The patient’s mother is said to be a bigot, and of small mental endowment, nervous, irritable, and inclined to melancholia. Patient has a sister and a brother. The brother is frequently melancholy, and, though mature, has never shown the slightest trace of sexual inclinations. The sister is an acknowledged beauty, and much sought by gentlemen. This lady is married, but childless, as reported, owing to the impotence of her husband. She has always been indifferent to the attentions shown her by men, but is charmed by female beauty, and actually in love with some of her female friends.
With respect of himself, the patient asserts that, when four years old, he dreamed of handsome jockeys wearing shining boots. Too, he never dreamed of women when he grew older. His nightly pollutions were always induced by “boot-dreams.” From his fourth year he had a peculiar partiality for men, or, more correctly, for lackeys wearing shining boots. At first they only excited his interest, but, with development of his sexual functions, the sight of them caused powerful erections and lustful pleasure. It was only servants’ boots that affected him; the same kind of boots on persons of like social station were without effect on him. In a homo-sexual sense, there was no sexual impulse connected with these situations. Even the thought of such a possibility was disgusting to him. At times, however, he had sensually-colored ideas,—like being his servant’s servant, and drawing off his boots; but the idea of being stepped on by him, or of having to blacken his boots, was most pleasing. The pride of the aristocrat rose up against such thoughts. In general, these notions about boots were disgusting and painful to him.
Sexual instinct was early and powerfully developed. It first found expression in indulgence in sensual thoughts about boots, and, after puberty, in dreams accompanied by pollutions; otherwise, the mental and physical development was undisturbed. Patient was well endowed mentally,—learned easily, finished his studies, and became an officer. On account of his distinguished, manly appearance and his high position, he was much sought in society.
He characterizes himself as a clever, quiet, strong-willed, but superficial man. He asserts that he is a passionate hunter and rider, and that he has never had any inclination for feminine pursuits. In the society of ladies he has always been reserved; dancing always tired him. He had never had any interest in a lady of high social position. As for women, only the buxom peasant girls, such as are the models of painters in Rome, had interested him. He had, however, never felt any sexual interest in such representatives of the female sex. In the theatre and circus only male performers had excited his interest; but, at the same time, they had caused him no sensual feelings. As for men, only their boots excited him, and, indeed, only when the wearers belonged to the servant class and were handsome men. Men of his own position, wearing never so fine boots, were absolutely indifferent to him.
With reference to his sexual inclinations, the patient is still uncertain whether he feels more inclination toward the opposite sex or toward his own sex. He is inclined to think that originally he had more inclination for women, but that this sympathy was, in any case, very weak. He states with certainty that the sight of a naked man made no impression on him, and that the sight of male genitals was even repugnant to him. In the case of women, this was not exactly the case, but he was not excited sexually even by the most beautiful feminine form. When a young officer, he was now and then compelled to accompany his comrades to brothels. He was the more easily persuaded to this, since he hoped by this means to be rid of his vile partiality for boots; but he was impotent unless he brought the thought of boots to his aid. Under such circumstances, the act of cohabitation was normally performed, but without pleasurable feeling. Patient felt no impulse to intercourse with women, always requiring some external cause,—i.e., persuasion. Left to himself, his vita sexualis consisted in reveling in ideas about boots, and in corresponding dreams with pollutions. Since more and more there became connected with them the impulse to kiss his servant’s boots, to draw them off, etc., the patient determined to use every means to rid himself of this disgusting desire, which deeply wounded his pride. At that time, being in his twentieth year, and in Paris, he recalled a very beautiful peasant girl, who lived in his distant home. He hoped, with her assistance, to free himself of his perverse sexual inclination. He went directly home, and tried to win the girl’s favor. It seems that the patient was not naturally homo-sexual. He asserts that at that time he was actually in love with this person, and that her glance, or the touch of her dress, gave him sensual pleasure; and, when she once kissed him, he had a powerful erection. After about a year and a half, the patient succeeded in gaining his desires with this person.
He was potent, but ejaculated tardily (ten to twenty minutes), and never had a pleasurable feeling in the act.
After about a year and a half of sexual intercourse with this girl, his love for her grew cold, because he did not find her so “fine and pure” as he wished. From this time it was necessary for him to call upon ideas about boots for help, which had been latent, in order to be potent in sexual intercourse with her. In proportion as his power failed, these ideas arose spontaneously. Thereafter he had coitus with other women. Now and then, especially when the woman was in sympathy with him, the act took place without any assistance of imagination. It once happened that the patient committed a rape. It is remarkable that on this single occasion he had a pleasurable feeling in the (forced) act. Immediately after the deed he had a feeling of disgust. When, an hour after the forced indulgence, he had coitus with the same woman, with her consent, he experienced no feeling of pleasure.
With decrease of virility,—i.e., when it was preserved only in connection with ideas about boots,—libido for the opposite sex decreased. The patient’s slight libido and weak inclination for women are evidenced by the fact that, while he still sustained sexual relations with the peasant girl, he began to masturbate. He learned the vice from “Rousseau’s Confessions,” the book accidentally falling into his hands. The boot-fancies immediately linked themselves with corresponding impulses. He then had violent erections, masturbated, and ejaculation afforded him a lively feeling of pleasure, which was denied to him in coitus; and at first he felt himself fresher and brighter, as a result of the masturbation.
In time, however, symptoms of sexual, and, later, of general, neurasthenia, with spinal irritation, appeared. He then at first gave up masturbation, and sought his first love; but she was now more than ever indifferent to him. Since he finally became impotent, even when he called ideas of boots to his assistance, he gave up women entirely, and again practiced masturbation; by which he felt himself protected from the impulse to kiss and blacken servants’ boots. At the same time, he continued to feel that his sexual position was a painful one. He again occasionally attempted coitus, and was successful in it as soon as he thought of blackened boots. Too, after continued abstinence from masturbation, he was sometimes successful in coitus without any artificial aid.
The patient says that his sexual needs are intense. If he has not had an ejaculation in a long time, he becomes congestive and psychically much excited, and tormented by repugnant images of boots, so that he is forced to have coitus, or, preferably, to masturbate.
For some time his moral position has been complicated most painfully by the fact that, as the last of a wealthy line of high position, and at the importunate desire of his parents, he must marry. The bride is of rare beauty, and mentally in perfect sympathy with him; but, as a woman, she is as indifferent to him as any other. Æsthetically she satisfies him “as a work of art;” in his eyes, she is an ideal. To honor her in a platonic way would be happiness worth striving for; but to possess her as a wife is a painful thought. He is certain beforehand that with her he will be impotent, save with the help of ideas of boots. To use such means, however, is in opposition to his respect and his moral and æsthetic feeling for the lady. Were he to soil her with such thoughts, she would lose, in his eyes, all her æsthetic value; and then he would become impotent for her, and she would become repugnant to him. The patient considers his position one of despair, and confesses that he has lately been repeatedly near suicide.
He is a man of much intelligence, and decidedly of masculine appearance, with abundant growth of beard, deep voice, and normal genitals. The eye has a neuropathic expression. No signs of degeneration. Symptoms of spinal neurasthenia. It was possible to reassure the patient, and give him hope of his future.
The medical advice consisted in means for combating the neurasthenia, and the interdiction of masturbation and indulgence of the fancy in images of boots, in the hope that, with the removal of the neurasthenia, cohabitation without ideas of boots would become possible; and that, in time, the patient would become morally and physically capable of marriage.
In the latter part of October, 1888, the patient wrote me that he had resolutely resisted masturbation and his imagination. In the interval he had had but one dream about boots, and scarcely a pollution. He had been free from homo-sexual inclinations, but, in spite of this, there was often considerable sexual excitement, without anything like adequate libido for women. In this deplorable situation, he was compelled, by circumstances, to marry in three months.
2. Homo-Sexual Individuals, or Urnings.—In distinction from the preceding group of psycho-sexual hermaphrodites, there are here, ab origine, sexual desires and inclinations for persons of the same sex exclusively; but, in contrast with the following group, the anomaly is limited to the vita sexualis, and does not more deeply and seriously affect the character and mental personality.
The vita sexualis of these urnings, mutatis mutandis, is entirely like that in normal hetero-sexual love; but, since it is the exact opposite of the natural feeling, it becomes a caricature, and this the more, since these individuals, at the same time, as a rule, are subject to hyperæsthesia sexualis, and, therefore, their love for their own sex is emotional and passionate.
The urning loves and deifies the male object of his affections, just as a man idealizes the woman he loves. He is capable of the greatest sacrifice for him, and experiences the pangs of unfortunate, often unrequited, love; suffers from the unfaithfulness of the beloved object, and is subject to jealousy, etc.
The attention of the male-loving man is given only to male dancers, actors, athletes, statues, etc. The sight of female charms is indifferent to him, if not repulsive. A naked woman is disgusting to him, while the sight of male genitals, hips, etc., affords him infinite pleasure.
The bodily contact of a sympathetic man induces a thrill of delight; and, since such individuals are mostly sexually neurasthenic, congenitally or from onanism or enforced abstinence from sexual intercourse, under such circumstances ejaculation is very easily induced, which, in the most intimate intercourse with women, cannot be induced at all, or only by mechanical means. The sexual act with a man, in many instances, affords pleasure, and leaves behind a feeling of well-being. Should the urning be able to force himself to coitus, in which, as a rule, disgust has the effect of an inhibitory concept, and makes the act impossible, then his feeling is something like that of a man compelled to take disgusting food or drink. However, experience teaches that not infrequently urnings falling in this group marry, either out of ethical or social considerations.
Such unfortunates are relatively potent, in that in marital intercourse they incite their imagination, and, instead of thinking of their wives, they call up the image of some loved male person. But for them coitus is a great sacrifice, and no pleasure; and it makes them, for days after, nervous and miserable. If such urnings, by means of powerful excitation of their imagination, or under the influence of alcoholic drinks, or by erections induced by an overfilled bladder, etc., are enabled to overcome the inhibitory feelings and ideas, then they are still entirely impotent; while simply the touch of a man may induce powerful erection, and even ejaculation.
Dancing with a woman is unpleasant to an urning, but to dance with a man, especially one with an attractive form, seems to him the greatest of pleasures. The male urning, in so far as he possesses higher culture, is not opposed to non-sexual intercourse with women, when by mind and refinement they make conversation pleasant. It is only of woman in her sexual rôle that he has a horror. The homo-sexual woman offers the same manifestations, mutatis mutandis. In this degree of sexual degeneration, character and occupation correspond with the sex which the individual represents. The sexual perversion remains isolated, but an anomaly of the mental being of the individual which deeply affects the social existence. In accordance with this, many of these individuals, in the sexual act, feel themselves in the rôle which would naturally belong to them in hetero-sexual intercourse.
However, transitions to group 3 occur, in as much as sometimes the passive rôle which corresponds with the homo-sexual manner of feeling, is thought of or desired, or at least forms the subject of dreams. Moreover, inclinations for occupations and tendencies of taste are manifested, which do not correspond with the sex of the individual. In many cases, one gets the impression that such symptoms are artificial, the result of educational influences; in other cases, that they represent deeper acquired degenerations of the original anomaly, induced by the perverse sexual activity (masturbation), analogous to the signs of progressive degeneration observed in acquired inversion of the sexual instinct.
With regard to the manner of sexual satisfaction, it must be stated that with many male urnings simple embraces are sufficient to induce ejaculation, since they are subject to irritable weakness of the sexual apparatus. In case of sexual hyperæsthesia, and where there is paræsthesia of the moral sense, great pleasure is afforded by intercourse with persons of the lowest condition. On the same basis, desires to commit pederasty (active, of course) and other similar acts occur, though it is but seldom, and apparently only in cases of moral defect, and by reason of libido nimia in individuals especially passionate, that pederasty is indulged in. The sensual desire of mature urnings, in contradistinction from old and decrepit debauchees, who prefer boys (and indulge in pederasty by preference), seems never to be directed to immature males. Only for want of better material, and in case of violent passion, does the urning become dangerous to boys. The manner of sexual satisfaction in female urnings may be mutual and passive masturbation. To them coitus is quite as disgusting, wearisome, and inadequate as it is to the male urning.
Case 112. The following is an extract from a very circumstantial autobiography which a physician affected with contrary sexual instinct has put at my disposal:—
“I am now forty years old, of healthy family,[114] and have always been healthy and considered a model of physical and mental strength and energy. I am of powerful build, but have only a moderate beard, and, with the exception of hair in the axillæ and on the mons veneris, my body is hairless. The penis, even soon after birth unusually large, measures, in statu erectionis, 24 centimetres long by 11 centimetres in circumference. I am a skillful rider, athlete, and swimmer, and have passed through two great campaigns as a military surgeon. I never experienced any taste for female attire and vocation. Up to the time of puberty I was shy toward the female sex, and I am yet shy with new acquaintances.
“I have always had a distaste for dancing. In my eighth year an inclination for my own sex made its appearance. I next experienced pleasure in regarding my brother’s genitals. I induced my brother to indulge with me in mutual fondling of the genitals, as a result of which I had an erection. Later, in bathing with the school-children, the boys excited a lively interest in me; the girls, none at all. I had so little interest in them that, as late as my fifteenth year, I believed that they also had a penis. In company with boys like myself, I took pleasure in mutual manustupration. At eleven and a half years I was given a strict tutor, and thereafter could steal to my friends but seldom. I learned very easily, but could not get along with my teacher; and when one day he made it too hard for me, I became furious and struck at him with a knife, and would have gladly stabbed him, if he had not fallen into my arms. In my thirteenth year, for a similar cause, I escaped from the teacher, and wandered about for six weeks in the neighboring country.
“I now entered the Gymnasium. At that time I was already sexually developed, and amused myself while bathing with my comrades in the way above mentioned, and later by imitatio coitus between the thighs. I was then thirteen years old. I took absolutely no pleasure with girls. Violent erections caused me to play with my genitals, and I came to take my penis in my mouth, which I succeeded in doing by bending over. This induced ejaculation. I thus learned masturbation. I was much frightened, looked upon myself as a criminal, and confessed to a companion of sixteen. He encouraged and quieted me, and entered into a love-bond with me. We were happy, and satisfied ourselves by mutual onanism. At the same time, I masturbated. After two years the bond was broken; but to this day, when we occasionally meet,—my friend is a high official,—the old fire lights up anew.
“That time with my friend H. was a happy one, the return of which I would gladly buy with my heart’s blood. Then life was a pleasure, learning was mere play, and I had a feeling for everything beautiful.
“During this time a physician, a friend of my father’s, seduced me by caressing me and practicing masturbation on me on the occasion of a visit, and by explaining the sexual act to me. He advised me never to practice manustupration, since it was injurious to health. He then practiced mutual onanism with me, and explained that this was the only way in which he could perform the sexual function. He had a horror of women, and, therefore, had lived unhappily with his deceased wife. He gave me a pressing invitation to visit him as often as possible. The physician was a pompous man, and the father of two sons aged fourteen and fifteen respectively, with whom in the following year I entered into love-relations similar to those I had with my friend H.
“I was ashamed of my unfaithfulness to him, but at the same time continued my relations with the physician. He practiced mutual masturbation with me, showed me our spermatozoa under the microscope, and pornographic works and pictures, which, however, did not please me, because I had interest only for male forms. On the occasion of later visits, he asked me to do him a favor which he had never yet enjoyed, and which he very much desired. Since I loved him, I acquiesced in everything. He dilated my anus with instruments, and practiced pederasty on me, and at the same time performed masturbation, so that I experienced pleasure and pain at once. After this discovery I went immediately to my friend H., with the thought that this beloved man would be able to give me still greater pleasure. We practiced pederasty on each other, but were both deceived, and did not repeat it; for passively I had only pain, and actively no pleasure, while mutual onanism gave us both the greatest enjoyment. Thereafter, out of gratitude, I was still frequently at the disposal of the physician only. Up to my fifteenth year I practiced passive or mutual onanism with my friend. Now I was quite grown, and had all kinds of signs made to me by women and girls; but I fled from them as Joseph did from Potiphar’s wife. At fifteen I came to the Capital. I had but infrequent opportunity for the satisfaction of my sexual inclination. I reveled in the sight of pictures and statues of male forms, and could not keep from kissing the beloved statues. The fig-leaves on the genitals were my principal annoyance.
“At seventeen I went to the University. There, again, I lived two years with my friend H.
“When I was in my eighteenth year, while in a state of mild intoxication, I was set on to have coitus with a woman. I forced myself to it, but immediately afterward I fled the house, overcome with disgust. Just as after the first active manustupration, I had a feeling as if I had committed a crime. On the occasion of another attempt, while in a sober condition, in spite of every effort of a beautiful naked girl, I could not get an erection; though the mere sight of a boy or the touch of a man’s hand on my thigh, would always throw my penis into violent erection. A short time before, my friend H. had had a similar experience. In vain we racked our brains to discover the reason for it. Now I let women alone, and found enjoyment with friends in passive and mutual onanism, among others with both the sons of the physician, who had used them for pederasty after my departure.
“When nineteen years old, I made the acquaintance of two genuine urnings:—
“A., aged 56, of effeminate appearance, beardless, of small endowment mentally, possessing a powerful sexual desire that had been manifested abnormally early, had indulged in urnings’ love since his sixth year. Once a month he visited the Capital. I had to sleep with him. He was insatiable in mutual onanism, and made me take part in active and passive pederasty, which was an unpleasant part of the bargain for me.”
“B., a merchant, aged 36, of masculine appearance, was as passionate as I was. He knew how to make his manipulations on me such a stimulus that I had to serve him passively in pederasty. He was the only one with whom I ever had any pleasure in passive pederasty. He confessed to me that when he but knew that I was near, he had the most painful erections; and that when I could not serve him, he was compelled to satisfy himself by masturbation.
“While pursuing these love-affairs, I was clinical assistant in hospital, and was considered ambitious and skillful in my work. I naturally sought throughout literature for an explanation of my sexual peculiarity. I found it in part as a crime deserving punishment, while for myself I could only recognize in it the natural satisfaction of my sexual desire. I was aware that this was congenital with me. But feeling myself in opposition to the whole world, often near insanity and suicide, I again sought to satisfy my powerful sexual desire with women. The result was always the same,—either want of sufficient erection, or, when it became possible, to force myself to the act, disgust and horror of its repetition. As a military surgeon, I suffered terribly from the sight and touch of thousands of naked male forms. Fortunately, I formed a love-bond with a lieutenant affected similarly, and passed again a time of happiness. For love of him I consented to pederasty, for which he longed. We loved each other until he lost his life at Sedan. From that time I never gave myself to active or passive pederasty, although I had many love-affairs, and was a person much sought.
“At twenty-three I went to the country as a physician, and was sought and esteemed. I satisfied myself with boys over fourteen. I interested myself in political affairs, and made an enemy of the clergyman, and, being betrayed by one of my lovers, was denounced and compelled to flee. The legal investigation, fortunately, did me no harm. I was able to return, but I was greatly shaken; and I went to the war (1870) as a soldier, in the hope of meeting my death. I returned, however, with many distinctions, much matured; and I found still more pleasure in earnest work in my profession. I hoped that the extinction of my excessive sexual desire was near at hand, exhausted by the great hardships of the campaign.
“Scarcely had I recovered, when the old unbounded desire again appeared, and led to new unbridled satisfaction. Of course, I often thought of it; but my inclination, so revolting to the world, did not seem so to me.
“For a year, by means of the greatest exercise of my will, I abstained; then I went to the Capital to force myself to cohabit with a woman. I, who at the sight of the dirtiest ragamuffin had painful erections, could scarcely induce one with the most beautiful woman. Overcome, I returned home and obtained a young man-servant for my personal service and satisfaction.
“The solitude of life as a country physician, and the longing for children, drove me to marriage; besides, I wished to make an end to gossip, and I hoped finally to triumph over my fatal desire.
“I knew a young girl, of whose respect and love for me I was convinced. Through my esteem and honor for my wife, I was enabled to perform the conjugal duties, and begat four boys. The boyish appearance of my wife was of effectual assistance. I called her my ‘Raphael.’ I forced into my fancy images of boys, in order to induce erection. If my fancy ceased for a moment, the erection failed. I was unable to sleep with my wife. Within the last few years coitus has become constantly more difficult to attain, and for two years we have given up all attempts. My wife knows my mental condition, and her esteem and love for me may become estranged.
“My sexual inclination for my own sex is unchanged, and, unfortunately, too often forces me to become untrue to my wife. To this day, the sight of a youth of sixteen puts me into violent sexual excitement with painful erections, so that occasionally I am compelled to help myself with manustupration of him and onanism on myself.
“The sufferings I endure are indescribable. Faute de mieux, I have my wife practice manustupration on me; but what my wife’s hand accomplishes with great effort in half an hour is produced by the hand of a boy in a few seconds. Thus I live, miserable, a slave of the law and of my duty to my wife! I never had pleasure in active or passive pederasty. If I ever practiced or suffered it, it was only from gratitude or desire to please.”
The physician to whom I owe the preceding autobiography assures me that he, up to this time, has had sexual intercourse with at least six hundred urnings. There were, indeed, many among them who to-day occupy high and respected positions. Only about ten per cent. of them came later to love women. Another portion did not avoid women, but were more inclined to their own sex; the remainder were exclusively and lastingly urnings.
This physician asserted that among the six hundred he never found abnormal formation of the genitals; but there were, however, frequent approaches to the female form, as well as incomplete growth of hair, delicate complexion, and higher voice. Development of the mammæ was not infrequent. He asserted that from his thirteenth to his fifteenth year he had milk in his mammæ, which his friend H. sucked out. Only about ten per cent. of this number showed inclination for female occupations, etc. All his acquaintances were affected with a sexual desire that was abnormally powerful, and made its appearance abnormally early. The vast majority felt themselves as the man in their relations with the other, and satisfied themselves by mutual onanism, or by manustupration on the person of the lover, or by masturbation at his hands. The majority were inclined to active pederasty; but very frequently the law and æsthetic feeling were reasons for the non-performance of the act. Those feeling themselves toward the others as women were few, and the inclination to passive pederasty was very infrequent.
In the beginning of 1887, this physician was arrested for having commuted acts of indecency on the persons of two boys under fourteen years. The crime consisted in his having first rubbed mentulam propriam inter femora viri until ejaculatio, and the same procedure cum mentula propria inter femora pueri. At the examination it was recognized that an abnormal instinct was in play, though, at the same time, it was shown that the culprit was not mentally unsound, and not deprived of free will; at least, he had not acted in obedience to an uncontrollable impulse. Therefore, he was sentenced to prison for one year, the mildest possible punishment.
Case 113. Mr. X., Hungarian, merchant, consulted me on account of neurasthenia and sleeplessness, which had existed for years. The investigation of the cause of his trouble led the patient to confess that he had an abnormal sexual instinct for his own sex, that he was very passionate, and that his nervous trouble might well come from that. The following, taken from the history of this intelligent patient, possesses scientific interest:—
“My abnormal sexual instinct reaches back to my childhood. When three years old, I got hold of a journal of fashions. The beautiful pictures of the men I kissed until the paper was torn to tatters, but I paid no attention to the female figures. I did not like to play with boys. I preferred to play with girls, because they always had dolls. I especially liked to cut out dolls’ clothes; and to-day, in spite of my thirty-three years, dolls still possess an interest for me. When a boy, for hours I would lurk about available places, in order to get a sight of male genitals. When I succeeded, a strange, dizzy feeling came over me. Weak, unattractive men or boys made no impression on me. At thirteen I began to masturbate. From my thirteenth till my fifteenth year, I slept with a handsome young man. That was happiness. Hours at a time at night, with erections, I would wait for his return. If in bed he chanced to touch my genitals, it gave me delight. At fourteen I had a school-mate whose instincts were like my own. For hours at a time, during school-hours, we held each other’s genitals. Ah, those were happy hours! As often as I could, I lingered in bath-houses. That was always a feast for me. The sight of male genitals induced violent erections. At sixteen I came to the metropolis. Seeing so many handsome men charmed me. In my eighteenth year I attempted coitus with a prostitute, but disgust and fear made it impossible. Other attempts were failures, until my nineteenth year, when I tried again with success; but the act afforded me no pleasure, rather inducing a feeling of disgust. I conquered myself, and was proud of my success at being a man, which I had gradually begun to doubt.
“Subsequent attempts were no longer successful. The disgust was too great. When the woman was undressing, it became necessary, on account of my feeling of repugnance, to put out the light. I now considered myself impotent, consulted physicians, and visited baths and sanitariums to cure my supposed impotence; for I still did not know what to think of it. I took pleasure in the society of ladies, perhaps out of conceit; for I impressed most ladies as being sympathetic and amiable; but I valued in them nothing more than mental and æsthetic qualities. I liked to dance with them; but if one pressed against me in dancing, I experienced a feeling of repugnance, and even disgust, and felt like striking her. If in joke I happened to dance with a gentleman, I always took the part of the lady. I would press and rub against him, and take a perfect delight in it. When I was eighteen, a gentleman who came into the office, said, ‘That is a fine youth; in the East he would bring a pound sterling every time!’ I puzzled my head over that. Another gentleman liked to joke with me, and steal kisses of me as he was going away, which I would have given him only too gladly. He afterward became my lover. These circumstances excited my attention, and I waited for an opportunity.
“When I was twenty-five years old, it happened that a man who was formerly a Capucine monk became attracted to me. For me he was like a Mephistopheles. Finally he spoke to me. To this day I can almost feel the beating of my heart that he caused me; I almost fainted. He made a rendezvous for that evening at a public house. I went, but at the threshold I turned back, afraid. On the next evening he met me again. He overcame my scruples, and took me to his room. I was scarcely able to walk for excitement. My seducer made me sit on his sofa, and, smiling at me, he fixed his wonderful black eyes on me, and I lost consciousness. This delight, this ideal, divine sense of pleasure that filled my whole being,—I could write too much about it. I think only an innocent youth, over head and ears in love, who for the first time has his love’s longing fulfilled, could be as happy as I was that night. My seducer demanded my life, in joke; but I at first thought him in earnest. I begged him to let me be happy for a time, and then, united to him, I would end my life. It would have been entirely in accordance with the high-flown ideas I entertained at that time. For five years after that, I kept up a relation with the man, who is still so dear to me. Oh, how happy, and yet, often, how unhappy, I was during those years! If I but saw him speak to a handsome young man, I became wildly jealous.
“When twenty-seven, I became engaged to a young lady. Her mind and æsthetic feeling, as well as financial considerations, induced me to think of marriage. At the same time, I am very fond of children, and, whenever I meet even the commonest day-laborer and his wife and a pretty child, I envy the man his good fortune. Thus I made a fool of myself. I managed to get through the time of courtship; when kissing my bride I felt more anxiety and fear than pleasure. On one or two occasions, however, after luxurious dinners, while kissing her passionately, I had erections. How happy I was at that! I saw myself already a father. I twice came near breaking off the engagement. On my marriage-day, when all the guests had assembled, I locked myself in a room, cried like a child, and felt that I could not proceed with the ceremony. At the persuasion of all the relatives, to whom I made the best excuses that occurred to me, I allowed myself to be taken, in ordinary street-costume, to the altar.
“As great good fortune would have it, at the time of the marriage, my wife was menstruating. Oh, how thankful I was for this excuse! I am now convinced that this circumstance is all that made later cohabitation possible. How it later became possible for me to cohabit with my wife, and have a lovely boy, I do not know. He is the comfort of my ruined life. I can only thank God for the happiness of having a child. I was a cheat, so to speak, in the marriage-bed. My wife, whom I respect for her high qualities of character, has no suspicion of my condition, but she often complains of my coldness. With her goodness of heart and simplicity, it was possible for me to make her think that the conjugal duty should be performed but once a month. Since she is in nowise sensual, and I can find excuse in my nervousness, I am successful in keeping up the swindle. Cohabitation is the greatest sacrifice for me. By taking considerable wine, and by making use of the erections which occur in the morning, as the result of an overfilled bladder, it is possible for me to perform coitus once a month; but it affords me no pleasurable feeling, and I am worried and experience an increase of my nervous difficulties all day long after it. The consciousness of having fulfilled my duty toward my wife, whom in all other respects I love, affords me moral consolation and satisfaction. With a man, it is otherwise. With him I can perform the act several times in a night, always taking the sexual rôle of a man. In this, I experience the greatest pleasure, the purest happiness. I feel myself refreshed and invigorated by it. Of late, my desire for men has somewhat decreased; in fact, I have courage even to avoid a handsome young man that approaches me. Will it last? I fear not. I am absolutely unable to do without male love; if I am compelled to forego it, I become depressed, feel weary and miserable, and have pain and pressure in my head. I have always regarded my pitiable peculiarity as something congenital, and I would feel happy if I had only not married. I pity my good wife. Often the fear seizes me that I cannot endure it with her longer; then thoughts about divorce, suicide, and flight to America come to me.”
No one seeing the patient to whom I owe this communication would suspect his condition. His outward appearance is, in all respects, masculine; he has a well-developed, full beard, strong and deep voice, and normal genitals. The cranium is normally formed; signs of degeneration are absolutely wanting, and only an exquisitely nervous eye makes one suspect a neuropathic condition. The vegetative organs perform their functions normally. The patient presents the usual symptoms of a neurasthenia, which may, in all essentials, be ascribed to sexual excesses with persons of his own sex, in a man abnormally passionate; and to the injurious influences of forced, though infrequent, coitus with the wife where horror feminæ exists.
The patient declares that he comes from healthy parents, and that he knows of no neuroses or mental disease in his ancestry. His elder brother was married three years. There was a separation, because the husband never had sexual intercourse with his wife. He married a second time. The second wife also complained of neglect on the part of the husband; but she had four children, concerning whose legitimacy no doubt was ever raised. A sister is hysteropathic.
The patient says that, when a young man, he suffered with momentary attacks of dizziness, during which it seemed to him as if he were about to die. He says that he has always been very excitable and emotional, and an enthusiast for the arts, especially poetry and music. He himself designates his character as enigmatical, abnormal, nervous, restless, extravagant, and undecided. He is often exalted without real reason, and then again depressed, even to thoughts of suicide. He may pass through quick and sudden changes,—“religious and frivolous, optimistic and cynical, cowardly and brave, credulous, amiable, and suspicious; inclined to do others harm, and sorrowful to tears over the misfortunes of others; and with this, generous to excess, and then again miserly à la Harpagon.” The patient is certainly a tainted individual. He seems to be very well endowed intellectually, and, as he says, to have learned easily, and been among the first at school.
The marriage of this man was not happy. Notwithstanding the fact that it was but very infrequently that he performed the inadequate and injurious sexual act with his wife, and that he sought and found a substitute in male lovers, he remained neurasthenic. His disease, at times, presents marked exacerbations, even manifesting itself in despairing depression about his matrimonial, sexual, and mental condition, which even extends to violent tædium vitæ.
His wife became hysteropathic and anæmic, and the patient attributed this to sexual abstinence. Try as he would to force himself, of late years he has not been able to perform coitus, erection failing completely; while, in intercourse with male lovers, he is very potent.
The son of these unfortunate parents, who is now over nine years old, develops well. The patient adds that formerly, in coitus with his wife, he was potent only when he thought of a beloved man. (From the author’s “Lehrb. der Psychiatrie.”)
Case 114. Autobiography. “The writer of this is a congenital urning. If I have not consorted with other urnings, nevertheless, I am fully informed of my condition; for it has been my lot to see almost all literature on the subject. A short time ago, your work, ‘Psychopathia Sexualis,’ was sent to me. I saw in it that you were working and studying without prejudice in the interest of science and humanity.
“If I cannot tell you much that is new, yet I will speak of a few things which I trust you will receive as one more stone to be used by you in your work; which, I am confident, will, in your hands, aid in saving us.
“When you presume that there is often an hereditary tainted condition, perhaps you are right. My father was subject to spinal disease before my birth; later, he became mentally unsound, and took his own life.
“Another point, which I am inclined to doubt, is the one mentioned by you in another place,—i.e., that onanism practiced from youth may lead to perverse instinct.
“I (merchant, owner of a small business, unmarried) am in the beginning of my thirtieth year. I am apparently healthy, and show scarcely a deviation from the normal masculine type. The first sexual impulses were immediately and exclusively directed to the male sex, and I experienced them from my tenth year. I have masturbated since my twelfth year. Since, in spite of all attempts, coitus with women was always absolutely impossible for me; and since I have never had desire for women—on the contrary, rather aversion; and since my attempts have never resulted in the slightest erection, I have been compelled to satisfy myself by onanism.
“If now I am to confess the manner of my sexual satisfaction, I may say that in my earlier years my fellow-pupils and companions excited me sexually. Now my impulse consists in a desire for boys of about ten, but mostly for youths of from fifteen to twenty years.
“For a long time, strong and healthy cadets, of fine form, have had a particular charm for me; and by their handsome uniforms and fine presence they especially excite my desire. I have no opportunity to approach them, or even to enter into distant social intercourse with them; but I am compelled to satisfy myself with following them in the streets and squares; or in restaurants, horse-cars or railways, by sitting near them, and, when it is possible to do it unnoticed, under such circumstances, by practicing onanism. My most ardent wish has often been to become the friend, servant, or slave of such a young man.
“I have never even dreamed of direct pederasty; my desire has always been bodily contact, embrace, manustupration of my genitals by my lover, and, on my part, a kiss on his genitals or podex.
“I often have the desire, however, to represent Sacher-Masoch in his ‘Venus in Furs.’ There a man makes himself the voluntary slave of a woman, and feels an intense thrill of lustful pleasure, if he is only chastised and humiliated by her. But I naturally feel that I could, under no circumstances, become the slave of a woman, but only of a man; more correctly, of a young man; one, however, for whom I should have such an infinite love that I could give myself up entirely to his mercy or cruelty.
“The lustful images that float before my mind in masturbation are those of this or that young man that I have just seen. As a sad and incomplete substitute, I practice this onanism constantly.
“I pass into a lustful dream in this way (and I say all here, because I wish to write only the truth and the whole truth): I choose a young man that pleases me by his form, and in imagination give myself up to involuntary obedience to him. I imagine that he wishes to humiliate me, and that he commands me, for example, to kiss his feet; or compels me to smell his socks. For want of the desired actuality, I take my own socks, smell of them, take them into my mouth, rub them over my genitals, and immediately erection and ejaculation, with sensual pleasure, take place.
“Yes, I am so dominated by this mental imagery that I imagine that the young man is my confessor, and, in order to humiliate me, orders me to eat of his excrement. Here again, in want of actuality, I eat of my own excrement, but only in small quantity. Then, with an imperfect feeling of disgust and violent palpitation of the heart, erection and ejaculation take place.
“However, I come to this vile, feverish imagery and the performance of these acts, only when it has not been possible for me for a long time to satisfy myself by onanism in the immediate vicinity of a young man.
“This is for me more natural, because I then have more pleasure, and experience a more perfect physical and mental benefit, even though my ideal of actual and direct satisfaction in mutual understanding were never to be accorded me.
“I almost believe that the above-mentioned disgusting imagery is only the evil result of constant want of normal satisfaction,—i.e., of my normal satisfaction as an urning; and that with a regular satisfaction, body to body, the imagery that becomes almost insane would be less intense, and certainly would not go to such extravagance. Or it is the ultimate result of an attempt at abstinence; for these idiotic, sensual images only come after a long period of it.
“I believe, indeed, that, under other social conditions, I should be capable of great and noble love and self-sacrifice. My thoughts are in no way exclusively carnal or diseased. How often, at the sight of a handsome young man, a deep feeling of impatience seizes me, and I breathe at once the sweet words of Heine:—