[4] Or whatever the game may be.
Sometimes the visiting card is used with the date and the word "Cards" written in the lower corner as in the visiting-card invitation to a dance. This custom is more often used for the more elaborate affairs.
Miscellaneous invitations
The following are variations of informal party and other invitations:
83 Woodlawn Avenue,
November 4, 1921.
My dear Alice,
I am having a little party on Thursday evening next and I want very much to have you come. If you wish me to arrange for an escort, let me know if you have any preference.
Sincerely yours,
Helen Westley.
May 12, 1922.
My dear Alice,
On Saturday next I am giving a small party for my niece, Miss Edith Rice of Albany, and I should like very much to have her meet you. I hope you can come.
Very sincerely yours,
Katherine G. Evans.
A letter of condolence may be written to relatives, close friends, and to those whom we know well. When the recipient of the condolatory message is simply an acquaintance, it is in better taste to send a visiting card with "sincere sympathy." Flowers may or may not accompany the card.
But in any case the letter should not be long, nor should it be crammed with sad quotations and mushy sentiment. Of course, at best, writing a condolence is a nice problem. Do not harrow feelings by too-familiar allusions to the deceased. The letter should be sent immediately upon receiving news of death.
When a card is received, the bereaved family acknowledge it a few weeks later with an engraved acknowledgment on a black-bordered card. A condolatory letter may be acknowledged by the recipient or by a relative or friend who wishes to relieve the bereaved one of this task.
Formal acknowledgment engraved on card
Mrs. Gordon Burroughs and Family
Gratefully acknowledge
Your kind expression of sympathy
The cards, however, may be engraved with a space for the name to be filled in:
_____________________________
Gratefully acknowledge
_____________________________
Kind expression of sympathy
When the letter of condolence is sent from a distance, it is acknowledged by a note from a member of the bereaved family. When the writer of the condolence makes the customary call afterward, the family usually makes a verbal acknowledgment and no written reply is required.
Letters of condolence
(A)
My dear Mrs. Burroughs,
May every consolation be given you in your great loss. Kindly accept my deepest sympathy.
Sincerely yours,
Jane Everett.
October 4, 1921
My dear Mrs. Burroughs,
It is with the deepest regret that we learn of your bereavement. Please accept our united and heartfelt sympathies.
Very sincerely yours,
Katherine Gerard Evans.
October 5, 1921
(C)
My dear Eleanor,
May I express my sympathy for you in the loss of your dear mother, even though there can be no words to comfort you? She was so wonderful to all of us that we can share in some small part in your grief.
With love, I am
Affectionately yours,
Ruth Evans.
July 8, 1922
(D)
My dear Mrs. Burroughs,
I am sorely grieved to learn of the death of your husband, for whom I had the greatest admiration and regard. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy.
Yours sincerely,
Douglas Spencer.
October 6, 1921
A letter of condolence that is something of a classic is Abraham Lincoln's famous letter to Mrs. Bixby, the bereaved mother of five sons who died for their country:
Washington, November 21, 1864.
Dear Madam:
I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant-General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.
Yours very sincerely and respectfully,
Abraham Lincoln.
This is the letter[5] that Robert E. Lee, when he was president of Washington College, wrote to the father of a student who was drowned:
Washington College,
Lexington, Virginia,
March 19, 1868.
My dear Sir:
Before this you have learned of the affecting death of your son. I can say nothing to mitigate your grief or to relieve your sorrow: but if the sincere sympathy of his comrades and friends and of the entire community can bring you any consolation, I can assure you that you possess it in its fullest extent. When one, in the pureness and freshness of youth, before having been contaminated by sin or afflicted by misery, is called to the presence of his Merciful Creator, it must be solely for his good. As difficult as this may be for you now to recognize, I hope you will keep it constantly in your memory and take it to your comfort; pray that He who in His wise Providence has permitted this crushing sorrow may sanctify it to the happiness of all. Your son and his friend, Mr. Birely, often passed their leisure hours in rowing on the river, and, on last Saturday afternoon, the 4th inst., attempted what they had more than once been cautioned against—to approach the foot of the dam, at the public bridge. Unfortunately, their boat was caught by the return-current, struck by the falling water, and was immediately upset. Their perilous position was at once seen from the shore, and aid was hurried to their relief, but before it could reach them both had perished. Efforts to restore your son's life, though long continued, were unavailing. Mr. Birely's body was not found until next morning. Their remains were, yesterday, Sunday, conveyed to the Episcopal church in this city, where the sacred ceremonies for the dead were performed by the Reverend Dr. Pendleton, who nineteen years ago, at the far-off home of their infancy, placed upon them their baptismal vows. After the service a long procession of the professors and students of the college, the officers and cadets of the Virginia Military Academy, and the citizens of Lexington accompanied their bodies to the packetboat for Lynchburg, where they were placed in charge of Messrs. Wheeler & Baker to convey them to Frederick City.
With great regard and sincere sympathy, I am,
Most respectfully,
R. E. Lee.
[5] From "Recollections and Letters of General Robert E. Lee," by Capt. Robert E. Lee. Copyright, 1904, by Doubleday, Page & Co.
When President Alderman, of the University of Virginia, was forced to take a long rest in the mountains in 1912 because of incipient tuberculosis, the late Walter H. Page, at the time editor of the World's Work, wrote the following tenderly beautiful letter of sympathy to Mrs. Alderman:
Cathedral Avenue, Garden City, L. I.,
December 9, 1912.
My dear Mrs. Alderman:
In Raleigh the other day I heard a rumor of the sad news that your letter brings, which I have just received on my return from a week's absence. I had been hoping that it was merely a rumor. The first impression I have is thankfulness that it had been discovered so soon and that you have acted so promptly. On this I build a great hope.
But underlying every thought and emotion is the sadness of it—that it should have happened to him, now when he has done that prodigious task and borne that hard strain and was come within sight of a time when, after a period of more normal activity, he would in a few years have got the period of rest that he has won.—But these will all come yet; for I have never read a braver thing than your letter. That bravery on your part and his, together with the knowledge the doctors now have, will surely make his recovery certain and, I hope, not long delayed. If he keep on as well as he has begun, you will, I hope, presently feel as if you were taking a vacation. Forget that it is enforced.
There comes to my mind as I write man after man in my acquaintance who have successfully gone through this experience and without serious permanent hurt. Some of them live here. More of them live in North Carolina or Colorado as a precaution. I saw a few years ago a town most of whose population of several thousand persons are recovered and active, after such an experience. The disease has surely been robbed of much of its former terror.
Your own courage and cheerfulness, with his own, are the best physic in the world. Add to these the continuous and sincere interest that his thousands of friends feel—these to keep your courage up, if it should ever flag a moment—and we shall all soon have the delight to see and to hear him again—his old self, endeared, if that be possible, by this experience.
And I pray you, help me (for I am singularly helpless without suggestions from you) to be of some little service—of any service that I can. Would he like letters from me? I have plenty of time and an eagerness to write them, if they would really divert or please him. Books? What does he care most to read? I can, of course, find anything in New York. A visit some time? It would be a very real pleasure to me. You will add to my happiness greatly if you will frankly enable me to add even the least to his.
And now and always give him my love. That is precisely the word I mean; for, you know, I have known Mr. Alderman since he was graduated, and I have known few men better or cared for them more.
And I cannot thank you earnestly enough for your letter; and I shall hope to have word from you often—if (when you feel indisposed to write more) only a few lines.
How can I serve? Command me without a moment's hesitation.
Most sincerely yours,
Walter H. Page.
To Mrs. Edwin A. Alderman.
Joaquin Miller wrote the following letter to Walt Whitman on receiving news that the latter was ill:
Revere House, Boston, May 27, '75.
My dear Walt Whitman:[6]
Your kind letter is received and the sad news of your ill health makes this pleasant weather even seem tiresome and out of place. I had hoped to find you the same hale and whole man I had met in New York a few years ago and now I shall perhaps find you bearing a staff all full of pain and trouble. However my dear friend as you have sung from within and not from without I am sure you will be able to bear whatever comes with that beautiful faith and philosophy you have ever given us in your great and immortal chants. I am coming to see you very soon as you request; but I cannot say to-day or set to-morrow for I am in the midst of work and am not altogether my own master. But I will come and we will talk it all over together. In the meantime, remember that whatever befall you you have the perfect love and sympathy of many if not all of the noblest and loftiest natures of the two hemispheres. My dear friend and fellow toiler good by.
Yours faithfully,
Joaquin Miller.
[6] From "With Walt Whitman in Camden," by Horace Traubel. Copyright, 1905, 1906, by Doubleday, Page & Co.
When Theodore Roosevelt was ill in hospital, Lawrence Abbott wrote him this letter:[7]
Please accept this word of sympathy and best wishes. Some years ago I had a severe attack of sciatica which kept me in bed a good many days: in fact, it kept me in an armchair night and day some of the time because I could not lie down, so I know what the discomfort and pain are.
I want to take this opportunity also of sending you my congratulations. For I think your leadership has had very much to do with the unconditional surrender of Germany. Last Friday night I was asked to speak at the Men's Club of the Church of the Messiah in this city and they requested me to make you the subject of my talk. I told them something about your experience in Egypt and Europe in 1910 and said what I most strongly believe, that your address at the Sorbonne—in strengthening the supporters of law and order against red Bolshevism—and your address in Guildhall—urging the British to govern or go—contributed directly to the success of those two governments in this war. If Great Britain had allowed Egypt to get out of hand instead of, as an actual result of your Guildhall speech, sending Kitchener to strengthen the feebleness of Sir Eldon Gorst, the Turks and Germans might have succeeded in their invasion and have cut off the Suez Canal. So you laid the ground for preparedness not only in this country but in France and England.
I know it was a disappointment to you not to have an actual share in the fighting but I think you did a greater piece of work in preparing the battleground and the battle spirit.
[7] From "Impressions of Theodore Roosevelt," by Lawrence F. Abbott Copyright, 1919, by Doubleday, Page & Co.
In reply Mr. Roosevelt sent Mr. Abbott this note:
That's a dear letter of yours, Lawrence. I thank you for it and I appreciate it to the full.
Acknowledgments
(A)
My dear Mr. Spencer,
I am grateful to you for your comforting letter. Thank you for your sympathy.
Sincerely yours,
Mary Cole Burroughs.
October 26, 1921.
(B)
My dear Mrs. Evans,
Let me thank you in behalf of myself and my family for your sympathy. Do not measure our appreciation by the length of time it has taken me to reply. We appreciated your letter deeply.
Sincerely yours,
Mary Cole Burroughs.
October 26, 1921.
(C)
My dear Arthur,
I want to thank you for your sympathetic letter received in our bereavement.
Sincerely yours,
Mary Cole Burroughs.
October 26, 1921.
(D)
Dear Mr. Treadwell,
Thank you very much for your sympathy. Your offer to be of service to me at this time I greatly appreciate, but I shall not need to trouble you, although it is comforting to know that I may call on you.
I shall never forget your kindness.
Sincerely yours,
Mary Cole Burroughs.
October 24, 1921.
This is the note[8] that Thomas Bailey Aldrich wrote to his friend William H. Rideing upon receiving from the latter a note of condolence:
I knew that you would be sorry for us. I did not need your sympathetic note to tell me that. Our dear boy's death has given to three hearts—his mother's, his brother's and mine—a wound that will never heal. I cannot write about it. My wife sends her warm remembrance with mine to you both.
Ever faithfully your friend,
T. B. Aldrich.
[8] From "Many Celebrities and a Few Others—A Bundle of Reminiscences," by William H. Rideing. Copyright, 1912, by Doubleday, Page & Co.
The letter of congratulation must be natural, not stilted, and must be sincere. In congratulating a new acquaintance on a marriage it is not necessary to send more than the visiting card with "heartiest congratulations." To a bride and groom together a telegram of congratulation may be sent on the day of the wedding, as soon as possible after the ceremony.
To a bride one does not send congratulations, but "the best of good wishes." The congratulations are for the groom.
The following letters will serve as examples for congratulatory letters for different occasions:
On a birthday
500 Park Avenue,
February 6, 1923.
My dear Mrs. Elliott,
Congratulations on your birthday! I hope that all your years to come will be as happy and as helpful to others as those past.
I am sending you a little gift as a token of appreciation for your kindness to me, which I hope you will enjoy.
Most sincerely yours,
Katherine G. Evans.
From a gentlemen to a young lady on her birthday
500 Park Avenue,
April 13, 1922.
My dear Miss Judson,
May I send you my congratulations on this your birthday?
I am sending a little token of my best wishes for you for many years to come.
Yours sincerely,
Richard Evans.
On a wedding day anniversary
500 Park Avenue,
June 1, 1923.
My dear Charlotte and George,
Please accept my heartiest good wishes on this, the fifteenth anniversary of your marriage. May the years to come bring every blessing to you both.
Sincerely yours,
Katherine Gerard Evans.
(B)
500 Park Avenue,
December 4, 1922.
My dear Mrs. Smith,
Congratulations on this the twentieth anniversary of your wedding. Our heartiest wishes to you both from Mr. Evans and me.
Yours very sincerely,
Katherine Gerard Evans.
788 East 46th St.,
August 11, 1923.
My dear Dorothy,
Congratulations upon the birth of your daughter. May the good fairies shower upon her the gifts of goodness, wisdom, and beauty.
Very sincerely yours,
Charlotte B. Trent.
On a graduation
500 Park Avenue,
June 30, 1923.
My dear John,
It is with great pleasure that I hear of your graduation this year. It is a fine thing to have so successfully finished your college course.
May I send my heartiest congratulations?
Sincerely yours,
Ruth Evans.
On an engagement
In writing to a girl or a man on the occasion of an engagement to be married there is no general rule if one knows the man or woman. One may write as one wishes.
If a stranger is to be received into the family, one writes a kindly letter.
April 3, 1923.
My dear Haines,
Let me be among the first to congratulate you on your engagement to Miss Bruce. I have not met her but I know that to reach your high ideals she must indeed be a wonderful girl. I hope I may soon have the pleasure of meeting her.
Sincerely yours,
Charles Lawson.
500 Park Avenue,
May 14, 1923.
My dear Miss Bruce,
My nephew has told me his great news. I am much pleased to hear that you are soon to come into the family, because I know that the girl of Edward's choice must be sweet and charming. I hope that you will learn to love us for our own sake as well as for Edward's.
Sincerely yours,
Katherine G. Evans.
500 Park Avenue,
September 18, 1923.
Dear Helen,
The announcement of your engagement to Robert Haines is a delightful surprise. He is, as we all know, a splendid chap.
I am so happy that this great happiness has come to you. I hope that I may hear all about it, and with best wishes to you both, I am
Affectionately yours,
Ruth Evans.
On the subject of engagements, perhaps the following letter from Charles Lamb to Fanny Kelly, and her reply, will be of interest—though the unarduous and somewhat prosaic tone of Elia's proposal of marriage—beautifully expressed as it is—is hardly to be recommended as a model calculated to bring about the desired result!
Dear Miss Kelly:
We had the pleasure, pain I might better call it, of seeing you last night in the new play. It was a most consummate piece of acting, but what a task for you to undergo! At a time when your heart is sore from real sorrow it has given rise to a train of thinking, which I cannot suppress.
Would to God you were released from this way of life; that you could bring your mind to consent to take your lot with us, and throw off forever the whole burden of your profession. I neither expect nor wish you to take notice of this which I am writing, in your present over occupied and hurried state—but to think of it at your leisure. I have quite income enough, if that were all, to justify for me making such a proposal, with what I may call even a handsome provision for my survivor. What you possess of your own would naturally be appropriated to those, for whose sakes chiefly you have made so many hard sacrifices. I am not so foolish as not to know that I am a most unworthy match for such a one as you, but you have for years been a principal object in my mind. In many a sweet assumed character I have learned to love you, but simply as F. M. Kelly I love you better than them all. Can you quit these shadows of existence, and come and be a reality to us? Can you leave off harassing yourself to please a thankless multitude, who know nothing of you, and begin at last to live to yourself and your friends?
As plainly and frankly as I have seen you give or refuse assent in some feigned scene, so frankly do me the justice to answer me. It is impossible I should feel injured or aggrieved by your telling me at once, that the proposal does not suit you. It is impossible that I should ever think of molesting you with idle importunity and prosecution after your mind [is] once firmly spoken—but happier, far happier, could I have leave to hope a time might come, when our friends might be your friends; our interests yours; our book knowledge, if in that inconsiderable particular we have any like advantage, might impart something to you, which you would every day have it in your power ten thousand fold to repay by the added cheerfulness and joy which you could not fail to bring as a dowry into whatever family should have the honor and happiness of receiving you, the most welcome accession that could be made to it.
In haste, but with entire respect and deepest affection, I subscribe myself
C. Lamb.
To this letter Miss Kelly replied:
Henrietta Street, July 20, 1819.
An early and deeply rooted attachment has fixed my heart on one from whom no worldly prospect can well induce me to withdraw it, but while I thus frankly and decidedly decline your proposal, believe me, I am not insensible to the high honour which the preference of such a mind as yours confers upon me—let me, however, hope that all thought upon this subject will end with this letter, and that you will henceforth encourage no other sentiment towards me than esteem in my private character and a continuance of that approbation of my humble talents which you have already expressed so much and so often to my advantage and gratification.
Believe me I feel proud to acknowledge myself
Your obliged friend,
F. M. Kelly.
To C. Lamb, Esq.
Letters of introduction should not be given indiscriminately. If the giver of the letter feels that something of benefit may come to both of the persons concerned, then there is no doubt about the advisability of it. But a letter of introduction should not be given to get rid of the person who asks for it.
It is not good form to ask for one. If it is really necessary to have one and the friend to be requested knows that you need it, he will probably give you the letter unsolicited.
A letter of introduction should not be sealed by the person giving it. It is written in social form and placed in an unsealed envelope addressed to the person to whom the introduction is made. If the letter is a friendly letter, it is enclosed in an additional envelope by the person who requested the letter, sealed, and with his card on which appears his city address, sent to the person addressed. The person addressed, upon the receipt of the letter, calls within three days upon the person who is introduced.
It has been customary to deliver a business letter of introduction in person, but on consideration, it would seem that this is not the wisest course. The letters of introduction most in demand are those to very busy men—men of affairs. If one calls personally at the office of such a man, the chance of seeing him on the occasion of presenting the letter is slight. And, as has often been proved in practice, a telephone call to arrange an appointment seldom gets through. The best plan seems to be to mail the letter with a short note explaining the circumstances under which it was written.
Sometimes (more often in business) an introduction is made by a visiting card with "Introducing Mr. Halliday" written at the top. This method may be used with a person with whom we are not well acquainted. This introductory card is usually presented in person, but what has been said concerning the letter applies here also.
Matters of a personal or private nature should not appear in letters of introduction.
(A)
New York, N. Y.,
June 8, 1922.
Dear Dick,
The bearer of this note, Mr. Donald Ritchie of Boston, expects to be in your town for six months or so. He is an old friend of mine—in fact, I knew him at College—and I think you would like him.
He is going to Black Rock in the interest of the Sedgwick Cement Company. He knows nobody in Black Rock, and anything you can do to make his stay pleasant, I shall greatly appreciate.
Cordially yours,
John Hope.
(B)
Canajoharie, New York,
June 8, 1922.
My dear Mrs. Evans,
This will introduce to you Miss Caroline Wagner who is the daughter of one of my oldest friends. She will be in New York this winter to continue her music studies.
She is a girl of charming personality and has many accomplishments. I am sure you will enjoy her company. She is a stranger in New York and any courtesy you may extend to her I shall be deeply grateful for.
Very sincerely yours,
Edna Hamilton Miller.
Mrs. John Evans
500 Park Avenue
New York, N. Y.
(C)
8 Beacon Street,
Boston, Mass.,
March 17, 1922.
My dear Brent,
The bearer, William Jones, is a young acquaintance of mine who is going to live in Cleveland. If there is anything you can do without too much trouble to yourself in recommending a place to board, or assisting him to a situation, I shall be grateful. He has good habits, and if he gets a foothold I am sure he will make good.
Yours sincerely,
Robert T. Hill.
Another letter, already immortal as a literary gem, is Benjamin Franklin's "Model of a Letter of Recommendation of a Person You Are Unacquainted With":
Sir,
The bearer of this, who is going to America, presses me to give him a letter of recommendation, though I know nothing of him, not even his name. This may seem extraordinary, but I assure you it is not uncommon here. Sometimes, indeed, one unknown person brings another equally unknown, to recommend him; and sometimes they recommend one another! As to this gentleman, I must refer you to himself for his character and merits, with which he is certainly better acquainted than I can possibly be. I recommend him, however, to those civilities, which every stranger, of whom one knows no harm, has a right to; and I request you will do him all the good offices, and show him all the favor, that, on further acquaintance, you shall find him to deserve. I have the honor to be, etc.
For a wedding gift
The letter of thanks for a wedding gift must be sent as soon as possible after the receipt of the gift. The bride herself must write it. When the wedding is hurried or when gifts arrive at the last moment, the bride is not required to acknowledge them until after the honeymoon. In all cases the gift is acknowledged both for herself and her husband-elect or husband.
898 East 53rd Street
May 5, 1922.
My dear Mrs. Elliott,
The bouillon spoons are exquisite. It was simply lovely of you to send us such a beautiful gift. Leonard wishes to express with me our deepest appreciation.
With all good wishes, I am
Sincerely yours,
Dorothy Evans Duncan.
(B)
898 East 53rd Street
May 8, 1922.
My dear Mrs. Callender,
This is the first opportunity I have had to thank you for your wonderful gift. But, as you know, our arrangements were changed at the last moment and many of our wedding gifts we did not have time to open before going away. So we hope you will forgive us for the delay.
We are now back in town established in our new home and I want you to know how appropriate are those exquisite candlesticks. Mr. Duncan and I are both deeply grateful for your thought of us.
Yours most sincerely,
Dorothy Evans Duncan.
For a Christmas gift
134 Bolton Place
December 28, 1923.
My dear Alice,
Your handsome Christmas gift is something I have wanted for a long time, but never could get for myself. The bag and its beautiful fittings are much admired. I send my warmest thanks for your thoughtfulness in selecting it.
Very sincerely yours,
Mary Scott.
For a gift received by a girl from a man
400 Ellsworth Place
April 14, 1922.
My dear Mr. Everett,
Thank you for your good wishes and for your lovely gift in remembrance of my birthday. It is a charming book and one which I am very anxious to read.
It was most kind of you to think of me.
Sincerely yours,
Katherine Judson.
For a gift to a child
798 East 38th Street,
December 31, 1923.
My dear Mr. Basset,
Your wonderful Christmas gift to Barbara came this morning. She is wholly captivated with her beautiful doll and I am sure would thank you for it if she could talk.
Let me thank you for your kindness in remembering her.
Cordially yours,
Dorothy Evans Brewster.
49 Maxwell Avenue,
Bayview, Long Island,
July 15, 1923.
My dear Mr. Haines,
I appreciate very much the exquisite flowers which you so kindly sent to Mrs. Evans. She is rapidly improving and will soon be about again.
We send our warmest thanks.
Very sincerely yours,
John Evans.
For favor shown to another
500 Park Avenue,
November 25, 1922.
My dear Mrs. Howard,
You were very kind indeed in entertaining my cousin, Mrs. Douglas, during her stay in your city. I am exceedingly grateful and I hope to find some way of reciprocating.
Very sincerely yours,
Katherine G. Evans.
Following are actual letters of thanks written by distinguished persons. Here is one[9] from George Meredith to Lady Granby, acknowledging the receipt of a reproduction of a portrait by her of Lady Marjorie Manners:
Box Hill, Dorking,
Dec. 26, 1899.
Dear Lady Granby:
It is a noble gift, and bears the charms to make it a constant pleasure with me. I could have wished for the full face of your daughter, giving eyes and the wild sweep of hair, as of a rivule issuing from under low eaves of the woods—so I remember her. You have doubtless other sketches of a maid predestined to be heroine. I could take her for one. All the women and children are heaven's own, and human still, and individual too. Behold me, your most grateful
George Meredith.