After breakfast, wrote journal: while doing so, Mr. —— called to know if I held my mind in spite of the grey look of the morning. A wan sunbeam just then lighted on the earth, and I said I would go; for I thought by about twelve it probably would clear.
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They called for me in the carriage at eleven; and afterwards we mounted our steeds in Warren Street to escape the crowd in Broadway. We rode down to the ferry. The creature, on top of which I sat, was the real potatuppy butcher's horse. However, it did not shake me, or pull my arms much, so I was content. As to a horse properly broken, either for man or woman, I have done looking for it in this land. We went into the steam-boat on our horses. The mist lay thick over the river; but the opposite shores had that grey distinctness of colour and outline that invariably foretells rain in England. The wind blew bitterly keen and cold.
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Our riding party was Mr. ——, whom I like; Mrs. ——, whom I also like, in spite of her outlandish riding-habiliments, a brother of his,
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and a young —— in white hair and spectacles. The carriage held old Mr. ——, Miss ——, the youngest daughter, and that beautiful youngest boy of theirs, who is so like his handsome sister; also sundry baskets of cake, and bottles of champagne. After landing, we set off at a brisk canter to Weehawk. None of these people know how to ride: they just go whatever pace their horse likes, sitting as backward as they can in the saddle, and tugging at the reins as hard as ever they can, to the infinite detriment of their own hands and their horses' mouths. When we had reached the height, we dismounted and walked through the woods that crown the cliffs, which here rise to an elevation of some hundred feet above the river. Our path lay through tangled brakes, where the withered trees and fallen red leaves, the bright cedar bushes, and pale slabs of granite, formed a fine and harmonious contrast of colouring; the whole blending beautifully together under the grey light, that made it look like one of Ruysdael's pictures. Our walk terminated at a little rocky promontory, called the Devil's Pulpit, where, as legends say, Satan was wont to preach, loud enough to drown the sound of the Sabbath bells in New York. The Hudson, far below, lay leaden and sullen; the woods along the shores looked withered and wintry; a thick curtain of vapour shrouded all the distance: the effect of the whole was very sad and beautiful; and had I been by myself I should have enjoyed it very much. But I was in company, and, moreover, in company with two punsters, who uttered their atrocities without remorse in the midst of all that was most striking and melancholy in nature. When we mounted our horses again, Mrs. —— complained that hers pulled her wrists most dreadfully; and, as they seemed none of the strongest, I exchanged steeds with her. The lady proprietress of the grounds over which we had been walking and riding invited us into the house, but, being mounted, I declined, and we set off for the pavilion. Just as we arrived there, it began to rain. Mercy on me and Mrs. ——! how our arms will ach to-morrow! This worthy animal of hers had a mouth a little worse than a donkey's. Arrived at the pavilion, we dismounted, and swallowed sundry champagnes and lumps of plum cake, which were singularly refreshing. We set off again, and presently it began to pelt with rain. We reached and crossed the ferry without gelling very wet. Arranged to ride on Wednesday, if fine, and so home. Upon the whole, rather satisfied than otherwise with my expedition. Dressed for dinner at once; went on with journal; Colonel —— called, and sat some time. After dinner, embroidered till eight: teaed:—my father went over to the theatre: I practised for two hours.
The muscles of my arms (for I have such unlady-like things) stand out like lumps of stone, with the fine exercise they had yesterday. I wonder how Mrs. ——'s shoulders and elbows feel.
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It rained so, we hackneyed to church. This is twice Mr. —— has not been to church, which is really very wrong, though it leaves us the pew comfortably to ourselves. Dr. —— must be an excellent good man—his sermons are every way delightful; good sense, sound doctrine, and withal a most winning mildness and gentleness of manner. A benevolent good man, I am sure, he must be. Came home—copied snuff-box verses for my father; divided out my story of the Sisters into acts and scenes: began doing the same by the English tragedy; but in the midst took a fancy to make a story instead of a play of it—and so I will, I think. Dressed for dinner. At about half-past five Colonel —— and his Quaker wife came. She is a most delightful creature, with the sweetest expression of face imaginable. She reminded me several times of dear Mrs. ——. Her dress, too, the rich brown watered silk, made so plainly, recalled Mrs. —— to me very forcibly. We had a very comfortable dinner and evening. They went away at about half-past ten.
After breakfast, wrote journal. Went out shopping and returning cards; called on Mrs. ——, and was let in. I like her; she is a nice person, with agreeable manners. Came home at about half-past two; put out things for the theatre; dined at three. After dinner, pottered about clothes till time to go to the theatre. The house was very good. My benefit—play, Much Ado about Nothing. I played very well. I am much improved in my comedy acting. Came home in a coach—it poured with rain. What a stupid day! The accounts of cholera in New Orleans are frightful; they have the yellow fever there too. Poor people! what an awful visitation!
After breakfast, wrote journal. At twelve, went and called upon Mrs. ——: the day was bright, but bitter cold, with a keen piercing wind that half cut one in half, and was delicious. The servant denied Mrs. ——; but we had hardly turned from the door when both the ladies came rushing after us, with nothing on their heads and necks, and thin summer gowns on. They brought us into a room where there was a fire fit to roast an ox. No wonder the women here are delicate and subject to cold, and die of consumption. Here were these sitting absolutely in an oven, in clothes fit only for the hottest days in summer, instead of wrapping themselves up well, and trotting out, and warming their blood wholesomely with good hard exercise. The pretty Mrs. —— looks very sickly, and coughs terribly. Her beauty did not strike me so much to-day. I do not admire any body who looks as if a puff of wind would break them in half, or a drop of water soak them through. I greatly prefer her sister's looks, who certainly is not pretty, but tall and straight, and healthy-looking, and springy as a young thing ought to be. Was introduced to a most enchanting young Newfoundland dog, whom I greatly coveted. Settled to ride to-morrow, if fine. Called at ——'s, also at a furrier's about cap, and came home. Found —— and —— with my father. What a very bad expression of face the former has; sneering and false—terrible! I looked at —— with much respect. I like his spirit, as it shines through his works, greatly. He was a pale sickly-looking man, without any thing at all remarkable in the expression of his countenance. While they were here, Mr. —— called to settle about to-morrow. He is a nice person, sensible and civil, and civil in the right way. Arrangements were made for dear ——'s going, which I rejoiced in greatly. I do not like at all leaving her behind. When the folks were gone, put out things for the theatre. While doing so, Mr. —— and Mr. and Mrs. —— called. Great discoursing about horses and horsemanship. Dined at three. After dinner, put fur upon my habit. At half-past five, went to the theatre. House very good; play, Hunchback. By the by, Colonel —— called to-day, to entreat me to go and see his "Honour, the Recorder," who had sent me tickets of admission to the town-hall, to see —— receive the freedom of the city. I could not go, because of our horseback expedition—this by the way. I played so-soish. —— was at the play; and at the end, somebody in the house exclaimed, "Three cheers for ——!" whereupon a mingled chorus of applause and hisses arose. The Vice-president looked rather silly, and acknowledged neither the one nor the other. How well I remember the Duke of —— coming to the orchestra to see this play, the night before it was expected the Whigs would go out. I dare say he knew little enough what the Hunchback was about. I do not think the people noticed him, however; so the feeling of the pulse must have been unsatisfactory. Mr. —— said to Modus to-night in the play, speaking of me, "a change of linen will suffice for her." How absurd! we were all dying on the stage. Came home; supped:—looked at silks; chose a lovely rose-coloured one to line my Portia dress; with which good deed my day ended.
Looked at the sun, and, satisfied with his promise, went to bed again, and slept till half-past eight. After breakfast, wrote to his honour, the Recorder, an humble apology in true Old Bailey style. Wrote journal, and began practising. Mrs. —— called before I was out of my bed to tell us that the ——'s were not going, but that either her husband or her brother-in-law would be too glad to go in the gig with D——. This, however, the latter refused, not choosing, as she said, to make any young man do the penance of keeping her company on a party of pleasure. Dear good old D——! I was vexed and provoked; but it could not be helped. At eleven, —— came for me. I found Mrs. —— in the carriage waiting for me. We adjourned to Warren Street, where were assembled all the party. While we waited for our horses, Neptune, the beautiful Newfoundland, was admitted, and amused himself by prancing over tables, and chairs, and sofas, to his own infinite delight, and the visible benefit of the furniture. Our steeds having arrived, we mounted and began to progress. Myself, and Mrs. ——, her husband, his brother, ——, and papa ——, Dr. ——, Mrs. ——'s brother, and Mr. ——, nephew, I believe, of the Irish patriot, were the equestrians of the party. After, followed Mr. —— and Mrs. ——, all be-coated and be-furred, in the stanhope. After, followed the ammunition-waggon, containing a negro servant, Neptune, and sundry baskets of champagne, cake, and cherry bounce. Away we rushed down Broadway, to the infinite edification of its gaping multitudes. Mr. —— had gotten me an enchanting horse that trotted like an angel. So, in spite of Major ——'s awful denunciation of "disgusting," I had a delicious hard trot all through the streets, rising in my saddle like a lady, or rather, a gentleman. My habit seemed to excite considerable admiration and approbation, and indeed it was great. Crossed the Brooklyn ferry in the steam-boat, and safely landed on the opposite side. The whole army defiled; the stanhope taking the van, the horses forming the main body, and the provisions bringing up the rear. Our party separated constantly, as we progressed, into various groups, but I remained chiefly with Dr. ——, Mr. ——, and old Mr. ——. By the by, those ——s are a charming family; for Mrs. —— sits straight in her saddle, and the Doctor settled, when we started, that when he had despatched his patients, he would call for D—— in the gig, and come down to meet us at the fort. Our ride thither was extremely agreeable: the day was clear, cold, and grey; a delightful day for riding. I trotted to my heart's content; and kept my blood warm, and my spirits like champagne, till we reached the fort, when, at sight of the Narrows, and the Sandy Hook lighthouse, they sank deep, deep down.
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The sea lay grey and still, without a wave or scarce a ripple. A thousand light skiffs, of various shapes, lay upon the leaden waters. The sky was a fine heap of heavy purple clouds, from behind which the sun shot down his rays, which threw a melancholy wan lustre on the sea beneath them. 'Twas a sad and beautiful scene. The colouring of the whole was gloomily harmonious; and the dark shores and grey expanse of water blended solemnly with the violet-coloured curtain of the heavens. We went over the fort. 'Tis a fortification of no great size, or, I should think, strength; but its position, which commands the narrow entrance to the bay of New York, effectually checks the pass, and guards the watery defile that leads to the city of Mammon. We looked at the guns and powder-magazine, walked round the walls, and peeped into the officers' quarters, and then descended to seek where we might eat and be satisfied. Mrs. —— is a very nice creature: she looks the picture of good temper—never stands still a minute; and as we rode along to-day, when, fearing she might be cold, I asked her how she found herself, she replied, with perfect innocence and sincerity, "Oh, delightful!" which made us all scream. We knocked up the quarters of an old woman who kept a cottage, not exactly young love's humble shed, but good enough for our purpose. We got sundry logs of wood, and made a blazing fire; moreover, the baskets were opened, and presently we presented the interesting spectacle of a dozen people each with a lump of cake in one hand, and a champagne glass in the other. Mr. —— and Mrs. —— stuck to the cherry bounce, and, as we afterwards heard, drove home accordingly. Having discussed, we remounted, and set forwards home by another road; a very lovely one, all along the river side. Ere we had progressed long, we met D—— and Dr. —— in the gig. The nice good man had kept his word, and gone to fetch her. They had met Mr. ——'s equipage going cherry-bounce pace, it seems, two miles ahead of us. The men here are never happy unless they are going full speed. 'Tis no wonder their horses are good for nothing: they would ruin any horses that were good for any thing.[61] Such unskilful horsemanship I never saw: going full tear; crossing one another in every direction; knocking up against one another; splashing through puddles because they have no hand over their horses, and either overshooting their point, or being half thrown at every turn of the road, for the same reason. Came home full speed, and arrived at half-past four, having ridden, I should think, nearly twenty miles. Found Mrs. —— at home. They pressed me very much to stay dinner with them; but my father expected me, and I would not. That worthy youth, ——, insisted upon my accepting his beautiful large dog, Neptune, which I did conditionally, in case Mr. —— should fail me, which I think a very improbable case indeed. They ordered the carriage, and Mr. —— persisted in seeing me home in it, much to my annoyance, as 'twas a very useless ceremony indeed. Did not dishabit, but dined en amazone.
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Gave D—— her muff and tippet, which are exceedingly magnificent. After dinner, pottered about, and dressed at once. Played on the piano till nine, when we adjourned to ——'s. A complete "small party, my dear." Dr. —— was there, whom I was glad to see; also Mrs. ——; also Mr. and Miss ——; also that Mrs. ——, who is utter horror and perturbation of spirit to me; also ——; also ——; all our riding party, and a world besides. After a little time, dancing was proposed; and I stood up to waltz with Mr. ——, who observed that Dr. —— was gone, as he never chose to be present while waltzing was going on. I felt shocked to death that unconsciously I should have been instrumental in driving him away, and much surprised that those who knew his disapprobation of waltzing should have proposed it. However, he was gone, and did not return. Therefore I waltzed myself out of my conscientious remorse. Sang them Fanny Gray, and Ye Mariners of Spain. Danced sundry quadrilles; and, finally, what they called a Kentucky reel,—which is nothing more than Sir Roger de Coverley turned Backwoodsman—and afterwards a "foursome reel." Played magic music; and, finally, at one o'clock, came home, having danced myself fairly off my legs.
It poured with rain all day. Dr. —— called, and gave me a sermon about waltzing. As it was perfectly good sense, to which I could reply nothing whatever in the shape of objection, I promised him never to waltz again, except with a woman, or my brother.
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After all, 'tis not fitting that a man should put his arm round one's waist, whether one belongs to any one but one's self or not. 'Tis much against what I have always thought most sacred,—the dignity of a woman in her own eyes and those of others. I like Dr. —— most exceedingly. He spoke every way to my feelings of what was right, to-day. After saying that he felt convinced, from conversations which he had heard amongst men, that waltzing was immoral in its tendency, he added, "I am married, and have been in love, and cannot imagine any thing more destructive of the deep and devoted respect which love is calculated to excite in every honourable man's heart, not only for the individual object of his affections, but for her whole sex, than to see any and every impertinent coxcomb in a ball-room come up to her, and, without remorse or hesitation, clasp her waist, imprison her hand, and absolutely whirl her round in his arms." So spake the Doctor; and my sense of propriety and conviction of right bore testimony to the truth of his saying. So, farewell, sweet German waltz!—next to hock, the most intoxicating growth of the Rheinland. I shall never keep time to your pleasant measure again!—no matter; after all, any thing is better than to be lightly spoken of, and to deserve such mention. Mr. —— called, and sat some time with me. He is grown monstrously fat, and looks perfectly radiant. He brought with him a good-looking staring man of the name of ——. We dined at three. After dinner, received a pretty anonymous nosegay, with sundry very flattering doggrel. The play was the Stranger. It poured cats and dogs, and the streets were all grey pudding. I did not expect to see six people in the house; instead of which 'twas crowded: a satisfactory proof of our attraction.
At eleven, went to rehearsal—Isabella. I have forgotten all about it. They all read their parts; came home; began to practise. The two Mrs. —— called. I like them mainly, Mrs. —— particularly. While they were here, Mr. —— and a man called; they stayed but a minute. By and by, in walked Mr. and Mrs. ——; whereupon the —— departed.
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While they were here, received from —— the beautiful annual he has bought for me, which is, indeed, most beautiful; and with it, literally a copy of verses, which are not so bad neither—only think of that!!! The engravings are from things of Stanfield's, taken on the Rhine; and made my heart ach to be once more in Europe, in the old land where fairy tales are told; in the old feudal world, where every rock, and valley, and stream, are haunted with imaginings wild and beautiful: the hallowed ground of legend history; the dream-land of fancy and of poetry. Put out things for the theatre: dined at three. Colonel —— called: he brought news of the arrival of a Liverpool packet, and prophesied letters to me. Went to the theatre. Play, Hunchback—house very fine again. Just as I was dressing for the second act, three letters were brought into my room.
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I was so much overset by them, that with the strange faculty I have of pouring one feeling into another, I cried so bitterly in the parting scene with Clifford, that I could scarcely utter the words of my part.
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Our riding expedition having been put off, the day was beautifully bright and clear. Sat stitching and pottering an infinity. My feet got so perished that I didn't know what to do. Wrote journal; practised for an hour; Mr. —— called. When he was gone, went out with my father. Called at ——'s to order home my gown for dinner-time. Left a card at Mrs. ——'s, and then marched down to the tailor's to upbraid him about my waistcoat, which is infamously ill made.[62] Coming home, met that very odious Mr. ——, who is the perfection of genteel vulgarity. He walked home with us. Dressed for dinner. Mme. —— did not send my gown home in time: abominable sempstress! so put on my blue, and looked rather dowdy. Found sundry that we knew: Colonel ——; Mr. ——; my favourite aversion, Mr. ——; that signal fool, Mr. ——; Miss ——, who looked like a hair-dresser's wax block; a Miss ——, with lovely feet, and a terrified Bacchante-looking head, cum multis aliis. I sat by one Mr. ——, who talked without end, and cleverly enough: indeed, it was rather clever to talk so wonderfully fast and much. After dinner, the party became much larger: Dr. ——, Mr. ——, the —— (all but ——), that entire self-satisfaction, Mr. ——, Mr. ——, and the knight of the rueful countenance; three singing men, ycleped ——; and a shoal besides. One of the Mr. —— and Miss —— sang the duet in the Didone, that dear —— and —— used to sing so lovelily. They both had good voices, but the style is but so-soish. Presently, three men sang that sea glee that I remember Lord and Lady —— teaching me at ——. What a strange faculty of our nature this is, this leading back of our minds to the past, through the agency of our senses, acted upon by present influences, the renewing life, the magical summoning up of dead time from its grave, with the very place and circumstance it wore. Wondrous riddle! what—what are we, that are so curiously made? By and by dancing was proposed, and I was much entreated and implored to change my determination about waltzing; but I was inexorable, and waltzed only with the ladies, who one and all dance extremely well. Mrs. —— looked lovely to-night. Dr. —— says very true, she has a thorough-bred look, which reminds me a little of our noble English ladies. He says she is like Lady ——. I think she is prettier: she certainly looks like a gem. We danced a Kentucky reel, and sundry quadrilles. That long ens, Mr. ——, was tipsy, and went slithering about in a way to kill one; and Mr. —— was sitting slyly in the corner, pretending to talk to D——, but in fact dying with laughter at poor ——, who meandered about the room, to the infinite dismay and confusion of the whole dance. Vain were the vigorous exertions of his partner, who pulled him this way and that, and pushed him hither and thither, to all which the unresisting creature submitted incorrigibly. Remained dancing till half-past twelve, in fact Sunday morning, and then came home. They made me sing, which I did abominably. On my return home, found my black satin gown, every atom of which will have to be unpicked—pleasant! the tradespeople here are really terrible; they can do nothing, and will take no pains to do any thing: 'tis a handsome gown spoilt.[63]
My dear father's birth-day! also, by the by, a grand occasion here—the anniversary of the evacuation of the island by the British troops, which circumstance the worthy burghers have celebrated ever since with due devotion and thankfulness. Went to church: Dr. —— did not preach, which was a disappointment to me. The music was exquisite; and there was a beautiful graceful willow branch, with its long delicate fibres and golden leaves, waving against the blue sky and the church window, that seemed to me like a magical branch in a fairy tale. It struck me as strange to-day, as I looked from the crowded gloomy church to the bright unbounded sky, to think that we call the one the house of God; to be sure, we have other authority for calling the blue heavens his throne; and oh, how glorious they did look! The day was bright, but bitter cold. Coming out of church, saw all our last night's party. On my return home found a perfect levee; Dr. ——, Mr. ——, Mr. ——, Mr. ——, Mr. ——, a whole regiment. When they were all gone, wrote journal: having finished that and my lunch, set out with my father to fetch a walk; which we did to the tune of near six miles, through all the outskirts of the town, an exceedingly low-life ramble indeed—during which we came across a man who was preaching in the street. He had not a very large assembly round him, and we stood in the crowd to hear him. By his own account, he had been imprisoned before for a similar proceeding; and he was denouncing, most vehemently, signal judgments on the blind and wicked corporation who had so stopped the work of righteousness. The man's face was a very fine one, remarkably intelligent and handsome: he was cleanly and well dressed, and had altogether a respectable appearance. When we came home, it was past four. Dressed for dinner. My father dined with Mr. ——; so D—— and I had a tête-à-tête dinner. After which, played on the piano for some time; after which, began letter to H——; after which, wrote journal.
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Yesterday was evacuation day; but as yesterday was the Lord's day also, the American militia army postponed their yearly exhibition, and, instead of rushing about the streets in token of their thankfulness at the departure of the British, they quietly went to church, and praised God for that same. To-day, however, we have had firing of pop-guns, waving of star-spangled banners (some of them rather the worse for wear), infantry marching through the streets, cavalry (oh, Lord, what delicious objects they were!) and artillery prancing along them, to the infinite ecstasy and peril of a dense mob. Went to rehearsal at half-past ten. Was detained full ten minutes on the way thither, by the defiling of troops, who were progressing down Broadway. After rehearsal, came home—put out things for the theatre. Mr. —— called: while he was here, spent a delightful half hour at the window, which, overlooking the Park, commanded a full view of the magnanimous military marshalled there. O, pomp and circumstance of glorious war! They were certainly not quite so bad as Falstaff's men, of ragged memory; for, for aught I know to the contrary, they perhaps all of them had shirts to their backs. But some had gloves, and some had none; some carried their guns one way, and some another; some had caps of one fashion, and some of another; some had no caps at all, but "shocking bad hats," with feathers in them.[64] The infantry were, however, comparatively respectable troops. They did not march many degrees out of the straight line, or stoop too much, or turn their heads round too often. Mr. —— remarked, that militia were seldom more steady and orderly in their appearance. But the cava'ry! oh, the cavalry! what gems without price they were! Apparently extremely frightened at the shambling tituppy chargers upon whose backs they clung, straggling in all directions, putting the admiring crowd in fear of their lives, and proving beyond a doubt how formidable they must appear to the enemy, when, with the most peaceable intentions in the world, they thus jeopardied the safety of their enthusiastic fellow citizens. Bold would have been the man who did not edge backwards into the crowd, as a flock of these worthies a-horseback came down the street—some trotting, some galloping, some racking, some ambling; each and all "witching the world with wondrous horsemanship." If any thing ever might be properly called wondrous, they, their riders and accoutrements, deserve the title. Some wore boots, and some wore shoes, and one independent hero had got on grey stockings and slippers! Some had bright yellow feathers, and some red and black feathers! I remembered, particularly, a doctor, in a black suit, Hessian boots, a cocked hat, and bright yellow gauntlets; another fellow was dressed in the costume of one of the Der Freyschutz's corps: it looked for all the world like a fancy parade. The officers fulfilled completely my idea of Macheath's company of gentlemen of the road; only, I strongly suspect the latter would have been heartily ashamed of the unhappy hacks the evacuation heroes had gotten up upon. The parade terminated with a full half hour's feu de joie.[65]
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The bands of these worthies were worthy of them; half a dozen fifers and drummers playing old English jig tunes. In spite of the folly and injustice of such a comparison, I could not keep out of my head the last soldiers I had seen, those fine tall fellows, the grenadier guards, that used to delight us of a Sunday morning in St. James's Park, and their exquisite band, and dandy-looking officers. Those looked like soldiers, whatever they may fight like; and allowing these excellent good folks to be very lions, look you, I can only say their appearance approached the sublime, by as near as the French critic assures us the extreme of the ridiculous does. Dined at three; —— and —— called after dinner. My father went with Mr. —— to Tammany Hall,[66] where there was a grand democratic dinner, in honour of the triumph of the Jackson party, the mob men here. I sat writing to —— till time to go to the theatre. The play was Isabella; the house crammed; a regular holiday audience—shrieking, shouting, laughing, and rowing, like one of our own Christmas audiences. I acted like a wretch. My dresses looked very handsome, particularly my marriage dress; but my muslin bed-gown was so long that, I set my feet through it the very first thing; and those animaux bêtes, who dragged me off, tore a beautiful point lace veil I had on to tatters, a thing that cost three guineas, if a farthing! My father received a most amusing letter this morning from Lord ——, asking us to come over to Jamaica and act, offering us quarters in his house, and plenty of volunteer actors (did he include himself, I wonder?) to make up a company, if we will come. I should like it very well: to pass the winter in that nice warm climate would be delightful, and I dare say we should find our stay there amusing and agreeable enough. I wish we could do it.
After breakfast, Colonel —— called. Put out things for to-night. At half-past twelve, went out with my father and Colonel ——. Called upon his honour, the Recorder, but he was in court, and not to be seen. Walked down to the Battery. The day was most lovely, like an early day in June in England: my merino gown was intolerable, and I was obliged to take a parasol with me, the sun was so powerful. The Battery was, as usual, totally deserted, though the sky, and shores, and beautiful bright bay, were smiling in perfect loveliness. A delicious fresh breeze came wandering over the wide estuary; and graceful boats, with their full sails glittering in the sun, glided to and fro, swift and strong, over the smooth waters, like summer clouds across the blue heavens—as silently, as rapidly, as tracklessly.[67]
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Came home at half-past one. Found a card from Mrs. ——. I'm sorry I didn't see her. —— called, with one Mr. ——, kinsman to the authoress.
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While they were here, Mrs. —— called to settle about to-morrow's ride. Mr. and Mrs. —— arriving, the rest departed. We dined at three. After dinner, came to my own room; wrote journal; went on with letter to ——. At half-past five, went to the theatre. Play, the Gamester; my father's benefit; the house was very good. I played pretty well. Mr. —— thoroughly bothered me, by standing six yards behind me: what a complete stroller's trick that is. So we are to act on Saturday. If I can go to the opera, all the same, I sha'n't mind so much; but I will be in most horrible dudgeon if it prevents that, for I want to hear this new prima donna. Mr. —— was behind the scenes, and —— wrapt, in his usual seat: he's a delightful bit of audience. Received a bill of the intended performances for Thursday, Mr. ——'s benefit; and such another farce as the whole thing is I never heard of; as Mr. —— says, "the benefit of humbug," indeed.
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Came home. While we were at supper, my father showed me a note he had received from ——, which, to use a most admirable vulgarism, struck me all of a heap. A sort of threatening letter, desiring him, as he valued his interest, to come forward and offer to act Charles the Second for the said Mr. ——'s benefit, having already agreed to act in one piece, for said Mr. ——'s benefit. "O monstrous! monstrous! most unnatural!" What a vulgar wretch the man must be!
Mary ——'s wedding day! Poor lassie! I looked at the bright morning sun with pleasure for her sake. After breakfast, sat reading the poems of Willis, a young man, whose works, young as they evidently are, would have won him some consideration in any but such a thorough work-day world as this. I cried a good deal over some of this man's verses. I thought some of them beautiful; and 'tis the property of beauty to stir the wells of my soul sadly, rather than cast sunshine over them. I think all things are sad. 'Tis sad to hear sweet music; 'tis sad to read fine poetry; 'tis sad to look upon the beautiful face of a fair woman; 'tis sad to behold the unclouded glory of a summer's sky. There is a deep and lingering tone in the harmony of all beauty that resounds in our souls with too full and solemn a vibration for pleasure alone. In fact, intensity, even of joy and delight, is in itself serious; 'tis impossible to be fulfilled with emotion of any sort, and not feel as though we were within the shadow of a cloud.[68] I remember when first I recited Juliet to my mother, she said I spoke the balcony scene almost sadly. Was not such deep, deep love too strong, too passionate, too pervading, to be uttered with the light laughing voice of pleasure? Was not that love, even in its fulness of joy, sad—awful? However, perhaps, I do but see through my own medium, and fancy it the universal one. My eyes are dark, and most things look darkly through them. At about twelve o'clock Mrs. —— called for me; and, escorted by her husband and Mr. ——, we rode forth to visit the island. We went to a pretty cottage belonging to Mr. ——'s father-in-law, Dr. ——. The day was still and grey—a pleasant day; there was no sunshine, but neither were there any dark shadows. My horse had been ill ridden by somebody or another, and was mighty disagreeable. Our ride was pleasant enough: there was not much variety in the country we passed through. Masses of granite and greenish basalt, wild underwood, and vivid bright-looking cedar bushes. The Hudson lay leaden and sullen under the wings of the restless wind. We stood to hear the delicious music of the water plashing against the rocky shore, which is the pleasantest sound in all the world. We then rode to a place ycleped Hell-gate,[69] from a dangerous current in the East river, where ships have been lost—and home through the mellow sunlight of a warm autumnal afternoon. Came in at a little past four. Devoured sundry puddings and pies; put out clothes for the evening; dined at five. My father dined at ——'s: I've an especial fancy for that man. After dinner, sat making blonde tippet, and strumming on the piano till eight. Drank tea, dressed, and off to Mrs. ——'s "small party, my dear."
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The people here have no conscience about the questions they ask, and, as I have one in answering, and always give them "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth," it follows that nothing can be more disagreeable than their queries, except my replies. Mr. —— was there; I like him: he has something in him, and is not vulgar or impertinent. Was introduced to a very handsome French creole woman,[70] whom I liked: she reminded me of my mother, and her son bore a striking resemblance to dear ——. We stood up to dance a couple of quadrilles; but as they had not one distinct idea of what the figures were, the whole was a mess of running about, explaining, jostling, and awkward blundering.[71] I took greatly to the governess of the family, a German woman, with a right German face, a nice person, with quiet simple manners. The women's voices here distract me; so loud, so rapid, and with such a twang! What a pity! for they are, almost without an exception, lovely looking creatures, with an air of refinement in their appearance, which would be very attractive, but for their style of dress, and those said tremendous shrill loud voices.[72] Came home at twelve o'clock. My favourite aversion, Mrs. ——, was there.
My birth-day
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After breakfast, sat writing to dear —— for some time. Put out things for the theatre, and went to rehearsal. My father has received a most comical note from one ——, a Scotch gardener, florist, and seedsman; the original, by the by, of Galt's Lawrie Todd,—and original enough he must be. The note expresses a great desire that my father and myself will call upon him, for that he wishes very much to look at us—that the hours of the theatre are too late for him, and that besides, he wants to see us as ourselves, and not as "kings and princesses." I have entreated my father to go: this man must be worth knowing. I shall certainly keep his note. After rehearsal, came home. Wrote to ——, to dear ——. Mr. —— called; also Colonel ——, who gave an account of the proceedings of the committee for ——'s benefit, which, added to the gentleman's own note to my father, thoroughly disgusted me. And here I do solemnly swear, never again, with my own good will, to become acquainted with any man in any way connected with the public press. They are utterly unreliable people, generally; their vocation requires that they should be so; and the very few exceptions I must forego, for however I might like them, I can neither respect nor approve of their trade; for trade it is in the vilest sense of the word. Dined at five. After dinner Mr. and Mrs. —— came in.
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At eight, went to the theatre. The house was, in consequence of the raised prices, only three parts full. I just caught a glimpse of Forrest in the fourth act of Brutus. What an enormous man he is! After the play came sundry songs and recitations, and then Katharine and Petruchio. I did not play well: the actors were very inattentive, as well as stupid, and annoyed my father very much. The pit was half filled with women, opera fashion, who, for the greater attraction of the night, and satisfaction of themselves, were allowed to sit out of their proper places: to be sure they had the pleasure of the society of the volunteer heroes, who, for the benefit of Mr. ——, were all in full uniform. What an absurdity! Swallowed an ice. Saw ——, also Mr. ——, and young —— behind the scenes. Came home and supped. Colonel —— called, and discussed, first, the farce on the boards; then the farce before the curtain; finally, the farce of life, which, to my mind, is but a melancholy one.
How the time goes! Bless the old traveller, how he posts along! After breakfast, Mrs. —— and her son, and Mr. —— called. I like the latter; his manners are very good, and he is altogether more like a gentleman than most men here. When they were gone, walked out with my father to ——'s. The day was grey, and cold, and damp—a real November day, such as we know them. We held the good man's note, and steered our course by it, and in process of time entered a garden, passed through a green-house, and arrived in an immense and most singularly-arranged seed-shop, with galleries running round it, and the voice of a hundred canaries resounding through it. I don't know why, but it reminded me of a place in the Arabian Nights. "Is Mr. —— within?" shouted forth my father, seeing no one in this strange-looking abode. "Yes, he is," was replied from somewhere, by somebody. We looked about, and presently, with his little grey bullet head, and shrewd piercing eyes, just appearing above the counter, we detected the master of the house. My father stepped up to him with an air like the Duke of ——, and, returning his coarse curiously-folded note to him, said, "I presume I am addressing Mr. ——: this, sir," drawing me forward, "is Miss Fanny Kemble." The little man snatched off his spectacles, rushed round the counter, rubbed his enormous hand upon his blue stuff apron, and held it out to us with a most hearty welcome. He looked at us for some time, and then exclaimed, "Ha! ye're her father. Well, ye'll have married pretty early—ye look very young: I should not have been sae much surprised if ye had called her ye're wife!" I laughed, and my father smiled at this compliment, which was recommended by a broad Scotch twang, which always sounds sweetly in my ears. The little man, whose appearance is that of a dwarf in some fairy tale, then went on to tell us how Galt had written a book all about him; how it was, almost word for word, his own story; how he had come to this country in early life, with three halfpence in his pocket, and a nail and hammer in his hand, for all worldly substance; how he had earned his bread by making nails, which was his business in Scotland; how, one day, passing by some flowers exposed for sale, he had touched a geranium leaf by accident, and, charmed with its fragrance, bought it, having never seen one before; how, with fifteen dollars in his pocket, he commenced the business of a florist and gardener; and how he had refused as many thousand dollars for his present prosperous concern; how, when he first came to New York, the place opposite his garden, where now stands a handsome modern dwelling-house, was the site of a shed where he did his first bit of work; how, after six-and-twenty years' absence from Scotland, he returned home; how he came to his father's house—"'Twas on a bright morning in August—the eighth of August, just, it was—when I went through the door. I knew all the old passages so well: I opened the parlour door, and there, according to the good old Scottish custom, the family were going to prayers afore breakfast. There was the old Bible on the table, and the old clock ticking in the corner of the room; there was my father in his own old chair, exactly just where I had left him six-and-twenty years gone by. The very shovel and tongs by the fire were the same; I knew them all. I just sat down, and cried as sweetly as ever a man did in his life." These were, as nearly as I can recollect, his words; and oh, what a story! His manner, too, was indescribably vivid and graphic. My father's eyes filled with tears. He stretched out his hand, and grasped and shook the Scotchman's hand repeatedly without speaking; I never saw him more excited. I never was more struck myself with the wonderful strangeness of this bewildering life. He showed us the foot of a rude rustic-looking table. "That," he said, "was cut from out the hawthorn hedge that grows by my father's house; and this," showing us a wooden bowl, "is what I take my parritch in!" I asked him if he never meant to leave this country, and return to bonny Scotland. He said, No, never: he might return, but he never meant to settle any where but here. "For," added he, "I have grown what I am in it, madam, and 'tis a fine country for the poor." He had been an early martyr, too, to his political opinions; and, when only nineteen years of age, had been imprisoned in Edinburgh for advocating the cause of that very reform which the people are at this moment crying jubilee over in England. He seemed to rejoice in this country, as in the wide common land of political freedom, unbounded by the limits of long-established prejudice, unbroken by the deep trenches which divide class from class in the cultivated soil of the old world. I could have listened to this strange oracle for a day; but in the midst of his discourse he was summoned to dinner; and presenting his son to us, who presented a nosegay to me, left us to wander about his singular domain. His father, by the by, is still alive, and residing within six miles of Edinburgh, a man of ninety years and upwards. We walked about the shop, visited the birds, who are taken most admirable care of, and are extremely beautiful. I saw several mocking birds: they should sing well, for they are not pretty. Their plumage is of a dull grey colour, and they are clumsy-looking birds.[73] Saw two beautiful African widow birds, with their jet black hoods and trains. Saw an English blackbird, and thrush, in cages. They made my heart ach. I wonder if they ever think of the red ripe cracking cherries, the rich orchard lands, and the hawthorn-hedged lanes in the summer sunsets of dear England? I did for them. We then went and looked at a tank full of beautiful gold fish, as they indiscriminately called them. But though the greater number were the glittering scarlet creatures usually so denominated, some were of the richest purple, with a soft dark bloom playing over their sides; others, again, were perfectly brown, with a glancing golden light shining through their scales; others were palest silver; others, again, mingled the dazzling scarlet with spots of the most beautiful gloomy violet, like dark-coloured jewels set in fire. Their tank was planted with the roots of aquatic vegetables, which, in summer, spread their cool leaves over the water, which is perpetually renewed by means of an escape, and a little silvery fountain which keeps bubbling up in the midst. They seemed very happy, and devoured sundry pieces of wafer paper, while we admired them at our leisure. Saw an India-rubber tree, a very young one, which had not attained its full growth. 'Tis a fine broad-leaved tree, unlike any that I ever saw before. After dawdling about very satisfactorily for some time, we departed from the dwelling of Lawrie Todd. Of a verity, "truth is strange, stranger than fiction." Went to a bookseller's. I bought a Bible for little ——; my father, a Shakspeare for ——. Came home. Mr. —— called, and gossiped some time with me. Told me a bit of scandal, of which I had some slight suspicion before, i. e. that Mr. —— was pretty Mrs. ——'s very devoted. At half-past four dressed for dinner. Colonel —— called just as we were going to dinner. At five, my father and I went to Mrs. ——'s. A pleasant dinner. I like him enough, and I like her very much. She is extremely pretty, and very pleasant. Sat by that tall ninny, Mr. ——, who uttered inanity the whole of dinner-time. After dinner, the usual entertaining half hour among the ladies passed in looking over caricatures. When the men joined us, Mr. —— came and sat down by me, and in the course of a few minutes, poor Lord —— having by chance been mentioned, we fell into English talk; and it appears that he knows sundry of my gracious patrons; among the rest, the ——s. He had been at ——; and it pleased me to speak of it again. But what in the name of all wonders could possess him with the idea that Lady —— was guilty of editing the Comic Annual. Was asked to sing, and sang "Ah no ben mio" pretty well. Mr. —— sang a thing of his own very well, though it was not in itself worth much. Discussed all manner of prima donnas with him. At half-past nine, D—— came for me, and we proceeded to the ——s. The people here never tell one when they mean to dance; the consequence is, that one is completely put out about one's toilet. I was in a black satin dress; and dancing in these hot rooms, might as well have been in a pall.
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In the middle of the evening, Dr. —— asked if I would allow him to introduce to me one Mr. ——, a very delightful man, full of abilities, and writer in such and such a paper. I immediately called to mind my resolution, and refused. In the mean time, Mrs. ——, less scrupulous, and without asking my leave, brought the gentleman up, and introduced him. I was most ungracious and forbidding, and meant to be so. I am sorry for this, but I cannot help it: he is ——'s brother, too, which makes me doubly sorry. As he is an agreeable man, and ——'s brother, I esteem and reverence him; but, as he belongs to the press gang, I will not know him. The room was full of pretty women, one prettier than another. I danced myself half dead, and came home. By the by, was introduced to young ——, who, at the corner of a street, with a red cap on his head, might pass for a capital hickory pole. Mrs. ——'s bed-room, where we left our cloaks, made my heart ach. 'Twas exactly like my dear little bed-room at home; the bed, the furniture, and the rose-coloured lining, all the same.
First day of the last month of the year—go it, old fellow! I'm sick of the road, and would be at my journey's end. Got two hundred dollars from my father, and immediately after breakfast sallied forth: paid bills and visits, and came home. Found my father sitting with our kinsman, Mr. ——, busily discussing the family origin, root, branches, and all. We are an old family, they say, but the direct line is lost after Charles the Second's reign. Our kinsman is a nice man, with a remarkably fine face, with which I was greatly struck. When he was gone, persuaded my father to come down and take a breathing on the Battery with me. And a breathing it was with a vengeance. The wind blew tempestuously, the waters, all troubled and rough, were of a yellow green colour, breaking into short, strong, angry waves, whose glittering white crests the wind carried away, as they sank to the level surface again. The shores were all cold, distinct, sharp-cut, and wintry-looking, the sky was black and gloomy, with now and then a watery wan sunlight running through it. The wind was so powerful, we could scarcely keep our legs. My sleeves and skirts fluttered in the blast, my bonnet was turned front part behind, my nose was blue, my cheeks were crimson, my hair was all tangled, my breath was gone, my blood was in a glow: what a walk! Met dear Dr. ——, whom I love. Came in—dined. After dinner, bethought me that I had not called upon Mrs. ——, according to promise. Sent for a coach, and set forth thither; didn't know the number, so drove up Spring Street, and down Spring Street, and finally stopped at a shop, got a directory, and found the address. Sat a few minutes with her, and at five o'clock left her. The day was already gone—the gloamin come. The keen cutting wind whizzed along the streets; huge masses of dark clouds, with soft brown edges, lay on the pale delicate blue of the evening sky. The moon was up, clear, cold, and radiant; the crowd had ebbed away from the busy thoroughfare, and only a few men in great-coats buttoned up to their chins, and women wrapped in cloaks, were scudding along in the dim twilight and the bitter wind towards their several destinations, with a frozen shuddering look that made me laugh. I had got perished in the coach, and seeing that the darkness covered me, determined to walk home, and bade the coach follow me. How pleasant it was! I walked tremendously fast, enjoying the fresh breath of the north, and looking at the glittering moon, as she rode high in the evening sky. How I do like walking alone—being alone; for this alone I wish I were a man. At half-past five, went to the theatre. The house was crammed; play, Hunchback. I missed —— from his accustomed seat, and found that like a very politician he had changed sides. I played abominably; my voice was weak and fagged. After the play, Katharine and Petruchio. I played that better; my father was admirable—it went off delightfully. When it was over, they called for my father, and with me in his hand he went on. The pit rose to us like Christians, and shouted and hallooed as I have been used to hear. I felt sorry to leave them: they are a pleasant audience to act to, and exceedingly civil to us, and I have got rather attached to them. New York, too, seems nearer home than any other place, and I felt sorry to leave it. When we had withdrawn, and were going up stairs, we heard three distinct and tremendous cheers. On asking what that meant, we learnt 'twas a compliment to us—thank 'em kindly. Came home: found Mr. —— had sent me Contarini Fleming. Began reading it, and could scarce eat my supper for doing so.
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While dressing, received a "sweet note" from Mrs. ——, accompanied with a volume of Bryant's poetry, which, as I like very much, I am her obliged. Swallowed two mouthfuls of bread, and away to church. It was very crowded, and a worthy woman had taken possession of the corner seat in Mr. ——'s pew, with a fidgetting little child, which she kept dancing up and down every two minutes: though in church, I wished for the days of King Herod. What strange thoughts did occur to me to-day during service! 'Tis the first Sunday in Advent. The lesson for the day contained the history of the Annunciation. What a mystery our belief is! how seldom it is that we consider and, as it were, take hold of what we say we believe, and when we do so, how bewildered and lost we become,—how lost among a thousand wild imaginations,—how driven to and fro by a thousand doubts,—how wrecked amidst a thousand fears! Surely we should be humble: we should indeed remember that we cannot know, and not strive for that knowledge which our souls will lose themselves in seeking for, and our overstrained minds crack in reaching at.
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At the end of service they sang Luther's hymn. I cried with nervous excitement, not at that, but at my recollection of Braham's singing it with that terrible trumpet accompaniment, that used to make my heart stand still and listen. Stayed and took the sacrament.
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Came home: found a whole regiment of men. His honour the Recorder, who is my especial delight, Mr. ——, ——, whom I greatly affection; to these presently entered Mr. —— and Mr. ——. They one by one bade me good-by; how disagreeable that is, that good-by! Mr. —— read me a passage out of one of Jeffrey's letters, describing an English fine lady. The picture is admirable, and most faithful; they are, indeed, polished, brilliant, smooth as ice, as slippery, as treacherous, as cold. When they were all gone, Colonel —— gave me to read the descriptive sketch of the French opera, La Tentation, that has been setting all Paris wild. What an atrocious piece of blasphemy, indecency, and folly—what a thoroughly French invention. Mad people! mad people! mad people! Looked over bills, settled accounts, righted desk, tore up papers; among others, sundry anonymous love-letters that I had treasured up as specimens of the purely funny in composition, but which began to take up too much room. Dressed for dinner. After dinner, sat writing journal, and reading Contarini Fleming.
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Rose at half-past four. The sky was black as death, but in the night winter had chopped his mantle on the earth, and there it lay, cold, and purely white, against the inky sky. Dressed: crammed away all the gleanings of the packing, and in thaw, and sleet, and rain, drove down to the steam-boat. Went directly to the cabin. On my way thither, managed to fall down half-a-dozen steep steps, and give myself as many bruises. I was picked up and led to a bed, where I slept profoundly till breakfast time. Our kinsman, Mr. ——, was our fellow-passenger: I like him mainly. After breakfast, returned to my crib. As I was removing Contarini Fleming, in order to lie down, a lady said to me, "Let me look at one of those books;" and, without further word of question of or acknowledgment, took it from my hand, and began reading. I was a little surprised, but said nothing, and went to sleep. Presently I was roused by a pull on the shoulder, and another lady, rather more civil, and particularly considerate, asked me to do her the favour of lending her the other. I said, by all manner of means, wished her at the devil, and turned round to sleep once more. Arrived at Amboy, we disembarked and bundled ourselves into our coach, ourselves, our namesake, and a pretty quiet lady, who was going, in much heaviness of heart, to see a sick child. The roads were unspeakable; the day most delightfully disagreeable. My bruises made the saltatory movements of our crazy conveyance doubly torturing; in short, all things were the perfection of misery. I attempted to read, but found it utterly impossible to do so. Arrived at the Delaware, we took boat again; and, as I was sitting very quietly reading Contarini Fleming, with the second volume lying on the stool at my feet, the same unceremonious lady who had borrowed it before snatched it up without addressing a single syllable to me, read as long as she pleased, and threw it down again in the same style when she went to dinner. Now I know that half the people here, if they were to read that in Mrs. Trollope, would say, "Oh, but you know she could not have been a lady, 'tis not fair to judge of our manners by the vulgar specimens of American society which a steam-boat may afford." Very true: but granting that she was not a lady (which she certainly was not), supposing her to have been a housemaid, or any thing else of equal pretensions to good breeding, the way to judge is by comparing her, not with ladies in other countries, but with housemaids, persons in her own condition of life; and 'tis most certain that no person whatsoever, however ignorant, low, or vulgar, in England, would have done such a thing as that. But the mixture of the republican feeling of equality peculiar to this country, and the usual want of refinement common to the lower classes of most countries, forms a singularly felicitous union of impudence and vulgarity, to be met with no where but in America.[74] Arrived at the Mansion House, which I was quite glad to see again. Installed myself in a room, and, while they brought in the packages, finished Contarini Fleming. It reminded me of Combes' book: I wonder whether he is turning phrenologist at all? those physiological principles were the bosom friends of the Combes' phrenological ones. Stowed away my things, made a delicious huge wood fire, dressed myself, and went down to dinner. Our kinsman dined with us. Mr. —— came in while we were at dinner. After dinner, came up to my room, continued unpacking and putting away my things till near nine o'clock. When we went down to tea, my father was lying on the sofa asleep, and a man was sitting with his back to the door, reading the newspaper. He looked up as we came in: it was ——, whom I greatly rejoiced to see again. During tea, he told us all the Philadelphia gossip. So the ladies are all getting up upon horses, and wearing the "Kemble cap," as they call Lady ——'s device. How she would laugh if she could hear it; how I did laugh when I did hear it. The Kemble cap, forsooth! thus it is that great originators too often lose the fame of their inventions, and that the glory of a new idea passes by the head that conceived it, to encircle, as with a halo, that of some mere imitator; thus it is that this very big world comes to be called America, and not Columbia, as it ought to; thus it is—etc., etc., etc. He sat for some time. Saw poor Mrs. ——.
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She is better, poor thing; I like her amazingly.
After breakfast practised for two hours. —— called and stayed some time. Came up to my own room; wrote journal: while doing so a note containing two cards, and an invitation to "tea," from the Miss ——s was brought to me. Presently I was called down to receive our kinsman, who sat some time with me, whom I like most especially, who is a gentleman, and a very nice person. Came up and resumed my journal: was again summoned down to see young Mr. ——.
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When he was gone, finished journal, wrote to Mrs. ——, to my mother, read a canto in Dante, and began to write a novel. Dined at five. After dinner, put out things for this evening, played on the piano, mended habit shirt, dressed myself, and at a quarter to ten went to the theatre for my father. I had on the same dress I wore at Devonshire House, the night of the last ball I was at in England, and looked at myself in amazement, to think of all the strangenesses that have befallen since then. We proceeded to Miss ——'s, and this tea-party turned out to be a very crowded dance, in small rooms upon carpets, and with a roasting fire. Was introduced to all the world and his wife. Dr. —— claimed acquaintance with us, and danced with me: I like his manners very much. I have beheld Miss ——, and should doubtless now depart in peace.
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Lord! Lord! what fools men and women do make themselves. Was introduced to one Mr. ——, Mr. ——'s partner, whom I received graciously for the sake of the good days on board the Pacific. Came away at a little after twelve. I never felt any thing like the heat of the rooms, or heard any thing so strange as the questions the people ask one, or saw any thing more lovely than the full moonlight on the marble buildings of Philadelphia.
After breakfast, practised: Mr. and Mrs. —— called, also Dr. ——. Went and saw poor Mrs. —— for a little time; she interests me most extremely—I like her very very much. Came up to my own room; read a canto of Dante. Was called down to see folk, and found the drawing-room literally thronged. The first face I made out was Mr. ——'s, for whom I have taken an especial love: two ladies, a whole load of men, and Mr. ——, who had brought me a curious piece of machinery, in the shape of a musical box, to look at. It contained a little bird, no larger than a large fly, with golden and purple wings, and a tiny white beak. On the box being wound up, this little creature flew out, and, perching itself on the brink of a gold basin, began fluttering its wings, opening its beak, and uttering sundry very melodious warblings, in the midst of which, it sank suddenly down, and disappeared, the lid closed, and there was an end. What a pity 'tis that we can only realise fairy-land through the means of machinery. One reason why there is no such thing left as the believing faculty among men, is because they have themselves learnt to make magic, and perform miracles. When the coast was once more clear, I returned to my room, got out things for the theatre, dined tête-à-tête with D——; my father dined at the public table. After dinner, came up stairs, read Grahame, wrote journal, began my novel under another shape. I can't write prose; (query, can I any thing else?) I don't know how, but my sentences are the comicalest things in the world; the end forgets the beginning, and the whole is a perfect labyrinth of parenthesis within parenthesis. Perhaps, by the by, without other view, it would be just as well if I exercised myself a little in writing my own language, as the grammar hath it, "with elegance and propriety." At half-past five, went to the theatre. The play was Romeo and Juliet; the house not good. Mr. —— played Romeo.
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I acted like a wretch, of course; how could I do otherwise? Oh, Juliet! vision of the south! rose of the garden of the earth! was this the glorious hymn that Shakspeare hallowed to your praise? was this the mingled strain of Love's sweet going forth, and Death's dark victory, over which my heart and soul have been poured out in wonder and ecstasy?—How I do loathe the stage! these wretched, tawdry, glittering rags, flung over the breathing forms of ideal loveliness; these miserable, poor, and pitiful substitutes for the glories with which poetry has invested her magnificent and fair creations—the glories with which our imagination reflects them back again. What a mass of wretched mumming mimicry acting is! Pasteboard and paint, for the thick breathing orange groves of the south; green silk and oiled parchment, for the solemn splendour of her noon of night; woolen platforms and canvass curtains, for the solid marble balconies and rich dark draperies of Juliet's sleeping-chamber, that shrine of love and beauty; rouge, for the startled life-blood in the cheek of that young passionate woman; an actress, a mimicker, a sham creature, me, in fact, or any other one, for that loveliest and most wonderful conception, in which all that is true in nature, and all that is exquisite in fancy, are moulded into a living form. To act this! to act Romeo and Juliet! horror! horror! how I do loathe my most impotent and unpoetical craft!
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In the last scene of the play, I was so mad with the mode in which all the preceding ones had been perpetrated, that, lying over Mr. ——'s corpse, and fumbling for his dagger, which I could not find, I, Juliet, thus apostrophised him,—Romeo being dead—"why, where the devil is your dagger, Mr. ——!" What a disgusting travesty. On my return home, I expressed my entire determination to my father to perform the farce of Romeo and Juliet no more. Why, it's an absolute shame that one of Shakspeare's plays should be thus turned into a mockery. I received a note from young Mr. ——, accompanied by a very curious nosegay in shells; a poor substitute for the breathing, fresh, rosy flowers he used to furnish me with, when I was last here.