T.
amongst
Occasions
A small Spa, in Northamptonshire, upon the Oxford border.
From Astrop to Bath the scale of fashion rises.
Bury Fair and Epsom Wells gave titles to two of Shadwell's
Comedies.
Contents
Contents p.6
|
Tuesday, August 28, 1711 |
Steele |
... Hæ nugæ seria ducunt
In mala ...
Hor.
I have more than once taken Notice of an indecent Licence taken in
Discourse, wherein the Conversation on one Part is involuntary, and the
Effect of some necessary Circumstance. This happens in travelling
together in the same hired Coach, sitting near each other in any publick
Assembly, or the like. I have, upon making Observations of this sort,
received innumerable Messages from that Part of the Fair Sex whose Lot
in Life is to be of any Trade or publick Way of Life. They are all to a
Woman urgent with me to lay before the World the unhappy Circumstances
they are under, from the unreasonable Liberty which is taken in their
Presence, to talk on what Subject it is thought fit by every Coxcomb who
wants Understanding or Breeding. One or two of these Complaints I shall
set down.
Mr. Spectator,
'I Keep a Coffee-house, and am one of those whom you have thought fit
to mention as an Idol some time ago. I suffered a good deal of
Raillery upon that Occasion; but shall heartily forgive you, who are
the Cause of it, if you will do me Justice in another Point. What I
ask of you, is, to acquaint my Customers (who are otherwise very good
ones) that I am unavoidably hasped in my Bar, and cannot help hearing
the improper Discourses they are pleased to entertain me with. They
strive who shall say the most immodest Things in my Hearing: At the
same time half a dozen of them loll at the Bar staring just in my
Face, ready to interpret my Looks and Gestures according to their own
Imaginations. In this passive Condition I know not where to cast my
Eyes, place my Hands, or what to employ my self in: But this Confusion
is to be a Jest, and I hear them say in the End, with an Air of Mirth
and Subtlety, Let her alone, she knows as well as we, for all she
looks so. Good Mr. Spectator, persuade Gentlemen that it is out of all
Decency: Say it is possible a Woman may be modest and yet keep a
Publick-house. Be pleased to argue, that in truth the Affront is the
more unpardonable because I am oblig'd to suffer it, and cannot fly
from it. I do assure you, Sir, the Chearfulness of Life which would
arise from the honest Gain I have, is utterly lost to me, from the
endless, flat, impertinent Pleasantries which I hear from Morning to
Night. In a Word, it is too much for me to bear, and I desire you to
acquaint them, that I will keep Pen and Ink at the Bar, and write down
all they say to me, and send it to you for the Press. It is possible
when they see how empty what they speak, without the Advantage of an
impudent Countenance and Gesture, will appear, they may come to some
Sense of themselves, and the Insults they are guilty of towards me. I
am, Sir,
Your most humble Servant,
The Idol.
This Representation is so just, that it is hard to speak of it without
an Indignation which perhaps would appear too elevated to such as can be
guilty of this inhuman Treatment, where they see they affront a modest,
plain, and ingenuous Behaviour. This Correspondent is not the only
Sufferer in this kind, for I have long Letters both from the
Royal
and
New Exchange
on the same Subject. They tell me that a young Fop cannot
buy a Pair of Gloves, but he is at the same time straining for some
Ingenious Ribaldry to say to the young Woman who helps them on. It is no
small Addition to the Calamity, that the Rogues buy as hard as the
plainest and modestest Customers they have; besides which, they loll
upon their Counters half an Hour longer than they need, to drive away
other Customers, who are to share their Impertinencies with the
Milliner, or go to another Shop. Letters from
'Change-Alley
are full
of the same Evil, and the Girls tell me except I can chase some eminent
Merchants from their Shops they shall in a short time fail. It is very
unaccountable, that Men can have so little Deference to all Mankind who
pass by them, as to bear being seen toying by two's and three's at a
time, with no other Purpose but to appear gay enough to keep up a light
Conversation of Common-place Jests, to the Injury of her whose Credit is
certainly hurt by it, tho' their own may be strong enough to bear it.
When we come to have exact Accounts of these Conversations, it is not to
be doubted but that their Discourses will raise the usual Stile of
buying and selling: Instead of the plain downright lying, and asking and
bidding so unequally to what they will really give and take, we may hope
to have from these fine Folks an Exchange of Compliments. There must
certainly be a great deal of pleasant Difference between the Commerce of
Lovers, and that of all other Dealers, who are, in a kind, Adversaries.
A sealed Bond, or a Bank-Note, would be a pretty Gallantry to convey
unseen into the Hands of one whom a Director is charmed with; otherwise
the City-Loiterers are still more unreasonable than those at the other
End of the Town: At the
New Exchange
they are eloquent for want
of Cash, but in the City they ought with Cash to supply their want of
Eloquence.
If one might be serious on this prevailing Folly, one might observe,
that it is a melancholy thing, when the World is mercenary even to the
buying and selling our very Persons, that young Women, tho' they have
never so great Attractions from Nature, are never the nearer being
happily disposed of in Marriage; I say, it is very hard under this
Necessity, it shall not be possible for them to go into a way of Trade
for their Maintenance, but their very Excellencies and personal
Perfections shall be a Disadvantage to them, and subject them to be
treated as if they stood there to sell their Persons to Prostitution.
There cannot be a more melancholy Circumstance to one who has made any
Observation in the World, than one of those erring Creatures exposed to
Bankruptcy. When that happens, none of these toying Fools will do any
more than any other Man they meet to preserve her from Infamy, Insult,
and Distemper. A Woman is naturally more helpless than the other Sex;
and a Man of Honour and Sense should have this in his View in all Manner
of Commerce with her. Were this well weighed, Inconsideration, Ribaldry,
and Nonsense, would not be more natural to entertain Women with than
Men; and it would be as much Impertinence to go into a Shop of one of
these young Women without buying, as into that of any other Trader. I
shall end this Speculation with a Letter I have received from a pretty
Milliner in the City.
Mr. Spectator,
'I have read your Account of Beauties, and was not a little surprized
to find no Character of my self in it. I do assure you I have little
else to do but to give Audience as I am such. Here are Merchants of no
small Consideration, who call in as certainly as they go to
'Change, to say something of my roguish Eye: And here is one
who makes me once or twice a Week tumble over all my Goods, and then
owns it was only a Gallantry to see me act with these pretty Hands;
then lays out three Pence in a little Ribbon for his Wrist-bands, and
thinks he is a Man of great Vivacity. There is an ugly Thing not far
off me, whose Shop is frequented only by People of Business, that is
all Day long as busy as possible. Must I that am a Beauty be treated
with for nothing but my Beauty? Be pleased to assign Rates to my kind
Glances, or make all pay who come to see me, or I shall be undone by
my Admirers for want of Customers. Albacinda, Eudosia, and all the
rest would be used just as we are, if they were in our Condition;
therefore pray consider the Distress of us the lower Order of
Beauties, and I shall be
Your obliged humble Servant.
T.
In the first issue this is numbered by mistake 156. The
wrong numbering is continued to No. 163, when two successive papers are
numbered 163; there is no 164, and then two papers are numbered 165.
After this, at 166 the numbering falls right.
Contents
Contents p.6
|
Wednesday, August 29, 1711 |
Steele |
... Sed tu simul obligasti
Perfidum votis caput, enitescis
Pulchrior multo ...
Hor.
I do not think any thing could make a pleasanter Entertainment, than the
History of the reigning Favourites among the Women from Time to Time
about this Town: In such an Account we ought to have a faithful
Confession of each Lady for what she liked such and such a Man, and he
ought to tell us by what particular Action or Dress he believed he
should be most successful. As for my part, I have always made as easy a
Judgment when a Man dresses for the Ladies, as when he is equipped for
Hunting or Coursing. The Woman's Man is a Person in his Air and
Behaviour quite different from the rest of our Species: His Garb is more
loose and negligent, his Manner more soft and indolent; that is to say,
in both these Cases there is an apparent Endeavour to appear unconcerned
and careless. In catching Birds the Fowlers have a Method of imitating
their Voices to bring them to the Snare; and your Women's Men have
always a Similitude of the Creature they hope to betray, in their own
Conversation. A Woman's Man is very knowing in all that passes from one
Family to another, has little pretty Officiousnesses, is not at a loss
what is good for a Cold, and it is not amiss if he has a Bottle of
Spirits in his Pocket in case of any sudden Indisposition.
Curiosity having been my prevailing Passion, and indeed the sole
Entertainment of my Life, I have sometimes made it my business to
examine the Course of Intreagues as well as the Manners and
Accomplishments of such as have been most successful that Way. In all my
Observation, I never knew a Man of good Understanding a general
Favourite; some Singularity in his Behaviour, some Whim in his Way of
Life, and what would have made him ridiculous among the Men, has
recommended him to the other Sex. I should be very sorry to offend a
People so fortunate as these of whom I am speaking; but let any one look
over the old Beaux, and he will find the Man of Success was remarkable
for quarrelling impertinently for their Sakes, for dressing unlike the
rest of the World, or passing his Days in an insipid Assiduity about the
Fair Sex, to gain the Figure he made amongst them. Add to this that he
must have the Reputation of being well with other Women, to please any
one Woman of Gallantry; for you are to know, that there is a mighty
Ambition among the light Part of the Sex to gain Slaves from the
Dominion of others. My Friend
Will. Honeycomb
says it was a common Bite
with him to lay Suspicions that he was favoured by a Lady's Enemy, that
is some rival Beauty, to be well with herself. A little Spite is natural
to a great Beauty: and it is ordinary to snap up a disagreeable Fellow
lest another should have him. That impudent Toad
Bareface
fares
well among all the Ladies he converses with, for no other Reason in the
World but that he has the Skill to keep them from Explanation one with
another. Did they know there is not one who likes him in her Heart, each
would declare her Scorn of him the next Moment; but he is well received
by them because it is the Fashion, and Opposition to each other brings
them insensibly into an Imitation of each other. What adds to him the
greatest Grace is, the pleasant Thief, as they call him, is the most
inconstant Creature living, has a wonderful deal of Wit and Humour, and
never wants something to say; besides all which, he has a most spiteful
dangerous Tongue if you should provoke him.
To make a Woman's Man, he must not be a Man of Sense, or a Fool; the
Business is to entertain, and it is much better to have a Faculty of
arguing, than a Capacity of judging right. But the pleasantest of all
the Womens Equipage are your regular Visitants; these are Volunteers in
their Service, without Hopes of Pay or Preferment; It is enough that
they can lead out from a publick Place, that they are admitted on a
publick Day, and can be allowed to pass away part of that heavy Load,
their Time, in the Company of the Fair. But commend me above all others
to those who are known for your Ruiners of Ladies; these are the
choicest Spirits which our Age produces. We have several of these
irresistible Gentlemen among us when the Company is in Town. These
Fellows are accomplished with the Knowledge of the ordinary Occurrences
about Court and Town, have that sort of good Breeding which is exclusive
of all Morality, and consists only in being publickly decent, privately
dissolute.
It is wonderful how far a fond Opinion of herself can carry a Woman, to
make her have the least Regard to a professed known Woman's Man: But as
scarce one of all the Women who are in the Tour of Gallantries ever
hears any thing of what is the common Sense of sober Minds, but are
entertained with a continual Round of Flatteries, they cannot be
Mistresses of themselves enough to make Arguments for their own Conduct
from the Behaviour of these Men to others. It is so far otherwise, that
a general Fame for Falshood in this kind, is a Recommendation: and the
Coxcomb, loaded with the Favours of many others, is received like a
Victor that disdains his Trophies, to be a Victim to the present
Charmer.
If you see a Man more full of Gesture than ordinary in a publick
Assembly, if loud upon no Occasion, if negligent of the Company round
him, and yet laying wait for destroying by that Negligence, you may take
it for granted that he has ruined many a Fair One. The Woman's Man
expresses himself wholly in that Motion which we call Strutting: An
elevated Chest, a pinched Hat, a measurable Step, and a sly surveying
Eye, are the Marks of him. Now and then you see a Gentleman with all
these Accomplishments; but alas, any one of them is enough to undo
Thousands: When a Gentleman with such Perfections adds to it suitable
Learning, there should be publick Warning of his Residence in Town, that
we may remove our Wives and Daughters. It happens sometimes that such a
fine Man has read all the Miscellany Poems, a few of our Comedies, and
has the Translation of
Ovid's
Epistles by Heart. Oh if it were
possible that such a one could be as true as he is charming! but that is
too much, the Women will share such a dear false Man:
'A little Gallantry to hear him Talk one would indulge one's self in,
let him reckon the Sticks of one's Fan, say something of the
Cupids in it, and then call one so many soft Names which a Man
of his Learning has at his Fingers Ends. There sure is some Excuse for
Frailty, when attacked by such a Force against a weak Woman.'
Such is the Soliloquy of many a Lady one might name, at the sight of one
of these who makes it no Iniquity to go on from Day to Day in the Sin of
Woman-Slaughter.
It is certain that People are got into a Way of Affectation, with a
manner of overlooking the most solid Virtues, and admiring the most
trivial Excellencies. The Woman is so far from expecting to be contemned
for being a very injudicious silly Animal, that while she can preserve
her Features and her Mein, she knows she is still the Object of Desire;
and there is a sort of secret Ambition, from reading frivolous Books,
and keeping as frivolous Company, each side to be amiable in
Imperfection, and
at the Characters of the Dear Deceiver and the
Perjured Fair
.
T.
To this number is appended the following advertisement.
Contents
Contents p.6
Mr.
Spectator gives his most humble Service
to
Mr. R. M. of Chippenham in
Wilts,
and hath received the Patridges.
|
Thursday, August 30, 1711 |
Steele |
... Genius natale comes qui temperat astrum
Naturæ Deus humanæ Mortalis in unum
Quodque Caput ...
Hor.
I am very much at a loss to express by any Word that occurs to me in our
Language that which is understood by
Indoles
in
Latin
. The natural
Disposition to any Particular Art, Science, Profession, or Trade, is
very much to be consulted in the Care of Youth, and studied by Men for
their own Conduct when they form to themselves any Scheme of Life. It is
wonderfully hard indeed for a Man to judge of his own Capacity
impartially; that may look great to me which may appear little to
another, and I may be carried by Fondness towards my self so far, as to
attempt Things too high for my Talents and Accomplishments: But it is
not methinks so very difficult a Matter to make a Judgment of the
Abilities of others, especially of those who are in their Infancy. My
Commonplace Book directs me on this Occasion to mention the Dawning of
Greatness in
Alexander
, who being asked in his Youth to contend for a
Prize in the Olympick Games, answered he would, if he had Kings to run
against him.
Cassius
, who was one of the Conspirators against
Cæsar
,
gave as great a Proof of his Temper, when in his Childhood he struck a
Play-fellow, the Son of
Sylla
, for saying his Father was Master of the
Roman
People.
Scipio
is reported to have answered, (when some
Flatterers at Supper were asking him what the
Romans
should do for a
General after his Death) Take
Marius
.
Marius
was then a very Boy,
and had given no Instances of his Valour; but it was visible to
Scipio
from the Manners of the Youth, that he had a Soul formed for the Attempt
and Execution of great Undertakings. I must confess I have very often
with much Sorrow bewailed the Misfortune of the Children of
Great
Britain
, when I consider the Ignorance and Undiscerning of the
Generality of Schoolmasters. The boasted Liberty we talk of is but a
mean Reward for the long Servitude, the many Heart-aches and Terrors, to
which our Childhood is exposed in going through a Grammar-School: Many
of these stupid Tyrants exercise their Cruelty without any manner of
Distinction of the Capacities of Children, or the Intention of Parents
in their Behalf. There are many excellent Tempers which are worthy to be
nourished and cultivated with all possible Diligence and Care, that were
never designed to be acquainted with
Aristotle, Tully
, or
Virgil
;
and there are as many who have Capacities for understanding every Word
those great Persons have writ, and yet were not born to have any Relish
of their Writings. For want of this common and obvious discerning in
those who have the Care of Youth, we have so many hundred unaccountable
Creatures every Age whipped up into great Scholars, that are for ever
near a right Understanding, and will never arrive at it. These are the
Scandal of Letters, and these are generally the Men who are to teach
others. The Sense of Shame and Honour is enough to keep the World itself
in Order without Corporal Punishment, much more to train the Minds of
uncorrupted and innocent Children. It happens, I doubt not, more than
once in a Year, that a Lad is chastised for a Blockhead, when it is good
Apprehension that makes him incapable of knowing what his Teacher means:
A brisk Imagination very often may suggest an Error, which a Lad could
not have fallen into, if he had been as heavy in conjecturing as his
Master in explaining: But there is no Mercy even towards a wrong
Interpretation of his Meaning, the Sufferings of the Scholar's Body are
to rectify the Mistakes of his Mind.
I am confident that no Boy who will not be allured to Letters without
Blows, will ever be brought to any thing with them. A great or good Mind
must necessarily be the worse for such Indignities; and it is a sad
Change to lose of its Virtue for the Improvement of its Knowledge. No
one who has gone through what they call a great School, but must
remember to have seen Children of excellent and ingenuous Natures, (as
has afterwards appeared in their Manhood) I say no Man has passed
through this way of Education, but must have seen an ingenuous Creature
expiring with Shame, with pale Looks, beseeching Sorrow, and silent
Tears, throw up its honest Eyes, and kneel on its tender Knees to an
inexorable Blockhead, to be forgiven the false Quantity of a Word in
making a Latin Verse; The Child is punished, and the next Day he commits
a like Crime, and so a third with the same Consequence. I would fain ask
any reasonable Man whether this Lad, in the Simplicity of his native
Innocence, full of Shame, and capable of any Impression from that Grace
of Soul, was not fitter for any Purpose in this Life, than after that
Spark of Virtue is extinguished in him, tho' he is able to write twenty
Verses in an Evening?
says, after his exalted way of Talking,
As the immortal Gods
never learnt any Virtue, tho they are endowed with all that is good; so
there are some Men who have so natural a Propensity to what they should
follow, that they learn it almost as soon as they hear it.
Plants
and Vegetables are cultivated into the Production of finer Fruit than
they would yield without that Care; and yet we cannot entertain Hopes of
producing a tender conscious Spirit into Acts of Virtue, without the
same Methods as is used to cut Timber, or give new Shape to a Piece of
Stone.
It is wholly to this dreadful Practice that we may attribute a certain
Hardiness and Ferocity which some Men, tho' liberally educated, carry
about them in all their Behaviour. To be bred like a Gentleman, and
punished like a Malefactor, must, as we see it does, produce that
illiberal Sauciness which we see sometimes in Men of Letters.
The
Spartan
Boy who suffered the Fox (which he had stolen and
hid under his Coat) to eat into his Bowels, I dare say had not half the
Wit or Petulance which we learn at great Schools among us: But the
glorious Sense of Honour, or rather Fear of Shame, which he demonstrated
in that Action, was worth all the Learning in the World without it.
It is methinks a very melancholy Consideration, that a little Negligence
can spoil us, but great Industry is necessary to improve us; the most
excellent Natures are soon depreciated, but evil Tempers are long before
they are exalted into good Habits. To help this by Punishments, is the
same thing as killing a Man to cure him of a Distemper; when he comes to
suffer Punishment in that one Circumstance, he is brought below the
Existence of a rational Creature, and is in the State of a Brute that
moves only by the Admonition of Stripes. But since this Custom of
educating by the Lash is suffered by the Gentry of
Great Britain
, I would prevail only that honest heavy Lads may be dismissed from
Slavery sooner than they are at present, and not whipped on to their
fourteenth or fifteenth Year, whether they expect any Progress from them
or not. Let the Child's Capacity be forthwith examined and
he
sent to
some Mechanick Way of Life, without respect to his Birth, if Nature
designed him for nothing higher: let him go before he has innocently
suffered, and is debased into a Dereliction of Mind for being what it is
no Guilt to be, a plain Man. I would not here be supposed to have said,
that our learned Men of either Robe who have been whipped at School, are
not still Men of noble and liberal Minds; but I am sure they had been
much more so than they are, had they never suffered that Infamy.
But tho' there is so little Care, as I have observed, taken, or
Observation made of the natural Strain of Men, it is no small Comfort to
me, as a
Spectator
, that there is any right Value set upon the
bona
Indoles
of other Animals; as appears by the following Advertisement
handed about the County of
Lincoln
, and subscribed by
Enos
Thomas
, a Person whom I have not the Honour to know, but suppose to
be profoundly learned in Horse-flesh.
A Chesnut Horse called Cæsar, bred by James Darcy,
Esq., at Sedbury, near Richmond in the County of
York; his Grandam was his old royal Mare, and got by
Blunderbuss, which was got by Hemsly Turk, and he got
Mr. Courand's Arabian, which got Mr. Minshul's
Jews-trump. Mr. Cæsar sold him to a Nobleman (coming
five Years old, when he had but one Sweat) for three hundred Guineas.
A Guinea a Leap and Trial, and a Shilling the Man .
T. Enos Thomas.
Epist. 95.
Contents
Contents p.6
|
Friday, August 31, 1711 |
Steele |
Nos hoec novimus esse nihil.
Martial.
Out of a firm Regard to Impartiality, I print these Letters, let them
make for me or not.
Mr .
Spectator,
I have observed through the whole Course of your Rhapsodies, (as you
once very well called them) you are very industrious to overthrow all
that many your Superiors who have gone before you have made their Rule
of writing. I am now between fifty and sixty, and had the Honour to be
well with the first Men of Taste and Gallantry in the joyous Reign of
Charles the Second: We then had, I humbly presume, as good
Understandings among us as any now can pretend to. As for yourself,
Mr.
Spectator, you seem with the utmost Arrogance to undermine the
very Fundamentals upon which we conducted our selves.
It is monstrous
to set up for a Man of Wit, and yet deny that Honour in a Woman is any
thing else but Peevishness, that Inclination
is1 the best Rule of
Life, or Virtue and Vice any thing else but Health and Disease. We had
no more to do but to put a Lady into good Humour, and all we could
wish followed of Course. Then again, your
Tully, and your Discourses
of another Life, are the very Bane of Mirth and good Humour. Pr'ythee
don't value thyself on thy Reason at that exorbitant Rate, and the
Dignity of human Nature; take my Word for it, a Setting-dog has as
good Reason as any Man in
England. Had you (as by your Diurnals one
would think you do) set up for being in vogue in Town, you should have
fallen in with the Bent of Passion and Appetite; your Songs had then
been in every pretty Mouth in
England, and your little Distichs had
been the Maxims of the Fair and the Witty to walk by: But alas, Sir,
what can you hope for from entertaining People with what must needs
make them like themselves worse than they did before they read you?
Had you made it your Business to describe
Corinna charming, though
inconstant, to find something in human Nature itself to make
Zoilus
excuse himself for being fond of her; and to make every Man in good
Commerce with his own Reflections, you had done something worthy our
Applause; but indeed, Sir, we shall not commend you for disapproving
us. I have a great deal more to say to you, but I shall sum it up all
in this one Remark, In short, Sir, you do not write like a Gentleman.
'I am,
Sir,
Your most humble Servant.'
Mr.
Spectator,
'The other Day we were several of us at a Tea-Table, and according to
Custom and your own Advice had the
Spectator read among us: It was
that Paper wherein you are pleased to treat with great Freedom that
Character which you call a Woman's Man. We gave up all the Kinds you
have mentioned, except those who, you say, are our constant Visitants.
I was upon the Occasion commissioned by the Company to write to you
and tell you, That we shall not part with the Men we have at present,
'till the Men of Sense think fit to relieve them, and give us their
Company in their Stead. You cannot imagine but that we love to hear
Reason and good Sense better than the Ribaldry we are at present
entertained with, but we must have Company, and among us very
inconsiderable is better than none at all. We are made for the Cements
of Society, and came into the World to create Relations among Mankind;
and Solitude is an unnatural Being to us. If the Men of good
Understanding would forget a little of their Severity, they would find
their Account in it; and their Wisdom would have a Pleasure in it, to
which they are now Strangers. It is natural among us when Men have a
true Relish of our Company and our Value, to say every thing with a
better Grace; and there is without designing it something ornamental
in what Men utter before Women, which is lost or neglected in
Conversations of Men only. Give me leave to tell you, Sir, it would do
you no great Harm if you yourself came a little more into our Company;
it would certainly cure you of a certain positive and determining
Manner in which you talk sometimes. In hopes of your Amendment,
'I am, Sir,
'Your gentle Reader.'
Mr.
Spectator,
'Your professed Regard to the Fair Sex, may perhaps make them value
your Admonitions when they will not those of other Men. I desire you,
Sir, to repeat some Lectures upon Subjects which you have now and then
in a cursory manner only just touched. I would have a
Spectator
wholly writ upon good Breeding: and after you have asserted that Time
and Place are to be very much considered in all our Actions, it will
be proper to dwell upon Behaviour at Church. On Sunday last a grave
and reverend Man preached at our Church: There was something
particular in his Accent, but without any manner of Affectation. This
Particularity a Set of Gigglers thought the most necessary Thing to be
taken notice of in his whole Discourse, and made it an Occasion of
Mirth during the whole time of Sermon: You should see one of them
ready to burst behind a Fan, another pointing to a Companion in
another Seat, and a fourth with an arch Composure, as if she would if
possible stifle her Laughter. There were many Gentlemen who looked at
them stedfastly, but this they took for ogling and admiring them:
There was one of the merry ones in particular, that found out but just
then that she had but five Fingers, for she fell a reckoning the
pretty Pieces of Ivory over and over again, to find her self
Employment and not laugh out. Would it not be expedient, Mr.
Spectator, that the Church-warden should hold up his Wand on these
Occasions, and keep the Decency of the Place as a Magistrate does the
Peace in a Tumult elsewhere?
Mr.
Spectator,
I am a Woman's Man, and read with a very fine Lady your Paper, wherein
you fall upon us whom you envy: What do you think I did? you must know
she was dressing, I read the
Spectator to her, and she laughed at
the Places where she thought I was touched; I threw away your Moral,
and taking up her Girdle cried out,
Give me but what this Ribbon bound,
Take all the rest the Sun2 goes round3.
She smiled, Sir, and said you were a Pedant; so say of me what you
please, read
Seneca and quote him against me if you think fit.
I am,
Sir,
Your humble Servant.