The idea, given by Goldsmith in his “Retaliation,” of looking upon one’s friends as so many pleasant dishes, is offered as a suggestion. He says:

If our landlord supplies us with beef and with fish,
Let each guest bring himself, and he brings the best dish:
Our Dean shall be venison, just fresh from the plains;
Our Burke shall be tongue, with a garnish of brains;
Our Will shall be wild fowl of excellent flavour,
And Dick with his pepper shall heighten the savour;
Our Cumberland’s sweetbread its place shall obtain,
And Douglas is pudding, substantial and plain;
Our Garrick’s a salad, for in him we see
Oil, vinegar, sugar, and saltness agree:...
At a dinner so various—at such a repast,
Who’d not be a glutton, and stick to the last?

The Host and Hostess. The hostess should give her instructions for the details of the entertainment so explicitly that on the arrival of the guests she will have no care other than their pleasure.

If she is nervous, has wandering eyes, or shows constraint, it affects sensibly the ease of her guests. The spirit of pleasure is infectious, and upon the demeanor of the hosts the success of the evening largely depends. Much tact may be shown in placing the right people together at the table. If one is a great talker let the other be a good listener; if one is dogmatic let the other be without positive views, and so on; for as every one is happiest when appearing well, it is wise to consider the idiosyncrasies of the guests.

The Guests. The part of the hosts is thus well defined; but the guests, too, have their obligations, and in recognition of the compliment of being included in an entertainment where the number of guests is limited to very few, each one should make exertion to be agreeable, as a dull dinner companion is a recognized misfortune. At a dinner there is time, not given at most other forms of entertainment, for rational and sustained conversation, and this may be turned to durance vile if one victimizes by egotism or caprice the person who without power of withdrawal is assigned to his or her society for perhaps two hours or more. Also, if one finds oneself neighbor to some person for whom one has a personal antipathy, it must not be allowed to interfere with the general pleasure; and should such a situation occur, there is nothing to do but to make the best of it, and conceal from the hostess the mistake she has unwittingly made—

And do as adversaries do in law,
Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.

Under these circumstances the discovery may possibly be made that an unfriendly person is more agreeable than was supposed, and a pleasanter relationship may be established.

Time. Two hours is the extreme limit of time that should be given to a dinner; one hour and a quarter, or a half, is preferable. Eight courses served quickly, but without seeming haste, require as much time as most people can sit at the table without fatigue. Last impressions are as enduring as first ones, so it is important not to surfeit, for

When fatigue enters into so-called pleasure, failure begins.

Judgment shown in combination of dishes, the perfection of their preparation, careful serving, and taste in adornment, are elements of refinement that far outweigh quantity and ostentation.

Temperature. The temperature and ventilation of the dining-room should be given careful attention. The best of spirits and the brightest wit will flag in an overheated, ill-ventilated room. It is not always easy to maintain a fresh atmosphere where as many guests are seated as the size of the room permits, but at least the room can be well aired before the dinner is served. Windows opened a very little from both the top and bottom in an adjoining room, with a careful adjustment of screens to protect those who are sensitive to drafts, will do much to keep the air fresh, and will have a sensible effect upon the comfort and mental activity of the company.

The Invitation. Invitations are sometimes sent out a month or three weeks in advance, but ordinarily two weeks is sufficient time to secure the guests one wishes to entertain. Courtesy requires a dinner invitation to be answered at once, certainly within twelve hours, but better in less time. This enables the hostess to fill the vacancy in case the invitation is declined. Unconventional people are sometimes unmindful of this obligation, but as a rule those who are accustomed to entertaining recognize the importance of a prompt reply, and answer a dinner invitation immediately.

It is well, when convenient, to send the invitation as well as the reply by hand, so that there may be no uncertainty of prompt delivery; to send either of them by post is, however, permissible.

The answer should be definite, and where a man and his wife are invited, if one of them is unable to accept, the invitation should be declined for both. An invitation should be precise in expression, therefore the prescribed form given below should be exactly followed. It does not belong to the order of social notes; it is simply a formal invitation, and an acceptance should be of the same character. Any deviation from the prescribed form is uncalled for and likely to cause criticism. In declining the invitation, however, it is considered more gracious to answer the formal note informally, and, by stating the reason, show that the regret is not merely a perfunctory expression.

Verbal invitations or replies should never be given for formal entertainments. R. S. V. P. should not be put on a dinner invitation. Every well-bred person knows an answer is necessary, and it is a reflection upon good manners to assume that no reply would be given if the request for it were omitted.

It is important also that the reply should repeat, in the same words as the invitation, the date and hour of the dinner, so, if any mistake has inadvertently been made, it may be corrected, thus establishing an exact understanding.

A dinner engagement is the most exacting of any social obligation, and no greater discourtesy can be shown than to break it except for serious cause.

Envelop addressed to Mrs. John B. Smith.

Envelop addressed to Mrs. James J. James.

This form of invitation is sometimes misleading to strangers, as the word “informal” is open to different interpretations.

These dinners are generally quite as formal as the others, and require the same toilet.

A woman’s dinner dress should be décolleté, and for a man evening dress is always de rigueur.

Dress. The butler wears a dress suit with white tie. The footman, or second man, wears the livery of the family, or, in default of that, a coat of dark color, with brass buttons, and a bright-colored striped waistcoat.

The dining-room maid wears a plain black dress, a white apron that covers completely the front of her skirt, a linen collar and deep cuffs, and a small white cap, with or without strings, but no crown. Everything in a well-ordered household is supposed to be clean, including the hands of the domestics, and the use of white gloves is not permissible. First-class butlers and footmen do not wear mustaches.

Arrival. Guests are expected at the hour mentioned in the invitation, and should be as near that time as possible. In large cities, where distances are great and exact time difficult to calculate, a little grace is allowed, but the hostess is not expected to wait longer than fifteen minutes for a tardy guest. It is considered a breach of etiquette to be late, and the assumption is, when this occurs, that the delay is unavoidable and will be indefinite, and so the other guests should not be inconvenienced.

At large dinners a gentleman finds in the dressing-room, or a servant passes to him before he enters the drawing-room, a tray holding small addressed envelops. He selects the one bearing his own name, and finds on an inclosed card the name of the lady he is to take to the table. The letter R or L in the corner of the card denotes whether he will find his place on the right or left of the table from the entrance. If he does not know the lady, he should tell the hostess, so that he may be presented to her. The hostess stands near the door to receive her guests, and such introductions follow as can conveniently be made. If general introductions are omitted, guests are expected to act as though acquainted, and speak to whomever they may be near. This rule holds good for all entertainments in some countries, but Americans continue a reserve except at dinners, where barriers to ease and pleasure must not exist. The hostess does not knowingly bring together people who object to meet one another, but in such an event the acquaintanceship need not extend beyond the evening, and good breeding requires a courteous recognition of the friends of the hostess while under her roof.

The butler keeps count of the arrival of expected guests, and announces dinner shortly after all are in the drawing-room. In case of a tardy guest he waits for the hostess to order the dinner served. Announcement. He then enters the room, and, looking at the host or hostess, says, “Dinner is served,” or “Madam is served,” or simply bows to the hostess.

The host then offers his right arm to the lady who is to sit at his right, and leads the way into the dining-room; the other couples follow in any order that is convenient. Precedence. The hostess, with the gentleman she honors with the seat at her right, are the last to leave the drawing-room. If a distinguished man is present, it is to him this courtesy is shown. Except in official and diplomatic circles, there is no other rule of precedence. If the President of the United States or a royal personage were being entertained, the hostess with this dignitary would then precede the others.

At each cover is laid a card on which is distinctly written the name of the person who is to occupy that place. Confusion is thus avoided in seating the guests. It has been a fashion to have these cards artistic and elaborate in design, but at present plain gilt-edged cards stamped with the family crest or monogram are more generally used.

Departure. When the dinner is finished, the gentlemen return to the drawing-room with the ladies, and then withdraw to the smoking-room for half an hour. Shortly after their return to the drawing-room the guests take their leave. If guests of honor are present, they are the first to go.