A Will and No Will or A Bone for the Lawyers. (1746) The New Play Criticiz'd, or the Plague of Envy (1747), by Charles Macklin

Cank. Madam, I am sorry your Ladyship obliges me to tell you that you want Judgment.

Lady. Not to see into you, Sir—Your Envy shall never be rude or troublesome to any of my Family again, I assure you, Sir.

Cank. Nor shall your Ignorance or your Niece's ever be troublesome to me again; I would as soon Match into a Family of Hottentots.

Lady. O mighty well, Sir!—Harriet, I desire you will never think of Mr. Canker more.

Sir Pat. Upon my Honour that was unpolite—and you might as well say I want Judgment.

Cank. You are those kind of Judges who are brought into the Channel of Criticism by the Springtide of Fashion, part of the Rubbish which helps to swell it above the Mark of Truth, and with its Ebb, return as precipitately as you came in, and are never heard of more.

Trif. Dullness seize me! If I understand what you mean by your Springtide, your Fashion, and your Rubbish—I insist upon the Play, [it] is a good Play—quite tip top, the best Play in life, split me!

Sir Pat. Faith, so it is, Mr. Trifle, a very good Play, for the Author told me so himself—and you know it must be good when I had it from his own Mouth.

Sir Pat. No, Madam, but I had it at second hand, from a third Parson, and that's the same thing, you know.

Foot. Mr. Advocate the Lawyer is come; he bid me inform your Ladyship that the Writings are ready.

Lady. Very well. (Exit Footman) We shall [have] no Occasion for them tonight nor never in regard to Mr. Canker.

Heart. I protest, Madam, this Hour's Conversation and its Circumstances, tolerably handled, would make, a la mode a Francaise, an agreeable Petit Piece.

Heart. Shall I recommend it to your Ladyship? I know your Talents for the Drama, and I'll answer for its Success.

Trif. And so will I by Jupiter; my Lady, we'll make a party on purpose to support it.

Sir Pat. And so will I by all the Gods in Virgil's Iliad! O I'll come alone with a hundred Catcalls of my Acquaintance to support it.

Lady. Upon my Honour, I don't dislike the Whim, if you will promise your Assistance, Mr. Heartly.

Heart. Your Ladyship does me Honour; you may command me and Mr. Canker shall be the Hero.

Lady. Really I am afraid his Character is so very high that the Audience will never allow it to be natural.

Heart. That part of the Audience who would know the Copy by themselves might condemn it through Policy as being exaggerated, but the Candid and Judicious who could not be hurt by it and who know the Nature of Envy would approve it. Besides Farce will admit of Characters being a little outre.

Lady. I protest you are a mighty good Critick, Mr. Heartly, but I am afraid we shall want Plot in our Petit Piece, Mr. Heartly.

Heart. Not at all, my Lady! There is no great Demand for Plot in a Farce, but to please the Criticks we'll have a little. The main Business must be the exposing an envious Author, and the Plot must be to provoke his Envy to neglect his Mistress and to quarrel with your Ladyship, the Poetical Justice of which must be your breaking off the intended Match, and giving me his Mistress, who am to be his Rival; and as the Piece is to be a temporary thing, I dare say the Audience will make reasonable Allowances.

Lady. I vow I like the Contrivance mightily, and I think there's something very Singular and very Novel.

Heart. You shall be the Jack Maggot of the Farce, which shall be so trifling that you may be either kept in or left out.

Heart. Really, Sir Patrick, I know no Business you can have in it, unless it be to make the Audience laugh.

Sir Pat. Faith then I have a good Hand at that—for I am so very witty that I always make Company laugh wherever I come.

Nib. Mr. Heartly, give me leave to tell you your Farce will never succeed, for your Characters will be too high for that Species of the Drama, and not half ridiculous enough.

Heart. To remedy that, Sir, we will bring in your Character at the End of the Farce as a Satyr upon all Criticks who find fault with Trifles.

Trif. Ha, ha, admirable! That will be delightful! Quite tip top or may I perish, ha.

Heart. Why really, Madam, I can't think of any Title better at present than the New Play Criticized, or the Plague of Envy.

Foot. Sir Charles Stanza and another Gentleman are come to wait on your Ladyship.

Lady. Come Gentlemen, let us go and tell Sir Charles and the Author of our Design; so if you please, Mr. Canker, you may go along with us and be by at the Planning of our little Piece—No, I know his Envy won't suffer him to hear us compliment the Author. That would be out of Character, so we will leave him to consider of an Epilogue for our Farce.

Hissed, catcalled, and exploded to a man

By those who cannot write, and those who can,

How shall a recreant bard in nature's spight

Save one poor piece, and live a second night?

What—shall he try the arts of low grimace,

Rant like old Bayes, and with a begging face

Implore the patient monarchs of the Pit

To let dull farce pass off for sterling Wit?

No faith—his brother critics most he fears,

And wisely waves the privilege of Peers—

Nor disapproves he less the threadbare plea

Of wit in rags, and learned Poverty—

If, like a son of those bright nymphs, the Nine

He e'er pr[o]fer a prayer at Phoebus' shrine,

Ask him to dart one genial beam on Earth

To hatch the Nothing of his Brain to birth,

That prayer or never comes, or comes too late;

The Nine still hold him illegitimate.—

In this Distress where next his application?

Where, but to thee thou darling Goddess, Fashion!

Fashion, the reigning Genius of today

Whose verdict speaks the fate of each new play,

Whose mandate gives the power to save or kill,

Lends Amoret her eyes and Ward his pill;

If Fashion, mighty arbiter of merit,

Allows it, right or wrong, some wit and spirit,

Then shall this farce like other farces too

Run eighteen nights or more and still be new;

Each different night, a different audience meet,

And Hawkers cry it up in evr'y Street.

[1] Larpent ms 58 is dated April, 1746, in another hand and bears the following note to the Licenser: "April 15th, 1746. Sir, I have given Mrs. Macklin leave to act this farce for her Benefit provided it meets with the Approbation of my Lord Chamberlain. Your humble Servant. J. Lacy."

[2] Smart is addressed as Dick in this speech in the ms. Three speeches later Rattle is addressed as Jack. Elsewhere in the ms. it is Jack Smart and Dick Rattle.

[3] The following line, "You may feel it if you please." is crossed out in the ms.

[4] The following phrase, "and most liable to be hurt" is crossed out in the ms.

[5] Larpent ms 64 is dated "March 17th, 1746/7" and bears the following note to the Licenser: "Sir—I have given Mr. Macklin leave to perform this Piece at His Benefit at my Theatre, provided it meets with the Approbation of my Lord Chamberlain, from your most obedient Humble Servant, J. Lacy."

[6] A "Prologue to the Plague of Envy" addressed in another hand to "Mr. Macklin in Bow Street, Covent Garden," is included with Larpent ms. 64. The Prologue is preceded by the following note: "The following is taken from the Title of the Farce; the Writer for the Subject on the Stage; and hopes his Ignorance of the Manner in which you treat it, will excuse any Want of Approbation that may be in it."

[8] The Epilogue, in a different hand than that of the play's scribe, appears similar to the handwriting of the Prologue. Cf. n.6

[9] Larpent ms 96 is dated 1752 and bears the following note to the Licenser: "Sir, This piece called Covent Garden Theatre or Pasquin turned Drawcansir Mr. Macklin designs to have performed at his Benefit Night with the permission of his Grace the Duke of Grafton. I am Sir your humble Servant, Jno. C. Rich. To William Chetwyne Esq."

[10] This character, spelled "Romp" in the ms, is probably meant to be the Prompter who does not appear in the Dramatis Personae but speaks twice offstage in this act.

[11] Although Hic and Haec Scriblerus appear in the Dramatis Personae, this is his only speech and his entrance on stage is never indicated.

18. Anonymous, "Of Genius," in The Occasional Paper, Vol. III, No. 10 (1719), and Aaron Hill, Preface to The Creation (1720).

22. Samuel Johnson, The Vanity of Human Wishes (1749), and two Rambler papers (1750).

31. Thomas Gray, An Elegy Wrote in a Country Churchyard (1751), and The Eton College Manuscript.

114. Two Poems Against Pope: Leonard Welsted, One Epistle to Mr. A. Pope (1730), and Anonymous, The Blatant Beast (1742).

123. Edmond Malone, Cursory Observations on the Poems Attributed to Mr. Thomas Rowley (1782).

125. Anonymous, The Scribleriad (1742). Lord Hervey, The Difference Between Verbal and Practical Virtue (1742).

126. Le Lutrin: an Heroick Poem, Written Originally in French by Monsieur Boileau: Made English by N. O. (1682).

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127-128. Charles Macklin, A Will and No Will, or a Bone for the Lawyers (1746). The New Play Criticiz'd, or The Plague of Envy (1747). Introduction by Jean B. Kern.

129. Lawrence Echard, Prefaces to Terence's Comedies (1694) and Plautus's Comedies (1694). Introduction by John Barnard.

130. Henry More, Democritus Platonissans (1646). Introduction by P. G. Stanwood.

131. John Evelyn, The History of … Sabatai Sevi … The Suppos'd Messiah of the Jews (1669). Introduction by Christopher W. Grose.

132. Walter Harte, An Essay on Satire, Particularly on the Dunciad (1730). Introduction by Thomas B. Gilmore.

Next in the series of special publications by the Society will be a volume including Elkanah Settle's The Empress of Morocco (1673) with six plates; Notes and Observations on the Empress of Morocco (1674) by John Dryden, John Crowne and Thomas Shadwell; Notes and Observations on the Empress of Morocco Revised (1674) by Elkanah Settle; and The Empress of Morocco. A Farce (1674) by Thomas Duffet, with an Introduction by Maximillian E. Novak. Already published in this series are reprints of John Ogilby's The Fables of Aesop Paraphras'd in Verse (1668), with an Introduction by Earl Miner and John Gay's Fables (1727, 1738), with an Introduction by Vinton A. Dearing. Publication is assisted by funds from the Chancellor of the University of California, Los Angeles. Price to members of the Society, $2.50 for the first copy and $3.25 for additional copies. Price to non-members, $4.00.

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