FINE BUSINESS, INDEED! THE WRETCH!

Master of the House. "OH! MARY! WHAT IS THERE FOR DINNER TO-DAY?"

Mary. "I THINK, SIR, IT'S COLD MUTTON, SIR."

Master of the House. "H'M!—OH! TELL YOUR MISTRESS, WHEN SHE COMES IN, THAT I MAY POSSIBLY BE DETAINED IN THE CITY ON BUSINESS, AND SHE IS ON NO ACCOUNT TO WAIT DINNER FOR ME."

IMPUDENCE.

Horse Guard. "NOW, YOU BOY! YOU MUSN'T HANG ABOUT HERE."

Boy. "OH! YES, MR. HANGABOUT. I SUPPOSE I MAY SET MY WATCH BY YOUR CLOCK, AS WELL AS ANY OTHER GENT."

GORGEOUS SPECTACLE.

Sarah Jane. "OH, BETSY, COME 'ERE, AND BRING HISABELLER! WE CAN SEE THE 'OOFS OF THE 'ORSES!!"

NATIVE POLITENESS.

Boy (to be-witch-ing Old Lady of Fashion). "WAS YOU A LOOKING FOR A BROOM, MARM?"

"YOUTH AT THE PROW, AND PLEASURE AT THE HELM."

"THE HAPPY PAIR THEN STARTED FOR THE CONTINENT, VIA FOLKESTONE, TO SPEND THE HONEYMOON."

TOO POPULAR BY HALF.

Boy (singing). "LOVER-LY LUCY NEAL, OH LOVER-LY LUCY NEAL, HIF I 'AD YOU BY MY SI-I-HIDE, 'OW 'APPY I SHOULD FEEL!"

TASTE IN THE DRAWING-ROOM.—VILLIKINS AND HIS DINAH.

Young Lady (who ought to know better). "NOW, WILLIAM, YOU ARE NOT LOW ENOUGH YET. BEGIN AGAIN AT 'HE TOOK THE COLD PIZEN.'"

APPROPRIATE.

First Citizen. "I SAY, BILL—I WONDER WHAT HE CALLS HISSELF?"

Second Ditto. "BLOWED IF I KNOW!—BUT I CALLS HIM A BLOATED HARISTOCRAT."

MIGHT VERSUS RIGHT.

Navigator. "WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?"

Policeman. "WHY, I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE STATION HOUSE, IF YOU DON'T MOVE ON."

Navigator. "YOU TAKE ME TO THE STATION-HOUSE? TEN ON YOU MIGHT!"

TRAVELLERS' REQUISITES.

Railway Porter. "ANY LUGGAGE, SIR?"

Traveller. "YAS—CARPET-BAG AND CIGAR-CASE."

MOST DISTRESSING.

POOR STUBBS!—JUST AS HE MEETS THOSE NICE GIRLS HE ADMIRED SO AT M.'S PARTY, AN ENORMOUS BLACK SETTLES ON HIS NOSE. HE LOSES ALL PRESENCE OF MIND.

HOW TO FLATTER A GENT.

Mr. Noses. "GOT ANY OLD CLOTHES, SIR? (whispers) ANY LEFT-OFF UNIFORMS, CAPTAIN?"

EDUCATIONAL MOVEMENT.

Man of Refinement. "NOW DON'T, MY GOOD MAN—PRAY DON'T!—I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY. YOU ARE GOING TO SAY 'YA!—HA!—SPARRERGRASS.' DO ALLOW ME TO PERSUADE YOU TO CALL IT ASPARAGUS—AND HERE IS SIXPENCE FOR YOU."

PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING.

THE INTELLIGENT READER IS REQUESTED TO IMAGINE THAT THE GATES IN THE ABOVE CARTOON HAVE JUST BEEN THOROUGHLY CLEANED, AND FRESH PAINTED. ON HIS RETURN FROM THE CITY, MR. BRIGGS FINDS THAT RUDE BOYS (TOTALLY REGARDLESS OF HIS FEELINGS) HAVE BEEN FARTHER DECORATING THEM.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

MAN IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE TAKEN THE WRONG TURNING—THAT'S ALL!

SUGGESTIVE OF A PICTURESQUE FIGURE.

Stout Old Gentleman. "A SHOWER-BATH MAKE YOUR HAIR IN A MESS! NOT A BIT OF IT, IF YOU WEAR AN OIL-SKIN CAP LIKE THIS, AS I DO."

THE RETURN FROM A MASQUERADE.

DOUBTFUL.

Boy. "COME IN, SIR! YOU'VE NO CALL TO BE AFRAID! I'VE GOT HIM QUITE TIGHT."

A CAUSE FOR REPROOF.

Lady (severely). "JANET, I MUST DESIRE YOU TO GO AT ONCE AND DRESS YOUR HAIR IN A BECOMING MANNER, AND NOT TO IMITATE ME SO ABSURDLY."

AWKWARD CONSEQUENCES OF REMOVING THE SOLDIERS FROM KNIGHTSBRIDGE.

Housemaid. "IF YOU PLEASE 'M, ME, AND COOK, AND MARY, WISHES TO LEAVE, THIS DAY MONTH, MA'AM."

REDUCED CIRCUMSTANCES.

Mary. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, IF YOU'VE DONE WITH THE INK, WILL YOU LET WILLIAM HAVE IT TO CLEAN YOUR BOOTS? BECAUSE IT'S ALL THE BLACKING WE'VE GOT IN THE HOUSE."

THE CONSTITUTIONAL WALK.

Lady. "DEAR, DEAR, IT'S COMING ON TO RAIN! RUN, JAMES! QUICK, AND FETCH AN UMBRELLA, AND TWO PARASOLS. I'M AFRAID MY POOR DEAR COCHINS WILL GET THE RHEUMATISM."

THE DOCILE HUSBAND.

JEALOUSY.

Chorus (of Nice Young Ladies). "OH! OF ALL AND OF ALL I NEVER! ISN'T IT THE DARLINGIST, SWEETEST, PRETTIEST, LITTLE DEAR DARLING DARLING! OH! DID YOU EVER!!"

Solo (by horrid plain-spoken Boy). "H'M! I THINK IT'S A NASTY, UGLY LITTLE BEAST, FOR ALL THE WORLD LIKE A CAT OR A MONKEY."

[Sensation.

A NICE TEAM.

A BRILLIANT IDEA.

Matilda. "OH, LOOK YE HERE, TOMMY! S'POSE WE PLAY AT YOUR BEING THE BIG FOOTMAN, AND ME AND LIZZERBUTH'LL BE THE FINE LADIES IN THE CARRIDGE!"

AN EXPERIENCED VETERAN.

Managing Mamma. "MY GOODNESS, ELLEN, HOW WRETCHEDLY PALE YOU LOOK! FOR GOODNESS' SAKE BITE YOUR LIPS AND RUB YOUR CHEEKS."

EXTREME DELICACY.

Exquisite in Cab. "AW—BE KIND ENOUGH, IF YOU PLEASE, TO FETCH—AW—AN—AW—UMBRELLAW, AND HOLD IT OV-AW ME WHILE I—AW—GET OUT."

THE WELLINGTON STATUE.

AWFUL APPARITION TO A GENTLEMAN WHILST SHAVING, IN THE EDGEWARE ROAD.

AN INQUIRING MIND.

Omnibus Driver. "REELY NOW! AND SO THE 'LECTRIC FLUID TAKES A MESSAGE BETWEEN DOVER AND CALAIS. (Inquiringly.) PRAY, SIR, WOT'S IT LIKE? IS IT ANYTHING LIKE BEER, FOR EXAMPLE?"

SOMETIMES YOU "PICK UP" HUNTERS FOR NEXT TO NOTHING.

Dealer. "THERE NOW! YOU WANT A HUNTER. THERE HE IS. HE'S QUIET, WELL-BRED, AND LAW! WITH YOUR WEIGHT, HE'S UP TO ANY HOUNDS, AND AN UNCOMMON CLEVER FENCER!"

Sporting Gent. "OH! COME NOW! THAT WON'T DO. I'VE HEARD OF A 'ORSE DANCING; BUT I'M NOT SO JOLLY GREEN AS TO BELIEVE A 'ORSE CAN FENCE, YOU KNOW!"

A LUCID EXPLANATION.

Passenger. "SIXPENCE! WHY, IT'S MARKED UP THREEPENCE!"

Conductor. "YES, SIR. THREPPUNSE WHEN YOU DON'T GET IN BETWEEN CHARING CROSS AND THE BANK, OR FROM TUESDAYS TO MILE END DOWN TO THE GATE BY UNGERFOD, OR EDGER ROAD TO BLACK LION LANE OR RATHBONE PLACE AND BLACKWALL RAILWAY—OR ELSE YOU MUST GET OUT AT ST. PAUL'S CHURCHYARD, OR YOU CAN GO TO PIMLICO ALL THE WAY IF YOU LIKE—BEYOND THAT DISTANCE—IT'S SIXPUNSE!"

PERFECT SINCERITY, OR THINKINGS ALOUD.—No. IV.

Genius. "BY THE WAY, DID YOU GLANCE OVER THAT ARTICLE OF MINE ON 'THE INTELLECT OF WOMAN, AND HER SOCIAL POSITION?' I DON'T CARE TWOPENCE ABOUT YOUR OPINION; ONLY IF YOU CAN SAY SOMETHING FAVOURABLE OF COURSE I SHALL BE PLEASED."

Common Sense. "WHY, I TRIED IT, BUT UPON MY LIFE I FOUND IT SUCH CONTEMPTIBLE RUBBISH, THAT I COULDN'T GET ON: AND, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I THINK THAT A SNUG LITTLE THING IN THE CHEESEMONGERING LINE WOULD BE MORE IN YOUR WAY THAN LITERATURE."

Genius. "AH! YOU MUST BE A FOOL!"

THE AGONY COLUMN.

"I WISH, MISTER, YOU WOULD BE SO GOOD AS TO STOP THE PRESS AND PUT THIS IN A GOOD PLACE (reads): 'Hemily, Don't delay, but return to yer broken-arted Adolphus, or there's no knowing what may be the consequence!!!'"

THE INFLUENZA.

"THIS IS REALLY VERY KIND OF YOU TO CALL. CAN I OFFER YOU ANYTHING—A BASIN OF GRUEL, OR A GLASS OF COUGH MIXTURE? DON'T SAY NO."

AN IMPOSSIBILITY.

Gent. "WAITER! CHOP AND A PINT OF STOUT; AND LOOK SHARP."

Waiter. "OH, YES! IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO SAY LOOK SHARP."

BACHELOR HOUSEKEEPING.

Mr. Brown. "PRAY, JANE, WHAT ON EARTH IS THE REASON I AM KEPT WAITING FOR MY BREAKFAST IN THIS WAY?"

Jane. "PLEASE, SIR, THE ROLLS ISN'T COME, AND THERE'S NO BREAD IN THE HOUSE!"

Mr. Brown. "NOW, UPON MY WORD! HOW CAN YOU ANNOY ME WITH SUCH TRIFLES? NO BREAD, THEN BRING ME SOME TOAST."

[Exit JANE in dismay.

MISUNDERSTANDING.

Railway Porter. "FIRST CLASS, SIR?"

Unfortunate Oxonian. "NO! PLUCKED!"

PLEASANT!

Affectionate Little Wife (who has made many abortive attempts to fathom the secrets of Freemasonry). "WELL, BUT DEAR! TELL ME ONE THING, DO THEY PUT YOU INTO A COFFIN?"

INSULTING A SCOTCHMAN.

Boy. "HERE YOU AIR, SIR! THREE PAIR O' TROWSER STRAPS FOR SIXPENCE."

THE MAN IN BRASS LAMENTING THE DECLINE OF THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW.

THE BETTING FEVER.

ONE OF THE EFFECTS OF THE BLACKGUARD BETTING OFFICES.

Sporting Character. "I DON'T EXACTLY LIKE ROBBING MASTER, BUT I MUST MEET MY ENGAGEMENTS."

PEPPERING A GENT.

Conductor (very loud). "GO ON, BILL; HERE'S THAT UGLY OLD COVE, WOT ALWAYS KICKS UP SUCH A ROW, AND MAKES HISSELF SO DISAGREEABLE, JUST GOT IN!"

Driver. "OH, HAS HE? I'VE A DOOCED GOOD MIND TO PITCH HIM OVER, AND BREAK HIS STUPID OLD 'ED!!"

GAMMON.

Ostler. "PLEASE TO TAKE 'IM GENTLY OVER THE WOOD-PAVEMENT, SIR; FOR HE'S WERRY FRESH THIS MORNING."

EVIL COMMUNICATIONS.

(AFTER A GREAT DEAL OF COAXING AND PERSUASION, MASTER TOM IS PREVAILED UPON TO PAY HIS QUARTERLY VISIT TO THE DENTIST. INCONSIDERATE AND VULGAR STREET BOYS UNFORTUNATELY PASS AT THE MOMENT HIS OBJECTIONS ARE OVERCOME.)

First Inconsiderate Street Boy. "OH CRIKEY! IF HERE AIN'T A CHAP GOIN' TO HAVE A GRINDER OUT. MY EYE, WHAT FANGS!"

Second Inconsiderate Do. Do. "OH, I WOULDN'T BE 'IM. WON'T THERE BE A SCR-E-W-A-U-N-CH NEETHER!"

[And of course MASTER TOM relapses into his previous very obstinate state.

WHO WOULDN'T KEEP A FOOTMAN?

DELIGHTFUL OUT-DOOR EXERCISE IN WARM WEATHER.

RUNNING AFTER "ANOTHER FOUR!" AT CRICKET, AMIDST DERISIVE SHOUTS OF "NOW THEN, BUTTERFINGERS!"—"OH! OH!"—"THROW IT IN! LOOK SHARP!"—"QUICK! IN WITH IT!" &C., &C.

A SMART YOUTH.

Old Gentleman. "BLESS MY HEART! THIS VIBRATION OF THE CARRIAGE IS VERY UNUSUAL! PRAY, MY LITTLE MAN, HAVE YOU ANY APPREHENSION OF ACCIDENTS ON RAILWAYS?"

Juvenile. "OH, NONE IN THE LEAST; AND ESPECIALLY WITH SUCH A FAT OLD BUFFER AS YOU TO BE SHOT AGAINST."

No. IV.—PREPARING FOR ACTION.

SPECIAL CONSTABLE DRYING HIS GUNPOWDER IN THE FRYING-PAN.

No. V.—RELIEF DUTY.

Special's Wife. "CONTRARY TO REGULATIONS, INDEED! FIDDLESTICKS! I MUST INSIST, FREDERICK, UPON YOUR TAKING THIS HOT BRANDY-AND-WATER. I SHALL BE HAVING YOU LAID UP NEXT, AND NOT FIT FOR ANYTHING."

No. VI.—IN ACTION.

Special Constable. "NOW MIND, YOU KNOW—IF I KILL YOU, IT'S NOTHING; BUT IF YOU KILL ME, BY JINGO, IT'S MURDER."

No. VII.—OUT OF WORK.

First. "TALK OF INTERRUPTION TO BUSINESS! VY, I GIVE YER MY VORD OF HONOUR, THAT WOT WITH THEM SPECIALS AND THE REGLAR CRUSHERS, I AIN'T SO MUCH AS PRIGGED A SINGLE HANDKERCHER FOR A VEEK."

Second. "OH, IT'S ENUFF TO MAKE VUN TURN RESPECTABLE."

Leader. "HOORAY! VEEVE LER LIBERTY!! HARM YOURSELVES!!! TO THE PALIS!! DOWN WITH HEAVERYTHINK!!!!"

Leader. "OH, SIR—PLEASE SIR—IT AIN'T ME, SIR—I'M FOR 'GOD SAVE THE QUEEN' AND 'RULE BRITANNIER.' BOO-HOO—OH DEAR! OH DEAR!!"

[Bursts into tears.

HEROISM.

JOHN THOMAS, THE BELGRAVIAN FLUNKEY, AS HE APPEARED WHILE THE MOB WERE BREAKING HIS MISSUSSES WINDOWS.

ADVANTAGES OF THE NEW POSTAL ARRANGEMENTS.

STUNNING POLITENESS.

LITERARY CHIT-CHAT.

"IS THIS A LIBERY?"

"YES."

"THEN LET ME HAVE THE LAST NUMBER OF HEMILY FITZ HOSBORN."

THE GREAT LINEN-DRAPERY NUISANCE.

First Linen-draper. "WHAT'S THE NEXT ARTICLE, SIR?"—Victim. "NOTHING MORE, THANK YOU."—Second Linen-draper. "WE'VE SOME SWEET THINGS IN SHAWLS, SIR—QUITE NEW."—Third Linen-draper. "ALLOW ME, SIR, TO TEMPT YOU WITH ONE OF THESE BEAUTIFUL HANDKERCHIEFS."—Fourth Linen-draper. "THESE DRESSES, SIR." &c.—Fifth Linen-draper. "HERE ARE LADIES' APRONS, SIR, MOST BEAUTIFULLY WORKED, QUITE ELEGANT, VERY TASTY, AND FASHIONABLE," &c.

[VICTIM resolves never to enter the shop again.

AN AMBITIOUS YOUTH.

Old Gentleman. "NOW, AUGUSTUS; WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE?"

Augustus. "I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD LIKE—BUT YOU WOULDN'T LET ME."

Old Gent. "WHAT IS IT—A LAWYER?"

Aug. "NO: IT AIN'T A LAWYER."

Old Gent. "A SURGEON?"

Aug. "NO."

Old Gent. "A PARSON?"

Aug. "NO."

Old Gent. "A SOLDIER?"

Aug. "NO."

Old Gent. "WHAT, THEN?"

Aug. "WHY—A CLOWN AT ASTLEY'S."

THE WEDDING-DAY—FIRST ANNIVERSARY.

PRESENTS—BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET OF FLOWERS FROM COVENT GARDEN, AND SUCH A LOVELY BRACELET!"

OXFORD COSTUME.

First Swell. "AWFUL SHIRT! EH?"

Second ditto. "YA'AS, LINEN'S SO DEUCED COMMON NOW—I'M GOING TO SPORT EMBROIDERED SILK."

First Ditto. "HAH! CHEESY IDEA TOO! BUT OUR GILLS WANT ELEVATING!"

THE WEDDING-DAY—FOURTEENTH ANNIVERSARY.

PRESENTS—BEAUTIFUL BUNDLE OF ASPARAGUS FROM COVENT GARDEN, AND THE NICEST DOUBLE PERAMBULATOR IN THE WORLD!!

NOT THE FIRST TIME.

"I BEG YOUR PARDON, MA'AM, BUT I THINK YOU DROPPED THIS."

A SPORTING GENT PRACTISING FOR THE HUNTING SEASON.

A CURIOUS PERSON.

MICHAELMAS DAY. THE CHEAP TAILOR'S GOOSE PROVIDES HIMSELF WITH A SHOOTING JACKET AND VEST.

"MUSIC HATH CHARMS," &C.

AMUSEMENT FOR A RAINY DAY.

Clara. "I SAY, GUS—COME HERE! STAND STILL AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH, AND WE'LL DROP CHOCOLATE INTO IT. WE'VE NOTHING TO DO!"

GUS. "ALL RIGHT, GIRLS! FIRE AWAY!"

[After an hour of this interesting occupation, Gus retires slightly uncomfortable.

POTICHOMANIA (THE ART OF DECORATING GLASS),

AS CARRIED OUT BY MASTER TOM DURING THE EASTER HOLIDAYS.