οὐδ᾽ ὡς Ὀδυσσεὺς ἐπέσχε τὴν Εὐρύκλειαν ἐκπεπληγμένην ὑπὸ μεγέθους τοῦ κατορθώματος,

(or how Odysseus checked Eurycleia when she was stricken with amazement by the greatness of his success,)

τὰς δὲ δὴ Τρῳάδας οὔτι πρὸς τὸν Πρίαμον ἤ τινα τῶν τούτου θυγατέρων ἢ υἱέων, οὐ μὴν οὐδ᾽ αὐτὸν τὸν Ἔκτορα· [345] καίτοι τούτῳ φησὶν ὡς θεῷ τοὺς Τρῶας εὔχεσθαι· εὐχομένας δὲ οὐκ ἔδειξεν ἐν τῇ ποιήσει οὔτε γυναῖκας οὔτε ἄνδρας, ἀλλὰ τῇ Ἀθηνᾷ ὀλολυγῇ πᾶσαι, φησί, χεῖρας ἀνέσχον, βαρβαρικὸν μὲν καὶ τοῦτο καὶ γυναιξὶ πρέπον, οὐ μὴν ἀνόσιον πρὸς τοὺς θεοὺς ὥσπερ τὸ παρ᾽ ὑμῶν ποιούμενον. ἐπαινεῖτε γὰρ ἀντὶ τῶν θεῶν τοὺς ἀνθρώπους, [B] μᾶλλον δὲ ἀντὶ τῶν θεῶν τοὺς ἀνθρώπους ἡμᾶς κολακεύετε. κάλλιστον δ᾽ ἔστιν οἶμαι μηδ᾽ ἐκείνους κολακεύειν, ἀλλὰ θεραπεύειν σωφρόνως.”

(“ ‘And again, Homer did not show us the Trojan women praying to Priam or to any one of his daughters or sons, nay not even to Hector himself (though he does indeed say that the men of Troy were wont to pray to Hector as to a god); but in his poems he did not show us either women or men in the act of prayer to him, but he says that to Athene all the women lifted up their hands with a loud cry,707 which was in itself a barbaric thing to do and suitable only for women, but at any rate it displayed no impiety to the gods as does your conduct. For you applaud men instead of the gods, or rather instead of the gods you flatter me who am a mere man. But it would be best, I think, not to flatter even the gods but to worship them with temperate hearts.’ ”)

Ἰδού, πάλιν ἐγὼ τὰ συνήθη τεχνιτεύω λεξείδια καὶ οὐδ᾽ ἐμαυτῷ συγχωρῶ φθέγγεσθαι ὡς ἔτυχεν ἀδεῶς καὶ ἐλευθέρως, ἀλλὰ ὑπὸ τῆς συνήθους σκαιότητος καὶ ἐμαυτὸν συκοφαντῶ. ταῦτά τις καὶ τοιαῦτ᾽ ἂν λέγοι πρὸς ἄνδρας οὐ τὰ πρὸς τοὺς ἄρχοντας μόνον, [C] ἀλλὰ καὶ τὰ πρὸς τοὺς θεοὺς ἐλευθέρους εἶναι θέλοντας, ὅπως τις εὔνους [pg 442] αὐτοῖς ὥσπερ πατὴρ ἤπιος νομισθείη, φύσει πονηρὸς ὢν ὥσπερ ἐγώ. ἀνέχου τοίνυν αὐτῶν μισούντων καὶ λοιδορούντων λάθρᾳ ἢ καὶ φανερῶς, ἐπειδὴ κολακεύειν ἐνόμισας τοὺς ἐν τοῖς ἱεροῖς ὁρμῇ μιᾷ708 σε ἐπαινοῦντας. οὐ γὰρ οἶμαι διενοήθης ὅπως ἁρμόσει τῶν ἀνδρῶν οὔτε τοῖς ἐπιτηδεύμασιν οὔτε τοῖς βίοις οὔτε τοῖς ἤθεσιν. εἶεν. ἀλλ᾽ ἐκεῖνο τίς ἀνέξεταί σου; καθεύδεις ὡς ἐπίπαν νύκτωρ μόνος οὐδ᾽ ἔστιν οὐδέν, [D] ὅ σου τὸν ἄγριον καὶ ἀνήμερον μαλάξει θυμόν· ἀποκέκλεισται δὲ πάσῃ πανταχοῦ πάροδος γλυκυθυμίᾳ· καὶ τὸ μέγιστον τῶν κακῶν, ὅτι τοιοῦτον ζῶν βίον εὐφραίνῃ καὶ πεποίησαι τὰς κοινὰς κατάρας ἡδονήν. εἶτα ἀγανακτεῖς, εἴ του τὰ τοιαῦτα ἀκοίεις; ἐξὸν εἰδέναι χάριν τοῖς ὑπ᾽ εὐνοίας ἐμμελέστερόν σε νουθετοῦσιν ἐν τοῖς ἀναπαίστοις ἀποψιλῶσαι μὲν τὰς παρειάς, καλὰ δὲ ἀπὸ σαυτοῦ πρῶτον ἀρξάμενον δεικνύειν πάντα τῷ δήμῳ τῷ φιλογέλωτι τῷδε θεάματα, [346] μίμους, ὀρχηστάς, ἥκιστα αἰσχυνομένας γυναῖκας, παιδάρια περὶ κάλλους ἁμιλλώμενα ταῖς γυναιξίν, ἄνδρας ἀπεψιλωμένους οὔτι τὰς γνάθους μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ ἅπαν τὸ σῶμα, λειότεροι τῶν γυναικῶν ὅπως φαίνοιντο τοῖς ἐντυγχάνουσιν, ἑορτάς, πανηγύρεις, οὔτι μὰ Δία τὰς ἱεράς, ἐν αἷς χρὴ σωφρονεῖν· ἅλις μὲν γὰρ ἐκείνων ἐστίν, ὥσπερ τῆς [pg 444] δρυός, [B] καὶ πολὺς ὁ κόρος αὐτῶν. ἔθυσεν ὁ καῖσαρ ἐν τῷ τοῦ Διὸς ἅπαξ, εἶτα ἐν τῷ τῆς Τύχης, εἰς τὸ τῆς Δήμητρος τρὶς ἐφεξῆς ἐβάδισεν· ἐπιλέλησμαι γὰρ εἰς τὸ τῆς Δάφνης ὁσάκις εἰσῆλθον πέμενος, προδοθὲν μὲν ὀλιγωρίᾳ τῶν φυλάκων, ταῖς δὲ τῶν ἀθέων ἀνδρῶν τόλμαις ἀφανισθέν. ἡ Σύρων ἥκει νουμηνία, καὶ ὁ καῖσαρ αὖθις εἰς Φιλίου Διός· εἶτα ἡ πάγκοινος ἑορτή, καὶ ὁ καῖσαρ εἰς τὸ τῆς [C] Τύχης ἔρχεται τέμενοσ. ἐπισχὼν δὲ τὴν ἀποφράδα πάλιν ἐς Φιλίου Διὸς τὰς εὐχὰς ἀναλαμβάνει κατὰ τὰ πάτρια. καὶ τίς ἀνέξεται τοσαυτάκις εἰς ἱερὰ φοιτῶντος καίσαρος, ἐξὸν ἅπαξ ἢ δὶς ἐνοχλεῖν τοῖς θεοῖς, ἐπιτελεῖν δὲ τὰς πανηγύρεις ἐκείνας, ὁπόσαι κοιναὶ μέν εἰσι παντὶ τῷ δήμῳ καὶ ὧν ἔξεστι μετέχειν οὐ τοῖς ἐπισταμένοις μόνον θεούς,709 ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῖς ὦν710 ἐστιν ἡ πόλις πλήρης; ἡδονὴ δὲ πολλὴ καὶ χάριτες, ὁποίας ἄν τις εὐφραίνοιτο διηνεκῶς καρπούμενος, [D] ὁρῶν ὀρχουμένους ἄνδρας καὶ παιδάρια καὶ γύναια πολλά.

(See there I am again, busy with my usual phrase-making! I do not even allow myself to speak out at random fearlessly and freely, but with my usual awkwardness I am laying information against myself. It is thus and in words like these that one ought to address men who want to be free not only with respect to those who govern them but to the gods also, in order that one may be considered well-disposed towards them, “like an indulgent father,”711 even though one is by nature an ill-conditioned person like myself: “Bear with them then, when they hate and abuse you in secret or even openly, since you thought that those who applauded you with one accord in the temples were only flattering you. For surely you did not suppose that you would be in harmony with the pursuits or the lives or the temperaments of these men. I grant that. But who will bear with this other habit of yours? You always sleep alone at night, and there is no way of softening your savage and uncivilised temper—since all avenues are closed to anything that might sweeten your disposition,—and the worst of all these evils is that you delight in living that sort of life and have laid pleasure under a general ban. Then can you feel aggrieved if you hear yourself spoken of in such terms? No, you ought to feel grateful to those who out of kindness of heart admonish you wittily in anapaestic verse to shave your cheeks smooth, and then, beginning with yourself, first to show to this laughter-loving people all sorts of fine spectacles, mimes, dancers, shameless women, boys who in their beauty emulate women, and men who have not only their jaws shaved smooth but their whole bodies too, so that those who meet them may think them smoother than women; yes and feasts too and general festivals, not, by Zeus, the sacred ones at which one is bound to behave with sobriety. No, we have had enough of those, like the oak tree in the proverb;712 we are completely surfeited with them. The Emperor sacrificed once in the temple of Zeus, then in the temple of Fortune; he visited the temple of Demeter three times in succession.” (I have in fact forgotten how many times I entered the shrine of Daphne, which had been first abandoned owing to the carelessness of its guardians, and then destroyed by the audacious acts of godless men.713) “The Syrian New Year arrived, and again the Emperor went to the temple of Zeus the Friendly One. Then came the general festival, and the Emperor went to the shrine of Fortune. Then, after refraining on the forbidden day,714 again he goes to the temple of Zeus the Friendly One, and offers up prayers according to the custom of our ancestors. Now who could put up with an Emperor who goes to the temples so often, when it is in his power to disturb the gods only once or twice, and to celebrate the general festivals which are for all the people in common, those in which not only men whose profession it is to have knowledge of the gods can take part, but also the people who have crowded into the city? For pleasure is here in abundance, and delights whose fruits one could enjoy continuously; for instance the sight of men and pretty boys dancing, and any number of charming women.”)

Ὅταν οὖν ταῦτα λογίσωμαι, μακαρίζω μὲν ὑμᾶς τῆς εὐδαιμονίας, ἐμαυτῷ δὲ οὐκ ἄχθομαι· [pg 446] φίλα γάρ ἐστί μοι κατά τινα θεὸν ἴσως ταῦτα. διόπερ οὐδ᾽ ἀγανακτῶ, εὖ ἴστε, τοῖς δυσχεραίνουσί μου τῷ βίῳ καὶ τῇ προαιρέσει. προστίθημι δ᾽ αὐτὸς ὅσα δυνατόν ἐστί μοι τοῖς εἰς ἐμαυτὸν σκώμμασι μειζόνως ἐπικαταχέων ἐμαυτοῦ ταυτασὶ τὰς λοιδορίας, [347] ὃς ὑπὸ ἀφροσύνης οὐ συνὴκα, ποταπὸν ἐξ ἀρχῆς τὸ τῆσδε τῆς πόλεως ἦθος, καὶ ταῦτα τῶν ἡλικιωτῶν τῶν ἐμῶν, ὡς ἐμαυτὸν πείθω, βιβλία ἀνελίξας οὐδενὸς ἀριθμὸν ἐλάττω. λέγεταί τοί ποτε τὸν ἐπώνυμον τῆσδε τῆς πόλεως βασιλέα, μᾶλλον δὲ οὗπερ ἐπώνυμος ἥδε ἡ πόλις συνῳκίσθη· πεπόλισται715 μὲν γὰρ ὑπὸ Σελεύκου, τοὔνομα δὲ ἔχει ἀπὸ τοῦ Σελεύκου παιδός· ὃν δή φασι δι᾽ ὑπερβολὴν ἁβρότητος [B] καὶ τρυφῆς ἐρῶντα ἀεὶ καὶ ἐρώμενον τέλος ἄδικον ἔρωτα τῆς ἑαυτοῦ μητρυιᾶς ἐρασθῆναι· κρύπτειν δ᾽ ἐθέλοντα τὸ πάθος οὐ δύνασθαι, τὸ σῶμα δ᾽ αὐτῷ κατὰ μικρὸν τηκόμενον ἀφανῶς οἴχεσθαι, καὶ ὑπορρεῖν τὰς δυνάμεις, καὶ τὸ πνεῦμα ἔλαττον εἶναι τοῦ συνήθους. ἐῴκει δ᾽ οἶμαι τὰ716 κατ᾽ αὐτὸν αἰνίγματι, σαφῆ μὲν οὐκ ἐχούσης αἰτίαν τῆς νόσου, μᾶλλον δὲ οὐδ᾽ αὐτῆς, [C] ἥτις ποτέ ἐστι, φαινομένης, ἐναργοῦς δ᾽ οὔσης τῆς περὶ τὸ μειράκιον ἀσθηνίεας. ἐνθάδε μέγας ἆθλος ἰατρῷ προυτέθη τῷ Σαμίῳ τὴν νόσον, ἥτις ποτέ ἐστιν, ἐξευρεῖν. ὁ δὲ ὑπονοήσας ἐκ τῶν Ὁμήρου, τίνες ποτέ εἰσιν [pg 448] αἱ γυιοβόροι μελεδῶναι, καὶ ὅτι πολλάκις οὐκ ἀσθένεια σώματος, ἀλλ᾽ ἀρροστία ψυχῆς αἰτία γίγνεται τηκεδόνος τῷ σώματι, καὶ τὸ μειράκιον ὁρῶν ὑπό τε ἡλικίας καὶ συνηθείας οὐκ ἀναφρόδιτον, ὁδὸν ἐτράπετο τοιαύτην ἐπὶ τὴν τοῦ νοσήματος θήραν. [D] καθίζει πλησίον τῆς κλίνης ἀφορῶν εἰς τὸ πρόσωπον τοῦ μειρακίου, παριέναι κελεύσας καλούς τε καὶ καλὰς ἀπὸ τῆς βασιλίδος ἀρξαμένους. ἡ δ᾽ ὡς ἦλθεν, ἐπισκεψομένη δῆθεν αὐτόν, αὐτίκα ἐδίδου τὰ συνθήματα τοῦ πάθους ὁ νεανίας, ἆσθμα τῶν θλιβομένον ἠφίει, ἐπέχειν γὰρ αὐτὸ κινούμενον καίπερ σφόδρα ἐθέλων οὐχ οἷός τε ἦν, καὶ ταραχὴ ἦν τοῦ πνεύματος καὶ πολὺ περὶ τὸ πρόσωπον ἐρύθημα. [348] ταῦτα ὁρῶν ὁ ἰατρὸς προσάγει τῷ στέρνῳ τὴν χεῖρα, καὶ ἐπήδα δεινῶς ἡ καρδία καὶ ἔξω ἵετο. τοιαῦτα ἄττα ἔπασχεν ἐκείνης παρούσης· ἐπεὶ δὲ ἀπῆλθεν, ἐπιόντων ἄλλων, ἀτρέμας εἶχε καὶ ἦν ὅμοιος τοῖς οὐδὲν πάσχουσι. συνιδὼν δὲ τὸ πάθος ὁ Ἐρασίστρατος φράζει πρὸς τὸν βασιλέα, καὶ ὃς ὑπὸ τοῦ φιλόπαις εἶναι παραχωρεῖν ἔφη τῷ παιδὶ τῆς γαμετῆς. ὁ δὲ αὐτίκα μὲν ἠρνήσατο· τελευτήσαντος δὲ τοῦ πατρὸς μικρὸν ὕστερον, ἣν πρότερον διδομένην αὐτῷ χάριν εὐγενῶς ἠρνήθη, μάλα κραταιῶς μετεδίωξεν.

(When I take all this into account, I do indeed congratulate you on your good fortune, though I do not reproach myself. For perhaps it is some god who has made me prefer my own ways. Be assured then that I have no grievance against those who quarrel with my way of life and my choice. But I myself add, as far as I can, to the sarcasms against myself and with a more liberal hand I pour down on my own head these abusive charges. For it was due to my own folly that I did not understand what has been the temper of this city from the beginning; and that too though I am convinced that I have turned over quite as many books as any man of my own age. You know of course the tale that is told about the king who gave his name to this city—or rather whose name the city received when it was colonised, for it was founded by Seleucus, though it takes its name from the son717 of Seleucus—; they say718 then that out of excessive softness and luxury the latter was constantly falling in love and being loved, and finally he conceived a dishonourable passion for his own step-mother. And though he wished to conceal his condition he could not, and little by little his body began to waste away and to become transparent, and his powers to wane, and his breathing was feebler than usual. But what could be the matter with him was, I think, a sort of riddle, since his malady had no visible cause, or rather it did not even appear what was its nature, though the youth's weakness was manifest. Then the physician of Samos719 was set a difficult problem, namely to discover what was the nature of the malady. Now he, suspecting from the words of Homer720 what is the nature of “cares that devour the limbs,” and that in many cases it is not a bodily weakness but an infirmity of soul that causes a wasting of the body; and seeing moreover that the youth was very susceptible to love because of his time of life and his habits, he took the following way of tracking down the disease. He sat near the youth's couch and watched his face, after ordering handsome youths and women to walk past him, beginning with the queen721 herself. Now when she entered, apparently to see how he was, the young man at once began to show the symptoms of his malady. He breathed like one who is being choked; for though he was very anxious to control his agitated breathing, he could not, but it became disordered, and a deep blush spread over his face. The physician on seeing this laid his hand to his breast, and found that his heart was beating terribly fast and was trying to burst forth from his breast. Such were his symptoms while she was present; but when she had gone away and others came in he remained calm and was like a man in a normal state of health. Then Erasistratus saw what ailed him and told the king, and he out of love for his son said that he would give up his wife to him. Now the youth for the moment refused; but when his father died not long after, he sought with the greatest vehemence the favour which he had so honourably refused when it was first offered to him.722)

[B] Ἀντιόχῳ μὲν δὴ ταῦτα ἐποιήθη. τοῖς δ᾽ ἀπ᾽ ἐκείνου γενομένοις οὐ νέμεσις ζηλοῦν τὸν οἰκιστὴν [pg 450] ἢ τὸν ἐπώνυμον.723 ὥσπερ γὰρ ἐν τοῖς φυτοῖς εἰκός ἐστι διαδίδοσθαι μέχρι πολλοῦ τὰς ποιότητας, ἴσως δὲ καὶ ἐπίπαν ὅμοια τὰ μετὰ ταῦτα τοῖς ἐξ ὧν ἐβλάστησε φύεσθαι, οὕτω καὶ ἐπὶ τῶν ἀνθρώπων εἶναι εἰκὸς παραπλήσια τὰ ἤθη τῶν ἀπογόνων τοῖς προγόνοις. ἐγώ τοι καὶ αὐτὸς ἔγνων Ἀθηναίους [C] Ἑλλήνων φιλοτιμοτάτους καὶ φιλανθρωποτάτους· καίτοι τοῦτό γε ἐπιεικῶς ἐν πᾶσιν εἶδον τοῖς Ἕλλησιν, ἔχω δ᾽ ὑπὲρ αὐτῶν εἰπεῖν, ὡς καὶ φιλόθεοι μάλιστα πάντων εἰσὶ καὶ δεξιοὶ τὰ πρὸς τοὺς ξένους, καθόλου μὲν Ἕλληνες πάντες, αὐτῶν δ᾽ Ἑλλήνων πλέον τοῦτο ἔχω μαρτυρεῖν Ἀθηναίοις. εἰ δὲ ἐκεῖνοι διασώζουσιν εἰκόνα τῆς παλαιᾶς ἐν τοῖς ἤθεσιν ἀρετῆς, εἰκὸς δήπουθεν τὸ αὐτὸ ὑπάρχειν καὶ Σύροις καὶ Ἀραβίοις καὶ Κελτοῖς καὶ Θρᾳξὶ καὶ Παίοσι καὶ τοῖς ἐν μέσῳ κειμένοις Θρᾳκῶν [D] καὶ Παιόνων ἐπ᾽ αὐταῖς Ἴστρου ταῖς ᾐόσι Μυσοῖς, ὅθεν δὴ καὶ τὸ γένος ἐστί μοι πᾶν ἄγροικον, αὐστηρόν, ἀδέξιον, ἀναφρόδιτον, ἐμμένον τοῖς κριθεῖσιν ἀμετακινήτως· ἃ δὴ πάντα ἐστὶ δείγματα δεινῆς ἀγροικίας.

(Now since this was the conduct of Antiochus, I have no right to be angry with his descendants when they emulate their founder or him who gave his name to the city. For just as in the case of plants it is natural that their qualities should be transmitted for a long time, or rather that, in general, the succeeding generation should resemble its ancestors; so too in the case of human beings it is natural that the morals of descendants should resemble those of their ancestors. I myself, for instance, have found that the Athenians are the most ambitious for honour and the most humane of all the Greeks. And indeed I have observed that these qualities exist in an admirable degree among all the Greeks, and I can say for them that more than all other nations they love the gods, and are hospitable to strangers; I mean all the Greeks generally, but among them the Athenians above all as I can bear witness. And if they still preserve in their characters the image of their ancient virtue, surely it is natural that the same thing should be true of the Syrians also, and the Arabs and Celts and Thracians and Paeonians, and those who dwell between the Thracians and Paeonians, I mean the Mysians on the very banks of the Danube, from whom my own family is derived, a stock wholly boorish, austere, awkward, without charm and abiding immovably by its decisions; all of which qualities are proofs of terrible boorishness.)

Αἰτοῦμαι τοίνυν ὑπὲρ ἐμαυτοῦ πρῶτον συγγνώμην, ἐν μέρει δὲ καὶ ὑμῖν νέμω τὰ πάτρια ζηλοῦσιν, οὐδ᾽ ἐν ὀνείδει προφέρομαι τὸ

(I therefore ask for forgiveness, in the first place for myself, and in my turn I grant it to you also since you emulate the manners of your forefathers, nor do I bring it against you as a reproach when I say that you are)

τοὐναντίον δὲ ἀντ᾽ ἐγκωμίων ὑμῖν προσεῖναί [pg 452] φημι πατρίων ζῆλον ἐπιτηδευμάτων. ἐπεὶ καὶ Ὅμηρος ἐπαινῶν τὸν Αὐτόλυκόν φησι περιεῖναι πάντων

(on the contrary it is in the place of a panegyric that I ascribe to you emulation of the practice of your forefathers. For Homer too is praising Autolycus when he says that he surpassed all men)

καὶ ἐμαυτοῦ τὴν σκαιότητα καὶ τὴν ἀμαθίαν καὶ τὴν δυσκολίαν [B] καὶ τὸ μὴ ῥᾳδίως μαλάττεσθαι μηδὲ ἐπὶ τοῖς δεομένοις ἢ τοῖς ἐξαπατῶσι τὰ ἐμαυτοῦ ποιεῖσθαι μηδὲ ταῖς βοαῖς εἴκειν καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα στέργω ὀνείδη. πότερα μὲν οὖν ἐστι κουφότερα, θεοῖς ἴσως δῆλον, ἐπείπερ ἀνθρώπων οὐδεὶς οἷός τε ἡμῖν ἐστιν ὑπὲρ τῶν διαφορῶν βραβεῦσαι· πεισόμεθα γὰρ οὐδαμῶς αὐτῷ διὰ φιλαυτίαν, θαυμάζειν γὰρ εἰκὸς τὰ ἑαυτοῦ ἕκαστον, ἀτιμάζειν δὲ τὰ παρὰ τοῖς ἄλλοις. ὁ δὲ τῷ τὰ ἐναντία ζηλοῦντι νέμων συγγνώμην εἶναί μοι δοκεῖ πρᾳότατος.

(And as for my own awkwardness and ignorance and ill-temper, and my inability to be influenced, or to mind my own business when people beg me to do so or try to deceive me and that I cannot yield to their clamour—even such reproaches I gladly accept. But whether your ways or mine are more supportable is perhaps clear to the gods, for among men there is no one capable of arbitrating in our disagreement. For such is our self-love that we shall never believe him, since everyone of us naturally admires his own ways and despises those of other men. In fact he who grants indulgence to one whose aims are the opposite of his own is, in my opinion, the most considerate of men.)

[C] Ἐγὼ δὲ ἐννοήσας εὑρίσκω καὶ ἕτερα δεινὰ ἐμαυτὸν εἰργασμένον. πόλει γὰρ προσιὼν ἐλευθέρᾳ, τὸν αὐχμὸν τῶν τριχῶν οὐκ ἀνεχομένῃ, ὥσπερ οἱ κουρέων ἀποροῦντες ἄκαρτος καὶ βαθυγένειος εἰσέδραμον· ἐνόμισας ἂν Σμικρίνην ὁρᾶν ἢ Θρασυλέοντα, δύσκολον πρεσβύτην ἢ στρατιώτην ἀνόητον, ἐξὸν φανῆναι τῷ καλλωπισμῷ παῖδα ὡραῖον καὶ γενέσθαι μειράκιον, εἰ μὴ τὴν ἡλικίαν, τὸν τρόπον γε [D] καὶ τὴν ἁβρότητα τοῦ προσώπου. “Οὐκ οἶσθα ἀνθρώποις ὁμιλεῖν, οὐδ᾽ ἐπαινέτης [pg 454] εἶ τοῦ Θεόγνιδος, οὐδὲ μιμῇ τὸν ἀφομοιούμενον ταῖς πέτραις πολύπουν, ἀλλ᾽ ἡ λεγομένη Μυκόνιος ἀγροικία τε καὶ ἀμαθία καὶ ἀβελτηρία πρὸς πάντας ἐπιτηδεύεται παρὰ σοῦ. λέληθέ σε ὅτι726 πολλοῦ δεῖ ταῦτα εἶναι Κελτοὶ καὶ Θρᾷκες καὶ Ἰλλυριοί; οὐχ ὁρᾷς, ὁπόσα μὲν ἐν τῇ πόλει ταύτῃ καπηλεῖα; [350] σὺ δὲ ἀπεχθάνῃ τοῖς καπήλοις οὐ ξυγχωρῶν ὁπόσου βούλονται πωλεῖν αὐτοὺς727 τῷ δήμῳ τὰ ἐπιτήδεια καὶ τοῖς ἐπιδημοῦσιν. οἱ δὲ τοὺς κεκτημένους τὴν γῆν αἰτιῶνται. σὺ δὲ καὶ τούτους ἐχθροὺς ποιεῖ σαυτῷ τὰ δίκαια ποιεῖν ἀναγκάζων. οἱ δὲ ἐν τέλει τῆς πόλεως ἀμφοῖν μετέχοντες ταῖν ζημίαιν, ὥσπερ οἶιμαι πρότερον ἔχαριρον διχόθεν καρπούμενοι τὰς ὠφελείας, [B] καὶ ὡς κεκτημένοι καὶ ὡς καπηλεύοντες, τὰ νῦν εἰκότως λυποῦνται δι᾽ ἀμφοτέρων ἀφῃρημένοι τὰς ἐπικερδείας. ὁ δὲ τῶν Σύρων δῆμος οὐκ ἔχων μεθύειν οὐδὲ κορδακίζειν ἄχθεται. σὺ δὲ σῖτον ἄφθονον παρέχων οἴει τρέφειν αὐτοὺς ἱκανῶς. ἐκεῖνο δέ σου χαρίεν, ὅτι οὐδὲ ὅπως ἰχθὺς ἐν τῇ πόλει πετραῖος ἔσται σκοπεῖς· ἀλλὰ καὶ πρῴην μεμφομένου τινός, ὡς οὔτε ἰχθυδίων οὔτε ὀρνίθων πολλῶν [pg 456] εὑρισκομένων ἐν ἀγορᾷ, [C] τωθαστικὸν μάλα ἐγέλασας, ἄρτου καὶ οἴνου καὶ ἐλαίου τῇ σώφρονι πόλει δεῖν φάμενος, κρεῶν δ᾽ ἤδη τῇ τρυφώσῃ· τὸ γὰρ καὶ ἰχθύων καὶ ὀρνιθίων λόγον ποιεῖσθαι πέρα τρυφῆς εἶναι καὶ ἧς οὐδὲ τοῖς ἐν Ἰθάκῃ μνηστῆρσι μετῆν ἀσελγείας. ὅτῳ δὲ οὐκ ἐν ἡδονῇ κρέα ὕεια καὶ προβάτεια σιτεῖσθαι, τῶν ὀσπρίων ἁπτόμενος εὖ πράξει. ταῦτα ἐνόμισας Θρᾳξὶ νομοθετεῖν [D] τοῖς σεαυτοῦ πολίταις ἢ τοῖς ἀναισθήτοις Γαλάταις, οἵ σε ἐπαιδοτρίβησαν καθ᾽ ἡμῶν ‘πρίνινον, σφενδάμνινον,’ οὐκέτι μέντοι καὶ ‘Μαραθωνομάχον,’ ἀλλ᾽ Ἀχαρνέα μὲν ἐξ ἡμισείας, ἀηδῆ δ᾽ ἄνδρα παντάπασι καὶ ἄνθρωπον ἄχαριν. οὐ κρεῖττον ἦν ὀδωδέναι μύρων τὴν ἀγορὰν βαδίζοντός σου καὶ παῖδας ἡγεῖσθαι καλούς, εἰς οὓς ἀποβλέψουσιν οἱ πολῖται, καὶ χοροὺς γυναικῶν, ὁποῖοι παρ᾽ ἡμῖν ἵστανται καθ᾽ ἑκάστην ἡμέραν;”

(But now I come to ponder the matter I find that I have committed yet other terrible sins. For though I was coming to a free city which cannot tolerate unkempt hair, I entered it unshaven and with a long beard, like men who are at a loss for a barber. One would have thought it was some Smicrines728 he saw, or some Thrasyleon, some ill-tempered old man or crazy soldier, when by beautifying myself I might have appeared as a blooming boy and transformed myself into a youth, if not in years, at any rate in manners and effeminacy of features. “You do not know,” you answer, “how to mix with people, and cannot approve of the maxim of Theognis,729 for you do not imitate the polypus which takes on the colours of the rocks. Nay rather you behave to all men with the proverbial Myconian730 boorishness and ignorance and stupidity. Are you not aware that we here are far from being Celts or Thracians or Illyrians? Do you not see what a number of shops there are in this city? But you are hated by the shopkeepers because you do not allow them to sell provisions to the common people and those who are visiting the city at a price as high as they please. The shopkeepers blame the landowners for the high prices; but you make these men also your enemies, by compelling them to do what is just. Again, those who hold office in the city are subject to both penalties; I mean that just as, before you came, they obviously used to enjoy profits from both sources, both as landowners and as shopkeepers, so naturally they are now aggrieved on both accounts, since they have been robbed of their profits from both sources. Then the whole body of Syrian citizens are discontented because they cannot get drunk and dance the cordax.731 You, however, think that you are feeding them well enough if you provide them with plenty of corn. Another charming thing about you is that you do not even take care that the city shall have shell-fish. Nay more, when someone complained the other day that neither shell-fish nor much poultry could be found in the market, you laughed very maliciously and said that a well-conducted city needs bread, wine and olive oil, but meat only when it is growing luxurious.732 For you said that even to speak of fish and poultry is the extreme of luxury and of profligacy such as was beyond the reach of even the suitors in Ithaca; and that anyone who did not enjoy eating pork and mutton733 would fare very well if he took to vegetables.734 You must have thought that you were laying down these rules for Thracians, your own fellow-citizens, or for the uncultured people of Gaul who—so much the worse for us!—trained you to be ‘a heart of maple, a heart of oak,’ though not indeed ‘one who fought at Marathon’735 also, but rather to be half of you an Acharnian and altogether an unpleasant person and an ungracious fellow. Would it not be better that the market place should be fragrant with myrrh when you walk there and that you should be followed by a troop of handsome boys at whom the citizens could stare, and by choruses of women like those that exhibit themselves every day in our city?”)

[351] Ἐμὲ δὲ ὑγρὸν βλέπειν ῥιπτοῦντα πανταχοῦ τὰ ὄμματα, ὅπως ὑμῖν καλός, οὔτι τὴν ψυχήν, ἀλλὰ τὸ πρόσωπον ὀφθείην, ὁ τρόπος οὐ συγχωρεῖ. ἔστι γάρ, ὡς ὑμεῖς κρίνετε, ψυχῆς ἀληθινὸν κάλλος ὑγρότης βίου. ἐμὲ δὲ ὁ παιδαγωγὸς ἐδίδασκεν εἰς γῆν βλέπειν ἐς διδασκάλου φοιτῶντα· θέατρον δ᾽ οὐκ εἶδον πρὶν μᾶλλον κομῆσαι τῆς [pg 458] κεφαλῆς τὸ γένειον, ἐν ἐκείνῳ δὲ τῆς ἡλικίας ἰδίᾳ μὲν καὶ κατ᾽ ἐμαυτὸν οὐδέποτε, τρίτον δὲ ἢ τέταρτον, εὖ ἴστε, [B] Πατρόκλῳ ἐπίηρα φέρων ἄρχων ἐπέταττεν οἰκεῖος ὢν ἐμοὶ καὶ ἀναγκαῖος· ἐτύγχανον δὲ ἰδιώτης ἔτι· σύγγνωτε οὖν ἐμοί· δίδωμι γὰρ ὃν ἀντ᾽ ἐμοῦ δικαιότερον μισήσετε τὸν φιλαπεχθήμονα παιδαγωγόν, ὅς με καὶ τότε ἐλύπει μίαν ὁδὸν ἰέναι διδάσκων καὶ νῦν αἴτιος ἐστί μοι τῆς πρὸς ὑμᾶς ἀπεχθείας, [C] ἐνεργασάμενος τῇ ψυχῇ καὶ ὥσπερ ἐντυπώσας ὅπερ ἐγὼ μὲν οὐκ ἐβουλόμην τότε, ὁ δὲ ὡς δή τι χαρίεν ποιῶν μάλα προθύμως ἐνετίθει, καλῶν οἶμαι σεμνότητα τὴν ἀγροικίαν καὶ σωφροσύνην τὴν ἀναισθησίαν, ἀνδρείαν δὲ τὸ μὴ εἴκειν ταῖς ἐπιθυμίαις μηδ᾽ εὐδαίμονα ταύτῃ γίνεσθαι. ἔφη δέ μοι πολλάκις, εὖ ἴστε, ναὶ μὰ Δία καὶ μούσας, ὁ παιδαγωγὸς ἔτι παιδαρίῳ κομιδῇ, Μή σε παραπειθέτω τὸ πλῆθος τῶν ἡλικιωτῶν ἐπὶ τὰ θέατρα [D] φερόμενον ὀρεχθῆναί ποτε ταυτησὶ τῆς θέας. ἱπποδρομίας ἐπιθυμεῖς; ἔστι παρ᾽ Ὁμήρῳ δεξιώτατα πεποιημένη· λαβὼν ἐπέξιθι τὸ βιβλίον. τοὺς παντομίμους ἀκούεις ὀρχηστάς; ἔα χαίρειν αὐτούς· ἀνδρικώτερον παρὰ τοῖς Φαίαξιν ὀρχεῖται τὰ μειράκια· σὺ δ᾽ ἔχεις κιθαρῳδὸν τὸν Φήμιον καὶ ᾠδὸν τὸν Δημόδοκον. [pg 460] ἔστι καὶ φυτὰ παρ᾽ αὐτῷ πολλὰ τερπνότερα ἀκοῦσαι τῶν ὁρωμένων·

(No, my temperament does not allow me to look wanton, casting my eyes in all directions in order that in your sight I may appear beautiful, not indeed in soul but in face. For, in your judgment, true beauty of soul consists in a wanton life. I, however, was taught by my tutor to look on the ground when I was on my way to school; and as for a theatre, I never saw one until I had more hair on my chin than on my head,736 and even at that age it was never on my own account and by my own wish, but three or four times, you must know, the governor who was my kinsman and near relative, “doing a favour to Patroclus,” ordered me to attend; it was while I was still a private individual.737 Therefore forgive me. For I hand over to you instead of myself one whom you will more justly detest, I mean that curmudgeon my tutor who even then used to harass me by teaching me to walk in one straight path738 and now he is responsible for my quarrel with you. It was he who wrought in my soul and as it were carved therein what I did not then desire, though he was very zealous in implanting it, as though he were producing some charming characteristic; and boorishness he called dignity, lack of taste he called sobriety, and not yielding to one's desires or achieving happiness by that means he called manliness. I assure you, by Zeus and the Muses, that while I was still a mere boy my tutor would often say to me: “Never let the crowd of your playmates who flock to the theatres lead you into the mistake of craving for such spectacles as these. Have you a passion for horse races? There is one in Homer,739 very cleverly described. Take the book and study it. Do you hear them talking about dancers in pantomime? Leave them alone! Among the Phaeacians the youths dance in more manly fashion. And for citharode740 you have Phemius; for singer Demodocus. Moreover there are in Homer many plants more delightful to hear of than those that we can see:)