I spose you recollect thet I explained my gennle
views
In the last billet thet I writ, 'way down frum Veery
Cruze,
Jest arter I'd a kind o' ben spontanously sot
up
To run unanimously fer the Presidential cup;
O' course it worn't no wish o' mine, 'twuz ferflely
distressin',
But poppiler enthusiasm gut so almighty
pressin'
Thet, though like sixty all along I fumed an' fussed
an' sorrered,
There didn't seem no ways to stop their bringin' on me
forrerd:
Fact is, they udged the matter so, I couldn't help
admittin'
The Father o' his Country's shoes no feet but mine
'ould fit in,
Besides the savin' o' the soles fer ages to
succeed,
Seein' thet with one wannut foot, a pair 'd be more 'n
I need;
An', tell ye wut, them shoes'll want a thund'rin' sight
o' patchin',
Ef this 'ere fashion is to last we've gut into o'
hatchin'
A pair o' second Washintons fer every new
election,—
Though, fur ez number one's consarned, I don't make no
objection.
I wuz agoin' on to say thet wen at fust I saw
The masses would stick to 't I wuz the Country's
father-'n-law,
(They would ha' hed it Father, but I told 'em
't wouldn't du,
Coz thet wuz sutthin' of a sort they couldn't split in
tu,
An' Washinton hed hed the thing laid fairly to his
door,
Nor darsn't say 't worn't his'n, much ez sixty year
afore,)
But 'taint no matter ez to thet; wen I wuz
nomernated,
'T worn't natur but wut I should feel consid'able
elated,
An' wile the hooraw o' the thing wuz kind o' noo an'
fresh,
I thought our ticket would ha' caird the country with a
resh.
Sence I've come hum, though, an' looked round, I think
I seem to find
Strong argimunts ez thick ez fleas to make me change my
mind;
It's clear to any one whose brain ain't fur gone in a
phthisis,
Thet hail Columby's happy land is goin' thru a
crisis,
An' 't wouldn't noways du to hev the people's mind
distracted
By bein' all to once by sev'ral pop'lar names
attackted;
'T would save holl haycartloads o' fuss an' three four
months o' jaw,
Ef some illustrous paytriot should back out an'
withdraw;
So, ez I aint a crooked stick, jest like—like ole
(I swow,
I dunno ez I know his name)—I'll go back to my
plough.
Wenever an Amerikin distinguished politishin
Begins to try et wut they call definin' his
posishin,
Wal, I, fer one, feel sure he aint gut nuthin' to
define;
It's so nine cases out o' ten, but jest that tenth is
mine;
An' 'taint no more 'n is proper 'n' right in sech a
sitooation
To hint the course you think 'll be the savin' o' the
nation;
To funk right out o' p'lit'cal strife aint thought to
be the thing,
Without you deacon off the toon you want your folks
should sing;
So I edvise the noomrous friends thet's in one boat
with me
To jest up killock, jam right down their hellum hard a
lee,
Haul the sheets taut, an', laying out upon the Suthun
tack,
Make fer the safest port they can, wich, I
think, is Ole Zack.
Next thing you'll want to know, I spose, wut argimunts
I seem
To see thet makes me think this ere'll be the strongest
team;
Fust place, I've ben consid'ble round in bar-rooms an'
saloons
Agethrin' public sentiment, 'mongst Demmercrats and
Coons,
An' 'taint ve'y offen thet I meet a chap but wut goes
in
Fer Rough an' Ready, fair an' square, hufs, taller,
horns, an' skin;
I don't deny but wut, fer one, ez fur ez I could
see,
I didn't like at fust the Pheladelphy
nomernee:
I could ha' pinted to a man thet wuz, I guess, a
peg
Higher than him,—a soger, tu, an' with a wooden
leg;
But every day with more an' more o' Taylor zeal I'm
burnin', s
Seein' wich way the tide thet sets to office is
aturnin';
Wy, into Bellers's we notched the votes down on three
sticks,—
'Twuz Birdofredum one, Cass aught, an'
Taylor twenty-six,
An' bein' the on'y canderdate thet wuz upon the
ground,
They said 'twuz no more'n right thet I should pay the
drinks all round;
Ef I'd expected sech a trick, I wouldn't ha' cut my
foot
By goin' an' votin' fer myself like a consumed
coot;
It didn't make no diff'rence, though; I wish I may be
cust,
Ef Bellers wuzn't slim enough to say he wouldn't
trust!
Another pint thet influences the minds o' sober
jedges
Is thet the Gin'ral hezn't gut tied hand an' foot with
pledges;
He hezn't told ye wut he is, an' so there aint no
knowin'
But wut he may turn out to be the best there is
agoin';
This, at the on'y spot thet pinched, the shoe directly
eases,
Coz every one is free to 'xpect percisely what he
pleases:
I want free-trade; you don't; the Gin'ral isn't bound
to neither;—
I vote my way; you, yourn; an' both air sooted to a T
there.
Ole Rough an' Ready, tu, 's a Wig, but without bein'
ultry
(He's like a holsome hayinday, thet's warm, but isn't
sultry);
He's jest wut I should call myself, a kin' o'
scratch, ez 'tware,
Thet ain't exacly all a wig nor wholly your own
hair;
I've ben a Wig three weeks myself, jest o' this
mod'rate sort,
An' don't find them an' Demmercrats so different ez I
thought;
They both act pooty much alike, an' push an' scrouge
an' cus;
They're like two pickpockets in league fer Uncle
Samwell's pus;
Each takes a side, an' then they squeeze the old man in
between 'em,
Turn all his pockets wrong side out an' quick ez
lightnin' clean 'em;
To nary one on 'em I'd trust a secon'-handed
rail
No furder off 'an I could sling a bullock by the
tail.
Webster sot matters right in thet air Mashfiel' speech
o' his'n;—
"Taylor," sez he, "aint nary ways the one thet I'd a
chizzen,
Nor he aint fittin' fer the place, an' like ez not he
aint
No more'n a tough ole bullethead, an' no gret of a
saint;
But then," sez he, "obsarve my pint, he's jest ez good
to vote fer
Ez though the greasin' on him worn't a thing to hire
Choate fer;
Aint it ez easy done to drop a ballot in a
box
Fer one ez 'tis fer t'other, fer the bulldog ez the
fox?"
It takes a mind like Dannel's, fact, ez big ez all
ou'doors,
To find out thet it looks like rain arter it fairly
pours;
I 'gree with him, it aint so dreffle troublesome to
vote
Fer Taylor arter all,—it's jest to go an' change
your coat;
Wen he's once greased, you'll swaller him an' never
know on't, scurce,
Unless he scratches, goin' down, with them 'ere
Gin'ral's spurs.
I've ben a votin' Demmercrat, ez reg'lar ez a
clock,
But don't find goin' Taylor gives my narves no gret 'f
a shock;
Truth is, the cutest leadin' Wigs, ever sence fust they
found
Wich side the bread gut buttered on, hev kep' a edgin'
round;
They kin' o' slipt the planks frum out th' ole platform
one by one
An' made it gradooally noo, 'fore folks know'd wut wuz
done,
Till, fur'z I know, there aint an inch thet I could lay
my han' on,
But I, or any Demmercrat, feels comf'table to stan'
on,
An' ole Wig doctrines act'lly look, their occ'pants
bein' gone,
Lonesome ez staddles on a mash without no hayricks
on.
I spose it's time now I should give my thoughts upon
the plan,
Thet chipped the shell at Buffalo, o' settin' up ole
Van.
I used to vote fer Martin, but, I swan, I'm clean
disgusted,—
He aint the man thet I can say is fittin' to be
trusted;
He aint half antislav'ry 'nough, nor I aint sure, ez
some be,
He'd go in fer abolishin' the Deestrick o'
Columby;
An', now I come to recollect, it kin' o' makes me
sick'z
A horse, to think o' wut he wuz in eighteen
thirty-six.
An' then, another thing;—I guess, though mebby I
am wrong,
This Buff'lo plaster aint agoin' to dror almighty
strong;
Some folks, I know, hev gut th' idee thet No'thun
dough'll rise,
Though, 'fore I see it riz an' baked, I wouldn't trust
my eyes;
'T will take more emptins, a long chalk, than this noo
party's gut,
To give sech heavy cakes ez them a start, I tell ye
wut.
But even ef they caird the day, there wouldn't be no
endurin'
To stan' upon a platform with sech critters ez Van
Buren;—
An' his son John, tu, I can't think how thet 'ere chap
should dare
To speak ez he doos; wy, they say he used to cuss an'
swear!
I spose he never read the hymn thet tells how down the
stairs
A feller with long legs wuz throwed thet wouldn't say
his prayers.
This brings me to another pint: the leaders o' the
party
Aint jest sech men ez I can act along with free an'
hearty;
They aint not quite respectable, an' wen a feller's
morrils
Don't toe the straightest kin' o' mark, wy, him an' me
jest quarrils.
I went to a free soil meetin' once, an' wut d' ye think
I see?
A feller was aspoutin' there thet act'lly come to
me,
About two year ago last spring, ez nigh ez I can
jedge,
An' axed me ef I didn't want to sign the Temprunce
pledge!
He's one o' them that goes about an' sez you hedn't
ough'ter
Drink nothin', mornin', noon, or night, stronger 'an
Taunton water.
There's one rule I've ben guided by, in settlin' how to
vote, ollers,—
I take the side thet isn't took by them
consarned teetotallers.
Ez fer the niggers, I've ben South, an' thet hez
changed my mind;
A lazier, more ongrateful set you couldn't nowers
find.
You know I mentioned in my last thet I should buy a
nigger,
Ef I could make a purchase at a pooty mod'rate
figger;
So, ez there's nothin' in the world I 'm fonder of 'an
gunnin',
I closed a bargin finally to take a feller
runnin'.
I shou'dered queen's-arm an' stumped out, an' wen I
come t' th' swamp,
'T worn't very long before I gut upon the nest o'
Pomp;
I come acrost a kin' o' hut, an', play in' round the
door,
Some little woolly-headed cubs, ez many 'z six or
more.
At fust I thought o' firin', but think twice is
safest ollers;
There aint, thinks I, not one on 'em but's wuth his
twenty dollars,
Or would be, ef I had 'em back into a Christian
land,—
How temptin' all on 'em would look upon an
auction-stand!
(Not but wut I hate Slavery in th' abstract,
stem to starn,—
I leave it ware our fathers did, a privit State
consarn.)
Soon'z they see me, they yelled an' run, but Pomp wuz
out ahoein'
A leetle patch o' corn he hed, or else there aint no
knowin'
He wouldn't ha' took a pop at me; but I had gut the
start,
An' wen he looked, I vow he groaned ez though he'd
broke his heart;
He done it like a wite man, tu, ez nat'ral ez a
pictur,
The imp'dunt, pis'nous hypocrite! wus'an a boy
constrictur.
"You can't gum me, I tell ye now, an' so you
needn't try,
I 'xpect my eye-teeth every mail, so jest shet up," sez
I.
"Don't go to actin' ugly now, or else I'll jest let
strip,
You'd best draw kindly, seein' 'z how I've gut ye on
the hip;
Besides, you darned ole fool, it aint no gret of a
disaster
To be benev'lently druv back to a contented
master,
Ware you hed Christian priv'ledges you don't seem quite
aware of,
Or you'd ha' never run away from bein' well took care
of;
Ez fer kin' treatment, wy, he wuz so fond on ye, he
sed
He'd give a fifty spot right out, to git ye, live or
dead;
Wite folks aint sot by half ez much; 'member I run
away,
Wen I wuz bound to Cap'n Jakes, to Mattysqumscot
bay;
Don't know him, likely? Spose not; wal, the mean ole
codger went
An' offered—wut reward, think? Wal, it worn't no
less'n a cent."
Wal, I jest gut 'em into line, an' druv 'em on afore
me,
The pis'nous brutes, I'd no idee o' the ill-will they
bore me;
We walked till som'ers about noon, an' then it grew so
hot
I thought it best to camp awile, so I chose out a
spot
Jest under a magnoly tree, an' there right down I
sot;
Then I unstrapped my wooden leg, coz it begun to
chafe,
An' laid it down 'long side o' me, supposin' all wuz
safe;
I made my darkies all set down around me in a
ring,
An' sot an' kin' o' ciphered up how much the lot would
bring;
But, wile I drinked the peaceful cup of a pure heart
an' mind,
(Mixed with some wiskey, now an' then,) Pomp he snaked
up behind,
An' creepin' grad'lly close tu, ez quiet ez a
mink,
Jest grabbed my leg, and then pulled foot, quicker 'an
you could wink,
An', come to look, they each on 'em hed gut behin' a
tree,
An' a poked out the leg a piece, jest so ez I could
see,
An' yelled to me to throw away my pistils an' my
gun,
Or else thet they'd cair off the leg, an' fairly cut
an' run.
I vow I didn't b'lieve there wuz a decent
alligatur
Thet hed a heart so destitoot o' common human
natur;
However, ez there worn't no help, I finally give
in
An' heft my arms away to git my leg safe back
agin.
Pomp gethered all the weapins up, an' then he come an'
grinned,
He showed his ivory some, I guess, an' sez, "You're
fairly pinned;
Jest buckle on your leg agin, an' git right up an
come,
'Twun't du fer fammerly men like me to be so long from
hum."
At fust I put my foot right down an' swore I wouldn't
budge.
"Jest ez you choose," sez he, quite cool, "either be
shot or trudge."
So this black-hearted monster took an' act'lly druv me
back
Along the very feetmarks o' my happy mornin'
track,
An' kep' me pris'ner 'bout six-months, an' worked me,
tu, like sin,
Till I hed gut his corn an' his Carliny taters
in;
He made me larn him readin', tu, (although the crittur
saw
How much it hut my morril sense to act agin the
law,)
So'st he could read a Bible he'd gut; an' axed ef I
could pint
The North Star out; but there I put his nose some out
o' jint,
Fer I weeled roun' about sou'west, an', lookin' up a
bit,
Picked out a middlin' shiny one an' tole him thet wuz
it.
Fin'lly, he took me to the door, an', givin' me a
kick,
Sez,—"Ef you know wut's best fer ye, be off, now,
double-quick;
The winter-time's a comin' on, an', though I gut ye
cheap,
You're so darned lazy, I don't think you're hardly wuth
your keep;
Besides, the childrin's growin' up, an' you aint jest
the model
I'd like to hev 'em immertate, an' so you'd better
toddle!"
Now is there any thin' on airth 'll ever prove to
me
Thet renegader slaves like him air fit fer bein'
free?
D'you think they'll suck me in to jine the Buff'lo
chaps, an' them
Rank infidels thet go agin the Scriptur'l cus o'
Shem?
Not by a jugfull! sooner 'n thet, I'd go thru fire an'
water;
Wen I hev once made up my mind, a meet'nhus aint
sotter;
No, not though all the crows thet flies to pick my
bones wuz cawin',—
I guess we're in a Christian land,—
Yourn,
Birdofredum Sawin.
[Here, patient reader, we take leave of each
other, I trust with some mutual satisfaction. I say patient, for
I love not that kind which skims dippingly over the surface of the page,
as swallows over a pool before rain. By such no pearls shall be
gathered. But if no pearls there be (as, indeed, the world is not
without example of books wherefrom the longest-winded diver shall bring
up no more than his proper handful of mud), yet let us hope that an
oyster or two may reward adequate perseverance. If neither pearls nor
oysters, yet is patience itself a gem worth diving deeply for.
It may seem to some that too much space has been
usurped by my own private lucubrations, and some may be fain to bring
against me that old jest of him who preached all his hearers out of the
meetinghouse save only the sexton, who, remaining for yet a little
space, from a sense of official duty, at last gave out also, and,
presenting the keys, humbly requested our preacher to lock the doors,
when he should have wholly relieved himself of his testimony. I confess
to a satisfaction in the self act of preaching, nor do I esteem a
discourse to be wholly thrown away even upon a sleeping or unintelligent
auditory. I cannot easily believe that the Gospel of Saint John, which
Jacques Cartier ordered to be read in the Latin tongue to the Canadian
savages, upon his first meeting with them, fell altogether upon stony
ground. For the earnestness of the preacher is a sermon appreciable by
dullest intellects and most alien ears. In this wise did Episcopius
convert many to his opinions, who yet understood not the language in
which he discoursed. The chief thing is that the messenger believe that
he has an authentic message to deliver. For counterfeit messengers that
mode of treatment which Father John de Plano Carpini relates to have
prevailed among the Tartars would seem effectual, and, perhaps, deserved
enough. For my own part, I may lay claim to so much of the spirit of
martyrdom as would have led me to go into banishment with those
clergymen whom Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal drave out of his kingdom
for refusing to shorten their public eloquence. It is possible, that,
having been invited into my brother Biglow's desk, I may have been too
little scrupulous in using it for the venting of my own peculiar
doctrines to a congregation drawn together in the expectation and with
the desire of hearing him.
I am not wholly unconscious of a peculiarity of
mental organization which impels me, like the railroad-engine with its
train of cars, to run backward for a short distance in order to obtain a
fairer start. I may compare myself to one fishing from the rocks when
the sea runs high, who, misinterpreting the suction of the undertow for
the biting of some larger fish, jerks suddenly, and finds that he has
caught bottom, hauling in upon the end of his line a trail of
various algæ, among which, nevertheless, the naturalist may haply
find something to repay the disappointment of the angler. Yet have I
conscientiously endeavored to adapt myself to the impatient temper of
the age, daily degenerating more and more from the high standard of our
pristine New England. To the catalogue of lost arts I would mournfully
add also that of listening to two-hour sermons. Surely we have been
abridged into a race of pigmies. For, truly, in those of the old
discourses yet subsisting to us in print, the endless spinal column of
divisions and subdivisions can be likened to nothing so exactly as to
the vertebræ of the saurians, whence the theorist may conjecture a race
of Anakim proportionate to the withstanding of these other monsters. I
say Anakim rather than Nephelim, because there seem reasons for
supposing that the race of those whose heads (though no giants) are
constantly enveloped in clouds (which that name imports) will never
become extinct. The attempt to vanquish the innumerable heads of
one of those aforementioned discourses may supply us with a plausible
interpretation of the second labor of Hercules, and his successful
experiment with fire affords us a useful precedent.
But while I lament the degeneracy of the age in
this regard, I cannot refuse to succumb to its influence. Looking out
through my study-window, I see Mr. Biglow at a distance busy in
gathering his Baldwins, of which, to judge by the number of barrels
lying about under the trees, his crop is more abundant than my
own,—by which sight I am admonished to turn to those orchards of
the mind wherein my labors may be more prospered, and apply myself
diligently to the preparation of my next Sabbath's
discourse.—H. W.]
GLOSSARY.
A.
Act'lly, actually.
Air, are.
Airth, earth.
Airy, area.
Aree, area.
Arter, after.
Ax, ask.
B.
Beller, bellow.
Bellowses, lungs.
Ben, been.
Bile, boil.
Bimeby, by and by.
Blurt out, to speak bluntly.
Bust, burst.
Buster, a roistering blade; used also as a
general superlative.
C.
Caird, carried.
Cairn, carrying.
Caleb, a turncoat.
Cal'late, calculate.
Cass, a person with two lives.
Close, clothes.
Cockerel, a young cock.
Cocktail, a kind of drink; also, an ornament
peculiar to soldiers.
Convention, a place where people are imposed on;
a juggler's show.
Coons, a cant term for a now defunct party;
derived, perhaps, from the fact of their being commonly up a
tree.
Cornwallis, a sort of muster in masquerade;
supposed to have had its origin soon after the Revolution, and to
commemorate the surrender of Lord Cornwallis. It took the place of the
old Guy Fawkes procession.
Crooked stick, a perverse, froward
person.
Cunnle, a colonel.
Cus, a curse; also, a pitiful
fellow.
D.
Darsn't, used indiscriminately, either in singular or
plural number, for dare not, dares not, and dared
not.
Deacon off, to give the cue to; derived from a
custom, once universal, but now extinct, in our New England
Congregational churches. An important part of the office of deacon was
to read aloud the hymns given out by the minister, one line at a
time, the congregation singing each line as soon as read.
Demmercrat, leadin', one in favor of extending
slavery; a free-trade lecturer maintained in the
custom-house.
Desput, desperate.
Doos, does.
Doughface, a contented lickspittle; a common
variety of Northern politician.
Dror, draw.
Du, do.
Dunno, dno, do not, or does not
know.
Dut, dirt.
E.
Eend, end.
Ef, if.
Emptins, yeast.
Env'y, envoy.
Everlasting, an intensive, without reference to
duration.
Ev'y, every.
Ez, as.
F.
Fence, On the, said of one who halts between two
opinions; a trimmer.
Fer, for.
Ferfle, ferful, fearful; also an
intensive.
Fin', find.
Fish-skin, used in New England to clarify
coffee.
Fix, a difficulty, a nonplus.
Foller, folly, to follow.
Forrerd, forward.
Frum, from.
Fur, far.
Furder, farther.
Furrer, furrow. Metaphorically, to draw a
straight furrow is to live uprightly or decorously.
Fust, first.
G.
Gin, gave.
Git, get.
Gret, great.
Grit, spirit, energy,
pluck.
Grout, to sulk.
Grouty, crabbed, surly.
Gum, to impose on.
Gump, a foolish fellow, a
dullard.
Gut, got.
H.
Hed, had.
Heern, heard.
Hellum, helm.
Hendy, handy.
Het, heated.
Hev, have.
Hez, has.
Holl, whole.
Holt, hold.
Huf, hoof.
Hull, whole.
Hum, home.
Humbug, General Taylor's antislavery.
Hut, hurt.
I.
Idno, I do not know.
In'my, enemy.
Insines, ensigns; used to designate both the
officer who carries the standard, and the standard itself.
Inter, intu, into.
J.
Jedge, judge.
Jest, just.
Jine, join.
Jint, joint.
Junk, a fragment of any solid
substance.
K.
Keer, care.
Kep', kept.
Killock, a small anchor.
Kin', kin' o, kinder, kind, kind
of.
L.
Lawth, loath.
Less, let's, let us.
Let daylight into, to shoot.
Let on, to hint, to confess, to
own.
Lick, to beat, to overcome.
Lights, the bowels.
Lily-pads, leaves of the water-lily.
Long-sweetening, molasses.
M.
Mash, marsh.
Mean, stingy, ill-natured.
Min', mind.
N.
Nimepunce, ninepence, twelve and a half
cents.
Nowers, nowhere.
O.
Offen, often.
Ole, old.
Ollers, olluz, always.
On, of; used before it or them, or
at the end of a sentence, as on't, on 'em, nut ez ever
I heerd on.
On'y, only.
Ossifer, officer (seldom heard).
P.
Peaked, pointed.
Peek, to peep.
Pickerel, the pike, a fish.
Pint, point.
Pocket full of rocks, plenty of money.
Pooty, pretty.
Pop'ler, conceited, popular.
Pus, purse.
Put out, troubled, vexed.
Q.
Quarter, a quarter-dollar.
Queen's arm, a musket.
R.
Resh, rush.
Revelee, the réveillé.
Rile, to trouble.
Riled, angry; disturbed, as the sediment
in any liquid.
Riz, risen.
Row, a long row to hoe, a difficult
task.
Rugged, robust.
S.
Sarse, abuse, impertinence.
Sartin, certain.
Saxton, sacristan, sexton.
Scaliest, worst.
Scringe, cringe.
Scrouge, to crowd.
Sech, such.
Set by, valued.
Shakes, great, of considerable
consequence.
Shappoes, chapeaux,
cocked-hats.
Sheer, share.
Shet, shut.
Shut, shirt.
Skeered, scared.
Skeeter, mosquito.
Skootin', running, or moving
swiftly.
Slarterin', slaughtering.
Slim, contemptible.
Snaked, crawled like a snake; but to snake
any one out is to track him to his hiding-place; to snake a thing
out is to snatch it out.
Soffles, sofas.
Sogerin', soldiering; a barbarous amusement
common among men in the savage state.
Som'ers, somewhere.
So'st, so as that.
Sot, set, obstinate,
resolute.
Spiles, spoils; objects of political
ambition.
Spry, active.
Staddles, stout stakes driven into the salt
marshes, on which the hay-ricks are set and thus raised out of the
reach of high tides.
Streaked, uncomfortable,
discomfited.
Suckle, circle.
Sutthin', something.
Suttin, certain.
T.
Take on, to sorrow.
Talents, talons.
Taters, potatoes.
Tell, till.
Tetch, touch.
Tetch tu, to be able; used always after a
negative in this sense.
Thru, through.
Thundering, a euphemism common in New England for the
profane English expression devilish. Perhaps derived from the
belief, common formerly, that thunder was caused by the Prince of the
Air, for some of whose accomplishments consult Cotton Mather.
Tollable, tolerable.
Toot, used derisively for playing on any wind
instrument.
Tu, to, too; commonly has this sound when
used emphatically, or at the end of a sentence. At other times it has
the sound of t in tough, as, Ware ye goin' tu? Goin' t'
Boston.
U.
Ugly, ill-tempered,
intractable.
Uncle Sam, United States; the largest boaster of
liberty and owner of slaves.
Unrizzest, applied to dough or bread; heavy,
most unrisen, or most incapable of rising.
V.
V-spot, a five-dollar bill.
Vally, value.
W.
Wake snakes, to get into trouble.
Wal, well; spoken with great deliberation, and
sometimes with the a very much flattened, sometimes (but more
seldom) very much broadened.
Wannut, walnut (hickory).
Ware, where.
Ware, were.
Whopper, an uncommonly large lie; as, that
General Taylor is in favor of the Wilmot Proviso.
Wig, Whig; a party now dissolved.
Wunt, will not.
Wus, worse.
Wut, what.
Wuth, worth; as, Antislavery perfessions
'fore 'lection aint wuth a Bungtown copper.
Wuz, was, sometimes were.
Y.
Yaller, yellow.
Yeller, yellow.
Yellers, a disease of peach-trees.
Z.
Zack, Ole, a second Washington, an antislavery
slaveholder, a humane buyer and seller of men and women, a Christian
hero generally.
INDEX.
- A.
- A. B., information wanted concerning, 427.
- Adam, eldest son of, respected, 393.
- Æneas goes to hell, 441.
- Æolus, a seller of money, as is supposed by some, 441.
- Æschylus, a saying of, 414,
note.
- Alligator, a decent one conjectured to be, in some sort, humane, 451.
- Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal, tyrannical act of, 453.
- Ambrose, Saint, excellent (but rationalistic) sentiment of, 406.
- "American Citizen," new compost so called, 442.
- American Eagle, a source of inspiration, 410
- hitherto wrongly classed, 414
- long bill of, ib.
- Amos, cited, 405.
- Anakim, that they formerly existed, shown, 453.
- Angels, providentially speak French, 400
- conjectured to be skilled in all tongues, ib.
- Anglo-Saxondom, its idea, what, 398.
- Anglo-Saxon mask, 399.
- Anglo-Saxon race, 396.
- Anglo-Saxon verse, by whom carried to perfection, 393.
- Antonius, a speech of, 408
- by whom best reported, ib.
- Apocalypse, beast in, magnetic to theologians, 431.
- Apollo, confessed mortal by his own oracle, 431.
- Apollyon, his tragedies popular, 426.
- Appian, an Alexandrian, not equal to Shakspeare as an orator, 408.
- Ararat, ignorance of foreign tongues is an, 415.
- Arcadian background, 443.
- Aristophanes, 405.
- Arms, profession of, once esteemed especially that of gentleman, 393.
- Arnold, 409.
- Ashland, 443.
- Astor, Jacob, a rich man, 436.
- Astraea, nineteenth century forsaken by, 442.
- Athenians, ancient, an institution of, 408.
- Atherton, Senator, envies the loon, 419.
- Austin, Saint, profane wish of, 409,
note.
- Aye-Aye, the, an African animal, America supposed to be settled by,
401.
- B.
- Babel, probably the first Congress, 415
- Baby, a low-priced one, 440.
- Bagowind, Hon. Mr., whether to be damned, 421.
- Baldwin apples, 454.
- Baratarias, real or imaginary, which most pleasant, 442.
- Barnum, a great natural curiosity recommended to, 413.
- Barrels, an inference from seeing, 454.
- Bâton Rouge, 443
- strange peculiarities of laborers at, ib.
- Baxter, R., a saying of, 406.
- Bay, Mattysqumscot, 450.
- Bay State, singular effect produced on military officers by leaving
it, 399.
- Beast in Apocalypse, a loadstone for whom, 431.
- Beelzebub, his rigadoon, 419.
- Behmen, his letters not letters, 427.
- Bellevs, a saloon-keeper, 446
- inhumanly refuses credit to a presidential candidate,
ib.
- Biglow, Ezekiel, his letter to Hon. J. T. Buckingham, 388
- never heard of any one named Mundishes, ib.
- nearly fourscore years old, ib.
- his aunt Keziah, a notable saying of, 389.
- Biglow, Hosea, excited by composition, 388
- a poem by, 389, 422
- his opinion of war, 390
- wanted at home by Nancy, 391
- recommends a forcible enlistment of warlike editors,
ib.
- would not wonder, if generally agreed with, ib.
- versifies letter of Mr. Sawin, 393
- a letter from, 394, 417
- his opinion of Mr. Sawin, 394
- does not deny fun at Cornwallis, 395,
note
- his idea of militia glory, 396,
note
- a pun of, 397, note
- is uncertain in regard to people of Boston, ib.
- had never heard of Mr. John P. Robinson, 401
- aliquid sufflaminandus, 402
- his poems attributed to a Mr. Lowell, 405
- is unskilled in Latin, 405
- his poetry maligned by some, ib.
- his disinterestedness, ib.
- his deep share in commonweal, 405
- his claim to the presidency, ib.
- his mowing, ib.
- resents being called Whig, 406
- opposed to tariff, ib.
- obstinate, ib.
- infected with peculiar notions, ib.
- reports a speech, 408
- emulates historians of antiquity, ib.
- his character sketched from a hostile point of view, 415
- a request of his complied with, 421
- appointed at a public meeting in Jaalam, 428
- confesses ignorance, in one minute particular, of propriety,
ib.
- his opinion of cocked hats, ib.
- letter to, ib.
- called "Dear Sir," by a general, ib.
- probably receives same compliment from two hundred and nine,
ib.
- picks his apples, 454
- his crop of Baldwins conjecturally large, ib.
- Billings, Dea. Cephas, 395.
- Birch, virtue of, in instilling certain of the dead languages, 441.
- Bird of our country sings hosanna, 396.
- Blind, to go it, 439.
- Blitz, pulls ribbons from his mouth, 396.
- Bluenose potatoes, smell of, eagerly desired, 396.
- Bobtail obtains a cardinal's hat, 401.
- Bolles, Mr. Secondary, author of prize peace essay, 396
- presents sword to Lieutenant Colonel, ib.
- a fluent orator, ib.
- found to be in error, 397.
- Bonaparte, N., a usurper, 431.
- Boot-trees, productive, where, 441.
- Boston, people of, supposed educated, 397,
note.
- Brahmins, navel-contemplating, 427.
- Bread-trees, 440.
- Brigadier Generals in militia, devotion of, 407.
- Brown, Mr., engages in an unequal contest, 421.
- Browne, Sir T., a pious and wise sentiment of, cited and commended,
394.
- Buckingham, Hon. J. T., editor of the Boston Courier, letters to, 388, 394, 402, 417
- Buffalo, a plan hatched there, 448
- plaster, a prophecy in regard to, ib.
- Buncombe, in the other world supposed, 408.
- Bung, the eternal, thought to be loose, 391.
- Bungtown Fencibles, dinner of, 401.
- Butter in Irish bogs, 440.
- C.
- C., General, commended for parts, 402
- for ubiquity, ib.
- for consistency, ib.
- for fidelity, ib.
- is in favor of war, ib.
- his curious valuation of principle, ib.
- Cæsar, tribute to, 424
- his veni, vidi, vici, censured for undue prolixity, 432.
- Cainites, sect of, supposed still extant, 393.
- Caleb, a monopoly of his denied, 395
- curious notions of, as to meaning of "shelter," 398
- his definition of Anglo-Saxon, ib.
- charges Mexicans (not with bayonets but) with improprieties,
ib.
- Calhoun, Hon. J. C., his cow-bell curfew, light of the nineteenth
century to be extinguished at sound of, 416
- cannot let go apron-string of the Past, 417
- his unsuccessful tilt at Spirit of the Age, ib.
- the Sir Kay of modern chivalry, ib.
- his anchor made of a crooked pin, 417
- mentioned, 417-420.
- Cambridge Platform, use discovered for, 400.
- Canary Islands, 441.
- Candidate, presidential, letter from, 428
- smells a rat, ib.
- against a bank, 429
- takes a revolving position, ib.
- opinion of pledges, ib.
- is a periwig, 430
- fronts south by north, ib.
- qualifications of, lessening, 432
- wooden leg (and head) useful to, 439.
- Cape Cod clergymen, what, 400
- Sabbath-breakers, perhaps, reproved by, ib.
- Carpini, Father John de Plano, among the Tartars, 453.
- Cartier, Jacques, commendable zeal of, 453.
- Cass, General, 418
- clearness of his merit, 419
- limited popularity at "Bellers's," 446.
- Castles, Spanish, comfortable accommodations in, 442.
- Cato, letters of, so-called, suspended naso adunco, 427.
- C. D., friends of, can hear of him, 427.
- Chalk egg, we are proud of incubation of, 427.
- Chappelow on Job, a copy of, lost, 421.
- Cherubusco, news of, its effects on English royalty, 414.
- Chesterfield, no letter-writer, 427.
- Chief Magistrate, dancing esteemed sinful by, 400.
- Children naturally speak Hebrew, 394.
- China-tree, 441.
- Chinese, whether they invented gunpowder before the Christian era
not considered, 401.
- Choate, hired, 447.
- Christ shuffled into Apocrypha, 401
- conjectured to disapprove of slaughter and pillage, 403
- condemns a certain piece of barbarism, 421.
- Christianity, profession of, plebeian, whether, 393.
- Christian soldiers, perhaps inconsistent, whether, 407.
- Cicero, an opinion of, disputed, 432.
- Cilley, Ensign, author of nefarious sentiment, 401.
- Cimex lectularius, 397.
- Cincinnatus, a stock character in modern comedy, 443.
- Civilization, progress of, an alias, 422
- rides upon a powder-cart, 429.
- Clergymen, their ill husbandry, 421
- their place in processions, 443
- some, cruelly banished for the soundness of their lungs, 453.
- Cocked-hat, advantages of being knocked into, 428.
- College of Cardinals, a strange one, 401.
- Colman, Dr. Benjamin, anecdote of, 407.
- Colored folks, curious national diversion of kicking, 398.
- Colquitt, a remark of, 419
- acquainted with some principles of aerostation, ib.
- Columbia, District of, its peculiar climatic effects, 410
- not certain that Martin is for abolishing it, 448.
- Columbus, a Paul Pry of genius, 427.
- Columby, 445.
- Complete Letter-Writer, fatal gift of, 431.
- Compostella, St. James of, seen, 399.
- Congress, singular consequence of getting into, 410.
- Congressional debates, found instructive, 416.
- Constituents, useful for what, 411.
- Constitution trampled on, 417
- to stand upon, what, 429.
- Convention, what, 410.
- Convention, Springfield, 410.
- Coon, old, pleasure in skinning, 418.
- Coppers, caste in picking up of, 437.
- Copres, a monk, his excellent method of arguing, 416.
- Cornwallis, a, 395
- acknowledged entertaining, ib., note.
- Cotton Mather, summoned as witness, 400.
- Country lawyers, sent providentially, 404.
- Country, our, its boundaries more exactly defined, 404
- right or wrong, nonsense about exposed, ib.
- Courier, The Boston, an unsafe print, 415.
- Court, General, farmers sometimes attain seats in, 444.
- Cowper, W., his letters commended, 427.
- Creed, a safe kind of, 439.
- Crusade, first American, 400.
- Cuneiform script recommended, 432.
- Curiosity distinguishes man from brutes, 426.
- D.
- Davis, Mr., of Mississippi, a remark of his, 418.
- Day and Martin, proverbially "on hand," 388.
- Death, rings down curtain, 426.
- Delphi, oracle of, surpassed, 414,
note
- Destiny, her account, 413.
- Devil, the, unskilled in certain Indian tongues, 400
- letters to and from, 428.
- Dey of Tripoli, 416.
- Didymus, a somewhat voluminous grammarian, 431.
- Dighton rock character might be usefully employed in some
emergencies, 432.
- Dimitry Bruisgins, fresh supply of, 426.
- Diogenes, his zeal for propagating certain variety of olive, 441.
- Dioscuri, imps of the pit, 400.
- District-Attorney, contemptible conduct of one, 416.
- Ditchwater on brain, a too common ailing, 416.
- Doctor, the, a proverbial saying of, 399.
- Doughface, yeast-proof, 424.
- Drayton, a martyr, 416
- north star, culpable for aiding, whether, 420.
- D. Y., letter of, 427.
- E.
- Earth, Dame, a peep at her housekeeping, 417.
- Eating words, habit of, convenient in time of famine, 413.
- Eavesdroppers, 427.
- Echetlæus, 400.
- Editor, his position, 421
- commanding pulpit of, 422
- large congregation of, ib.
- name derived from what, ib.
- fondness for mutton, ib.
- a pious one, his creed, ib.
- a showman, 425
- in danger of sudden arrest, without bail, 426.
- Editors, certain ones who crow like cockerels, 391.
- Egyptian darkness, phial of, use for, 432.
- Eldorado, Mr. Sawin sets sail for, 440.
- Elizabeth, Queen, mistake of her ambassador, 408.
- Empedocles, 427.
- Employment, regular, a good thing, 436.
- Epaulets, perhaps no badge of saintship, 403.
- Episcopius, his marvellous oratory, 453.
- Eric, king of Sweden, his cap, 441.
- Evangelists, iron ones, 400.
- Eyelids, a divine shield against authors, 416.
- Ezekiel, text taken from, 421.
- F.
- Factory-girls, expected rebellion of, 419.
- Family-trees, fruit of jejune, 441.
- Faneuil Hall, a place where persons tap themselves for a species of
hydrocephalus, 416
- a bill of fare mendaciously advertised in, 440.
- Father of country, his shoes, 444.
- Female Papists, cut off in midst of idolatry, 442.
- Fire, we all like to play with it, 417.
- Fish, emblematic, but disregarded, where, 416.
- Flam, President, untrustworthy, 411.
- Fly-leaves, providential increase of, 416.
- Foote, Mr., his taste for field-sports, 418.
- Fourier, a squinting toward, 415.
- Fourth of Julys, boiling, 409.
- France, a strange dance begun in, 419.
- Fuller, Dr. Thomas, a wise saying of, 402.
- Funnel, Old, hurraing in, 396.
- G.
- Gawain, Sir, his amusements, 417.
- Gay, S. H., Esquire, editor of National Antislavery Standard, letter
to, 426.
- Getting up early, 390, 398.
- Ghosts, some, presumed fidgetty (but see Stilling's Pneumatology),
427.
- Giants formerly stupid, 417.
- Gift of tongues, distressing case of, 415.
- Globe Theatre, cheap season ticket to, 426.
- Glory, a perquisite of officers, 437
- her account with B. Sawin, Esq., 440.
- Goatsnose, the celebrated, interview with, 432.
- Gomara, has a vision, 399
- his relationship to the Scarlet Woman, ib.
- Gray's letters are letters, 427.
- Great horn spoon, sworn by, 418.
- Greeks, ancient, whether they questioned candidates, 432.
- Green Man, sign of, 406.
- H.
- Ham, sandwich, an orthodox (but peculiar) one, 420.
- Hamlets, machine for making, 433.
- Hammon, 414, note, 431.
- Hannegan, Mr., something said by, 419.
- Harrison, General, how preserved, 431.
- Hat-trees, in full bearing, 441.
- Hawkins, Sir John, stout, something he saw, 440.
- Henry the Fourth of England, a Parliament of, how named, 408.
- Hercules, his second labor probably what, 454.
- Herodotus, story from, 394.
- Hesperides, an inference from, 441.
- Holden, Mr. Shearjashub, Preceptor of Jaalam Academy, 431
- his knowledge of Greek limited, ib.
- a heresy of his, ib.
- leaves a fund to propagate it, 432.
- Hollis, Ezra, goes to a Cornwallis, 395.
- Hollow, why men providentially so constructed, 409.
- Homer, a phrase of, cited, 422.
- Horners, democratic ones, plums left for, 411.
- Howell, James, Esq., story told by, 408
- letters of, commended, 427.
- Human rights out of order on the floor of Congress, 418.
- Humbug, ascription of praise to, 425
- generally believed in, ib.
- Husbandry, instance of bad, 402.
- I.
- Icarius, Penelope's father, 404.
- Infants, prattlings of, curious observation concerning, 393.
- Information wanted (universally, but especially at page) 427.
- J.
- Jaalam Centre, Anglo-Saxons unjustly suspected by the young ladies
there, 399
- "Independent Blunderbuss," strange conduct of editor of, 421
- public meeting at, 428
- meeting-house ornamented with imaginary clock, 441.
- Jaalam Point, light-house on, charge of prospectively offered to Mr.
H. Biglow, 430.
- Jakes, Captain, 450
- reproved for avarice, ib.
- James the Fourth of Scots, experiment by, 394.
- Jarnegin, Mr., his opinion of the completeness of Northern
education, 419.
- Jerome, Saint, his list of sacred writers, 427.
- Job, Book of, 393
- Johnson, Mr., communicates some intelligence, 419.
- Jonah, the inevitable destiny of, 420
- probably studied internal economy of the cetacea, 427.
- Jortin, Dr., cited, 407, 414, note.
- Judea, everything not known there, 404.
- Juvenal, a saying of, 413, note.
- K.
- Kay, Sir, the, of modern chivalry who, 417.
- Key, brazen one, 416.
- Keziah, Aunt, profound observation of, 389.
- Kinderhook, 443.
- Kingdom Come, march to, easy, 434.
- Königsmark, Count, 393.
- L.
- Lacedæmonians, banish a great talker, 416.
- Lamb, Charles, his epistolary excellence, 427.
- Latimer, Bishop, episcopizes Satan, 393.
- Latin tongue, curious information concerning, 405.
- Launcelot, Sir, a trusser of giants formerly, perhaps would find
less sport therein now, 417.
- Letters classed, 427
- their shape, 428
- of candidates, 431
- often fatal, ib.
- Lewis, Philip, a scourger of young native Americans, 414
- commiserated (though not deserving it), ib.,
note.
- Liberator, a newspaper, condemned by implication, 406.
- Liberty, unwholesome for men of certain complexions, 422.
- Lignum vitæ, a gift of this valuable wood proposed, 399.
- Longinus recommends swearing, 394,
note (Fuseli did same thing).
- Long sweetening recommended, 435.
- Lost arts, one sorrowfully added to list of, 453.
- Louis the Eleventh of France, some odd trees of his, 441.
- Lowell, Mr. J. R., unaccountable silence of, 405.
- Luther, Martin, his first appearance as Europa, 399.
- Lyttelton, Lord, his letters an imposition, 427.
- M.
- Macrobii, their diplomacy, 432.
- Mahomet, got nearer Sinai than some, 422.
- Mahound, his filthy gobbets, 400.
- Mangum, Mr., speaks to the point, 418.
- Manichæan, excellently confuted, 416.
- Man-trees, grew where, 441.
- Mares'-nests, finders of, benevolent, 427.
- Marshfield, 443, 447.
- Martin, Mr. Sawin used to vote for him, 448.
- Mason and Dixon's line, slaves north of, 418.
- Mass, the, its duty defined, 418.
- Massachusetts on her knees, 392
- something mentioned in connection with, worthy the attention of
tailors, 410
- citizen of, baked, boiled, and roasted (nefandum!), 438.
- Masses, the, used as butter by some, 411.
- M. C., an invertebrate animal, 413.
- Mechanics' Fair, reflections suggested at, 433.
- Mentor, letters of, dreary, 427.
- Mephistopheles at a nonplus, 420.
- Mexican blood, its effect in raising price of cloth, 442.
- Mexican polka, 400.
- Mexicans charged with various breaches of etiquette, 398
- kind feelings beaten into them, 425.
- Mexico, no glory in overcoming, 410.
- Military glory spoken disrespectfully of, 396, note
- militia treated still worse, ib.
- Milk-trees, growing still, 440.
- Mills for manufacturing gabble, how driven, 415.
- Milton, an unconscious plagiary, 409,
note
- a Latin verse of, cited, 422.
- Missions, a profitable kind of, 423.
- Monarch, a pagan, probably not favored in philosophical experiments,
394.
- Money-trees desirable, 441
- that they once existed shown to be variously probable,
ib.
- Montaigne, a communicative old Gascon, 427.
- Monterey, battle of, its singular chromatic effect on a species of
two-headed eagle, 414.
- Moses held up vainly as an example, 422
- construed by Joe Smith, ib.
- Myths, how to interpret readily, 432.
- N.
- Naboths, Popish ones, how distinguished, 401.
- Nation, rights of, proportionate to size, 398.
- National pudding, its effect on the organs of speech, a curious
physiological fact, 401.
- Nephelim, not yet extinct, 453.
- New England overpoweringly honored, 412
- wants no more speakers, ib.
- done brown by whom, ib.
- her experience in beans beyond Cicero's, 432.
- Newspaper, the, wonderful, 425
- a strolling theatre, ib.
- thoughts suggested by tearing wrapper of, 426
- a vacant sheet, ib.
- a sheet in which a vision was let down, ib.
- wrapper to a bar of soap, ib.
- a cheap impromptu platter, ib.
- New York, letters from, commended, 427.
- Next life, what, 421.
- Niggers, 390
- area of abusing, extended, 410
- Mr. Sawin's opinions of, 449.
- Ninepence a day low for murder, 395.
- No, a monosyllable, 401
- Noah, enclosed letter in bottle, probably, 427.
- Nornas, Lapland, what, 441.
- North, has no business, 419
- bristling, crowded off roost, 430.
- North Bend, geese inhumanly treated at, 431
- North star, a proposition to indict, 420.
- O.
- Off ox, 429.
- Officers, miraculous transformation in character of, 399
- Anglo-Saxon, come very near being anathematized, ib.
- O'Phace, Increase D., Esq., speech of, 408.
- Oracle of Fools, still respectfully consulted, 408.
- Orion, becomes commonplace, 426.
- Orrery, Lord, his letters (lord!), 427.
- Ostracism, curious species of, 408.
- P.
- Palestine, 399.
- Palfrey, Hon. J. G., 408, 412, 413 (a worthy
representative of Massachusetts).
- Pantagruel recommends a popular oracle, 408.
- Panurge, his interview with Goatsnose, 432.
- Papists, female, slain by zealous Protestant bomb-shell, 442.
- Paralipomenon, a man suspected of being, 431.
- Paris, liberal principles safe as far away as, 422.
- Parliamentum Indoctorum sitting in permanence, 408.
- Past, the, a good nurse, 417.
- Patience, sister, quoted, 396.
- Paynims, their throats propagandistically cut, 400.
- Penelope, her wise choice, 404.
- People, soft enough, 423
- Pepin, King, 428.
- Periwig, 430.
- Persius, a pithy saying of, 411,
note.
- Pescara, Marquis, saying of, 393.
- Peter, Saint, a letter of (post-mortem), 428.
- Pharisees, opprobriously referred to, 422.
- Philippe, Louis, in pea-jacket, 425.
- Phlegyas, quoted, 421.
- Phrygian language, whether Adam spoke it, 394.
- Pilgrims, the, 410.
- Pillows, constitutional, 413.
- Pinto, Mr., some letters of his commended, 428.
- Pisgah, an impromptu one, 441.
- Platform, party, a convenient one, 439.
- Plato, supped with, 427
- Pleiades, the, not enough esteemed, 426.
- Pliny, his letters not admired, 427.
- Plotinus, a story of, 417.
- Plymouth Rock, Old, a Convention wrecked on, 410.
- Point Tribulation, Mr. Sawin wrecked on, 440.
- Poles, exile, whether crop of beans depends on, 397, note.
- Polk, President, synonymous with our country, 403
- censured, 410
- in danger of being crushed, 411.
- Polka, Mexican, 400.
- Pomp, a runaway slave, his nest, 450
- hypocritically groans like white man, ib.
- blind to Christian privileges, ib.
- his society valued at fifty dollars, ib.
- his treachery, 451
- takes Mr. Sawin prisoner, 452
- cruelly makes him work, ib.
- puts himself illegally under his tuition, ib.
- dismisses him with contumelious epithets, ib.
- Pontifical bull, a tamed one, 399.
- Pope, his verse excellent, 393.
- Pork, refractory in boiling, 399.
- Portugal, Alphonso the Sixth of, a monster, 453.
- Post, Boston 174,
- shaken visibly, 405
- bad guide-post, ib.
- too swift, ib.
- edited by a colonel, ib.
- who is presumed officially in Mexico, ib.
- referred to, 415.
- Pot-hooks, death in, 432.
- Preacher, an ornamental symbol, 421
- a breeder of dogmas, ib.
- earnestness of, important, 453.
- Present, considered as an annalist, 422
- President, slaveholding natural to, 424
- must be a Southern resident, 439
- must own a nigger, ib.
- Principle, exposure spoils it, 409.
- Principles, bad, when less harmful, 401.
- Prophecy, a notable one, 414.
- Proviso, bitterly spoken of, 429.
- Prudence, sister, her idiosyncratic teapot, 436.
- Psammeticus, an experiment of, 394.
- Public opinion, a blind and drunken guide, 401
- nudges Mr. Wilbur's elbow, ib.
- ticklers of, 411.
- Pythagoras a bean-hater, why, 432.
- Pythagoreans, fish reverenced by, why, 416.
- R.
- Rag, one of sacred college, 401.
- Rantoul, Mr., talks loudly, 396
- pious reason for not enlisting, ib.
- Recruiting sergeant, Devil supposed the first, 393.
- Representatives' Chamber, 416.
- Rhinothism, society for promoting, 427.
- Rhyme, whether natural not considered, 393.
- Rib, an infrangible one, 435.
- Richard the First of England, his Christian fervor, 399.
- Riches conjectured to have legs as well as wings, 420.
- Robinson, Mr. John P., his opinions fully stated, 402-404.
- Rocks, pocket full of, 436.
- Rough and Ready, 446
- a wig, 447
- a kind of scratch, ib.
- Russian eagle turns Prussian blue, 414.
- S.
- Sabbath, breach of, 400.
- Sabellianism, one accused of, 431.
- Saltillo, unfavorable view of, 396.
- Salt-river, in Mexican, what, 396.
- Samuel, Uncle, riotous, 414
- yet has qualities demanding reverence, 423
- a good provider for his family, ib.
- an exorbitant bill of, 442.
- Sansculottes, draw their wine before drinking, 419.
- Santa Anna, his expensive leg, 438.
- Satan, never wants attorneys, 400
- an expert talker by signs, ib.
- a successful fisherman with little or no bait, ib.
- cunning fetch of, 402
- dislikes ridicule, 405
- ought not to have credit of ancient oracles, 414, note.
- Satirist, incident to certain dangers, 401.
- Savages, Canadian, chance of redemption offered to, 453.
- Sawin, B., Esquire, his letter not written in verse, 393
- a native of Jaalam, 394
- not regular attendant on Rev. Mr. Wilbur's preaching,
ib.
- a fool, ib.
- his statements trustworthy, ib.
- his ornithological tastes, ib.
- letter from, ib., 433, 443
- his curious discovery in regard to bayonets, 395, 396
- displays proper family pride, 395
- modestly confesses himself less wise than the Queen of Sheba, 398
- the old Adam in, peeps out, 399
- a miles emeritus, 433
- is made text for a sermon, ib.
- loses a leg, 434
- an eye, ib.
- left hand, ib.
- four fingers of right hand, ib.
- has six or more ribs broken, ib.
- a rib. of his infrangible, ib.
- allows a certain amount of preterite greenness in himself, 435, 436
- his share of spoil limited, 436
- his opinion of Mexican climate, ib.
- acquires property of a certain sort, ib.
- his experience of glory, 437
- stands sentry, and puns thereupon, 438
- undergoes martyrdom in some of its most painful forms,
ib.
- enters the candidating business, ib.
- modestly states the (avail) abilities which qualify him for high
political station, 438-440
- has no principles, 438
- a peace man, ib.
- unpledged, ib.
- has no objections to owning peculiar property, but would
not like to monopolize the truth, 439
- his account with glory, 440
- a selfish motive hinted in, ib.
- sails for Eldorado, ib.
- shipwrecked on a metaphorical promontory, ib.
- parallel between, and Rev. Mr. Wilbur (not Plutarchian), 442
- conjectured to have bathed in river Selemnus, 443
- loves plough wisely, but not too well, ib.
- a foreign mission probably expected by, 444
- unanimously nominated for presidency, ib.
- his country's father-in-law, ib.
- nobly emulates Cincinnatus, 445
- is not a crooked stick, ib.
- advises his adherents, ib.
- views of, on present state of politics, 445-449
- popular enthusiasm for, at Bellers's, and its disagreeable
consequences, 446
- inhuman treatment of, by Bellers, ib.
- his opinion of the two parties, 447
- agrees with Mr. Webster, 448
- his antislavery zeal, ib.
- his proper self-respect, ib.
- his unaffected piety, ib.
- his not intemperate temperance, 449
- a thrilling adventure of, 449-452
- his prudence and economy, 450
- bound to Captain Jakes, but regains his freedom, ib.
- is taken prisoner, 451, 452
- ignominiously treated, 452
- his consequent resolution, ib.
- Sayres, a martyr, 416.
- Scaliger, saying of, 402.
- Scarabæus pilularius, 397.
- Scott, General, his claims to the presidency, 405, 407.
- Scythians, their diplomacy commended, 432.
- Seamen, colored, sold, 392.
- Selemnus, a sort of Lethean river, 443.
- Senate, debate in, made readable, 416.
- Seneca, saying of, 401
- another, 414, note
- overrated by a saint (but see Lord Bolingbroke's opinion of, in a
letter to Dean Swift), 427
- his letters not commended, ib.
- a son of Rev. Mr. Wilbur, 442.
- Serbonian bog of literature, 416.
- Sextons, demand for, 396
- heroic official devotion of one, 453.
- Shaking fever, considered as an employer, 436.
- Shakspeare, a good reporter, 408.
- Sham, President, honest, 411.
- Sheba, Queen of, 398.
- Sheep, none of Rev. Mr. Wilbur's turned wolves, 394.
- Shem, Scriptural curse of, 452.
- Show, natural to love it, 396,
note.
- Silver spoon born in Democracy's mouth, what, 411.
- Sinai, suffers outrages, 422.
- Sin, wilderness of, modern, what, 422.
- Skin, hole in, strange taste of some for, 437.
- Slaughter, whether God strengthen us for, 400.
- Slaughterers and soldiers compared, 443.
- Slaughtering nowadays is slaughtering, 443.
- Slavery, of no color, 391
- cornerstone of liberty, 415
- also keystone, 418
- last crumb of Eden, 420
- a Jonah, ib.
- an institution, 431
- a private State concern, 450.
- Smith, Joe, used as a translation, 422.
- Smith, John, an interesting character, 426.
- Smith, Mr., fears entertained for, 421
- Smith, N. B., his magnanimity, 425.
- Soandso, Mr., the great, defines his position, 425.
- Sol the fisherman, 397
- soundness of respiratory organs hypothetically attributed to,
ib.
- Solon, a saying of, 401.
- South Carolina, futile attempt to anchor, 417.
- Spanish, to walk, what, 398.
- Speech-making, an abuse of gift of speech, 415.
- Star, north, subject to indictment, whether, 420.
- Store, cheap cash, a wicked fraud, 441.
- Strong, Governor Caleb, a patriot, 404.
- Swearing commended as a figure of speech, 394, note.
- Swift, Dean, threadbare saying of, 405.
- T.
- Tag, elevated to the Cardinalate, 401.
- Taxes, direct, advantages of, 442.
- Taylor zeal, its origin, 446
- General, greased by Mr. Choate, 448.
- Tesephone, banished for long-windedness, 416.
- Thanks, get lodged, 437.
- Thaumaturgus, St. Gregory, letter of, to the Devil, 428.
- Thirty-nine articles might be made serviceable, 400.
- Thor, a foolish attempt of, 417.
- Thumb, General Thomas, a valuable member of society, 413.
- Thunder, supposed in easy circumstances, 435.
- Thynne, Mr., murdered, 393.
- Time, an innocent personage to swear by, 394
- Toms, Peeping, 426.
- Trees, various kinds of extraordinary ones, 440, 441.
- Trowbridge, William, mariner, adventure of, 400.
- Truth and falsehood start from same point, 402
- truth invulnerable to satire, ib.
- compared to a river, 408
- of fiction sometimes truer than fact, ib.
- told plainly, passim.
- Tuileries, exciting scene at, 414.
- Tully, a saying of, 409, note.
- Tweedledee, gospel according to, 422.
- Tweedledum, great principles of, 422.
- U.
- Ulysses, husband of Penelope, 404
- borrows money, 441.
- (For full particulars of, see Homer and Dante.)
- University, triennial catalogue of, 406.
- V.
- Van Buren fails of gaining Mr. Sawin's confidence, 448
- his son John reproved, ib.
- Van, Old, plan to set up, 449.
- Venetians, invented something once, 441.
- Vices, cardinal, sacred conclave of, 401.
- Victoria, Queen, her natural terror, 414.
- Virgin, the, letter of, to Magistrates of Messina, 428.
- Vratz, Captain, a Pomeranian, singular views of, 393.
- W.
- Walpole, Horace, classed, 427
- Waltham Plain, Cornwallis at, 395.
- Walton, punctilious in his intercourse with fishes, 400.
- War, abstract, horrid, 429
- its hoppers, grist of, what, 437.
- Warton, Thomas, a story of, 407.
- Washington, charge brought against, 445.
- Washington, city of, climatic influence of, on coats, 410
- mentioned, 416
- grand jury of, 420.
- Washingtons, two hatched at a time by improved machine, 444.
- Water, Taunton, proverbially weak, 449.
- Water-trees, 440.
- Webster, some sentiments of, commended by Mr. Sawin, 447, 448.
- Westcott, Mr., his horror, 420.
- Whig party, has a large throat, 406
- but query as to swallowing spurs, 448.
- White-house, 430.
- Wife-trees, 441.
- Wilbur, Rev. Homer, A. M., consulted, 388
- his instructions to his flock, 394
- a proposition of his for Protestant bomb-shells, 400
- his elbow nudged, 401
- his notions of satire, ib.
- some opinions of his quoted with apparent approval by Mr. Biglow,
403
- geographical speculations of, 404
- a justice of the peace, ib.
- a letter of, ib.
- a Latin pun of, 405
- runs against a post without injury, ib.
- does not seek notoriety (whatever some malignants may affirm), 406
- fits youths for college, ib.
- a chaplain during late war with England, 407
- a shrewd observation of, 408
- some curious speculations of, 415-416
- his martillo-tower, 415
- forgets he is not in pulpit, 420, 433
- extracts from sermon of, 421, 425
- interested in John Smith, 426
- his iews concerning present state of letters, 426-428
- a stratagem of, 431
- ventures two hundred and fourth interpretation of Beast in
Apocalypse, 431
- christens Hon. B. Sawin, then an infant, 433
- an addition to our sylva proposed by, 441
- curious and instructive adventure of, 441-442
- his account with an unnatural uncle, 442
- his uncomfortable imagination, 443
- speculations concerning Cincinnatus, ib.
- confesses digressive tendency of mind, 453
- goes to work on sermon (not without fear that his readers will dub
him with a reproachful epithet like that with which Isaac Allerton, a
Mayflower man, revenges himself on a delinquent debtor of his, calling
him in his will, and thus holding him up to posterity, as "John
Peterson, The Bore"), 454.
- Wilbur, Mrs., an invariable rule of, 406
- Wildbore, a vernacular one, how to escape, 415.
- Wind, the, a good Samaritan, 433.
- Wooden leg, remarkable for sobriety, 434
- Wright, Colonel, providentially rescued, 397.
- Wrong, abstract, safe to oppose, 411.