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The Bab Ballads, with Which Are Included Songs of a Savoyard

Chapter 2: CAPTAIN REECE
By W. S. Gilbert
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British LiteratureHumourPoetry

About This Book

A compendium of witty, comic ballads and songs illustrated by the author, presenting short humorous narratives and lyrical pieces that gently satirize social pretensions, institutional pomp, romantic folly, and theatrical affectation. Poems vary from quick epigrams to longer narrative sketches, employing parody, absurd reversals, and playful meter to produce ironic effects. Interleaved theatrical songs link the verse to the stage, while frequent illustrations amplify the jokes and punchlines. The overall tone shifts between whimsical and caustic, favoring lighthearted mockery over earnest moralizing.

CONTENTS.

 Page
Captain Reece1
The Darned Mounseer6
The Rival Curates8
The Englishman13
Only a Dancing Girl14
The Disagreeable Man16
General John18
The Coming By-and-By22
To a Little Maid24
The Highly Respectable Gondolier26
John and Freddy28
The Fairy Queen's Song32
Sir Guy the Crusader34
Is Life a Boon?38
Haunted39
The Modern Major-General42
The Bishop and the 'Busman44
The Heavy Dragoon49
The Troubadour51
Proper Pride56
Ferdinando and Elvira; or, the Gentle Pieman58
The Policeman's Lot63
Lorenzo de Lardy64
The Baffled Grumbler69
Disillusioned71
The House of Peers74
Babette's Love76
A Merry Madrigal81
To my Bride82
The Duke and the Duchess84
The Folly of Brown87
Eheu Fugaces—!92
Sir Macklin94
They'll None of 'em be Missed99
The Yarn of the "Nancy Bell"101
Girl Graduates106
The Bishop of Rum-ti-Foo108
Braid the Raven Hair113
The Precocious Baby114
The Working Monarch119
To Phœbe122
The Ape and the Lady123
Baines Carew, Gentleman125
Only Roses130
Thomas Winterbottom Hance131
The Rover's Apology136
A Discontented Sugar Broker138
An Appeal143
The Pantomime "Super" to his Mask144
The Reward of Merit146
The Ghost, the Gallant, the Gael, and the Goblin148
The Magnet and the Churn153
King Borria Bungalee Boo155
The Family Fool161
The Periwinkle Girl164
Sans Souci169
Thomson Green and Harriet Hale171
A Recipe175
Bob Polter176
The Merryman and his Maid182
Ellen M'Jones Aberdeen185
The Susceptible Chancellor191
Peter the Wag193
When a Merry Maiden Marries198
The Three Kings of Chickeraboo200
The British Tar204
Gentle Alice Brown205
A Man who would Woo a Fair Maid209
The Sorcerer's Song211
The Bumboat Woman's Story214
The Fickle Breeze219
The Two Ogres221
The First Lord's Song227
Little Oliver229
Mister William235
Would you Know?240
Pasha Bailey Ben242
Lieutenant-Colonel Flare248
Speculation254
Ah Me!255
Lost Mr. Blake256
The Duke of Plaza-Toro262
The Baby's Vengeance265
The Æsthete271
The Captain and the Mermaids273
Said I to Myself, Said I278
Annie Protheroe280
Sorry her Lot286
An Unfortunate Likeness287
The Contemplative Sentry292
Gregory Parable, LL.D.294
The Philosophic Pill299
The King of Canoodle-dum301
Blue Blood307
First Love309
The Judge's Song315
Brave Alum Bey317
When I First put this Uniform on322
Sir Barnaby Bampton Boo324
Solatium329
The Modest Couple330
A Nightmare335
The Martinet338
Don't Forget!345
The Sailor Boy to his Lass348
The Suicide's Grave354
The Reverend Simon Magus356
He and She361
Damon v. Pythias363
The Mighty Must367
My Dream368
A Mirage374
The Bishop of Rum-ti-Foo Again376
The Ghosts' High Noon381
A Worm will Turn383
The Humane Mikado388
The Haughty Actor391
Willow Waly!397
The Two Majors399
Life is Lovely all the Year403
Emily, John, James, and I405
The Usher's Charge411
The Perils of Invisibility413
The Great Oak Tree418
Old Paul and Old Tim420
King Goodheart424
The Mystic Selvagee426
Sleep on!431
The Cunning Woman433
The Love-sick Boy439
Phrenology440
Poetry Everywhere445
The Fairy Curate446
He Loves!453
The Way of Wooing454
True Diffidence458
Hongree and Mahry460
The Tangled Skein466
The Reverend Micah Sowls467
My Lady471
One against the World473
The Force of Argument475
Put a Penny in the Slot480
Good Little Girls482
The Phantom Curate484
Life487
Limited Liability490
The Sensation Captain492
Anglicised Utopia497
An English Girl499
Tempora Mutantur501
A Manager's Perplexities504
Out of Sorts506
At a Pantomime508
How it's Done512
A Classical Revival515
The Story of Prince Agib518
The Practical Joker523
The National Anthem526
Joe Golightly; or, the First Lord's Daughter528
Her Terms534
The Independent Bee536
To the Terrestrial Globe539
Etiquette541
The Disconcerted Tenor547
Ben Allah Achmet; or, the Fatal Tum549
The Played-out Humorist553
Index to First Lines555
Alphabetical Index to Titles561

THE BAB BALLADS

CAPTAIN REECE

Of all the ships upon the blue
No ship contained a better crew
Than that of worthy Captain Reece,
Commanding of The Mantelpiece.
He was adored by all his men,
For worthy Captain Reece, R.N.,
Did all that lay within him to
Promote the comfort of his crew.

If ever they were dull or sad,
Their captain danced to them like mad,
Or told, to make the time pass by.
Droll legends of his infancy.

A feather bed had every man,
Warm slippers and hot-water can,
Brown Windsor from the captain's store,
A valet, too, to every four.
Did they with thirst in summer burn?
Lo, seltzogenes at every turn,
And on all very sultry days
Cream ices handed round on trays.
Then currant wine and ginger pops
Stood handily on all the "tops";
And, also, with amusement rife,
A "Zoetrope, or Wheel of Life."

New volumes came across the sea
From Mister Mudie's libraree;
The Times and Saturday Review
Beguiled the leisure of the crew.
Kind-hearted Captain Reece, R.N.,
Was quite devoted to his men;
In point of fact, good Captain Reece
Beatified The Mantelpiece.
One summer eve, at half-past ten,
He said (addressing all his men):
"Come, tell me, please, what I can do
To please and gratify my crew?
"By any reasonable plan
I'll make you happy, if I can;
My own convenience count as nil;
It is my duty, and I will."
Then up and answered William Lee
(The kindly captain's coxswain he,
A nervous, shy, low-spoken man),
He cleared his throat and thus began:
"You have a daughter, Captain Reece,
Ten female cousins and a niece,
A ma, if what I'm told is true,
Six sisters, and an aunt or two.
"Now, somehow, sir, it seems to me,
More friendly-like we all should be
If you united of 'em to
Unmarried members of the crew.

"If you'd ameliorate our life,
Let each select from them a wife;
And as for nervous me, old pal,
Give me your own enchanting gal!"
Good Captain Reece, that worthy man,
Debated on his coxswain's plan:
"I quite agree," he said, "O Bill;
It is my duty, and I will.
"My daughter, that enchanting gurl,
Has just been promised to an earl,
And all my other familee,
To peers of various degree.
"But what are dukes and viscounts to
The happiness of all my crew?
The word I gave you I'll fulfil;
It is my duty, and I will.
"As you desire it shall befall,
I'll settle thousands on you all,
And I shall be, despite my hoard,
The only bachelor on board."
The boatswain of The Mantelpiece,
He blushed and spoke to Captain Reece.
"I beg your honour's leave," he said,
"If you would wish to go and wed,
"I have a widowed mother who
Would be the very thing for you—
She long has loved you from afar,
She washes for you, Captain R."

The captain saw the dame that day—
Addressed her in his playful way—
"And did it want a wedding ring?
It was a tempting ickle sing!

"Well, well, the chaplain I will seek,
We'll all be married this day week—
At yonder church upon the hill;
It is my duty, and I will!"
The sisters, cousins, aunts, and niece,
And widowed ma of Captain Reece,
Attended there as they were bid;
It was their duty, and they did.

THE DARNED MOUNSEER

I shipped, d'ye see, in a Revenue sloop,
And, off Cape Finisteere,
A merchantman we see,
A Frenchman, going free,
So we made for the bold Mounseer,
D'ye see?
We made for the bold Mounseer!
But she proved to be a Frigate—and she up with her ports,
And fires with a thirty-two!
It come uncommon near,
But we answered with a cheer,
Which paralysed the Parley-voo,
D'ye see?
Which paralysed the Parley-voo!

Then our Captain he up and he says, says he,
"That chap we need not fear,—
We can take her, if we like,
She is sartin for to strike,
For she's only a darned Mounseer,
D'ye see?
She's only a darned Mounseer!
But to fight a French fal-lal—it's like hittin' of a gal—
It's a lubberly thing for to do;
For we, with all our faults,
Why, we're sturdy British salts,
While she's but a Parley-voo,
D'ye see?
A miserable Parley-voo!"
So we up with our helm, and we scuds before the breeze,
As we gives a compassionating cheer;
Froggee answers with a shout
As he sees us go about,
Which was grateful of the poor Mounseer,
D'ye see?
Which was grateful of the poor Mounseer!
And I'll wager in their joy they kissed each other's cheek
(Which is what them furriners do),
And they blessed their lucky stars
We were hardy British tars
Who had pity on a poor Parley-voo,
D'ye see?
Who had pity on a poor Parley-voo!

THE RIVAL CURATES