ACT V.
Scene I. The Grecian camp. Before Achilles' tent.[2120]
Enter Achilles and Patroclus.
Achil. I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night,[2121]
Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow.[2122]
Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
Patr. Here comes Thersites.
Enter Thersites.
Achil. How now, thou core of envy![2123]
Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news?[2124] 5
Ther. Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol[2125]
of idiot-worshippers, here's a letter for thee.
Achil. From whence, fragment?
Ther. Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
Patr. Who keeps the tent now? 10
Ther. The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.
Patr. Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks?[2126]
Ther. Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk:[2127]
thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.[2128][2129]
Patr. Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?[2129] 15
Ther. Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases[2130]
of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads[2131]
o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten[2132][2133]
livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume,[2133][2134]
sciaticas, limekilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the[2133][2135] 20
rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such[2133]
preposterous discoveries![2136]
Patr. Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou, what
mean'st thou to curse thus?[2137]
Ther. Do I curse thee? 25
Patr. Why, no, you ruinous butt; you whoreson indistinguishable[2138]
cur, no.[2139]
Ther. No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
immaterial skein of sleave silk, thou green sarcenet flap for[2140]
a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's purse, thou? Ah,[2141] 30
how the poor world is pestered with such waterflies, diminutives
of nature!
Ther. Finch-egg!
Achil. My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite[2143] 35
From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.
Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,
A token from her daughter, my fair love,
Both taxing me and gaging me to keep
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it: 40
Fall Greeks; fail fame; honour or go or stay;[2144]
My major vow lies here, this I'll obey.
Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent:
This night in banqueting must all be spent.[2145]
Away, Patroclus! [Exeunt Achilles and Patroclus.[2145][2146] 45
Ther. With too much blood and too little brain, these
two may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too little
blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon,
an honest fellow enough and one that loves quails;[2147]
but he has not so much brain as ear-wax: and the goodly[2148] 50
transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull, the[2149]
primitive statue and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty[2150]
shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's leg,—to[2151]
what form but that he is, should wit larded with malice and[2152]
malice forced with wit turn him to? To an ass, were nothing;[2153] 55
he is both ass and ox: to an ox, were nothing; he is[2154]
both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a[2154][2155]
toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe,[2156]
I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I would conspire[2157]
against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were[2158] 60
not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I
were not Menelaus. Hoy-day! spirits and fires!
Enter Hector, Troilus, Ajax, Agamemnon, Ulysses, Nestor,
Menelaus, and Diomedes, with lights.[2159]
Agam. We go wrong, we go wrong.[2160]
Ajax. No, yonder 'tis;[2161]
There, where we see the lights.[2162]
Ajax. No, not a whit.
Re-enter Achilles.[2163]
Ulyss. Here comes himself to guide you. 65
Achil. Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes all.
Agam. So now, fair Prince of Troy, I bid good night.[2164]
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.[2165]
Hect. Thanks and good night to the Greeks' general.[2166]
Men. Good night, my lord.
Hect. Good night, sweet Lord Menelaus.[2167] 70
Ther. Sweet draught: sweet, quoth a'! sweet sink, sweet[2168]
sewer.[2169]
Agam. Goodnight. [Exeunt Agamemnon and Menelaus.[2173]75
Achil. Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed,[2174]
Keep Hector company an hour or two.
Dio. I cannot, lord; I have important business,
The tide whereof is now. Good night, great Hector.
Hect. Give me your hand. 80
Tro. Sweet sir, you honour me.
Hect. And so, good night.
[Exit Diomedes; Ulysses and Troilus following.[2178]
Achil. Come, come, enter my tent.
[Exeunt Achilles, Hector, Ajax, and Nestor.[2179]
Ther. That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most 85
unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers than
I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend his mouth
and promise, like Brabbler the hound; but when he performs,
astronomers foretell it; it is prodigious, there will[2180]
come some change; the sun borrows of the moon when[2181] 90
Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see Hector
than not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan drab
and uses the traitor Calchas' tent: I'll after. Nothing but[2182]
lechery! all incontinent varlets! [Exit.[2183]
Scene II. The same. Before Calchas' tent.
Enter Diomedes.[2184]
Dio. What, are you up here, ho? speak.[2185]
Cal. [Within] Who calls?[2186]
Dio. Diomed. Calchas, I think. Where's your daughter?[2187]
Cal. [Within] She comes to you.[2186]
Enter Troilus and Ulysses, at a distance; after them, Thersites.[2188]
Ulyss. Stand where the torch may not discover us. 5
Enter Cressida.[2189]
Tro. Cressid comes forth to him.[2190]
Dio. How now, my charge!
Cres. Now, my sweet guardian! Hark, a word with you. [Whispers.[2191]
Tro. Yea, so familiar!
Ulyss. She will sing any man at first sight.[2192]
Ther. And any man may sing her, if he can take her[2193] 10
cliff; she's noted.[2193]
Dio. Nay, but do, then;[2196]
And let your mind be coupled with your words.[2197] 15
Tro. What should she remember?[2198]
Ulyss. List.
Cres. Sweet honey Greek, tempt me no more to folly.
Ther. Roguery!
Dio. Nay, then,— 20
Cres. I'll tell you what,—
Dio. Foh, foh! come, tell a pin: you are forsworn.[2199]
Cres. In faith, I cannot: what would you have me do?[2200]
Ther. A juggling trick,—to be secretly open.
Dio. What did you swear you would bestow on me? 25
Cres. I prithee, do not hold me to mine oath;
Bid me do any thing but that, sweet Greek.[2201]
Dio. Good night.
Ulyss. How now, Trojan! 30
Cres. Diomed,—
Dio. No, no, good night: I'll be your fool no more.
Tro. Thy better must.
Cres. Hark, one word in your ear.[2203]
Tro. O plague and madness! 35
Ulyss. You are moved, prince; let us depart, I pray you,[2204]
Lest your displeasure should enlarge itself
To wrathful terms: this place is dangerous;
The time right deadly; I beseech you, go.
Tro. Behold, I pray you!
Ulyss. Nay, good my lord, go off:[2205] 40
You flow to great distraction; come, my lord.[2206]
Ulyss. You have not patience; come.
Tro. I pray you, stay; by hell and all hell's torments,[2208]
I will not speak a word.[2209]
Dio. And so, good night.
Cres. Nay, but you part in anger.
Tro. Doth that grieve thee?[2210] 45
O wither'd truth![2210]
Ulyss. Why, how now, lord![2211]
Cres. Guardian!—why, Greek!
Dio. Foh, foh! adieu; you palter.[2213]
Cres. In faith, I do not: come hither once again.
Ulyss. You shake, my lord, at something: will you go?[2214] 50
You will break out.[2214]
Tro. She strokes his cheek!
Ulyss. Come, come.
Tro. Nay, stay; by Jove, I will not speak a word:
There is between my will and all offences
A guard of patience: stay a little while.
Ther. How the devil luxury, with his fat rump and 55
potato-finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry![2215]
Dio. But will you, then?[2216]
Cres. In faith, I will, la; never trust me else.[2217]
Dio. Give me some token for the surety of it.
Cres. I'll fetch you one. [Exit 60
Ulyss. You have sworn patience.
Tro. Fear me not, sweet lord;[2218]
I will not be myself, nor have cognition
Of what I feel: I am all patience.
Re-enter Cressida.[2219]
Ther. Now the pledge; now, now, now![2220]
Cres. Here, Diomed, keep this sleeve. 65
Tro. O beauty! where is thy faith?
Ulyss. My lord,—
Tro. I will be patient; outwardly I will.[2221]
Cres. You look upon that sleeve; behold it well.[2222]
He loved me—O false wench!—Give't me again.
Dio. Whose was't? 70
Cres. It is no matter, now I have't again.[2223]
I will not meet with you to-morrow night:
I prithee, Diomed, visit me no more.
Ther. Now she sharpens: well said, whetstone!
Cres. What, this?
Dio. Ay, that. 75
Cres. O, all you gods! O pretty, pretty pledge!
Thy master now lies thinking in his bed[2225]
Of thee and me, and sighs, and takes my glove,
And gives memorial dainty kisses to it,[2226]
As I kiss thee. Nay, do not snatch it from me;[2226][2227] 80
He that takes that doth take my heart withal.[2228]
Dio. I had your heart before; this follows it.
Tro. I did swear patience.
Cres. You shall not have it, Diomed; faith, you shall not;[2229]
I'll give you something else. 85
Dio. I will have this: whose was it?
Dio. Come, tell me whose it was.
Cres. 'Twas one's that loved me better than you will.[2231]
But, now you have it, take it.
Cres. By all Diana's waiting-women yond,[2233] 90
And by herself, I will not tell you whose.
Dio. To-morrow will I wear it on my helm,
And grieve his spirit that dares not challenge it.
Tro. Wert thou the devil, and worest it on thy horn,
It should be challenged. 95
Cres. Well, well, 'tis done, 'tis past; and yet it is not;
I will not keep my word.
Dio. Why then, farewell;[2234]
Thou never shalt mock Diomed again.[2234]
Cres. You shall not go: one cannot speak a word,[2234][2235]
But it straight starts you.[2234]
Dio. I do not like this fooling.[2234] 100
Dio. What, shall I come? the hour?
Cres. Ay, come: O Jove! do come: I shall be plagued.
Cres. Good night: I prithee, come.
[Exit Diomedes.[2238]
Troilus, farewell! one eye yet looks on thee, 105
But with my heart the other eye doth see.[2239]
Ah, poor our sex! this fault in us I find,
The error of our eye directs our mind:
What error leads must err; O, then conclude
Minds sway'd by eyes are full of turpitude. [Exit. 110
Ther. A proof of strength she could not publish more,[2240]
Unless she said 'My mind is now turn'd whore.'[2241]
Ulyss. All's done, my lord.
Tro. It is.
Ulyss. Why stay we then?
Tro. To make a recordation to my soul
Of every syllable that here was spoke. 115
But if I tell how these two did co-act,[2242]
Shall I not lie in publishing a truth?
Sith yet there is a credence in my heart,
An esperance so obstinately strong,
That doth invert the attest of eyes and ears;[2243] 120
As if those organs had deceptious functions,[2244]
Created only to calumniate.[2245]
Was Cressid here?[2245]
Ulyss. I cannot conjure, Trojan.
Tro. She was not, sure.
Ulyss. Most sure she was.[2246]
Tro. Why, my negation hath no taste of madness.[2247] 125
Ulyss. Nor mine, my lord: Cressid was here but now.
Tro. Let it not be believed for womanhood!
Think, we had mothers; do not give advantage
To stubborn critics, apt without a theme
For depravation, to square the general sex[2248] 130
By Cressid's rule: rather think this not Cressid.
Ulyss. What hath she done, prince, that can soil our mothers?[2249]
Tro. Nothing at all, unless that this were she.
Ther. Will a'swagger himself out on's own eyes?[2250]
Tro. This she? no, this is Diomed's Cressida:[2251] 135
If beauty have a soul, this is not she;
If souls guide vows, if vows be sanctimonies,[2252]
If sanctimony be the gods' delight,
If there be rule in unity itself,[2253]
This is not she. O madness of discourse,[2254] 140
That cause sets up with and against itself![2255]
Bi-fold authority! where reason can revolt[2256][2257]
Without perdition, and loss assume all reason[2257][2258]
Without revolt: this is, and is not, Cressid!
Within my soul there doth conduce a fight[2259] 145
Of this strange nature, that a thing inseparate
Divides more wider than the sky and earth;[2260]
And yet the spacious breadth of this division
Admits no orifex for a point as subtle[2261][2262]
As Ariachne's broken woof to enter.[2261][2263] 150
Instance, O instance! strong as Pluto's gates;
Cressid is mine, tied with the bonds of heaven:
Instance, O instance! strong as heaven itself;
The bonds of heaven are slipp'd, dissolved and loosed;
And with another knot, five-finger-tied,[2264] 155
The fractions of her faith, orts of her love,
The fragments, scraps, the bits and greasy relics
Of her o'er-eaten faith, are bound to Diomed.[2265]
Ulyss. May worthy Troilus be half attach'd[2266]
With that which here his passion doth express? 160
Tro. Ay, Greek; and that shall be divulged well
In characters as red as Mars his heart
Inflamed with Venus: never did young man fancy[2267]
With so eternal and so fix'd a soul.
Hark, Greek: as much as I do Cressid love,[2268] 165
So much by weight hate I her Diomed:
That sleeve is mine that he'll bear on his helm:[2269]
Were it a casque composed by Vulcan's skill,
My sword should bite it: not the dreadful spout
Which shipmen do the hurricano call, 170
Constringed in mass by the almighty sun,[2270]
Shall dizzy with more clamour Neptune's ear[2271]
In his descent, than shall my prompted sword[2271]
Falling on Diomed.[2271]
Ther. He'll tickle it for his concupy.[2272] 175
Tro. O Cressid! O false Cressid! false, false, false!
Let all untruths stand by thy stained name,
And they'll seem glorious.
Ulyss. O, contain yourself;
Your passion draws ears hither.
Enter Æneas.