Gru. Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters,
man so
rayed? was ever man so weary? I am sent before
to make a fire, and they are coming after to warm them.
5
Now, were not I a little pot, and soon hot, my very lips
might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my
mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a fire
to thaw me: but I, with blowing the fire, shall warm myself;
for, considering the weather, a taller man than I will
10
take cold. Holla, ho! Curtis!
Curt. Who
is that calls so coldly?
Gru. A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide
from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run but my
head and my neck. A fire, good Curtis.
15
Curt. Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
Gru. O, ay,
Curtis, ay: and therefore fire, fire; cast on
no water.
Curt. Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?
Gru. She was, good Curtis, before
this frost: but, thou
20
knowest, winter tames man, woman, and beast; for it hath
tamed my old master, and my new mistress, and
myself,fellow Curtis.
Gru. Am I but three inches? why,
thy horn is a foot;
25
and so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a fire,
or shall I complain on thee to our mistress, whose hand,
she being now at hand, thou shalt soon feel, to thy cold
comfort, for being slow in thy hot office?
30
Curt. I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?
Gru. A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine;
and therefore fire: do thy duty, and have thy duty; for
my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.
Curt. There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio,
35
the news.
Gru. Why, 'Jack, boy! ho! boy!' and as much news
Curt. Come, you are so full of cony-catching!
Gru. Why, therefore fire; for I have caught extreme
40
cold. Where's the cook? is supper ready, the house trimmed,
rushes strewed, cobwebs swept; the serving-men in
their new fustian,
their white stockings, and every officer
his wedding-garment on? Be the jacks fair
within, the jills
fair without,
the carpets laid, and every thing in order?
45
Curt. All ready; and therefore, I pray thee,
news.
Gru. First, know, my horse is tired; my master and
mistress fallen out.
Gru. Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby
50
hangs a tale.
Curt. Let's ha't, good Grumio.
55
Curt. This
is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
Gru. And therefore 'tis called a sensible tale: and this
cuff was but to knock at your ear, and beseech listening.
Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a foul hill, my master
riding behind my mistress,—
Gru. What's that to thee?
Gru. Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed
me, thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she
65
under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how miry a
place, how she was bemoiled, how he left her with the horse
upon her, how he beat me because her horse stumbled,
how she waded through the dirt to pluck him off me, how
he swore, how she prayed, that never prayed before, how I
70
cried, how the horses ran away, how her bridle was burst,
how I lost my crupper, with many things
of worthy memory,
which now shall die in oblivion and thou return unexperienced
Curt. By this reckoning he
is more shrew than she.
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Gru. Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all
shall find when he comes home. But what talk I of this?
and the rest: let their heads be
sleekly combed,
their blue coats brushed and their garters of an
indifferentknit: let them curtsy with their left legs and not presume
to touch a hair of my master's horse-tail till they kiss their
hands. Are they all ready?
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Curt. Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master to
countenance my mistress!
Gru. Why, she hath a face of her own.
Curt. Who knows not that?
Gru. Thou, it seems, that
calls for company to countenance
90
her.
Curt. I call them forth to credit her.
Gru. Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
Enter four or five serving-men.
Nath. Welcome home, Grumio!
Gru. Welcome, you;—how now, you;—what, you;—fellow,
you;—and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce
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companions, is all ready, and all things neat?
Nath. All things
is ready. How near is our master?
Gru. E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be
not—Cock's passion, silence! I hear my master.
Enter Petruchio and Katharina.
Pet. Where be these knaves? What, no man at
door
105
To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse!
All Serv. Here, here, sir; here, sir.
Pet. Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!
You logger-headed and unpolish'd grooms!
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Where is the foolish knave I sent before?
Gru. Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.
Pet. You
peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!
Did I not bid thee meet me in the park,
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And bring along
these rascal knaves with thee?
Gru. Nathaniel's coat, sir, was not fully made,
And Gabriel's pumps were all unpink'd i' the heel;
There was no link to colour Peter's hat,
And Walter's dagger was not come from sheathing:
120
There were none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;
The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;
Yet, as they are,
here are they come to meet you.
125
Where are
those—Sit down, Kate, and welcome.—
Re-enter Servants with supper.
Why, when, I say? Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.
It was the friar of orders grey,
130
As he forth walked on his way:—
Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry:
Be merry, Kate. Some water, here; what, ho!
Where's
my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence,
And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:
One, Kate, that you must kiss, and be acquainted with.
Where are my slippers? Shall I have some
water?
Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.
You whoreson villain! will you let it fall? [Strikes him.
140
Kath. Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling.
Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.
Will you give thanks, sweet Kate; or else shall I?
145
Pet. 'Tis burnt; and so is
all the meat.
What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook?
How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,
And serve it thus to me that love it not?
There, take it to you, trenchers, cups, and all:
[Throws the meat, &c. about the stage.
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You heedless joltheads and unmanner'd slaves!
What, do you grumble? I'll be with you straight.
Kath. I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet:
The meat was well, if you were so contented.
Pet. I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away;
155
And I expressly am forbid to touch it,
For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
And better 'twere that both of us did fast,
Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,
Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
160
And, for this night, we'll fast for company:
Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.
[Exeunt.
Re-enter Servants severally.
Nath. Peter, didst ever see the like?
Peter. He kills her in her own humour.
Curt. In her chamber, making a sermon of continency to her;
Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,
170
And sits as one new-risen from a dream.
Away, away! for he is coming hither.
[Exeunt.
Pet. Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
And 'tis my hope to end successfully.
My falcon now is sharp and passing empty;
175
And till she stoop she must not be full-gorged,
For then she never looks upon her lure.
Another way I have to man my haggard,
To make her come and know her keeper's call,
That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
180
She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;
Last night she slept not, nor to-night
she shall not;
As with the meat, some undeserved fault
I'll find about the making of the bed;
185
And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
This way the coverlet,
another way the sheets:
That all is done in reverend care of her;
And in conclusion she shall watch all night:
190
And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawl
And with the clamour keep her still awake.
This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;
And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
195
Now let him speak: 'tis charity to show. [Exit.