendliness of foreigners of good social standing.
The following paragraphs will, we hope, help the man or woman who is traveling abroad, for they contain all the important details of foreign etiquette. But in addition, we have suggested that those who intend to visit France or Germany or any other foreign country, spend a little time reading about that country and learning a bit about the language. There are many good books available in public libraries and elsewhere, that teach one a great deal about the people, interesting places, and language of foreign countries.
ON ENGLISH SOIL
Perhaps it is because America and England have so much in common, that their etiquette is so very similar. We find that balls and receptions and entertainments, dinners, calls, funerals and weddings, in fact, almost all social functions are celebrated in practically the same manner as is considered best form here in America. The changes are so slight that they are not important enough to mention.
But there is one radical difference between English and American conventionalities that usually cause difficulty to the tourist. We refer to the royal society of England which requires a very special kind of recognition. The traveling American who visits an English court will expose himself to a great deal of embarrassment if he does not know the correct court etiquette—if he does not know the proper titles and their recognition, how to address the King or Queen, how to conduct himself while in the presence of royalty.
ADDRESSING ROYALTY
Although every American tourist delights in being presented at court, or to a royal personage, it is usually regarded as a nervous and embarrassing business—for the reason that one does not quite know just what is correct to say and do. When addressing the King, there are two correct forms and no others that may be used. One may say either, "Your Majesty" or "Sir." There are also two forms that may be used when addressing the Queen. They are, "Your Majesty" or "Madame." When answering a question put by either of these rulers, one may not use the brief "No" or "Yes." "No, madame," or "Yes, sir," are the correct forms. When addressing the King, the form "Your Majesty" is used.
All children of the King and Queen are addressed as "Your Royal Highness." This same title is used when addressing the brother or sister of the reigning monarchs, or the brother or sister of the late King. In speaking to royalty, one does not use the simple expression "you," but expresses oneself in this manner, "Has your Royal Highness been to America recently?"
One rule that all Americans should observe when in the presence of foreign royalty is to wait until they are addressed by the persons of rank. They themselves should not volunteer remarks but should enter into the conversation only when they are directly addressed. To use a title of rank, such as "Your Majesty" or "Your Royal Highness" incessantly, is to make it seem superficial. It should be used only when respect and convention demand it.
When presented to royalty, a man is expected to bow, a woman to courtesy. The hand is never offered in greeting, unless the person of rank makes the first motion. In the presence of the Queen everyone should show some mark of respect—men stand with heads uncovered and women bow slightly. Americans should follow these customs if they do not wish to earn the enmity of their English brothers and make their stay in the country unpleasant. But most of all, they should do it because it is the polite and proper thing to do. Americans should also remain standing at the theater or opera when the national anthem, "God Save the Queen," is sung, or while the rest of the audience stands in respect for a member of the royal family who has not yet been seated.
OTHER ENGLISH TITLES
An American in England is very likely to meet some persons of high hereditary title, if they are not presented at the court itself. When speaking of a Duke, one says, "The Duke of Lancastershire." When addressing him, one says, "Your Grace" or "My Lord Duke." Familiarly, by those who know him well and address him as an equal, the Duke is addressed merely as "Duke." The same rule applies to the Duchess. Formally she is addressed as "Your Grace"; familiarly she is addressed as "Duchess."