"'Ave you
h
occupied it long?"


"Our family has resided here for more than nine years."


"Then, I suppose, your lease 'as run
h
out!"


"No! we have it for five years longer: but my brother, who is a clergyman, has been appointed to a living in Yorkshire, and for his sake, and for the pleasure of his society, we desire to remove."


"Well—there's nothing like keeping families together for the sake of 'appiness. Now there's my poor dear 'Itching" [There she paused, as if somewhat affected, and some young ladies who were in the room drew their heads together, and appeared to consult about their needlework; but I saw, by dimples upon their cheeks, which they could not conceal, that they were smiling], "'e's 'itherto been
h
at 'ome so seldom, that I've 'ardly
h
ever known what 'appiness
h
is."


I somewhat abruptly broke in upon the conversation, by suggesting that she had better look through the house, and inquire the conditions of tenancy. We consequently went through the various rooms, and in every one of them she had "an
h
objection to this," or "a 'atred for that," or would give "an 'int which might be useful" to the lady when she removed. The young ladies were heard tittering very much whenever Mrs. H. broke out, in a loud voice, with her imperfect elocution, and I felt so much annoyed, that I determined to cure her of her defective speaking.


In
the evening, after returning home, we were sitting by the fire, feeling comfortable and chatty, when I proposed to Mrs. Hitching the following enigma from the pen of the late Henry Mayhew:
The Vide Vorld you may search, and my fellow not find;
I dwells in a Wacuum, deficient in Vind;
In the Wisage I'm seen—in the Woice I am heard,
And yet I'm inwisible, gives went to no Vurd.
I'm not much of a Vag, for I'm vanting in Vit;
But distinguished in Werse for the Wollums I've writ.
I'm the head of all Willains, yet far from the Vurst—
I'm the foremost in Wice, though in Wirtue the first.
I'm not used to Veapons, and ne'er goes to Vor;
Though in Walour inwincible—in Wictory sure;
The first of all Wiands and Wictuals is mine—
Rich in Wen'son and Weal, but deficient in Vine.
To Wanity given, I in Welwets abound;
But in Voman, in Vife, and in Vidow ain't found:
Yet conspicuous in Wirgins, and I'll tell you, between us,
To persons of taste I'm a bit of a Wenus;
Yet none take me for Veal—or for Voe in its stead,
For I ranks not among the sweet Voo'd, Vun, and Ved!
Before the recital of the enigma was half completed, Mrs. Hitching laughed heartily—she saw, of course, the meaning of it—that it was a play upon the Cockney error of using the V instead of the W, and the latter instead of the V. Several times, as I proceeded, she exclaimed "
H
excellent!
h
excellent!" and when I had finished, she remarked that is was very "
h
ingenious," and enough to "
h
open the
h
eyes" of the Cockneys to their stupid and vulgar manner of speaking.


A
more difficult and delicate task lay before me. I told her that as she was so much pleased with the first enigma, I would submit another by the same author. I felt very nervous, but determined to proceed:
I dwells in the Herth, and I breathes in the Hair;
If you searches the Hocean, you'll find that I'm there.
The first of all Hangels, in Holympus am Hi,
Yet I'm banished from 'Eaven, expelled from on 'Igh.
But though on this Horb I am destined to grovel,
I'm ne'er seen in an 'Ouse, in an 'Ut, nor an 'Ovel;
Not an 'Oss nor an 'Unter e'er bears me, alas!
But often I'm found on the top of a Hass.
I resides in a Hattic, and loves not to roam,
And yet I'm invariably absent from 'Ome.
Though 'ushed in the 'Urricane, of the Hatmosphere part,
I enters no 'Ed, I creeps into no 'Art.
Only look, and you'll see in the Heye I appear,
Only 'ark, and you'll 'ear me just breathe in the Hear;
Though in sex not an 'E, I am (strange paradox!)
Not a bit of an 'Eifer, but partly a Hox.
Of Heternity Hi'm the beginning! And, mark,
Though I goes not with Noah, I am first in the Hark.
I'm never in 'Ealth—have with Fysic no power;
I dies in a Month, but comes back In a Hour!
In re-citing the above I strongly emphasized the misplaced
h
's. After a brief pause, Mrs. Hitchings exclaimed, "Very good; very clever." I then determined to complete my task by repeating the following enigma upon the same letter written by Miss Catherine Fanshawe and often erroneously attributed to Byron:
'Twas whispered in heaven, 'twas muttered in hell,
And echo caught faintly the sound as it fell;
On the confines of earth 'twas permitted to rest,
And the depths of the ocean its presence confessed.
'Twill be found in the sphere when 'tis riven asunder,
Be seen in the lightning, and heard in the thunder.
'Twas allotted to man with his earliest breath,
Attends at his birth, and awaits him in death;
It presides o'er his happiness, honour, and health,
Is the prop of his house, and the end of his wealth.
In the heaps of the miser 'tis hoarded with care,
But is sure to be lost on his prodigal heir.
It begins every hope, every wish it must bound,
With the husbandman toils, with the monarch is crowned.
Without it the soldier and seaman may roam,
But woe to the wretch who expels it from home.
In the whispers of conscience its voice will be found,
Nor e'en in the whirlwind of passion be drowned.
'Twill not soften the heart, and though deaf to the ear,
'Twill make it acutely and instantly hear.
But in shade let it rest, like a delicate flower—
Oh, breathe on it softly—it dies in an hour.
She was much pleased, but seemed thoughtful, and once or twice in conversation checked herself, and corrected herself in the pronunciation of words that were difficult to her.


A
few days afterwards., I called upon her, and upon being introduced to the parlour to wait for her appearance, I saw lying upon her table the following:
Memorandum on the Use of the Letter H.

Pronounce Herb 'Erb
Pronounce Heir 'Eir
Pronounce Honesty 'Onesty
Pronounce Honour Onour
Pronounce Hospital Ospital
Pronounce Hostler 'Ostler
Pronounce Hour 'Our
Pronounce Humour 'Umour
Pronounce Humble 'Umble
Pronounce Humility 'Umility


In all other cases the H is to be sounded when it begins a word.

Mem.—Be careful to sound the H slightly in such words as where, when, what, why—don't say were, wen, wat, wy.
I am happy to say that it is now a pleasure to hear Mrs. Hitching's conversation. I only hope that others may improve as she has done.

Glass Manufacturing in England A.D. 1457.


216.  Conversation


There are many talkers, but few who know how to converse agreeably. Speak distinctly, neither too rapidly nor too slowly. Accommodate the pitch of your voice to the hearing of the person with whom you are conversing. Never speak with your mouth full. Tell your jokes, and laugh afterwards. Dispense with superfluous words—such as, "Well, I should think," etc.

Tabacco Brought to England from Virginia A.D. 1588.


217.  The Woman who wishes her conversation to be agreeable


will avoid conceit or affectation, and laughter which is not natural and spontaneous, Her language will be easy and unstudied, marked by a graceful carelessness, which, at the same time, never oversteps the limits of propriety. Her lips will readily yield to a pleasant smile; she will not love to hear herself talk; her tones will bear the impress of sincerity, and her eyes kindle with animation as she speaks. The art of pleasing is, in truth, the very soul of good breeding; for the precise object of the latter is to render us agreeable to all with whom we associate—to make us, at the same time, esteemed and loved.

Telescopes Invented in Germany A.D. 1590.


218.  Rudeness


We need scarcely advert to the rudeness of interrupting any one who is speaking, or to the impropriety of pushing, to its full extent, a discussion which has become unpleasant.


219.  Pedantry


Some Men have a Mania for Greek and Latin quotations: this is peculiarly to be avoided. It is like pulling up the stones from a tomb wherewith to kill the living. Nothing is more wearisome than pedantry.


220.  Proportion


If you feel your Intellectual Superiority to any one with whom you are conversing, do not seek to bear him down: it would be an inglorious triumph, and a breach of good manners. Beware, too, of speaking lightly of subjects which bear a sacred character.


221.  Writing and Talking


It is a Common Idea that the art of writing and the art of conversation are one; this is a great mistake. A man of genius may be a very dull talker.


222.  Interesting Conversation


The two grand modes of making your conversation interesting, are to enliven it by recitals calculated to affect and impress your hearers, and to intersperse it with anecdotes and smart things. Count Antoine Rivarol, who lived from 1757 to 1801, was a master in the latter mode.


223.  Composition


If you would write to any purpose, you must be perfectly free from without, in the first place, and yet more free from within. Give yourself the natural rein; think on no pattern, no patron, no paper, no press, no public; think on nothing, but follow your own impulses. Give yourself as you are, what you are, and how you see it. Everyman sees with his own eyes, or does not see at all. This is incontrovertibly true. Bring out what you have. If you have nothing, be an honest beggar rather than a respectable thief. Great care and attention should be devoted to epistolary correspondence, as nothing exhibits want of taste and judgment so much as a slovenly letter. Since the establishment of the penny postage it is recognised as a rule that all letters should be prepaid; indeed, many persons make a point of never taking in an unpaid letter. The following hints may be worthy of attention:


224.  Stamps


Always put a Stamp on your envelope, at the top, in the right-hand corner.


225.  Direction


Let the Direction be written very plain; this will save the postman trouble, and facilitate business by preventing mistakes.


226.  Postal District


If the Address be in London add the letters of the postal district in which it happens to be, for this also saves trouble in the General Post Office. Thus in writing to the publishers of "Enquire Within," whose house of business is in the East Central (E.C.) postal district, address your letter to Messrs. Houlston and Sons, Paternoster Square, London, E.C.


227.  Heading


At the head of your Letter, in the right-hand corner, put your address in full, with the day of the month underneath; do not omit this, though you may be writing to your most intimate friend for the third or even the fourth time in the course of a day.


228.  Subject


What you have to say in your Letter, say as plainly as possible, as if you were speaking; this is the best rule. Do not revert three or four times to one circumstance, but finish as you go on.


229.  Signature


Let your signature be written as plainly as possible (many mistakes will be avoided, especially in writing to strangers), and without any flourishes, as these do not add in any way to the harmony of your letter. We have seen signatures that have been almost impossible to decipher, being a mere mass of strokes, without any form to indicate letters. This is done chiefly by the ignorant, and would lead one to suppose that they were ashamed of signing what they had written.


230.  Crossing the Page


Do not cross your letters: surely paper is cheap enough now to admit of using an extra half-sheet, in case of necessity.


231.  Return Envelope


If you write to a stranger for information, or on your own business, be sure to send a stamped envelope with your address plainly written; this will not fail to procure you an answer.


232.  Good Materials


If you are not a good writer it is advisable to use the best ink, paper, and pens. For although they may not alter the character of your handwriting, yet they will assist to make your writing look better.


233.  Clean and Neat


The paper on which you write should be clean, and neatly folded.


234.  Stains


There should not be stains on the envelope; if otherwise, it is only an indication of your own slovenliness.


235.  Individual Respect


Care must be taken in giving titled persons, to whom you write, their proper designations.


236.  Addresses of Letters.


As this branch of epistolary correspondence is one of the most important, we subjoin a few additional hints which letter writers generally would do well to attend to.


  1. When writing several letters, place each in its envelope, and address it as soon as it is written. Otherwise awkward mistakes may occur, your correspondents receiving letters not intended for them. If there be a town of the same name as that to which you are writing existing in another county, specify the county which you mean or, the address. Thus, Richmond, Yorkshire.

  1. When the person to whom you are writing is visiting or residing at the house of another person, it is considered vulgar to put "at Mr. So-and-So's," but simply "Mr. So-and-So's," at being understood.

  1. It is more respectful to write the word "Esquire" in full. The —— substituted for initials is vulgar, and pardonable only in extreme cases; if the Christian name or initials of your correspondent do not occur to you at the moment, endeavour to ascertain them by inquiry.

  1. When addressing a gentleman with the prefix "Mr.," the Christian name or initials should always follow, being more polite, as well as avoiding confusion where persons of the same surname may reside in one house.

  1. In addressing a letter to two or more unmarried ladies, write "The Misses Johnson," and not "The Miss Johnsons;" and, lastly, always write an address clearly and legibly, so that it may not be delayed in delivery, nor be missent.



237.   Addresses of Persons of Rank and Distinction1


238.  The Royal Family.


Superscription
.—To the Queen's (
King's
) Most Excellent Majesty.


Commencement
.—Most Gracious Sovereign; May it please your Majesty.


Conclusion
.—I remain, with the profoundest veneration, Your Majesty's most faithful subject and dutiful servant.


239.  Princes of the Blood Royal


  1. The Sons and Daughters, Brothers and Sisters, Uncles and Aunts of the Sovereign.—Sup.—To His (Her) Royal Highness the Prince of Wales (Princess Beatrice).
Comm.—Your Royal Highness.

Con.—I remain, with the greatest respect (I have the honour to be), your Royal Highness's most obedient servant.

  1. Other branches of the Royal Family.—Sup.—To His Royal Highness the Duke of Cambridge.
Comm.—Your Royal Highness.

Con.—I remain, with the greatest respect, your Royal Highness's most humble and obedient servant.


240.  Nobility and Gentry.


  1. Duke or Duchess.—Sup.—To His Grace the Duke (Her Grace the Duchess) of Northumberland.
Comm.—My Lord Duke (Madam).

Con.—I have the honour to be, My Lord Duke (Madam), Your Grace's most devoted and obedient servant.

  1. Marquis or Marchioness.—Sup.—To the Most Honourable the Marquis (Marchioness) of Salisbury.
Comm.—My Lord Marquis (Madam).

Con.—I have the honour to be, My Lord Marquis, Your Lordship's (Madam, Your Ladyship's) most obedient and most humble servant.

  1. Earl or Countess.—Sup.—To the Right Honourable the Earl (Countess) of Aberdeen.
Comm.—My Lord (Madam).

Con.—I have the honour to be, My Lord, Your Lordship's (Madam, Your Ladyship's) most obedient and very, humble servant.

  1. Viscount or Viscountess.—Sup.—To the Right Honourable Lord Viscount (Lady Viscountess) Gough.
Comm. and Con. same as Earl's.

  1. Baron or Baroness.—Sup.—To the Right Honourable Lord (Lady) Rowton.
Comm. and Con. same as Earl's.

  1. Younger Sons of Earls, and all the Sons of Viscounts and Barons.—Sup.—To the Honourable Arthur Hamilton Gordon.
Comm.—Honoured Sir.

Con.—I have the honour to be, Honoured Sir, Your most obedient and very humble servant.

  1. Baronet and His Wife.—Sup.—To Sir Stafford Northcote, Bart. (Lady Northcote).
Comm.—Sir (Madam). Con.—I have the honour to be, Sir, Your most humble and obedient (Madam, Your Ladyship's most obedient and very humble) servant.

  1. Knight and his Wife.—Sup.—To Sir Francis Wyatt Truscott (Lady Truscott).
Comm. and Con. as preceding.

  1. Esquire.—This title is now accorded to every man of position and respectability, but persons entitled to superior consideration are distinguished by "&c., &c., &c.," added to their superscription.
The wives of Gentlemen, when several of the same name are married, are distinguished by the Christian name of their husbands, as Mrs. John Harvey, Mrs. William Temple.

  1. Privy Councillors.—These have the title of Right Honourable, which is prefixed to their name thus:
Sup.—To the Right Honourable William Ewart Gladstone, M. P.

Comm.—Sir.

Con.—I have the honour to be, Sir, Your most obedient very humble servant.




Footnote 1:
 Adapted from the "Dictionary of Daily Wants," published by Houlston and Sons, Paternoster Square, E.C., in one volume, half bound, at 7s. 6d., or in three separate volumes, cloth, each 2s. 6d.

return to footnote mark



241.  The Clergy


  1. Archbishop.—Sup.—To His Grace the Archbishop of Canterbury.
Comm.—Your Grace.

Con.—I remain, Your Grace's most devoted obedient servant.

  1. Bishop.—Sup.—To the Right Reverend the Bishop of Winchester.
Comm.—Right Reverend Sir.

Con.—I remain, Right Reverend Sir, Your most obedient humble servant.

  1. Doctor of Divinity.—Sup.—To the Reverend James William Vivian, D.D., or, To the Reverend Dr. Vivian.
Comm.—Reverend Sir.

Con.—I have the honour to be, Reverend Sir, Your most obedient servant.

  1. Dean.—Sup.—To the Very Reverend The Dean of St. Paul's; or, To the Very Reverend Richard William Church, M.A., D.C.L., D.D., Dean of St. Paul's.
Comm.—Mr. Dean; or, Reverend Sir.

Con.—I have the honour to be, Mr. Dean (or Reverend Sir), Your most obedient servant.

  1. Archdeacon.—Sup.—To the Venerable Archdeacon Hessey, D.C.L.
Comm.—Reverend Sir.

Con.—I have the honour to remain, Reverend Sir, Your most obedient servant.

  1. Clergymen.—Sup.—To the Reverend Thomas Dale.
Com. and Con. same as the preceding.

  1. Clergymen with Titles.—When a Bishop or other Clergyman possesses the title of Right Honourable or Honourable, it is prefixed to his Clerical title, but Baronets and Knights have their clerical title placed first, as in the following examples:
Sup.—To the Right Honourable and Rigt Reverend the Lord Bishop of Bath and Wells.

Sup.—To the Honourable and Right Reverend the Lord Bishop of Norwich.

Sup.—To the Right Honourable and Reverend Lord Wriothesley Russell, M.A.

Sup.—To the Honourable and Reverend Baptist Wriothesley Noel, M.A.

Sup.—To the Reverend Sir Henry R. Dukinfield, Bart, M.A.

No clerical dignity confers a title or rank on the wife of the dignitary, who is simply addressed Mistress, unless possessing a title in her own right, or through her husband, independently of his clerical rank.


242.  Judges &c.


  1. Lord Chancellor. —Sup.—To the Right Honourable Roundell Palmer, Lord Selborne, Lord High Chancellor of Great Britain.

  1. Master of the Rolls.—Sup.—To the Right Honourable the Master of the Rolls.

  1. Chief Justice.—Sup.—To the Right Honourable the Lord Chief Justice; or, the Right Honourable Lord Coleridge, Lord Chief Justice of England.
The Chief Justice of the Court of Common Pleas is addressed in the same form, and are all styled My Lord.