καὶ ἡ δενδρήεσσα τῆς Καλυψοῦς νῆσος καὶ τὰ τῆς Κίρκης σπήλαια καὶ ὁ Ἀλκίνου κῆπος· εὖ ἴσθι, τούτων οὐδὲν ὄψει τερπνότερον.

(“And consider the wooded island of Calypso and the caves of Circe and the garden of Alcinous; be assured that you will never see anything more delightful than these.”)

Ἆρα ποθεῖτε καὶ τοὔνομα ὑμῖν φράσω τοῦ παιδαγωγοῦ, καὶ ὅστις ὢν γένος ταῦτα ἔλεγε; βάρβαρος νὴ θεοὺς καὶ θεάς, Σκύθης μὲν τὸ γένος, ὁμώνυμος δὲ τοῦ τὸν Ξέρξην ἀναπείσαντος ἐπὶ τὴν Ἑλλάδα στρατεῦσαι, καὶ τὸ πολυθρύλητον τοῦτο δὴ [B] πρὸ μηνῶν μὲν εἴκοσι προσκυνούμενον ὄνομα, νυνὶ δὲ προφερόμενον ἀντ᾽ ἀδικήματος καὶ ὀνείδους, εὐνοῦχος ἦν, ὑπὸ τὠμῷ τεθραμμένος πάππῳ, τὴν μητέρα τὴν ἐμὴν ὅπως ἀγάγοι διὰ τῶν Ὁμήρου καὶ Ἡσιόδου ποιημάτων. ἐπεὶ δ᾽ ἐκείνη πρῶτον ἐμὲ καὶ μόνον τεκοῦσα μησὶν ὕστερον ὀλίγοις ἐτελεύτησεν ὑπὸ τῆς ἀμήτορος παρθένου πολλῶν [C] συμφορῶν ἐκκλαπεῖσα κόρη καὶ νέα, μετ᾽ ἐνιαυτὸν ἕβδομον αὐτῷ παρεδόθην. οὗτος ἐξ ἐκείνου ταῦτα ἀνέπεισεν ἄγων ἐς διδασκάλου μίαν ὁδόν· ἄλλην δ᾽ οὔτ᾽ αὐτὸς εἰδέναι [pg 462] θέλων οὔτ᾽ ἐμοὶ βαδίζειν ξυγχωρῶν ἐποίησεν ἀπεχθάνεσθαί με πᾶσιν ὑμῖν. ἀλλ᾽, εἰ δοκεῖ, σπεισώμεθα πρὸς αὐτὸν ἐγώ τε καὶ ὑμεῖς τὴν ἀπέχθειαν λύσαντες. οὔτε γὰρ ἠπίστατο πρὸς ὑμᾶς ἀφιξόμενον οὔτ᾽, εἰ τὰ μάλιστα φοιτᾶν μέλλοιμι, [D] ὅτι καὶ ἄρχων προσεδόκα, καὶ τοσαύτην ἀρχήν, ὅσην ἔδωκαν οἱ θεοί, πολλὰ ὁμοῦ βιασάμενοι, πείσθητέ μοι, καὶ τὸν διδόντα καὶ τὸν δεχόμενον. ἐῴκει γὰρ ἡμῶν οὐδέτερος ἐθέλειν οὔτε ὁ διδοὺς τὴν τιμὴν ἢ χάριν ἢ ὅ,τι φίλον ὑμῖν αὐτὸ ὀνομάζειν δοῦναι, καὶ ὁ λαμβάνων, ὡς ἴσασιν οἱ θεοὶ πάντες, ἀληθῶς ἠρνεῖτο. καὶ δὴ τοῦτο μὲν ὅπῃ τοῖς θεοῖς φίλον ἔχει τε καὰ ἕξει. τυχὸν δὲ ὁ παιδαγωγὸς εἰ προύγνω τοῦτο, [353] πολλὴν ἂν ἐποιήσατο προμήθειαν, ὅπως ὅ,τι μάλιστα ὑμῖν φανείην κεχαρισμένος.

(And now do you want me to tell you also my tutor's name and the nationality of the man who used to say these things? He was a barbarian, by the gods and goddesses; by birth he was a Scythian, and he had the same name742 as the man who persuaded Xerxes to invade Greece. Moreover he was a eunuch, a word which, twenty months ago,743 was constantly heard and revered, though it is now applied as an insult and a term of abuse. He had been brought up under the patronage of my grandfather, in order that he might instruct my mother744 in the poems of Homer and Hesiod. And since she, after giving birth to me her first and only child, died a few months later, snatched away while she was still a young girl by the motherless maiden745 from so many misfortunes that were to come, I was handed over to him after my seventh year. From that time he won me over to these views of his, and led me to school by one straight path; and since neither he himself desired to know any other nor allowed me to travel by any other path, it is he who has caused me to be hated by all of you. However, if you agree, let us make a truce with him, you and I, and make an end of our quarrel. For he neither knew that I should visit you nor did he anticipate that, even supposing I was likely to come here, it would be as a ruler, and that too over so great an empire as the gods bestowed on me; though they did not do so, believe me, without using great compulsion both towards him who offered and him who accepted it. For neither of us had the air of being willing; since he who offered that honour or favour or whatever you may please to call it, was unwilling to bestow it, while he who received it was sincere in steadily refusing it. This matter, however, is and shall be as the gods will. But perhaps if my tutor had foreseen this he would have exercised much forethought to the end that I might, as far as possible, seem agreeable in your eyes.)

Εἶτα οὐκ ἔξεστιν ἀποθέσθαι νῦν καὶ μεταμαθεῖν εἴ τι πρότερον ἡμῖν ἄγροικον ἦθος ἐνετράφη; Ἔθος, φασί, δευτέρη φύσις· φύσει μάχεσθαι δ᾽ ἔργον, ἐτῶν τριάκοντα μελέτην ἀφεῖναι παγχάλεπον ἄλλως τε καὶ μετὰ τοσαύτης ἐγγενομένην τῆς χαλεπότητος· ἐμοὶ δὲ ἤδη πλείω τούτων ἐστίν. Εἶεν· [B] ἀλλὰ τί παθὼν αὐτὸς ἐπιχειρεῖς ἀκροᾶσθαι περὶ τῶν συμβολαίων καὶ δικάζειν; οὐ γὰρ δὴ καὶ τοῦτό σε ὁ παιδαγωγὸς ἐδίδασκεν, ὃς οὐδ᾽ εἰ ἄρξεις ἠπίστατο. Δεινὸς δὲ ἀνέπεισε γέρων, ὃν καὶ ὑμειῖς [pg 464] ὡς ὄντα μάλιστα αἰτιώτατον τῶν ἐμῶν ἐπιτηδευμάτων ὀρθῶς ποιοῦντες ξυλλοιδορεῖτέ μοι, καὶ τοῦτον δ᾽, εὖ ἴστε, ὑπ᾽ ἄλλων ἐξηπατημένον. ὀνόματα ἥκει πρὸς ὑμᾶς πολλάκις κωμῳδούμενα, Πλάτων καὶ Σωκράτης καὶ Ἀριστοτέλης καὶ Θεόφραστος. [C] ἐκείνοις ὁ γέρων οὗτος πεισθεὶς ὑπ᾽ ἀφροσύνης, ἔπειτα ἐμὲ νέον εὑρών, ἐραστὴν λόγων, ἀνέπεισεν, ὡς, εἰ τὰ πάντα ἐκείνων ζηλωτὴς γενοίμην, ἀμείνων ἔσομαι τῶν μὲν ἄλλων ἀνθρώπων ἴσως οὐδενός· οὐ γὰρ εἶναί μοι πρὸς αὐτοὺς τὴν ἅμιλλαν· ἐμαυτοῦ δὲ πάντως. ἐγὼ δέ· οὐ γὰρ εἶχον ὅ,τι ποιῶ· πεισθεὶς οὐκέτι δύναμαι μεταθέσθαι, καὶ ταῦτα ἐθέλων πολλάκις, [D] ἀλλ᾽ ὀνειδίζω μὲν ἐμαυτῷ, διότι μὴ ποιῶ πᾶσιν ἄδειαν746 ἁπάντων ἀδικημάτων· ὕπεισι δέ με ἐκ τῶν Πλάτωνος ὅσα ὁ Ἀθηναῖος διεξῆλθε ξένος, “Τίμιος μὲν δὴ καὶ ὁ μηδὲν ἀδικῶν, ὁ δὲ μηδ᾽ ἐπιτρέπων τοῖς ἀδικοῦσιν ἀδικεῖν πλέον ἢ διπλασίας τιμῆς ἄξιος ἐκείνου· ὁ μὲν γὰρ ἑνός, ὁ δὲ πολλῶν ἀντάξιος ἑτέρων, μηνύων τὴν τῶν ἄλλων τοῖς ἄρχουσιν ἀδικίαν. ὁ δὲ καὶ συγκολάζων εἰς δύναμιν τοῖς ἄρχουσιν, [354] ὁ μέγας ἀνὴρ ἐν πόλει καὶ τέλειος, οὗτος ἀναγορευέσθω νικηφόρος ἀρετῆς. τὸν αὐτὸν δὴ τοῦτον ἔπαινον καὶ περὶ σωφροσύνης χρὴ λέγειν καὶ περὶ φρονήσεως καὶ ὅσα ἄλλα ἀγαθά τις κέκτηται, [pg 466] δυνατὰ μὴ μόνον αὐτὸν ἔχειν, ἀλλὰ καὶ ἄλλοις μεταδιδόναι.”

(What then, you will ask, is it not possible even now for me to lay aside my character, and to repent of the boorish temper that was bred in me in earlier days? Habit, as the saying goes, is second nature. But to fight with nature is hard; and to shake off the training of thirty years is very difficult, especially when it was carried on with such painful effort, and I am already more than thirty years old. “Well and good,” you answer, “but what is the matter with you that you try to hear and decide cases about contracts? For surely your tutor did not teach you this also, since he did not even know whether you would govern.” Yes, it was that terrible old man who convinced me that I ought to do so; and you also do well to help me to abuse him, since he is of all men most responsible for my way of life; though he too, you must know, had in his turn been misled by others. Theirs are names that you have often met when they are ridiculed in Comedy—I mean Plato and Socrates, Aristotle and Theophrastus. This old man in his folly was first convinced by them, and then he got hold of me, since I was young and loved literature, and convinced me that if I would emulate those famous men in all things I should become better, not perhaps than other men—for it was not with them that I had to compete—but certainly better than my former self. Accordingly, since I had no choice in the matter, I obeyed him, and now I am no longer able to change my character, though indeed I often wish I could, and I blame myself for not granting to all men impunity for all wrong-doing. But then the words of the Athenian stranger in Plato occur to my mind: “Though he who does no wrong himself is worthy of honour, he who does not allow the wicked to do wrong is worthy of more than twice as much honour. For whereas the former is responsible for one man only, the latter is responsible for many others besides himself, when he reports to the magistrates the wrong-doing of the rest. And he who as far as he can helps the magistrates to punish wrong-doers, himself being the great and powerful man in the city, let him I say be proclaimed as winner of the prize for virtue. And we ought to utter the same eulogy with regard to temperance also, and wisdom and all the other good qualities that such a man possesses, and which are such that he is able not only to have them himself but also to impart them to other men.”747)

Ταῦτα ἐδίδασκέ με νομίζων ἰδιώτην ἔσεσθαι· [B] καὶ γὰρ οὐδὲ προύγνω ταύτην ἐκ Διός μοι τὴν τύχην ἐσομένην, εἰς ἣν νῦν ὁ θεὸς φέρων κατέστησεν. ἐγὼ δὲ αἰσχυνόμενος ἄρχων ἰδιώτου φαυλότερος εἶναι λέληθα ἐμαυτόν, οὐδὲν δέον, ὑμῖν τῆς ἀγροικίας μεταδιδοὺς τῆς ἐμαυτοῦ. καί με ἕτερος τῶν Πλάτωνος νόμων ὑπομνησθέντα ἐμαυτοῦ πεποίηκεν ἀπεχθάνεσθαι πρὸς ὑμᾶς, ὅς φησι δεῖν αἰδῶ καὶ σωφροσύνην ἀσκεῖν τοὺς ἄρχοντας καὶ τοὺς πρεσβυτέρους, [C] ἵνα τὰ πλήθη πρὸς αὐτοὺς ἀποβλέποντα κοσμῆται. μόνῳ οὖν μοι, μᾶλλον δὲ ξὺν ὀλίγοις ἐπιτηδεύοντι νῦν τοῦτο πρὸς θάτερα περιέστη καὶ γέγονεν οὐκ ἀπεικότως ἐν ὀνείδει. ἑπτὰ γάρ ἐσμεν οἵδε παρ᾽ ὑμῖν ξένοι νεήλυδες, εἷς δὲ καὶ πολίτης ὑμέτερος, Ἑρμῇ φίλος καὶ ἐμοί, λόγων ἀγαθὸς δημιουργός, οἷς οὐδέν ἐστι πρός τινα συμβόλαιον, οὐδ᾽ ἄλλην ὁδὸν βαδίζομεν ἦ πρὸς τὰ τῶν θεῶν ἱερά, [D] καὶ ὀλιγάκις, οὐ πάντες, εἰς τὰ θέατρα, πεποιημένοι τὸ δυσκλεέστατον τῶν ἔργων [pg 468] καὶ ἐπονειδιστότατον748 τοῦ βίου τέλος· ἐπιτρέψουσί μοι πάντως οἱ τῶν Ἑλλήνων σοφοὶ φάναι τι τῶν παρ᾽ ὑμῖν ἐπιπολαζόντων· οὐ γὰρ ἔχω πῶς ἂν αὐτὸ μᾶλλον ἐνδειξαίμην· ἐπὶ τῆς μεσιτείας αὑτοὺς ἐτάξαμεν, οὕτω περὶ πολλοῦ ποιούμεθα τὸ προσκρούειν ὑμῖν καὶ ἀπεχθάνεσθαι, δέον ἀρέσκειν καὶ θωπεύειν. ὁ δεῖνα ἐβιάσατο τὸν δεῖνα. Τί τοῦτο, ὦ μῶρε, πρὸς σέ; κοινωνεῖν ἐξὸν μετ᾽ εὐνοίας τῶν ἀδικημάτων, ἀφεὶς τὸ κέρδος ἔχθραν ἐπαναιρῇ, [355] καὶ τοῦτο ποιῶν ὀρθῶς οἴει ποιεῖν καὶ φρονεῖν ὑπὲρ τῶν σεαυτοῦ. λογίσασθαι ἐχρῆν, ὅτι τῶν μὲν ἀδικουμένων οὐδεὶς αἰτιᾶται τοὺς ἄρχοντας, ἀλλὰ τὸν ἀδικήσαντα, ὁ δ᾽ ἀδικῶν εἶτα εἰργόμενος, ἀφεὶς μέμφεσθαι τὸν ἀδικούμενον, εἰς τοὺς ἄρχοντας τρέπει τὸ ἄχθος.

(These things he taught me when he thought that I should be a private citizen. For he certainly did not foresee that there would be assigned to me by Zeus this lot in life to which the god has now brought me and has set me therein. But I, because I was ashamed to be less virtuous as a ruler than I had been as a private citizen, have unconsciously given you the benefit of my own boorishness, though there was no necessity. And another of Plato's laws has made me take thought for myself and so become hateful in your eyes: I mean the law which says that those who govern, and also the older men, ought to train themselves in respect for others and in self-control, in order that the masses may look to them and so order their own lives aright. Now since I alone, or rather in company with a few others, am now pursuing this course, it has had a very different result and has naturally become a reproach against me. For we here are only seven persons, strangers and newcomers in your city,—though indeed one of our number is a fellow-citizen of yours, a man dear to Hermes and to me, an excellent craftsman of discourses.749 And we have business dealings with no man, nor do we go by any road that does not lead to the temples of the gods; and seldom, and then not all of us, do we go to the theatres, since we have adopted the most inglorious line of conduct and the most unpopular aim and end of life. The wise men of Greece will surely allow me to repeat some of the sayings current among you; for I have no better way of illustrating what I mean. We have stationed ourselves in the middle of the road, so highly do we prize the opportunity to collide with you and to be disliked, when we ought rather to try to please and flatter you. “So-and-so has oppressed So-and-so.” “Fool! What business is it of yours? When it was in your power to win his good-will by becoming the partner in his wrong-doing, you first let the profit go, and incur hatred besides; and when you do this you think that you are doing right and are wise about your own affairs. You ought to have taken into account that, when men are wronged, not one of them ever blames the magistrates but only the man who has wronged him; but the man who seeks to do wrong and is prevented from it, far from blaming his proposed victim, turns his grievance against the magistrates.)

Ἐξὸν οὖν ὑπὸ τῆς εὐλογιστίας ταύτης ἀπέχεσθαι μὲν τοῦ τὰ δίκαια ποιεῖν ἀναγκάζειν, ἐπιτρέψαι δ᾽ ἑκάστῳ πράττειν ὅ, τι [B] ἂν ἐθέλῃ καὶ δυνατὸς ᾖ· τὸ γὰρ τῆς πόλεως ἦθος οἶμαι τοιοῦτόν ἐστιν, ἐλεύθερον λίαν· σὺ δὲ οὐ ξυνεὶς ἄρχεσθαι αὐτοὺς μετὰ φρονήσεως ἀξιοῖς; οὐδ᾽ ἀπέβλεψας ὅση καὶ μέχρι τῶν ὄνων ἐστὶν ἐλευθερία παρ᾽ αὐτοῖς καὶ τῶν καμήλων; ἄγουσί τοι καὶ ταύτας οἱ μισθωτοὶ διὰ τῶν στοῶν ὥσπερ τὰς νύμφας· οἱ γὰρ ὑπαίθριοι στενωποὶ καὶ αἱ πλατεῖαι τῶν ὁδῶν οὐκ ἐπὶ τούτῳ δήπου πεποίηνται, τῷ χρῆσθαι [pg 470] αὐταῖς τοὺς κανθηλίους, ἀλλ᾽ ἐκεῖναι μὲν αὐτὸ δὴ τοῦτο κόσμου τινὸς ἕνεκα πρόκεινται καὶ πολυτελείας, [C] χρῆσθαι δὲ ὑπ᾽ ἐλευθερίας οἱ ὄνοι βούλονται ταῖς στοαῖς, εἴργει δ᾽ αὐτοὺς οὐδεὶς οὐδενός, ἵνα μὴ τὴν ἐλευθερίαν ἀφέληται· οὕτως ἡ πόλις ἐστὶν ἐλευθέρα. σὺ δὲ ἀξιοῖς τοὺς ἐν αὐτῇ νεανίσκους ἄγειν ἡσυχίαν καὶ μάλιστα μὲν φρονεῖν ὅ, τι σοι φίλον, εἰ δὲ μή, φθέγγεσθαι ὅσων ἂν ἡδέως ἀκούσῃς.750 οἱ δὲ ὑπ᾽ ἐλευθερίας εἰώθασι κωμάζειν, ἀεὶ μὲν ἐπιεικῶς αὐτὸ ποιοῦντες, ἐν δὲ ταῖς ἑορταῖς πλέον.

(“Then when it was in your power by the aid of this careful reasoning to refrain from compelling us to do what is just; when you might have allowed every man to do whatever he pleases and has the power to do,—for the temper of the city is surely like that, excessively independent—do you then, I say, fail to understand this and assert that the citizens ought to be wisely governed? Have you not even observed what great independence exists among the citizens, even down to the very asses and camels? The men who hire them out lead even these animals through the porticoes as though they were brides. For the unroofed alleys and the broad highways were certainly not made for the use of pack-asses, but they are provided merely for show and as an extravagance; but in their independence the asses prefer to use the porticoes, and no one keeps them out of any one of these, for fear he should be robbing them of their independence; so independent is our city! And yet you think that even the charming youths in the city ought to keep quiet and, if possible, think whatever you like, but at any rate utter only what is agreeable for you to hear! But it is their independence that makes them hold revels; and this they always do handsomely, but during the festivals they revel more than usual.”)

Ἔδωκάν ποτε τῶν τοιούτων σκωμμάτων Ῥωμαίοις Ταραντῖνοι δίκας, [D] ὅτι μεθύοντες ἐν τοῖς Διονυσίοις ὕβρισαν αὐτῶν τὴν πρεσβείαν. ὑμεῖς δέ ἐστε τῶν Ταραντίνων τὰ πάντα εὐδαιμονέστεροι, ἀντὶ μὲν ὀλίγων ἡμερῶν ὅλον εὐπαθοῦντες ἐνιαυτόν, ἀντὶ δὲ τῶν ξένων πρέσβεων εἰς αὐτοὺς ἐξυβρίζοντες τοὺς ἄρχοντας καὶ τούτων εἰς τὰς ἐπὶ τοῦ γενείου τρίχας καὶ τὰ ἐν τοῖς νομίσμασι χαράγματα. [356] εὖ γε, ὦ πολῖται σώφρονες, οἵ τε παίζοντες τὰ τοιαῦτα καὶ οἱ τῶν παιζόντων ἀποδεχόμενοι καὶ ἀπολαύοντες. δῆλον γάρ, ὅτι τοῖς μὲν ἡδονὴν παρέχει τὸ λέγειν, τοὺς δὲ τὸ ἀκροᾶσθαι τῶν τοιούτων σκωμμάτων εὐφραίνει. ταύτης ὑμῖν ἐγὼ τῆς ὁμονοίας συνήδομαι, καὶ εὖ γε ποιεῖτε μία δὴ πόλις ὄντες τὰ τοιαῦτα, ὡς ἐκεῖνό γε οὐδαμοῦ σπουδαῖον οὐδὲ ζηλωτὸν εἴργειν [B] καὶ κολάζειν τῶν νέων τὸ ἀκόλαστον. παραιρεῖσθαι γάρ ἐστι καὶ ἀποθραύειν τῆς ἐλευθερίας τὸ κεφάλαιον, εἴ τις ἀφέλοιτο τοῦ λέγειν [pg 472] καὶ πράττειν ὅ,τι βούλονται τοὺς ἀνθρώπους. ὀρθῶς οὖν ὑμεῖς τοῦτο εἰδότες, ὅτι δεῖ τὰ πάντα ἐλευθέρους εἶναι, πρῶτον ἐπετρέψατε ταῖς γυναιξὶν ἄρχειν αὑτῶν, ἵνα ὑμῖν ὦσι λίαν ἐλεύθεραι καὶ ἀκόλαστοι, εἶτα ἐκείναις ξυνεχωρήσατε ἀνάγειν τὰ παιδία, [C] μή ποτε ὑμῖν ἀρχῆς πειρώμενα τραχυτέρας ἔπειτα ἀποφανθῇ δοῦλα, καὶ γενόμενα μειράκια πρῶτον αἰδεῖσθαι διδαχθῇ τοὺς πρεσβυτέρους, ὑπὸ δὲ τῆς οὕτω κακῆς συνηθείας εὐλαβέστερα γένηται πρὸς τοὺς ἄρχοντασ, καὶ τέλος οὐκ εἰς ἄνδρας, ἀλλ᾽ εἰς ἀνδράποδα τελέσαντες καὶ γενόμενοι σώφρονες καὶ ἐπιεικεῖς καὶ κόσμιοι λάθωσι διαφθαρέντες παντάπασι. τί οὖν αἱ γυναῖκες; ἐπὶ τὰ σφέτερα σεβάσματα ἄγουσιν αὐτὰ δι᾽ ἡδονῆς, ὃ δη μακαριώτατον εἶναι [D] φαίνεται καὶ πολυτίμητον οὐκ ἀνθρώποις μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ θηρίοις. ἔνθεν οἶμαι συμβαίνει μάλα ὑμῖν εὐδαίμοσιν εἶναι πᾶσαν ἀρνουμένοις δουλείαν, ἀπὸ τῆς εἰς τοὺς θεοὺς ἀρξαμένοις751 πρῶτον, εἶτα τοὺς νόμους καὶ τρίτον τοὺς νομοφύλακας ἡμᾶς. ἄτοποί τε ἂν εἴημεν ἡμεῖς, εἰ τῶν θεῶν περιορώντων οὕτως ἐλευθέραν τὴν πόλιν καὶ οὐκ ἐπεξιόντων ἀγανακτοίημεν καὶ χαλεπαίνοιμεν. [357] εὖ γὰρ ἴστε ὅτι ταύτης ἡμῖν ἐκοινώνησαν οἱ θεοὶ τῆς ἀτιμίας παρὰ τῇ πόλει.

(Once upon a time the citizens of Tarentum paid to the Romans the penalty for this sort of jesting, seeing that, when drunk at the festival of Dionysus, they insulted the Roman ambassadors.752 But you are in all respects more fortunate than the citizens of Tarentum, for you give yourselves up to pleasure throughout the whole year, instead of for a few days; and instead of foreign ambassadors you insult your own Sovereign, yes even the very hairs on his chin and the devices engraved on his coins.753 Well done, O wise citizens, both ye who make such jests and ye who welcome and find profit in the jesters! For it is evident that uttering them gives pleasure to the former, while the latter rejoice to hear jests of this sort. I share your pleasure in this unanimity, and you do well to be a city of one mind in such matters, since it is not at all dignified or an enviable task to restrain and chastise the licentiousness of the young. For if one were to rob human beings of the power to do and say what they please, that would be to take away and curtail the first principle of independence. Therefore, since you knew that men ought to be independent in all respects, you acted quite rightly, in the first place when you permitted the women to govern themselves, so that you might profit by their being independent and licentious to excess; secondly, when you entrusted to them the bringing up of the children, for fear that if they had to experience any harsher authority they might later turn out to be slaves; and as they grew up to be boys might be taught first of all to respect their elders, and then under the influence of this bad habit might show too much reverence for the magistrates, and finally might have to be classed not as men but as slaves; and becoming temperate and well-behaved and orderly might be, before they knew it, altogether corrupted. Then what effect have the women on the children? They induce them to reverence the same things as they do by means of pleasure, which is, it seems, the most blessed thing and the most highly honoured, not only by men but by beasts also. It is for this reason, I think, that you are so very happy, because you refuse every form of slavery; first you begin by refusing slavery to the gods, secondly to the laws, and thirdly to me who am the guardian of the laws. And I should indeed be eccentric if, when the gods suffer the city to be so independent and do not chastise her, I should be resentful and angry. For be assured that the gods have shared with me in the disrespect that has been shown to me in your city.)

Τὸ Χῖ, φασίν, οὐδὲν ἠδίκησε τὴν πόλιν οὐδὲ τὸ Κάππα. τί μέν ἐστι τοῦτο τῆς ὑμετέρας σοφίας τὸ αἴνιγμα ξυνεῖναι χαλεπόν, τυχόντες δ᾽ ἡμεῖς [pg 474] ἐξηγητῶν ἀπὸ τῆς ὑμετέρας πόλεως ἐδιδάχθημεν ἀρχὰς ὀνομάτων εἶναι τὰ γράμματα, δηλοῦν δ᾽ ἐθέλειν τὸ μὲν Χριστόν, τὸ δὲ Κωνστάντιον. ἀνέχεσθε οὖν [B] μου λέγοντος μετὰ παρρησίας. ἓν μόνον ὑμᾶς ὁ Κωνστάντιος ἠδίκησεν, ὅτι με καίσαρα ποιήσας οὐκ ἀπέκτεινεν· ὡς τά γε ἄλλα ὑμῖν μόνοις ἐκ πάντων Ῥωμαίων πολλῶν δοῖεν οἱ θεοὶ Κωνσταντίων πειραθῆναι, μᾶλλον δὲ τῶν ἐκείνου φίλων τῆς πλεονεξίας. ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὁ ἀνὴρ καὶ ἀνεψιὸς ἐγένετο καὶ φίλος. ἐπεὶ δὲ πρὸ τῆς φιλίας εἵλετο τὴν ἔχθραν, εἶτα ἡμῖν οἱ θεοὶ τὸν πρὸς ἀλλήλους ἀγῶνα λίαν ἐβράβευσαν φιλανθρώπως, [C] ἐγενόμην αὐτῷ πιστότερος φίλος ἢ προσεδόκησεν ἕξειν με πρῖν ἐχθρὸν γενέσθαι. τί οὖν οἴεσθέ με τοῖς ἐκείνου λυπεῖν ἐγκωμίοις, ὃς ἄχθομαι τοῖς λοιδορουμένοις αὐτῷ; Χριστὸν δὲ ἀγαπῶντες ἔχετε πολιοῦχον ἀντὶ τοῦ Διὸς καὶ τοῦ Δαφναίου καὶ τῆς Καλλιίπης, ἣ τὸ σόφισμα ὑμῶν ἀπεγύμνωσεν. Ἐμισηνοὶ Χριστὸν ἐπόθουν οἱ πῦρ ἐμβαλόντες τοῖς τάφοις τῶν Γαλιλαίων; ἐλύπησα δ᾽ ἐγὼ τίνας Ἐμισηνῶν πώποτε; [D] ὑμῶν μέντοι πολλοὺς καὶ ὀλίγου δέω φάναι πάντας, τὴν βουλήν, τοὺς εὐπόρους, τὸν δῆμον. ὁ μὲν γὰρ δῆμος ἄχθεταί μοι τῷ πλείστῳ μέρει, μᾶλλον δ᾽ ἅπας ἀθεότητα προελόμενος, [pg 476] ὅτι τοῖς πατρίοις ὁρᾷ τῆς ἁγιστείας θεσμοῖς προσκείμενον, οἱ δὲ δυνατοὶ κωλυόμενοι πολλοῦ πάντα πωλεῖν ἀργυρίου, πάντες δὲ ὑπὲρ τῶν ὀρχηστῶν καὶ τῶν θεάτρων, οὐχ ὅτι τοὺς ἄλλους ἀποστερῶ τούτων, [358] ἀλλ᾽ ὅτι μέλει μοι τῶν τοιούτων ἧττον ἢ τῶν ἐν τοῖς τέλμασι βατράχων. εἶτα οὐκ εἰκότως ἐμαυτοῦ κατηγορῶ τοσαύτας ἀπεχθείας λαβὰς παρασχόντος;

(“The Chi,” say the citizens, “never harmed the city in any way, nor did the Kappa.” Now the meaning of this riddle which your wisdom has invented is hard to understand, but I obtained interpreters from your city and I was informed that these are the first letters of names, and that the former is intended to represent Christ, the latter Constantius. Bear with me then, if I speak frankly. In one thing Constantius did harm you, in that when he had appointed me as Caesar he did not put me to death. Now for the rest may the gods grant to you alone out of all the many citizens of Rome to have experience of the avarice of many a Constantius, or I should say rather, of the avarice of his friends. For the man was my cousin and dear to me; but after he had chosen enmity with me instead of friendship, and then the gods with the utmost benevolence arbitrated our contention with one another, I proved myself a more loyal friend to him than he had expected to find me before I became his enemy. Then why do you think that you are annoying me by your praises of him, when I am really angry with those who slander him? But as for Christ you love him, you say, and adopt him as the guardian of your city instead of Zeus and the god of Daphne and Calliope754 who revealed your clever invention? Did those citizens of Emesa long for Christ who set fire to the tombs of the Galilaeans?755 But what citizens of Emesa have I ever annoyed? I have however annoyed many of you, I may almost say all, the Senate, the wealthy citizens, the common people. The latter indeed, since they have chosen atheism, hate me for the most part, or rather all of them hate me because they see that I adhere to the ordinances of the sacred rites which our forefathers observed; the powerful citizens hate me because they are prevented from selling everything at a high price; but all of you hate me on account of the dancers and the theatres. Not because I deprive others of these pleasures, but because I care less for things of that sort than for frogs croaking in a pond.756 Then is it not natural for me to accuse myself, when I have furnished so many handles for your hatred?)

Ἀλλ᾽ ὁ Ῥωμαῖος Κάτων, ὅπως μὲν ἔχων πώγωνος οὐκ οἶδα, παρ᾽ ὁντινοῦν δὲ τῶν ἐπὶ σωφροσύνῃ καὶ μεγαλοψυχίᾳ καὶ τὸ μέγιστον ἀνδρείᾳ μέγα φρονούντων ἄξιος ἐπαινεῖσθαι, προσιὼν τῇδε τῇ πολυανθρώπῳ καὶ τρυφερᾷ καὶ πλουσίᾳ πόλει [B] τοὺς ἐφήβους ἰδὼν ἐν τῷ προαστείῳ μετὰ τῶν ἀρχόντων ἐσταλμένους ὡς ἐπί τινα δορυφορίαν ἐνόμισεν αὑτοῦ χάριν ὑμῶν τοὺς προγόνους τὴν παρασκευὴν πᾶσαν πεποιῆσθαι· καὶ θᾶσσον ἀποβὰς τοῦ ἵππου προῆγεν ἅμα καὶ πρὸς τοὺς προλαβόντας τῶν φίλων δυσχεραίνων ὡς μηνυτὰς γενομένους αὐτοῖς, ὅτι Κάτων προσάγει, καὶ ἀναπείσαντας ἐκδραμεῖν. ὄντος δ᾽ ἐν τοιούτοις αὐτοῦ καὶ διαποροῦντος ἠρέμα καὶ ἐρυθριῶντος, ὁ γυμνασίαρχος προσδραμών, Ὦ ξένε, ἔφη, [C] ποῦ Δημήτριος; ἦν δ᾽ οὗτος ἀπελεύθερος Πομπηίου, κεκτημένος οὐσίαν πολλὴν πάνυ· μέτρον δ᾽ αὐτῆς εἰ ποθεῖτε μαθεῖν· οἶμαι γὰρ ὑμᾶς ἐκ πάντων τῶν λεγομένων πρὸς [pg 478] ταύτην μάλιστα ὡρμῆσθαι τὴν ἀκοήν· ἐγὼ τὸν εἰπόντα φράσω. Δαμοφίλῳ τῷ Βιθυνῷ πεποίηται συγγράμματα τοιαῦτα, ἐν οἷς δρεπόμενος ἐκ βίβλων πολλῶν757 εἰργάσατο [D] λόγους ἡδίστους νέῳ φιληκόῳ καὶ πρεσβυτέρῳ· φιλεῖ γὰρ τὸ γῆρας ἐπανάγειν αὖθις εἰς τὴν τῶν νέων φιληκοΐαν τοὺς ἀφηλικεστέρους· ὅθεν οἶμαι συμβαίνει νέους καὶ πρεσβύτας ἐξ ἴσης εἶναι φιλομύθους· εἶεν. ὁ δὲ δὴ Κάτων ὅπως ἀπήντησε τῷ γυμνασιάρχῳ βούλεσθε φράσω; μή με λοιδορεῖν ὑπολάβητε τὴν πόλιν· οὐκ ἔστιν ὁ λόγος ἐμός. εἴ τις ἀφῖκται [359] περιφερομένη καὶ εἰς ὑμᾶς ἀκοὴ Χαιρωνέως ἀνδρὸς ἐκ τοῦ φαύλου γένους, ὁ δὴ λέγεται παρὰ τῶν ἀλαζόνων φιλόσοφον· οὗ δὴ καὶ αὐτὸς οὐκ ἐφικόμην μέν, ηὐξάμην δὲ ὑπὸ ἀμαθίας κοινωνῆσαι καὶ μετασχεῖν. ταῦτα οὖν ἐκεῖνος ἔφρασεν, ὡς ὁ Κάτων ἀπεκρίνατο μὲν οὐδέν, βοήσας δὲ μόνον οἷά τις ἔμπληκτος καὶ ἀνόητος ἄνθρωπος, Ὢ τῆς κακοδαίμονος πόλεως, ἀπιὼν ᾤχετο.

(Cato the Roman,758 however,—how he wore his beard I do not know,759 but he deserves to be praised in comparison with anyone of those who pride themselves on their temperance and nobility of soul and on their courage above all,—he, I say, once visited this populous and luxurious and wealthy city; and when he saw the youths in the suburb drawn up in full array, and with them the magistrates, as though for some military display, he thought your ancestors had made all those preparations in his honour. So he quickly dismounted from his horse and came forward, though at the same time he was vexed with those of his friends who had preceded him for having informed the citizens that Cato was approaching, and so induced them to hasten forth. And while he was in this position, and was slightly embarrassed and blushing, the master of the gymnasium ran to meet him and called out “Stranger, where is Demetrius?” Now this Demetrius was a freedman of Pompey, who had acquired a very large fortune; and if you want to know the amount of it,—for I suppose that in all that I am now telling you are most anxious to hear this,—I will tell you who has related the story. Damophilus of Bithynia has written compositions of this sort, and in them, by culling ancedotes from many books, he has produced tales that give the greatest delight to anyone who loves to listen to gossip, whether he be young or old. For old age usually revives in the elderly that love of gossip which is natural to the young; and this is, I think, the reason why both the old and the young are equally fond of stories. Well then, to return to Cato. Do you want me to tell you how he greeted the master of the gymnasium? Do not imagine that I am slandering your city; for the story is not my own.760 If any rumour has come round, even to your ears, of the man of Chaeronea,761 who belongs to that worthless class of men who are called by impostors philosophers,—I myself never attained to that class though in my ignorance I claimed to be a member of it and to have part in it,—well he, as I was saying, related that Cato answered not a word, but only cried aloud like a man stricken with madness and out of his senses, “Alas for this ill-fated city!” and took himself off.)

Μὴ δὴ θαυμάσητε, τοῦτο εἰ καὶ ἐγὼ νυνὶ πάσχω πρὸς ὑμᾶς, [B] ἀνὴρ ἀγριώτερος ἐκείνου καὶ θρασύτερος τοσούτῳ καὶ αὐθαδέστερος, ὅσον οἱ Κελτοὶ Ῥωμαίων. ὁ μὲν γὰρ ἐκεῖσε τεχθεὶς ἐγγὺς ἦλθε γήρως ἅμα τοῖς πολίταις τρεφόμενος· ἐμοὶ δὲ Κελτοὶ καὶ Γερμανοὶ καὶ δρυμὸς Ἑρκύνιος ἔμελεν ἄρτι πρῶτον εἰς ἄνδρας τελοῦντι, καὶ διέτριψα πολὺν ἤδη χρόνον, ὥσπερ τις κυνηγέτης [pg 480] ἀγρίοις ὁμιλῶν καὶ συμπλεκόμενος θηρίοις, [C] ἤθεσιν ἐντυγχάνων οὔτε θοπεύειν οὔτε κολακεύειν εἰδόσιν, ἁπλῶς δὲ καὶ ἐλευθέρως ἐκ τοῦ ἴσου πᾶσι προσφέρεσθαι. γέγονεν οὖν μοι μετὰ τὴν ἐκ παίδον τροφὴν ἥ τε ἐν μειρακίοις ὁδὸς διὰ τῶν Πλάτωνος καὶ Ἀριστοτέλους λόγων οὐδαμῶς ἐπιτηδείων δήμοις ἐντυγχάνειν οἰομένοις ὑπὸ τρυφῆς εὐδαιμονεστάτοις762 εἶναι, ἥ τε ἐν ἀνδράσιν αὐτουργία παρὰ τοῖς μαχιμωτάτοις καὶ θυνικωτάτοις τῶν ἐθνῶν, ὅπου τὴν γαμηλίαν Ἀφροδίτην καὶ τὸν μεθυδότην Διόνυσον γάμου τε ἕνεκα καὶ παιδοποιίας οἴνου τε ὁπόσης ἑκάστῳ δυνατὸν πόσεως ἴσασι μόνον. [D] ἀσέλγεια δ᾽ οὐκ ἔστιν ἐν τοῖς θεάτροις οὐδὲ ὕβρις, οὐδὲ ἕλκει τις εἴσω τῆς σκηνῆς τὸν κόρδακα.

(Therefore do not be surprised if I now feel towards you as I do, for I am more uncivilised than he, and more fierce and headstrong in proportion as the Celts are more so than the Romans. He was born in Rome and was nurtured among Roman citizens till he was on the threshold of old age. But as for me, I had to do with Celts and Germans and the Hercynian forest763 from the moment that I was reckoned a grown man, and I have by now spent a long time there, like some huntsman who associates with and is entangled among wild beasts. There I met with temperaments that know not how to pay court or flatter, but only how to behave simply and frankly to all men alike. Then after my nurture in childhood, my path as a boy took me through the discourses of Plato and Aristotle, which are not at all suited for the reading of communities who think that on account of their luxury they are the happiest of men. Then I had to work hard myself among the most warlike and high-spirited of all nations, where men have knowledge of Aphrodite, goddess of Wedlock, only for the purpose of marrying and having children, and know Dionysus the Drink-Giver, only for the sake of just so much wine as each can drink at a draught. And in their theatres no licentiousness or insolence exists, nor does any man dance the cordax on their stage.)

Λέγεταί τοι μικρῷ πρόσθεν ὡς ἐνθένδε ἐκεῖσέ τις Καππαδόκης φυγάς, ἐν τῇ παρ᾽ ὑμῖν τραφεὶς πόλει παρὰ τῷ χρυσοχίῳ· γνωρίζετε δήπουθεν ὃν λέγω· μαθὼν ὅπου καὶ ἔμαθεν, ὡς οὐ δέον ὁμιλεῖν γυναιξί, μειρακίοις δ᾽ ἐπιχειρεῖν, οὐκ οἶδα ὁπόσα ἐνθάδε δράσας καὶ παθών, [360]ἐπειδὴ παρὰ τὸν ἐκεῖσε βασιλέα πρῴην ἀφίκετο, μνήμῃ τῶν τῇδε πολλοὺς μὲν ὀρχηστὰς αὐτοῖς ἐπαγαγεῖν, ἄλλα δὲ τὰ ἐντεῦθεν ἀγαθὰ τοιαῦτα, καὶ δή καὶ τέλος ὡς ἐνεδέησεν ἔτι κοτυλιστοῦ· [pg 482] τοῦτο δ᾽ ὑμεῖς ἴστε πρὸς τῷ ἔργῳ τὸ ὄνομα· καὶ τοῦτον ἐνθένδε ἐκάλει πόθῳ καὶ ἔρωτι τῆς σεμνῆς παρ᾽ ὑμῖν διαίτης. οἱ Κελτοὶ δὲ τὸν μὲν κοτυλιστὴν ἠγνόησαν, [B] ἐδέξατο γὰρ αὐτὸν αὐτίκα τὰ βασίλεια, τοὺς ὀρχηστὰς δὲ ἐπιτραπέντας ἐπιδείκνυσθαι764 ἐν τῷ θεάτρῳ τὴν τέχνην εἴασαν οἰόμενοι τοῖς νυμφολήπτοις αὐτοὺς ἐοικέναι. καὶ ἦν αὐτοῖς ἐκεῖ παραπλησίως ἐμοὶ καταγελαστότατον τὸ θέατρον· ἀλλ᾽ οἱ μὲν ὀλίγοι πολλῶν κατεγέλων, ἐγὼ δὲ ξὺν ὀλίγοις ἐνθάδε γελοῖος ὑμῖν ἅπασι τὰ πάντα φαίνομαι.

(A story is told of them that not long ago a certain Cappadocian was exiled from here to that place, a man who had been brought up in your city in the house of the goldsmith—you know of course whom I mean,—and had learned, as he naturally did learn there, that one ought not to have intercourse with women but to pay attentions to youths. And when, after doing and suffering here I know not what, he went to the court of the king in that country, he took with him to remind him of your habits here a number of dancers and other such delights from this city; and then finally since he still needed a cotylist765—you know the word and the thing too—he invited him also from here, because of his longing and love for the austere mode of life that prevails with you. Now the Celts never made the acquaintance of the cotylist, since he was at once admitted into the palace; but when the dancers began to display their art in the theatre, the Celts left them alone because they thought that they were like men stricken with nympholepsy. And the theatre seemed to the men in that country highly ridiculous, just as it does to me; but whereas the Celts were a few ridiculing many, I here along with a few others seem absurd in every way to all of you.)

[C] Καὶ οὐκ ἀγανακτῶ τῷ πράγματι. καὶ γὰρ ἂν εἴην ἄδικος εἰ μὴ καὶ τοῖς παροῦσι στέργοιμι, διαφερόντως ἀσπασάμενος ἐκεῖνα. Κελτοὶ μὲν γὰρ οὕτω με δι᾽ ὁμοιότητα τρόπων ἠγάπησαν, ὥστε ἐτόλμησαν οὐχ ὅπλα μόνον ὑπὲρ ἐμοῦ λαβεῖν, ἀλλὰ καὶ χρήματα ἔδωκαν πολλά, καὶ παραιτούμενον ὀλίγου καὶ ἐβιάσαντο λαβεῖν, καὶ πρὸς πάντα ἑτοίμως ὑπήκουσαν. ὃ δὲ δὴ μέγιστον, ἐκεῖθεν εἰς ὑμᾶς ἐφέρετο πολὺ τὸ ἐμὸν ὄνομα, καὶ ἐβόων πάντες ἀνδρεῖον, συνετόν, δίκαιον, οὐ πολέμῳ μόνον ὁμιλῆσαι δεινόν, [D] ἀλλὰ καὶ εἴρηνῃ χρήσασθαι δεξιόν, εὐπρόσιτον, πρᾷον· ὑμεῖς δὲ αὐτοῖς ἀντιδεδώκατε νῦν ἐνθένδε πρῶτον μέν, ὅτι παρ᾽ ἐμὲ τὰ τοῦ κόσμου πράγματα ἀνατέτραπται· σύνοιδα δὲ οὐδὲν ἀνατρέπων ἐμαυτῷ οὔτε ἑκὼν οὔτε ἄκων· εἶτα, ὡς ἐκ τοῦ πώγωνός μου χρὴ πλέκειν σχοινία, καὶ ὅτι πολεμῶ τῷ Χῖ, πόθος δὲ ὑμᾶς εἴσεισι τοῦ Κάππα. καὶ ὑμῖν γε αὐτὸ οἱ [pg 484] πολιοῦχοι τῆσδε τῆς πόλεως θεοὶ διπλοῦν δοῖεν, ὅτι πρὸς τούτῳ [361] καὶ τὰς ἀστυγείτονας ἐσυκοφαντήσατε πόλεις ἱερὰς καὶ ὁμοδούλους ἐμοί, ὡς δὴ παρ᾽ αὐτῶν εἴη τὰ εἰς ἐμὲ ξυντεθέντα, ὃν εὖ οἶδ᾽ ὅτι φιλοῦσιν ἐκεῖναι μᾶλλον ἢ τοὺς ἑαυτῶν υἱέας, οἳ τὰ μὲν τῶν θεῶν ἀνέστησαν αὐτίκα τεμένη, τοὺς τάφους δὲ τῶν ἀθέων ἀνέτρεψαν πάντας. ἀπὸ τοῦ συνθήματος, ὃ δὴ δέδοται παρ᾽ ἐμοῦ πρῴην, οὕτως ἐπαρθέντες τὸν νοῦν καὶ μετέωροι γενόμενοι τὴν διάνοιαν, ὡς καὶ πλέον ἐπεξελθεῖν τοῖς [B] εἰς τοὺς θεοὺς πλημμελοῦσιν ἢ βουλομένῳ μοι ἦν.

(This is a fact which I do not resent. And indeed it would be unjust of me not to make the best of the present state of things, after having so greatly enjoyed the life among the Celts. For they loved me so much, on account of the similarity of our dispositions, that not only did they venture to take up arms on my behalf, but they gave me large sums of money besides; and when I would have declined it, they almost forced me to take it, and in all things readily obeyed me. And what was most wonderful of all, a great report of me travelled thence to your city, and all men proclaimed loudly that I was brave, wise and just, not only terrible to encounter in war, but also skilful in turning peace to account, easy of access and mild-tempered. But now you have sent them tidings from here in return, that in the first place the affairs of the whole world have been turned upside down by me—though indeed I am not conscious of turning anything upside down, either voluntarily or involuntarily; secondly, that I ought to twist ropes from my beard, and that I war against the Chi and that you begin to regret the Kappa. Now may the guardian gods of this city grant you a double allowance of the Kappa!766 For besides this you falsely accused the neighbouring cities, which are holy and the slaves of the gods, like myself, of having produced the satires which were composed against me; though I know well that those cities love me more than their own sons, for they at once restored the shrines of the gods and overturned all the tombs767 of the godless, on the signal that was given by me the other day; and so excited were they in mind and so exalted in spirit that they even attacked those who were offending against the gods with more violence than I could have wished.)

Τὰ δ᾽ ὑμέτερα· πολλοὶ μὲν ἐγειρομένους ἄρτι τοὺς βωμοὺς ἀνέτρεψαν, οὓς ἡ πρᾳότης ἡμῶν ἐδίδαξε μόλις ἡσυχάζειν. ἐπεὶ δὲ ἀπεπεμψάμεθα τὸν νεκρὸν τῆς Δάφνης, οἱ μὲν ἀφοσιούμενοι τὰ πρὸς τοὺς θεοὺς ἐξ ὑμῶν ἀντέδωκαν τοῖς ὑπὲρ τῶν λειψάνων ἠγανακτηκόσι [C] τοῦ νεκροῦ τὸ τέμενος τοῦ Δαφναίου θεοῦ, οἱ δὲ εἴτε λαθόντες εἴτε μὴ τὸ πῦρ ἐνεῖσαν768 ἐκεῖνο, τοῖς μὲν ἐπιδημοῦσι τῶν ξένων φρικῶδες, ὑμῶν δὲ τῷ δήμῳ μὲν ἡδονὴν παρασχόν, [pg 486] ὑπὸ δὲ τῆς βουλῆς ἀμεληθὲν καὶ εἰσέτι ἀμελούμενον. ἐμοὶ μὲν οὖν ἐδόκει καὶ πρὸ τοῦ πυρὸς ἀπολελοιπέναι τὸν νεὼν ὁ θεός, ἐπεσήμηνε γὰρ εἰσελθόντι μοι πρῶτον τὸ ἄγαλμα, καὶ τούτου μάρτυρα καλῶ τὸν μέγαν Ἥλιον πρὸς τοὺς ἀπιστοῦντας, ὑμᾶς δὲ ὑπομνῆσαι βούλομαι καὶ ἄλλης ἀπεχθείας εμῆς, [D] ἔπειτα, ὅπερ εἴωθα ποιεῖν ἐπιεικῶς, ὀνειδίσαι ἐμαυτῷ καὶ ὑπὲρ ταύτης καὶ κατηγορῆσαι καὶ μέμψασθαι.

(But now consider your own behaviour. Many of you overturned the altars of the gods which had only just been erected, and with difficulty did my indulgent treatment teach you to keep quiet. And when I sent away the body from Daphne,769 some of you, in expiation of your conduct towards the gods, handed over the shrine of the god of Daphne to those who were aggrieved about the relics of the body, and the rest of you, whether by accident or on purpose, hurled against the shrine that fire which made the strangers who were visiting your city shudder, but gave pleasure to the mass of your citizens and was ignored and is still ignored by your Senate. Now, in my opinion, even before that fire the god had forsaken the temple, for when I first entered it his holy image gave me a sign thereof. I call mighty Helios to bear me witness of this before all unbelievers. And now I wish to remind you of yet another reason for your hatred of me, and then to abuse myself—a thing which I usually do fairly well—and both to accuse and blame myself with regard to that hatred.)

Δεκάτῳ γάρ που μηνὶ τῷ παρ᾽ ὑμῖν ἀριθμουμένῳ· Λῶον οἶμαι τοῦτον ὑμεῖς προσαγορεύετε· τοῦ θεοῦ τούτου πάτριός ἐστιν ἑορτή, καὶ ἔδει σπουδῇ πρὸς τὴν Δάφνην ἀπαντᾶν. ἐγὼ μὲν οὖν ἀπὸ τοῦ Κασίου Διὸς ἐπὶ τοῦτο ἔδραμον, οἰόπμενος ἐνταῦθα μάλιστα τοῦ πλούτου καὶ τῆς φιλοτιμίας ὑμῶν ἀπολαύσειν. εἶτα ἀνέπλαττον παρ᾽ ἐμαυτῷ πομπήν, [362] ὥσπερ ὀνείρατα ὁρῶν, ἱερεῖα καὶ σπονδὰς καὶ χοροὺς τῷ θεῷ καὶ θυμιάματα καὶ τοὺς ἐφήβους ἐκεῖ περὶ τὸ τέμενος θεοπρεπέστατα μὲν τὰς ψυχὰς κατεσκευασμένους, λευκῇ δ᾽ ἐσθῆτι καὶ μεγαλοπρεπεῖ κεκοσμημένους. ὡς δὲ εἴσω παρῆλθον τοῦ τεμένους, οὔτε θυμιάματα κατέλαβον οὔτε πόπανον οὔτε ἱερεῖον. αὐτίκα μὲν οὖν ἐθαύμασα καὶ ᾤμην ἔξω τοῦ τεμένους εἶναι, περιμένειν δ᾽ ὑμᾶς, [B] ἐμὲ δὴ τιμῶντας ὡς ἀρχιερέα, τὸ σύνθημα παρ᾽ ἐμοῦ. ἐπεὶ δὲ ἠρόμην, τί μέλλει θύειν ἡ πόλις ἐνιαύσιον ἑορτὴν ἄγουσα τῷ θεῷ, ὁ [pg 488] ἱερεὺς εἶπεν· ἐγὼ μὲν ἥκω φέρων οἴκοθεν τῷ θεῷ χῆνα ἱερεῖον, ἡ πόλις δὲ τὰ νῦν οὐδὲν ηὐτέεπισται.

(In the tenth month, according to your reckoning,—Loos I think you call it—there is a festival founded by your forefathers in honour of this god, and it was your duty to be zealous in visiting Daphne. Accordingly I hastened thither from the temple of Zeus Kasios,770 thinking that at Daphne, if anywhere, I should enjoy the sight of your wealth and public spirit. And I imagined in my own mind the sort of procession it would be, like a man seeing visions in a dream, beasts for sacrifice, libations, choruses in honour of the god, incense, and the youths of your city there surrounding the shrine, their souls adorned with all holiness and themselves attired in white and splendid raiment. But when I entered the shrine I found there no incense, not so much as a cake, not a single beast for sacrifice. For the moment I was amazed and thought that I was still outside the shrine and that you were waiting the signal from me, doing me that honour because I am supreme pontiff. But when I began to inquire what sacrifice the city intended to offer to celebrate the annual festival in honour of the god, the priest answered, “I have brought with me from my own house a goose as an offering to the god, but the city this time has made no preparations.”)

Ἐνταῦθα ὁ φιλαπεχθήμων ἐγὼ πρὸς τὴν βουλὴν ἀνεπιεικεῖς πάνυ διελέχθην λόγους, ὧν ἴσως οὐκ ἄτοπον καὶ νῦν μνημονεῦσαι. “Δεινόν,” ἔφην ἐγώ, “τὴν τοσαύτην πόλιν οὕτω τῶν θεῶν ὀλιγώρως ἔχειν, ὡς οὐδεμία παροικοῦσα ταῖς ἐσχατιαῖς τοῦ Πόντου κώμη· [C] μυρίους κλήρους γῆς ἰδίας κεκτημένη, τῷ πατρίῳ θεῷ νῦν πρῶτον ἐπιστάσης ἑορτῆς ἐνιαυσίου, ἐπειδὴ διεσκέδασαν οἱ θεοὶ τῆς ἀθεότητος τὴν νεφέλην, μίαν ὄρνιν771 ὑπὲρ αὑτῆς οὐ προσάγει, ἣν ἐχρῆν μάλιστα μὲν καὶ κατὰ φυλὰς βουθυτεῖν, εἰ δὲ μὴ ῥᾴδιον, ἕνα γε772 κοινῇ πᾶσαν ὑπὲρ αὑτῆς προσφέρειν τῷ θεῷ ταῦρον. [D] ὑμῶν δ᾽ ἕκαστος ἰδίᾳ μὲν εἰς τὰ δεῖπνα καὶ τὰς ἑορτὰς χαίρει δαπανώμενος, καὶ εὖ οἶδα πολλοὺς ὑμῶν πλεῖστα εἰς τὰ δεῖπνα τοῦ Μαϊουμᾶ χρήματα ἀπολέσαντας, ὑπὲρ δ᾽ ὑμῶν αὐτῶν καὶ τῆς σωτηρίας τῆς πόλεως οὐδεὶς θύει οὔτε ἰδίᾳ τῶν πολιτῶν οὔτε ἡ πόλις κοινῇ, μόνος δ᾽ ὁ ἱερεύς, ὃν οἶμαι δικαιότερον ἦν ἀπὸ τοῦ πλήθους τῶν προσφερομένων τῷ θεῷ παρ᾽ ὑμῶν οἴκαδε ἀπιέναι μερίδας ἔχοντα. τοῖς μὲν γὰρ ἱερεῦσιν οἱ θεοὶ καλοκἀγαθίᾳ τιμᾶν αὑτοὺς καὶ ἀρετῆς ἐπιτηδεύσει προσέταξαν καὶ λειτουργεῖν σφίσι τὰ εἰκότα· [363] πρέπει δ᾽ οἶμαι τῇ πόλει θύειν ἰδίᾳ καὶ [pg 490] δημοσίᾳ· νυνὶ δὲ ὑμῶν ἕκαστος ἐπιτρέπει μὲν τῇ γυναικὶ πάντα ἐκφέρειν ἔνδοθεν εἰς τοὺς Γαλιλαίους, καὶ τρέφουσαι ἀπὸ τῶν ὑμετέρων ἐκεῖναι τοὺς πένητας πολὺ τῆς ἀθεότητος ἐργάζονται θαῦμα πρὸς τοὺς τῶν τοιούτων δεομένουςλ ἔστι δὲ τοιοῦτον οἶμαι τὸ πλεῖστον τῶν ἀνθρώπων γένος· ὑμεῖς δ᾽ αὐτοὶ πρῶτον μὲν τῶν εἰς τοὺς θεοὺς τιμῶν ἀμελῶς ἔχοντες πράττειν οὐδὲν ἄτοπον ὑπολαμβάνετε· [B] πρόσεισι δ᾽ οὐδεὶς τῶν δεομένων τοῖς ἱεροῖς· οὐ γὰρ ἔστιν οἶμαι πόθεν διατραφῇ. καὶ γενέθλια μέν τις ἑστιῶν ἱκανῶς παρασκευάζει δεῖπνον καὶ ἄριστον, ἐπὶ πολυτελῆ τράπεζαν τοὺς φίλους παραλαμβάνων· ἐνιαυσίου δ᾽ ἑορτῆς οὔσης οὐδεὶς ἐκόμισεν ἔλαιον εἰς λύχνον τῷ θεῷ οὐδὲ σπονδὴν οὐδ᾽ ἱερεῖον οὐδὲ λιβανωτόν. ἐγὼ μὲν οὖν773 οὐκ οἶδα, ὅπως ἄν τις ταῦτα [C] ἀνὴρ ἀγαθὸς ὁρῶν παρ᾽ ὑμῖν ἀποδέξαιτο, νομίζω δ᾽ ἔγωγε μηδὲ τοῖς θεοῖς ἀρέσκειν.”

(Thereupon, being fond of making enemies, I made in the Senate a very unseemly speech which perhaps it may now be pertinent to quote to you. “It is a terrible thing,” I said, “that so important a city should be more neglectful of the gods than any village on the borders of the Pontus.774 Your city possesses ten thousand lots of land privately owned, and yet when the annual festival in honour of the god of her forefathers is to be celebrated for the first time since the gods dispelled the cloud of atheism, she does not produce on her own behalf a single bird, though she ought if possible to have sacrificed an ox for every tribe, or if that were too difficult, the whole city in common ought at any rate to have offered to the god one bull on her own behalf. Yet every one of you delights to spend money privately on dinners and feasts; and I know very well that many of you squandered very large sums of money on dinners during the May festival. Nevertheless, on your own behalf and on behalf of the city's welfare not one of the citizens offers a private sacrifice, nor does the city offer a public sacrifice, but only this priest! Yet I think that it would have been more just for him to go home carrying portions from the multitude of beasts offered by you to the god. For the duty assigned by the gods to priests is to do them honour by their nobility of character and by the practice of virtue, and also to perform to them the service that is due; but it befits the city, I think, to offer both private and public sacrifice. But as it is, every one of you allows his wife to carry everything out of his house to the Galilaeans, and when your wives feed the poor at your expense they inspire a great admiration for godlessness in those who are in need of such bounty—and of such sort are, I think, the great majority of mankind,—while as for yourselves you think that you are doing nothing out of the way when in the first place you are careless of the honours due to the gods, and not one of those in need goes near the temples—for there is nothing there, I think, to feed them with—and yet when any one of you gives a birthday feast he provides a dinner and a breakfast without stint and welcomes his friends to a costly table; when, however, the annual festival arrived no one furnished olive oil for a lamp for the god, or a libation, or a beast for sacrifice, or incense. Now I do not know how any good man could endure to see such things in your city, and for my part I am sure that it is displeasing to the gods also.”)

Τοιαῦτα εἰπὼν τότε μέμνημαι, καὶ ὁ μὲν θεὸς ἐμαρτύρησέ μου τοῖς λόγοις, ὡς μήποτε ὤφελεν, ἐκλιπὼν τὸ προάστειον, ὃ πολὺν ἐτήρησε χρόνον, ἐν ἐκείνῃ τῇ ζάλῃ τρέψας ἀλλαχοῦ τῶν κρατούντων τὴν διάνοιαν καὶ τὼ χεῖρε βιασάμενος. ὑμῖν δ᾽ ἀπηχθόμην ἐγὼ ποιῶν ἀνοήτως. ἐχρῆν γὰρ σιωπᾶν, ὥσπερ οἶμαι πολλοὶ καὶ ἄλλοι τῶν συνεισελθόντων ἐμοί, καὶ μὴ πολυπραγμονεῖν μηδ᾽ ἐπιτιμᾶν. [D] ἀλλ᾽ ὑπὸ προπετείας ἐγὼ καὶ [pg 492] τῆς καταγελάστου κολακείας· οὐ γὰρ δὴ νομιστέον ὑπ᾽ εὐνοίας ἐμοὶ τότε εἰρῆσθαι τοὺς πρὸς ὑμᾶς λόγους, ἀλλ᾽ οἶμαι δόξαν θηρεύων εὐλαβείας τε εἰς τοὺς θεοὺς καὶ εἰς ὑμᾶς εὐνοίας ἀδόλου· τοῦτο δ᾽ ἐστὶν οἶμαι παγγέλοιος κολακεία· πολλὰ ὑμῶν μάτην κατέχεα. [364] δίκαια ποίνυν ἐργάζεσθέ με τῶν ἐπιτιμήσεων ἐκείνων ἀμυνόμενοι καὶ ἐναλλάττοντες τὰ χωρία. ἐγὼ μὲν ὑπὸ τῷ θεῷ πρὸς τῷ βωμῷ καὶ τοῖς τοῦ ἀγάλματος ἴχνεσιν ἐν ὀλίγοις ὑμῶν κατέδραμον· ὑμεῖς δ᾽ ἐπὶ τῆς ἀγορᾶς ἐν τῷ δήμῳ διὰ τῶν ἱκανῶν τὰ τοιαῦτα χαριεντίζεσθαι πολιτῶν. εὖ γὰρ ἴστε, πάντες οἱ λέγοντες κοινοῦνται πρὸς τοὺς ἀκούοντας τοὺς λόγους, καὶ ὁ ξὺν ἡδονῇ τῶν βλασφημιῶν ἀκροασάμενος, μετέχων [B] τῆς ἴσης ἡδονῆς ἀπραγμονέστερον τοῦ λέγοντος, κοινωνός ἐστι τῆς αἰτίας.