2. The psychical love manifest in these men is, for the most part, exaggerated and exalted in the same way as their sexual instinct is manifested in consciousness, with a strange and even compelling force.
3. By the side of the functional signs of degeneration attending contrary sexual feeling are found other functional, and in many cases anatomical, evidences of degeneration.
4. Neuroses (hysteria, neurasthenia, epileptoid states, etc.) co-exist. Almost always the existence of temporary or lasting neurasthenia may be proved. As a rule, this is constitutional, having its root in congenital conditions. It is awakened and maintained by masturbation or enforced abstinence.
In male individuals, owing to these practices or to congenital disposition, there is finally neurasthenia sexualis, which manifests itself essentially in irritable weakness of the ejaculation centre. Thus it is explained that, in most of the cases, simply embracing and kissing, or even only the sight of the loved person, induce the act of ejaculation. Frequently this is accompanied by an abnormally powerful feeling of lustful pleasure, which may be so intense as to suggest a feeling of magnetic currents passing through the body.
5. In the majority of cases, psychical anomalies (brilliant endowment in art, especially music, poetry, etc., by the side of bad intellectual powers or original eccentricity) are present, which may even go so far as pronounced conditions of mental degeneration (dementia, moral insanity).
In many urnings, either temporarily or permanently, insanity of a degenerative character (pathological emotional states, periodical insanity, paranoia, etc.) makes its appearance.
6. In almost all cases where an examination of the physical and mental peculiarities of the ancestors and blood-relations has been possible, neuroses, psychoses, degenerative signs, etc., have been found in the families.[109]
The depth of congenital contrary feeling is shown by the fact that the lustful dream of the male-loving urning has for its content only male individuals; that of the female-loving woman, only female individuals, with corresponding situations.
The observation of Westphal, that the consciousness of one congenitally defective in sexual desires toward the opposite sex is painfully affected by the impulse toward the same sex, is true in only a number of cases. Indeed, in many instances, the consciousness of the abnormality of the condition is wanting. The majority of urnings are happy in their perverse sexual feeling and impulse, and unhappy only in so far as social and legal barriers stand in the way of the satisfaction of their instinct toward their own sex.
The study of contrary sexual feeling points directly to anomalies of the cerebral organization of the affected individuals. Gley (Revue philosoph., January, 1884) believes that he is able to solve the riddle by the theory that the individuals have a female brain and male sexual glands; and, further, that pathological brain conditions determine the sexual life, while normally the sexual organs determine the sexual functions of the brain.
One of my patients offered me an interesting theory in explanation of original contrary sexual instinct. He started with the actual bi-sexuality shown by the fœtus anatomically up to a certain age. While normally the organs which attain complete development exclusively condition and determine the sexual type, and the influence of the opposite organs, which remain rudimentary, is nil, it is conceivable that, under the influence of a factor inimical to the normal development of the brain (hereditary taint, etc.), these rudimentary organs likewise exercise an influence which, under certain circumstances, may be even greater than that of the fully developed organs which determine the external sexual type.
In a similar manner, Kiernan (Medical Standard, 1888) and G. Frank Lydston (Phila. Med. and Surg. Reporter, 1888) attempt to explain a part of the cases of congenital sexual paranoia. Magnan, too (Ann. méd. psychol., 1885, p. 458), writes, in all earnestness, of the brain of a woman in the body of a man, and vice versâ.[110]
The attempted explanations of congenital urnings are not less superficial; for instance, that of Ulrichs, who, in his “Memnon,” 1868, speaks of an “anima muliebris virili corpore inclusa (virili corpori innata),” and thus tries to explain the congenital origin and the female character of his abnormal sexual instinct. The idea of the patient, the subject of Case 124, is original. He supposes that when his father begat him he thought to beget a girl, but, instead of a girl, a boy resulted. One of the strangest explanations of congenital contrary sexual feeling is made by Mantegazza (op. cit., p. 106, 1886).
According to this author, in such individuals there exist anatomical anomalies which, by an error of Nature, consist in a distribution to the rectum of the nerves intended for the genitals; so that only in this situation the lustful sensation is aroused which otherwise results from stimulation of the genitals. But how does this author, in other ways so acute, explain the great majority of cases, where pederasty is abhorred by those affected with contrary sexual feeling? Besides, Nature never makes such leaps. Mantegazza rests his hypothesis upon the statements of an acquaintance, a celebrated writer, who assured him that he was not sure that he took a greater pleasure in coitus than in defecation! Allowing the correctness of his experience, still it would only prove that the man was sexually abnormal, and that his pleasure in coitus was reduced to a minimum.
An explanation of congenital contrary sexual feeling may perhaps be found in the fact that it represents a peculiarity bred in descendants, but arising in ancestry. The hereditary factor might be an acquired abnormal inclination for the same sex in the ancestors (v. infra), found fixed as a congenital abnormal manifestation in the descendants. Since, according to experience, acquired physical and mental peculiarities, not simply improvements, but essentially defects, are transmitted, this hypothesis becomes tenable. Since individuals affected with contrary sexual feeling not infrequently beget children,—at least, they are not absolutely impotent (women never are),—a transmission to descendants is possible.
This supposition is decidedly favored by Case 124, in which the eight-year-old daughter of an individual affected with contrary sexual feeling, practiced mutual masturbation—a sexual act—at an age which permits the presumption of contrary sexual feeling. No less significant is the communication made to me by a young man of twenty-six, who belongs to the third group of contrary sexuality. He knew with certainty that his father, who had died some years before, was also subject to contrary sexuality. An informant assured me, at least, that he knew many other men with whom his father had sustained “relations.” Whether, in the case of the father, it was an acquired or a congenital contrary sexual instinct, and to what group he belonged, could not be ascertained.
The foregoing hypothesis seems the more plausible, when it is considered that the first three degrees of congenital contrary sexual instinct correspond exactly with the developmental stages which are discoverable in the development of the acquired anomaly. One, therefore, feels inclined to designate the various degrees of congenital contrary sexual instinct as various degrees of an hereditarily-induced sexual anomaly, acquired from the progenitors or otherwise developed. Here, too, the law of progressive heredity must be taken into consideration.
The sexual acts, by means of which male urnings seek and find satisfaction, are multifarious. There are individuals, of fine feeling and strength of will, who sometimes satisfy themselves with platonic love, with the risk, however, of becoming nervous (neurasthenic) and insane, as a result of this enforced abstinence. In other instances, for the same reasons which may lead normal individuals to avoid coitus, onanism, faut de mieux, is indulged in.
In urnings with nervous systems congenitally irritable, or injured by onanism (irritable weakness of the ejaculation centre), simple embraces or caresses, with or without contact of the genitals, are sufficient to induce ejaculation and consequent satisfaction. In less irritable individuals, the sexual act consists of manustupration by the loved person, or mutual onanism, or imitation of coitus between the thighs. In urnings morally perverse and potent, quoad erectionem, the sexual desire is satisfied by pederasty,—an act, however, which is repugnant to perverted individuals that are not defective morally, much in the same way as it is to normal men. The statement of urnings is remarkable, that the sexual act with persons of the same sex, which is adequate for them, gives them a feeling of great satisfaction and accession of strength, while satisfaction by solitary onanism, or by enforced coitus with a woman, affects them in an unfavorable way, making them miserable and increasing their neurasthenic symptoms. The manner of satisfaction of the female urning is little known. In one of my cases, the girl masturbated, and during the act felt herself to be a man; and her fancy created a beloved female person. In another case, the act consisted of practicing onanism on the person loved, and fondling her genitals.
Amor lesbicus is presumably not infrequent here, for which an enlarged clitoris or an artificial priapus may be used.
As to the frequency[111] of the occurrence of the anomaly, it is difficult to reach a just conclusion, since those affected with it break from their reserve only very infrequently; and in criminal cases the urning with perversion of sexual instinct is usually classed with the person given to pederasty for simply vicious reasons. According to Casper’s and Tardieu’s, as well as my own, experience, this anomaly is much more frequent than reported cases would lead us to presume.
Ulrichs (“Kritische Pfeile,” p. 2, 1880) declares that, on an average, there is one person affected with contrary sexual instinct to every two hundred mature men, or to every eight hundred of the population; and that the percentage among the Magyars and South Slavs is still greater,—statements which may be regarded as untrustworthy. The subject of one of my cases knows personally, at his home (13,000 inhabitants), fourteen urnings. He further declares that he is acquainted with at least eighty in a city of 60,000 inhabitants. It is to be presumed that this man, otherwise worthy of belief, makes no distinction between the congenital and the acquired anomaly.
1. Psychical Hermaphroditism.[112]—The characteristic mark of this degree of inversion of the sexual instinct is that, by the side of the pronounced sexual instinct and desire for the same sex, a desire toward the opposite sex is present; but the latter is much weaker and is manifested episodically only, while the homo-sexuality is primary, and, in time and intensity, forms the most striking feature of the vita sexualis.
The hetero-sexual instinct may be but rudimentary, manifesting itself simply in unconscious (dream) life; or (episodically, at least) it may be powerfully exhibited.
The sexual instinct toward the opposite sex may be strengthened by the exercise of will and self-control; by moral treatment, and possibly by hypnotic suggestion; by improvement of the constitution and the removal of neuroses (neurasthenia); but especially by abstinence from masturbation. However, there is always the danger that homo-sexual feelings, in that they are the most powerful, may become permanent, and lead to enduring and exclusive contrary sexual instinct. This is especially to be feared as a result of the influences of masturbation (just as in acquired inversion of the sexual instinct) and its neurasthenia and consequent exacerbations; and, further, it is to be found as a consequence of unfavorable experiences in sexual intercourse with persons of the opposite sex (defective feeling of pleasure in coitus, failure in coitus on account of weakness of erection and premature ejaculation, infection). On the other hand, it is possible that æsthetic and ethical sympathy with persons of the opposite sex may favor the development of hetero-sexual desires. Thus it happens that the individual, according to the predominance of favorable or unfavorable influences, experiences now hetero-sexual, now homo-sexual, feeling.
It seems to me probable that such hermaphrodites from constitutional taint are not infrequent.[113] Since they attract very little attention socially, and since such secrets of married life are only exceptionally brought to the knowledge of the physician, it is at once apparent why this interesting and practically important transitional group to the group of absolute contrary sexuality, has thus far escaped scientific investigation. Many cases of frigiditas uxoris and mariti may possibly depend upon this anomaly. Sexual intercourse with the opposite sex is, in itself, possible. At any rate, in cases of this degree, no horror sexus alterius exists. Here is a fertile field for the application of medical and moral therapeutics (v. infra). The differential diagnosis from acquired contrary sexual instinct may present difficulties; for in such cases, as long as the vestiges of a normal sexual instinct are not absolutely lost, the actual symptoms are the same (v. infra). In the first degree, the sexual satisfaction of homo-sexual impulses consists in passive and mutual onanism and coitus inter femora.
Case 106. Psychical Hermaphroditism in a Lady.—Mrs. M., aged 44, exemplifies the fact that an inverted and a normal sexual instinct may be united in one person, be it in man or woman. The father of this lady was very musical, and very talented as an artist. He took life easily; and to his extraordinary beauty was added a great admiration for the opposite sex. After several apoplectic attacks, he died demented in an asylum. Father’s brother was neuro-psychopathic, and when a child was a somnambulist; and all his life he was afflicted with hyperæsthesia sexualis. Thus, although married and the father of married sons, he tried to seduce his niece, Mrs. M., with whom he was wildly in love, when she was eighteen years old. Father’s father was very eccentric and a distinguished actor. He first studied theology, but, as a result of partiality for the dramatic muse, he became an actor and singer. He committed excesses in baccho et venere; was a spendthrift and luxurious. He died at forty-nine, of apoplexia cerebri. Mother’s father and mother died of tuberculosis of the lungs.
Mrs. M. was one of eleven children, of whom six are still living. Two brothers, who resembled the mother physically, died, at sixteen and twenty, of tuberculosis. A brother suffers with laryngeal phthisis. Four living sisters and Mrs. M. resemble the father physically, and the eldest is unmarried, very nervous, and shy of people. Two younger sisters are married, healthy, and have healthy children. The other is unmarried, and suffers with nervous complaints. Mrs. M. has four children, several of whom are delicate and neuropathic.
The patient can tell nothing of importance concerning her childhood. She learned easily, and was æsthetically and poetically inclined. She was considered a little high-strung, and too much given to novel-reading and sentimentality. Her constitution was neuropathic, and she was extremely sensitive to changes of temperature, sometimes having annoying cutis anserina as a result of slight draughts. It is remarkable that one day, when she was about ten years old, she thought that her mother no longer loved her; and she put matches in her coffee to make herself really sick, that she might thus excite her mother’s love for her.
Puberty began, without difficulty, at the age of eleven. Thereafter the menses were regular. Before the time of puberty sexuality manifested itself, and, according to the opinion of the patient, its promptings have been abnormally intense all her life. The first feelings and impulses were decidedly inverted. She conceived a passionate but platonic love for a young lady. She wrote verses and sonnets to her, and was perfectly happy if she could admire “the entrancing charms” of her goddess in the bath, or steal a glimpse of her neck, shoulders, and breast while she was dressing. The wild impulse to touch these physical charms was always overcome. While a young girl, she had actually been in love with Madonnas of Raphael and Guido Reni. In all kinds of weather she would run after pretty girls and ladies for hours at a time, admiring their beauty, losing no opportunity to please them, offering them bouquets, etc. The patient asserted that, until the age of nineteen, she was absolutely without a suspicion of a difference of sex; because she had been educated as in a cloister by a very prudish aunt, who was an old maid. As a result of this great ignorance, the patient became the victim of a man who was passionately in love with her, and who had coitus with her by means of stratagem. She became the wife of this man, bore one child, and lived an “eccentric” sexual life with him. She felt perfectly satisfied with married intercourse. After a few years she became a widow. Since then, women have again been the object of her love, primarily, as the patient thinks, from fear of the results of sexual intercourse with a man.
At twenty-seven, second marriage, without love, to a phthisical husband. Patient was three times confined, and fulfilled her maternal duties. Her physical health failed, and in the later years of this married life she had an increasing aversion for her husband, partly due to a sense of his disease, though, at the same time, there was constantly present an intense desire for sexual indulgence.
Three years after the death of her second husband, the patient discovered the fact that her nine-year-old daughter, by her first husband, was given to masturbation, and that she was failing in physical health. The patient read of this vice, and could not overcome the impulse to indulge in the practice, becoming, in consequence, an onanist. She is unable to bring herself to give the details of this period of her life. She says that she was frightfully excited sexually, and had to send her daughters from home to save them from terrible consequences; but the two boys she was able to keep at home.
Patient became neurasthenic ex masturbatione (spinal irritation, feeling of pressure in head, weariness, lack of mental control), and, at times, had dysthymia and painful tædium vitæ. Her sexual feeling would be directed at one time to women, at another to men. She was able to restrain herself, and suffered much from abstinence, especially because, on account of her neurasthenic troubles, she sought to obtain relief in masturbation, though only in case of great necessity. At the present time, though forty-four years old, and menstruating regularly, she suffers intensely with a passion for a young man whose presence she cannot avoid on account of the exigencies of occupation.
Patient presents nothing remarkable in external appearance. She is gracefully formed, but the muscular system is not strongly developed. Pelvis is, in all respects, that of a female, but the arms and legs are decidedly large and of masculine form. Ladies’ shoes do not fit her, but, being opposed to exciting attention, she forces her feet into female shoes, and they are, therefore, much deformed. Genitals normally developed, and present no other abnormality than descent of the uterus, with hypertrophy of the vaginal portion. On thorough examination it is seen that the patient is essentially homo-sexual, and that the desire for the opposite sex is but episodical and sensual. Thus, at present, she suffers intensely with sexual desires for every man with whom she comes in contact, but it is a more refined and higher pleasure for her to imprint a kiss on the soft, round cheek of a maiden. This pleasure is one she often enjoys, because she is much beloved as the “dear aunt” by all the “sweet creatures”; for she voluntarily does them the most various chivalrous favors, always feeling herself at such times as a man.
Case 107. Contrary Sexual Instinct with Sexual Satisfaction in Hetero-Sexual Intercourse.—Mr. Z., aged 36, Hollander, consulted me, in 1888, on account of an anomaly of his sexual feelings, which had become a matter of anxiety to him in connection with an intended marriage. Patient’s father was neuropathic, and suffered with nightmare and night-terrors. Grandfather was mentally unsound; father’s brother an idiot. Patient’s mother and her family were healthy and normal mentally. The patient had four sisters and one brother, the latter being subject to moral insanity. Three sisters are healthy, and living happy married lives.
As a child, the patient was weak, nervous, and subject to night-terrors, like his father; but he never had any severe sickness except coxitis, as a result of which he limps slightly. Sexual impulses were manifested early. At eight, without any teaching, he began to masturbate. From his fourteenth year, ejaculation. He was mentally well endowed, and his principal interest was in art and literature. He was always weak muscularly, and had no inclination for boyish sports and later for manly occupations. He had a certain interest for female toilettes, ornaments, and occupations. From the time of puberty the patient noticed in himself an inexplicable inclination toward male persons. Youths of the lowest classes were especially attractive to him. Cavalrymen especially excited his interest. He experienced a lustful desire to press himself against such individuals from behind. Occasionally, in crowds, it was possible for him to do this; and in such an event an intense feeling of pleasure passed over him. After his twenty-second year, on such occasions, he now and then had an ejaculation. From that time ejaculation occurred when a sympathetic man laid his hand on the patient’s thigh. He was now in great anxiety lest he might sometime assault a man sexually. People of the lower classes, wearing tight, brown trousers, were especially dangerous for him. His greatest pleasure would be: to embrace such a man and press himself on him; but, unfortunately, the morality of his country did not allow such a thing. Pederasty seemed disgusting to him.
It gave him great pleasure to gain a sight of the genitals of males. He was always compelled to look at the genitals of every man he met. In circuses, theatres, etc., only male performers interested him. Patient has never noticed any inclination for women. He does not avoid them, even dances with them on occasion, but he never feels the slightest sensual excitation under such circumstances.
At the age of twenty-eight the patient was neurasthenic as a result of his excessive masturbation.
Then frequent pollutions in sleep occurred, which weakened him very much. It was only occasionally that he dreamed of men when he had pollutions; and never of women. A lascivious dream-picture (pederasty) had occurred but once. He dreamed of dying-scenes, of being attacked by dogs, etc. After these, as before, he suffered with great libido sexualis. Often there came up before him such lascivious thoughts as gloating over the death of animals in the slaughter-house, or allowing himself to be whipped by boys; but he always overcame such desires, and also the impulse to dress in a military uniform.
In order to cure himself of masturbation, and to thoroughly satisfy his libido, he determined to frequent brothels. He first attempted sexual intercourse with a woman when twenty-one, after over-indulgence in wine. The beauty of the female form, and female nudity in general, made no impression on him. However, he was able to enjoy the act of coitus, and thereafter he visited brothels regularly for “purposes of health.”
From this time he took great pleasure in hearing men tell stories of their sexual relations with the opposite sex.
Ideas of flagellation would also come to him while in a brothel, but the retention of such fancies was not essential for the performance of coitus. He considered sexual intercourse with prostitutes only a remedy against the desire for masturbation and men,—a kind of safety-valve to prevent compromising himself with some man.
The patient now wishes to marry, but fears not only that he could have no love for a decent woman, but also that he might be impotent for intercourse with one. Hence his thought and need of medical advice.
The patient is very intelligent, and is, in all respects, of masculine appearance. In dress and manner he presents nothing that would attract attention. Gait, voice, and skeleton,—the pelvis especially,—masculine in character. Genitals of normal development. The normal growth of hair for a male is abundant. The patient’s relatives and friends have not the slightest suspicion of his sexual anomalies. In his inverted sexual fancies, he has never felt himself in the rôle of a woman toward a man. For some years he has been entirely free from neurasthenic troubles.
The question as to whether he considered himself a subject of congenital inversion of sexual instinct he could not answer. It seems probable that there was a congenital weak inclination for the opposite sex, with a greater one for the same sex, which, as a result of early masturbation in consequence of the homo-sexual instinct, was still more weakened, but not reduced to nil. With the cessation of masturbation, the feeling for women became in a measure more natural, but only in a coarsely sensual way.
Since the patient explained that, for reasons of family and business, it was necessary for him to marry, it was impossible to avoid this delicate question.
Fortunately, the patient limited his inquiries to the question as to his virility as a husband; and it was necessary to reply that he was virile, and that he would probably be so in conjugal intercourse with the wife of his choice,—at least, if she were to be in mental sympathy with him; besides, that he could at all times improve his power by exercising his imagination in the right direction.
The main thing was to strengthen the sexual inclination for the opposite sex, which was defective, but not absolutely wanting. This could be done by avoiding and opposing all homo-sexual feelings and impulses, possibly with the help of the artificial inhibitory influences of hypnotic suggestion (removal of homo-sexual desires by suggestion); by the excitation and exercise of normal sexual desires and impulses; by complete abstinence from masturbation, and eradication of the remnants of the neurasthenic condition of the nervous system by means of hydrotherapy, and possibly general faradization.
I am indebted to a physician, aged thirty, for the following autobiography, which in another respect is noteworthy:—
Case 108. Mental Hermaphroditism; Abortive Contrary Sexual Instinct.—“In my ancestry I am somewhat predisposed hereditarily. My grandfather on my father’s side was a high-liver and a speculator. My father was a man of character, but for more than thirty years he has suffered with folie circulaire, without, however, being much hindered by it in business. My mother, like her father before her, suffers with stenocardiac attacks. My mother’s father and brother are said to have been sexually hyperæsthetic. My only sister, about nine years older than myself, was twice subject to attacks of eclampsia, and during puberty was religiously exalted, and probably also sexually hyperæsthetic. During many years she had to suffer with a severe hysterical neurosis, but she is now completely well.
“As an only son, and born late, I was the apple of my mother’s eye; and I have her indefatigable care to thank that I survived childhood, after having passed through all the possible diseases of children (hydrocephalus, measles, croup, small-pox, and, at thirteen, chronic intestinal catarrh that lasted a year). My mother, being herself very religious, raised me, without spoiling me, in a religious way, and implanted in me, as the guiding moral principle, an unyielding devotion to duty, which was further carried to an extreme in me by a teacher whom I still call a friend. Owing to my delicate health, my childhood, in greater part, was spent in bed; and I was thus given to quiet occupations, especially reading; and thus as a boy I came to be—if not blasé—premature at least. As early as eight or nine the parts of books that excited me most were those where injuries or operations that had to be endured by beautiful girls or ladies, were described. Thus I was thrown into great excitement by a story in which was pictured a maiden that had run a thorn into her foot, with a boy taking it out for her. Indeed, every time that I looked upon this picture, which was in nowise lascivious, I had an erection. Whenever possible, I went to see chickens killed; and if I had missed that, I looked at the spots of blood, and stroked the warm bodies of the birds, with pleasurable shudders. I would emphasize the fact that I have always been a great lover of animals, and have felt disgust and pity while killing larger animals, and even in the vivisection of frogs.
“The killing of chickens is still a great sexual stimulus for me, and especially holding them, during which I have palpitation of the heart and precordial oppression. It is of interest that my father had a passion for binding together the hands of girls and young women.
“I think that another of my sexual abnormalities is attributable to this strain of cruelty. As I shall clearly describe later, one of my favorite games was that of an improvised doll-theatre, where I prescribed the parts of my companions. Almost always it was a young girl who, at the command of her papa, whom I represented, had to have a painful operation done on her foot. The more the girl cried, the more satisfaction I had. How I came to hit upon the foot as the constant object of operation will be seen from the following: When a very young boy, I happened to see my eldest sister change her stockings. When she hastily hid her feet, my attention was attracted, and immediately the sight of her bare feet to the ankles came to be the ideal of my longing. Naturally, this made my sister very careful; and thus there was occasioned a constant quarrel, which, on my part, was kept up with all the wiles of cunning and flattery, and with even explosions of anger, until my seventeenth year. In other respects my sister was very indifferent. Indeed, her kiss is repugnant to me. Faute de mieux, I made use of the feet of servants; masculine feet had no effect on me. My greatest desire would have been to cut the nails, or, sit venia verbo, the corns, on the beautiful foot of a woman. My lustful dreams were concerned with these things. Indeed, I applied myself to the study of medicine really in the expectation of gaining an opportunity to satisfy my desires, or cure them. Thank God, I attained the latter. After undertaking the first dissection of the lower extremity of a female, this unhappy desire was removed from me. I was unhappy because I was always deeply ashamed of this impulse. I think I may spare further details concerning it, since this peculiar enthusiasm, which even inspired me to write verses, has been sufficiently described by others.
“Now, concerning the last phase of my sexual errors: I was about thirteen, and had just begun to mature, when a school-mate, who happened to be our guest, teased me one night by kicking me with his bare feet under the covers. I seized his foot, and immediately became greatly excited, and had a pollution after it,—the first that I had. The boy was peculiarly girlish in form, and was also mentally effeminate. Too, another comrade who had very small and delicate hands and feet, whom I once saw in a bath, caused unusual excitement in me. I thought it a great piece of good fortune to be in bed with either of these, though any nearer sexual intercourse than embracing them never came into my mind. Moreover, I always thrust such thoughts aside with aversion. Some years later, when about sixteen or eighteen, I made the acquaintance of two other boys that awakened my sexual feeling. When I played with either of these, I immediately had an erection. Both were very energetic and lively, but delicately formed and child-like. At the occurrence of puberty I lost interest in both of them, though a warm friendship was preserved. I should never have allowed myself to have indulged in vicious practices with them.
“When I went to the University, I forgot completely these errors of my libido sexualis, and from principle I kept from sexual intercourse until I was twenty-four, in spite of the contempt of my companions. When pollutions became too frequent, and I began to fear cerebral neurasthenia ex abstinentia, I gave myself up to normal sexual indulgence, though somewhat mechanically; and it was, of course, very beneficial to me.
“The especial field of work to which I have devoted myself is responsible for the fact that I am almost impotent with puellis publicis, and also for the fact that the naked form of a woman disgusts rather than excites me. The act always satisfies me the most, if, during it, I can keep the vision of the face before me; but since, on the other hand, the idea that the girl near me is enjoyed by another is unbearable, for years I have found it absolutely necessary for my mental comfort, in spite of the pecuniary sacrifice, to keep a mistress, and, indeed, a virgin. Otherwise the most terrible jealousy made me absolutely incapable of work. I must also mention that, at thirteen, I fell in love platonically for the first time; and since then I have often pined in chaste love. What distinguishes my case from all others is the fact that I have never once masturbated in my life.
“Some weeks ago, in sleep, I was frightened by a dream of a naked boy, from which I awoke with an erection. In conclusion, I venture to undertake the difficult task of describing my present condition: Medium height, gracefully formed. Skull dolichocephalic, with prominence in the occipital region; circumference, 59 centimetres; frontal prominence marked; glance somewhat neuropathic; pupils medium; teeth very defective; musculature strong and tense; abundant hair, blonde. Varicocele on the left side; frenulum too short, which hindered me in coitus. I severed it myself three years ago. Since then ejaculation is retarded, and pleasurable feeling much diminished. Temperament choleric. Quick of comprehension; good at drawing conclusions; energetic; for one hereditarily predisposed, very persevering. I learn languages easily, and have a good ear for music, but otherwise I have no talent for the arts. I am always ambitious to do my duty, but I am constantly troubled with tædium vitæ, and only kept from attempts at suicide by my religion and the thought of my mother. Otherwise I am a typical candidate for suicide. I am ambitious, jealous, have a fear of paralysis; left-handed. I am filled with socialistic ideas. I like adventures, and I am courageous. I have decided never to marry.”
Case 109. Psychical Hermaphroditism. Autobiography.—“I was born in 1868. The families of both my parents are healthy; at any rate, mental disease has never occurred in them. My father was a merchant; he is now sixty-five years old, and for years has been nervous and especially inclined to be melancholic. Before his marriage, my father is said to have lived fast. My mother is healthy, though not very strong. There are two other healthy children.
“I was very early developed sexually, and in my fourteenth year was so much troubled by pollutions that I was frightened. Under what circumstances they occurred, particularly the nature of the dreams that were connected with them, I am no longer able to state. The fact is, that for years I have only felt myself drawn toward men sexually; and, with every effort and a terrible struggle, I am still unable to overcome this unnatural impulse that is so repugnant to me. It is said that I had many severe illnesses in my childhood, and that my life was often despaired of. To this was probably due the fact that I was spoiled and made very delicate. I was always much in the house, preferred to play with dolls rather than with soldiers, and I liked to play quietly in the house better than to play noisily in the streets. I entered the Gymnasium at the age of ten. Though I was lazy, I was among the best scholars; for I learned very easily, and was the favorite of my teacher. From my earliest childhood (seventh year), I took pleasure in little girls. I remember that, even until my thirteenth year, I had formal love-affairs with them, and was jealous of those who associated with them; that I took pleasure in looking under the petticoats of my sister’s friends and the servants; and that I had erections when touching the persons of my female playmates. I can, however, recall with certainty that boys attracted and excited me sexually just as early and powerfully. I always took great delight in reading and in the theatre. I had a doll-theatre, with which I played by preference. I knew whole pieces by heart, and copied the actors I saw, taking especially the female parts, in which I was delighted to put on female attire.
“As my sexual life became more pronounced, my inclination for boys won the upper hand. I fell completely in love with my companions, and had lustful feeling if one of them who pleased me touched my body. I became very shy, and refused to take gymnastic and swimming lessons. I thought I was different from my comrades, and did not like to undress before them. I liked to look at the penes of my companions, and easily had erections. I masturbated but once, and that in my youth. When a friend told me that one could have pleasure without women, I likewise tried it; but I found no pleasure in it. At that time, also, a book fell in my hands which warned against the effects of onanism. After that one trial I never did it again. In my fourteenth or fifteenth year, I made the acquaintance of two younger boys who excited me sexually to the highest degree. I was especially in love with one of them. I became sexually excited in his presence, and was restless when I did not have him near me. I was jealous of those who associated with him, and embarrassed in his presence. He had no suspicion of my condition. I felt very unhappy, and often wept gladly, feeling then relieved. Yet I could not understand this feeling, and always felt its irregularity. I was also especially unhappy because my ability to work disappeared all at once. I, who before had learned with ease, suddenly had difficulty; my thoughts were never on the subject. Only by straining every nerve could I get anything through my head. I always had to study aloud, in order to keep my attention on the matter in hand. My memory, which was previously excellent, often left me in the lurch. Nevertheless, I continued to be a good scholar, and I still pass for a talented man; but I have terrible difficulty in learning anything. I exerted all my energy to free myself from this sad condition. Daily I went swimming; I practiced turning, rode much, and practiced fencing, in all of which I enjoyed myself very much. I still like to be on a horse’s back, though I know nothing about horses, and have no particular talent for physical exercises. I was never absent from a drinking-party, and I smoked. I was much liked. In cafés I associated much with waitresses, and liked to amuse myself with them, without, however, being sexually excited by them. Among my friends and teachers, I passed for a man who was much with women, and spoiled by them. Unfortunately, this was not true.
“At the age of nineteen I went to the University. My first semester was spent at the University of B., and it is still terrible to recall it. My sexual appetite powerfully excited me, and at night, for hours at a time, I ran about looking for men, especially when I was intoxicated. The next morning I would be crazy about myself. Fortunately, I found no one. In the second semester, I went to M. This was my happiest time. I had pleasant friends, and, for a wonder, took pleasure in women, and was very happy about it. I had a love-affair with a young girl of spoiled character, with whom I spent wild nights. I was extraordinarily virile. I, who had formerly been chaste, also associated with other women, as never before. I felt fresh and well after coitus. I was not charmed so much by the female figure, which was never beautiful to me, as by—I know not what. In short, I knew women whose touch immediately induced erection. This joy and state of delight did not last long. I was so foolish as to take rooms with a friend. We had one sleeping-room. My friend was very talented and amiable, and a favorite with women; and it was by these characteristics that he at first so strongly attracted me. In fact, I love only highly-educated men; uneducated, powerful persons are able to excite me intensely only for the moment, and cannot retain my affections. I soon fell in love with my friend. Then came the terrible time that destroyed my health. I slept in the same room with my friend, and had to see him undress daily; so that it required all my strength to keep from betraying myself. I became nervous, cried easily, and was jealous of those who associated with my friend. I still associated with women; but it was only with difficulty that I could perform coitus, which, like woman, was repugnant to me. The same women who had excited me intensely, no longer had any effect on me. I followed my friend to W., where he met an earlier friend, with whom he associated. I became jealous and sick with love and longing. At the same time, I associated with women again, but seldom, and only with difficulty, indulged in coitus. I became terribly depressed and almost insane. Work was out of the question. I led a foolish, wild life, and spent a great amount of money, almost throwing it away. Then, after six weeks of it, I broke down, and had to visit a water-cure, where I spent many months. There I came to myself again, and soon became much liked; for I can be very gay, and I take great pleasure in the society of educated ladies. In conversation, I prefer married women to younger girls; I am also very gay in the society of gentlemen at the beer-table and bowling-alley.
“At this sanitarium I met a man of twenty-nine, who was apparently constituted like myself. The fellow forced himself upon me, and wanted to embrace and kiss me; but he was very repugnant to me, though he excited me, and his touch caused erection, and even ejaculation. One evening he got me to perform mutual onanism. After it I spent a most frightful, sleepless night; I was terribly disgusted with the whole affair, and thought I should never do such a thing with a man again. All day long I could get no rest. It was terrible to me that, in spite of this, and against my will, this man so excited me sexually; yet, on the other hand, it gave me satisfaction that he was in love with me, and apparently had to go through struggles similar to my earlier ones. From that time I was successful in keeping him away from me.
“I again went to various Universities, and also visited many water-cures, with temporary, but never permanent, benefit. I fell in love, too, with many friends, but never so deeply as with the friend at M. I no longer had sexual intercourse, neither with women—I was incapable of it—nor with men; for I had no opportunity for it with the latter, and I forced myself to avoid it. I still often met my friend of M.; we are as good friends as ever, and, much to my delight, he no longer excites me. It is usually so; when for a long time I have not seen a person who excites me, the sexual influence disappears.
“I passed my examinations with distinction. During the last year before they took place,—when I was twenty-three,—I began to practice masturbation; for I could find no other way in which to gratify my burdensome sexual appetite. Still, I did it very infrequently; for after it I was always disgusted, and spent a sleepless night. But when I have drunk much, I lose all strength; and then I run about for hours, seeking men, and finally come to onanism, to awake the next day with a dull head and a horror of myself, and go about all day in a melancholy state. As long as I have control of myself, I use all my strength to combat my nature. It is terrible when one can have no pleasure in associating with friends, and every erect soldier or butcher-boy makes one tremble and throb. It is frightful when night comes, and I watch at the window for some one to urinate against a wall across the way, and give me an opportunity to see his genitals. These thoughts are terrible; and besides, there is the consciousness of the immorality and criminality of my state of mind and my longing. I have a repugnance for myself that I cannot describe. I consider my condition abnormal; I cannot think that it is congenital, but I believe that the impulse was bred in me by faulty education. My suffering makes me reckless and egotistical; it takes away all kindness of disposition, and makes me careless about my family. I am moody, and often almost insane; often I am so depressed that I know not what to do, and then am easily moved to tears. And yet I have a horror of sexual intercourse with men. One evening when I came from a drinking-party, drunk and excited and in a half-conscious state, and, full of desire, was wandering about, I met a young man, who got me to perform mutual masturbation. Though he excited me, after the act I was beside myself. To-day, when I go by the place, I am overcome with horror; and lately, when riding by it, without any cause, I fell from my gentle horse, that I know so well,—I was so overcome by the memory of my unworthy deed.
“I love family life and children, and social intercourse; and, with my position in society, I am suited to have a family. But I must give up all that; and yet, I cannot abandon hope of cure. And so I vacillate between hopeful gaiety and frightful hopelessness, and neglect business and family. Indeed, I do not ask that I may marry and found a family; I wish only to overcome the terrible inclination for the male sex; only to associate quietly with my friends, and to learn to respect myself again.
“No one has any suspicion of my condition; I pass rather for a great roué,—a reputation I try to maintain. I often try to have relations with girls, for which I often have opportunity. I have known many who loved me, and who would have sacrificed their honor for me; but I have no love to offer them, and nothing sexual to give. And yet I can love a man. I am excited only by young men,—i.e., aged from seventeen to twenty-five, without full beards, and preferably with no beards at all. I can love only those that are educated, respectable, and amiable. I am, in short, very proud, and quick; I am also enthusiastic, and easily led by persons who please me. These I try to imitate, but I am very sensitive with them, and easily hurt. I put much value on appearances, love beautiful furniture and dress, and assume a distinguished manner and elegant address. I am unhappy in that my neurasthenic condition keeps me from doing and learning what I should like.”
Last fall I made the patient’s acquaintance. He is destitute of degenerative signs, and of perfectly masculine appearance, even though he is delicately formed and slender. Genitals perfectly normal. Appearance distinguished, with nothing striking. He is much troubled about his sexual perversion, and wishes to be freed from it at any price. In spite of the greatest effort on the part of both physician and patient, only a slight degree of hypnosis, insufficient for suggestive treatment, could be induced.
Case 110. Psychical Hermaphroditism—Mouth-fetichism.—“I am thirty-one years old, and an official in a manufactory. My parents are healthy, and have nothing abnormal about them. My paternal grandfather is said to have had brain disease; my maternal grandmother died melancholic; a cousin of my mother was given to drink; several other blood-relations are abnormal mentally.
“I was four years old when my sexual appetite awoke. A man between twenty and thirty years old, who played with us children, and took us in his arms, excited in me the desire to embrace and kiss him passionately. This desire for sensual kissing on the mouth is characteristic of me, and it still forms the chief charm of my sexual gratification.
“I experienced a similar excitation in about my ninth year. A man who was ugly and dirty, and had a red beard, likewise excited in me this desire for him. Here was manifested, for the first time, a characteristic peculiar to me, which is still present,—i.e., the peculiar stimulus which coarseness—the filthiness of a person in dress and conduct—is to my senses at times.
“While in the Gymnasium, from my eleventh to my fifteenth year, I was affected with a passion for a comrade. In this case, it was also my greatest pleasure to embrace him, and kiss him on the mouth. I was often seized with a desire for him as intense as that I now have for persons I love. I think, however, that I first had erections in my thirteenth year. During these years, as I have said, I had only the desire to embrace and kiss; cupiditas videndi vel tangendi aliorum genitalia mihi plane deerat. I was a perfectly innocent, näive boy, and, until my fifteenth year, did not know the meaning of an erection; indeed, I never once ventured to kiss the beloved person; for I felt that it would be doing something strange. I felt no desire to masturbate, and also had the good fortune not to be seduced to it by older comrades. I have never yet masturbated; I feel a certain repugnance for it.
“In my fourteenth and fifteenth years I was seized with a passion for several young persons, some of whom still attract me. Thus I was very much in love with a boy with whom I had never spoken. It was even a delight to meet him on the street.
“That my passions were of a sensual nature is shown by the fact that, when I pressed and caressed the hands of those I loved, I had powerful erections. But it has always been my greatest pleasure amplecti et os osculari; I desired nothing else.
“I did not know that what I experienced was sexual love; I only said to myself that it was impossible that I alone felt such stimuli.
“Until my fifteenth year a woman had never excited me; but one evening, when I was alone with our servant-girl in a room, I experienced the same desire that I had for many boys. At first I played with her; and, when I found that she liked to be kissed, I covered her with kisses. I felt such sensual pleasure in it as I now seldom experience. Mouth to mouth, we kissed each other, and after about ten minutes ejaculation occurred. Thus I gratified myself two or three times a week. I soon began a similar relation with our cook, and with other servant-girls. Ejaculation always took place after kissing for about ten minutes.
“In the meantime, I had taken dancing-lessons. There I was first charmed by a nice girl; but this love soon disappeared, and I fell in love with another girl, with whom I never became acquainted, but at the sight of whom I felt an attraction like that of boys, and unlike the purely brutal passion I felt for other girls. At this time my impulse for girls was at its acme; I was pleased by about an equal number of girls and boys. As mentioned above, I gratified my sensuality by kissing the servant-girl and inducing ejaculation. Thus I spent the time from my sixteenth to my eighteenth year. The departure of the servant deprived me of opportunity.
“Then came two or three years during which I had to give up sexual pleasure. In general, girls pleased me less; and, too, now that I had grown older, I was ashamed to surrender myself to the servant-girls.
“It was not possible for me to obtain a mistress; for, notwithstanding my years, I was carefully watched by my parents, and associated but little with young men, and thus had but little independence. With the diminution in the desire for women, the attractiveness of youths increased.
“Since I had had, since my sixteenth year, frequent pollutions at night with dreams,—in part of women and in part of men,—which weakened and depressed me exceedingly, I desired to make an end of them by means of normal coitus. But scruples and the belief that prostitutes would have no effect on me, kept me from the brothel until my twenty-first year. For two or three years I went through a daily struggle (if there had been male houses of prostitution, no scruples would have hindered me). Finally I visited a brothel. I could not even induce erection; for one reason because the girl, though she was unusually fresh and pretty for a prostitute, did not affect me; but really because she would not kiss me on the mouth. I was very much depressed, and thought I was impotent. Three weeks afterward I visited another prostitute, and she immediately induced erection by her kiss. She was erect and had thick lips, and was much more sensual than the first one. After only three minutes of simple kissing, mouth to mouth, ejaculation was induced,—of course, ante portam. Thus it was only after I had visited prostitutes about seven times that I was successful in coitus.
“At one time I would have no erection at all, because the girl made no impression on me; again I would ejaculate prematurely. The first times I was reluctant penem introducere; and, too, even after I was successful in normal coitus, I found no pleasure in it. Sensual satisfaction comes with kissing on the mouth; for me this is the principal thing, coitus serving only as something secondary to embracing. Coitus, no matter how much the woman might charm me, would be an indifferent matter without kissing; indeed, erection disappears, or does not occur at all, when the woman will not kiss on the mouth. Yet, I cannot kiss every woman, but only such as have faces pleasing to me; a prostitute, the sight of whom is repugnant to me, with any amount of kissing, which then only disgusts me, cannot excite me.
“Thus, during the last four years, I have visited brothels about every ten days or two weeks. Only seldom does coitus fail; for I have learned my peculiarities, and in the choice of a prostitute know immediately whether she will excite me or have no effect. Of late, however, it has again happened that I thought the woman would stimulate me, and yet no erection occurred. This happened when, the day before, I had to repress too forcibly the desire for men.
“At first, when I went to brothels, the sensual pleasure was very slight; only a very few times did I have true lustful feeling (as in kissing previously). Now, on the contrary, for the most part I experience sensual pleasure. The lower houses have a particular charm for me; for of late the coarseness of the women, the dark entrance, the yellow light of the lamps, and all the surroundings, have a peculiar charm for me; probably because my sensuality is unconsciously excited by meeting soldiers, who frequent such places, and who at the same time lend a certain charm to the women. If I but find a woman whose face attracts me, I can have intense lustful pleasure. Besides by prostitutes, my desire can be excited by peasant-girls, servant-girls, working-women, and girls of the lower classes,—in general, by those in common dress. Red cheeks, thick lips, and erect forms please me particularly. I am absolutely indifferent to respectable women and young ladies.
“My pollutions are usually without lustful pleasure, and often occur with dreams of men, but very seldom—almost never—with dreams of women. As is shown by the last circumstance, in spite of regular coitus, my desire is still for young men. Indeed, I may say that it has only increased, and that very markedly. Though immediately after coitus the girls have no charm for me, yet the kiss of a pleasing woman could immediately induce erection again. For the first few days after coitus, young men seem the most attractive to me.
“Sexual congress with women does not satisfy all my sensual desire. I have days when I frequently have erections with an intense desire for young men; then come quieter days, with moments of complete indifference for women and latent desire for men. On the other hand, too great sensual rest makes me melancholy; viz., when such rest follows moments of repressed excitement. Only, then, when the thought of beloved youths again causes erection, do I feel light-hearted again. Then the rest changes to intense nervousness; I feel depressed, and sometimes have headache (after repressed erection). This nervousness often increases to ungovernable restlessness, which I then seek to overcome by coitus.
“Last year an essential change took place in my sexual life, when I dared to enjoy male love for the first time. In spite of pleasurable coitus with women (more correctly, pleasurable kissing with resultant ejaculation), my desire for young men gave me no peace. I determined to go to a brothel much frequented by soldiers, and, in extremity, to buy a soldier for myself. I had the good luck to meet immediately one like myself, who, notwithstanding his much lower station, in character and behavior was not unworthy of me. What I experienced (and still experience) with this young man is something different from what I feel with women. The sensual pleasure is not greater than with prostitutes, whose kisses and embraces excite me extraordinarily; but I can experience lustful pleasure with him at any time, and for him I have a feeling that is wanting for women. Unfortunately, I have been able to embrace and kiss him only about eight times.
“Though we have been separated many months, he having been sent to a garrison in Hungary, we have not forgotten each other, and keep up a regular correspondence. In order to possess him, I dared to go to a brothel and there embrace him, being in danger of being betrayed.
“Early in our acquaintance there came a time when I heard nothing more of him; for he did not think he could trust me. During these weeks I endured anxiety and pain that brought me into a state of depression and anxious restlessness, such as I had never before experienced. Scarcely to have found a lover and then to be compelled to lose him, seemed the greatest misfortune to me. When, thanks to my efforts, we met again, my joy was unbounded; indeed, I was so excited that, in his embrace again for the first time, in spite of my sensual lust, I could not induce ejaculation.
“Usus sexualis in osculis et amplexionibus solis constitit, pene meo ludere ei licebat (while the touch on it of a woman’s hand is unendurable to me, and I never allow it). It is also to be noted that, in the company of my lover, I immediately have an erection; the pressure of his hand, or even his look, is sufficient. Evenings, for hours at a time, I have gone about with him, never tiring of his society for a moment, despite his inferior station. With him I feel happy, and the sexual satisfaction is merely the crowning of our love. Although I had finally found the man like myself, whom I had so long sought, and I could at last enjoy male love, yet I have not become insensitive to women; and I visit brothels when I am too sorely troubled by desire. I had hoped to be able to spend this winter in the city where my lover is; but this is, unfortunately, impossible, and I am now forced to be separated from him for an indefinite period. Nevertheless, we shall try to see each other, if only for a short time, and only once or twice a year; at least, I hope that in the future we may again be together for a longer time. Thus, for this winter, I am again compelled to be without a friend like myself. I had, indeed, resolved, on account of the danger of discovery, never to try to find another urning; but this is impossible. Sexual intercourse with women does not satisfy me, and my desire for young men constantly increases. I am often afraid of myself; afraid that, in asking all prostitutes, as I do, whether they know others like me, I might be discovered. Yet I cannot keep from seeking a youth like myself; indeed, I know that in case of necessity I shall buy a soldier, though I know perfectly well the penalty meted out to one caught in such circumstances.
“I can no longer do without male love; without it I should always be out of harmony with myself. My ideal would be to be associated with a number like myself; but I should be satisfied if I could have unrestrained intercourse with one lover. I could easily dispense with women, if I had regular male satisfaction; but I think that at long intervals I should embrace a woman for the sake of variety, as my nature is absolutely hermaphroditic in a psycho-sexual sense (women I can only desire sensually, but I can love and sensually desire young men). If there were marriage between men, I think I should not avoid a life-long union; while marriage with a woman seems to me something impossible. For, in the first place, though the woman charmed me, the charm would soon be lost in regular intercourse, and then all sexual indulgence, if not impossible, would certainly be devoid of pleasure for me; and, in the second place, true love for the wife would be wanting—the attraction that I feel with young men I love, and which makes the intercourse that is not simply sensual seem desirable to me. The constant association with a youth physically pleasing and in mental harmony with me, and who could understand all my feelings and share my intellectual opinions and desires, would, it seems to me, be the greatest happiness.
“The young men who please me must be between eighteen and twenty-eight. As I have grown older, the limit of age in those pleasing to me has increased; otherwise, I am pleased with the most various forms. The principal rôle, if not the exclusive one, is played by the face. Blondes excite me more than dark persons; they must have no beard, but merely a small moustache that is not too thick, or none at all. As for the rest, the only thing I can say is, that certain kinds of faces please me. Faces with large, straight noses are excluded, as are also pale cheeks; but there are exceptions. I regard soldiers with favor, and many please me when in uniform who do not affect me when in civil dress. Just as in women certain ordinary articles of dress (like light-colored jackets) please me, so the military costume attracts me. To go to dance-halls—usually beer-halls—where there are many soldiers, and mix with the crowd of soldiers and boys that please me, and try to get a kiss and embrace,—this mingling with them would, of course, be an excitant only of sensuality; intellectually and socially, everything common in speech and conduct is repugnant to me.
“With young men of higher position, my sensual desire is less prominent.
“What I have said of the attractiveness of certain kinds of dress is not to be understood in the sense that they attract me in themselves. This charm only means that the dress may help to strengthen or make prominent the attraction exerted by the face, when, perhaps, the same face in itself would not attract me to the same extent. I may say the same thing, though with a different meaning, of the odor of lighted cigars. In indifferent persons the odor of cigars is rather repugnant than pleasing to me, but exciting in those sexually attractive. The kiss of a prostitute smelling of cigar-smoke, affords greater pleasure (because, even though in part unconsciously, I am reminded of the kiss of a man). Therefore, I took pleasure in kissing my lover just after he had smoked. (It is to be noted that I myself have never smoked a cigar or cigarette, and have never even tried to smoke.) I am tall and thin; my face is masculine; my eyes are restless; and in my whole form I often have something girlish. My health leaves much to be desired. It is much influenced by my sexual anomaly. As previously mentioned, I am very nervous, and I often have paroxysms of onomatomania. At times, I also have terrible depression and melancholia, when I see the difficulty of gratification corresponding with my male-loving nature; and when I am greatly excited sexually, and have overcome the desire, owing to impossibility of male gratification. In such conditions, often the depression is associated with absolute lack of sexual desire. In work I am industrious, but often too quick; for I am inclined to work too rapidly and violently. I have a lively interest in art and literature. Among poets and writers of fiction, I prefer, for the most part, those who describe refined feelings, peculiar passions, and far-fetched impressions; an artificial or hyper-artificial style pleases me. Likewise in music, it is the nervous, exciting music of a Chopin, a Schumann, a Schubert, or a Wagner, etc., that is in most perfect harmony with me. Everything in art that is not only original, but bizarre, attracts me.
“I do not like physical exercise, and do not practice it.
“In character I am kind and compassionate; and, though I have much to suffer with my anomaly, I am not unhappy because I love young men, but because the satisfaction of such love is considered improper, and because I cannot gratify it without restraint. I cannot regard male love as a vice, though I can well understand why it is considered vicious. But, since this love is regarded as criminal, in gratifying it I am in harmony with myself, but not with our age of the world; and, therefore, I must, necessarily, be somewhat depressed; the more, since I have a frank character that hates a lie. The pain of having always to hide it all in myself has induced me to confess my anomaly to a few friends, of whose silence and appreciation I am confident. Nevertheless, my situation often seems sad. On account of the difficulty of gratification and the general abhorrence of male love, I am often a little proud that I have such anomalous feelings. Of course, I shall never marry. This does not seem any misfortune, even though I love family life, and have thus far lived only with my parents. I live in the hope that later I shall have a lover; I must have one; without one, the future seems dark and barren, and all the ambitions usually cherished—honor, position, etc.—seem empty and unattractive. If I should not have this hope fulfilled, I know I shall be unable to long devote myself to my business with pleasure, and I shall soon be in a condition to sacrifice everything to obtain male love. I no longer have any moral scruples on account of my anomalous inclination; I have, in fact, never been troubled because I felt attracted to boys. I am much more inclined to judge morality and immorality in accordance with my feelings than in accordance with fixed principles; for I have always been given to skepticism, and have never yet studied out a fixed belief for myself. As yet, only what injures others seems to me to be evil and immoral, and that that I would not have inflicted on myself; and, in this direction, I may say that I try to infringe on the rights of others as little as possible, and that I am capable of great indignation at injustice inflicted on another. But, why love of men should be something immoral, I cannot understand; purposeless activity of the sexual instinct (if the immoral is to be seen in all that is useless and unnatural) is also found in intercourse with prostitutes, and even in marriage where means to prevent conception are used; and it seems to me that the sexual intercourse of men must be placed on the same level with all sexual congress that has not procreation as an end. But that only sexual gratification that has this purpose is moral, seems to me to be questionable. Certainly, sexual satisfaction that is not directed to procreation is not contrary to nature; and, whether it has not other purposes unknown to us, is uncertain; and, even if it were purposeless, it would not necessarily be despicable (it is not certain that the measure of a moral act is its usefulness).
“I am very certain that present prejudice will disappear, and that when once such individuals experience male-love, the right of unrestricted love will be acknowledged. For the possibility of such recognition one need but recall the Greeks and their friendships, which were nothing but sexual love; and one has only to think that, despite such unnatural vice, practiced by their greatest men in intellectual and æsthetic matters, the Greeks are still regarded as an unattainable example, and held up for imitation.
“I have already thought of having my anomaly cured by hypnotism. If it were to be of any use, which I doubt, yet I should certainly desire to be assured of a lasting love for women. For even though I cannot satisfy myself with men, yet I prefer to feel this capability of inordinate lust and love, even ungratified, to being absolutely without feeling. Thus I still have the hope that I shall find opportunity to satisfy the love I desire, the love that would make me happy; and I should not prefer the suggestive removal of homo-sexual feelings, without the simultaneous substitution of a hetero-sexual equivalent, to my present condition. Finally, I should like to add, in contrast with the statements of urnings in the published biographies, that I, at least, find it very difficult to recognize those like myself. Though I have described my sexual anomaly somewhat in detail, it seems to me that the following notes are important for a better understanding of my condition:—
“Of late I have given up immissio penis, and confined myself to coitus inter femoræ puellæ. Ejaculation occurs earlier than with conjunctio membrorum, and I experience a certain lustful feeling in the penis itself. If this manner of sexual intercourse is quite pleasant to me, it is, perhaps, in part to be referred to the fact that in this kind of sexual indulgence the sex is quite indifferent, and I am, perhaps, unconsciously reminded of masculine embrace. But this memory is absolutely unconscious, and but obscurely felt; for I am not indebted to my imagination for my pleasure, but it is due immediately to kissing the woman’s mouth. I feel that the charm which the brothel and prostitutes have for me also begins to fade; but I am sure certain women will always be able to excite me by their kisses. Still, no woman is, or ever will be, so attractive as to induce me to overcome obstacles in winning her; but even the danger of discovery and disgrace could only with difficulty restrain me from seeking a man’s embraces.
“Thus I lately allowed myself to be induced to buy a soldier at a prostitute’s house. The lustful pleasure was very great, but the subsequent feeling of satisfaction was especially very exhilarating. The next day I felt similarly strengthened (capable of erection at any moment); and though I have not yet been able to meet the soldier again, the thought that I shall venture to purchase another gives me peace. But I could be perfectly satisfied only in finding one feeling like myself, of my own position and education.
“I have not yet mentioned that the female form (with the exception of the face) and genitals have no attraction for me (to touch the latter with my hand would be disgusting to me); but membrum virile me tangere dum os meum os ejus osculatur, mihi exoptatum esse; indeed, to kiss that of a very pleasing man would not be disgusting to me. Onanism, as has been said, would be quite impossible for me.”
Case 111. Psychical Hermaphroditism.-Hetero-sexual feeling early interfered with by masturbation, but episodically very intense. Homo-sexual feeling ab origine perverse (sexual excitation by men’s boots).
Mr. X., of high social position, Russian, aged 28, came to me in September, 1887, in a despairing mood, to consult me on account of a perversion of his vita sexualis, which made life seem almost unbearable to him, and which had repeatedly brought him near to suicide. The patient comes of a family in which neuroses and psychoses have been of frequent occurrence. In the father’s family there had been consanguineous marriages for three generations. The father is said to have been a healthy man, and to have lived morally in marriage. However, his father’s preference for fine-looking servants seems remarkable to the son. The mother’s family is described as eccentric. The mother’s grandfather and great-grandfather died melancholic; her sister was insane; a daughter of the grandfather’s brother was hysterical, and had nymphomania. Only three of the mother’s twelve brothers and sisters married. Of these, one brother was homo-sexual, and always nervous as a result of excessive masturbation.