Enter Maria and Clown.
Mar. Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard;
make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate: do it
quickly; I'll call Sir Toby the whilst. [Exit.
Clo. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself
5
in 't; and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in
such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the function
well, nor lean enough to be thought a good student; but
to be said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as
fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar. The
10
competitors enter.
Enter Sir Toby and Maria.
Sir To. Jove bless thee, master Parson.
Clo. Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for, as the old hermit of
Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a
niece of King Gorboduc, 'That that is is;' so I, being master
15
Parson, am master Parson; for, what is 'that' but 'that,'
and 'is' but 'is'?
Sir To. To him, Sir Topas.
Clo. What, ho, I say! peace in this prison!
Sir To. The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.
20
Mal. [within] Who calls there?
Clo. Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
the lunatic.
Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my
lady.
25
Clo. Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this
man! talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
Sir To. Well said, master Parson.
Mal. Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good
Sir Topas, do not think I am mad: they have laid me here
30
in hideous darkness.
Clo. Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones that will
use the devil himself with courtesy: sayest thou that house
is dark?
35
Mal. As hell, Sir Topas.
Clo. Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
and the clearstores toward the south north are as lustrous
as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction?
Mal. I am not mad, Sir Topas: I say to you, this
40
house is dark.
Clo. Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness
but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the
Egyptians in their fog.
Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though
45
ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never
man thus abused. I am no more mad than you are: make
the trial of it in any constant question.
Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning
wild fowl?
50
Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit
a bird.
Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion?
Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve
his opinion.
55
Clo. Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness:
thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of
thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess
the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas!
60
Sir To. My most exquisite Sir Topas!
Clo. Nay, I am for all waters.
Mar. Thou mightst have done this without thy beard
and gown: he sees thee not.
Sir To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word
65
how thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this
knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he
were; for I am now so far in offence with my niece, that I
cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come
by and by to my chamber. [Exeunt Sir Toby and Maria.
70
Clo. [Singing] Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
Tell me how thy lady does.
Mal. Fool,——
Clo. My lady is unkind, perdy.
Mal. Fool,——
75
Clo. Alas, why is she so?
Mal. Fool, I say,——
Clo. She loves another—Who calls, ha?
Mal. Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my
hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink and paper: as I
80
am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for't.
Clo. Master Malvolio?
Mal. Ay, good fool.
Clo. Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
Mal. Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused:
85
I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.
Clo. But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be
no better in your wits than a fool.
Mal. They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness,
send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to
90
face me out of my wits.
Clo. Advise you what you say; the minister is here.
Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! endeavour
thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble.
Mal. Sir Topas,——
95
Clo. Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who,
I, sir? not I, sir. God be wi' you, good Sir Topas. Marry,
amen. I will, sir, I will.
Mal. Fool, fool, fool, I say,——
Clo. Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am
100
shent for speaking to you.
Mal. Good fool, help me to some light and some
paper: I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in
Illyria.
Clo. Well-a-day that you were, sir!
105
Mal. By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper
and light; and convey what I will set down to my lady: it
shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter
did.
Clo. I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you
110
not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?
Mal. Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.
Clo. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his
brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.
Mal. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I
115
prithee, be gone.
Clo. [Singing] I am gone, sir,
And anon, sir,
I'll be with you again,
In a trice,
120
Like to the old vice,
Your need to sustain;
Who, with dagger of lath,
In his rage and his wrath,
Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:
125
Like a mad lad,
Pare thy nails, dad;
Adieu, goodman Drivel. [Exit.

LINENOTES:

Scene ii.] Scene iii. Pope.

Olivia's house.] Rowe.

[3] [Exit.] Exit M. Theobald.

[6] tall] fat Reed (1803) (Farmer conj.). pale Tyrwhitt conj. of taille Becket conj.

[7] student] studient F1.

[9] careful] graceful Hanmer (Warburton).

[10] Enter Sir T. and M.] Theobald. Enter Toby. Ff.

[11] Jove] God Edd. conj.

[11, 14, 

15, 27] master] M. Ff and passim.

[13] Prague] Rowe. Prage F1 F2 F3. Prauge F4.

[14] Gorboduc] Gorboduck Pope. Gorbodacke F1 F2 F4. Gorbodack F3.

[18] [rapping at an inner door. Capell.

[20] Mal. [within] Malvolio within (as a stage direction) Mal. Ff.

[26] nothing but of] of nothing but Anon. conj.

[33] that] this Rann. the or that the Anon. conj.

[37] clearstores] cleere stores F1. cleare stones F2. clear stones F3 F4. clear stories Boswell (Blakeway conj.).

[49] wild fowl] the soul Theobald conj.

[50] haply] Capell. happily Ff.

[58] soul] soule F1. house F2 F3 F4.

[61] waters] wanters or ventures Anon. conj.

[65] well] F1. all F2 F3 F4. all well Collier MS.

[68] to the upshot] Rowe. the upshot Ff.

[69] chamber] champer F2.

[Exeunt....] Exit with Maria. Theobald. Exit Ff.

[70] Scene iv. Pope.

[Singing] Rowe.

[70, 71] Hey ... does.] Hey, jolly Robin, tell to me, How does thy lady do? Farmer conj.

[71] thy] my Rowe (ed. 2).

[83] besides] beside Capell conj.

[86] you are] thou art Rowe (ed. 2).

[88] have here] have Pope.

[96] be wi' you] buy you Ff. b' w' you Pope.

[97] sir, I will] F1. sir, I will sir F2 F3 F4.

[109, 110] are you not] are you Johnson conj.

[110] or] and Malone conj.

[116-127] Arranged as in Capell. As eight lines in Ff.

[116] [Singing] Rowe. on. Ff.

[119, 120] In a trice, Like to the] With a trice, Like the Collier MS. With a trice, Like to the Collier (ed. 2).

[126] dad;] dad, Ff. dad? Farmer conj.

[127] goodman Drivel] Rowe (ed. 2). good man diuell F1. good man Direll F2. good man Devil F3 F4. goodman Mean-evil Johnson conj. good Mean-evil Mason conj. goodman Civil, or good man, be civil Anon. conj.

Scene III. Olivia's garden.

Enter Sebastian.
Seb. This is the air; that is the glorious sun;
This pearl she gave me, I do feel't and see't;
And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus,
Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio, then?
5
I could not find him at the Elephant:
Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,
That he did range the town to seek me out.
His counsel now might do me golden service;
For though my soul disputes well with my sense,
10
That this may be some error, but no madness,
Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune
So far exceed all instance, all discourse,
That I am ready to distrust mine eyes
And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me
15
To any other trust but that I am mad,
Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so,
She could not sway her house, command her followers,
Take and give back affairs and their dispatch
With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing
20
As I perceive she does: there's something in't
That is deceivable. But here the lady comes.
Enter Olivia and Priest.
Oli. Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well,
Now go with me and with this holy man
Into the chantry by: there, before him,
25
And underneath that consecrated roof,
Plight me the full assurance of your faith;
That my most jealous and too doubtful soul
May live at peace. He shall conceal it
Whiles you are willing it shall come to note,
30
What time we will our celebration keep
According to my birth. What do you say?
Seb. I'll follow this good man, and go with you;
And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.
Oliv. Then lead the way, good father; and heavens so shine,
35
That they may fairly note this act of mine! [Exeunt.

LINENOTES:

Scene III.] Scene V. Pope.

Olivia's garden.] Capell. Another apartment in O.'s house. Theobald.

[6] this credit] in credit Becket conj. this credit [He takes a letter from his pocket] Jackson conj.

credit] F3 F4. credite F1 F2. credent Theobald conj. current Hanmer. credited Mason conj.

[15] I am] I'm Pope.

[18] affairs and their dispatch] and thus dispatch affairs Collier (Collier MS.).

[21] the lady comes] she comes Pope. comes the lady Steevens.

[27] jealous] iealious F1.

[28] live] henceforth live Hanmer.

[29] Whiles] While Grant White.

[34] and heavens] F1 F2. and heaven F3 F4. heav'ns Pope.

[35] [Exeunt.] Exeunt. Finis Actus Quartus. F1. Finis actus Quarti. F2 F3 F4.

ACT V.

Scene I. Before Olivia's house.

Enter Clown and Fabian.
Fab. Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter.
Clo. Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.
Fab. Any thing.
Clo. Do not desire to see this letter.
5
Fab. This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire
my dog again.
Enter Duke, Viola, Curio, and Lords.
Duke. Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?
Clo. Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.
Duke. I know thee well: how dost thou, my good fellow?
10
Clo. Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
for my friends.
Duke. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.
Clo. No, sir, the worse.
Duke. How can that be?
15
Clo. Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of
me; now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by
my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself; and by
my friends I am abused: so that, conclusions to be as kisses,
if your four negatives make your two affirmatives, why then,
20
the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes.
Duke. Why, this is excellent.
Clo. By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be
one of my friends.
Duke. Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.
25
Clo. But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
you could make it another.
Duke. O, you give me ill counsel.
Clo. Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
and let your flesh and blood obey it.
30
Duke. Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a double-dealer:
there's another.
Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old
saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex, sir, is a good
tripping measure; or the bells of Saint Bennet, sir, may put
35
you in mind; one, two, three.
Duke. You can fool no more money out of me at this
throw: if you will let your lady know I am here to speak
with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my
bounty further.
40
Clo. Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come again.
I go, sir; but I would not have you to think that my desire
of having is the sin of covetousness: but, as you say, sir, let
your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon. [Exit.
Vio. Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.
Enter Antonio and Officers.
45
Duke. That face of his I do remember well;
Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd
As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war:
A bawbling vessel was he captain of,
For shallow draught and bulk unprizable;
50
With which such scathful grapple did he make
With the most noble bottom of our fleet,
That very envy and the tongue of loss
Cried fame and honour on him. What's the matter?
First Off. Orsino, this is that Antonio
55
That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy;
And this is he that did the Tiger board,
When your young nephew Titus lost his leg:
Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state,
In private brabble did we apprehend him.
60
Vio. He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side;
But in conclusion put strange speech upon me:
I know not what 'twas but distraction.
Duke. Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief!
What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies,
65
Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear,
Hast made thine enemies?
Ant. Orsino, noble sir,
Be pleased that I shake off these names you give me:
Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,
Though I confess, on base and ground enough,
70
Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither:
That most ingrateful boy there by your side,
From the rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth
Did I redeem; a wreck past hope he was:
His life I gave him and did thereto add
75
My love, without retention or restraint,
All his in dedication; for his sake
Did I expose myself, pure for his love,
Into the danger of this adverse town;
Drew to defend him when he was beset:
80
Where being apprehended, his false cunning,
Not meaning to partake with me in danger,
Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance,
And grew a twenty years removed thing
While one would wink; denied me mine own purse,
85
Which I had recommended to his use
Not half an hour before.
Vio. How can this be?
Duke. When came he to this town?
Ant. Today, my lord; and for three months before,
No interim, not a minute's vacancy,
90
Both day and night did we keep company.
Enter Olivia and Attendants.
Duke. Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth.
But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness:
Three months this youth hath tended upon me;
But more of that anon. Take him aside.
95
Oli. What would my lord, but that he may not have,
Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?
Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.
Vio. Madam!
Duke. Gracious Olivia,—
100
Oli. What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,—
Vio. My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.
Oli. If it be aught to the old tune, my lord,
It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear
As howling after music.
Duke. Still so cruel?
105
Oli. Still so constant, lord.
Duke. What, to perverseness? You uncivil lady,
To whom ingrate and unauspicious altars
My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out
That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?
110
Oli. Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.
Duke. Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,
Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death,
Kill what I love?—a savage jealousy
That sometime savours nobly. But hear me this:
115
Since you to non-regardance cast my faith,
And that I partly know the instrument
That screws me from my true place in your favour,
Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still;
But this your minion, whom I know you love,
120
And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly,
Him will I tear out of that cruel eye,
Where he sits crowned in his master's spite.
Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief:
I 'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,
125
To spite a raven's heart within a dove.
Vio. And I, most jocund, apt and willingly,
To do you rest, a thousand deaths would die.
Oli. Where goes Cesario?
Vio. After him I love
More than I love these eyes, more than my life,
130
More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife.
If I do feign, you witnesses above
Punish my life for tainting of my love!
Oli. Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!
Vio. Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?
135
Oli. Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long?
Call forth the holy father.
Duke. Come, away!
Oli. Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.
Duke. Husband!
Oli. Ay, husband: can he that deny?
Duke. Her husband, sirrah!
Vio. No, my lord, not I.
140
Oli. Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear
That makes thee strangle thy propriety:
Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up;
Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art
As great as that thou fear'st.
Enter Priest.
O, welcome, father!
145
Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,
Here to unfold, though lately we intended
To keep in darkness what occasion now
Reveals before 'tis ripe, what thou dost know
Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me.
150
Priest. A contract of eternal bond of love,
Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands,
Attested by the holy close of lips,
Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings;
And all the ceremony of this compact
155
Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:
Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave
I have travell'd but two hours.
Duke. O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be
When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?
160
Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow,
That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?
Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet
Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.
Vio. My lord, I do protest—
Oli. O, do not swear!
165
Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.
Enter Sir Andrew.
Sir And. For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one
presently to Sir Toby.
Oli. What's the matter?
Sir And. He has broke my head across and has given
170
Sir Toby a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your
help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.
Oli. Who has done this, Sir Andrew?
Sir And. The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took
him for a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.
175
Duke. My gentleman, Cesario?
Sir And. 'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my
head for nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't
by Sir Toby.
Vio. Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you:
180
You drew your sword upon me without cause;
But I bespake you fair, and hurt you not.
Sir And. If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have
hurt me: I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.
Enter Sir Toby and Clown.
Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more: but if
185
he had not been in drink, he would have tickled you othergates
than he did.
Duke. How now, gentleman! how is't with you?
Sir To. That's all one: has hurt me, and there's the
end on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?
190
Clo. O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
were set at eight i' the morning.
Sir To. Then he's a rogue, and a passy measures panyn:
I hate a drunken rogue.
Oli. Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with
195
them?
Sir And. I'll help you, Sir Toby, because we'll be
dressed together.
Sir To. Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb
and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!
200
Oli. Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to.
[Exeunt Clown, Fabian, Sir Toby, and Sir Andrew.
Enter Sebastian.
Seb. I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman;
But, had it been the brother of my blood,
I must have done no less with wit and safety.
You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that
205
I do perceive it hath offended you:
Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
We made each other but so late ago.
Duke. One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,
A natural perspective, that is and is not!
210
Seb. Antonio, O my dear Antonio!
How have the hours rack'd and tortured me,
Since I have lost thee!
Ant. Sebastian are you?
Seb. Fear'st thou that, Antonio?
Ant. How have you made division of yourself?
215
An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin
Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?
Oli. Most wonderful!
Seb. Do I stand there? I never had a brother;
Nor can there be that deity in my nature,
220
Of here and every where. I had a sister,
Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd.
Of charity, what kin are you to me?
What countryman? what name? what parentage?
Vio. Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father;
225
Such a Sebastian was my brother too,
So went he suited to his watery tomb:
If spirits can assume both form and suit
You come to fright us.
Seb. A spirit I am indeed;
But am in that dimension grossly clad
230
Which from the womb I did participate.
Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,
I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,
And say 'Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!'
Vio. My father had a mole upon his brow.
235
Seb. And so had mine.
Vio. And died that day when Viola from her birth
Had number'd thirteen years.
Seb. O, that record is lively in my soul!
He finished indeed his mortal act
240
That day that made my sister thirteen years.
Vio. If nothing lets to make us happy both
But this my masculine usurp'd attire,
Do not embrace me till each circumstance
Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump
245
That I am Viola: which to confirm,
I'll bring you to a captain in this town,
Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help
I was preserved to serve this noble count.
All the occurrence of my fortune since
250
Hath been between this lady and this lord.
Seb. [To Olivia] So comes it, lady, you have been mistook:
But nature to her bias drew in that.
You would have been contracted to a maid;
Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,
255
You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.
Duke. Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.
If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,
I shall have share in this most happy wreck.
[To Viola] Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
260
Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.
Vio. And all those sayings will I over-swear;
And all those swearings keep as true in soul
As doth that orbed continent the fire
That severs day from night.
Duke. Give me thy hand;
265
And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.
Vio. The captain that did bring me first on shore
Hath my maid's garments: he upon some action
Is now in durance, at Malvolio's suit,
A gentleman, and follower of my lady's.
270
Oli. He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:
And yet, alas, now I remember me,
They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.
Re-enter Clown with a letter, and Fabian.
A most extracting frenzy of mine own
From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.
275
How does he, sirrah?
Clo. Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the stave's
end as well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a
letter to you; I should have given 't you to-day morning,
but as a madman's epistles are no gospels, so it skills not
280
much when they are delivered.
Oli. Open 't, and read it.
Clo. Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers
the madman. [Reads] By the Lord, madam,—
Oli. How now! art thou mad?
285
Clo. No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship
will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.
Oli. Prithee, read i' thy right wits.
Clo. So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to
read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.
290
Oli. Read it you, sirrah. [To Fabian.
Fab. [Reads] By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and
the world shall know it: though you have put me into darkness and
given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my
senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced
295
me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do
myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please.
I leave my duty a little unthought of and speak out of my injury.
The madly-used Malvolio.
Oli. Did he write this?
300
Clo. Ay, madam.
Duke. This savours not much of distraction.
Oli. See him deliver'd, Fabian; bring him hither. [Exit Fabian.
My lord, so please you, these things further thought on,
To think me as well a sister as a wife,
305
One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you,
Here at my house and at my proper cost.
Duke. Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.
[To Viola] Your master quits you; and for your service done him,
So much against the mettle of your sex,
310
So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,
And since you call'd me master for so long,
Here is my hand: you shall from this time be
Your master's mistress.
Oli. A sister! you are she.
Re-enter Fabian, with Malvolio.
Duke. Is this the madman?
Oli. Ay, my lord, this same.
How now, Malvolio!
315
Mal. Madam, you have done me wrong,
Notorious wrong.
Oli. Have I, Malvolio? no.
Mal. Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.
You must not now deny it is your hand:
Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;
320
Or say 'tis not your seal, not your invention:
You can say none of this: well, grant it then
And tell me, in the modesty of honour,
Why you have given me such clear lights of favour,
Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you,
325
To put on yellow stockings and to frown
Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;
And, acting this in an obedient hope,
Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,
Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,
330
And made the most notorious geek and gull
That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why.
Oli. Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
Though, I confess, much like the character:
But out of question 'tis Maria's hand.
335
And now I do bethink me, it was she
First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling,
And in such forms which here were presupposed
Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:
This practice hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee;
340
But when we know the grounds and authors of it,
Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge
Of thine own cause.
Fab. Good madam, hear me speak,
And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come
Taint the condition of this present hour,
345
Which I have wonder'd at. In hope it shall not,
Most freely I confess, myself and Toby
Set this device against Malvolio here,
Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts
We had conceived against him: Maria writ
350
The letter at Sir Toby's great importance;
In recompense whereof he hath married her.
How with a sportful malice it was follow'd,
May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;
If that the injuries be justly weigh'd
355
That have on both sides pass'd.
Oli. Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!
Clo. Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was
one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but that's all
360
one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.' But do you remember?
'Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal?
an you smile not, he's gagged:' and thus the whirligig of
time brings in his revenges.
Mal. I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you. [Exit.
365
Oli. He hath been most notoriously abused.
Duke. Pursue him, and entreat him to a peace:
He hath not told us of the captain yet:
When that is known, and golden time convents,
A solemn combination shall be made
370
Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,
We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;
For so you shall be, while you are a man;
But when in other habits you are seen,
Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen. [Exeunt all, except Clown.
Clo. [Sings]
375
When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came to man's estate,
380
With hey, ho, &c.
'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
For the rain, &c.
But when I came, alas! to wive,
With hey, ho, &c.
385
By swaggering could I never thrive,
For the rain, &c.
But when I came unto my beds,
With hey, ho, &c.
With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
390
For the rain, &c.
A great while ago the world begun,
With hey, ho, &c.
But that's all one, our play is done,
And we'll strive to please you every day. [Exit.